Franco

IC: "Ah don't think that kind o' talk is necessary, sir," Gavarm cut in an even response to the evident lawyer, shooting Reson a glance that said let me take this from here. "Firstly, we all know Onu-Koro believes in th' raht ta counsel. Secondly, in th' case that yew did imply otherwise, it would be very...impolaht...given this location." He paused to let that sink in for a moment. "That said, Ah'm also uninformed. What's this about yer client?"

Now I see why you wanted so many characters...

OOC: Ussalry Rehn-hunting delegation from Po-Wahi. IC: It was not long before the squadron returned home. Nor did it take long for its members to enter the stables, dismount and be dismissed. If the noise coming from Ussalry Headquarters was anything to judge by, though, its commander's logging was going to take significantly more time. Gavarm entered the building and took in a cluster about the reception desk. In spite of his contentment, he couldn't help but submit to growing curiosity. "Excuse me," he drawled with considerable volume, "is anythin' th' matter?"

IC: "True," Gavarm murmured, letting out a small smile, "but we've bin gone longer 'n expect'd, ol' sport. See ya." He gave a last look to Rynekk before he turned to his men and raised his voice. "Saddle up! We're goin' home." The Ussalmen were assembled before the boat in seconds, back at last to the traveling wedge pioneered by Seventh Squadron. "Sorry, Kale," Gavarm declined the invitation, saluting. "Ah'd love ta join y'all, it's just that someone's got ta watch out fer that blockhead Koro. Until next." The formation spun and marched off. OOC: Ussalry delegation on the Fowadi to Onu-Wahi.

Very nice. Fair enough. Speaking of fair, this chapter was great. I liked the introduction of the villains especially--Fishers looks like fun. I sympathized with Franco's plight, though he should've really just stuck to archaeology and avoided swordplay. The announcement of the mole interested me enough to analyze all the team members once more, and I have a few predictions about some of them. Keep up the good work. P.S. I'll vote A and the desert. The volcano and jungle are great, but I'd like to save those terrains for later.

No.

IC: "Captain Onepu."

IC: Cero had a choice, but there was only one option. He unclipped and threw the ball of his favorite, producing Aridez and the Hippopotas' sandstorm. Both hugged the field with the resolution that Cero felt. The hippopotamus and master each sized up their opponent as the storm enshrouded the combatants per their will. In fact, Cero could sense a greater unanimity of feeling between them than ever before. There was nothing to lose in a tournament, unlike battling in the wild or against Leviathan, but there was everything to gain. Yet Cero intuited that something was off. Aridez had a love beyond love for his ability to assert superiority, whether through swaggering maneuvers, proud grunts, or bared teeth; however, before the Fraxure, Aridez was quiet and motionless. Was he scared? It did not matter, Cero decided in that heartbeat. All that mattered was proving that there was no cause for fear. "Aridez, Curse." The Hippopotas let loose an eldritch groan, mystic runes lining its body.

IC: Gavarm was about to reply when he felt the ship glide to a halt and Kale speak. At once, the moment fell to pieces. There was nothing more to be said. Yet it remained locked in his grip as the watch, he supposed. Kol was always capable of salvaging the magic here. Was that possible? Gavarm decided he would find out. He simply nodded, intrigued by the idea of an unfinished story if disturbed by it, then held out his fist for Rynekk to bump.

Name: Rehd Shurrt Element: Something red Description: Your average Matoran, though he claims he has a "scream like Wilhelm."

Considering the burial of Aurax, the beating of Oru and the cooking of omelettes, Kol's saperka has indeed been quite the tool.

Sulov would like you all to say hello to his little friend: the Shovelhand.

IC: Gavarm shrugged and flipped the watch open, turning his gaze to the Sentinel before closing it again. "Mahty fahn, but Ah wouldn't mahnd a couple more days sailin'. Ah'd lahk th' tahm ta hear th' rest o' Stendhal's story."

IC: Let them say what they would about the sea. It had brought Gavarm his friends. That was more than the bloody earth had done for him.

IC: Gavarm was quiet. It had been a long trip, and he'd drunk his fill of triumph in Rehn's defeat; so a cozy lethargy had settled over him. He could set aside his urges and pretend that he'd lived a life without casualties. Regret was in the waters he'd left the pirate ship sinking in, not on his heels. He stood looking over the guardrail and took out his watch, but stopped before opening the case. He instead fiddled with its chain and watched the surf roll in. There was too much time in the moment to worry about the future. "Rynekk," he called.

No, just a pretty doctor.

This is it.

I'll switch to that if possible. Assumed it was already taken.

IC: Cero may have hated Lumiose, but he couldn't hate a challenge. With the exception of Leviathan, all the life he could remember had been improvement after improvement. It was time he put his growth--and his team's--to the test. As well, he could never honor Team Magma's name without an accomplishment that was totally his. Buitre had surely dealt greater damage to Leviathan's seal than any other Pokémon, and she had claimed the trophy, but the victory was ultimately decided by all the trainers involved. The only way Cero could form his own identity would be to add something unique to his name. So, taking care to make himself and his companions presentable, he signed up for the tournament and entered his corner. Eager to discover the identity of his fated enemy, he looked towards the opposing end of the arena. He blinked. "...Fancy that," Cero called to Kyle.

Name: Chambliss Gender: Male Element one: Fire Element two: Earth Other: He likes planning, so he loves knowledge of all kinds. However, he hates passivity and enforces a proactive attitude in himself and those he knows. E: Is an agent left? That would be great.

Thanks for depicting Franco Mango of BZ-Koro.

IC: "Thanks," I say, and walk for the gates.

I like it. Why would Onua need weapons? He can humble Makuta with a shoulder-check.

OOC: Sulov has just one question. It shouldn't be long before Arkhal gets his turn. IC: He's gone. I step to the desk. "Where's Onepu?"

Firstly, I'm glad to see this this story and honored to see the focus on my character (crossing "start a story" off my bucket list). It's nice to see fiction come together, and I like what you've done here. That said, let's get on to the meat of the review. The language you're using is generally good; the announcement feels like it's the real deal, with B6's voice "booming." If there's one thing I'm not a fan of here, it's the use of dialogue words--there's a lot of unaccompanied "said," "continued," and "asked" flying around, which is great for small, minimalistic works where reading the absence is everything. When handling a dozen characters, though, adding an adverb or two might help to make each one pop. I liked your addition of those descriptors on the occasion that you did, and that you use appropriate synonyms of "said," like "demanded," as necessary. Speaking of description, I love the detail here. You weren't very exact about the travel from Storyline and Theory to GD because you didn't need to be. The conversation between Phyoohri and Franco fills up the time of the journey, while little phrases like "in the distance" establish the space. The story's far from over, but it already contains a world. The setting and its establishment fit the plot well. I don't think I can't say too much about the plot, of course, because this is the earliest stage of the story. That said, it's getting there, as are its characters. Black Six seems like an interesting guy, and I'd hate to see a Hero Factory fan bump into Portalfig. The establishment you have is solid, though I'd reiterate that descriptors are key tools for evoking personalities. On a less related note, one grammatical issue jumped out at me: I don't think you need a comma before "WHAT?" because it's a statement of what was heard, not what the crowd said/queried/etc. The comma doesn't flow well, either. Otherwise, a cursory glance didn't reveal anything off with grammar and spelling. All in all, good going. I await the next installment.