CeeCee

Whooo.Well done GaliGee. Love dat username.

We relate to chief and we fight for the crew of infinity

Is it not in Terridax's nature to try and crush peoples spirits? Crush some ones spirits and you've won half the battle

I dont really care how she leaves, as long as she does

No problem

I am really interested in writing. I have no idea if you do any writing at all, but do you think that reading more will help improve my writing. i just find it hard to find a book that grabs my attention, although I still need to start getting into these Halo books. Also I have heard the republic commando novels are a good read as well. Also B6, have you read the passage or I am Legend. I found the books to of my favorite ever. If you want to extend your reading rainbow, I would reccomend these too. Although, they are set in a post apocalyptic setting, they both manage to bring something new and original to the table. Also, dont be put off by the vamp thing. Its nothing like twilight(All tough to be fair I have never read a twilight book or seen a twilight movie I guess with the RC books, the Halo books, the sequel to The passage and Lord of the flies, I have many bools to keep me going

Cant say I do. I only watch the start of the races to see the crashes lol

Im thinking about watching Doctor who. I stopped mid 5th series because I really dont care for Karen Gillan. Is it true she is leaving soon I mean series 5 new series BTW

Do you feel any difference in yourself as a whole. Im just wondering what positive effects reading has on the mind

Someone already posted this a bit further up the page Yeah... Uh.... I knew that

Arguments?

Guys. I got new info. Halo 4 infection will allow you to play as the Flood.FINALLYAm I allowed to post links for proof?

Gata Nui wouldn't be a Turaga, but more of a highly respected Matoran . In fact Gata Nui would be more like a crazy dude with split personalities.

Well, you'd know better than I would. Crack open a book and check for both of us, would you? Yeah, I should've been a little more constructive there. Consider just using more vivid vocabulary when you want to emphasize things in exposition, or wording your sentences in dialogue to naturally suggest emphasis. Eg. "Yeah, but he ran!" becomes "Yeah, but he was tearing it up out there!" or something like that. Romance is tough to write. On the one hand, you've got the idea of love at first sight, or inexplicable attraction, but on the other you've got to present that in a way that it doesn't seem corny, rushed, or overly much of the characters' personalities. Easier said than done, I know, so all I can recommend is that you don't focus on it too much. Make sure that Vakama and Matau interact with Nokama in ways that don't directly discuss how they feel about her, for instance.I agree that this might have been a little early for a review, because it hasn't given you much time to flesh out the characters or the plot. But hey, you can always get another review down the line per ECC policy once you've put more work in.As for if the romance adds to the characters, that's your prerogative, like I said. Just make sure you convince the reader as much. Let me just say that this was an example, so don't worry too much about it - I wasn't trying to tell you what to write, just make a point about balancing the importance of romance in a character's makeup. Sorry, I seem to have given the wrong impression here. Thus far, Onewa hasn't been stereotypical or camp; I'm just saying that like the romantic aspect you're describing for some of the other Toa, you should tread carefully. Even if Onewa doesn't act stereotypical, if you were to put too much focus on his homosexuality, it would start to elbow out other character traits. I'm not saying he can't have a character arc related to it, but just be careful that you don't make it too much of his character. That one's up to you, but let me say this: while it's tempting to go back and try and fix everything up immediately, you'll never get anywhere if you do. If you don't intend to change the content of these two chapters (eg. plot, characterization), then just press forward for the moment and work to make your newer chapters better. You can always go back and revise later. I'm sorry if that came off as hurtful, and I probably should've tried and searched for some more positive points on the characters - I was quite busy yesterday, so the review wound up a little more harsh than usual. But I think it's important that you see that I walked away with a gut feeling of dislike for many of the characters. Your readers shouldn't have to play needle-in-a-haystack for reasons to like a character, especially a protagonist. It's harder to write a character to be a bully or immature and still be enjoyable, but it can be done - you just need to make sure you're hitting the right balance of likeable and unlikeable.One suggestion: like I mentioned above, it may help to limit your POV a little bit more. Spend more time focusing on the thoughts of each character, rather than jumping around so frequently. Let us get a little better picture of your protagonists' motivations and feelings. If you had a chapter or even half a chapter focusing just on Onewa, for instance, that'd let you show us why he bullies Nuju so harshly, and might help soften that harshness for us. That's just a possible method of tackling it, though - it's your story, and your style.Hope this helps - let me know if you have any more questions.Ah yes, thank you. This clears things up a lot. I was originally going to do a different POV a chapter, as you can see a little at the start of the first chapter with Vakama. I think I might go onto this. TBH, I was trying to make Onewa come off a quite witty, but looks like a failed . You know like the character that comes off with the witty remarks, that make people laugh(Inside, not out loud)I think your review is great and I will take this on board for the next half of chapter 3 and the next 15 or so

Im so glad nothing like this exists in real life

What would it be like? Imagine all the sub forums are like cities.Think of roles for the staff member groupse.g. Turaga=Forum LeadersWhat city would you call you home... or are you more a traveler, and have to real home.I have to say my home city would be S&T, so I guess my Turuaga is bonesiii hahahaha.Would you like it of BZP was a real country? I know I definitely would. What would you do on a daily basis?

Hi GSR. I just want to say thanks. I have already PM'ed you but I thought I should reply to this properly."I've noticed you have an unfortunate tendency to slip up on homonyms or similarly-spelled words - think "roll" vs. "role" for the former and "load" vs. "loud" for the latter." Yes, Im terrible for this. I type pretty fast and end up miss-spelling words. "Generally speaking, dialogue ends with a comma inside the quotes if the following text is related to the dialogue taking place (eg. "This is an example," he said) but a period if it's unrelated"dont quote me on this, but I think putting the commar after the speech marks is the British way." For starters, you're using italics for emphasis quite a bit."I agree this is an issue, but Im not sure on how to really resolve it."I know I've been saying it a lot, but taking extra care when re-reading does wonders. Keep an eye out for redundancy or missing words when you're revising - one way to do this is to read the sentence aloud. This'll force you to hit every word of the sentence and really figure out if it sounds right or not."I couldn't agree with you more on this point. As for the romance side of things, I do agree with you, it is moving a little to fast. Its the first time i have tried writting a big novel like this, so the pacing may be a little strange at times. "And in all of these cases, just ask yourself: does a romantic angle really help the characters? Or does it not really add anything? That's up to you to decide, of course, but it's a good rule of thumb for any character facet, including romance.", I think it does. Personally, I think my main flaw was getting this review so early. I should have finished the novel before, so you can really understand whats going on a little better " I can tell this is meant to be a rather darker retelling of the Toa Metru story" Maybe a little, although, as the plot goes on, it will really start to change."If, say, Nuju became a Toa and immediately ran off to show Keerahk he was a Toa now in the hopes she'd immediately fall for him, you'd basically be saying their relationship is the most important aspect of his character."Actually the story was going to go, with her not being able to accept he is a Toa. I was going to try and make The Toa Metru mature through the series."As for Onewa, I've got no objections to homosexual characters, in Bionicle or elsewhere - but don't let it be all that defines Onewa's character. Make him a headstrong Toa of Stone who happens to be homosexual, not a homosexual who happens to be a headstrong Toa of Stone"I was never ever planning on doing the former. Onewa was alway meant to be the polar opposite of stereotype homosexuals. I hope it didnt come off as this."Finally, before we move onto content, I just wanted to say that though it might be rough right now, I do appreciate your taking the time to provide exposition and description of the setting and characters. It's a common pitfall with fanfic that that sort of description gets skipped over under the assumption the reader will already know what's going on. This is true sometimes, but if it's your story, it's your responsibility to set up the world."Thanks for one complement :/"If nothing else, this is a unique take on 2004, and from what I saw on your blog post on the story it'll only deviate further (Piraka, anyone?) - just be aware that there's work to be done here, and it's up to you to do it. Good luck!" ​Hey, instead of changing the chapters right away, do you think it would be best to finish the book and then change the chapters or vice versa.About the Piraka, they do come into the story, but I have plans for them, that I hope doesnt ruin their characters.The series of books will be going through the entire Bionicle tiem line, but with a lot of devations.I just wanted to leave this point to last. "And on the issue of characters... I'm sorry, but the main six are coming off as very unlikeable right nowYou dont know how much that hurts. Becuase honestly, I really dont know how to change it. I really wanted people to like the characters and I honestly dont know what to do. Is there nothing you like about the characters?As for the shooting venom part, thats really just meant to be part of who they are. Im hoping I can change something to make them more likable, but the fact is,is at the moment, Onewa is meant to be a prat/bully, and Matau is just immature. A large part of the story revolves around the Toa Metru "Growing up" so to speak, but i dont want them to come off as unlikable.I am a bit disheartened that you dont like the story, but I cant do much about the story itself. I wouldn't write a story that I think is rubbish, so I guess its down to opinion, no matter what the scale of how many people like it/ don't like it(More the latter :/).I really appreciate the review and will work on a lot of thing you taught me. I owe you one

Yes. The lighter Kraahkahn is a lot rarer. I managed to buy the darker one for a pretty cheap price actually.I think there are some really rare pink, purple and yellow prototype masks and (Not sure if it was ever released) but Lewa phantoka's Miru prototype looks a little the the Mark VI hemet from halo

I was thinking about this earlier. You know what would be a really clever plot ending?This would have to have been done really well, and to be honest, if it was planned, it would had to have been planned from the very start of the story.But: Everything the Makuta was doing was good, and everything Mata Nui was doing was evil. There would have to be some moments where you would look back and be "Oh my dog, how did i never see this?".Every one on Mata Nui's side would not have been doing this willingly. They were willingly for-filling their destiny, but they didnt know the real reason. When the Toa / Matoran / Turaga find out, they would be conflicted over their loyalty to Mata-Nui, but their moral boundaries.Not sure if I have explained this well enough, but if I haven't or your confused, please ask me.How would you react to this, if it was done cleverly.