Janus

Hahaha, you whippersnappers with all your fancy lyrical music.The best BIONICLE song is without a doubt Fall of the Kal from the Bohrok Kal flash animations.I could listen to that one all day long.-Janus

Thank you so much for the review! I'd actually been mulling over asking the ECC for an official review, but I figured I'd let the story develop a little more. We're not even to the real meat yet!Regarding Norik--I can't say as Norik was ever my favourite, but somehow he ended up as the main character of this epic--and since then I've fallen in love with him as a character. So I'm very glad to hear that you as a Norik fan are enjoying what I've put together.As for the island cities--this is all a part of my longstanding personal canon. In fact Brotherhood was originally supposed to be one of a series of 'short' stories (It's now over 52,000 words. So much for short.) so I hope you continue to enjoy them as they develop. It's definitely a world that I enjoyed crafting.As for grammar--my only excuse is that as this was being written for NaNoWriMo I was trying to write as much as possible, and had no editor at the time--and I'm just atrocious at grammar and punctuation. Glad it's not so terrible that it completely removes you from the story, though!Hopefully the story keeps you guessing a bit as it progresses, I look forward to seeing more of your thoughts!Thanks again!-Janus

I was referred to your works by Velox and while it took me a bit to get into it, I have to say that you have great potential as an author. You've got a very intriguing storyline and an interesting world to explore. However at times I feel the characters are a little weak. Our main protagonist of Adrinor being the main exception to this--understanably as the story is told from his perspective. Now that's not to say that any of your characters are interchangeable or have no personality, but rather at times they seem like archetypes vs. characters. Not necessarily a bad thing, just something I thought I'd mention.I find the portrayal of the Pre-Pit Barraki very interesting, and I look forward to seeing more of their interactions with the main cast. I also greatly enjoy the way you've set up Rovaius' group's place in this world. They're not necessarily power players, but they're nothing to sneeze at either, which gives them an interesting and unique perspective.I did enjoy Elendra's meltdown, because that showed more character than any other interaction I've seen thus far. It spoke to me of a bundle of psychoses--which is pretty much what I imagine most of the gang is. In fact I'd like to see Adrinor's psyche a little more--not merely his observations, but guilt that I'm sure is still in him.Which actually leads into my main complaint, I understand the use of time skips, but I personally feel it robbed us of Adrinor's transformation from scared civilian to competent killer. But for all I know you're planning on doing a flashback chapter, I don't know.Overall it's an epic that I'll continue to read for as long as I'm able. Good work.-Janus

I've been trying to figure out this review for about three weeks now, so my apologies if it's not as clear as I hope.To begin with, I'm going to be blunt: The introduction actually put me off reading the story for about a week. I read that and was so uninterested that it took me some time to try again. As for why--well, Shakaz seemed lazy at first, but it was more than that, it wasn't written with any sense of excitement. It was an info dump, and not a very pleasurable one at that.However, that's not say that the entire story is like that, once I managed to slog through the introduction and got to the real meat of the story, I was far, far, far more pleased. While I absolutely detest anything even remotely relating to the BIONICLE cannon storyline, I didn't mind your usage of the Brotherhood this time, and I quite enjoyed seeing how they fit into your universe.Any questions of characterization (For example: Why was Rhakjasp fighting at first) were cleared up fairly quickly, and left me more time to enjoy the setting and plot. The set up with the Sharaku is very intriguing, and the idea of the moving fortress while certainly not original, gives an interesting main villain, as well as a reasonable explanation for the title.However in my opinion, Chazok is without a doubt the most interesting character in the entire story, and I really can't wait to see where his plotline goes. I gather this is because he's an existing character from your series, but it works incredibly well nonetheless.My main complaints here are that the main Sharaku don't seem to have been very developed thus far (which is easy enough to fix) and the fact that you make reference to events and characters that I as a reader have no idea about (because they happened in previous epics) and as this isn't a 'real' book, I can't just flip to the front of back cover and see a list of books I haven't read. In fact until I read the reviews I didn't realize this wasn't a stand alone epic.Regardless, this is quite the intriguing storyline you've got going on, and I'm eager to see where it goes. Keep it up.-Janus

Chapter Nine: The FallI gestured to the commander to gather his men and see to the wounded. Then Bomonga and I were off, running toward the massive guard wall. I ran with a speed I didn't know I had, bounding across the stone surface of the pier and leaping high into the air, to land on one of the many ramparts of the defensive wall. Bomonga joined me shortly thereafter.Above us I could hear the sounds of conflict, the whine of the creatures as they perished and anguished screams of dying Matoran. With the fire of anger burning brightly within me I hurled myself into the sky, turning once so that my blade pointed downwards, then, with a supreme blast of energy I allowed my element to launch from my spear, hurtling myself high into the air and onto the outer wall of the inner corridor. I glanced downard at Bomonga, having not even thought of how he'd make it up here, and saw him riding a pillar of raw earth casually. With a flip he launched himself from the platform, allowing it to disintegrate, and joined me on the wall.The courtyard was a scene of chaos, spined creatures lurking in every corner and hundreds of Matoran clothed in armor and weapons streaming out to meet them. Across the courtyard, nearest to the central compound I saw a Toa of fire battling a creature that launched blasts of ice. The Toa dodged nimbly, his sword flaring brightly as he slashed at a pointed icicle hurtling towards him. The creature screamed in rage, its spines rattling angrily, and launched itself at him, cutting the Toa deeply with its bladed staff. The Toa struck the thing multiple times, his sword blazing brightly even in the darkness that the ship had brought, and with a blinding flash, split the creature in two. I felt my heart rise and leapt down to join the fray just in time to see another creature with a hooked staff ram it through the Toa's undefended back. He fell and did not move.I felt the rage take me, and blasted a stream of fire from my spear, striking the creature full on in the chest. Half expecting it to walk through unharmed as the other hand, I was amazed to see the entire thing begin to melt into a pile of sludge. The heat of my fire simply being too much for it to handle.I didn't allow myself to celebrate this time, turning my spear behind me and ramming the point into another creature where the head met the body. The creature screamed and gurgled as it fell. A blast of elemental energy and it fell silent.Bomonga joined me on the ground, rage evident in his normally calm face. He brought up the earth to form barriers for the still fighting Matoran and to form enormous hands to crush the creatures that swarmed everywhere. I ran onwards, my blade flashing and my shield taking many blows.So blinded was I by anger that I didn't even realize the head of my spear was lodged in the neck of the fallen creature behind me. Swinging madly with the haft I struck the creatures repeatedly, desperately hoping with each strike they would fall. Instead my handle shattered and I found myself surrounded.For a brief moment I felt fear as I saw the creatures closing in on me, their hissing breaths seeming like laughter. Then I saw the image of my dead brothers in the funeral pyre that had once been our city and remembered what these things had taken from me. No longer did I feel anger, instead I fought to avenge my brothers. I struck with Toa Jurian's gauntlets, blasting one of the creatures heads so hard that it simply hung limply like a metal ball on a string. I whirled, facing the rest of the creatures that surrounded me, and delivered a brutal backfist to the closest one to me, allowing my fire to channel through the heavy gauntlets. The metal became like a heated blade, cutting through the torso of the creature and dropping it like a rock. The other creatures shied away, their spines rattling anxiously and their staffs dropping slightly. I didn't allow them to escape, instead surrounding us with a ring of blazing fire. The creatures hissed angrily and launched themselves at me, attacking me with creeping vines, and gale force winds.I ducked, raising Toa Kyr's melted shield and kneeling behind it. The wind struck me full force and knocked me back, but did not lift me as it had in Gaho-Nui. I then allowed my flame to suffuse my entire body, watching as the vines shriveled and died the second they touched me. Without giving the creatures a second chance I hurled Toa Kyr's shield, suffusing it with just enough elemental energy that it became like a whirling blade. It severed the top of the wind creature's carapace, revealing the worm inside. I struck it with one gauntleted fist, relishing the feeling of it being crushed.The vine creature, realizing it was outmatched attempted to escape from the ring and found itself trapped. It screamed angrily and launched several vines at me at once, not attacking my body--instead attacking my mask. I beat at the vines with my fists, allowing the blazing heat to turn them into ash. Then I leapt high in the air, driving one armored fist into the creature's skull, driving it so hard into the ground that the creature left a small hole. I blast of fire directly into its back and it lay still.I allowed the ring of fire to fade, running forward to see any other foes, and found that the courtyard was disturbingly silent. There were no longer any sounds of combat--no screaming of the creatures as they fell, no shrieks of metal-on-metal, not even the whistling of Kanoka as they flew through the air. Everything was disturbingly still and silent.That's when I realized that it was bright, moreso than I remembered. Glancing upwards I saw that the ship had gone--had we beaten it?No, I saw now that the ship had succeeded in its task. The city of warriors hadn't completely fallen, but its Matoran--its warriors, had been taken. The city was now as empty as the others before it. A silent tomb for those who had fallen.==============================================================================Long night. Tired. Review?

Chapter Eight: WarriorsThe city of Ava-Nui rested on a broad plateau, surrounded by a massive armored wall with various watchtowers. And from behind the wall many smaller towers could be seen. Inside only the best warriors were trained, and each of them was supplied with only the best weapons. It was a brutal and rough city, a city made of sand and rock, a sun-parched city where only the hardest survived. Our small craft cut through the water, coming nearer and nearer to the city until at last we reached the first of the barricades. a field of rocks had been set up with a mechanism that allowed them to surface and submerge in a pattern. Only someone who knew the pattern could pass safely--someone who didn't would end up with hundreds of punctures in their vessel--and the field was far enough away from the island that swimming was an impossibility.I, like every other Toa, had been taught the pattern--however I had never had to use it. a sickening feeling of nervousness came over me, shaking my nerves and causing a shudder to run through my body. Then the vision of that black ship came to my mind and my thoughts crystallized. I saw the pattern in my mind as I saw it in the waves. Nudging our ship forward into the first of many safe zones I continued to watch the stones surface. Waiting for my next opportunity.There! Driving the throttle forward I sped our ship into the next safe zone, gazing around at all the stones that continued to rise and submerge. We were almost near the center now, only two more safe zones to go, and as we got further in the pattern became more complex, the motions more calculated to scuttle any sort of invading vessel. I let loose a bitter laugh at the black humor of it all.Another opportunity came and I drove the ship forward, narrowly nicking of the stones before making it into the safe zone. It wasn't enough to cause any real damage to the ship, but it was enough to concern me. From here I could see the pattern completely, watching the massive rocks rise and fall in different timed bursts. Only one more safe zone remained, and then we would be in the bay of Ava-Nui.I saw my chance and upped the throttle, gliding slowly into the safe zone. I remembered that this part of the pattern was trickier than most, if I had sped through as I had on all the others, a secondary defense mechanism would have activated, hurtling a stone spear upward through the center of our ship. Breathing a sigh of relief I nudged our ship completely out of the pattern and into the expansive bay of Ava Nui.The bay was shaped like a crescent, two bladed bits of the island sweeping forward like claws ready to attack. In the very center of these two claws was the plateau that held the city--and in front of that plateau was an enormous wall armed with Kanoka disk launchers. It was an intimidating sight, and one that almost made me feel hope--perhaps the defenses of Ava-Nui would be enough to vanquish the black ship?Pushing through, past my fear and past my hope, I allowed my mind to work on autopilot. Hope, fear, sadness, anger. None of that mattered right now, all that mattered was making it to the fortress before me and warning them--so that we might conquer the black ship together, and rescue all the many Matoran it had stolen.At last we came close to the shore and I saw a sight I had not seen for some time--Matoran! They were armed with smaller Kanoka launchers, and bore the mark of Ava-Nui's defense force. They beckoned us to come closer to the docking station, their eyes careful to never leave our small vessel.I guided the boat to where they had indicated, and with a slight bump we docked up against the small pier. Instantly the Matoran had attached chains to our vessel and to the posts on the pier. Then they looked at us with harsh eyes."Toa. What is your purpose here?" Their leader said slowly, his Kanoka launcher pointed at the ground--but I didn't doubt for a second that he couldn't have it aimed at me incredibly quickly."I am Toa Norik, this is Toa Bomonga." I said, indicating my now-rousing companion. "We bring a warning to your island, and must speak with your Turaga immediately!" The Matoran turned to talk amongst themselves, their leader keeping his eyes firmly on us. He wore a reddish brown Noble Huna, a large scar dominating one side of his mask, and several smaller scars gracing the rest of his mask. One of his soldiers turned to him, whispering something in his ear, then immediately stepped back. The leader gazed at us cooly."Our Turaga is currently busy, however we have been instructed to bring you to the island.""We must see your Turaga!" Bomonga shouted, now fully awake. "Please, it is a matter of the utmost urgency! The safety of your city is at risk!"The leader glanced at his soldiers and hoisted his Kanoka launcher over his shoulder. Then he laughed a harsh laugh and pointed at our boat."Not even a Toa who knows the pattern can make it through unscathed" he laughed, indicating the small dent in the bow of our boat. "And yet he thinks that something can actually threaten our island?"His soldiers laughed uproariously in response to their commander's words, clutching their sides as they did so. The commander turned back to us, his face deadly serious and his eyes lacking any humor."No Toa, as Matoran we are in your debt. But as soldiers we have our orders. You may not see our Turaga." I sighed and shook my head, hoisting myself from the boat and helping Bomonga to do the same. There was nothing we could do as of yet--still, my heart swelled just a bit. I was around matoran once more, and the fact that there were Matoran here meant that the Black Ship had yet to arrive.I allowed the Matoran guard to lead us down the pier and toward the massive defense wall, listening to his soldiers chatter amicably amongst themselves.Then one fell. Struck by a vicious streak of lightning that seemingly came from nowhere. Another fell to a deadly metal blade that hurtled from the air. In front of us I saw the spined creatures from Gaho-Nui--how had they appeared so quickly? Behind the two creatures was a third, seemingly uninterested in combat it left the two for our small vanguard to deal with.I yelled angrily at the creature, blasting the first with a brutal stream of fire, it simply walked through the blast, seemingly shrugging it off, then launched another of its spinning blades, cleaving one of the Matoran in two.The commander rallied his troops, yelling at them to get in formation as he raised his Kanoka disk. A hail of disks assaulted both creatures, but their pupilless eyes displayed no sign of fear or pain. Instead they simply came closer, each raising its respective staff and launching steel and lightning towards us.Bomonga stood tall, twirling his staff quickly around him he used his element to form a hammer of solidly packed earth at one end. With this heavy weapon he struck the closest creature on top of its skull-like head and was rewarded with a satisfying crack. The creature's skull detached from the rest of the body and dropped like a rock to the stone pier below.Kicking the headless body into the ocean I hurled my spear directly toward the second creature, channeling my elemental powers through it. It struck a clean blow, striking the creature just below its armored carapace and releasing a sea of flames that tore through the beasts body with reckless abandon. It screamed, a metallic whining sound that pierced the air, and then it crumpled to the ground.I waited for the carapace to open, for the small slug thing to worm its way out as it had in Gaho-Nui and was shocked to find nothing in the end. Slowly making my way close to the thing, I closed one armored hand over its slick carapace and heaved it open. The worm inside had been pieced by the spear and blasted with fire--it was nothing more than cinders now. I felt a slight sense of victory. They had attacked and we had repelled themBut just as I was feeling that a low rumbling overhead came and I saw it. Seemingly tearing itself out of thin air it came, its massive form hanging like a marking in the sky it shadowed all the light of the twin suns, bathing us in a darkness deeper than even night. The Black Ship had come.==============================================================================Long night. Tired. Review?

Honestly, I think I only have two complaints for this story.One is simply the victor---frankly I think that Lariska would kick Roodaka's sorry butt all the way to Spherus Magna (and I cannot stand Spherus Magna)Two is Roodaka's description of Lariska, not so much because it's trash talk, but more because it doesn't seem like something Roodaka would say--and worse, it seems stilted, awkward, and kind of shoe-horned in. Honestly, try and speak it out loud and it just seems...silly.There were some other minor grammatical errors that I noticed (For example, what is a 'testy swing'?) but overall this is a strong piece.Now, with the minor criticisms out of the way, I have to say that I quite enjoyed this story. It was atmospheric and gave a reasoning for why both Roodaka and Lariska did what they did. I personally loved the insight into Roodaka's head you gave, and the explanation of how she operates within her home. I also really enjoyed how you had both characters be evenly matched, and have them work hard against each other--rather than one simply dominating the other (as so often happens in fan written fiction). In fact I have to say that despite the fact I'm not Roodaka's biggest fan (or at least canon Roodaka.) you made her a character I enjoyed reading about. In fact that line was just so...fierce, that I actually found myself cheering for Roodaka despite myself. Any story that has me ally with a character who isn't my favourite is a well written one. So good on you.Please keep it up, I quite enjoyed this tale.-Janus

Honestly, I'm a little mixed on this story.While it is well written, and has a creative word usage and fairly robust vocabulary, it also seems to attempt to be two different things.There's a mix of comedy and ultra-violence that I personally find very disconcerting, the slapstick Dark Hunters being used only for comedic effect and to show how vicious Roodaka can be; heck, it seems even you, as the author, don't particularly like them. However, if it had more of a light take on it, I'd have no problem with this.The fact that both of them are summarily slaughtered in a fairly brutal fashion, and even then attempt to have an air of comedy is just kind of .... odd to me. My mind can't quite reconcile the humor with the brutality.After that, the fight just becomes vicious, and while again well written, it doesn't seem like there's any real point to it. What's Lariska's motivation? What's Roodaka's motivation? They're just kind of going through the motions to me.However in the end the story is yours, and so long as you're satisfied that's all that matters. Again, I did enjoy the word usage and the well composed story. I hope you don't take this criticism as anything other than a fellow author striving for improvement, and hopefully helping others do the same.-Janus

Chapter Seven: The CaveThe journey this time was smoother, the waves less tempestuous and the brilliant light of the twin suns guided us safely on our way. We sped across the waves, occasionally checking our various landmarks. There the Spire Mountains jutted up into the clear blue sky, their jagged peaks showing the way to Ava-Nui.Still our small craft weaved through the waves, its engine groaning in protest as our bow cut through the waters. Bomonga and I rode on in silence, our masks grim and our eyes seeing nothing that was before us.I let myself think back to the beginning, reclining in the cold metal chair of the small boat. It had only been two days now, two days since my world had turned upside down. My city destroyed and my people nowhere to be found. Now I found myself with a companion Toa--perhaps two, should we meet up with Gaaki once more. However I still felt the loss of my people, and my ally Wanderer. I felt my will strengthen as I thought of my small companion. I would rescue him, I would succeed in my quest.I sighed deeply, the hard journey up until this point taking its toll on me--however the journey had not ended, and I could not succumb yet to the darkness that so pressed on me. Turning to my ally Bomonga, I took the controls, allowing him to sleep, as he had done for me as we sped to Gaho-Nui. I hoped that his dreams would be better than mine.I carefully monitored all the equipment in the boat, watching the various dials and readouts as I had watched similar in my home city. Though I had never driven a boat until this point, I had inspected forges with similar readouts--I imagined it was much the same. In the distance I saw another landmark that led the way to Ava-Nui, a strange formation of stone we called the cave: It was a massive dome shaped island that sat in the middle of the ocean, made of a smooth brown stone, it almost resembled a massive boulder. However, through the very center of this strange rock face there was a small tunnel just narrow enough to fit our boat.I had heard the legends of the cave, of the strange tales that had been whispered by many a Matoran. How the tunnel seemed perfectly straight and the light could be seen at all times. And yet how Matoran had been stuck in there for hours on end, seemingly speeding on to a destination they would never reach. Still other tales told of Matoran shippers who were through in mere seconds, seemingly entering and exiting near-instantaneously. It was a strange and mysterious place, and one that marked the boundary of territory for Ava-Nui. After one had completed the circuit of the cave, they had officially entered into Ava-Nui's waters--waters that were fiercely guarded.I turned the wheel I was holding, angling the boat towards the small entrance. Legends were one thing, but this was the fastest way to reach the island--and time was of the essence. I glanced at the dark pit that was the entrance to the pit and hesitated for but an instant, my mind filled with the stories and whispers. Then I cranked the throttle as I had seen Bomonga do the night before, and our small boat sped into the darkness of the cave.It was lighter than I expected, and more expansive. The walls seemingly tapering away into darkness as soon as you crossed the entrance. However I could see the brilliant glow of the twin suns at the end of the tunnel, and ensuring the boat maintained its course I continued my journey there. As we continued, we seemed to get no closer to the mysterious light source I had sworn was the exit. Frustrated and tired I sent a burst of flame to the ceiling--and saw a metal plate and hundreds of different tunnels. Curious, I dialed down the throttle, controlling the small ship with one hand as I made a small sphere of fire in the other. What I saw amazed me. The cave wasn't a single tunnel that drove through the center, it was a myriad of labrythine tunnels, each with its own strategically placed pieces of metal to reflect the light from outside. It was a trap. I smiled, clearly the island of Ava-Nui had more than just physical defenses. They had intended this as a delay for anyone attempting to speed to their island quickly--surely they must have thought that anyone who would want to make haste was an attacker. I imagined they were the ones who spread the rumors and tales, building up the reputation of this mysterious location so that all others feared it. Naturally only someone who had nothing left to lose would dare enter such a fearsome place.Lit by the fire in my palm, I guided our small vessel through the tunnels, careful to avoid the false exits that reflected light--but were nothing more than stone. At last I reached the true exit, and with a shout of jubilation our vessel sped out into the light of the twin suns. And in the distant, gleaming brightly in that light, was the armored city that we had so desperately raced towards.At last we came upon it, the towering fortress city of Ava-Nui. The city of the warrior. ==============================================================================Short Chapter? Leave a review to tell me you hated it!

You're not the only person, trust me. I'm not going anywhere near it. -Janus

Dude, congratulations on your successes! Glad to see you back--even if it's only for a short stay. -Janus

If you use the right tools and the right schedule then NaNo isn't actually that horrible--the only problem that can happen is something that was anticipated to be short might explode on you. Meaning my 'short' story which exploded into a 57,000 epic that still isn't complete. If you need a writing 'motivation' tool, let me know. -Janus

Thanks for being a part of this guys, it was a unique challenge to actually write something even resembling canon again---granted I resisted the heck out of that, but you guys kept dropping more and more canon pieces in, so I eventually got the hang of it. Sorry about my stubbornness.GSR, I think you did a great job with your second chapter, while it definitely wasn't the way I had planned it, it ended up blending seamlessly into the overall narrative and gave us a bit more momentum to keep the story moving. Thanks for that.Legolover, You have a unique grasp on the english language, and while some of the words you use can be awkward, overall you have a very potent vocabulary. You started us on a fairly strong note, and kept that going--plus you were the only one who referenced that darn mouse.Fullmetal Eyrcharmist, You were able to get inside the heads of the characters in a way that I don't feel the rest of us did. While we orchestrated plot developments (or muddled around trying not to do too much, in my case) you really brought a new perspective and depth to each of the characters, which made us more intrigued by what was going on in their lives.Overall, while we weren't quite as productive as the other teams, I feel we have a fairly solid story here, and I'm proud to have been a part of this time.However, as I mentioned before, canon and me are like acid and skin (we don't go together) so I'm unfortunately going to bow out. I may peek in now and then to take a look at where you've sent this story to--if you choose to continue it.-Janus

I've personally enjoyed just writing as much as I can, and then forming chapters later. Especially if I have a good idea of where I want the story to go.Naturally this means that my chapters vary in length, but each of them has a good hook at the end, and each of them contributes something to the overarching story.-Janus

I think I'd have some words for someone who complained about a review freely given. That would be all kinds of rude. -Janus

I don't think that you're too nice--I do think that you have the tendency to over-commit yourself and then guilt yourself over your your inability to complete all of your commitments. I'd also disagree with all the people saying "You can't be too nice" simply because if you're allowing yourself to be taken advantage of (Which I don't think you are, by any great stretch) then you aren't being respectful to yourself--so to be fair it's not being 'too nice' it's simply not having the confidence to say no. However to answer the question again: No, you're not too nice, you're a very generous person who seems to at times take on more than he can handle. -Janus

I'm not sneaking out of my cage, no siree. I would never do that, for I am simply a damsel in...snrk. Kay, yeah, bye!

Embarrassing you? You wanted the stone, you got the stone. I just want to do the whole epic hero quest thing--and hit things with my sword. We both win!

Batman is leagues ahead of Spider-Man. But if the Amazing Spider-Man turns into a trilogy I may just revise that statement.

Dad, why are there two of you? Is one of you evil? Can I hit the evil one with my sword?

When I get outta this cage, you got another thing comin' to ya!

Hey, watch out! All we can do...is wait for my big brother to come and pffffffhahahaha I can't even finish that [You’re not really good at this damsel in distress thing.]

Chapter Six: Beneath the wavesThere was a blinding light and I caught sight of the thin form of the Toa of water gracefully falling through the air. Then I felt the ground beneath me drop away and plunged down into a widened tunnel—this only filled about halfway with water. Bomonga noisily splashed next to me.Gasping for air, Bomonga and I looked around—this was no mere drainage system., that much was evident. The walls were high and smooth with elaborate carvings on them, decorating various ancient Kanohi and Rahi. Even the lighting was far different than had been in the main portion of the city. There was an air of serenity and peace about this place, something that was unexpected after the raging chaos of the world above.The Toa of water surfaced next to us, her eyes narrowed.“You two took long enough. If you had actually bothered to swim maybe you wouldn’t be sitting here gasping for air.” She said, her voice hard. I tried to splutter a reply but found myself being cut off by the Toa’s voice.“I apologize, brothers. It is not your fault that my city has been besieged.” she sighed “Still…I had not expected to enter these halls under such circumstances”“What is this place?” Bomonga asked slowly, his inquisitive eyes glancing eagerly around the room. The Toa sighed.“It’s part of the original city, the ancient city built before we existed. These halls have withstood many attack, and I trust they will withstand this as well.” Bomonga seemed satisfied with this answer and went back to studying the walls. I just nodded politely, my eyes firmly locked with the water below. I studied the ripples and eddies in the current. I studied anything I could in order to avoid looking at her face. Finally I could stand it no longer, and wrenching my gaze away from the depths I looked into the Toa’s eyes. Those eyes so similar to my own, full of heartbreak and sorrow, of weariness and exhaustion. The Toa’s brilliant blue Kakama wore a frown, and a sense of quiet desperation suffused the air around her. I did the only thing I knew how to.“I’m Toa Norik.” I said, extending my hand toward her. The Toa took it, gripping with a strength that belied her size.“Gaaki.” She grunted, wading in the waters.“Gaaki…I apologize.” My voice cracked, then dropped to a whisper. Her eyes narrowed again, their golden sheen becoming more firey.“Why?”“Because my companion…Bomonga,” I said, indicating my brother who was now submerging himself to better study the carvings. “and I were meant to warn you of this. We’ve both seen our cities fa…”“Enough!” Gaaki shouted, whirling around in the water. “I appreciate your apology, Norik. But there’s nothing to be gained from sitting around her and mourning the past. My city is dead, I have to accept that!” she snapped. A silence fell over the wide tunnel, the only sounds being those of the water displaced by Bomonga and my clumsy movements.That silence lasted a good while, permeating the environment of the passage and causing an uncomfortable tension to settle uncomfortably around us. Then at last the water seemed to recede, a smooth stone rising up to meet my feet. I saw Bomonga and Gaaki rising out of the water, Bomonga with the lumbering movements of a waterlogged Toa of earth, and Gaaki with the graceful beauty of a Toa at home in her element. We all slowly stepped up the carved stone ramp, taking a glance at the long passage that had brought us here. Though not apparent while we were in it, the entire passage curved—perhaps wrapping around the whole length of the island.Suddenly I became all-too-aware of the aching in my body: The constant travel, battles, and now this lengthy swim having finally taken its toll on me. I saw Bomonga sag as he encountered much the same. Gaaki walked on, undisturbed.We entered a large round chamber, roughly 20 bios across with a small dais in the center. Above I could see a high peaked ceiling with many different stone supports and a small inset mask—but the walls were what was truly fascinating.Completely translucent they displayed a clear view of the ocean beyond—so clear that it was almost as if you could reach your hand through and touch it.“How is this possible?” Bomonga questioned softly. Gaaki’s response was swift.“Nobody knows. Its been here since the very beginning—perhaps it was Mata-Nui’s gift to our people.” She said offhandedly, shrugging her shoulders.Tearing myself away from the glorious view I stepped nearer to the center of the room.“But what are we going to do now?” I wondered aloud.“This isn’t the end of our journey, brother.” Gaaki returned, shooting me a glance with those flashing eyes.I opened my mouth to speak but found I couldn’t respond. A low rumbling had suffused the chamber, a growling grinding sound that filled the chamber with its great bass. The entire room began to shake, a slight trembling that I could feel in my feet. I saw the others could too. It was the kind of sensation that slid up your legs and took root in your belly, the sickening feeling of something about to drop away. All at once there was a deafening crash and the rumbling stopped. Beyond the protective field all around us we could see fragments of stone slowly sinking into the depths, and above small cracks had formed in the heavy stone ceiling. Gaaki’s face went grim.“It’s over. They’ve taken the tower” was all she said. Then, wordlessly she stepped into the center of the room, lifting one armored glove high in the air. Bomonga and I stared wordlessly, watching as a pillar of light surrounded her form.A Blue glow began to emanate from her closed fist, her elemental powers beginning to show.As the pillar’s glow continued to bathe her body in light, the bright blue energy of her elemental powers washed over her and then suddenly shot up into the air, the stream of energy surrounding the inset mask in the ceiling above. A loud click sounded throughout the chamber, echoing around the clear enclosure.As soon as it had appeared the glow faded and Gaaki stood in the centre of the room, gesturing to Bomonga and I to join her. Almost as soon as we had, the entire raised dais at the center of the room began to descend. It was slow, moving on what I could only assume were smoothly oiled rails. Slowly but surely we began our descent deeper into the heart of the city. I caught one last glance of the beautiful ocean, and then there was only dark walls dimly lit by lightstones.“Where are we going?” I asked, my mind reeling at how expansive and mysterious this city truly was.“Going up to the surface would be sure death.” Gaaki murmured, glancing from Bomonga to me.“This way will be far safer.” With that she lapsed into a melancholy silence.The trip was long, minutes ticking by slowly with only the fading light from the chamber above to gauge distance. I glanced at the stone walls with their inset lightstones, then glanced skyward at the fading pinprick of light that had been the room above.“The rest of your team…what happened to them?” I asked tentatively“Dead.” Gaaki ground out with a harsh tone. “Those creatures killed them all. They were about to kill me too…Thank you, brothers.” She said slowly. I sighed.“Toa Gaaki. I know your loss.”“As do I.” Bomonga said, breaking his silence. Gaaki simply gazed at us both.“Gaaki. I suggest we unite against this…thing. It has threatened the unity of not only your city, but of our entire world. It is our duty to unite.” I spoke passionately, surprising even myself. Gaaki simply smirked, her eyes alight with dark humor.“What, no comment about “Destiny” in there? I know the virtues, Norik. I’m no fool.” I opened my mouth to retort but was summarily shot down.“Still…” she said pensively. “Toa have always been stronger united than divided—I will ally myself with you, Toa Norik, and you Toa Bomonga.”Almost instinctively the three of us touched fists, each channeling a small portion of their elemental powers into the other. A bond of brotherhood had been created.The dais touched down silently, snapping us out of our collective reverie, with a start we each separated and walked off the platform, which almost instantly began its silent ascent. Gaaki led the way, onward through stone corridors reminiscent of the water-filled tunnel. Finally we reached a small stone chamber that seemed devoid of anything but an odd round shape in one of the walls. It was by this that Gaaki stood.“Brothers, this is a closely guarded secret of Gaho-Nui” she began solemnly. “Many of these chambers exist across the city, but those at the deepest depths work the most efficiently.”Bomonga and I said nothing, simply watching and attempting to understand.Gaaki grabbed the stone circle on the wall turned. With that the very stone beneath us began to groan in protest and shake as they split in two, revealing a tube just wide enough for a Toa to comfortably fit through, crouching down on her haunches she pointed at the opening.“This is how we will escape, brothers.” She murmured. Seeing what I was sure were bemused looks on our faces, Gaaki continued to explain.“This tube leads to an outcropping of rock bordering the city. It’s built with an incline that will speed us through there—as for our source of propulsion…” she pointed to the other end of the tube, nearer the farthest wall. There a small metal cap could be seen. “…We’ll use the very waters of the ocean itself.” With that said, Gaaki lowered herself into the tube, closest to the sealed cap.“Bomonga, you’ll have to use your elemental powers to seal the tube from inside—from there I’ll open the seal and we’ll be on our way. Normally we have Matoran down here…but” She trailed off into an awkward silence. Bomonga nodded“Understood”“Norik, climb in.” Gaaki said, motioning for me to join her in the tube. No sooner had I done so, than I felt Bomonga lowering himself in as well. Focusing intently he willed the stones to close again, the gears and metal protesting the entire way. Grunting with exertion the Toa of earth slowly forced the stones to bend to his will, until, with a final click we were left in darkness.“Are you okay, brother?” Gaaki and I asked in unison. Bomonga responded with a pant.“I am fine. I am no Toa of Stone, and so they did not cooperate—but the job is done.”“Hang on, then” Gaaki whispered and in the murky darkness of that tube I heard the sound of the sealing cap being removed.Then I was hurtling through the tube at incredible speeds. The water driving us forward at a pace I had hardly imagined. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and realized that not only was the water driving us forward, but Gaaki was using her Kakama to keep us ahead of the rushing waters. Then, with a suddenness I didn’t expect, we exploded into the sky, plummeting into the deep waters that surrounded Gaho-Nui.We surfaced to the sun rising over the horizon, illuminating the shoreline from which we had just launched—and illuminating the shattered silhouette of Gaho-Nui. No longer did proud watch towers stand gleaming in the light of the sun, no longer did a mighty pillar reach high into the sky. Now the central tower lay in pieces, a massive cleave splitting the stone. The many watchtowers dotting the island had also crumbled to rubble and brilliant flames burned all across the city.Slowly, mournfully, we swam to shore and entered the dead city. The empty shells of those creatures littered the streets and canals, and everywhere was covered in melted stone—just like Koto-Nui and Tapa-Nui. The city had been ruined by the same scourge that had blackened others before it—and we would see it brought to justice.Gaaki’s face hardened at the destruction, her eyes losing some of their brilliant shine as she gazed around at what was once her home. When her eyes fell on the cleft that was once the central tower of Gaho-Nui—the tower under which we’d stood but a few hours ago, her hands clenched into fists.“Toa Norik, Toa Bomonga. We have to end this plague once and for all.” She said passionately, her body trembling in anger. “We have to stop it from ever attacking another city!” She shouted.I nodded.“Agreed, Toa Gaaki. But there are three cities remaining—how are we to figure out which it will attack?” Gaaki’s eyes gleamed, a hint of humor coming through.“Two cities. The Turaga of Metru Nui in all of his infinite wisdom has decided to seal his city off from the rest of us…then again, maybe that was a smart plan.” She muttered.It was Toa Bomonga who spoke next, demonstrating why he was such an excellent Rahi tracker.“Look at the motives thus far.” He began, his deep voice rumbling. “First they attack the city of the forge—thus depriving us of weapons and armor. Then the city of the source, removing our raw materials for more weapons and armor, next they take the city of trade: Ensuring that our distribution routes are cut.” He paused, allowing this information to sink in. “Whatever it is that’s attacking us. They’re smart, they’re slowly chipping away our resources, taking away any sort of fall back—given that information I would think they’d go for Ava-Nui—the city of the warrior. If Ava-Nui falls, we’re defenseless.”Gaaki seemed to mull this over in her mind. “That’s possible, Bomonga.” She began. “But if you’re wrong then we’re dooming the inhabitants of Kura-Nui to the same fate as our islands…can we really take that risk?”“What would you suggest, sister?” I asked, turning to face her as we walked through the ruined streets.“We need to find a way to split our forces—to have each of us visit an island and give warning.” She said strongly. I considered this, reluctant to divide our already small group.“It is an option, sister. But even with three Toa we may run into resistance—would you have us split our forces further?” I questioned. Gaaki’s eyes flared.“I’ll not condemn another city out of fear!” she growled. “I’ll not allow another city to fall just because you’re scared. I’ll not allow this tragedy to repeat itself!” She shouted, a mixture of sorrow and anger colouring her words.I sighed.“Toa Gaaki. We have but one vessel.” I explained “While it can barely fit the three of us, it can—do you really think that with the destruction wreaked here,” I said, indicating the ruined city with one arm “there would be any form of working boat left?”Gaaki’s eyes narrowed and she pierced me with a gaze but stayed perfectly silent as she walked on.All around the city burned, ashes flitting lightly through the air like some demented form of snow. It was a scene of ruination and tragedy. Even through Toa Gaaki’s anger and pride I could see from the slump of her shoulders that she was mourning inside. I said nothing, knowing all to well how that felt.At last we reached the dock where this journey had begun, the shell of the creature that had attacked us marking our point of entry. Just out of sight I could see the rhythmic motions of the ocean’s waves bringing our small boat above the stone lip that bordered the city, and then dropping it below again.Even I could feel the grim look in my face as my companions and I walked slowly, tentatively towards the small niche in the wall. Suddenly everything took on a new poignance: The hollow way our feet echoed on the stone, the furious red of the flames that burned everywhere, even the thousands of ashes that filled the air all somehow seemed to be a grim spectre of things that were yet to come.We crossed the lip and my heart fell. Our tiny vessel was empty. Wanderer was gone. And I knew in that instant he was not merely gone, he had not simply left the safety of the dock, or fallen overboard. I saw in my minds eye the vision of one of those accursed spined creatures looming over him, saw the terror that crept into his golden eyes, and saw his capture. Wanderer was aboard that black ship. I knew it.Bomonga knew this too, his eyes falling and his body sagging as he looked into the vacant boat. I had the opposite reaction, a profound rage filled me, a burning molten feeling that seared through to my very core. I screamed in anger, a primal scream that echoed out into the night. Unthinking as I did so, I released my tightly held control of my element. My flame burst into the air, a brilliant beacon that rocketed into the sky, bathing the docks in a brilliant red.Bomonga and Gaaki stared at me with mixed expressions. Gaaki’s Kakama knitted into a stern look that told me I was a fool, that I would lead them back here. Bomonga’s Huna simply spoke of concern, and of shock. Neither of them understood, neither of them had sworn and oath of brotherhood with him. To swear such an oath, to declare him an ally—and then to fail him…as I had failed my brothers on Tapa-Nui, it was unacceptable!I felt the rage simmering within me, barely contained and threatening to burst to the surface. But it was in this state that I felt my objective crystallize. Not only would I save the Matoran, and the other cities from this menace…but I would destroy it as well, and take incredible pleasure from doing so.I apologized to my companions, bowing my head low in shame, even as I visualized that great black thing collapsing under its own weight as thousands of explosions tore across its hull. I would succeed, I had to!“It appears the time for a decision has come.” Bomonga said, glancing from me to Toa Gaaki. “Will you join us in our quest to save Ava-Nui, or seek your own vessel and venture to Kura-Nui?” He questioned. Gaaki stayed silent, her fierce—and yet tired eyes, firmly locked with Bomonga. Finally, she sighed.“I do not begrudge you in your task, brother. Nor you, Norik.” She said slowly. “But what if you’re wrong? What if that plague attacks Kura-Nui while we’re busy protecting Ava-Nui? I’ll not let another city die—not like mine has…” she trailed off into silence.Bomonga said nothing, nodding his head slowly. I sighed.“I understand, Gaaki. I wish you well in your quest and may we meet again.”“I don’t want to abandon you brothers, understand that.” She said firmly. “But I cannot allow this tragedy to repeat itself” she waved at the wreckage of a city that remained behind her.“We can help you find transport, sister.” Bomonga said slowly, putting an arm on Gaaki’s shoulder.“No.” Gaaki looked him straight in the eyes. “Brothers, you have your own quest and I will not hold you here. Go, save the people of Ava-Nui.” As she spoke she turned away, looking at the expansive ocean that stretched out in front of us, its blue surface burning a brilliant gold as the light of the suns struck it.“Toa Gaaki, be reasonable!” I shouted, turning to face her. “With the destruction that has taken place here, there will be nothing to convey you to Kura-Nui…I understand that you wish to help them, but we have no choice but to stick together—unless you plan to walk across the water!”Surprisingly Gaaki didn’t retort immediately, instead bowing her head, a thoughtful expression in her eyes. She smiled“Toa Norik, you may just have something there.” Then, without another word she leapt from the ledge, spinning and flipping through the air and landed perched perfectly still on a wave she had summoned. She gave a brief nod to Bomonga and I, and then activating her Kanohi Kakama she darted into the distance.Bomonga and I turned to look at each other, a slight grin on our otherwise weary faces.“I guess she didn’t need a boat.” Bomonga laughed.“I suppose not, brother.” I chuckled, the sound seeming unfamiliar to me. “Regardless, we should leave at once—who knows what we’ll find when we reach Ava-Nui…” I let myself trail off into silence, all-to-aware of my grim tone. Bomonga nodded, clambering into the boat docked below. I joined him, for once my mind not a whirling cacophony of thought and sound, now instead it was focused, harnessed. Only one end goal was in my mind and all of my energy would be dedicated toward that end. It was with this thought that I seated myself in our small seafaring vessel, unconsciously nodding toward Bomonga to go, and with a slight roar of the engine, our small ship pulled out from the docking port, speeding out into the sunlit ocean. ==============================================================================Eventually there might actually be reviews here!

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