Cederak

Yes, the SSCC prides itself on quality. On that note, Zaxvo will be handling your request. Thank you, Nuile. -Ced

I typically have other things to do with my day and might glance at a topic I made later on or something.-Ced

Yeah, I still remember the mantra, actually. Can do, will do, done. A little over-the-top, but not a bad set line.-Ced

Absolutely! I'll be assigning Velox to your epic and rest assured, he is a very capable critic. I recognize your post contains the elements asked of anyone making a request, but in the future, please adhere to the format outlined in the initial post. Thank you! Okay, I will. Thanks! When do you think I can expect the review?Probably sometime during this longer-than-usual weekend.-Ced

The Makuta certainly put together something interesting, didn't they? Or rather, you did. For a species that has often stood in the way of my creativity due to all the power they possess (and the 42 separate abilities therein), limiting that power in Evior is a clever way to create a character that is…relatable. Your Makuta are every bit the unfeeling, mad scientists that Bionicle's later years made them out to be - so full of hubris as to deem their work "perfection creating perfection." Evior on the other hand is still trying to figure himself out and, to some extent, understand the world he was brought into. Your prologue was enough to interest me in the idea of an epic surrounding Evior's servitude to the Makuta and I'm already familiar with your capacity to build an extensive narrative. I look forward to seeing where the Makuta's demanding expectations will take your curious lead character. Fine work.-Ced

As a note to all ECC critics, our little group is now a little more than seven months old and to celebrate your hard work, I wanted to give you each a small token of my appreciation for what you provide to the epic sub-forum. As such, any ECC critic is allowed to request more than one review for an epic. The intro post has been modified to reflect this decision. I trust you won't abuse this membership benefit. Thanks,-Cederak (ECC Director)

Live-action? That'll be...different. I'm curious now to see how it'll turn out.-Ced

Looking at the order of things, the next person on the list would have been you. But I suppose you'll have the next assignment and this one will go to Zosia Darr. Thank you, Hahli Historian. -Ced

Yeah, I was also thinking about the Mata Nui Robot's head. Let's just make sure it doesn't look like it's been hit by a moon. Or a chunk of a moon. Or whatever answer they've agreed upon over in S&T.-Ced

Who has it?At present, no idea. But Cartoon Network gave it to some kid named Chase as part of a Toonami contest. Maybe he still has it?-Ced

That's my bad, I didn't read close enough, Bfahome and that Rhotuka looked pure white from what I could tell. It's weird I didn't notice, 'cause I actually used to own the Battle of Metru Nui... -Ced

^^^ Oh yeah, how did I forget about the Golden Masks? Well, that all sounds about right, Katuko.-Ced

As far as we know, Kanoka combinations create a mask with a single ability - that can be used for multiple purposes sometimes. It takes focus to maintain a Kaita and the combination of mask powers that come with it, so I don't believe a multi-powered Kanohi can be created (or sustained) through normal mask making. And regarding exposure to EP to bring about a combination Kanohi, well, I suppose if it's destined to be.-Ced

Ah, one-upmanship - gotta love it. -Ced

Man...iOS gets all the cool stuff first.-Ced

Disk: Vakama MetruRhotuka: Rahagu KualusGray Head: Nuparu from the Boxor, I believeThrowbot piece: Boss RoboriderRed leg: Alpha Team Scorpion Orb LauncherBlack flame: Tower of Toa setEDIT: Oh, you said light gray head. Well, that could be from Takua/Pewku, Jaller/Gukko, '03 Matoran, or less likely, those old Lego Sports hockey sets.-Ced

I'd have to say prose, by far. Like you said, other than a couple comedies from years ago (and a couple interesting assignments by my high school English instructor), I've never had a need to use script...and prose works just fine for my purposes.-Ced

Done and done. Thank you for choosing the ECC, joev14!-Ced

Hello again, joev14, here is part 2 of your official ECC review. Once I finished Golden City Origins, I don’t agree with your statement that these two stories needed to be critiqued by the same person. While both The Gorge and Golden City Origins occur during different eras in the Exo-Force universe, they are disconnected to the point that I’m entirely certain I could read and understand Golden City without knowing about Gorge. Anyway, let’s talk story issues. First off, I should’ve mentioned this in part 1, but the walls of text you created throughout both epics should really be condensed into smaller chunks. It’s easier to read that way. sphere cannon Much like your little comment in Gorge, this ruined the pacing of a serious moment.Y’know, I love a good prequel as much as anyone and I think it was nice to see you showcasing your talents when you have a bit more space to breathe. Gorge was claustrophobic compared to what you were able to come up with in Golden City. I’ll admit, your dialogue remains stunted and flat, but you gave your characters a bit more personality this time around. The plot plays upon the dynamic between the Exo-Force and the robots and takes us back a century or so, where humans are still plagued by machines. Hence, they have their own array of mechs to battle with. I’m still rather curious if the mechs predated the machines or if it was the other way around, but I suppose that doesn’t matter much.It’s hard for me to say too much regarding Golden City, because your writing skills remain relatively the same as in Gorge. The major difference is that your canvas was larger this time and you made excellent use of that. There’s still a notable lack of detail regarding scenery and the world around your characters, opting to only describe the finer points of mech battle. I’ve already outlined where you need improvement and what is working, now you just need to utilize and practice your skills.-Ced

Hello, joev14, here is part 1 of your official ECC review. I must admit, while I was already familiar with the Exo-Force characters (humans and robots) I was never terribly interested in the Exo-Force lore, or the sets for that matter. I did take the time to do the additional reading you recommending though. That in mind, I think I’ll start by addressing the grammatical issues. If you made any of these changes in the versions of your chapters posted to BZP, I apologize. I read your epics directly from the wiki links you posted in order to more easily check links for background info on subjects I needed a refresher about.Chapter 1: Definitely split this into two or more sentences. It seemed off that both sentences began with “Suddenly.” I’m sure you can be more creative.Chapter 4: I get that you were trying to make a point, and crack a joke at pop culture at the same time, but that really ruined the pacing. I’m not necessarily saying to take it out, because if you can find a better way to address the matter, go for it.The ECC does accept epics that cover any Lego-related work. However, when I stumble upon non-Bionicle requests, I’m always a little curious about why their work wouldn’t have been more suitable on a different website. But let’s get back on topic. The Gorge provides a vague sense of mystery regarding the entity that crosses paths with Meca One, and I think that might’ve been the complete scope of engagement you created. The Gorge is a short interlude between what had been a notable confrontation and the Comic you linked to at the end. It serves a purpose as a minor event, and as such, may have worked as a single short story. No chapters, but one short story. Because that’s what it really felt like.So now, let’s talk characters. If someone is invested in a particular fictional universe, they probably know the attitudes of the main characters, their motives, their beliefs, etc. Even with Bionicle fanfics, that fact sometimes lends to a copout in regard to the writer. By this I mean that you didn’t explore the characters much. Meca One as a machine is one dimensional on his own, but the humans feel just as mechanical in their actions. Almost forced, perhaps…if that makes sense.The plot remains relatively consistent. Meca One struggles to remain active and online, while the humans are busy playing clean-up after their recent victory. Again, that just doesn’t feel like epic material because the scope is so narrow. It’s a complaint neither of us can do anything about now, but definitely consider in the future, even if your work feels a bit long, ask yourself: should this be an epic or just a short story that’s drawn out a bit? There’s nothing wrong with either, it just helps to classify them properly.Overall, The Gorge serves its purpose and fills in the blanks between one major event and the next. Unfortunately, it falls short from characters as lifeless as Meca One and (what I believe could be) an interesting landscape dropped in place of hurrying through your plot. Still, you made very few grammatical mistakes along the way, and that leads me to believe you have potential, despite the story’s shortcomings. Pace yourself, focus on detailing the world around your characters, invest yourself in really bringing out those characters, and analyze dialogue to ensure it sounds natural. Writing is like Sentai Mountain, joev. The climb is hard work and even if you make it, there’s always more work to be done. Keep at it, joev.-Ced

Absolutely! I'll be assigning Velox to your epic and rest assured, he is a very capable critic. I recognize your post contains the elements asked of anyone making a request, but in the future, please adhere to the format outlined in the initial post. Thank you! You did an outstanding job. I'll definitely keep your advice in mind regarding "said" and, to be honest, Veladri was one of my favorite characters to write. Thank you so much, TNTOS! -Ced

Hello, joev14. I'm glad to see what a busy writer you are, however, to be fair to other authors here on BZP, we will only accept one of your epics. Once a critic has completed their review, you may return with another request. Once you decide which epic you'd like reviewed first, please edit your initial post to reflect the decision and I will have a critic assigned to it as soon as possible. Thank you for understanding.-CedEDIT: Regrettably, I still cannot accept your request. Your chapter amount given does not match the chapter amount in the actual epics. I would begin reading these immediately if I accepted the request, and those last chapters wouldn't be up yet. So, if you're willing to have part of the epics reviewed right now, to expedite the process, I'll take them personally. Otherwise, I would understand if you wanted to retract your request until the epics have been entirely posted. Especially given our other rule on epics only being critiqued ONE TIME. Think it over and edit your post to let me know.EDIT 2: Okay, I'll probably have a review up for you around Sunday some time.

Another well-done story turned into a world of bricks and stripped of virtually all dialogue. I mean, can the achievements even still be halfway original by this point when the basic mechanics are essentially the same across every title? I suppose it doesn't matter though. Chances are, this one will sell about as well as all the rest.-Ced

Yeah, I think my favorite would have to be the Galaxy Patrol guy, mostly because he reminds me of Mass Effect's Commander Shepard.-Ced