Cederak

The End by Tolkien has been reviewed. Thank you for choosing to mix business with pleasure and coming to the SSCC. -Ced

Hello, Tolkien, here is your official SSCC review. I think your warning that this would be a weird one was right on the money. After taking a second to read your subsequent blog entry and your responses to earlier feedback, there's something incomplete about the feel of "The End" somehow. As a critic, I hate to say it's an indescribable feeling, but I'm having trouble finding the right words at the moment. I'll come back to that later on after discussing some other points I wanted to make. We can skip my customary grammar/spelling bit, as I couldn't find any issues there. Well done.There's an intentionally cryptic side to "The End" that I really enjoyed, though I must admit, it left me with a few questions. So I'll try to piece together what seems correct. The Great Cataclysm left Metru Nui in ruins, a veritable wasteland by the time your story begins, and the sole survivor has been standing guard for eons. His existence harbors an entire culture's history and values and through a blind (literally) struggle to remember who and what he is, he finally searches out a place of importance. I recognize this is an alternate universe story, but the details of what happened following the Great Cataclysm remain foggy here. Did the Toa Metru fail somehow? Was Teridax defeated? How was your character awakened in his current state? Now, the possibility that this is a dream world being allegorically played out as your character's journey to rediscover what he must do in the many years after the Great Cataclysm is certainly one idea that came to mind, and I wouldn't mind if that turned out to be your intention. It actually wouldn't detract from the story at all, in my opinion.So I think that was enough rambling to give me a chance to find words for the feeling of what seems to be missing in your story. I want to stress that your attention to detail is nothing short of stellar. You brought your barren Metru Nui to life in my mind, focusing properly upon every feature and facet that you character came in contact with. Without the use of his eyes, your narration gives the reader brilliant sight through which to see your world. Meanwhile, Nga-Ro's interaction with his world through the other senses is a fine use of descriptive prowess on your part. In stark contrast to the dead land he persists in, beautifully inconsistent with his weariness and fleeting thoughts of surrender, Nga-Ro has a spirit of determination that refuses to lay down and die until he absolutely must. He is an admirable lead, especially given what he has endured and what he once was. Perhaps the vagueness of falling from that throne to becoming the entity he is in "The End" serves its own importance, because it's another idea that I really liked as I was reading along. It's probably pretty clear by this point that I threw a lot of speculation into this review, huh? Oh well, just keep reading—I have some nice things left to say.Once more, I truly enjoyed reading this one. Despite its differences from more straightforward affairs here in the SS department, the library could use a little taste of the alien now and again. And from such a competent writer no less! Excellent work, Tolkien.-Ced

"My shadow side, so amplified, keeps coming back dissatisfied." -Red Hot Chili Peppers Episode 05: Antithesis After tightly shutting my eyes for a long eternity of what could've only been a few minutes, I slowly opened them and studied my surroundings. I managed to grab hold of a ceiling rail on the way down through the train, letting my legs hang helplessly in the chasm of cars leading to the dark water. All of the doorways leading to the head car were wide open, and I could see the water had broken through the windshield far beneath me. Outside the windows, pairs of glowing eyes were all around, examining the wreckage and staring me down. I could hear the constant sound of water pouring in from below and I knew my time was running out. Rovaius and his gang were nowhere in sight, and when I looked down to scan the front of the train, I could see the water level was quickly rising. Worse than that, something was swimming toward the surface. "Not like ranching, huh?" I glanced up to find the source of the voice, catching Stalgrax in the rail car above me, dangling the Hyper Burst Cannon around. Considering the train was nearly pointed straight down, he managed to stand on the back of a chair bolted to the floor. "Where did the others go?" I asked, frantic about the entity in the water. Stalgrax grinned. "Topside, of course. You may want to get moving, Adrinor, because this cannon won't be recharging for a while." With that, Stalgrax leapt off the chair all the way to the next rail car, continuing on with relative ease. I knew I didn't possess enough strength to pull off the same maneuver, but I had to follow him. I wasn't terribly interested to see who (or what) was down in the constantly rising water. I studied the rail car above me for anything to grab. Unfortunately, my only option was the chairs. I couldn't push myself off of them like Stalgrax, but I could climb between them. I pulled my way up the ceiling rail until I was between the cars, lifting myself into the next car and grabbing the first chair. "Okay, good start!" Stalgrax shouted down. "No pressure, but our guest is about to arrive!" My heartlight sank when he said this and I heard a splash in the water below. I climbed up one more chair before looking back down, immediately regretting the decision. In that moment I connected with the insane, azure eyes of a maniacal entity. His powerful, jade armored legs allowed him to bound from rail car to rail car in a flash, all while he slashed his razor-sharp protosteel talons through the train walls. "I will tear the limbs from your body!" the entity threatened, his voice distorted by some kind of breathing apparatus around his head. From Pridak's description on Xia, I assumed a very furious Barraki Ehlek was headed my way. I scrambled for the next chair, struggling to keep distance between myself and the psychopath below me. I kept a close eye on him, but I could see more of his kind were waiting to kill me from the other side of the windows. When I turned my head up to the sky, I could see Stalgrax had successfully evacuated the last train car. He was waiting for me to join him, but I knew I couldn't outrace the Barraki beneath me. As I leapt to the second to last train car, I loaded my laser rifle and waited for it to charge. I had a few seconds before I would be caught and I knew that wasn't nearly enough time to do any significant damage. Ehlek had taken notice of my loaded weapon and dug his silver claws into the side of the train car below me. He glared into my eyes, prepared for me to make a move. "What happens if I pull that thing off your face?" I asked. The Barraki's glare remained still. "Something similar to when I tear the lungs from your chest in a moment." "I'd like to see that," I mocked, hiding my fear. "So would I!" Ehlek hissed, leaping up toward the train car where I was waiting. Despite his momentum, I jumped from the chair, slamming into his chest and firing my weapon into his head. Without wasting a second, I propelled myself from his body and tried to jump as high as possible. I barely made it to the highest train car, but that was a victory in itself. Far below, I could see Ehlek had merely been dazed by the laser blast. He tore the damaged breathing apparatus from his face, clutching his mouth in anger as he stared up at me. He then slashed open a window and vanished into the dark water. Without warning, I was tugged up to the top of the train car, hurled onto the beach of Zakaz. Stalgrax was standing over me, directly blocking the blazing sun. "We must've done some serious damage, to directly draw the attention of Barraki Ehlek like that," Stalgrax said. "The train probably smashed through an undersea fortress or something." "So that was Ehlek?" I asked, trying to catch my breath. "Sure was. You were smart enough to disable his breathing apparatus though." "It was a blind shot, honestly." "Well we aren't out of Zakaz yet," Stalgrax said, offering me a hand. "Let's see if your lucky streak will get us to safety from the law enforcement on the surface. Skakdi aren't terribly clever, but like always, we're terribly outnumbered." Stalgrax dashed toward the city and I hurried after him. He seemed to know where the others had gone, or he was looking for the fastest route to the nearest dock. We made it a couple streets into the maze of skyscrapers before I saw Elendra diving to cover - narrowly avoiding a volley of energy blasts. The shots managed to obliterate the wall of a nearby building and I peeked out to locate their origin. Seven Skakdi were following close behind a biomech that reminded me of a Toa of some sort. "We need to reach Elendra across the street," Stalgrax muttered, loading his rifle. "When you see me start to move, I need you to sprint to Elendra, understood?" I nodded. "Got it." I loaded the laser rifle and anxiously waited for Stalgrax. He glanced around the corner for less than a second and bolted for Elendra. I took off after him, watching him fire a few shots at the Skakdi in the distance. I took aim at the biomech resembling a Toa and fired a laser shot. Keeping my eye in the scope, I stuck around to examine my handiwork. The biomech hurled a Kanoka disk at the laser, shooting it with his own weapon. The Kanoka exploded into an almost transparent barrier that caused the laser energy to rebound into the sky before dissipating. I realized the Skakdi were carrying plasma shotguns and stared in shock at their mysterious ally. He channeled his power into his arms and shadow energies crackled and emanated from his hands. He had to be a Nohtalian. His sleek silver and jet black armor glimmered in the sunlight, and his head was a glossy white. His bright, golden eyes stood out the most, but I barely had time to look at them. The biomech hurled a torrent of shadow bolts at me and I dove out of the way. Stalgrax dragged me further from harm's way and lifted me to my feet. "Who is that!?" I asked, terrified of what I had just seen. "We need to find Trylac and Rovaius right now!" Elendra hollered, blindfiring her weapon at the Skakdi. "There they are!" Stalgrax replied, pointing at a rooftop on the other side of the street. The Nohtalian hurled a ball of dark energy their way and Rovaius countered it with one of his own. The sunlight was in their direction, but I could make out their forms when I squinted. With exceptional marksmanship, Trylac popped a couple shots into the skulls of two Skakdi, instantly terminating them. Their supporter turned his head in Trylac's direction and immediately fired back. Rovaius suddenly leapt from the rooftop, shooting a couple Skakdi through the chest and one more through the arm wielding a shotgun. Trylac took the opening to fire on another Skakdi, severing its spine at the back of the skull. Rovaius landed and sliced the last Skakdi through the chest, tearing through his torso and slashing his spine apart. He then kicked the corpse off his weapon, staring down the Nohtalian for a moment. It looked like they were talking about something, but they were too quiet to hear. "He'll have reinforcements here in no time," Elendra commented to Stalgrax. "We need to buy Rovaius some time." I kept my eyes on the street, watching Rovaius expertly deflect the Nohtalian's shots with the sharp side of his gunblade. Upon closer inspection, I realized the Nohtalian was carrying a gunblade of his own. The pair rushed together then, clashing their weapons and echoing a mighty sound down the streets. I took a second to look behind me and Stalgrax and Elendra had disappeared. Deciding not to worry about it, I turned my attention back to where Trylac had been, also discovering he had vanished. The piraka seemed to assume their leader could handle a single Nohtalian and I was willing to trust their judgment for the moment. Rovaius swung at the Nohtalian, within inches of ripping his opponent's arm off. He immediately followed with a horizontal slash, and their weapons met again. The Nohtalian was certainly strong, able to match Rovaius' strength and hold his blade in place. The pair channeled their shadow energies into their blades, causing bolts of darkness to crackle from their weapons. They both disconnected at the same moment, leaping backward before firing on one another. The Nohtalian hurled a Kanoka disk at Rovaius, but Rovaius mirrored the Nohtalian's earlier technique, shooting the disk in midflight. The resulting explosion was a concentrated ice storm that sent razor-sharp chunks of snow all across the street. Both Nohtalians were covered in a light layer of ice, but seemed unfazed. Rovaius opened fire again and I realized the other Nohtalian seemed to be using similar practices, peppering in shots from his weapon whenever Rovaius gave him an opening. Rovaius was swift though, and entirely prepared for the performance. "It doesn't have to be this way!" the Nohtalian yelled, swinging his blade at Rovaius. "I couldn't agree more! This can all end when you drop your weapon and accept your doom!" Rovaius roared back, launching an array of shadow bolts at the Nohtalian. In the short time I had known Rovaius, I had never seen him as furious or violent as he was here. On Xia, I was warned that unbridled passion without thought was an absolute evil. And now Rovaius had personified that evil, losing his freedom to rage. The unknown Nohtalian left himself open for less than a second and Rovaius took full advantage of the opportunity. Rovaius stabbed the Nohtalian through the side of the abdomen, quickly firing his weapon off. The energy exploded inside the Nohtalian's muscle tissue and sent him flying backwards, causing him to crash into one of the fallen train cars. Rovaius ran headlong for the train car, keeping his gunblade ready as he hurled a burst of shadow energy at it. As Elendra had anticipated, more Skakdi were marching toward Rovaius' position. I called out from my location to Rovaius, shouting, "Get to cover!" Rovaius turned to look at me, leaving himself wide open. The Nohtalian rose from the train car debris, firing a few shadow bolts into Rovaius, tackling him to the ground and flinging his weapon away. I rushed for the gunblade as the Nohtalians grappled, listening to the Skakdi exchange fire with their enemies down the street. The other piraka had likely set up a trap and the local law enforcement had fallen for it. I scooped up the gunblade, firing on the Nohtalian and shooting him in his abdominal wound. The blast sent him spiraling toward one of the Skakdi corpses and he instantly picked up a plasma shotgun. I knew I was no match for him and with the gunblade in one hand and Rovaius in the other, I hurried to cover while Stalgrax, Elendra, and Trylac opened fire on the Nohtalian's position. The Skakdi were on their way with far more troops than we could handle and I knew we had to keep moving. Rovaius tugged his arm from my grasp and offered me an open hand, expecting his gunblade. I turned the weapon over to him and he gave me a grim look. "Thank you, Adrinor." "Hey, I got you distracted in the first place. I had to get you out of there." "Very brave of you," Rovaius said. "Now we need to escape to the nearest dock." "What about the others?" I questioned. "I trust their abilities," Rovaius explained. "Trylac has surely told them I wanted to head to the dock. They can meet up with us there and we'll board a freighter back to Xia." Rovaius and I managed to sneak our way along the outskirts of the city, staying out of the vigilant eyes of the Skakdi. The city was already on high alert after we crashed a train into the undersea realm of Barraki Ehlek, and we knew they would be searching the area for the party responsible for so much death and destruction. Rovaius quietly opened an empty cargo crate and I stepped into the darkness with him. "How will they find us here?" I asked, overly curious. "Trylac, like all Dectraz, has a keen sense of smell," Rovaius whispered. "After years in my company, he knows how to trail my scent quite well. He's no Energy Hound, but he's effective." I could hear Rovaius grunting in slight pain now and again, and I assumed it was from touching—and applying pressure to—his wounds. I could see the faint glow of his heartlight steadily beating and I had more questions on my mind. "You okay? You looked like you were having some trouble against that Nohtalian back in the city." Rovaius didn't respond. I waited for a sound, for anything, but he was silent. "I wasn't suggesting you're a poor fighter or anything," I continued. "You were actually pretty fast out there. I just thought, from the way you got shot…" A claw tapped on the cargo crate and the door slightly creaked open. "Are you two all right?" Trylac asked. It was the first time I ever detected concern in his voice. "We're fine," Rovaius replied, getting to his feet. "Let's board a ship and get back to Xia." The five of us stealthily snuck onboard a nearby freighter and situated ourselves between a couple crates - staying completely out of sight. It would be a long journey to the Xian shore. I knew not to speak until the constant sound of the waves would prevent our voices from being heard by the ship's crew. "Is he a Brotherhood agent or something?" I blurted out, still very interested in the astonishing Nohtalian. "Who would train him to be that precise?" Rovaius stared angrily at me and muttered. "I did." "Oh," Stalgrax piped up, suddenly aware of the topic at hand. "Trivolox." I remembered him practically cursing the name that first night and now he said it so casually. Trying to hide my knowledge of the name, I had to know more. "That's his name? Trivolox? Where did he come from?" "From Nohtal, obviously," Elendra said, almost taking no pleasure in her sarcasm. "You were probably perceptive enough to figure that much out." "I don't want to talk about him right now," Rovaius snarled. "Adrinor deserves to know," Stalgrax argued. Rovaius folded his arms, looking away in frustration. Stalgrax looked at me and frowned. "Back on Nohtal, when we first set out to take what we wanted and do as we please, we were known as the Rovaius-Trivolox Gang. Those two ran the show together and we were a team of five Nohtalians. When Mata Nui decided to place the Barraki in charge of the universe and allowed them to govern it as they saw fit, it wasn't long before they began to conquer lands. Trivolox heard about this and saw them as traitors to the Great Spirit and his will. To remove any hypocrisy, he knew our gang had broken Mata Nui's laws and wished to atone for his misdeeds to the Great Spirit." "That's enough," Rovaius warned. Stalgrax ignored him. "On a dark, cold night, he killed two of our members, practically his brothers, and almost did the same to me. Rovaius managed to intervene, saving my life. We attempted to injure Trivolox, but the shadows aided his escape. The next time we encountered each other, he said he was working for a higher power. We learned he had military contacts through the League and across many lands. He would never speak directly with the Barraki, however, given his unwavering allegiance to Mata Nui." It all made sense. Stalgrax's initial hesitation about me was rooted in the fear that I would follow in the footsteps of Trivolox. Rovaius trained him exceptionally well and now he was using that guidance to try and kill him. I had never known the Nohtalians that Stalgrax was referring to, so I wasn't quite as opinionated on the matter. Trivolox was a Nohtalian who left behind a life of criminal activity to become a symbol of heroism. In the grand scheme of things, we were just villains to him - selfish and destructive. I looked at Rovaius, distressed by his miserable expression. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have brought it up if I had known." Rovaius shook his head. "Don't pity me, Adrinor. I have lived some of my finest moments already. You dreamt of seeing the world…seeing the world and calling the shots. You wasted years because you were afraid to live as you dreamed. Well, this is it. This is freedom, bound to objects and allies only if you choose them. There's an entire world out there and there's no reason you have to see it with us. That's not to say I haven't enjoyed the past few days, but I won't stand in your way on this." I averted my gaze from Rovaius. He gave me exactly what I wanted, the chance to be free of a normal life and live as I choose. There had never been a substantial plan for finding my freedom, but now I had it. A dream fulfilled so quickly. Rovaius gave me that and I needed to repay him, despite any lingering uncertainties. I wanted to repay him. "I'm with you," I said with a smile. "All of you." Review

They shut down the Lego Universe servers at the end of January of this year.I'm very curious to see how this new MMO will turn out though.-Ced

I need to check this out. Good thing I always use Chrome! -Ced

I like the Voya Nui stuff, and I'd entirely forgotten there was a map of Bara Magna like that until I glanced at it. Always cool stuff showing up on that blog...-Ced

I'll be turning this over to our newest critic, Zarayna. And thank you, Nick Silverpen, for choosing the ECC. -Ced

Is that a serious question? If it weren't for the sad face emote at the end, I'd have no idea.Um...I'd recommend you check your schedule, determine whether your priorities will allow you time to participate in the Ambage, and edit your post when you've made a decision. No member is required to show up for every write off, and if you only poke your head in once a month or so, we're not going to remove you from the member list for it. -Ced

"All the right friends in all the right places, all the right moves and all the right faces." -OneRepublic Episode 04: An Ephemeral Journey We left Xia early the next morning on a swift sailing vessel piloted by Pridak's soldiers. Sitting on the deck, I examined the two full pouches of laser rifle shells purchased for me by Elendra. I had an odd feeling she might be fonder of my weapon than she was of me, but I didn't think about it long. She took a seat next to me, the dark violet portions of her armor shimmering very brightly under the morning sun. "Thanks again for the rifle shells," I said kindly. Elendra smirked. "We can't expect you to be very effective without ammunition, now can we?" I chuckled. "No, not really." My eyes darted around for a moment, before taking the discussion in another direction. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you leave Trelbin?" Elendra raised an eyebrow at me. "Why are you suddenly concerned?" "It was just a question," I replied uneasily. "You don't have to answer me if you don't want to." Elendra leaned back and stared up at the clouds. "Why does anyone leave home?" "I left because I wanted to see more of the world. Of course, Meldio being just south of the Southern Continent isn't too far." "No, it's not," Elendra agreed flatly. "I left Trelbin after Pridak conquered it from my kind. I was arrested for attempting to rally my brethren against him and after he rambled on about keeping friends close and enemies closer, he offered me a position on Xia as a military advisor to some of his low ranking troops." "And you took the job?" Elendra smiled. "I declined. Pridak had me imprisoned for a week until Rovaius returned from a mission and learned about what I did. He came down to my cell and requested me for his team. I took that job." I smiled back at her. "Do you like this? Y'know…this life?" Elendra sighed happily. "It isn't a glamorous life, but it's one of my choosing. The Great Spirit sees all that we do. If that is true, then he knows the Barraki have conquered and divided the universe among themselves. He allowed them to kill and destroy, and never once raised a finger to stop them. Despite the virtues that Matoran preach about Mata Nui, he seems very tolerable of misconduct in his lands. I believe in having a sense of unity, duty, and destiny, but I also have a sense of free will, of choice. This is my life, and if I must live it while six kings preside over the world, I would rather work with them than serve before them." "Hmm…" I thought aloud. "I suppose this is a glamorous life if the alternative means being enslaved." Elendra pulled a small container from her hip and handed it to me. "I forgot to give you this yesterday. I guess you could call it an initiation gift or some such thing. Take it." I accepted the container, examining the magnetic clip on the back before popping it open. A silver, silken cloth lay neatly folded inside. I looked back at Elendra and grinned. "This seems like more of a gift for my rifle." "Do you want it or not!?" Elendra growled, narrowing her eyes. "Yeah, yeah I'll keep it," I replied hastily, connecting it to my hip. "Thank you, Elendra." "You're welcome," she spat. "I don't go out of my way to do stuff like this much, so don't get used to it." "I wasn't planning on it," I said, rolling my eyes. It was clear that beneath her callous demeanor, Elendra had some degree of thoughtfulness to her, but it wasn't a side she was comfortable showing much. I felt like I had to say something, at least making an attempt to break through to her compassion. "I really do appreciate this though." "I'm sure you do," Elendra said, half smiling as she stood up and walked off, heading below deck. Rovaius and Stalgrax were busy talking up near the front of the railing, and I hadn't seen Trylac since we boarded. I saw Stalgrax glance over his shoulder at me for a moment before turning back to Rovaius. They shared a brief laugh and Stalgrax decided to head my way. I tried not to pay him too much attention, staring out at the water. Stalgrax chuckled at me. "Did you get her temper going?" "Uh…no. She picked up this case for me and I told her it seemed like a gift for my weapon." Stalgrax looked at the case on my hip and nodded. "I saw that case yesterday. Elendra said she was getting a new one for herself. That Trelban still can't find it in herself to be upfront about an act of kindness." "She definitely seems a bit closed off," I muttered. Stalgrax laughed. "You think? For what she lacks in emotion, though, she more than makes up for in weaponry skills. I've seen her pop someone in the head from over a kio out. It took a few shots, but she got him." Stalgrax looked away from the container and glanced at Rovaius for a couple seconds before turning back to me. "Rovaius says you think he's pretty smart." "You all are," I assured him. "Otherwise, you'd be caught or dead." "It doesn't take a lot of knowledge to avoid those fates, just a quick and steady hand. The inept look at the intelligent with awe, never aware their idols are mostly sophomoric imbeciles. We aren't scholars, Adrinor, but we remain active and alive because we have something most scholars lack - common sense." I laughed softly and Stalgrax grinned at me. "I'll see you when we reach Zakaz in a couple hours." The Nohtalian walked off and I watched Rovaius stare out at the endless water for a few minutes. The sea gate to Zakaz was in the distance, but I had a feeling that Rovaius had more on his mind than waves. I had done enough questioning for one morning though, so I reclined in my seat and waited for the trip to end. I drifted off to sleep after some time, because Rovaius had to shake me awake when we arrived at Zakaz's eastern port. I groggily opened my eyes and got to my feet, scooping up my laser rifle. I quickly disembarked the ship, taking in the beauty of Zakaz. Unlike the polluted land of Xia, Zakaz sat beneath a bright sky, filled with shimmering skyscrapers. Suspended high above the streets, a long track wrapped its way around the buildings, connected to the ground by metallic supports here and there. "Quite the city, huh?" Rovaius asked. "It's incredible," I whispered. "Does all of Zakaz look like this?" "Mostly," Rovaius replied. "This is only one city though. It's called Tyderian. You'll be able to see most of the island from the train platform before we board." My fellow piraka stepped off the ship, waiting for their next orders. I wanted to stare at Tyderian a bit longer, but I knew we had business to attend to. Rovaius led us up the street, past the numerous Skakdi heading about their day. I had only met a couple Skakdi in my life, but that permanent grin was so unnerving. Trying to avoid any direct eye contact, I continued following Rovaius. The streets were much busier than on Xia, but I believe that had something to do with the toxic air in the Vortixx homeland. Rovaius rounded a corner and walked up to a transparent set of doors. I glanced up at a large sign above the door reading "Tyderian Station." "I'll let Elendra take this one," Rovaius said, pushing the doors open and stepping inside. The station's main lobby was a massive chamber, with a grand chandelier on the ceiling and a fountain on each end of the room. Six elevators transported biomechs up to the platform far above and the transparent glass casings allowed for a great view of the city. Skakdi were seated on the many benches throughout the room, but once Elendra took the lead, I could see our destination was a small door straight ahead. Just above the door was a wide screen listing arrivals and departures of magnet trains to the station. Elendra took us into the smaller room, containing a counter on the other end and a few small posters on the walls about magnet train safety protocol. Trylac closed the door behind us and Elendra walked toward the counter, suddenly halting and glancing over her shoulder at me. "Come here, Adrinor," she ordered. I marched to her side and we reached the counter together. A teal-armored Skakdi walked up to the desk from a room I couldn't see, his bright orange eyes watching Elendra carefully. All Skakdi have a lasting grin plastered on their faces, but this one lost as much of his smile as he could around the time Elendra found one. I looked at the Trelban and suspected I was brought forward for a performance. "Hello," Elendra cooed. Her voice was impossibly kind and gentle. That would have been a comforting voice from anyone else, but it didn't match Elendra by any means. The Skakdi's eyes darted to me for a moment and I wondered if he was put off by her tone as well. The warm side of Elendra that I knew existed beneath her cold exterior had surfaced, only to be used like a puppet. "Good morning," the Skakdi stammered, gripping the edges of the counter as though his life depended upon it. He had to sense something wasn't right. "Where are you headed?" Elendra gave a soft giggle, reaching out to the Skakdi and lightly placing her hand atop his. At this point, I almost thought the Skakdi's hands were about to tear into the countertop. She held her smile at him, hiding a sinister agenda. "I'm headed for the Ephemeral Wonder…and I'll need five tickets." The Skakdi laughed nervously, removing his hands from the counter and clicking something on the other side. It clicked five times and the Skakdi placed five tickets onto the counter. The tickets were thin and square, transparent for the most part. Only "Ephemeral Wonder" stood out in golden letters in the center of each ticket. He calculated the total cost on his holographic monitor, awkwardly grinning at Elendra. "I'm not sure if you know, but the word 'ephemeral' actually means briefly, or momentarily." He finished the sentence, looked at his screen for a split second, and had one of Elendra's energy revolvers pointed at his head by the time he gazed up. I turned to Elendra in silent astonishment, wondering if she had less restraint about these matters than Rovaius. I wouldn't have been surprised if she shot him right there and that's why I was honestly terrified for the Skakdi. He and I just stared at the revolver, uncertain of Elendra's next move. "Then let me clear that up for you," Elendra said in her disturbingly sweet voice. "I know what it means. Ephemeral means fleeting," she whispered, cocking the weapon's hammer, "much like life. Would you say that life is fleeting?" The Skakdi nodded slowly and Elendra mirrored him, smiling into his fear-stricken eyes. "Yes," she whispered, "life is fleeting. You have one chance, one opportunity to live." She clicked the hammer back and forth a couple times, appearing to take an odd pleasure in watching the Skakdi panic. "Grab the tickets, we're leaving." Her voice had returned to normal and I felt slightly relieved. I snatched the tickets from the desk, taking a few steps backward to see what Elendra might do next. She lowered the revolver and turned away, giving a short nod to Rovaius. "We have a train to catch, so let's move." She glanced back over her shoulder for a moment. "I'd recommend you keep quiet about all this, understood?" The Skakdi forced an awkward smile. "Yeah…I won't say a word." I handed a ticket to Rovaius and Stalgrax, catching Elendra spin back around out of the corner of my eye. I looked back in time to see her line up a perfect shot, pull the trigger, and then I heard the Skakdi scream. I stared at the biomech for a few seconds, finally realizing the Skakdi hadn't fallen to the floor, nor did he appear injured in any way. Elendra pulled out the cylinder, revealing it was empty. "I know you won't, because if I find out otherwise, I'll be coming back with a loaded revolver. And it won't be until the sixth shot that I kill you." Trylac carefully pulled a ticket from my hand and I nearly jumped. He smirked at me, shaking his head. "You're nervous. That'll go away eventually." Rovaius took the lead back to the elevators and I rode up with him. Trylac, Stalgrax and Elendra decided to take the capsule next to us. We shot up through the station and I peered out at Tyderian in amazement. I squinted against the intensity of the sunlight as I examined the skyscrapers. We hadn't even reached the platform and I could already see everything. The port was in sight, the magnet rail system could be seen wrapping its way out to a neighboring city, and the Skakdi all looked so small. From the street level, Tyderian's towering architecture also managed to block sight of a massive lake situated in the center of Zakaz, surrounded by greenery all around its borders. "That's Lake Keliwa," Rovaius muttered, as if anticipating my next question. "I heard Ehlek was discussing a plan to build something under the water, but the Skakdi wouldn't have it. You'd have to travel a great distance to find cleaner water than what's in Keliwa and I think Ehlek figured that out too. He eventually made the area an aquatic preserve - likely influenced by his underwater background. "If you ever get tired of stealing, you'd make an excellent tour guide," I teased. Rovaius chuckled. "Tired of stealing…there's a joke. Does a Kinloka tire of eating?" I cracked a smile. "I'm in for a big day. I can feel it." "So can I," Rovaius replied, watching the elevator doors sweep open. We walked onto the platform right when our fellow thieves arrived, but Rovaius spent no time waiting around for them. He marched across the platform to where the train would be arriving, staring out at the city. I glanced down the extensive platform, seeing a lot of Skakdi casually waiting for the train to pull in. Down toward the end of the platform, however, I could see several armed Skakdi guarding a crate. The size of the crate suggested it wouldn't require as much security as it was receiving, but I also knew why we were here. There was a strong chance Ehlek's prototype weapon was sealed inside that crate, but I needed a second opinion. I cautiously approached the Nohtalian, staring out at the city with him. "Rovaius"- "That's the one," Rovaius interrupted, sitting on a bench and propping his feet onto the far end. "You're rather obvious when you stare." "Maybe to you," I muttered. "I doubt the guards noticed anything." "They didn't," Rovaius replied, placing his hands behind his head. "Nine guards seems a little sparse though. The rest are probably headed here on the train." Stalgrax grinned. "I'm calling first shot. I haven't tested any prototypes in a while." "The magnet train will be arriving shortly," an automated computer informed us through several loudspeakers. "Please stay behind the white line while the train is in motion." I glanced near the edge of the platform and found the line. Beyond the platform, a thin, chrome rail was wrapped in a bluish substance that appeared to be constantly shifting around itself. The magnetic power that ran the trains was surprisingly visible and I recall being slightly curious about what would happen if a biomech touched it. I visually followed the rail path out into the city, and watched as a silver tube of metal darted around a skyscraper. More tubes were connected behind it and all the tubes were hovering just over the rails. This was our train. I could also see thin streaks of emerald painted onto the sides of the train cars. The train had been moving rather quickly when I first caught sight of it, but it gradually slowed to a halt as it approached the station. "Warning!" the loudspeakers blared. "The Ephemeral Wonder is about to reach Tyderian Station. Please allow passengers to disembark and wait for further instruction from the conductor before boarding." The train pulled up to the station and I watched Skakdi after Skakdi step onto the platform and head for the elevators. Some opted for a stairwell I hadn't noticed in the lobby below, but I also started to wonder who was desperate enough to take that many flights of stairs as opposed to waiting for an elevator. Assuming some Skakdi liked exercise more than others, I watched an orange Skakdi with a badge connected to his left shoulder walk out from a nearby car and look in both directions of the station before putting a device to his mouth. "Good morning, everyone," he said, his voice being sent through the loudspeaker system. "We will now begin boarding the Ephemeral Wonder. Please have your tickets ready when you board and a staff member will have it punched. Thank you." I stepped up to the train, spotting a small opening between the platform and the train itself. I stared down into the break, seeing how shockingly far it was to the pavement. I didn't have a fear of heights, I was more mesmerized than anything else. Trylac was at my side and gave me an awkward grin. "Mind the gap, Adrinor." We boarded the train and had our tickets punched, quickly finding a seat back near the first freight car. I sat by the window next to Stalgrax, while Trylac and Elendra sat across from us. I stared out the window, thinking about how busy Tyderian was beneath me, thinking about our intentions for the day. "Is he coming?" Elendra asked Stalgrax. Stalgrax poked his head into the aisle and nodded. "Yeah, the engineer hasn't shut the doors yet. He's just talking with the conductor. They're laughing about something." "Rovaius almost has more ways to make someone laugh than ways to kill someone," Trylac muttered. "Almost," Elendra emphasized with a smirk. A dark gray Skakdi came our way, doing his best to look enthused. The permanent grin certainly helped his effort. "Can I get you four anything?" "We're fine," Elendra replied shortly. "Actually, I'll have a reactor, if you serve them," Stalgrax piped up. "We do," the Skakdi said, matter-of-factly. "I'll bring you one as soon as we leave the station." Stalgrax smirked. "Fantastic," he said, handing over a few silvery coins to the Skakdi. Rovaius joined us shortly afterwards, squeezing in next to Trylac and Elendra. "What'd I miss?" Rovaius asked, taking in a deep breath. He'd never looked so happy. "Stalgrax ordered a reactor in the middle of the morning. That's about it," Elendra said. "I've been awake longer than the sun's been up, Elendra," Stalgrax growled. "I'll order what I like." Rovaius looked like he was about to interject, but he paused instead. Several troopers marched out from the freight car behind us, coming into my line of sight as they headed near the front of the train. They weren't the Skakdi I had seen on the platform, these were something else entirely. Rovaius lightly tapped his fist against the table, letting his smile fade. "Well, this just got interesting." "Not that we shouldn't have seen it coming," Trylac replied. "Ehlek would be more comfortable hiring amphibian guards than leaving the entire operation in the hands of a few foolish Skakdi." I looked one of the amphibians over, impressed by his glossy, teal and gunmetal armor. The top of his face was concealed by an onyx helmet, but I caught a glimpse of his mouth, lined with sharp teeth and surrounded by green, scaly features. All the guards were tall, lean figures, carrying energy rifles on their backs. There was no way they knew we were coming, but they looked prepared for any mishaps all the same. "Where are they from?" I whispered. "Not sure, really," Rovaius muttered, tapping his chin a few times. "I've only met a couple before and the basic story is that their kind exist in underwater caverns all over the place. Sometimes they come and live on the surface of whatever landmass they're near to, but I don't think they have a single place of origin. I'm not even sure what they refer to themselves as." "If air-breathers like us even have the ability to pronounce such a word," Stalgrax said, leaning back against his seat. "Good morning and welcome aboard the Ephemeral Wonder," the conductor boomed over the train speakers. "We are running right on schedule and we're about to depart for Oandek City. If you're at all curious about the presence of several armed biomechs onboard the train this morning, they mean you no harm, and will be getting off in a few stops. They are in no way affiliated with any security measures our company intends to implement. With that said, the engineer will be sealing each car and you will need to manually open a door to go from car to car after that point. Once again, welcome aboard the Ephemeral Wonder. We thank you for choosing Zakaz Magnet Rails for your transportation services morning." The train car doors slammed shut and I could see from the window that we were beginning to move. Finally, the magnetic system beneath us created a low sound that lasted a few seconds before we started picking up speed. We were on our way. "Elendra's track record for the day has been spotless, so she'll take Adrinor back to get the weapon from the guards. I'll chat with the conductor if he gets suspicious, Stalgrax has a drink coming, and Trylac, well, he'll make himself useful when we've got the weapon." The dark gray Skakdi returned promptly after Rovaius finished, this time with a small glass in his hand. He turned it over to Stalgrax and gave a short nod. "Your reactor. Can I get you anything else?" Stalgrax held up the glass, swishing the bright purple liquid around for a moment. He then looked back at the Skakdi. "Thank you. That'll be all." The Skakdi walked back toward the front of the train, closing the door to our car behind him. Stalgrax sipped a bit of his drink and took in a quick breath. "You okay?" I asked. Stalgrax took another sip and smirked. "I haven't had one of these in a while and that Skakdi made it pretty strong. I like that. You want a taste?" "Sure," I responded hesitantly, taking the glass. I drank a bit more than Stalgrax and choked it back out immediately, coughing all over the floor. I handed it back to him and could still taste it lingering in my mouth. "It tastes how a spent laser shell smells!" Stalgrax smiled. "That's one opinion," he said, taking another sip. Elendra pulled me from my chair and tugged me into the aisle. "Let's get to work, shall we?" The Trelban strolled back to the doorway leading to the first freight car and laughed at the "No Passengers Allowed Beyond This Point" sign. She slid the door open and mumbled, "Don't hold biomechs to a merit system when a lock works even better." Elendra darted inside the freight car, ducking behind a crate as I followed her. She drew her revolver and quickly loaded it up, doing the same with a second revolver. She placed the second weapon back in the armor along her upper left leg and pointed the other in my direction. "Laser rifles have a loud charge. Don't load your weapon until I say so," she whispered. "Got it," I replied, pulling my rifle from my back and keeping it ready. Elendra glanced out from our cover, checking for any sign of guards. She climbed over the crate and bolted forward, dashing all the way to the next door. Elendra took a couple seconds to peer inside the next's doorway's window and glanced back at me. "We're about a dozen cars from the tail end. The guards seem to be clustered in the back four. Our weapon is probably somewhere in that general area. You need to watch from behind us, in case any of those guards from earlier start heading our way." I turned around, seeing no sign of any guards. We were alone with the cargo, and as Elendra slid the next door open, I realized we had a long way to go. Ducking between crates and large machinery, we snuck our way further back along the cars, until Elendra halted our progress. I barely had a chance to look through the next window, but Elendra's initial examination had been correct - the last four cars were swarming with guards. "What are we going to do?" I asked, trying not to sound frantic. "What do you think?" Elendra hissed, holding her revolver close to her body. "Load your rifle." I followed her instruction and dropped a laser shell into the rifle, clicking the bolt handle into place and listening to the charge gain power. "Ready when you are." "Okay," Elendra whispered, "when I open the door, try to kill or at least hit one of the guards. I'll take it from there. Your job after the first shot will be to watch from behind and make sure we aren't surrounded." I responded with a short nod, watching her reach for the door handle. I stepped around her, placing my eye behind the scope and ready to fire. "Here we go," Elendra muttered, pulling the door wide open. Through my scope, I watched several of the guards (Skakdi and amphibians) turn in surprise as I held the rifle in their direction. They went to point their weapons at me, but I was already at an advantage. I fired, blasting a Skakdi through the upper right arm, severing its connection to his spine. He screamed out, gripping his arm in agony. I took the opportunity and dove for cover, watching as Elendra rolled out from the other side of the door, blasting away at the guards. She quickly pulled for her second revolver and rapidly unloaded it on the guards. I couldn't see where the rounds were going, but I heard something heavy drop with each shot. She was clearly aiming for heads or heartlights. "Move in," she said, reloading her revolvers. I cautiously stepped into the next car, quickly discovering she had gone for the headshot route. One of the Skakdi was trying to get to his feet, but Elendra wasted no time shooting him through the heartlight. "Reload your rifle, Adrinor. We're using the same tactic in the next room." I let the spent laser shell drop to the floor and loaded in a new one, aiming down the scope once again. Elendra pulled the door open and I fired, managing to shoot an amphibian through the left leg this time. I leapt off to the side and Elendra went to work again, executing each guard without hesitation. She retreated back behind the door, though, reloading her revolvers as footsteps marched toward our position. "Stall them!" she yelled at me. I reloaded my laser rifle and blindfired into the next car, well aware it wasn't charged long enough to do any critical damage. I heard one of the amphibians cry out, but I couldn't be sure where I hit him. Elendra had already reloaded and got a few more shots off. A body was still dropping with every energy bullet fired, but she looked worried. "How many are left!?" I hollered, reloading my laser rifle in the process. I hadn't performed any kill shots, but Trylac's words about the first kill echoed through my mind. I couldn't help but think about the guard in Marilea, though the more I did, the sicker I felt. I tried to focus on my weapon, to keep my mind on the tool rather than the end result. "Not sure," Elendra said. "I could see them coming up from the last car, but they're not coming any closer than that. Our weapon has to be in there somewhere." She dropped out of cover and fired on the guards again, draining both revolvers. "Another car cleared." We moved up to the next car and Elendra grabbed one of the rifles. "Plasma rifle…that'll come in handy," she muttered. I watched as a burst of white-hot plasma came flying through from the car ahead and we both ducked. I looked over my shoulder to see what it would strike, finally letting a bit of panic set in once I did. More guards were coming our way from the front of the train. "We've got company!" I shouted, pulling Elendra out of the aisle. She pushed me away, running for the next door and pulling it open. A couple plasma shots from behind nearly took her arm off, but she was undeterred. My laser rifle was sustaining a strong charge by this point and I went to fire behind us, but I could already hear them shooting in the other direction. Rather than worry about that, I fired my weapon into the next room, shooting a Skakdi in the torso and knocking him to the floor. Elendra followed up by firing her revolvers as fast as she could, getting a kill with every round. Someone tapped my shoulder from behind, and I reacted by swinging around with a punch. The biomech grabbed my fist and held it steady. It was Stalgrax. "I thought you two could use some help. Looks like I was right," he said. "We had it under control," Elendra spat, walking to the next car. Stalgrax pulled me to my feet by my fist and let it go. We followed Elendra and watched her kick open the crate I remembered from the platform. "Another mission well done," she said. "It's not over yet," Stalgrax replied, stepping up to the crate and pulling a rather large weapon out. "We still need to get off the train." Stalgrax examined the Hyper Burst Cannon, admiring the sleek, snowflake white and dark gray weapon. A traveler at the ranch once showed me an empty launcher that could fire explosive rockets out of its tube. This weapon was similar, only the tube was wider. "Let's go show this to Rovaius and Trylac. If they aren't too busy up there." We ran back to the passenger cars, finding a scene of absolute chaos. Stalgrax must've attracted the attention of the guards when he came back to find Elendra and myself, because Rovaius and Trylac were dropped behind cover in a shootout with several of them. The amphibian guards aimed their weapons when they saw us arriving, but they were outmatched. Elendra emptied her clip in a flash, pulling off a sequence of six headshots. As she pulled the weapon toward her face, she popped open the cylinder and let the empty shells drop to the floor. Elendra immediately removed a metallic strip beneath the armor on her forearm. Six bullets were connected to the strip, which she rapidly placed into the revolver's cylinder, two at a time. The strip fell to the floor, and before I knew what was happening, Elendra was executing the remaining guards. The passengers were in a panic at this point and my first instinct was to tell them to remain calm. I was still thinking like a ranch hand. I loaded and charged my laser rifle, causing the end of the barrel to begin producing a crimson glow as it drew in ambient energy. I felt a hand on my shoulder and almost shuddered when I looked back to see Trylac smirking (or what I thought was smirking) down at me. "I'll show you how it's done," he assured. Trylac's mandibles separated outward and he took in a deep breath. After that, he began to emit a sound. I had heard that Toa aligned with the sonic element could released amplified blasts of sound energy and create sonic pulse waves to disrupt their enemies. Trylac's sound was nothing like that. Simply put, it was similar to a nightmarish chorus. I seemed to be hearing multiple voices in perfect harmony with one another, wailing out a slow song of anguish and fear. The voices sounded almost sweet, but it was absolutely terrifying. Rovaius was a clever biomech and he must have been smart enough to subject the gang to Trylac's haunting sounds until they were unfazed by them. It seemed to be the only logical explanation, given that every passenger appeared to be experiencing the same overwhelming sense of dread that was filling my mind while the gang went about their work. Rovaius glanced out one of the right windows and nodded, turning to Stalgrax. "I see you found our new toy," Rovaius grinned. "Show us what it can do." Stalgrax smashed the window with the butt of his gun and held the prototype weapon out the broken glass. Trylac was still at it, but I had enough focus to follow Stalgrax's aim. He was targeting the magnetic track just beyond an upcoming curve. The sound finally faded away and I could only look on as Stalgrax charged up the Hyper Burst Cannon and prepared to fire. The weapon produced a loud, quickly rising hum as it drew in more and more power, and Stalgrax clearly wanted to be sure he would completely annihilate the portion of track in his sights. "Attention passengers, if you look out the right side of the train you will see…" Stalgrax muttered, wavering only a second or two before firing, "your death." A white laser beam bolted through the air, striking the magnetic tracks and demolishing the pillars that were keeping them aloft. Stalgrax's eyes went wide and he brought the cannon back inside. "Beautiful…" The passengers screamed, gripping seats, walls, and anything they thought might save them from being thrown to a violent death when we inevitably crashed. The energies that struck the rails caused something in the magnetic field to shift and I could tell we were picking up speed. Stalgrax turned the cannon over to Rovaius, still marveling at its power. Rovaius smiled at me. "It's been a while since we derailed a train and it's always more interesting from the inside." My mouth dropped open in shock. "We're staying!?" Stalgrax laughed. "You sound like you've never survived a train crash before. The passengers have it wrong. You're going to want to keep your body at whatever angle the train switches to after we fly off the rails. If you try and hang on like them, you're probably going to die." By the time I looked out the right side windows, I realized it was too late. I was looking at inland Zakaz. The front of the train dipped down and I could hear the cars screeching and grinding against the metal frame of the railing as we plunged out of the air. Rovaius and the others started sliding down the aisle, staying on their feet the whole way. The passengers held on for their lives and I looked over my shoulder at the car behind us. In that moment, the back door snapped off and I watched as the disrupted magnetic field fiercely pushed us away. Separated from the upper portion of the train, I could see the remaining cars hanging over the ruined ledge. I went into a freefall as the train above became further and further away, the sound of countless screams filling the air. We hit the water a few seconds after, causing our train cars to violently snap sideways before plunging into the sea. I had no sense of direction as I continued to drop, watching passengers go flying in every direction. Rovaius and the others were nowhere in sight and I was fairly confident I was about to die. Review

An ECC critic is held to the deadline of their local timezone, not the timezone of the requester. As of this posting, Velox has a little under 38 hours before his assignment will be considered late.-Ced

I've always pictured them in my mind as the movie-type characters. Except the Rahkshi. My mind gives them Rahaga heads with angry slugs inside. -Ced

Contests & Polls, Artwork, Games & More, BS01, and CoT.-Ced

I have about a dozen epics under my belt, and I'll admit that two were never finished. One was a side story to a main epic that I wasn't interested in seeing through, and the other was the fifth in a series that I was just tired of continuing. I've seen criticism kill a lot of work though, and I couldn't agree more with this blog post. We need a way to pin this as a topic at the top of the epics forum... -Ced

I hadn't realized that the write-offs were going to be exclusively Skype. Reading it over, I see that you're right, it does say that. Personally I am up against the same problem as you. I would think we could do that here. I'll talk to Velox about it. Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith It was my understanding that Velox is more than happy to liaison the AIM crowd during our write offs. In the event that he is not available during a write off, however, and it's being handled by 55555 or myself, the AIM users may need to designate a separate liaison if they wish to participate that night.-Ced

Correct me if I’m wrong. Adrinor is separated from this scene by a wall and only knows what’s going on because of his sense of hearing. So how does he know an object is being hurled?It's more of a guess. Informed by the next sentence, "Whatever it was, it barely made a sound when it landed on the floor." This is more of a question, but is sarcasm the right word here?Maybe. So far, Adrinor’s been pretty unsure of himself. This line of his just kinda jumped out as a bit forward of him.Episode 02 The first line in this chapter stated that Adrinor spent his first day with the company in silence, and I got the feeling it was his uncertainty contributing to his silence. Then his first line of conversation with them that day was laughter?Uncertainty, awkwardness. Once evening came and the ride was over, it was time to break the ice. Beautiful description, right there, amongst others, but my problem with that is that your story is written in first person, and that particular line was like a step out of first person for a minute. You know, with Adrinor asleep and everything, how can he know the serenity of the chirping insects and midnight ambience?Sometimes sound carries over into sleep. Happens to me sometimes. ‘Placing’ something in someone’s general direction while riding a Kikanalo sounds funny, IMO. I pictured it more as ‘Holding it out in my general direction’. Again, just a question, albeit a bit skeptical, but are grins really considered gesture?I would say so. I don’t like that he ‘demanded’ this. I can’t pinpoint why, but I just don’t like it. Feel free to ignore this nitpick. Again, up til this point in the robbery, Adrinor’s been pretty unsure of himself, having major qualms. To come out of nowhere and crush an already destroyed shoulder of a perfectly innocent Matoran (much like his boss, Torema) was again, a bit forwards of him. ‘but I was about to find out’ , interrupted the flow for me, weird jump from past tense to future-esque. ^^ Same as above. Oops, I lied. One technical hiccup there.That’s all I got for nitpicking. If it were anyone else, I’d worry about having too many nitpicks and coming off as a butt. But it’s technically why you hired me so I’ll just leave them be ; )I’m actually sitting here with a small booklet of printouts on my lapdesk, and according to my notes that I jotted down while reading like an elitist critic, there actually wasn’t much to criticize.I think you’ve heard this whole spiel from me before, commending your expanded universe and custom species and locations, etc, etc. Just reiterating. Also, I feel like Kikanalo riding for a day would make me too sore to move *shudder*One thing that I did want to comment on was the bank robbery. The whole thing was set up very nicely, and the fact that you opened it with a quiet “Hand me the money and nobody needs to know,” made it stand out to me. But then it turned into a huge ruckus like the bank robberies Hollywood likes to depict. That part was well done too, but I just liked the subtle robbery better. I’m having a bit of trouble seeing why you bothered to set up a quiet robbery just to go through with the rough and rowdy though.Cenotaphs was inspired by western films. The bank robbery "Hollywood likes to depict" was something I really wanted to do. As a plus, though, the ‘clear display of Pridak’s ego’, as you put it, was displayed very clearly, if I may. With his tower and banner and everything, it was all very good characterization. I definitely like how you’re filling in some of the blanks during the League Era with this epic. I never realized the League of Six Kingdoms was in power for so long. With the warlords being so dominant, I would picture the universe a bit more chaotic, although that may just be me.Anyways, Adrinor’s character at this point is a bit vague to me, but I get the feeling that’s how it’s supposed to be, seeing how far ahead you’ve planned this story. So I’ll look forwards to seeing him develop, along with the rest of your cast.I think I’ve touched on everything that I set out for, finally. So keep up the good work, and I’ll try not to fall too far behind your updates Thanks for the review, Aderia. I wanted to touch on a few things you brought up (as written in blue above), and I apparently have a few things that need to be edited as well. Issues aside, I'll assume your generally positive commentary means you're enjoying the ride so far. -Ced

A Review by Zaxvo, welcome. -Ced

I was feeling similar to Hahli Historian's view on Evior with this chapter, but after I went back to read the chapter a second time (since you mentioned working on character development), I changed my mind. I'm sure I'm reading into things again here, but Evior continually refers to Inéha as "angel." Angels are often regarded as messengers, delivering words of significance in place of something more powerful than themselves. In this case, it would almost seem there's an underlying importance to Inéha's role as an unwitting messenger for the Great Spirit to inform Evior that there is so much more to life than perfection. She wished to open his eyes to that reality and it certainly seems to be working. Anyway, that's just my take on it. I'm probably way out in left field with that, but I love to analyze little symbolisms that seem to stand out when I read something.Only stumbled upon one error. Other than that, no problems in sight. Keep it up, Aderia. -Ced

@Ballom - Fixed up that sentence. And yes, with so much of Cenotaphs being inspired by a lot of westerns (new and old), I really wanted to do a train robbery. This will turn out a bit differently, but I think you'll like it.@Makuta'sdarkslave - Thank you so much. As much as the very critical reviews serve to improve upon my work, I'm always welcome to an entirely positive reaction like yours.-Ced

I would say we have a fair mix of new and experienced writers posting work across all sectors of the Library.-Ced

Pretty much anyone I know is aware I've had a thing for Bionicle for a long time (I did a large explanatory essay about Bionicle in 10th grade and I often read the books back in high school). I don't discuss my online life with a number of friends, however, so BZP doesn't usually come up with most of my friends in real life. I would say at least 20 friends don't know about my frequency and contributions here on BZPower though.-Ced

Hello, Knock Out, here is your official SSCC review. Man, what a rough assignment…I hate rough assignments. And yet, it always means I loved the work. You can't tear apart something you love, it's difficult! And no grammar or spelling errors of note. You're a dynamo, I'll give you that.After reflecting on it, I can't help but think of the movie Inception a little bit. The power of an idea placed into someone's mind can be incredible. In this case, the final aspiration of the League of Six Kingdoms being carried on by Teridax completely ravages a universe. However, can we fault Teridax entirely for finding fault in Mata Nui? The Barraki reigned for thousands of years, millennia of conquest and destruction and demands for Teridax to bolster their armies with monsters and mounts. As you said, years marked by the disruption of "the natural order" and harming innocents. And then one day, Teridax believes he is better fit to serve in place of a god-like figure like the Great Spirit. There's a religious undertone there, in parallel to how even acts of darkness and evil invariably have a destiny to carry out. It takes a special something to have a voice that ignites the passion of those around you, and Teridax does indeed unite many of his kindred.Here's where things really separate though. The Matoran see the virtues as selfless ideals to live by. Teridax on the other hand manages to warp the duty of the Brotherhood in his mind for a more self-serving belief. In contrast to the steadfast loyalty Miserix had for Mata Nui, Teridax seems less swayed by such…dogma, I suppose you could call it. Your portrayal of Teridax and his revelation is very much aligned with the character we've come to know over the years, and I wanted to mention how well you captured that essence. It was like capturing antidermis in a container. Oh wait, Teridax wasn't pure energy yet when he first concocted the plan. Oh well, I'm not retracting my bad joke. Your Teridax is entirely believable as a canon existence, as previous replies stated. This was such a treat to read and I want to reiterate that I loved this assignment for being so difficult. It was a welcome challenge. Keep up the excellent work.-Ced

Turning Point by Knock Out has been reviewed. You're right, it is a bit short. But it's certainly OK to get reviewed. I'll have Yukiko handle this one. Thank you for choosing the SSCC. -Ced Notice to all SSCC Critics We will be amending the rules soon to include a notice regarding an extension.Extension Requests: A critic may request an extension on an assignment no later than 96 hours (4 days to the hour) from the initial assigning. A critic may not request an extension two assignments in a row. If you are going to be late on an assignment, it is your responsibility to contact one of the curators. Failure to notify one of the curators and request an extension within the 96 hour period will result in receiving a strike.

I'd have to go with Miserix. He always had the power to overthrow Mata Nui himself, but handled his position with dignity and respected the Great Spirit.-Ced