Cederak

Nascent <<<Syndrome>>> "Thank you for coming, Dr. Skyvir," one of the Great Beings greeted their guest, motioning her to take a seat at their table. She was a lithe biomech, clad in armor of frost and obsidian. Skyvir sat down. Having visited a number of their starships many times in the past, she was quite comfortable with the environment. She unlocked her briefcase, and placed several holographic notes on the table, watching the surface integrate the data and display the information as a three dimensional hologram. "Thank you for inviting me back," Skyvir replied. "As you can see from this hologram, my scientific research team has compiled vast amounts of information about your biology. Through the dissection and study of those Great Beings who have perished on our planet, I have theorized we can develop an agent to neutralize the virus that invades your systems." The Great Beings glanced uncomfortably at one another, muttering back and forth until one of them stepped forward to speak. "We have studied your world of Circumstance for quite some time now and we are convinced we have learned a sufficient amount. The rarity of a world that supports sentient life is not wasted on us, but it is clear your biomechanical society is on the track to achieve wondrous things. On behalf of my brothers and sisters, we are grateful for your discovery of the atmospheric virus that causes our kind to fall ill and slowly perish. It put us at ease to learn a seemingly invisible killer was merely microscopic." "Yes…right," Skyvir said. "If there's any way you could provide me with your own knowledge regarding microbial viruses, Circumstance could surely make bounds in the medical science field. With the proper resources, and time, there's no doubt"-"Stop there, Doctor," the Great Being interrupted. "As I tried to explain a moment ago, we are convinced we have learned a sufficient amount about your civilization and Circumstance as a whole. We are ready to depart…tomorrow." "Tomorrow!?" Skyvir replied in shock. "Too many Great Beings died due to the atmospheric dangers our world presents to your kind! Should those losses have been for nothing?" "Calm yourself, Doctor," the Great Being said softly. "We have mourned the fallen and knew the dangers this cosmos would promise when we first took to the stars. In time, long from now, we may return to Circumstance. If biomechs come to tell us they have developed something that allows us to safely breathe the fresh air, we can only hope it was you that made our protection possible." Skyvir removed her holographic notes from the table and the three dimensional holograms faded out of sight. Packing her briefcase, she clicked the locks into place and politely stood up. "I assure you, I will find a way to make that dream a reality. And wherever you journey next, I wish you safe passage." "Your genuine kindness warms my heartlight, Doctor," one of the Great Beings said, smiling. "To assist your efforts, I wish for you to keep the remaining deceased brothers and sisters we have locked in stasis since their death. These are shells of the spirits we once knew happiness with and we have no use for empty vessels." "Thank you," Skyvir replied, pushing in her chair. "Good luck." <<<Proposal>>> Doctor Skyvir squinted into her microscope's eyepiece, studying the immeasurably tiny life forms on the slide tray, momentarily refocusing the lens. Sixty two cycles had passed since the Great Beings departed Circumstance, leaving Skyvir to fulfill her vow of making her home world safe for their kind. She had grown close to the Great Beings during their stay, being the first scientist to become interested enough in their deaths to speak with them on the matter and actively begin researching methods of preventing further losses. The alien entities from the stars told her society that their creations called them the Great Beings, imbued with untold powers and capable of marvelous feats. After they displayed their ability to create life where none had been before, the title was adopted by Circumstance biomechs as an appropriate name (replacing the former label of "the aliens").The laboratory doorway flew open and Skyvir instinctively glanced up, somewhat taken aback by the unknown visitor. "Excuse me, but this is a private facility. Do you have clearance to this room?" The biomech frowned, his black and gray armor glowing from the fluorescent lights above. "I was sent here on behalf of the Federation government. I have notified the facility staff that they are being let go and that the funding for Project Sky Shield has been effectively cut." Skyvir felt her mouth hanging open and suddenly became furious. "You can't cut the funding to this project, whoever you are! We're working on finding a way to make Circumstance safe for the Great Beings and you want to throw cycles of research out the window now? We're so close!" "I didn't personally cut the funding, ma'am," he replied, "but most project assets were reappropriated this morning and the federal budget intends to allocate the funds to other, more pressing matters. You know better than anyone, Doctor, that the Great Beings didn't intend to return any time in the next centicycle and we still have a society to care for. Pardon my bluntness, but it's highly unlikely you or I will be alive when the Great Beings return to Circumstance." "That doesn't mean their safety on our world isn't our problem. I can see there will be no arguing my case with you, though. The Federation has made their decision." "You do have the option to appeal the Federation's decision through a legal procession, though I can't promise any action will be taken in a timely fashion. I recommend you take your case before a Federation Elite. They often work outside Federation law and make decisions on matters that our government's…bureaucratic, legal system would take much longer to address." "I've placed too much of my life into this project," Skyvir said, fuming. "I just need more time." <<<>>> Skyvir stood before a grand window at the hub of the world, studying the vast cities below. Beneath the thin veil of emerald and cobalt clouds, vehicles soared through the lower atmosphere and biomechs went about their day. They had little to no concern for what Skyvir was fighting for, and even her scientific team had taken new positions elsewhere. She knew the odds of getting everything she wanted were slim, but she had to try. Unlike the biomechs in the city streets, unlike the scientists that had assisted her for over six decacycles, it was Skyvir alone that vowed to protect the Great Beings from the harmful atmosphere of the world. She had traveled that morning to the Federation's capitol building, Verve Tower, to petition an Elite for the rights to her research property and the return of her project's funds. She tightened her grip on her briefcase and departed the window, boldly walking off to Elite Arcander's chamber. She flashed her visitor pass to the identity verification screen on the wall and the doors slid open. The Elite sat at his desk, with a biomech standing at a podium before him. On both sides of the room, other biomechs were seated, waiting for their case to be heard. Skyvir's case wasn't due to be taken for a few minutes, but being late to a meeting with an Elite was unacceptable. She took a seat near a gunmetal and silver biomech, who smiled at her more with his bright green eyes than his lips. Arcander was an imposing figure even seated, his black and gold armor pitted and scarred from battle. Elites were required to be office workers now and again, most often assigned to hear cases from Verve Tower, but they were soldiers at heart, quelling small insurrections against the Federation or putting down renegades that were a thorn in the government's side. The biomech at the podium handed him several papers to look over and it was apparent to everyone in the room that Arcander would've preferred to be anywhere else. He scanned the documents and set them aside, waiting for the biomech to finish up. "As you can see, we need a larger police force in the cities to prevent these petty crimes. I recognize that Elites such as yourself and presently existing police units handle more large-scale issues, but if the federal budget could allow to bring in more patrolling biomechs, I know the crime rates would be reduced globally." Arcander sighed. "We don't have funds to hire larger police forces right now, sir. I'm not blind or deaf to the widespread petty crimes that occur in cities across the Federation, but we do have larger problems to tackle. The Federation will review this case again in several months, during which time I think it would be wise to investigate the possibility of making it a law that civilians be properly armed to prevent these kind of crimes and attacks." "Are you kidding me?" the biomech said in shock. "You want to demand biomechs go out and buy a laser blaster just because your budget won't accommodate a few more officers to keep them safe!" Arcander shot him a glare. "Sir, I was merely suggesting that a society that knows how to arm itself is a safer one. And you'd be wise to watch your tone." "Don't tell me what to watch! Elite or not, you're a public servant, which means you listen to me. Maybe if the Federation wasn't blowing through money every time you pop some crazy insurrectionist in the head, we might have some money left to keep them safe at night!" "Sir, you are testing my patience," Arcander growled. "The Federation will review the case again in several months. Now, if you'll excuse me, I do have other cases to hear." "You Elites are all the same," the biomech said, a haughty laugh escaping his mouth. "You can't teach a gunner how business works." Arcander leapt from his seat, lunging over the podium and dragging the biomech along the floor. "I am removing you from this chamber for your blatant disrespect." Arcander kicked the door open and hurled the biomech out into the hallway. Everyone heard the sound of him crashing against the far wall and Arcander slammed the door, storming back to his desk. He swept the documents he'd been handed into the trash and scanned his schedule for the day. Arcander looked up, glancing around the room. "I apologize for that, but I think you're all smart enough to know that I didn't volunteer to be here today. Next case I'll be hearing is Dr. Skyvir's request for scientific funding on Project Sky Shield. Please step up to the podium." Skyvir picked up her briefcase and stood at the podium, turning over several documents to the Elite. "Thank you for hearing my case. As you can see from those papers, I have been working tirelessly for over six decacycles to create a viable defense for the Great Beings against our dangerous atmosphere. Obviously, it poses us no harm, but I promised them that I would make Circumstance safe for their kind." Arcander studied Skyvir's face for a moment. "Oh…so you were the doctor that was leading that project. I remember hearing something about it shortly after the Great Beings left, but I don't read as much news as I'd like. Let me finish skimming these papers and we'll resume our discussion." Arcander ran his finger along the papers, flipping back and forth through them, looking for the general idea of what Skyvir wanted. "I acknowledge that the amount of funds each cycle is…considerable, but I don't need many more cycles to finish my research. We were coming so close." "Yes, you made a point of saying that in some colorful ways throughout these pages, several times as a matter of fact. Despite the urgency you express toward this project, however, I'm hard-pressed to agree with you. Tell me, when did the Great Beings say they'd return?" "Well," Skyvir started uncertainly, "they didn't. They said it would be many cycles, but I don't recall a specific number." "That doesn't suggest they'll be back tomorrow. It could be millecycles if they return at all, ma'am," Arcander replied. "Frankly, I don't find this Project Sky Shield to be of much global importance right now. That said, I must decline to see the funding restored." "You don't understand," Skyvir said helplessly. "I was betting everything on this meeting. This project has kept me up so many nights…so much discovery…so much deciphered about Great Being biology. Consider what we're throwing away, please." "We're throwing away the key to protecting an advanced race of aliens from our atmosphere. Here's a question, Doctor. Why didn't the Great Beings find a way to protect themselves from our atmosphere?" "I'm glad you asked," Skyvir said with a slight grin. "The Great Beings did not harbor an inclination to find their own cure, for Circumstance was merely another world to them. They saw the potential in our society, but nothing worth lingering for. Even the technological advancements they provided were intentionally limited, so as not to 'greatly disrupt the natural order.' The Great Beings seemingly had all the answers and thought we would be more satisfied in eventually finding them for ourselves. Once they realized the air was toxic, they seldom left their starships, at least having the foresight to spare themselves further harm." "They didn't care about Circumstance enough to find a cure and you seem to think we should be spending all this money to show them we care? Doctor, it would be financially irresponsible of the Federation government to continue funding this project on that premise and I can only promise you greater difficulty in trying to get that decision overturned. We have to take care of ourselves before we can start benefitting others, do you understand?" Skyvir was on the verge of tears. "I understand. Thank you for your time, Elite." Arcander returned her documents to her and frowned. "I'm sorry." Skyvir quietly departed the chamber, returning to the window and staring out it once more. Too preoccupied with her thoughts, she neglected to notice a green-eyed biomech follow her out, silently approaching her. "Do you have a moment, Doctor?" he called out. She turned, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I just had cycles of research pulled out from underneath me. I'm not really feeling a conversation at the moment." "Good, I have your attention at least." He marched up to her very deliberately, holding a smile all the way. "What would you say if I could acquire the necessary funding to complete your research and the assets involved?" Skyvir gave him a curious look. "I would ask who you are and how you have access to those kinds of resources." "My name is Mionaph and I am the leader of the Paragon Corporation. As a member of the scientific community, Doctor, I am certain you've heard of us." "Paragon is a private sector business that donated funds to my project for several cycles about a decacycle back. I remember my benefactors well, sir," Skyvir replied, extending a hand. Mionaph shook and smirked at her. "Clearly. Were you aware that my company is, as we speak, building the first space station in orbit above our world?" "A space station, huh? Why?" "My research and development teams encountered some setbacks to working in Federation districts. Outside the Federation, of course, the land is run by mercenary gangs and I can't have my scientists working around those brutes. Space seemed the logical location to work where prying eyes would no longer be a problem. Suffice to say, I entered the private sector when I realized not all of my corporation's practices would be legal as the Federation might define it." Skyvir took a couple steps back. "Why are you telling me this?" "I had to cease donating to your research when my company's space program began, but understand that I remain very interested in your findings on the Great Beings." "Interested enough to provide me with the funding to continue and rehire my"- "Easy, Doctor," Mionaph interrupted. "I can have your Great Being stasis corpses reacquired from the Federation government, but I agree with Elite Arcander that preventing the Great Beings from being harmed by our atmosphere is not of the utmost importance." "Why don't you just get to the point then," Skyvir replied, becoming short-tempered. Mionaph gave her a sinister grin. "I want to use the encapsulated Great Beings to bring my dream of building a new one to fruition. If the Great Beings could create life from the tips of their fingers and the thoughts within their minds, could we not create a Great Being from the remains of their kind? It was a theory too radical to present to the Federation, but aboard a station I am paying to construct…nothing is impossible. Imagine a Great Being that is free from the partially organic shortcomings of its precursors." "A robotic Great Being…interesting," Skyvir mused, playing off how disturbing the idea seemed in her mind. "Do you really need me to make that happen though?" "The mechanical Great Being will control my space station from the heart of the construct and I need someone to oversee the machine and ensure it runs properly. The Great Beings wished for you to protect them all those cycles ago and I think it is only fair that you are the biomech to control the first evolved Great Being. It will take orders from you and you will control the station through it for a full cycle, after which time we will be able to deem it capable or incapable of running the station. I am offering you this lofty responsibility because I trust you to accurately see the task through. If you are willing, I would like you to work closely with my research and development teams, exchanging and comparing notes about the design and biological makeup of the Great Being corpses and what you've learned thus far. If you've been doing research for over sixty cycles now, I'm sure that while my station is built over the course of the next nine, you will only discover more." "It'll take nine cycles to complete the space station?" "Roughly," Mionaph replied. "I spread my resources thin from time to time, but I keep my interests open as well. As I was saying, Doctor, if we work together, we won't have to wait for the Great Beings to return and ask them to unlock more secrets of the universe. If this project is successful, they will be asking us." Skyvir smiled. "If you will allow me to finish Project Sky Shield after my cycle aboard your station, I wholeheartedly accept." Mionaph smirked. "Fair enough. You've got yourself a deal, Doctor." <<<Paragon>>> Skyvir awoke aboard Paragon Station, starting the one hundred fifty eighth day of the contractual cycle she had promised to Mionaph nearly a decacycle prior. She groggily left her tiny bedroom and entered her laboratory, paying close attention to a mysterious object on the desk. The station had retrieved it from space a couple weeks earlier, peacefully drifting by. The object was a small, crystalline orb, covered in spines that constantly shifted around one another. Made up of golden pieces that contained a glittering, lemon-colored energy within, the crystal core resembled a star. Skyvir had been tampering with the object since it had been brought inside, experimenting on it and trying to unleash the power it possessed. For reasons beyond her, however, it did not respond to her methods. Skyvir continued into the station's central control room and watched the mechanical cocoon in the middle of the room expose the artificial intelligence inside, studying her as she sat down at one of the control panels. "Hello, Doctor Skyvir," the intelligence greeted. While it spoke, it easily ran through several standard routines for maintaining the station, staying vigilant for any unwanted activity. It was the culmination of cycles of hard work and research, a mechanical Great Being with pieces of the bodies and minds of those that had perished on Circumstance. "I have been watching you since you woke up. You require further sleep." Skyvir didn't find the AI's words too disturbing. It watched everyone and everything on the station. It was merely concerned for her well-being. "I got by on a few hours of sleep back home, Zelacrix. I'll be fine." "I am required to promote a healthy lifestyle in all station crew, Doctor. Tell me, why did you stare out the bedroom window for so long last night? I wish to better understand biomech culture and I feel your answer may be beneficial to that mission." Skyvir logged herself into the system and tapped her chin a few times. "Begin recording, Zelacrix." "Acknowledged," Zelacrix replied. "Audio log will commence when you begin speaking." Skyvir spun around in her chair to face Zelacrix' cocoon, staring up at the machine attached to the ceiling. The station hub provided the AI with ample energy to remain active and contained a platform that could disconnect from the core for extended periods, capable of making repairs to the station that could endanger biomechanical crew members. "I was gazing down at Circumstance. When I agreed to spend a whole cycle aboard this station, I hadn't considered I would miss my home as dearly as I do now. The atmosphere's shades of deep blue, bright green, majestic violet - they're such beautiful colors. It saddens me to think our world was an inhospitable realm for some of the most mysterious entities I have ever known." "You are referring, of course, to the Great Beings," Zelacrix said. "After extensive study, I have theorized the possibility that they possessed supernatural abilities." Skyvir chuckled. "As a scientist, I have never placed much stake in the notion of magic or the paranormal. That said, what the Great Beings were able to display was a grasp of science so beyond me and the millions of other biomechs on Circumstance, I questioned for a time if they truly possessed supernatural powers of some kind. In truth, their esoteric understanding of the universe and its manipulation was centicycles beyond us. The blueprint of the cosmos seemed burned into their minds, and when it became apparent that our atmosphere was killing them, it was all I could do to research a cure. Despite my background in biology, the Great Beings were so alien to what I had been educated in, I could not engineer a viable way to allow their survival on Circumstance." "At which time they bid you farewell," Zelacrix replied. "I downloaded the news article a few months ago. I also downloaded an article about your research with the Paragon Corporation and my eventual creation. Any pertinent information to my origin seemed worth further analysis." Skyvir nodded. "Indeed. Now, let's run through some of our standard questions. What is your name?" "My name is Zelacrix. I am the first and only Neo Great Being, activated one cycle ago." "What is your purpose?" "I have been tasked with maintaining and protecting the Paragon Space Station from all threats to the structure and its mission to study the void outside Circumstance. The station is an extension of my form, the monitors my eyes, and external microphones my audio receptors. It defends me from the harshness of space and I defend it from disrepair." "That's enough for today," Skyvir said quietly. "You appear to be functioning properly. I'll access your memory core in the afternoon and perform an in-depth analysis." "Do I require more information to ensure my integration with biomech culture?" "Another time, maybe," Skyvir replied. "I need to do some more research on the crystal core we found. Telling you about biomechs was not the primary reason I came up here." "Your primary reason was fulfilling a contractual obligation to the Paragon Corporation's head executive," Zelacrix reminded her. "You have imparted enough to explain how biomechs treat such written agreements. It does not appear you had a choice." Skyvir frowned. "The funding for my project was cut and my staff was let go, leaving me not only jobless, but feeling as though my government had turned its back on the work I devoted just over six decacycles to. I was reluctant to come aboard and monitor his AI program, but I recognized Mionaph's offer wouldn't be given a second time. I left my laboratory, my colleagues, and my friends behind, travelling by shuttle to reach a station almost exclusively controlled by…you." "Do you not trust me to successfully operate this station?" Zelacrix asked. Skyvir stared hard at Zelacrix for a moment, considering her response. She helped to build a synthetic god and, while it possessed none of the organic parts of the Great Beings it came from (as they were biomechanical entities), her first encounter with it felt as alien as the day several starships landed on Circumstance. "Yes, I trust you. Still, I'm here to keep tabs on you, which means someone else doesn't trust you. When the cycle ends though, I'm sure we'll have determined you are a competent AI." "One cannot trust an unknown variable, which the Paragon Corporation still considers me. A vote of confidence from you suggests I will prove to be useful when the cycle term concludes." "We can only hope," Skyvir replied, turning the chair back to the computer panel. The neighboring screen suddenly lit up with a transmission notification and Skyvir opened the line. The engineering deck had contacted her and she smiled politely at the face of the head engineer, a teal and grey armored biomech named Riendov. "Good morning, Skyvir," he said cheerfully. "Need something down there?" Skyvir asked, momentarily returning to the other screen and putting in a few commands. "I was curious about the AI's primary processor. You said it would be repaired a few days ago and my connection to the Paragon network is still running pretty slow." "Oh, that," Skyvir nodded, still trying to work while half-listening to her call. She knew the engineers didn't think very highly of a lead scientist that was so erratic at times, but she was comfortable multitasking and life aboard the station hadn't changed that. "I was…working on it." "It'd be nice if you worked faster, Doctor," Riendov said with a chuckle. "Relegating the AI to run commands through the wireless processor is negatively affecting Zelacrix's ability to analyze data sent from the Paragon network. Skyvir slid her chair out of the monitor's sight, typing a few commands into another computer terminal and making some noises with the cables on the floor. She then kicked the wall and slid back, smirking at the engineer. "I just fixed it. Any other problems I need to address?" Riendov glanced at his nearby computer terminal. "It's not showing any changes." "Give it time," Skyvir reassured him. "Zelacrix might need a moment to reestablish a solid connection." Riendov sighed. "Okay then. Thanks for the help." The engineer ended the call and Skyvir went back to focusing on what she considered more important matters, scanning the station for any integral issues. "Doctor, I have detected that my primary processor has not been repaired. Why did you tell the lead engineer otherwise?" Skyvir kept her eyes on the screen, replying with, "You and I know I was asked to make that repair last week, but I've been preoccupied with other things. Everyone seems to have suddenly forgotten about the crystal core we miraculously retrieved from outside the station. This object has so many mysterious properties, it's the most important scientific discovery since the Great Beings arrived on our doorstep and the engineers want to put that on the back burner to read their Paragon network messages a little faster." "Despite the importance of this crystal object, why would you tell the engineer something that is not true? More curious, how does your programming allow you to do this?" "I suppose my earlier mention of getting to biomech lifestyle later can start now. I lied to him, Zelacrix. Lying is something biomechs do when the truth is found inconvenient for one reason or another. In this case, I would prefer that if any engineers ask you about your primary processor, you tell them the repair has been made. They can handle a slower network for a day or two more while I finish my research on the energy core." Zelacrix paused, analyzing the command he had been given. He was required to take any directive from the Doctor, but this was proving difficult. "I will inform him the processor is repaired." Skyvir smiled at the AI's cocoon, into his primary visuals. "Thank you." Zelacrix was very preoccupied for the rest of the day, unable to focus on Skyvir's study of the crystal core. The AI released itself from the cocoon hub and began to walk the station halls, physically observing the other workers. The machine possessed no inclination to learn more about lying from the biomechs onboard the station, but from what the Paragon network allowed it to investigate about the civilization on Circumstance, Zelacrix had arrived at the conclusion that all biomechs lied. Virtual messages public and private could be traced to falsehoods, some determined to be conscious deceptions. All this rampant avoidance of the truth perplexed Zelacrix, and without a primary processor to regulate information through, simple perplexity felt like more of a full-on mental struggle. "Zelacrix, are you listening?" The AI zeroed in on the audio's source and turned the nearest monitors toward it. Zelacrix studied the biomech in his sights and verified his identity as the station's lead engineer, Riendov. "Hello. How may I be of assistance?" "My connection to the Paragon network is still pretty slow. I spoke to Skyvir this morning and she told me it was repaired so I'm guessing it may just be an issue with you at this point." Zelacrix took less than a second to retrieve the audio memory of Skyvir's chat with him that morning. …if any engineers ask you about your primary processor, you tell them the repair has been made. …tell them the repair has been made. …the repair…has been made." The repair has been made," Zelacrix said evenly. "Doctor Skyvir made the repairs this morning." Riendov gave the monitor a suspicious look. "O-kay. Any idea what's slowing my connection?" Zelacrix processed possibilities to a problem that didn't exist, running through the listed troubleshooting steps until finding a suitable explanation. To cover the first lie, the AI required a second. "The feedback satellites located on the external hull allow us to contact the network. I will adjust them and attempt to restore a stronger connection." Riendov nodded. "Right. Let's hope that solves the issue." <<<>>> [Continue]

May I have a critique of my short story, Chronicle? -Ced

Charity Assignment Revision has been reviewed. -Ced

ECC Charity Review time! Revision is my first charity piece (surprising since I'm the BZPer that put the charity initiative into effect in the first place) and I found it to be an engaging plot. Ultimately, it's downfall came from a plethora of grammar and spelling errors, as seen below.Chapter 1 it moved back into the shadows, waiting for its move. “Hah!” laughed another. Perhaps this sentence would be better worded like this: "Gavla said that she didn't know, but she did, and that knowledge was apparent to everyone else too." This isn’t the first time this has happened, and destroying any possible opposition that could arise.” not a bunch of rookies that were thrust into my face, and reverse the process in which you’re supposed to kill?” Oh wait, they're both dead, “Oh, the old "it worked for Solek so it should work for me" argument eh? How about this? Find a shadow leech and let it suck the light out of you, because it worked for Solek, right?” “Do you? Or are you trying to get me to stop?” you should go see your new team before they kill each other.”Chapter 2 but much like the newcomers that he'd seen while on lookout running behind a large rock. Well, at least they don’t know exactly where I am, but from what I’ve seen, they’re pretty good shots. and it held a not-so-stone-like sword, a sudden onslaught of energy struck him like a punch to the stomach. He dropped to the floor convulsing in pain, and finally fell still.Chapter 3 walls of the arena were covered with black scorch stains, ice sheets and icebergs, They know about your strict regimen, the Toa of Stone got impatient The council tried to place him on a team made solely of Air Toa, and ungrateful. Other words aren’t needed to describe him. what she was about to do to these four, you're trying to subdue me."Man, that was a lot of grammatical errors. I recommend using a writing program that will help you catch slip-ups like that, or simply adopt a habit of being much, much more vigilant when you're reviewing your work for issues. Also, I noticed you don't use consistent verb tense a lot, and that accounted for a decent chunk of the grammar errors I found. Now that I've addressed that, let's move on to your actual story.From these few, short chapters, I'm running on the assumption that your epic is titled Revision for the simple fact that Gavla is putting together a team that has come from many different places, all quick-tempered and argumentative types that "don't play well with others." While I'm not sure why you deviated from canon to make Gavla a Toa of water rather than the Toa of light she would be, she fits her role well in this story. Admittedly, your opening had all the cliché feel of a bad horror movie, and if not for all the grammar issues I got bogged down in catching, the rest of your story would certainly make up for that. For the sake of further analysis, I'm going to pretend grammar wasn't an issue and grade your story in this next part by the substance of its plot.Given Gavla's canon history, I'm not entirely sure whether or not she's responsible for the deaths of the former Toa teams. She certainly appears to be ready to try again, but she seems rather detached from the failures and deaths of those teams, even prepared to laugh about the death of Solek - someone who (moments before) she wishes were still around. She's trustworthy enough to be given another chance at leading Toa, though, even if she's given a team full of incompatible hotheads.Now, without more information about this epic, the second chapter feels very out of place. There's no information (or even hints) as to who is on the run or who is pursuing him. It's a shame this epic stopped so short, as the idea behind a mysterious sword and mask leaves quite a bit hanging up in the air. Ah well, I suppose.The third chapter is much more fun. Gavla's new team is intense and they don't seem to respect authority, not that it's a terrible surprising trait for a bunch of Toa that don't function well in teams to begin with. The scope of what you're setting up has incredible potential, but it's held back by the constant grammatical issues. To be frank, I wouldn't read this epic if not on assignment because of the poor grammar. It continually killed the immersion for me and I had to go back and edit everything together to run through it more smoothly. I like your plot, I really do, but you need to learn the "rules of the road" with proper English. Keep at it.-Ced

"The sky will be my shroud, a cenotaph of cloud." -Keane Episode 14: Live by the Sword... Trylac spun back, firing three shots without the use of his scope. The sound of someone in terrible pain roared out at us. Turning back to look at the Makuta, I caught him clutching his eye, sparks flying out from where it had been seconds ago. Trylac's shooting had been nothing short of perfect. Rovaius opened fire on the Makuta as well, causing the Rahi-maker even greater agony as he fell to his knees. Just as Elendra was about to draw on our enemy, Rovaius motioned her to halt and the Makuta collapsed into the dirt. "He went into shock, likely passed out from the intensity of his wounds," Trylac said rather coolly. "He's still alive." "Do we want him alive?" Elendra asked furiously. Rovaius quietly walked back to Stalgrax's corpse, staring down at our fallen friend. We joined him and stood around the murdered Nohtalian, probably all wishing we had been chosen by the Makuta instead. His particular sense of humor grounded me when I was too serious and reminded me there was entertainment to be had in what we did. There were no words to mourn a friend like Stalgrax and I still think Rovaius was smart in what he said next. "It would be a foolish mistake to have the entire Brotherhood hunting us for the murder of one of their own. The Makuta is in no condition to pursue us." They were strong words for a biomech who had just lost someone he considered close enough to be called a brother. Despite whatever fury or anguish Rovaius was feeling, his common sense remained intact. In a world without Trivolox, he had the ability to reject the unbridled passion he warned against and see reason. I doubt I could've done the same in his position. "I should've turned a few seconds sooner," Trylac said. I had never heard regret in his voice before and it remains one of the saddest sounds in my memory. "I'm so sorry, Rovaius." Rovaius opened his mouth and stayed silent. I thought he might lose it right there. "We need to go," Rovaius said, walking away from Stalgrax's corpse. I followed him, only glancing back at Stalgrax one more time in helplessness. There was nothing we could do. "Are you going to be all right?" I asked Rovaius, hiding none of my concern. "I don't know," Rovaius said quietly, staring at the ground, never slowing his pace. "I thought Trivolox's death would feel right…I thought I would feel right. It's over now though…the four Nohtalians I once called brothers are gone." "I'm sorry, Rovaius," I whispered, just staring at my defeated leader. "It's not your fault," Rovaius told me, forcing a smile. He looked into my eyes and his appeared to glass over a bit. The luster in his lime green eyes was oddly hazy, almost dead really. It took me a moment to realize what had happened, mostly because it happened so rarely. Sentient life in our universe is almost always more mechanical than organic, but there are a few species out there that are exceptions to the rule. They seem more in tune with emotion than most biomechs, but their bodies sometimes react to certain emotional stimuli as well. One such example is tears - liquid droplets secreted from the eyes often accompanying intense sadness. Like myself, Rovaius couldn't cry tears, but his hazy eyes were doing their best. "It's not your fault either," I replied firmly. Those were the last words spoken for a while. As a storm system of ominous gray clouds settled over us on our path through southern Nohtal, there was nothing much to talk about. Trivolox's defeat had come at the cost of losing Stalgrax and as brave a face as Rovaius tried to wear, I could only speculate how difficult it was to carry such a burden of regret. We continued on through southern Nohtal for a couple hours while our situation worsened. Rovaius rarely spoke unless he was giving a directive and no one really wanted to talk about Stalgrax at the time. Right when it started to drizzle, I thought I heard something strange in the distance behind us. I looked over my shoulder and immediately felt sick. A substantial number of Toa and Exo-Toa were heading for our position. It didn't matter where they were stationed, the movements of Toa as a group were always very deliberate and I was sure these ones were working with the Makuta we'd encountered earlier in the day. "We have company," I said. "Any ideas?" "Pick up the pace," Rovaius replied harshly. "Maybe we can lose them up ahead." We broke into an easy run, making our way toward the ruins of a very ancient looking fortress. I can't say if Rovaius knew the fortress was there from the start and I didn't bother to ask. Given the familiarity with Nohtal he suggested prior and the structure's apparent age, I would assume he had seen the fortress in its youth at some point. "I'll do a flyover and check the scale of what we're up against," Trylac said, his wings rapidly flapping into action as he took to the skies. I watched him the entire time as he scanned the ground and observed the enemies headed for us. I expected we could handle whatever it was. I didn't expect that, so early into his flight, Trylac would be suddenly shot down and sent plunging out of the air. I felt like I couldn't breathe when I watched it happen, listening to Elendra gasp as Trylac fell like a stone. "I'd know that sound anywhere," Rovaius said, as if in a trance. "Trivolox's gunblade. The Makuta is back." "In the name of Mata Nui and the Brotherhood of Makuta, we order you to halt!" a Toa shouted our way. "Not a chance," Rovaius spat. "Let's move!" The Nohtalian dragged me with him, forcing me to try and ignore what I'd just seen and focus on saving my life. We dashed through the ruins, following the rays of sunlight through the broken ceiling as we went along. Rovaius led us up a large hillside and I was comforted to have a tactical advantage at last, easily able to pick off the enemy from our position. It only took moments for the Toa and Exo-Toa to make their way through the fortress ruins and we knew the Makuta wasn't far behind. "Did you see how he hit Trylac?" Rovaius asked, sounding as though he was addressing someone who wasn't present. "The Makuta's skill is…unprecedented." "He killed him!" I shouted, shaking Rovaius by the shoulders. "He killed Trylac and Stalgrax and unless we do something, he's going to kill us!" Rovaius rapidly blinked his eyes several times, as though he were coming out of a heavy daydream. He stared at me blankly, studying my desperate expression. Finally, he spoke. "Elendra…Adrinor…you should get going," Rovaius said evenly. "Rovaius!" Elendra growled. "I wasn't asking," the Nohtalian replied coldly. "To join me in this battle would be suicide. I would prefer one of us fall rather than all of us. I have four dead friends…brothers, who are gone now. Nohtal was their first home and it is their final resting place, all in the designs of the Great Spirit. We are destined for the paths we take and somehow, I always knew destiny would bring me back here…one way or another." "Rovaius," I whispered in shock. "It's okay," he said, smiling to me. "Continue to live your dream, Adrinor. And Elendra, there's nothing wrong with being open now and again. I'm going to buy you two a little time now. Use it wisely and, take care of yourselves." Elendra and I reluctantly watched Rovaius run back down the hill, taking on the Toa and their mechanical sentries. From what his final words had been, I knew what Rovaius intended to do and I knew the cost. Rovaius didn't stand a chance without the option he hinted to me, fighting a losing battle from the start. Every swing of his gunblade was parried and every shot was deflected. The Exo-Toa and Toa tried to close in on him, but Rovaius frantically fought to keep them at bay. It's hard to say whether exhaustion or emotion wore at him harder, though both had to be taking their toll. One of the Exo-Toa punched him across the face with its retractable arm and a Toa followed with a burst of air. Rovaius was brought to his knees while his enemies circled, attempting to take him into custody. Elendra gripped my arm and I gave her a panicked stare. "Those Toa won't kill us, they have a code!" I protested, struggling to get free. "We have to save Rovaius!" "I doubt they would kill us," Elendra replied, "but we left a furious and partially blind Makuta back there. Do you expect him to show any mercy when he catches up?" I stopped trying to release my arm and thought about what Elendra was saying. Hanging my head in defeat, I sighed. "No…I don't." Elendra shook her head, glancing down at Rovaius when she let my arm go. "This is what he wants, Adrinor. It isn't any easier for me to watch than it is for you, but we both know nothing good will come from running back down this hill to aid Rovaius." I turned my attention back to Rovaius and quietly loaded a laser shell into my rifle. A pair of Toa held each arm and leg in place, starting to carry the Nohtalian away. I wondered for a second if I would be doing him a favor if I fired my next shot through his head, preventing him any further pain. I felt myself fighting to remain still, fighting not to scream. Rovaius tugged for freedom in vain, but then he did something remarkable. Just as the Makuta marched out of the fortress, Rovaius' arms became engulfed in shadow energies - crackling power that consumed his entire body before converging over his heartlight. The Toa dropped him on the ground and backed away, each drawing their weapons in anticipation. I peered through my scope and could see the shadows had disappeared from his body, having somehow turned his heartlight a pitch black color in the process. He yelled out and I watched his heartlight burst open. I withdrew from the scope and stared down at the battlefield just as a sphere of darkness exploded outward from Rovaius. "Rovaius!" I screamed, pushing Elendra aside when she tried to hold me back. I sprinted down the hill and into the carnage, rushing to my leader's side. Tiny sparks of violet jumped around Rovaius' enemies, remnants of his intense dark energy shockwave. Toa and machines had been scattered about, not one of the survivors in the condition to fight me. The Makuta had been hurled backwards through a couple heavy walls, probably rendered unconscious. A Toa of plasma glanced my way and I fired a shot through his head, putting a hole in his Kadin. I dropped the rifle and took a few more steps toward Rovaius, standing over him. His eyes were halfway open, though the lime green that lived within them was gone. Where his heartlight pulsed moments before was a hole pouring out a thin layer of black mist in its place. This was the price Rovaius paid for freedom, the catalyst of an ultimate liberation. "No," I said, a crackle of thunder drowning out my voice. "No, this can't be how it ends. Look what you did." I stared back up the hill at Elendra and cried, "Look what you did!" I picked up the gunblade and held it at my side. It wasn't my weapon of choice, but I couldn't just leave it there. I could hear several biomechs heading for my position and knew our time for an escape was running out. I frowned at Rovaius in frustration and pity. "I'll carry on the dream, Rovaius…for all of us." I hurried for the hill, dashing up the side of it. More Toa and Exo-Toa quickly stumbled upon the terrible scene Rovaius caused and caught Elendra and I fleeing the destruction. It's hard to say what happened next, but I distinctly remember being struck in the back about a dozen times. It didn't hurt at first, but when I realized there were energy bullets in me, a sense of panic set in. "Keep running, Adrinor!" Elendra shouted in desperation. I tried to follow her order, but I fell to the ground in pain, experiencing what felt like dying. Was this the feeling Rovaius felt as the concussive blast overwhelmed him? Elendra kept trying to pull me along, but I couldn't focus long enough to help her. I could hear the faint sound of my heartlight beating, but my body wouldn't respond. The world was flickering between blurry sights and flashes of darkness, and I could feel the rain pouring down on my armor. My mind was slowly shutting down and the pain was starting to fade. For an instant, I thought I glimpsed Trivolox pointing his gunblade at my head. I thought he might finish me off, ignoring how he could possibly remain alive. It hardly seemed to matter at the time. I assumed I was going to perish there, in the rain, with or without some dead Nohtalian's mercy. I couldn't help but think of what Rovaius said the night before. Was my form just a cenotaph to the spirit I left behind in Kinatra? I didn't know. I could hear Boomer the Hapaka barking at Mahi, I could pick up the scent of wild flowers on the ranch, and I could visualize a smiling Torema. "I'm sorry," I whispered weakly to the long-dead Po-Matoran. "I'm so sorry." Torema opened his mouth to reply, but the words were my own. Words I had spoken to the leader of the Toa Iosiden were now coming back to haunt me. "Everything comes with a consequence." He was right. I was right. Everything faded then and the pursuit of my dream appeared to conclude. <<<>>> My eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the sensation of light pouring in through a nearby window. I was in someone's bed. I immediately sat upright, examining a very quaint looking bedroom. Elendra was propped against the far corner wall, giving me a brief smile. The sunlight brilliantly reflected on her frost and violet armor. "Have you been waiting for me to wake up?" I asked. "It wouldn't be the first time," she replied, walking across the room to me. She placed a hand on my shoulder and quietly added, "I'm glad you're okay, Adrinor." Her smile was genuine, not like the Elendra I knew that hid within herself. I wondered if I was dreaming, creating a curious, unguarded version of the Trelban. "I know we lost them," I began uneasily, "and that's made us vulnerable, because they meant the world to us. I think we need to reassess ourselves. We need to reassess this life." "Come with me," Elendra said. "You should meet the biomech that saved your life." I followed Elendra into the next room, finding an individual leaning back in a chair, very casually at that. Clad in matte black armor mixed with hints of cerulean, he was preoccupied eating one of the fruits I had seen in the grove when I first arrived on Nohtal. "Where am I?" I asked. "Southern Nohtal," the biomech replied, quickly taking another bite. "I imagine you're a little disoriented after everything yesterday, so I can forgive the lack of appreciation for my work." "Oh, yeah…that," I said, glancing down at my armor. Not a scratch on it. I looked back up, into the biomech's soft, teal eyes. "Thanks. How'd you do it?" The biomech snapped his fingers and his hand began to emit a light blue aura. "My kind have innate healing abilities." I searched my memory for anything like what he was referring to. It had been long ago, but I vaguely recalled meeting an entity with such powers on the ranch once. "You're from the eastern chain of the Southern Islands, right?" He nodded. "Yes, I'm a Todrano. My name is Hadliek - League agent at your service." "League agent," I repeated softly. "You work for Pridak?" "Not directly, no. I was with a League recruiting agency based out of Anxious Solitude though. I was assigned to Nohtal to locate and keep tabs on potential League soldiers. Most of these Nohtalians are very peaceful, but every once in a while, I come across one with a temper. That's when I send a report back to Xia and begin pursuing the prospective new hire. We like to be sure that we really know these Nohtalians before putting any jobs on the table. Their range of power is too great to leave something like an unhinged mind to chance. After hearing Elendra's story about what you've been through, however, it looks like I'm out of a job at the moment." "So how is it that Elendra crossed paths with a League recruiter? Do you routinely go for walks in the pouring rain?" I questioned. "Pure chance," Elendra replied, taking a seat next to Hadliek. "He was preoccupied with some target practice when he noticed me half carrying you in the storm." "You were half dragging him too," Hadliek said, taking another bite of his fruit. "Anyway, she realized I wasn't a Nohtalian and I decided to ask what happened to you." "I'm not proud of myself, but I panicked and divulged that we were with the League," Elendra said, releasing a heavy sigh. "And from that moment of weakness, you were brought here. Combined with a little focus on my behalf, I managed to save you." A few days prior, I would've expected Elendra to hold one of her revolvers at someone's face for referencing any of her actions as a "moment of weakness." She was calm. I didn't expect it to last. Three of our closest friends had just died and I think we both needed some time to come to terms with that. "So now we're back to your comment from earlier," Elendra said to me. "With Rovaius, Stalgrax, Trylac, and the League gone, do you still want to keep doing this? Could you carry on with this life after what we've lost?" I stared hard at the floor, pondering what to say. Our lifestyle was a dangerous one and now we were a little more alone in the world. That thought had been haunting me since I watched Stalgrax get killed, but I considered what he would do now if things had been different. It didn't take me long to find my answer as I smiled at Elendra and Hadliek. "I think it would be a terrible dishonor to their memories if we didn't carry on." "Good to hear it," Elendra said eagerly. "Hadliek and I talked it over and we're planning to leave Nohtal in a day or two. A little extra freedom in the world might do us some good." "Yeah, I've never been part of a team like yours, but I'm a decent shot," Hadliek said. "I've also had to take out my fair share of…enemies, I guess you'd call them. Nohtal is surprisingly quite a haven for anti-League entities." I turned to face the door and glanced at Rovaius' gunblade leaning next to it. "I want to do one thing first. And…we'll need a shovel." We cautiously returned to the fortress ruins later that day, scouting the area first for any signs of lingering Toa or Exo-Toa. The site was solemn, empty and quiet. My laser rifle had been left behind, snapped in half and thrown against the outer wall of the fortress. I bent down to study it, well aware it would never fire again. The laser rifle once connected me to my former home on the ranch. With time, it had been at my side during my many adventures with the gang. To see it completely ruined, it felt symbolic of the fact that the life I had known was changing once again. When I left Hadliek's home, I took up the gunblade in memory of my own brothers - Rovaius, Stalgrax, and Trylac. I walked into the crumbling fortress and only took a few steps before coming to an abrupt halt. Rovaius had been lain down on a stone table, his hands placed over his heartlight. I had witnessed something similar before - only Toa were known to honor fallen allies and enemies like that. He was still a sight of wonder as the sun danced upon his ruby and obsidian armor through the holes in the ceiling. I warily approached the Nohtalian's corpse, almost expecting him to wake up and brush off his wounds. That would not be the case. "That's him, huh?" Hadliek asked quietly. He scooped Rovaius up from the table and threw the Nohtalian over his shoulder. "Come on, Adrinor. We still have work to do." The three of us headed north then, planning to recover the remainder of our friends. Despite searching the rest of the day and into the next morning, we never located Trylac's body. It was Elendra's assumption that the enraged Makuta had either blasted him into ashes or the Dectraz was alive out there somewhere, abandoning us for reasons unknown. Once we stumbled upon the pieces of his broken sniper rifle, I didn't have much hope left in her second theory. Our travels eventually brought us back to the proving ground where Trivolox and Stalgrax took their final breath, only to find Stalgrax hadn't been moved an inch from where he dropped. Elendra pulled his corpse—a sturdy body of onyx and topaz left face down in the dust—up over her shoulder and took a long sigh. For all of their previous tension, all those past arguments, it was all utterly pointless now. We didn't exchange any words after that and I wondered what Elendra would've said to Stalgrax if she had one more chance. Then I turned the question back on myself and stared at Rovaius for a while, watching his head shift a bit against Hadliek's shoulder as the Todrano carried him. More than anything, I just wanted to apologize for letting him make the sacrifice. We finally returned to the site where I first located Stalgrax after the airship crash, the site of his original gang's graves. When we arrived, Elendra and I noticed something very interesting. "A third grave," I said flatly. Elendra nodded. "The Toa must've brought Trivolox here, but how would they have known?" "I'm not sure," I replied. "Maybe someone identified him. A Nohtalian perhaps." We took turns digging a pair of graves on the opposite end of Trivolox's, placing Rovaius and Stalgrax inside, and seeing their faces one last time. When we finished burying them and sundown was on the way, the finality of it really hit me. Even alongside Elendra and Hadliek, I felt impossibly alone in that moment. "The infamous Rovaius-Trivolox Gang, together again at last, and eternally," Elendra said. "The League separated them once and ultimately reunited them here on Nohtal." "Yeah," I replied sadly, "it's interesting how that turned out. Some were friends, one was an enemy, and some we never knew at all. They all affected us in some way though." I pulled the gunblade from my back and rested the tip between the graves we'd dug. "I owe you two so much. Thank you for letting my live my dream and…good night." "What happens now?" Hadliek asked Elendra. "Back to business as usual?" "Same business, new faces. That's how this whole thing works," Elendra replied, handing me the shovel. I plunged the object into a fresh patch of grass above the graves and turned back to my companions. Elendra forced a smile to me and Hadliek gave a slightly more awkward version of the same. The three of us walked away from the burial site after that, heading into the sunset as a new team. I was uncertain where life would takes us in this universe without order, but we were prepared to face it together. Review

I have completed my final assignment, Voltex's In the Mourning. Thank you to all the writers for keeping us active and continue to work at your craft. I would also like to thank Velox and the wonderful staff here at the SSCC. You're a fine bunch of critics and I have been proud to acknowledge you as my colleagues over the past several months. Due to certain real life priorities shifting around, I can no longer commit myself to routine short story work. Thanks again to all critics and writers for making my time with the SSCC an outstanding experience. -Ced

Hello, Voltex, and welcome to the last official SSCC review I'll be doing. I must say, when I discovered that this would be my last assignment, I felt a little disappointed, like being a child that has to finish all his vegetables before dessert. That feeling didn't stem from anything about you as a writer or otherwise, but because I realized I would be reviewing flash fiction. I have a process, an approach, to critiquing short stories that doesn't exactly mesh with such condensed work. That said, much of my usual criticism is going to have to be thrown out the window on this one, because the scale of your story is intentionally limited. I suppose we'll get down to business now, starting with grammar.First off, I want to tell you that I appreciate consistency in a story. I've jokingly said in the past that a single error is a mistake, but the same error throughout is style. Putting my strange humor aside, I noticed that you capitalize the first word after every piece of dialogue in your work. I believe it was sixth grade when it was pointed out to me that it's grammatically incorrect to do so, and I've been fortunate enough to have retained that info ever since. Now I'm passing it on to you with the hope it sticks to your memory like peanut butter to the roof of your mouth, or something similarly sticky if you aren't partial to peanut butter. I think if this sentence were connected to the previous one in some way, starting the way you did would make sense. Because it isn't connected, I would recommend changing it to "He was leaning back" and go from there. And here I encountered the issue of creating a cliché by intentionally trying to avoid one. I would say to remove it and have it replaced, honestly. We'll talk dialogue in depth later. Missing an ending quotation mark - easy fix. This felt abrupt…too abrupt, even for flash fiction. The solution would be in a more proper description of the situation. You tell me she was gone, and give me further clichéd detail of how your main character reacts, but that isn't enough. This felt like an omelet without salt or pepper (you're probably wondering "how many food references is he going to make?" by this point) - it needs more sensory detail, a deeper look at how his entire world feels. I don't just want to see the world through his eyes, I want it through his audio receptors, through his hands, so that it feels like a complete moment, or flavor, if you will. This passage sounds rather awkward to me. Writing it as "now adorned with the statue of a Tahtorak a powerful Toa had defeated long ago" seems to flow better.With the grammatical addressed, time to dig in (there I go again) to your actual plot. The setting is a nice, calm evening when suddenly, disaster strikes. Does the reader ever learn why the Red Star zapped Macku away? No. Should the reader need to know? Absolutely not. This story isn't about why Macku vanishes, it's about the fact that she does vanish. I mean, sure, your ending is slightly ruined by the recent Red Star news over in S&T (not sure how close you follow canon news like that, but suffice to say, the information certainly downplays the event quite a bit), however, it plays all the importance for your main character. Also, having glanced at the comments for this flash fic, I'm not sure if you wanted the lead's reveal as Hewkii to be a shocker, because as soon as I saw the name Macku, I immediately assumed the other character to be Hewkii. That's one of those relationships that keeps coming up among Bionicle fanfiction writers, so I can't really be held too responsible there. I recognize you wanted to tell some kind of romance story (I think?), but this falls short. I'll come back to wrap up the second half of your plot, because for now, I want to explore your characters and their dialogue. A romance lives and dies in characters and their words…it's all they have, ultimately. So let's see why the ideal didn't turn out to be reality.Hewkii and Macku. The canon has certainly given us enough to work with in terms of their characterization. Being flash fiction, I can't hassle you too much for not taking full advantage of that. But I want to hassle you for a moment, because this didn't feel like Hewkii and Macku at all. Romance is a genre that is easy to create clichés in, to let characters fall into certain roles and let them play out the way they might in a book, a play, a movie, etc. Those outlets further reinforce a narrow spectrum of what romance can be, and how it can be portrayed. That definitely took center stage on this one, allowing what was a pivotal part of the story turn into a discussion the likes of which often appear in made-for-tv films. So if we're going to push canon aside, if you're going to tell me Macku was "more than just a friend," then I want you to deliver. Don't force feed the audience a played out chat, read your dialogue back to yourself, and consider how it feels to you. If you can't feel your words, the audience can't. A writer's work is like a heater, and you're sitting right next to it. The audience is a distance away, and unless you crank the heat, the reader won't be able to feel it. I hope that makes sense. Regarding romance, write dialogue as though you were speaking to your own love, with the jovial passion of a person who cannot live the same without that other person. Make me believe that Hewkii and Macku share a special love, not because you give them a few cheesy lines, but because you pull from yourself everything you know about love, every loving relationship you have ever known romantically or otherwise, and let it shine and reflect in what you write. Writers should come with a warning sign that reads "Anything you say can and may be used in my work," because we have the opportunity to draw from everyone and everything and turn it into stories. In short, art imitates life, and if you want your written artistry to feel alive, it needs a stronger dose of reality than you provided to make that happen.Into the second half of your story, I think it's fair to say that things improve. Hewkii's words remain as cliché as they were in his youth, but this is the delivery I was waiting for, like when a pizza finally shows up at my door. I'll promise you that's my last food reference because you're really going to want to listen to this next bit. In the second act, you gave me an aged Hewkii, marked by a life that had to endure losing Macku. The scene displays Hewkii's strength, like that (symbolically) of a stone. He did not end his life to join her when he fell into despair, he did not lose his sanity when mourning was all he knew, he remained. You gave me a glimpse into the final moments of a Hewkii that chose to simply remain, to dignifiedly suffer the burden of loss and live out his days until his heartlight could no longer support his decision. Despite the hardship, despite how he must have grieved, Hewkii is remembered as a Toa worthy of commemoration, noble to the end. I found what I believe to be an unintended commentary that even heroes know anguish at times and that they are as mortal as the rest of us. And yet we honor them for brave action or courage in the face of insurmountable odds as though they were more than mortal, more than some of us could ever dare to be. Within the aforementioned provision of canon we have to work with, Hewkii may possess all of these strengths, because he has dimensionality if we allow him to have it. Whether canon or not, don't sell your characters short. Let them know adversity and misery. Let them know anger and resentment. Let them laugh and love. Most importantly, let them live and breathe.I've been told to never go to shopping at the supermarket when I'm hungry. There were some good examples of why not to review something when I'm hungry sprinkled through this critique. And while you may find them distracting or annoying, I like my reviews to feel natural, to let the ideas come and the words flow, much like my writing at times. On the flipside of my earlier statement, sometimes life imitates art. More to the point, I want to remind you that much of my criticism could be applied to larger short stories (and epics as well) in terms of description, characterization, and dialogue. I would recommend keeping my advice near the forefront of your mind next time you're writing (whether on BZP or elsewhere), though that's the typical bias of a critic talking. While we can't demand a writer hear us out, we would hope those who make a request from us choose to keep an open mind about our suggestions. Obviously, after everything I've said, it should come as no surprise that I wasn't too impressed with much of this story, though the second act came with more reward than the first. I'm sure you know that writing improvement is not an overnight process, so take some time to focus on your "weak areas." I understand that you're an Ambage member now, so it would be wise to utilize that group as an outlet for your writing improvement. Best of luck.-Ced

"Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?" -The Eagles Episode 13: Inevitable Showdown Leaving Valantru was easy. As teams of Toa and many individual ones from multiple lands said their farewells, walking onboard an airship had been all too simple. There was no need to employ any stealth; the Toa were far too preoccupied with recounting their victory. Each League soldier's defeat was a different story to be told and while they aren't nearly as annoying as Turaga, most Toa love to tell stories. We got comfortable in our seats and I stared out the window, catching a couple bright fireworks detonate over Valantru. It was still hard to believe Pridak's plan had failed…that their reign was over. I could only hope they would learn of Takadox's treachery at some point. "This changes everything, Rovaius," Trylac said quietly. "Perhaps we should reassess things now that the League is over. The Brotherhood of Makuta will surely hunt down any remaining troops of the Barraki." Rovaius shook his head. "This changes nothing. We were private agents yesterday, with no military allies beyond those that could offer us transport. We didn't hide from Toa or the Brotherhood under Pridak and I won't hide from them now. A couple dozen Toa loaded up on the ship, taking their seats around us. I could hear Rovaius and Stalgrax speaking with a couple of them, but I wasn't terribly interested. With as many Toa onboard the airship as there were, I assumed getting in a few more hours of sleep wouldn't hurt. As I told Trylac on the way to Artakha, my body hadn't yet become accustomed to exhausting so much energy in frequent thefts and gunfights. I enjoyed my sleep that day, quietly dreaming of being a rancher. I would never return to that line of work, but after you've killed enough biomechs, wishing for a simple life manages to haunt you now and again. My dream that afternoon was of a peaceful morning, where Boomer the Hapaka managed to find me and started barking happily at me. "Always so lively, aren't you?" I chuckled. Hapaka continued to bark, circling me a couple times. I narrowed my eyes in concern on Boomer for a second though. Something was wrong. He was barking, yes, but I could almost hear real words. No…just one word. "Adrinor!" I awoke in terror to the sound of alarms and immediately realized gravity was pushing me at an angle. I was on the floor, staring up at a frantic Elendra and the hand she was offering me. I tried to accept, but the pounding pain in my head stopped me short. "We need to jump!" It was Trylac's voice, but I couldn't tell where it came from. I forced myself to my feet, gaining as much balance as I could. I picked up my rifle and glanced over my shoulder. A decent chunk of the airship was gone and, more disturbing, the corpses of a few Toa I saw boarding the ship were strewn about the cabin. There were pieces from a couple others littered across the floor as well. "Enjoy your connecting flight!" I turned toward the front of the ship, finding a jet black, male Vortixx crawling on the floor. He had suffered a shot to the head (probably from Elendra) and his eyes were a vacant gray. Her shot must've severed the visual receptor connection, effectively blinding him. Not that he needed his sight anyway - a fact I took into consideration when I noticed the detonator in his left hand. From the instant I spotted him to the moment he hit the trigger, there were maybe a few seconds to comprehend what was happening. Even Elendra didn't react quickly enough. She fired just as the Vortixx pushed the detonator. That was followed by an explosion and then…unconsciousness. When I finally came to, I was face down in the grass. The headache had passed, but I was definitely sore. Brushing myself off, I did a full turn to try and figure out where I was. I couldn't discern the location, but it was beautiful. I was standing in a large grove where round, violet fruits were growing on the trees. The grass was a vivid green and the tress appeared so full of life. I could also see my rifle had landed on a branch. I awkwardly climbed the tree, inching my way toward the weapon. I grabbed it and leapt back to the ground, checking it for damage. I smiled, once again amazed by how much punishment the laser rifle could take. Putting it on my back, I walked up to a low hanging branch and picked one of the fruits off, weakly sniffing it. It didn't have a scent. "I wonder…" I muttered, taking a small bite like I was a Rahi or something. It was rather bitter, but edible all the same. I tossed the fruit to the ground and started walking, hoping to find a nearby civilization or—at the very least—the gang. The skies were clear, but I could see a dark gray storm rising in the distance. A gentle breeze travelled through the grove with me and I continued to ponder where I was. In the time I had spent with the gang, I had never visited such a place. Even Diroux's "paradise" paled in comparison to what I had seen so far. As I neared the edge of the grove, I could see a small town in a valley just below. Fresh water passed through the town and biomechs went about their day. It was so quaint. "Hey, who are you?" I turned back to the grove and found a young-looking biomech staring at me. He was roughly my height, with cobalt and white armor. He was also dragging a gunblade at his side. I drew my laser rifle on him, taking a couple steps back as I prepared to load a shell. "Keep your weapon down," I said, aimed right at his chest. "Answer my question first," he replied, charging a stream of shadow energy into the gunblade. I blinked a few times in shock, lowering my rifle. "I'm…not from around here. This is Nohtal isn't it?" The shadow energy dissipated from the gunblade and the biomech nodded cautiously. "You came in the airship crash, huh?" I chuckled uncomfortably. "Yeah, it's a long story." I considered telling him that the League of Six Kingdoms had been dissolved the night before, but I decided against it. He'd find out eventually. Everyone would find out eventually. "You should come back with me to town," the Nohtalian suggested. "Have something to eat before you head on your way. We're a hospitable species, I assure you." A powerful burst of lightning energy shot up through the sky, a decent walk from my position. The bolt had come from a wooded area, definitely a signal from Stalgrax. I turned back to the Nohtalian and shook my head. "I have to be going." I took off down the hillside, hurrying for the small forest. A beautiful meadow separated me from the trees and I found myself envious that Rovaius and Stalgrax once called Nohtal their home. Through their actions it had become their battleground, their warzone against the law as they fought to live outside of their society's rules. And yet, Nohtal seemed so lush and full of beauty, I doubt I would've traded a life among such scenery for one as an outlaw. Perhaps that was why the two Nohtalians never spoke of home - it was too painful to remember. Rovaius had a lot of mental wounds connected to Nohtal and Trivolox. Part of me wasn't looking forward to our reunion if it would be on such sullen terms. I called out to Stalgrax, catching a glimpse of him between the trees. Taking off headlong through the woods, I navigated the winding path and found Stalgrax standing over a couple slabs of stone placed in the ground. Headstones. I had seen them before, occasionally adorned with flowers. These ones appeared to have been left to crumble, ignored by all but the passing of time. "I tried getting your attention," I said to him, approaching from Stalgrax's left. Stalgrax said nothing in response, staring down at the graves. Burials were apparently customary on Nohtal, since it would be peculiar to lay outlaws to rest otherwise. As he shifted his weight onto his rifle and leaned forward, Stalgrax muttered something indiscernible, something meant for the departed biomechs most likely. "These were your brothers," I said. I felt awkward at stating such an obvious fact. "I'm sorry." "I said I'd come back, you know," Stalgrax said quietly. "I said I'd avenge them. They were my brothers – demons in the dust laid down by their own. It wasn't their time." "I don't think it's up to us to say when our time is coming," I replied. "I think it's already been figured out." Stalgrax forced a chuckle. "Yes. Mata Nui, the silent maker." "You have a beautiful home," I said, trying to change the subject. "I don't think you've ever spoken of this place, to be honest." "We have a complicated history with Nohtal." I whirled around to see Rovaius had snuck up on us, giving the graves a hard stare for a moment. Elendra had been following close behind, glancing my way and giving me a quick scan for visible injuries. Her brief nod translated to "good to see you’re okay." Trylac leapt down from one of the trees, letting his wings allow him to hover for a second. "I couldn't find any other survivors," Trylac said, landing softly. In locating Stalgrax and his fallen friends, I had completely forgotten we all just lived through an airship explosion. In my defense, it wasn't the most interesting event of the week. "What happened on the airship?" I asked, waiting for anyone to respond. Stalgrax laughed. He was always quick to shake off a melancholy mood. "Funny story, now that you mention it. While you were sleeping, a few League loyalists revealed themselves as stowaways on the ship and started killing the Toa onboard. We didn't mind that part too much. We finally realized there was a problem on our hands when they killed the pilots and attempted to blow up the entire craft." "And by attempted, he obviously means succeeded," Elendra muttered. "Of all the islands we had to crash on, it had to be home," Rovaius said. "I hated leaving this place behind last time…all those thousands of years ago. I clearly robbed one too many biomechs, maybe killed one too many as well. "So you know what part of the island we're on?" I asked. "I've journeyed across this island from one end to the other before. Too many times to count, actually. I know exactly where we are," Rovaius said, reassuring me. He turned to Stalgrax. "You think the crafter still lives nearby?" Stalgrax shrugged his shoulders. "Most likely. You think he's still building weapons?" "He was half insane to begin with," Rovaius replied. "Unless one of those weapons blew up in his face, he's still building." Stalgrax grinned. "Then let's pay him a visit." "Where are we going?" Elendra questioned. Stalgrax held up his rifle. "The Nohtalian that designed my weapon used to have a small facility not far from here. He was very skilled in crafting destructive objects and it couldn't hurt to have an extra one on hand." "Does this crafter have a name?" Elendra wondered. "I'd like to know who I'll be killing for a fancy new toy." "I don't think we ever bothered to ask…" Rovaius trailed off, tapping his chin. "I suppose you can ask him when we get there." Our journey to the crafter's facility was brief and I could tell Elendra and Trylac were just as amazed by Nohtal's scenery as I was. For an island not terribly far to the east from Xia, there was no noticeable League presence in the area. While the innate shadow powers of the Nohtalians would have made them ideal soldiers, my run-in with the young biomech in training said enough. Most Nohtalians were hospitable, kind individuals, with no ill will towards others. For such a dark energy coursing through them, it was an ironic nature. The crafter's facility was nothing special. A dark gray block of a building was the most likely place for constructing his weaponry, and a smaller building to the south probably served to hold additional parts. I watched a biomech swiftly dart from the smaller building to the larger one, slamming the door behind him. His hunched posture suggested he was often preoccupied with his work. "There he is," Rovaius said, a grin forming on his face. "He certainly bolted back to his workshop in a hurry," Elendra said, clicking her revolver's hammer back and forth a few times. Stalgrax chuckled. "He believes Mata Nui is inside the sun, watching us. He doesn't like the idea of being watched." "I doubt a bit of reinforced metal is going to stop the Great Spirit from checking in on a crazy Nohtalian if he were interested." "And there's your answer," Rovaius replied. "Crazy Nohtalian." We walked up to the facility and Elendra took an extra step forward, ready to smash through the door. Shooting it open would've been simpler, but she was probably holding back a bit of pent up anger after being blasted out of an airship. "Whenever you're ready, Elendra," Rovaius said, casually waiting with his gunblade held up. Elendra kicked the door down and we cocked our weapons, ready to shoot. What we weren't ready for was company. Not ordinary company either, but Trivolox, a half dozen elite soldiers like the ones on the Midnight, and an armored colossus with far too many specific traits about his form. He was a shapeshifter - a Makuta to be precise. We immediately leapt away from the entrance, catching the sound of multiple blasters being loaded. I scrambled back to the other side of the smaller building and took a deep breath. I sighed. "It's never simple." Listening to my rifle hum, I could tell it was more than ready. I peered out from my cover and fired on the doorway, catching one of the soldiers as he attempted to make his way outside. The laser blast flung him back in, definitely killing him. Rovaius noticed another soldier attempting to rush us, impaling him on his gunblade and kicking him aside. We retreated back a bit more, moving out toward the crafter's homemade proving ground, mostly an expanse of gravel and dirt. One of the soldiers peaked out from behind the wall, only to drop back into cover. Trylac lined up where he thought the biomech's head would be and put a hole in the wall and the soldier in the next second. "Nice shot!" I shouted, reloading my rifle. Stalgrax caught the next two, hitting them with a steady stream of electrical current from his rifle. They dropped and the last soldier came out, hands up in defeat. Elendra was about to put an energy bullet between his eyes, but the Makuta put a stop to that. He grabbed the soldier by the head and slowly disintegrated him apart. "What good is a soldier that lays down his arms?" the Makuta hissed. We pointed our weapons at the Makuta, entirely aware of the danger we were up against. Our numbers had no bearing in the face of this powerful adversary. Even with a few of our best shots, there was nothing saying we'd survive a fight with such a powerful entity. I think we all mentally acknowledged that, but only Rovaius chose to do anything about it. Rovaius turned to us and smiled confidently. "You are my only friends and I know I'm not making an easy request, but I need you to stay out of what's about to happen." He turned back to face the facility and took a few steps forward. "Trivolox! Let's settle this, just you and me! One last showdown!" Trivolox stepped into view and the Nohtalian glanced up at his ally. "I'll handle this alone." The Makuta merely nodded, folding his arms as Trivolox walked forward. We gave the Nohtalians a fair amount of space as they stood across the proving ground from one another, each drawing their gunblades. Charging their weapons with shadow energies, Rovaius and Trivolox slowly began walking in a large circle, keeping the same relative distance from each other. "There's no running away this time," Rovaius growled. Trivolox smirked. "I've been running from you for far too long. I'm ready to end this." The Nohtalians ran at each other, swinging their blades and clashing them together. They continued to swing rapidly like this several more times, unable to land a blow. Trivolox put both hands to his gunblade, shoving Rovaius away. Rovaius leapt backward, summoning an aura of shadow around his open hand. Trivolox opened fire on him, but Rovaius hurled the darkness at his enemy, consuming the bullets and forcing Trivolox to strafe the attack. "Rovaius!" Trivolox yelled angrily, stomping his foot into the earth and sending a shockwave of darkness through the ground. Rovaius dove to the side, watching as a hand of shadow energies leapt from the ground where he had been standing and grasped thin air before exploding. Rovaius got to his feet and focused his power back into his gunblade. This time, he shot a single bullet at Trivolox, infused with intense dark power. A trail of black and violet spiraled through the air, but Trivolox hurled a Kanoka at it, firing on the disk right after. The bullet had traveled beyond where the disk exploded, but was caught in its range of power anyway. The trail vanished, and I assumed the Kanoka carried a teleport ability. Sure enough, I watched the bullet's trail reappear in the sky momentarily before dissipating. Trivolox placed his gunblade on his back, dashing at Rovaius. Rovaius fired five more times, each bullet caught and turned to ash in Trivolox's shadow charged hands. Rovaius swung his gunblade at Trivolox at the last moment, unprepared for his enemy to duck beneath the blade. Trivolox then took Rovaius by the throat and slammed him to the ground with a burst of shadow, knocking the gunblade from Rovaius' grasp. "You cannot hope to win," Trivolox muttered, throwing everything into a mighty swing of his weapon. Rovaius retrieved his gunblade and used both hands to defend against Trivolox's attack, releasing a shockwave of dark energy in the process. Trivolox had a natural resistance to shadow-based attacks, but it was enough to make him take several steps back. Rovaius got to his feet as Trivolox came in for another strike, firing a beam of darkness into the ground where Trivolox stood. The blast sent Trivolox flying, but once Trivolox was airborne, he used the opportunity to hurl a volley of dark energy blasts at Rovaius, assailing him with an attack too wide to evade. Rovaius swung his gunblade over his head at a rapid pace, placing a barrier of darkness around himself as well. The blasts burned into the dirt, but when Trivolox returned to the ground, Rovaius was unscathed. He wasted no time firing several more energy bullets at Trivolox, strafing his position as he went along. Trivolox swung his hand through the air, launching a wave of darkness that disintegrated the bullets and headed for Rovaius. Rovaius swung his own weapon straight through the wave without harm, running for Trivolox. "Hold still!" Trivolox held Rovaius at bay, locking swords with him as their free hands came together and crackled with jet black lightning bolts. I glanced at the Makuta for a moment, seeing how invested he was in the fight. All Makuta possessed the ability to read minds, but everyone knew what Trivolox and Rovaius were thinking. This battle meant everything to them and considering they weren't going to back down, it meant one of them was probably going to die. The Nohtalians disconnected and I watched Trivolox pull back his hand before shoving it forward, causing a thin energy beam to reach across the battlefield. The beam was wrapped in energies of ruby and black shadow, following Rovaius in his evasive maneuvers. I had never seen Rovaius or Stalgrax use the ability before and I considered that it may have been taught to him elsewhere. The beam let up and Rovaius examined the damage, brushing his foot against some of the blackened ground. Rovaius took a few steps back, dropping his gunblade to the dirt. He closed his eyes and remained entirely still, meditating. I knew what he was up to, but I hadn't seen him practice the technique in months. Trivolox chuckled. "Do you surrender? That only makes this easier." Trivolox ran at Rovaius, preparing to rip straight through the Nohtalian with his gunblade. Before that could happen, Rovaius perfectly executed his attack. A burst of black and white lightning bolts emerged from Rovaius' body, bombarding Trivolox with concussive energy. Trivolox tensed up, gripping his gunblade tight and holding his ground. Rovaius picked his weapon back up and charged a shot through his gunblade, shooting his paralyzed adversary in the torso. Trivolox was thrown backwards, landing on his side. Rovaius marched toward him slowly, preparing to finish the battle. "This isn't how it ends," Trivolox muttered, trying to get to his feet. Rovaius charged shadow energies down through his weapon, engulfing the blade in rippling darkness. "This is how it needed to end years ago, when you betrayed your brothers." Trivolox fired several shots at Rovaius without warning, forcing Rovaius to deflect or dodge them immediately. At the same time, Trivolox lunged at Rovaius, cutting into his left arm and kicking him backwards. Trivolox had channeled a great deal of shadow energy into the kick, launching Rovaius across their battlefield. The second Rovaius tried to stand, Trivolox had a burst of darkness headed at him, putting an end to any sneak attacks Rovaius had in mind. Rovaius dropped to the ground, watching his gunblade flip away into the dirt. He desperately crawled toward his weapon, grinding the dirt in his hands as he dragged his body along the ground. Trivolox marched up to him, kicking Rovaius in the face hard enough to roll him onto his back. Rovaius told us not to intervene, but as I watched Trivolox stomp his foot onto my leader's chest and charge his weapon with darkness, it was difficult to remain still. "May Mata Nui have mercy on your spirit, Rovaius," Trivolox said, raising his gunblade into the air. "Farewell." Trivolox swung the sword down toward Rovaius' neck, prepared to take his head right off, and even I didn't expect what came next. "No!" Stalgrax screamed, interrupting Trivolox's finishing blow. Stalgrax fired his rifle straight into Trivolox's chest and dove at the Nohtalian, tackling him to the ground. At the same time, Elendra and Trylac opened fire on the Makuta to prevent any interference on his behalf. Stalgrax punched off Trivolox's right shoulder armor and grabbed his gunblade, shooting the Nohtalian through the neck. It created a sound like crunching metal, but I could see Stalgrax had blasted Trivolox's throat apart, crippling his ability to breathe. As the Nohtalian struggled in vain for air, Stalgrax tore away at his breastplate, ripped out his heartlight and used the gunblade to sever the wires it was connected to. Stalgrax finally smashed the power source against the dirt before carelessly tossing it aside, screaming at Trivolox like a monstrous creature. I suddenly loaded my laser rifle, firing on the Makuta's position while Stalgrax helped Rovaius up. Trylac and Elendra had been doing well at keeping the Makuta at bay with their fire, but we couldn't keep up our assault forever. "We need to get some distance between us and that Makuta!" Rovaius shouted, taking the lead in the opposite direction of the facility. We all sprinted for the distant trees and I shot at the Makuta one more time before placing my full attention on running. Elendra was still firing at him and I glanced back to see the Makuta standing over Trivolox's corpse. He magnetically drew in the Nohtalian's gunblade and pointed in our direction. We were so close to the trees when he lined up the weapon, but one of us was already dead. The Makuta possessed a deadly accuracy ability and he had a clean shot at any one of us. I held my breath as my feet continued to propel me forward, anticipating the next sound. The gunblade fired and instantly, I opened my eyes. An energy bullet went through Stalgrax's head in the next second, causing him to stumble forward and collapse immediately. I barely had time to look, but my short-lived glimpse showed me all I needed to know. The bullet passed right through the center of his head and like Jelveci before him, Stalgrax was gone before he hit the ground. For some reason I thought about my first kill, the Ta-Matoran guard in Marilea. There was a critical difference between the two situations though. This time, I knew the sound of screaming was coming from me. Review

Don't mind at all. Assigned to Tolkien.-Ced

You spelled "morning" wrong. Just kidding, I'm sure it's a tragic sort of story. Anyway, for my final magic trick, I'll be assigning this story to myself and promptly resigning from the SSCC once the review is posted. And *poof*, there you have it. Assigned to Cederak and due October 12. You're so fortunate, Voltex, because you're the last BZPer I get to thank for choosing the SSCC. -Ced

Hope to see you there, Voltex. I'll be hosting all weekend and I have a couple great themes in store.-Ced

Fair enough. And Ambage skype write offs are each Saturday and Sunday usually around 9 PM, EST.-Ced

By Ambage rules though, you're still allowed to log any writing-based activity that qualifies you for achievements as far back as your join date (June 27). Besides, why pass up the chance to see if you're eligible for a Review Token? -Ced

Here's my Ambage achievements.Point Total: 170 Points (Novice Novelist), 1 Review Token-Ced

"What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us?" -Queen Episode 12: Dethroning in Progress I could see more destruction as our ship closed in on the sandy beach. What had been a large Barraki fortress earlier in the day was in pieces and flames. I knew there were a couple more fortresses nearby, but the city of Valantru blocked my view. That's not to say the city was doing well either, considering much of the metropolis was heavily damaged from the day's fighting. Buildings were demolished, burning, ripped apart, and missing whole chunks. If there weren't warriors standing everywhere, I'm sure I could've seen tons of bodies littering the city streets. The ship came aground and we leapt out, frantically running across the sand. "Are we too late!?" Rovaius shouted to a Toa of water. She grinned at him, giving a brief nod. "We got them." Rovaius looked as though he had been shot through the heartlight. "You…you what?" She grabbed him by the shoulders and laughed. "We got them." "Pull yourself together, Rovaius," Elendra cautioned. "What do you mean?" the Toa asked, becoming suspicious of our presence. "I just," Rovaius stammered, "I wanted to be there when it happened." The Toa nodded understandingly, clearly under the assumption that Rovaius wished to see the Barraki defeated. "They're on the beach just north of the city. A Makuta will be sentencing them. You might make it there in time if you hurry." Rovaius bolted for the other side of the beach without a word, forcing the rest of us to take off after him. For several minutes, we ran through crowds of Toa, menacing Rahi, Rahkshi, and robots, making our way closer to the Barraki. Moving through the hordes of biomechs was no simple task and Rovaius had to catch his breath just before we made it to the beach. The stars were already out and I could tell something was happening below the cliff that led down to the shore. "You all right?" I asked Rovaius. "I'll be fine," Rovaius said, taking a few heavy breaths. "I just need to see this. I have to see this." "Okay," I replied, patting him on the shoulder a couple times. "Then let's head down the cliff and check it out." Rovaius shot me a peculiar look. "Have you ever heard of a Cliff Screecher?" I paused trying to think. "Can't say I have. My knowledge of Rahi is pretty much limited to the Southern Continent and Meldio." Rovaius sighed, staring toward the shore pensively. "They're interesting creatures and wicked to their prey. There's an old myth that a Cliff Screecher cannot die." I raised an eyebrow, somewhat baffled. "How is that possible?" "I'm not really sure. I shot one out of the air once…watched it spiral toward the ground…then it swooped back up at the last second. Truth be told, I've never seen one fall dead. The story goes that the creature's soul is housed somewhere else…probably back home. That's where I feel like my soul is anyway - up on a grassy hill in western Nohtal with the spirits of my brothers. They were the brothers Trivolox took from me…the brothers Trivolox took from himself. Our biomechanical forms are merely shells, Adrinor. And my shell…it's a cenotaph, dedicated to a long-dead Rovaius." "A cenotaph…" I reflected. "You sure that's not a bit melodramatic?" "Melodrama is a part of life," Rovaius countered. "I'm not asking you to sympathize or connect with what I'm saying; listening is satisfying enough." Rovaius finally led us down the cliff, marching through the sand. We walked toward the beach where the Barraki were bound in chains beneath the starlit sky, on display for their conquerors. They were on their knees, surrounded in the distance by Exo-Toa machines - mechanical guardians that served the Brotherhood of Makuta. The Barraki were supposed to protect the world and now they were being held accountable for abandoning that duty. We had assumed they would put up a fight for weeks, years even. They fell in a day. A multitude of Toa were standing on the cliff, waiting to see what would happen to the Barraki. Thanks to the blazing ruins that had been fortresses earlier in the day, it was easy to spot a seventh figure standing over the defeated warlords. "Mata Nui…" Trylac muttered, shaking his head as we marched toward the water. We didn't get much further before a few Exo-Toa whirled around, motioning us to halt. Standing alongside a few Toa, there was no getting around these battle mechs without a fight and Rovaius knew it. "I apologize, but we've been asked to create a perimeter around the criminals," a Toa of gravity explained. The Toa of plant life on his right gave us a stern look, his armor dirtied and scratched from the day's trials. "That's fine," Rovaius nodded. "Is there any way we can merely watch? We assisted in this effort, after all." "I suppose," the Toa of gravity replied uncertainly. He glanced at a Toa of fire on his left. "These biomechs aided our victory over the Barraki. Would you mind letting them see the monsters they fought to overthrow?" "Absolutely," the Toa of fire replied, grinning directly at Rovaius. "The day is ours, brother. I would be honored if you were to stand at my side." "The honor is all mine, noble Toa," Rovaius lied, stepping up to fill the gap as the Toa stood aside. Elendra and I came forward as well, while Stalgrax and Trylac were tall enough to survey the scene from above our heads. The Barraki were faced away from us, but I could see their accuser very clearly. Clad in thick armor of obsidian and silver, I could see his jet black cape gently flowing in the wind. His eyes glowed a dark shade of ruby and he wore the unique—presumably one-of-a-kind—Kanohi Kraahkan, the Mask of Shadows. "Your rebellion is over," the Makuta breathed, giving the Barraki a sinister smile. "Your misguided attempt to overthrow the Great Spirit is now history…as are you." The Makuta took a few steps across the wet sand, walking past Barraki Kalmah and Barraki Carapar before stopping at Pridak. "These others I am not familiar with, but you…you I know. Why?" "How does that Makuta know Pridak?" I whispered to Rovaius. "He always said"- Rovaius punched me in the side and I suppressed the pain. I knew Rovaius was right to shut me up the way he did. If the Toa heard me connecting us to the Barraki in some way, there was a strong chance we would be in chains next. "What will happen to us now?" I heard Takadox ask. I glared at him, furious with his treachery. I desperately wanted the Makuta to smash that snake into oblivion, but I was confident that justice would be served to him shortly. As if the Makuta had somehow heard my thoughts, I watched him smack Takadox across the face with so much intensity, the Barraki was thrown backwards, landing jaw first in the sand. "Your every word condemns you," the Makuta growled, his fury likely matching my own. "There is only one possible fate for such traitors." The Exo-Toa began walking toward the Barraki, taking aim at the warlords with their Electro-Rockets. I could hear the Toa on the cliff shouting in disapproval and objecting to an outright execution, given their creed in life. "Are we no better than these warlords!?" the nearby Toa of gravity shouted. "This is a disgrace to our efforts!" the Toa of fire yelled. Judging from the unwavering expression of malice the Makuta directed at the Barraki, it was clear that the protests of the Toa had fallen on deaf audio receptors. Just as the Makuta was preparing to order the Exo-Toa to carry out the executions, everyone on the beach watched as a very tall figure strode up toward the scene. I had never seen anything like him, wearing armor of gold, silver, azure, and carmine, and a face like something out of a terrible nightmare. Rows of sharp, golden teeth bared down on the Makuta, and the orange pair of eyes above those teeth were locked on the startled Rahi-maker as well. "I am Botar," his ancient voice declared. "The Pit calls, and I have come." "What is that thing?" Elendra whispered to Trylac. "I've never seen one in my life," Trylac murmured back. "It looks downright monstrous." "Quite a sentiment, coming from you," Elendra snickered. "You have no rights here," the Makuta told the intruder, suddenly becoming braver as he stared up into the biomech's golden maw. "Begone." Botar grinned, and I could only imagine how terrified this left the Barraki sitting directly below him. "Where there are wrongs, Makuta…I have rights. Stand aside." Whoever this Botar was, he was either working with an authority greater than the Brotherhood, or merely believed this to be true. His form certainly suggested a great degree of strength and I was expecting a battle to break out at any moment. "I will not!" the Makuta shouted defiantly. "These are my prisoners." Botar's smile never left his face as he responded, "Stand aside or share their fate." His tone had become severe, and I could tell he was losing his patience. A few seconds later though, Botar outstretched his hand at the Barraki and a fiery white ring of energy burst into existence around the warlords. Strands of bright, yellow power connected the ring to Botar's hand, and before the Makuta or Exo-Toa could make a move, the Barraki and Botar vanished. In their wake, only the echoes of the Barraki screaming out could be heard faintly over the constant lapping of the waves. It was an eerie sound, made more disturbing by the fact that these powerful entities had been whisked off to their doom. I had no idea where Botar and the Barraki had gone, but I knew deep down that it was a place designed to make them suffer, a place where they would never glimpse the light of day again. The Makuta's sight lingered on the spot where the Barraki had been chained, clearly lost in thought as to where they had gone. Botar had not come as a savior to the warlords—to rescue them from their arrest—but Mata Nui only knew where they could be now. "They're gone," Rovaius muttered, concealing his unease. "They're gone…" "The era of the warmongers is over," the Toa of gravity said with a smile. "Perhaps there is a calm ahead of our world." "Or perhaps Mata Nui has lined up something worse to serve in their place," Trylac suggested gloomily. "Let's head back up the beach," Stalgrax proposed. "We could use some sleep." "I couldn't sleep at a time like this," Rovaius sighed. The Toa of fire laughed and nodded. "Neither could I! Look at what we've accomplished!" I looked at Rovaius and could see his anger, daring him to punch the Toa across the face. The Toa was obviously right though. They had worked with the Makuta to overthrow the Barraki and successfully saw them defeated in a single day. It truly was the end of an era and I wasn't sure if that was for better or worse yet. Rovaius wouldn't sleep that night, but I was exhausted. Failure tends to tire you out more than victory - it wears at your spirit. We camped in the sand—among the countless heroes of the day—where I drifted into a dreamless sleep. There was nothing to dream about that night and no nightmare more terrifying that the one waiting for me when I awoke. I was actually startled awake around dawn by a slow, malicious laugh ringing out through the air. I tilted my head around and watched the Makuta from the night before, standing proudly as he watched the remains of the Barraki fortresses continue to burn. I could also see Toa using their elements in the distance to completely raze the structures. "Just like that!" the Makuta called out gladly. "I will see these castles smashed to dust before I leave." "Good, you're awake," Rovaius noted. I jerked my head in his direction, realizing he had been staring at me. "Were you waiting for me or something?" "Yes, and now we're leaving," Rovaius replied, offering me a hand up. I took it and he tugged me right to my feet. I glanced around seeing Stalgrax, Trylac, and Elendra chatting with some of the nearby Toa. "What are they doing?" I asked. "Learning," Rovaius smirked. "I'm about to do the same. You're welcome to join me." He marched off, heading toward the Makuta. I walked after him, curious as to what he hoped to discover. "Good morning!" Rovaius greeted him, causing the Makuta to glance over his shoulder. When he was aware it wasn't another Toa, the Makuta turned around to address us. I was sure he had heard enough whining over his attempted murders from the night before. "Indeed it is," the Makuta grinned. "It would seem we are finally rid of those annoying little tyrants." "Are the rumors true?" Rovaius inquired. "Did the Barraki really intend to overthrow Mata Nui himself?" The Makuta shook his head in frustration. "They were delusional, Nohtalian. It cannot be done." "Of course not. How would someone become the very seas and skies around us? Providing you believe that Mata Nui exists all around us." "I do," the Makuta acknowledged. "The Barraki dared to believe they were better suited to ruling the whole of the universe, but their treason against Mata Nui could not be tolerated any longer. To threaten the lives of the Great Spirit's creations is one thing, but to threaten our maker is another entirely. Not to mention what a foolish impossibility it is." "I have often been told that nothing is impossible," Rovaius countered. The Makuta seemed taken aback by this, as though Rovaius had uttered something on his mind. "If you two will excuse me, I need some time alone." "Understandable," Rovaius smiled. "A battle campaign is a bit much for a simple Nohtalian to comprehend and I presume you are weary from lack of sleep. I wish you a fine day, Makuta." Rovaius glanced at me, expecting a comment. I awkwardly stared at the Makuta and gulped. "Congratulations on your victory." The Makuta stared back at me, as if studying something that needed a closer look. Finally, he nodded and turned, walking toward the burning ruins. "Go home, both of you. The universe has been returned to the glorious hands of Mata Nui." Rovaius whirled around silently, heading for Valantru. We weren't getting any more of a conversation out of the Makuta, but Rovaius seemed content anyway. I hadn't noticed it much before, but Valantru was almost exclusively a city of skyscrapers. It was a shame it had been so heavily damaged during the day-long battle with the Barraki. As we made our way down the streets, biomechs were cheering and hugging one another. It was an odd sight considering they hadn't done anything with the dead yet. Soldiers of the Barraki made up most of the deceased, but I noticed a few Toa corpses here and there. Looking overhead, airships were flying through downtown Valantru, expediting the process of returning the many warriors to their separate homes. The sun was up and shining, and I envied the Toa. This was their greatest achievement in years and they had succeeded in preserving Mata Nui's place as the ultimate power of the universe. Even I would have to sleep with one eye open at night if Pridak were the new Mata Nui, but that was a pointless thought now. "Ready to go?" Stalgrax slapped me on the back and turned me around. He was standing with a rather uncomfortable Trylac and Elendra at his sides. "What did you find out?" Rovaius asked him. Stalgrax sighed. "The Barraki never saw the attack coming, just like Takadox wanted. They were unorganized and fell to the well thought-out tactics of the Makuta. I can tell you now, if this battle had been fought on Xia, the outcome would have been far different. Pridak would be hanging a shiny black Kanohi from atop his tower right now." "Just one problem," Trylac hissed. "It was fought here, outside Valantru. Pridak and the others were too confident of their ultimate victory to gather on Xia and Takadox's deceptive ploy took them down." "Well, whatever deal he made with the Brotherhood died when Botar warped them away," Elendra assumed. "A fate he entirely deserves…and worse," I muttered. "We should go now. The fortresses are in pieces and the Barraki are gone. I'm actually a little curious if we can continue on like this." "Absolutely," Rovaius assured me. "The Makuta said that Mata Nui is in charge once again, not that his Rahi-making brothers and sisters will be governing the universe from now on. If anything, we're safer now, given that the League's soldiers are arrested, dead, or surrendered. There will always be havens for their kind in places like Stelt, but they are much less troubling now that they have no warlords to work for. The universe is as free as the days before the Barraki and I think we should take advantage of that while we can." "Fair enough," I smirked. "Let's catch a ride on one of these airships and be on our way. I suppose it doesn't really matter where they're going." Rovaius smiled back. "They're all going places with something of value and that's enough for me." Review (Violet Font = direct quote from Bionicle Legends #6: City of the Lost)

To all ECC Critics and Epic Writers:The ECC will be undergoing a change soon that will see my lieutenant director, Hahli Historian, rising to full director position. I have chosen to relegate myself to an advisory position due to some overriding life circumstances (busyness really) for the time being, and will step away completely later this year.What this means for critics: Once the new ECC is in place, TNTOS can begin the new charity cycle the next Saturday and get the ball rolling again. The ECC will also be taking official requests once more, so be ready for that. What this means for writers: Consider the ECC closed until a new topic shows up. You're welcome to PM a critic to review your story personally during this time, but it's their call whether they want to take the task and how much time they estimate it will take them.Thank you all for your patience and understanding at this time, and know that the same competent and reliable team will be there to take new requests when the seventh incarnation of the ECC arrives.Sincerely,Cederak (ECC Director)

Assigned to Zarayna. Thanks for choosing the SSCC. -Ced

Unless otherwise denoted at the top of our opening post, we're always accepting requests. How can we help you?-Ced

Of all the cliffhangery chapters for me to catch back up on this story at, it had to be the cliffhanger ending to Chapter 7. Act 2 is looking good thus far, with Takua handling the aftermath of losing his home and friends - you're exploring that rather nicely. Your Ko-Wahi is excellently described throughout too, hearkening back to that early Bionicle feel you were aiming for. Keep it up, ZOMBI3S.-Ced

That's a real shame you never finished those epics, Phovos. Though I must admit that happens quite often to a lot of people, which has led me to begin reading great work that suddenly stops short. I hope you have the time/motivation to eventually crank out an entire epic one of these days.Now, not to brag or anything, but of my dozen epics or so, I made a point of getting a finished product out to my audience. In recent years, I won't even begin posting an epic to BZP until most (if not all) the work is done in Word docs. Back around 2008-2009, I began a trilogy focusing on a side-character from earlier epics. He was such a favorite of mine that his name remains my username to this day. Regrettably, his trilogy didn't garner a lot of positive feedback (or a lot of any feedback outside one or two readers) and I never started the third and final story. I still have pages of plot detail, chapter titles, and everything on my computer, but with the direction things were headed, I wasn't convinced it would be an epic I would truly enjoy working on. With Cenotaphs wrapping up soon, I'm fairly certain my epic career is coming to an end, despite the fact I've said that after finishing my last few epics. If I were to write another, I think I'd explore the last third of Cederak's trilogy and provide an ending that is detached enough from the first two without completely abandoning all the work. Easier said than done, I suppose. -Ced

The non-linear approach seemed to work best for this story, despite the fact I've never implemented it for any other epic/short story on BZP. Thanks for reading! -Ced

I flipped the coin and we watched it travel up into the air, waiting for the outcome. It was a bit ironic that Elendra was leaving her fate up to a coin with a Calix on it, but I didn't pretend to fully understand why she did what she did. The coin fell to the ground and a silvery Kanohi stared back at us. Elendra clicked the hammer back and forth on her left revolver before scooping up the coin. "Come on then," Elendra said with a smile. "Pridak isn't saving himself." __________________________________________________________ "And take a little walk, when the worst is to come." -Band of Horses Episode 11: Reflections (Prelude to Disaster) History will show that we didn't reach Valantru in time. We drove to the shore late that night and joined up with the captain again, speeding off for the city in our watercraft. It wasn't long after our departure from the region north of Kinatra when Rovaius approached me, nudging my shoulder. "It's been a long day," he said quietly. I stared out at the sky, admiring the colors, brilliant harbingers of the dawn. "The League's armies should be assembled by now. They have no idea how dangerous this game has become." "They've known for a while," Rovaius replied. "That's the thing about games, Adrinor. You don't win them all and sometimes defeat is a heavy price." "Do you think this is a game they can win?" Rovaius shook his head. "There's too many unknowns to speculate one way or the other. Pridak has been playing against the Brotherhood for millennia, but Takadox…that smarmy little creep. I have to imagine Pridak has no idea he's even playing that game." I sighed. "Pretty tricky to win a game you don't know you're playing." Rovaius gave me a nod. "Very true…regrettably." <<<Rovaius: Wander>>> There was a time when Rovaius had no friends. He had always possessed a certain charm that drew others toward him, a sort of unexplainable magnetism that made him approachable. It was by choice that Rovaius lived without friends or allies. To deal with the unbearable solitude of that decision one day, Rovaius considered taking a trip into town, chatting with other Nohtalians and perhaps making a friend or two. He decided instead to attempt the robbery of a small bank, successfully escaping with a sack of money. From that one decision, Rovaius left Nohtal behind for a year, crafting tools on Xia with a male Vortixx whose engineering prowess went unappreciated in his matriarchal society. "Tell me the story again," Zeldren said, watching as Rovaius carefully put the finishing touches on a grenade launcher that unleashed a barrage of tiny mines with every shot. Rovaius narrowed his eyes on the launcher and placed a black safety mask over his face, adjusting his eyes to the bright yellow tint of the protective eye covering. "I must've told you that story one thousand times by now." The Nohtalian triggered the welding tool in his hand and carefully sealed up the remaining edges of the weapon. He shut down the tool and set it aside, placing the safety mask on the worktable afterwards. Rovaius picked up the launcher and held it as if he were about to use it, getting a feel for the weapon. He looked down the sights and nodded. "Another one ready for purchase and shipment." Zeldren extended a hand and took the launcher from him, placing it on the other side of the room. "Come help me with some of these parts, Rovaius. Tell me your story while you do." "Very well then," Rovaius conceded, approaching Zeldren and beginning to sort through crates of parts with him. "It was a cold afternoon when I entered the town of Prolek, greeting a few Nohtalians as I went on my way. I was armed with a sleek new dagger and an energy pistol of similar size. Both weapons seemed very inconspicuous and no one really paid me much attention." Zeldren handed Rovaius a blaster grip and part of a broken rifle stock. "Go set those on the worktable." Rovaius walked the parts over to his station, setting them down against the metallic table. "So I stepped inside Prolek's tiny excuse for a bank and walked up to the first teller that was free. She looked young, like someone who never let go of the naivety of their early years. It was something about her eyes maybe…hard to say why I thought that. I walked up to her with a smile and she asked what she could do for me." Rovaius returned to the crates and grabbed a few more parts from Zeldren, walking them back to the worktable. "I told her that I needed to withdraw some money. Enough to fill one of the sacks I had seen banks quickly and quietly transfer in and out sometimes. I told her that I didn't have any money in their bank and that I wouldn't be in their database as a member." Zeldren dragged over a large chunk of protosteel, leaning it against the crafting table. "You're going to need that for the next project. Be lucky I had a Toa of iron craft it for me." Rovaius glanced at the piece of metal before returning to the crates to search for more parts. "Anyway, the teller looked like she was about to laugh at me. I clearly lacked the confidence required to be taken seriously. Something snapped inside of me in that moment though. I felt very offended by her attitude, especially when she told me to step aside if I didn't have any serious business that day. One of her coworkers was about to speak with her, but I wanted this teller to know how serious my business really was." Zeldren smirked, spinning a laser cutting gun on his finger. "So I immediately cocked and fired the blaster, killing her coworker instantly. It took me a couple more seconds to spin back and kill both of the guards. They were ready for the attack, so I had to empty the blaster just to put them down. At this point, the teller is frantic, screaming her head off. I drop the blaster and hold the dagger at her, demanding this time that she get a sack of money for me. The whole bank is a chaotic mess, everyone panicking, wondering what I'll do next. I'm just standing there patiently, waiting for my money like someone who ordered a shipment of weapons here on Xia." Zeldren laughed, shaking his head casually. "Continue." "I'm staying on guard, charging my shadow energies at low power in case anyone tries anything against me. I had never thought much about pursuing crimes, but I had always been interested in being a fine shot and training my reflexes to be exceptional. But there I was, having just killed three Nohtalians…the first three kills in my life. I think for some biomechs that would be a horrifying concept, but I was pretty calm. I made the choice, I pulled the trigger…I was comfortable with that. The teller came back with my money and by that point, probably just wanted me to leave more than anything else." Rovaius stopped for a moment, picking up the blaster grip on the table, studying it for a moment. "I plunged the dagger into her throat, without saying a word. I had already made up my mind that she chose to make the situation more difficult to begin with. So I killed her. Now, I could've left right then, but I didn't. No, I waited and watched her die. I watched her helpless eyes plead with me, begging to know why I had killed her after she followed my instructions. When she was gone, I left the building, hurling a decent-sized burst of shadow energies inside when I did." "Your cruelty matches that of my superiors, Rovaius. I've said it before, but you would've made a fine Vortixx," Zeldren said, chuckling. "And maybe that's what brought me here," Rovaius replied. "I fled Prolek that day with my money and the hope that I could refine my skill as a thief. I paid for passage to this island, entirely unprepared for the overwhelming fumes of noxious gas in the air upon arrival. I needed a Xian to teach me to craft weapons before I could even start to consider how to pull off a better heist. You were the first Xian willing to teach me." "And I have been honored to see you learn so much so soon," Zeldren said with a smile. "You have crafted a number of high-quality weapons now and I think the time has come for you to graduate." Rovaius frowned. "Have you grown tired of instructing me?" "Over the course of our year together, I have grown very comfortable with the idea of an apprentice. I am passing on my knowledge to another, a sharp-minded foreigner that can do anything if he truly wants it. If you return home to Nohtal to pursue the life of a criminal, I hope you find fulfillment in it. I have always been a second-rate citizen here on Xia beneath the females, but I hope that is never your fate, Rovaius. Never let anyone make you feel like less than what you deserve." "Why are you telling me this?" Rovaius wondered, a look of worried suspicion on his face. Zeldren sighed deeply. "The other day, I received a visitor to my home. I have been chosen to climb the Mountain. Tomorrow." Rovaius' mouth fell open in shock. "Have they…assigned you a partner?" Zeldren nodded. "Her name is Roodaka. I have never met her and I fear she will be quite selfish in her efforts to be victorious. It is a trait all Xian females seem to possess." Rovaius was silent, unable to respond to what he was hearing. "I am very proud of you, Rovaius. As your final assignment, I ask that you craft a weapon for yourself. What you choose is up to you, but ultimately, craft something that you will hold dear for many years to come." Rovaius and Zeldren had both given in to the likelihood that the Vortixx would not be returning from his journey up the Mountain. A team seldom returned as a team and even less often with a lone male victor. "What would you ask me to do…if you didn't come back?" Rovaius asked. Zeldren stared into Rovaius' eyes and grinned. "I would ask you to go home, make some friends. I would think the life of a criminal is much harder alone. Put together a team and maybe someday you can teach others to craft weapons as I have taught you." "Thank you, Zeldren," Rovaius said, nearly overcome by his sadness. "Be brave, my friend," Zeldren replied. "And please, do not attend my scaling of the Mountain. You have a weapon to build." Zeldren departed the crafting chamber alone that night, leaving Rovaius to build in silence. He stood over the table for hours, carving and cutting and burning until the pieces were just as he needed them to be. He crafted the weapon long after Zeldren's climb had concluded, going without sleep to complete his final assignment. By the time Rovaius had finished his weapon, nearly two whole days had passed. Zeldren did not return and Rovaius knew what that meant. Rovaius knew he had enough money to leave on a ship for Nohtal the next day, ready to find a few friends to make the road of a criminal a little less lonely. He picked up his completed gunblade, casually swinging it back and forth a few times. It was agile, powerful, and deadly. In a word, it was beautiful. Placing the weapon on his back, Rovaius left the crafting chamber for the final time, ready to see Nohtal again. Breathing fresh air would be a welcome change from Xia and Rovaius was starting to miss the comfort of Nohtal. It was time to go home. <<<>>> "What do you think could happen if this League situation goes badly?" I asked Stalgrax. "This could escalate into a war that spans months." He stared at me, leaning back against the deck railing. "Or years. The Barraki were crazy to dream this all up. They were crazy to abandon their calling in the first place." We had no idea the League and the Brotherhood were already engaged in battle as we spoke, fighting to the last in and around the city of Valantru. We would see for ourselves though, soon enough. <<<Stalgrax: Princes of the Universe>>> The Rahi were the first to notice something was off. All across the universe, different beasts began to act strangely, as if they could detect a storm on the way. In truth, there were signals in the air and it was Rahi that sensed them first. Odd behaviors in Rahi were being reported for several weeks before they suddenly stopped altogether. After that, it was sapient biomechs that began feeling the effects of a universe calling out to them. Beings on every island were receiving disturbances in their sleep for a number of weeks afterwards, visions of Metru Nui and a voice that most believed to be the Great Spirit himself. In the final night of the mysterious dream messages, Mata Nui requested that every biomech ensure Pridak, Kalmah, Carapar, Mantax, Ehlek, and Takadox reported to the Coliseum in a week's time. Suffice to say, much of the universe planned to attend whatever the Great Spirit had in store. While Rovaius opted to remain on Nohtal with the two more inexperienced members of their gang, Trivolox and Stalgrax planned to use their ill-gotten funds to see history in the making. Stalgrax stared dreamily up at the clouds, taking in the beautiful, sunny afternoon. A few dozen other passengers from lands Stalgrax had never seen were on the transport as well, rocking along with the waves as they journeyed north. "Have you ever been away from home before?" Stalgrax asked his companion. Trivolox took a few deep breaths, trying to maintain his composure. "No." He shut his eyes tight, gripping the handle of the gunblade in his lap as hard as he could. "It'll be worth it in the end," Stalgrax said hopefully. "All the stories about Metru Nui suggest it's an amazing place." "I could care less what it looks like," Trivolox muttered, taking another deep breath. "I think…I'm going to pass out." "Why come with me then?" Stalgrax questioned. "Why subject yourself to this kind of torture if you know seafaring makes you dizzy?" "I'd like to witness history happen," Trivolox replied. "Biomechs are going to talk about this day for centuries to come." The transport passed through the Sea Gate, into the dome that housed Metru Nui. A pair of suns shined down on the grand city and the distant Great Barrier, wispy clouds slowly moving about in the atmosphere. Trivolox and Stalgrax paid close attention as the ship passed Le-Metru, a district bustling with activity and airships. Ahead of that was a fiery sector, filled with factories and furnaces. It was the glorious Ta-Metru, renowned as one of the largest Kanohi suppliers throughout the universe. "I heard a rumor once that Ta-Metru was the first location ever built in this city," Trivolox said, watching their transport approach the docks. "Who told you that?" Stalgrax wondered. "A traveler I met when I was much younger, long before I knew Rovaius." "I wonder who told him that," Stalgrax pondered aloud. "Her, actually," Trivolox corrected. "And I have no idea." The two Nohtalians busily made their way through the warm streets of Ta-Metru, keeping an eye on the Coliseum's location to ensure they were headed the right way. The constant bursts of flames being emitted from the forge towers left Stalgrax and Trivolox in awe. Though their sea travel had taken them up around the north edge of Xia, to stand in a city that appeared far cleaner and safer—yet retaining that sense of industry—was stunning. Nohtal was a realm of unpolluted countryside and natural beauty, devoid of the luxuries of city life. A nearby Telescreen lit up, displaying the kind face of Metru Nui's elder, Turaga Zilnyx. Wearing a teal Noble Zatth, his warm smile showed a kind and empathetic elder. Unfortunately for Metru Nui, pacifistic kindness would not be enough to save it from civil war millennia down the road. "Good afternoon citizens of Metru Nui and visitors to our wonderful city. It is with great pride that we host Mata Nui's planned ceremony in our Coliseum later today, ushering in a new era for the whole of the universe." Stalgrax chuckled. "When he puts it like that, I'd hate to be stuck in one of those forges crafting masks while something like this occurs." The pair of Nohtalians finished their journey to the Coliseum, entering the main plaza where hundreds of biomechs were packed together, loudly chatting with one another. It seemed like the entire universe had gathered for the event, all connected by a wonder in what the Great Spirit had planned. For such an enigmatic entity, notifying everyone was more than a little surprising. It was shocking to the point that most biomechs wouldn't miss the opportunity. Would Mata Nui arrive in a physical form? Would the six individuals requested in attendance receive a commendation? Biomechs wanted answers and Mata Nui would deliver (as he often did) in one way or another. Trivolox stared up at Metru Nui's central tower, so pristine, so beautiful. The glossy silver architecture glistened beneath the city-island's twin suns, like a gem at the heart of the city. The Nohtalians approached the Coliseum entrance, paying an Onu-Matoran at the gate and walking inside the grand foyer. "Hello fellow biomechs, and welcome to the city of Metru Nui!" Turaga Zilnyx greeted through the Coliseum intercom. His face was on every Telescreen in the city, smiling from his position just above the central arena. Matoran crowded the arena seats alongside biomechs of many sapient species. Countless more biomechs stood in the arena itself, clapping, cheering, and conversing as the Turaga got their attention. Trivolox and Stalgrax were near the center of the arena, a fair distance from Zilnyx and his announcement box. Behind him stood six entities waiting to hear why they had been summoned to the city. "In light of this very special event, I have given all city workers the next couple hours off, so that we may all witness this momentous ceremony," the Turaga continued. "Now, I request your silence as I explain the reason for this glorious event." The entire Coliseum was quiet then, awaiting an answer. Surely something great would come from Mata Nui disrupting Rahi and the dreams of biomechs everywhere. "The Great Spirit has made his will clear," Zilnyx began. "The scholars in Ko-Metru have been aware for some time that Mata Nui wished to have public agents act on his behalf in our universe. We are blessed that he would offer us such leaders, and it was through the dreams that I was spoken to by Mata Nui. I understand that many Turaga on many islands received a similar dream, a mission to see to it that our guests of honor were not simply brought here, but crowned the new leaders of our many realms. Without further ado, I present the Great Spirit's chosen entities." The Coliseum applauded as the six beings behind Zilnyx were motioned to stand before the Telescreen video camera. The Turaga tapped one of the biomechs, a white-armored one, on his side and said, "Go ahead. They're your audience now." The white-armored biomech was still for a moment, his chilly blue eyes darting back and forth as he searched for the right words. "Hello. My name is Pridak. I…I don't think I ever imagined this destiny for myself. I was…I have always been a loyal servant of Mata Nui's will…for as long as I can remember. If I am now charged with ruling the universe...then I gladly accept the position." The audience clapped and waited for the next chosen biomech to stand before the screen. This one was armored in crimson, traces of black in his form as well. "My name is Kalmah, and I also gladly accept the position I have been tasked with. I will see to it that the universe is in fine hands under my rule." The process continued relatively the same for Mantax and Carapar, giving their name and a few brief words. When the mysterious green individual took to the screen, he was more curious with the ceremony than the others. "Hello, my name is Ehlek," he said through a breathing apparatus over most of his face. "I am not familiar with the realm of the air breathers, and I must say it is an alien place when all you have ever known is the sea. A week ago, my chief concern was hunting my next meal. Still, I have always had the best interest of my many brothers and sisters in mind, I only wish they could be present for this moment. Regardless, I vow the same best interest in defending our universe from any threat to Mata Nui." The audience erupted into applause once again, and a blue entity walked up this time. Clearly the most nervous of the group, he fought to remain still as he addressed the city. "He-hello. My…my name…my name…is Takadox. The others have expressed…expressed a faith in the Great Spirit…and a promise…to uphold his will. And so…and so, I shall do the same. Thank you." "Well he's definitely not one for public speaking," Stalgrax muttered. "Probably his first time," Trivolox replied, entirely unaware that Takadox's nervousness stemmed from standing near the entity he was charged with keeping tabs on for the Brotherhood. "I'm sure he'll become more comfortable with it." Turaga Zilnyx took to the Telescreens again and smiled out at the crowd. "Once again, I would like to thank you all for attending the announcement of the universe's new rulers. It is clear that they are proud servants of Mata Nui and they will not waver in protecting us. And now I will swear them into their new positions." The Turaga held up a brand new, bright yellow Kanohi Hau and displayed it for the Telescreens. "This Great Hau was crafted by a mask maker here in our grand city. It is the symbol of the Great Spirit himself and will serve as the bond to him during this ritual." Zilnyx held the Kanohi out to the future Barraki and smiled at them. "Place a hand to the mask and repeat my words." The biomechs followed the Turaga's instruction and he began. "I shall honor the will of the Great Spirit, Mata Nui, in word and deed." "I shall honor the will of the Great Spirit, Mata Nui, in word and deed." "I shall place my faith in Mata Nui, so that he may show me the path of truth, valor, justice, and wisdom." "I shall place my faith in Mata Nui, so that he may show me the path of truth, valor, justice, and wisdom." "I am bound to the will of the Great Spirit and shall not disregard his commands, for I am a strong and noble servant." "I am bound to the will of the Great Spirit and shall not disregard his commands, for I am a strong and noble servant." "I shall put the grace and glory of Mata Nui before myself, and put no others before him." "I shall put the grace and glory of Mata Nui before myself, and put no others before him." "I am blessed by Mata Nui and shall live my life in accordance with his virtues." "I am blessed by Mata Nui and shall live my life in accordance with his virtues." "Unity." "Unity." "Duty." "Duty." "Destiny." "Destiny." "I accept the Great Spirit's request and shall follow this path until death or removal separate me from it." "I accept the Great Spirit's request and shall follow this path until death or removal separate me from it." Zilnyx slowly pulled the Kanohi Hau closer to his body, facing the Telescreens again. "This concludes the swearing in of our universe's new rulers. In a moment, they will be departing the Coliseum with several Toa escorts to visit the separate districts of our city and interact with the biomechs they now serve. Please join me in another round of applause for these fine rulers!" "Let's return to the port," Trivolox said, "I've seen exactly what I came for. Mata Nui has made his will clear and those six are now the highest-ranking biomechs in the universe. We can only hope they take their vows seriously." "Would it change anything if they didn't?" Stalgrax asked, nearly drowned out by cheering and applause. "What concern is it of ours that those six might betray the universe?" "I only speak in concern for their lives," Trivolox replied, leading the way out of the Coliseum. "If they abandon their duty, Mata Nui will surely strike them down." "And if he doesn't?" Trivolox thought hard about the question, considering the best response as he moved along. "Mata Nui sees all we do, Stalgrax. If he would allow the new leaders to defy his wishes, if he would let them roam the universe without punishment, then I would lose my faith in Mata Nui. I would probably lose my faith in everything." <<<>>> I had learned to be patient during my time with the gang. How Trylac managed to remain as still as he did during our voyage to Valantru is a true testament to his self-control. I sat near him for a while, never saying a word. He enjoyed silent company the best, something about knowing there was someone to converse with if an important matter arose was comforting to him. Of course, Trylac was seldom the first to speak. It made me question how important he found life—his own or the lives of others—to be. "There's a lot riding on this. Do you have anything to say about it?" I questioned. Trylac smirked. "We're friends, Adrinor. I think you know the answer." <<<Trylac: Empty-Handed>>> Trylac was born on a dark island in the eastern chain of the Southern Islands. Situated near the center of the chain, his home was in perpetual night, constantly overshadowed by a pale blue star that hung in the sky at all times. Since his species was the only sapient life on the island, they named Dectraz after themselves and lived quietly above the dense woods and marshes. The Dectraz made a safe, sturdy home high in the trees, fashioning their work into a network of houses and businesses. They were safe from the beasts that roamed the ground below and the monsters that dwelled within the dark bayous. On an ordinary day, an unexpected visitor came ashore to Dectraz and began searching the shadowy marshlands, capable of fending off the local fauna with his elemental prowess. The Dectraz had heard rumors of such biomechs from earlier visitors, able to unleash bursts of flame, torrents of water, or tornadoes of wind by focusing their mind. They were the chosen entities of Mata Nui's grace, the Toa. Left to fend for themselves in endless night, the Dectraz were jealous of the Toa's standing in the universe and ordered a young hunter to remove the visitor from the island. That hunter was Trylac, and he found the Toa of plasma with little difficulty, quickly introducing himself and explaining why he chose to reveal himself. The Toa had been convinced there were no sentient biomechs living so far south in the universe, but Trylac was clear evidence otherwise. It didn't take much of an argument for the Toa to agree to return to his craft, explaining that he was growing tired of exploring the vastness of the Southern Islands. He missed his home on the Northern Continent, his friends as well. As Trylac asked more and more about what the world in the north was like, what it contained, what it was to live in the light of the Great Spirit, the Dectraz was sold. Trylac reluctantly said farewell to his brethren, expressing his wish of seeing another world beyond the island they knew. Leaving behind his entire life, Trylac journeyed north with the Toa of plasma and was eventually approached about a job offer. The role of a hunter on Dectraz had been given to him through merit and Trylac's new position felt like the first real job he ever had. It even allowed him more exploration of the universe in his first month than Adrinor's first few years with the gang. After a couple hundred years, Trylac could hardly believe it was all coming to such an abrupt end. Axonn and Trylac stood on the beach of the Northern Continent, staring out at neighboring Zakaz as they hurled stones out over the sea. Sunset was on the way, splashing the sky with wisps of deep red. "Why did you join the Hand?" Axonn asked. "The same reason you did," Trylac replied. "I was asked to serve as a judge, jury, and executioner to those that would break the laws of our universe. Someone saw promise in me, just as it was seen in you. I think a lot of us signed on because we were looking for a purpose, something real to hold on to, to feel like we actually make a difference and stand for something." "I think I'd stand for anything now that the Hand has disbanded," Axonn said miserably. Trylac chuckled. "Someone will make you useful again, I'm sure of it." "It's waiting until that time that's going to kill me," Axonn grumbled. "I was never all that good at being idle. You're right though, about wanting to make a difference. It's going to be strange without the company of our fellow operatives." "There's no shame in seeking a purpose, but life goes on. Hydraxon was right to say we were doing this universe more harm than good. Is that the legacy you want to leave behind?" "Hydraxon is wrong!" Axonn growled. "I always had the best interest of our universe in mind…in everything I did for the Hand! For him to say that we're nothing more than pests, well, that didn't sit right with me." "Whether you agree or not, Hydraxon is probably halfway across the universe right now, moving on with his life. We need to do the same." "Let him move on as he chooses," Axonn replied. "I don't need an excuse to uphold the law." "We've been taking the law into our own hands for a while now. We lacked structure, Axonn, but you can't seem to see it." "You're one to talk," Axonn shot back. "I remember your story about capsizing a sailing vessel full of biomechs you knew couldn't swim or fly." "I remember the story too, because I was there!" Trylac yelled. "But unlike you, I wasn't the one making every attempt to argue with the Hand leaders that we haven't outgrown our use! It's over!" "I don't need the Hand," Axonn said bitterly. "Open your eyes," Trylac pleaded. "Look past yourself before you make a huge mistake." "I don't need advice from a bug that crawled out of some slime pit! You were too worthless to give light to and you're still living in your own personal darkness!" Trylac lowered his head angrily. He might've killed someone else for saying that, but Axonn was a close friend. The Dectraz felt nothing but hurt. "Okay then, Axonn. If you want to run off and paint yourself as a hero, I wish you the best. Take your weapon and your mask, because they seem to be the only things you value in this universe." Axonn realized the gravity of the situation too late. As Trylac walked away, Axonn's friendship with him was long gone. "Trylac, wait. I didn't mean"- "I know exactly what you meant," Trylac interrupted, stopping short. "Just know that I really do hope you find some sense of peace out there, wherever you go. If you don't believe that, well…your Kanohi is always a fine second opinion." Axonn stood alone on the beach, watching his former friend storm off. He was as he had been in the beginning, alone in the universe. There was no reason to activate his Kanohi Rode on Trylac - he could hear the truth in his voice all along, unable to believe it. Axonn knew nothing about where he would go next or what he would do with himself, only that he wished to be respected for his power. He had no idea that would take him down the path of a warlord. Axonn released a heavy sigh; the future was calling. <<<>>> We'd spent a long day at sea when Elendra decided to take a seat next to me, watching the waves splash against the side of the hull. I liked the way the light hit the violet of her armor, glittering dark red off of it. "We won you in a coin toss on this one," I said. "I'm glad you came with us though." "Worried you'd need someone to watch your back in a firefight?" Elendra teased. I shook my head. "Worried I'd lose a friend. We're all so close, well…it was a little surprising you were willing to let that go so easily." "I wasn't very keen on saving Pridak, so I let destiny decide for me," Elendra replied. "I know what I value and what I honor and Pridak is in neither category. Don't think I wouldn't have been a little…hurt…to depart." "Leaving the gang though?" I wondered. "Does your revulsion for Pridak run that deep?" "It does," Elendra said calmly, giving me a smirk. "And it's justified too." <<<Elendra: Uprising>>> "Move, Trelban!" Elendra's homeland had seen finer mornings, occupied by an enemy the inhabitants had no chance of stopping. A crackle of lightning sizzled through black clouds, briefly interrupting the sound of the pouring rain. Trelbin had been experiencing floods for a week, and to make matters worse, they were in the process of combating a League invasion fleet. Elendra was pushed forward by an armored guard, shoved into line with her fellow insurrectionists. She was constantly fighting the energy shackles that bound her hands behind her, pulling to no avail. She had killed over a dozen League soldiers that day alone, murdering several in prior skirmishes. Elendra's first kills had been committed centuries earlier, making her something of an outcast among the generally kind-natured Trelbans. It was only a love of her homeland that caused her to start a rebellion against the invading League, unconcerned what would become of her allies once she drove off the armies. She hadn't planned on being arrested, an action that took half a dozen guards to restrain her while they bound her hands. Elendra moved with her fellow Trelbans, carefully eyeing the guards. Some of the rebels were being loaded onto League airships, leaving Elendra to assume they would be imprisoned elsewhere for their crimes. She had watched many of them kill League soldiers, but those who failed to kill anyone were being lined up in the grass, executed by firing squads without remorse. Elendra felt rage inside of her, white hot fury that told her to pull and pull at her restrains until they gave. She pulled her arms away from one another again, feeling as though she might break her arms in the process, severing the energy bond between her shackles. "Hey!" the nearby guard yelled at her. Before he could react, Elendra rushed him, tackling the guard and attempting to reengage the energy bond when her hands were placed around his head, sending a lethal rush of electricity through him. She grabbed his saber then, watching as electricity wrapped up around the blade from her right shackle. Several guards turned their attention to Elendra, unloading their energy blasters on her. She strafed the attack, quickly discovering the electrical charge was rerouting any energy bullet that came close to her. Using this to her advantage, Elendra charged at her attackers, slashing and stabbing the League soldiers. A saber was a last resort weapon, and one they seldom trained with. It wasn't every day they encountered someone who electrified a sword and caused any bullets to go flying in a random direction. Elendra ran for one of the airships, impaling both of the soldiers outside it with ease. She looked up at the entryway to the airship and felt her rage replaced by a slight sense of panic. "You must be the insurrection leader I heard so much about," a figure in the entryway said coolly, his words immediately followed by a rumble of thunder. "You were expecting someone bigger?" Elendra asked, holding firm to her saber. A flash of lightning confirmed Elendra's fears as the biomech grinned down at her. Armed with nothing but a katana at his hip, his black and white armor was inverted in color when the bolt lit up the sky, but she knew the face of Barraki Pridak as well as anyone in society did. "I was expecting your capture to be more difficult," Pridak replied. "The last thing I expected was a female of any kind." "Do you think a female is unable to lead a resistance?" Elendra spat. Pridak chuckled. "To be fair, I just ended yours. Besides, if the Great Spirit wished for females to lead anything, one of them would rule a sixth of the universe right now and I doubt it would be a Trelban." Elendra ran at Pridak, throwing everything she had into a slash at him. Pridak effortlessly evaded the swing, punching her square in the chest and hurling her backwards. She dropped into the muddy grass, still clutching on to her sword. Slowly getting to her feet, she watched the saber recharge with electrical power, prepared for Pridak's next attack. He leapt from the airship, drawing his katana in midair. Elendra blocked the strike, but she hadn't anticipated how much force Pridak would land with. Entirely unaccustomed to wielding a sword, Elendra slashed at Pridak again, receiving a punch to the jaw. Pridak jumped backward, holding his katana out at his opponent. "I have crushed whole islands that dared to fight me. I have the Brotherhood in my hand and enough armies to end you several times. Do not test me." "Test you?" Elendra said with a laugh. "I'd rather kill you!" Elendra ran at him once more, but Pridak merely smirked. At the last second, he swung his katana hard enough to remove the saber from Elendra's grasp, leaving her defenseless. Without missing a beat, Pridak swung back and slashed through part of Elendra's breastplate, cutting into her muscle tissue. She fell in pain as Pridak returned his weapon to its scabbard. "I apologize for that," Pridak said politely. "Are you ready to surrender now, or must I employ further violence to persuade you?" Elendra struggled to her feet, glaring into Pridak's eyes. As soon as her left foot felt sturdy, she threw a punch at the Barraki. He grabbed her hand and twisted her arm back, kicking at her wound. Pridak then reengaged her energy bonds and rolled Elendra onto her back, sitting on her lower torso with his knees and placing a hand around her throat. "Much better," Pridak said, studying her like a muaka would study its prey. "Now, where were we?" He softly ran a clawed finger down the side of Elendra's face, caressing her cheek in his palm, still holding tight to her neck with his other hand. "Let me go!" Elendra growled, struggling for air. She knew that some Trelbans could control their breathing with practice, an art learned through meditation. Elendra had never meditated and she was far too furious to concentrate on something like saving her life as she fought to escape Pridak's grasp. "Soon," Pridak whispered, running a finger over her heartlight, tapping it a few times as the rain drenched her body. "So brilliantly red…like my own. I see a similarity in you and it is my belief that we can assist one another." "You don't have anything I want," Elendra fumed, still trying to escape. "How about a career? You were creative enough to put this insurrection into action, I think you have the ability to be a military advisor. I could use someone like you on Xia to work with newer recruits, acclimating them with the life of a soldier. I want this for you because I find it beneficial to keep friends close and enemies closer. And because I know loyalty can only be bought in this day and age, please, name your price." "Leave Trelbin," Elendra spat. "Spare my homeland and I will serve you." "I cannot do that," Pridak said, smirking as he replied. "Trelbin is of strategic importance to me and the island would make a fine training facility." Elendra laughed mockingly. "One more achievement to parade in the face of your brothers?" "You could say that," Pridak muttered. "The League of Six Kingdoms publicly acts as a single entity, but my fellow Barraki and I take a certain pleasure in flaunting our victories to one another. More to the point, I will not cease my operations on Trelbin to appease you." "Then take your offers to Karzahni," Elendra replied. "They're no good here." Pridak lightly smacked her cheek a couple times before releasing her neck. "I offer you my kindness after you kill my soldiers and you choose to decline? As you wish, Trelban." He rose, brushing himself off as a few guards approached. "Barraki Pridak!" one of the guards shouted, wiping the rain from his face. "The storm is growing worse and we're leaving to transport the prisoners to Xia at your command." "Any word from the other companies across the island?" Pridak asked. "Affirmative," the guard replied. "The remainder of the battalion has a strong foothold on Trelbin, receiving little to no resistance in taking the island. The insurrection in this sector appears to have been an anomaly we hadn't anticipated." Pridak glared at Elendra for a moment and quickly returned his attention to the guard. "I placed you in charge of this campaign because I was convinced you were prepared for anomalies. The fact that I had to come here from Xia, to see with my own eyes that this rebellion was quelled only proves that I misjudged you." He turned to the other guards, holding his glare steady. "Arrest your former superior officer. He is hereby stripped of his rank and shall be treated as a prisoner until further notice." "Barraki Pridak, please," the guard pleaded. "I hadn't considered she would overwhelm my troops like this. Besides, we got her! She's right there and I could kill her right now for you! I've worked hard for this position, for your army! I'll take anything but imprisonment, please!" With blinding speed, Pridak drew his katana from its scabbard and ran the blade through the guard's heartlight, ramming the hilt against the biomech's chest. The guard was in shock and Pridak let him take a few steps back, the katana still inside his body. "Your fear of prison outweighed your fear of me…a foolish mistake. At least you will evade incarceration now, yes?" Pridak asked, retrieving his blade and watching the guard fall dead into the muddy ground. Pridak returned the katana to its scabbard and stared down at the biomech he'd just murdered. "You are relieved of duty, soldier." Pridak was notorious for behavior like that, so the other guards were hardly phased. One of them pointed to Elendra and asked, "What should we do with her?" Pridak laughed over the howling wind. "Ah yes, I had nearly forgotten! Another biomech who refused my goodwill!" His eyes met hers, gazing at her once more like a predator eyes a kill. Pridak then stomped his foot against her head, rendering her unconscious instantly. "Take her onboard with the other prisoners; I have had enough of Trelbin for today." <<<>>> In spite of our best efforts to warn Pridak of Takadox's deception, we failed to reach the Northern Continent in time. It was shortly before dusk when our transport was nearing the city and I could see smoke climbing high into the air, the sound of activity all across the Valantru region. There was no mistaking it was the sight of a warzone earlier in the day. As less and less of the sea separated us from the beach, we couldn't begin to imagine what awaited us at shore. Review

Looks like you'll be giving our new critic Nick Silverpen his first official request. Thank you for choosing the ECC. -Ced

Thank you much. I wanted to approach the contest theme in a way that explored BZPower without taking it too seriously. This was my attempt at straddling that line, so I'm glad you liked it. -Ced