Wyrd Bid Ful Araed

IC: Oh. I see. A form of insanity. At least you do not see fit to inflict it on others, as those that call themselves "God Twins" do. The presence pushing at Illusive's psyche seemed to lessen but did not retreat altogether. Nevertheless. I see no reason why you should balk at the task I have given to you. I am not asking you to talk, I am asking you to hunt. IC: The footprints Era could see were large, belonging to something big or at the very least with big feet. They headed east where the forest grow thicker. If they'd been fleeing eyes in the sky then heading where the trees buried the land beneath them in shadow would give them excellent cover. The dense foliage had a downside though; flying through it would be a nightmare. If this was the Hand of Spiriah, and there was every indication it was, then they would be grounded. No chance of going by air and leaving no traces behind them, not without breaking cover altogether. They might have been on the move but they were leaving a trail behind them

Approved

IC: As Era and Cao reached the source of the smoke, Era's thoughts over the usefulness of her powers became a reality. Some facts were obvious, that a few lumps of wood had been crudely dumped together in a small clearing to make a fire but earth had been thrown over them to extinguish them. A rush job done with whatever had been on hand. Literally to hand, the scoops from the ground around the fire had the marks of fingers in them. The embers not smothered were still giving off grey fumes, and were glowing in the core. It was clear someone had been around here recently, and had left in a hurry. Had probably seen the airship and scarpered. What Era could easily see but Cao could not were the scuff marks at the edges of the clearing. Whoever had set up the fire had been sitting almost as far away from it as they could, which sort of defeated the point of having the fire. Perhaps it was something to keep Rahi away more than it was to give warmth and light to the makers... Whoever had doused the fire had scurried off westward, with the ground heavily disturbed. More than one, and in a hurry IC: Icarax had apparently run out of however much patience he had. Illusive felt the Makuta push into his mind, more directly than his usual broadcasting, a pressure between his eyes. This silence, he asked, Choice or necessity? Do you not speak because you do not want to, or because you cannot? I many of the new breed have defects.

@Federation of Fear: I've already made a few suggestions, so not much more I can say. If you were wanting a way of making it less railroady, perhaps let players choose missions they want to go on, but have certain missions be worth specific "points", for lack of a better word. The more "points" the character earns the more years off their sentence. Gives them an incentive to do things (and do them properly) and means there's more ways out then just trying to kill Brutaka @Flawed: I'm still not sure you've got enough push for players. Your world is very well thought out and clearly lovingly created, but it looks like all the players have to do is wander about looking at the scenery then I wonder how much staying power you'll have. The simulation is supposed to be a testing ground for the budding AI, right? You've got the Introduced Agents but that just sounds like the weather will be getting a bit rough from time to time. Maybe do another email from Soanume (or Heremus, since you hint he has some "constructed foes" in mind) that better describes the sort of challenges and puzzles they have in mind. Oh, and where the profile form mentions powers aren't replicated perfectly, does that mean we could have a Vortixx with fire elemental powers, or a Skakdi with one of the Rahkshi powers?

Approved Sugil has a resistance because he's been exposing himself to light for ages. He's not just turned up with a weakness countered and no explanation in the bio given

No, see, saying that the skirt only vaguely hinders him but then saying that he can push himself to ignore that handicap is kind of the opposite of what I asked for. If he's wearing a skirt that, by virtue of being metal, has no stretch or give in it around his knees than its really really going to hinder his movement. Like, "has trouble running" kind of hindering his movement. Its why people generally didn't wear dresses into battle. Its why I asked for a clear note in the profile about a definite hampering of his ability to get around, more than just the cursory attempt to placate me that you provided. Better edits please Going to have to question that reaction to sunlight, especially given some of the PMs you've sent me. Its one of the big weaknesses for Rahkshi, I'm not entirely comfortable just letting a character not have it by virtue of "because mystery"

OOC: Bleh, sorry for delays. Combination of business and difficulty responding to a character who doesn't speak IC: Still nothing to say? Icarax seemed more intrigued than irritated, I had been informed you were a Rahkshi of means. Of resources and intelligence. You have apparently been able to learn to control the Matoran before any other of kind, I had assumed the simple location of a few strays would not be too daunting a task. IC: As the group meandered about the trees, beginning to drift apart and reform as their own personalities scattered them like the currents in a river, the airship took off behind them. It rose up and up, shrinking away into a dot. And with it went their hopes for the future, their contact with the mysterious organisation testing them, and one of their dearest friends. They were on their own, with the quiet of the forest only emphasising their solitude

Weapon questions answered, so approved Can't really approve a character with no variation. Got to have some idea of what power you actually have @Ghidora: Did you actually make the edits to Fountain? I don't see them @MCGPY: Everyone getting an equal voice is one thing...but when you're in the wrong then you're in the wrong dude. Instead of trying to stall with jokes and strops just accept that you goofed and make the edits

Its less the caravan being cramped that I'm worried about and more the missions becoming unwieldy with too many characters bobbing around trying to do stuff. And that if there's only one team why isn't Brutaka keeping an eye on them all the time. It would be far better to have multiple missions going on at a time, and say "right, these characters are more suited for this mission so they go here, these other ones are better for that mission so they go there". Provides different character dynamics as the teams switch around, means each mission is going to have room for each character to do stuff, and means the whole thing comes across as a lot less railroaded because its no longer a GM saying "You will go here now and do this thing" @Hinga Nui, as I believe I've mentioned before, that intro does not suit the RPG. An intro should give the potential player a feel of what the game itself will be about. Yours makes it look like we're being set up to play around in the Barraki conquests before abruptly switching to completely different event in a completely different area featuring none of the characters you're going to be using. It reads like its come from an entirely different RPG

Last I checked, two knives can't fuse together, so he has a mechanism to hold them. Once again, snakes don't slice themselves when they move. Each blade is overlapping the other one, therefore the sharp edges are all on the outside. Mostly he'd be making a massive amount of noise. Whoa, I don't think the Iron Throne is very relevant in weight/size to a skirt. And the mechanism is not heavy; it just holds the knives and moves them. And before anyone else brings it up, yes, flying would be utterly impossible. The skirt would bend backwards and cut him to shreds. 1. Already I think you're not reading my posts properly because I specifically mentioned the mechanism in my comment. You've got something holding them in place, something gripping them firmly enough that it can swivel them ninety degrees if needed, which means they're going to be stiff. Because otherwise they're not being held in place. 2. Because snakes scales are built into them. Like our fingernails. Its a biological function, not a thing they're dressed in. And since you're trying to use that as a comparison to armour, I'm also going to point out that snakeskin doesn't work that like, its not really a defensive layer. Fountain's skirt wouldn't be snake scales, it would be a tortoise shell: bulky, cumbersome and heavy. 3. According to Fountain's own bio the skirt is made of thousands of swords and blades that he's taken from conquest fused together into a single thing. Thats...pretty much exactly what the Iron Throne is. And that much metal isn't going to be light. Nor is the mechanism, because its got to be tough enough to hold that weight as well, and then to defy gravity and flip them to point outwards. So its got to be tough, and durable and comprised of numerous moving parts so its going to be heavy and awkward So, this Cleaver-Scythe is basically a polearm that can go from being a regular scythe to being a war-scythe at the flick of a switch? Also, if she's part of a group would you prefer they all be approved en masse, or to be approved as they go and just hold on the introductions until you've got them all written up? Eh, as someone who's actually done the whole Historical Re-Enactment thing and worn various types of armour, I feel I should mention that even with mail you kind of need to wear a layer underneath, be it just a leather jack or actual quilted padding as you would with plate. Because otherwise you can get abrasions or even cuts simply from the rubbing and chafing. It might be made of tiny chains with no sharp edges but its still metal and will absolutely take your skin off simply because it can't flex the same way you can. My issue isn't the presence of a mechanism that moves the blades. Lots of tools in the MU have weird little pistons or other moving parts apparently built into them. My problem is that having hundreds of such devices built into a thing around his legs apparently doesn't hinder Fountain's movement unless he's trying to sprint, and not render him incapable of anything more than a hobble like it should Something as simple as cloth to hold the bases and rope to lift the blades would easily suffice. Not necessarily heavy. Um...what? Firstly, you use rope to move the things and its going to have to go on the outside of that skirt, attached to the blades. You stick it inside on the hilts and its just going to pull the skirt up, not flip the blades. And if you're attaching ropes to knives sharp enough to cut the metal skin of MU entities then those ropes aren't going to last long. You'll get maybe one pull out of them before they're hacked up and your whole Rube-Goldberg fashion accessory is ruined. Secondly, if thats all the mechanism for altering the skirt is...how is Fountain controlling it mentally? Sounds like something he'd need to physically do something about. Starting to understand now why I believed you really hadn't actually put much thought into this? For the record, I have similar problems with the updated version of Fountain. How is he moving with that skirt wrapping round his legs? Its metal, it can't stretch, so he's going to have less room to manoeuvre than he would even if he were wearing a ballgown. You're basically sealing his legs up in a cocoon. And if thats supposed to be part of his character, if he's supposed to be some sort of cataphract who can't move to fast but compensates by being able to take the punishment coming his way until he can close the distance, then I want that in writing in his profile

I'm interested in this RPG. Well thats one person at least

The number of problems I have with that skirt only increase the more I think about it. You say they're flexible enough for him to move...How? They're metal knives, they're not known for their bendiness. And especially not when they've got some sort of mechanism designed to hold them in place built around them. How does he not cut himself to bits every time he takes a step? Its not just his ankles at risk like you think, you will notice your knees bend out when you walk. If the blades are sharp enough to cut other Rahkshi, they're sharp enough to take his patellas off. How does he cope with the weight of thing? Rahkshi are strong sure, but wearing the Iron Throne plus the kit to flip the blades around is really going to wear him down, especially when he can never remove it? This looks like another one you haven't quite thought through I'm afraid, and I can't approve

IC: Icarax prowled around Illusive in a tight circle, the blades of his wings making tiny shivering sounds as they rustled with movement. You have proven yourself to be resourceful. Determined. Intelligent. Persistent. Qualities the Makuta seek in their servants. Qualities this school was created to incubate. And since you have demonstrated you are fit for service, then I have a task for you. His march brought him back to facing Illusive, and they met eye to burning eye. You do have a choice to whether you accept this task. But understand that choosing not to do it will undoubtedly result in life becoming very difficult for you. And I know this because I will ensure those difficulties myself. So. Your mission. Going through the archives of Tridax, I discovered that there are few students who should be here, but are not. Some, like Dajoks, have simply gone elsewhere with their creator's permission. Others appear to have vanished. It is mysterious. And I would have you solve these mysteries for me.

So, while trying to rest off a virus the last few days, mind started turning over the basis of an RPG based off the various Lego Space themes, thought I'd put what I've got here see if I could drum up interest, tips and staff. Current working title is "The Moons of Meggido". We are at some point in the far future (dates measured in AFC, After First Contact, to keep it deliberately vague how far) where humanity has spread out among the stars, forming a commonwealth with a few alien species they have run into (most notably the Martians). The large territories and advanced technology they have make them a powerhouse in the galaxy, one of three big players with the other two being the UFOs and the Insectoids. I've got a more in-depth chronicle of events, if you don't care that much just skip past the purple text. Early attempts at exploration beyond Earth's orbit lead to first efforts to colonise Mars. To everyone's surprise, the settlers run into not one but two extraterrestrial species; the native inhabitants (known simply as Martians) and race of invaders (dubbed 'Tharks'). It didn't take humanity long to be drawn into the conflict, and Humans and Martians together drove the Tharks from the planet. With the First Contact War acting as a catalyst to increase technological development, and whole new advancements from Martian science, humans start spreading out into the stars at a greatly accelerated rate, looking for new worlds and new homes. While starting to expand beyond the Sol system, the next alien race encountered is unfortunately another hostile one; the Bugs. The war against them and their horrific biotech drags on until they're finally beaten and driven far from human territory. Other races are encountered, but because of the leaps and bounds humans have made with everything they've been through, they're actually technologically superior to these races and absorb them into the growing Commonwealth. Technically these aliens are citizens with rights equal to any human or martian, but its not unusual to see far flung colonies that don't quite follow those ideals. Xenophobia is a hard habit to drop, more so when you've already had two wars against extratrerrestrials. On that note, the Tharks are back and they've brought friends. A powerful race, the Yuu'Ef, have their own coalition of races, though its very much a case of the Yuu'Ef being in charge. The Tharks joined up in exchange for Yuu'Ef-assisted retribution on mankind. But after a few skirmishes the Yuu'Ef decide that any victory over the Commonwealth would be far too costly, especially when only the pride of one race is at stake. They form a truce and open up diplomatic channels with humanity, the two nations becoming not exactly friends and allies but just neighbours with grudging respect. The age that follows is often thought of a golden age for humans, with further expansions and scientific advancements, and only a few messy secessions of distant colony worlds to mar the times. Which is why things get a little panicky when the Bugs are encountered again. Only they're much different from the last time, their shortened lifespans pushing them through evolution faster. Calling themselves Insectoids they're more humanoid now in appearance and mindset, and no longer want to consume all in their path. They're not interested in another defeat and quickly offer terms of peace. Humanity is wary, but accepts, also not interested in another war. This brings us more or less up to the present day, where a joint venture has been proposed to try and cement the alliances between the three galactic nations. The remote gas giant known as Meggido was colonised centuries back by humanity, with outposts and crude mining operations set up on its five moons (Thutmose, Tiglath-Pileser, Necho, Josiah, Allenby) but was abandoned after it became too high a risk during the Bug War. The Insectoids have made a gesture of goodwill and good faith and offered to help restore human interests in that system. Given that Meggido has picked up six more moons (Schumacher, Watzinger, Fisher, Yadin, Ussishkin, Finkelstein) which could hold many more resources and worthwhile investments, and the risk of attack has now gone, humanity has jumped at the chance. The expedition to the moons of Meggido begins... Hello those of you who read through my verbal outpourings, or to those of you who skipped through it. Long story short, humans have teamed up with a race that used to be enemies but are now trying peace to go explore and colonise the moons of a gas giant called Meggido. Humanity used to have stuff on five of the moons, but it had to be abandoned during the war with those enemies-who-aren't-enemies-any-more. They're interested in taking it back, not to mention seeing whats up on the brand new moons that the planet has stolen during the centuries humanity has been away. The other guys want to cement the peace while probably also setting up their own stuff on the moons. Kind of torn on exactly how I want to the RPG to go. First thought is make it more or less open world, with some sort of central hub on one of the moons and the players heading off to have adventures on the others. But another part of me wants it a bit more tightly-knit and story-focused. Stick to one moon, one permanent base set up on it with one mobile Arachno-Base to go exploring and have away missions. And I did quite like the mechanic the proposed Star Trek RPG over in OTC suggested, where players submit and vote for the stories they want to see, meaning less of a focus on GM characters to drive everything. I dunno, any thoughts and opinions from the community?

The ability to read minds if you want to really helps with that sort of thing Bike doesn't seem OP, so Approved

I think the canon Federation didn't try to run off because Brutaka was right there all the time and its hard to run from a guy who can create portals to anywhere with his mind. And even that didn't stop Spiriah from trying to get out of it. Given that the team of the RPG is going to be split up a lot more, heading out on different missions, Brutaka can't personally watch all of them at once, so you're going to need some other way of keeping them in line. I'd recommend having somewhere they can stop, rest and recharge. Expendable is one thing but there's no sense sending them out exhausted and wounded, because then you just won't get the mission done. A base, mobile or otherwise, would also allow new player characters to have somewhere to hop in that wasn't just in the middle of a mission. With Wasteland, I do think adding in Toa takes something away from the RPG. You introduce one helpful Ga-Toa and suddenly the Queen's stranglehold over water sources is gone. Why worry about trying to eke out a living farming, when here's a Bo-Toa who can magic up all the delicious plants you need. Got a cut and worried it will be infected, and you don't have the gear you need to patch yourself up? Well no problem, here's a Toa with a mask of healing, they'll cure what ails you. At least with Skakdi their elemental powers are limited and they've got no aptitude for Kanohi, which means they've mostly only got their vision powers to rely on, but playing as a Toa seems far too much like putting the game on easy mode

Approved

IC: As Illusive sat eating, his shadow ate as well. Stretched out on the floor behind him it mimicked his movements, spooning shadow gruel with a shadow spoon into its shadow mouth. But was it looking slightly bigger at the moment? A shadow shouldn't be able to put on the pounds, that wasn't how that worked... Then Illusive's shadow reared up behind him like some terrible Kuna bog snake, one hand shooting out to grab its creator. You. You will come with me. The Rahkshi was yanked backwards, into the folds of his own colourless doppelgänger...and emerged in what was now Icarax's office. Everything was still in boxes, either as Tridax's things were packed away or Icarax unloaded his own. You are Illusive. It was not a question. I believe we have things to discuss. IC: The airship jolted a little as it set down, Levitation energies being cut off. They were in a small clearing in a wood of evergreen trees, the tall and spiky foliage filling the air with rich scents, the world around them a collage of greens and browns. A plume of smoke rose in the distance. A village...or trouble? Johmak stepped down from the lowered gangplank, looking around the surroundings. They were unlikely to be ambushed, but it was an old habit and hard to lay aside. "The Forest of Kaam. Last confirmed sighting of the Hand of Spiriah. From here on, you're going to be on your own."

I would question why you would need to list every location. I mean, the whole point of Task Force Fear is that they're not heroes going around solving problems of their own volition, they're crooks and outcasts who've been shanghaied into the job because they're expendable. This RPG would not suit being open world, because if you're giving people the freedom to go wherever they want, in what way are they prisoners? Brutaka can't be everywhere at once so what would be stopping them just not doing any missions? Personally I would stick to having the Locations just be whatever the base for the Federation is, what rooms it has, what means of holding the various members it has, if they have anything to do for leisure time when not on a mission and so on. When you have a mission for the team then describe the area its taking place in, but you just don't need to otherwise. Save your efforts for other things

Approved. I'm going to try and get the rebel group moving onto their quest ASAP, but this virus is just leaving me exhausted all the time, its hard for me to do anything but sleep right now

IC: With no more requests forthcoming in the Gym, Icarax dematerialised, his juggernaut of a form collapsing into immaterial scraps and rags of shadow and flowing away through the cracks and crevices of the Gym. Rail had his way of searching for Illusive, and Icarax had his... IC: Two little words. "We're in". Not even particularly long words. But potentially life changing for the Corpus escapees. Even now they had boarded an airship, bound for the Northern Continent, that Johmak had rushed them to from Malebranche. She had insisted that they leave soon, and that arrangements could be made for Hoto once they reached their destination. Her reasoning was sound, if Hoto was to be left out of the fight without her friends around her, she would be safer a world away from Corpus Rahkshi hidden somewhere under the rule of the relatively mellow Makuta Krika. The feeling of flight in one of the bulbous Matoran airships was far different from Rahkshi flight. In that you always felt your own weight, always felt the fingers of fatigue slowly creeping into your bones. The levitation effects used to float the airship lent an odd weightless sensation to everything, a sort of static charge that made everything feel a bit...bouncier. Johmak was standing on the bridge, watching the plains of Nynrah float away beneath them with her snowflake eyes. She was carrying the Rahkshi away from the island, away from their old lives...hopefully to new lives and not just to pointless deaths...

Approved. And Kylo's right about severing bits of the Gym to use as weapons. Breaking a bit off like Percy did is like splitting an amoeba; the bit you have isn't dead like a toenail clipping, its still living, sentient rock with a habit of eating everything that it touches. Try and use it as a sword staff and its just going to start eating the staff you've stuck it on (and probably you) because you've split it from the mechanisms that normally keep it sated. Its a pretty bad idea, overall

Looks better, approved

I'm with Kray I think. I just get the feeling you need a bit more meat on the bones. For example, when I imagine the carriages I tend to default to a sort of Orient Express aesthetic, all Victorian era opulence...but since its supposed to be a futuristic mag-lev device, would picturing something more like the Japanese bullet trains be more accurate? You say the train was discovered in some newly formed settlement...what settlement? How did word get around about the train once it was discovered? Some RPGs have had IC intros narrated by a character that helps to add info or characterisation to an RPG, have you considered adding one to give interested players more of a feel for what they might expect?

A more traditional rifle, one that can't break down mountains in a few shots, would be acceptable. And if thats the case then those shoulder launchers are fine