Velox

Theme #6: The Village Entry #1: Member Name: Pahrak #0579 Theme: The Village Word Count: 820 Link: Bond of Heresy Entry #2: Member name: SilverglassTheme: The VillageWord-count: 992Link: Remnant Entry #3: Name: Takua Dragonstar7Theme: The VillageWord Count: 652Link: Foundations from Unity Entry #4: --Disqualified Name: Dual MatrixTheme: The VillageWord Count: 1535Link: Through the Gates of Eternity( http://www.bzpower.c...?showtopic=9542 )

Theme #7: The Queens Entry #1: Member Name: Pahrak #5079 Theme: The Queens Words: 790 Link: A Recluse's Dilemma Entry #2: Member Name: Flaredrick: Forgotten One Theme: The Queens Words: 817 Title: Queen of Dawn Entry #3: Member name: Baltarc Theme: The Queens Word count: 600 Link: Scepter

Free toothbrushes are better. (but seriously, awesome song XD)

Oh, dang, I seem to have completely forgotten about the Charity Reviews. >_< I guess we'll just take the rest of this week off, and I'll assign new ones this Wednesday. Really sorry about that (though I'm not sure you guys mind a break =P)--I'll try my best to be more on top of things in the future.

Recently got The Piano Guys 2, by ThePianoGuys. Great CD.

You can create an account by going here on Majhost or here on Brickshelf (or simply click the link on the main page of either site that says "Create a New Account"). If you have any further questions, please make use of the Pictures Topic, where all picture-related questions should go. Question answered; topic closed.

Assigned to Yukiko. And I've reviewed Lonesome Spirits--I'll be posting new Charity Reviews this Wednesday.

Hey there, Tahuaka! I'm here to provide you with a free review, courtesy of the SSCC. I'll start with a few nitpicks and then move on to more general things: His world, or the world in general? And if the latter, how so? *sun It's funny because I recently wrote something very similar, but then had to back-track--I'm not sure how big of a deal it is, but it stood out to me so I'll mention it. It's, a sound reaches his ears (he hears), but he doesn't notice at first, and then he hears it. It's probably just me, but I'd consider changing that to something like "I didn't notice it at first, but when I did it sounded like the anguish of my own spirit." bringing the two sentences together, as well. Which, on that note: "didn't make a lot of actual sense" just sounds too...plain? you could say. I think maybe "realized that wasn't possible" or something would be a bit better. I mention this because, as I'll mention below, I really like the writing of this piece, but this sentence stood out to me as not fitting with the others. Repetition of "but". This sentence was a little jarring--consider rewording. Children are, by definition, small. So this could be "...but a child; a toddler." Personal preference here entirely, but I'm a big fan of how words sound together--the large word "nevertheless" (four syllables) just seems off with the short phrases/sentences right before this ("This one, This one"). Here, I would recommend, the use of "but" or some other shorter word. Repetition of "then this, then that"--I'd make it "...with a look of rage before turning her gaze to the ground again." or something. I'm not sure this was intended, but to me, this sounded like a teenager (or younger). If the character is in fact a teenager, then ignore this. =P Repetition of "ground" I'd combine these: "...to me, her gaze now at the sky." or something. And also the repetition of "now" so close together. ---- With those out of the way, I really enjoyed this story. It was sweet, emotion-filled, and with some great descriptions. In fact, that's really something I must commend you for--your writing style was very enjoyable, and I liked reading all of the descriptions you gave. It's definitely one of the things that drove the story on, as I was able to become engrossed in the setting and story. While the diction was, for the most part, very enjoyable, there were a couple of times when you repeated a few things--mostly just single words (a few of which I pointed out), but also sometimes a few phrases at different parts of the story. Not the biggest issue, but just something to watch out for. There's not really much for me to critique here. I would've liked, perhaps, to have seen more of the narrator's loved one's death through the use of more internal dialogue (his thoughts and everything), but I'm not sure exactly how necessary that is. Perhaps you could have him see flashes of her dead, and how she died--just a thought. This story works well in several ways, as you bring up this seemingly fantasy story, yet without any need to really go into detail of the world. And you have this instantly likable narrator (or at least, instantly sympathetic towards him), who the reader feels for but also grows in respect for with how he treats and wants to comfort the little girl. Overall, this was definitely a well-written story, and I look forward to reading more from you. One final note, though, I'd suggest not centering the story--it makes it easier to read when left-justified. Keep writing!

Ezorov would be my best friend, but I'd consider a lot of people to be very close friends.

Indeed--topics are closed for a reason. Also, any discussion of the Archives should go in one of the related Tracker tickets.

In lieu of the forums being offline, I'm extending the deadline for charity reviews to Friday, May 17th. I'll then just give you guys the rest of the week off until next Wednesday (the 22nd) when I'll assign new charity reviews. =]

The Administration is aware of the issue and is working to resolve it. Please do not continue to post here. Thank you all for your cooperation! Topic closed.

The Administration is aware of the issue and is working to resolve it. Please do not continue to post here. Thank you all for your cooperation! Topic closed.

Assigned to Nuile. And charity reviews for this week: Velox: Lonesome Spirits by Tahuaka Nuile: Through the Mirror by Nick Silverpen Yukiko: Balloon Sky At Night by SkyLandOceAnna Zaxvo: Rinse Cycle by Legolover Dual Matrix: already assigned

Nope, you don't have a review due today because you had an assigned requested review. For this week's charity review, you can do Unpopular, by Nick Silverpen.

Through the Gate of Eternity, reviewed. And this week's charity reviews: Velox: I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to take one more week off. Nuile: Fat and Greasy, by iBrow Yukiko: The Little Elf that Lived in a Pocket, by Tekulo Zaxvo: The House on the Snow, by Tekulo Dual Matrix: exempt due to having an assigned review Due 5/8 as usual. Thanks guys!

Official SSCC Review So to start out, I really liked the idea behind this story. As I'll state below, the beginning especially was powerful to me, and I loved the image there. However, as the story progressed, it seemed to suffer, mostly from awkward wordings and misspellings. My biggest recommendation would be to check the spelling. I pointed out a couple, but most I didn't. As for awkward wordings, I'd just suggest reading over the passages a few times each. For example, the first paragraph was really well-done--it gives a sense of mystery and fascination, and, if possible, some of that tone should be carried throughout the story. Of course not exactly, as that paragraph is a sort of prologue, if you will, but still. Again, I pointed out a few of these passages, but not all of them. Sorry for jumping around here, but going back to the idea behind this story, I thought it was definitely really interesting. I liked how, after Matoro's sacrifice, he was brought here and had a conversation with Death before going on through the gates. Death being personified was also definitely very interesting, and I thought you did a good job with it. The setting, too, was at times slightly confusing (I mention a few specifics, but at other times, too, I found myself being a little confused as to what things looked like, and why they worked how they did, etc.). Overall I definitely enjoyed this, and I think that the main thing, again, would just be the spelling, grammar, and structure mistakes. You've got a great idea here, and I enjoyed seeing that. I'll end with a few specific notes: Technically there's nothing wrong here (except you added a space after "one" before the comma), but I'd recommend restructuring these sentences a bit, as there are quite a lot of commas. Perhaps even replace some of them with periods. It's really just a stylistic choice, and is fine how it is. I only mention it because I really liked this passage--the idea behind it, and the descriptions are just all very well-done--but all the commas did stand out to me. Before both "enormous" and "incredibly", the "a" should be "an"--whenever "a" goes before a vowel, the "a" becomes "an". Also, there should be an "a" added between "of" and "thousand" Several things stood out to me in this passage. First of all, why wouldn't he need his weapons? After reading the ending, he definitely doesn't need them, no, but I don't see any reason why he had to leave them behind. Secondly, I found it hard to believe that Matoro would just be so trusting, especially for something that just sounds so wrong. What's the point of leaving the weapons here? I can understand Matoro being relaxed, and putting his weapons away, but I just felt like he wouldn't leave them behind completely, especially for someone he doesn't know. And, once again, after reading through the whole story, I just couldn't think of a reason why this would be necessary--it's good to show that Matoro trusts him, but Matoro should have a reason to trust him, and he doesn't have to leave his weapons behind, in my opinion. As it is the same person speaking, you do not need the end quotation mark of the line before this one (which you did correctly)--however, you do need the opening quotation mark here before "And". Should be "dead" "it vanished the same way his weapon had." would be better--there's several ways you could re-work this, but "had did" is not correct. The second "an idea" isn't needed. Should be "start"--however, I'd recommend re-wording this sentence. By felt I'm assuming that the gates themselves cannot be seen, but only "felt" which should be made clearer, as well as how exactly he's able to feel them. "their" should be "there", and "uncomprehensible importantness" should be "incomprehensible importance" Should be just "surprise" And thus concludes my review. Keep writing, Dual Matrix, and good luck in any future endeavors.

I'm not sure what you mean. Nuile posted the results of the last contest in this post. There may be a slight delay, but the results will always be posted.

Currently running: SherlockCastleThe Walking DeadHow I Met Your MotherDoctor WhoPerson of InterestCriminal MindsBreaking BadJustifiedNCIS Ended: Sherlock Holmes, starring Jeremy BrettThe Rockford Files, starring James GarnerColumbo, starring Peter FalkLeverageLOSTPrison Break

Assigned to Tolkien. Thank you for choosing the SSCC!

@ Dual Matrix ~ Yeah, that's fine. Just keep in mind that for official reviews, you'll need to give me notice within four days after the review is assigned; for charity reviews, things are less strict so you're fine. Assigned to myself. And assigned to our newest critic, Dual Matrix. Charity Reviews for this week: Velox: Unfortunately I'm going to have to take this week off. Nuile: The Hardest Thing to Hold, by Legolover Yukiko: Attic Treasure, by Velox Zaxvo: Somewhere, by Alex Humva Dual Matrix: Creation, by Ilyusha Blokfase Due 5/1. Thanks guys.

Thanks, guys. Question answered; topic closed.

Basically this. And I hardly ever comment, but I do read most of your blog entries and enjoy doing so--I just don't usually have much to say besides "ooh, this is cool." So yeah, I definitely enjoy the entries, but like you said, I don't really ever have anything to say. =P And yeah, I think having this as a regular thing would be really cool.

Hey guys, let's just all try to calm down. I ask that you all please read the Games & Trivia Rules again, specifically these two sections: If everyone could just keep those in mind, that'd be greatly appreciated. If anyone has any further issues, they are of course free to PM myself or another G&T staff member. So let's get back to the game, shall we? Thanks, guys!

COT stands for the Completely Off-Topic forum. OTC stands for Off-Topic Culture, the newly created forum for non-LEGO creative work (artwork, stories, RPGs, etc.) that were previously simply placed in the COT forum, but now have their own forum.