X-Ray

Chapter 5: The Call On a nice Sunday morning, X-Ray sat in on the back pews of Westside Community Church. Nobody sat beside him, but he wasn’t lonely. He was listening intently to Pastor Raymond Roy’s sermon, leafing through an English Standard Version of the Bible. Nobody, for his part, couldn’t understand the sermon, which was in English, the lingua franca of Fe-Metru being Agori. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to understand. Even though the Bible he held was printed in Agori, he knew he had to keep alert for potential threats to his charge’s safety. “And so,” said the Pastor, “it says in Acts 10:38 that Jesus ‘went about doing good.’ And in 1st John 2:6, it says that whoever professes to live in Christ must ‘walk in the same way in which he walked.’ In light of these verses, we therefore must go about doing good, walking as Jesus did.” After the sermon was over, the worship Pastor, Don Jackson, led the congregation in singing “Be Thou my Vision,” followed by, “It is Well with my Soul.” After that, a few closing comments by Pastor Roy, and then the congregation was dismissed. X-Ray and Nobody managed to navigate the thin crowd to the front door of the small church building. In fact, it wasn’t their own building at all, but a High School whose auditorium the church rented for use by the church. The majority of the fifty-member congregation consisted of human workers and businesspersons, the odd Agori, Glatorian, and MU inhabitant, including Takanuva and Hahli Mahri. Pastor Roy stood at the door of the auditorium, shaking hands with the each person of the small congregation as they left. X-Ray stopped to talk to the Pastor, Nobody at his side. “Yes, I understand why it might be difficult for our Matoran Universe members to partake in communion,” Roy said to X-Ray. “Fortunately, I have consulted Takanuva on the issue, and believe that they will simply be able to absorb energy from the grape juice and the wafers, like they did on the island of Mata Nui.” “I’d be willing to help in any translating,” said X-Ray. “As the aut-” Nobody elbowed X-Ray, whispering to him, “X, don’t tell him!” “Um, as the authoritative person on such matters,” said X-Ray in a sheepish manner, “I hope to be of great aid to the church.” “I’ll take you up on that if we ever need it,” said the Pastor, smiling. “One of our Matoran members, Wendell, intends to travel back to Earth to attend seminary, and then return to start his own church! It is truly a new era in the field of missions.” X-Ray nodded, smiled, and tipped an imaginary hat to the Pastor. “Goodbye, Pastor Roy!” he said. He turned and went out the auditorium’s main door, with Nobody close beside him. “You almost revealed your secret to yet another person,” said Nobody, chiding X-Ray as he had done many times before. “I know I have to keep it quiet,” said X-Ray as the duo walked down the halls of the school, out the doors. X-Ray felt the noticeable shift from the air conditioned school to comfortable breeze of the temperate outdoor environment. “But do you really think a preacher can’t be trusted with something like this?” “He’s a civilian,” said Nobody, “not to mention a human. He’s not supposed to know about you.” “Please,” said X-Ray. “Even if I did manage to let slip that I’m the author, he’d probably think I’m crazy and call 199.” “All the same,” said Nobody, readjusting his hood, “you need to be careful. The Obumbrati is out to get you, remember?” “I know, I know,” said X-Ray, waving off Nobody as they took to the sidewalk. “Relax, Nobody. I can summon forces you’ve never dreamed of to fight for me, and I do hold a first degree black belt in taekwondo.” Nobody grunted, and didn’t reply. As the two of them continued walking, Nobody noticed something different about X-Ray. His usual carefree manner was now subdued and solemn, and his eyepiece burred and buzzed with activity. Nobody could tell that X-Ray was deep in thought. “Okay, I’ll bite,” said Nobody, in perfect lockstep with X-Ray. “What’s on your mind, X?” “Oh, you could tell?” said X-Ray. He cracked a smile, but soon banished and continued, saying, “I was just thinking of the Pastor’s sermon. You know, what he said—” “No, I don’t know,” said Nobody. “Remember, I can’t understand English.” “Right, right,” said X-Ray, “but I heard from him that we should do as Jesus does, because it says so in the Bible.” “And what did this Jesus do?” said Nobody. The sun showed through his transparent armor, creating a bizarre shadow behind him. “He ‘went about doing good,’” said X-Ray. “I’m not entirely sure what that would entail for us, but I have some good ideas.” “Dearest me,” said Nobody. “What’s that big brain of yours cooking up now?” “I was thinking,” said X-Ray, “that with our combined ability, we could endeavor to do good throughout the city! And not just the city, but the entire world! No, not even the world, the entire universe! No, scratch that to, we could do good through the entire plain of existence! Remember how good we worked together during that bank robbery a few days ago? Imagine what we can do when we’re looking for good things to do!” “That’s… certainly ambitious,” said Nobody, slightly puzzled. “But how exactly would you go about being something tantamount to superheroes?” “That’s the fun part!” said X-Ray. “I was thinking that we could, you know, go into business as private detectives or something. Then, with my author powers and brains and your know-how, we could help all sorts of people! Like- like Michael Westen on Burn Notice!” Nobody stopped, stepped in front of X-ray, grabbed him by the shoulders, gave him a good shake, and said, “X-Ray! Listen to yourself! You’re taking inspiration from TV shows for Mata Nui’s sake! Don’t you think that there might be something…” Nobody’s voice trailed off as he cocked his head to one side, like he was listening for something. Then, in a whisper, he said to X-Ray, “Don’t look, but there’s a Matoran in the bus stop across the street watching us with a listening device disguised as a sub sandwich.” X-Ray looked across the street to see a Ko-Matoran sitting in the bus stop, holding a sub sandwich in one hand a newspaper in the other. “I said not to look!” said Nobody, taking X-Ray by the arm and leading him down the sidewalk. X-Ray decided to listen to his friend this time and averted his gaze. Meanwhile, the Ko-Matoran folded up his newspaper, took up his sub sandwich, and walked down the opposite sidewalk parallel to Nobody and X-Ray. “How long has he been following us?” said X-Ray in a whisper to Nobody. “I don’t know,” said Nobody, “I only noticed him just now, but I didn’t see him when we went into and left the church. We’ll try to lose him at the train station.” “How did you notice him, by the way?” said X-Ray as they made their way to the station (they had been headed there anyway in order to get back to their apartment in Westside). “I’m a Toa,” said Nobody, “and my element is Surprise. I can detect when others are attempting to use that element, and I pack plenty of it myself.” “Ah, the element of surprise!” said X-Ray. “I knew I would be able to use that pun from my epic sooner or later!” “Quiet!” said Nobody. The duo walked into the train station, Nobody stealing a glance behind them to confirm that the Ko-Matoran was still following them. He was. They went over to the ticket dispenser, where Nobody punched in their request for two tickets to Westside. After paying their fare, they waited for their train to arrive at the station. They both stood silent in the crowd, not speaking to one another. Then, X-Ray broke the silence by whispering to Nobody, saying, “Nobody, I just had a top rate idea!” “What would that be?” said Nobody, whispering back. “Why not try and capture our tail and bring him back to the OMN for interrogation?” “Such an attempt would be incredibly risky, and I don’t know if we could pull it off, even with my elemental powers.” “Well, why not just scan his mind with your Kanohi Suletu and find out who he’s working for?” “I already tried that!” said Nobody. “His mind’s shielded from mental attack or telepathy, similar to my own training as an agent of the OMN.” “Oh. …Um, Nobody?” “Yes, X-Ray?” “If you’re a Toa, then how is it that you’re also an agent of the OMN?” “I work in a similar function as my more famous compatriot Mazeka. Now, here’s our train!” The train came to a neat stop next to the platform, and its doors opened. “11:30 to Westside, now boarding,” said the prerecorded announcement over the P.A. system. The train was white and streamlined, modeled after Japan’s world famous bullet train. “Kapurkar would have a field day here,” said X-Ray as they boarded the train. He turned to Nobody as they took seats next to each other, and said, “You do know who Kapurkar is, right?” “Yeah, yeah,” said Nobody. “Jalina’s brother, right? Toa of transport and everything? Likes trains?” “Yeah, that’s him,” said X-Ray. He looked back at the doors, and saw the Ko-Matoran who had been following them walk into the train car and take a seat two rows behind them. “Great scot!” said Nobody to X-Ray. “Our tail is sitting two rows behind us!” “I know,” said X-Ray. “The narrator just said so, didn’t he?” “Right, right,” said Nobody. The train started up and sped off down the dark tunnel, heading towards Westside. The train wasn’t particularly crowded, as it was a Sunday and most people had the day off, and thus didn’t need to be commuting anywhere, least of all to the low rent district. But there were still enough people that Nobody was sure he and X-Ray could lose their tail in. After about fifteen minutes, the train arrived at the Westside station. “Now arriving at Westside Station,” said the prerecorded message on the P.A. system. The doors opened, and Nobody and X-Ray got up and walked past the Ko-Matoran, who was still holding his sub sandwich. They then went out through the doors, speedily walking out into the thin crowd. Nobody turned and saw the Ko-Matoran following them, and then turned back to X-Ray, whispering to him, “X-Ray, keep walking around the corner. When we go around the corner, I’m going to phase through the ground and then grab this Matoran. Keep walking casually.” X-Ray nodded and said, “Got it!” He and Nobody kept walking down the street, passing a few… passerby, and then turned a corner. Right on cue, Nobody activated his phasing powers and sunk down into the sidewalk, until he had completely disappeared beneath the pavement. X-Ray kept walking. As he kept walking, the Matoran following them turned the corner as well. He wore a black Noble Huna, and was still holding the ridiculous sub sandwich. Just then, Nobody sprung up out of the ground right behind the Ko-Matoran and grabbed him in a chokehold as soon as he solidified. The Matoran struggled in panic, dropping the sub sandwich he was carrying. X-Ray kept walking casually, glancing behind him to see Nobody whip out a pair of handcuffs and bind the Matoran. Nobody then pushed the Matoran to the ground. X-Ray kept walking casually. Nobody kneeled down and looked the Matoran in the face, and said, “Who are you?” “The first of many!” said the Matoran, spitting out the words, not to mention getting saliva on Nobody’s mask. “Cut off one head, two more will take its place!” He took a deep breath, and then said, “Hail HYDRA!” He then proceeded to hold his breath. Very hard. Nobody was momentarily confused, but he then remembered a scene from a movie he had watched in a theatre a few years before, and then it dawned on him. “X-Ray, come back!” he shouted to his friend. X-Ray, who had been casually walking up until now, turned around and ran back to where Nobody was interrogating the tail. “What is it?” said X-Ray to Nobody. “I think that our man here works for HYDRA,” said Nobody. “Imagine that. HYDRA.” “What makes you think that?” said X-Ray. “Well,” said Nobody, “He just said, ‘Cut off one head, two more will take its place. Hail HYDRA!’ I have a feeling he’s an agent of HYDRA.” “Huh, how about that?” said X-Ray. “Well, I guess you’d better arrest him so that we can haul him off to OMN headquarters.” “…Right!” What neither of them knew was that a dark figure was watching them from a nearby rooftop through a pair of binoculars. Lying prone on the roof top, this shadowy character pulled out his walkie-talkie, and said into it, “This is Mordor to the Shire, the unknown has been captured, over.” The person on the other end said, “Acknowledged, Mordor. What’s going on with Gondor and Rohan?” “Rohan and Gondor have captured the unknown,” the shadowy figure which we will now refer to as Mordor said. Mordor paused, as a bead of sweat dripped down the side of his face and onto his chin. “Should I continue to follow them?” “No,” said the voice on the other end of the radio. “Abort. We know where he lives, so it will now be easier to resume surveillance. Get the Karzahni out of there.” “Roger,” said Mordor. He put his binoculars and radio into his bag, and headed to the other side of the roof, where he hoofed it down the fire escape. The mission, for today at least, was over. What thoughts did he ponder in his mind as he made his way to his escape vehicle? Those thoughts included, There will be no good coming out of this mission, mark my words! and I wish I could get a raise. and I wonder what will happen on tonight’s episode of Once Upon a Time! Such were the thoughts of Mordor.

Chapter 4: Plotting Plotted Plots Far away from Fe-Metru, in a city known as Joisey Nui, there was a not-so-sinister looking office building. This building, called the Swenson Building, was entirely bland and uninteresting. No particularly major companies called it home, and no suspicious incidents had ever attracted the local police there. For these reasons, the Shadowed One had seen fit to rent out the thirty-second through thirty-fifth floors in the fifty story Swenson Building as his base of operations. There, the Obumbrati schemed and plotted their actions, trained their troops, and filed paperwork. The Shadowed One was just coming back from his coffee break. Running an evil cabal of mercenaries could be pretty stressful. Clad in a black suit with a golden tie, He passed by one of his minions, and said to him, “Greetings, Ted.” The minion, a human in a blue suit, returned the salutation. The Shadowed One continued on his way before arriving at his office. He said to his secretary, “Good morning, Thelma. What do we have scheduled for today?” “Well,” said Thelma, “the Chief of Intelligence has a report for you about the situation in Fe-Metru, the board has a meeting scheduled with you at 3 o’clock, the building manager wants to speak with you, and the weekly plotting session with your inner circle is at five.” Thelma was an aging Ga-Matoran with a light blue Great Komau, which made it look like she was wearing a large set of nerdy looking glasses. She was the quintessential secretary. “Also,” she said, “Larry from Operations died at the hospital last night.” “Terribly bad news, that is,” said the Shadowed One. “Send his family my full condolences and make the funeral arrangements as stated in his contract.” “Yes sir,” said Thelma as the Shadowed one strode past her and entered his office. The Shadowed One’s office was finely furnished with a mahogany desk and a Dell computer. There were a few pictures on the desk showing him at important points in his life. His and Ancient’s groundbreaking of the Odina base, the first strike against Metru Nui in the Toa-Dark Hunter War, the stag party of his third marriage. He sat down in his overstuffed velvet chair, picked up the receiver of his rotary telephone and dialed a number. After a few minutes of waiting, a voice on the other end of the line said, “Hello?” “Ah, Fredd!” said the Shadowed One. “My secretary informs me that you wish to meet with me. What is it you would like to discuss? I’m sure that we can handle it over the phone.” “I suppose so,” said Fredd, the building manager. “You see, I’ve been getting complaints from other tenants in the building, about guys in riot gear hanging around one of the floors that your company rents. What’s that all about?” “Merely my private security,” said the Shadowed One, who was known to the fire Agori as “Bruce Wolfe.” The Obumbrati was known to Fredd as Wolfe Industries, an engineering and manufacturing company. “As a major contractor to various governments, we must always be on the lookout for burglars and espionage,” said the Shadowed One. This was of course, a lie. The thirty-third floor housed a training center for the soldiers of the Obumbrati, where they were trained in combat. “Alright then, Mr. Wolfe,” said Fredd. “Just make sure that there’s no trouble caused by your men.” “When have I ever given you trouble, old bean?” said the Shadowed One. “Ta ta!” He then hung up the phone. He picked it up again to call Thelma, and said to her, “Thelma, tell Intelligence Chief Grant that I am ready to see her now to hear her report.” “Yes, Mr. One,” said Thelma. “I’ll page here right now.” Another click. A few minutes later, the Shadowed One’s phone rang again, and he answered it. “Yes, Thelma?” he said. “Intelligence Chief Grant is here to see you,” said Thelma. “Go ahead and buzz her in,” said the Shadowed One. There was a buzz, and the door opened, and the Intelligence Chief entered through it. Intelligence Chief Guinevere Grant was a tall, red headed human woman in her mid-thirties, with long, angular cheek bones and a short forehead. She walked like a gymnast, no mean feat in a suit coat and pencil skirt. Her hair was in a single long braid, contrasting against her light but not pale skin. She was carrying a dossier, and a pencil was resting on her left ear. “Ms. Grant!” said the Shadowed One. “It is good to see you!” “The pleasure mine, Mr. One,” said Grant. She took a seat in one of the chairs and opened the dossier. “I have for you a report on the situation in Fe-Metru,” said Grant. “The two beings known as X-Ray and Nobody have recently taken up residence in that city. They were spotted visiting the OMN HQ, and a day later they foiled a bank robbery.” “What is the current status of X-Ray?” said the Shadowed One. “Our last report placed him and Nobody in an apartment in Westside,” said Grant. “Good, good,” said the Shadowed One. “Step up surveillance on them, but try to remain inconspicuous. Once we are certain of when he will be least protected, we shall swoop down and execute the final stroke of our plan.” “May I ask what that would be, sir?” said Grant, cocking her head to one side. “I hoped someone would ask that soon,” said the Shadowed One. “It’s terribly annoying to have to continuously speak in such vague terms. The end of this plan is to kidnap X-Ray and force him to make us the rulers of the world.” “I see, sir,” said Grant. She was used to her boss talking in such grandiose terms. “Shall I inform you of the other things we have learned from our surveillance in Fe-Metru?” “Certainly,” said the Shadowed One. He leaned back in his chair, and said, “Proceed, chief.” “Well, we have identified four possible front companies being used by the OMN,” said Grant. “Bond Shipping, Goldeneye, Inc., Fe-Metru Auto Shop, and Fruit & Loot.” “What are these businesses in business for?” asked the Shadowed One. “I can guess what the Auto Shop and the shipping company is, but what about Goldeneye and Fruit & Boot?” “Fruit & Loot, sir,” said Grant, correcting. “Goldeneye, Inc. is a weapons retailer. Fruit & Loot is a fruit and check cashing store.” “Why in the world would someone want to run a check cashing store out of a fruit stand?” said the Shadowed One. He was greatly puzzled by this revelation. “Not sure,” said Grant. “I once saw a business where divorce lawyer work and iPhone repairs were done out of the same business. At any rate, that particular business is highly suspect, but the majority of our surveillance is on Bond Shipping.” “Yes, yes,” said the Shadowed One. “Shipping companies are often used by both criminal enterprises such as ours and spies to hide smuggled goods and information.” He took the dossier from Grant and flipped through it disinterestedly. “I see that this Bond Shipping seems to deal primarily in foreign antiquities. That is also a common industry for spies and criminals to deal in. Uncertainly valued goods of varying size and weight make it a gold mine for smugglers.” “Indeed, sir,” said Grant. “What is your command on the Fe-Metru situation?” “You are to continue your surveillance,” said the Shadowed One. “As soon as we have finished negotiating Shadow Stealer’s contract, I want him dispatched to abduct X-Ray as soon as you judge him to be at his most vulnerable.” He turned to look Grant in the eye, and said, “Have I made myself clear, Chief Grant?” “Yes, sir,” said Grant. “I’ll begin working on this immediately.” “Very good then,” said the Shadowed One. “You are dismissed. I’ll see you at my weekly plotting session at five.” Grant nodded, took the dossier, and left the room. The Shadowed One’s gaze followed her out of the room, before he glanced down at his wedding ring. It was a gold band with Matoran characters etched into it which read, “Forever Bound, Forever Loved.” He then walked over to his desk, sat down, and rang up Thelma. “Thelma,” he said, “When did you say that I’d be meeting with the board of directors?” “Three, sir,” said Thelma. “And remember, your weekly plotting session with your inner circle is at five.” “I know, I know,” said the Shadowed One. “I’ll get to both on time.” * * * The Shadowed One knew that board meetings were important, but nevertheless found them incredibly droll. He understood that as a board member and majority shareholder of “Wolfe Industries,” he had an important part to play in maintaining the company that served as a front for the operations of the Obumbrati. However, the Shadowed One, while an excellent strategist and organizer, was, quite frankly, a terrible leader. He maintained his “Failure Equals Death” (F.E.D.) policy from his days as leader of the Dark Hunters, though most of the missions assigned to underlings up until this point hadn’t been of particularly high enough risk to warrant worry over this detail. Of course, there was that one incident with the gopher and the donuts. The F.E.D. policy was buried in the contract of every member of the Obumbrati, and extended to those that worked at maintaining the illusion that was Wolfe Industries. On the other hand, Wolfe Industries was an extremely elaborate front, having evolved from a mere shell company to being the number seventeen employer in Joisey Nui, and the number thirty-two employer on Spherus Magna. To put it simply, the front had become so elaborate that its concerns warranted the Shadowed One’s attention more than the actual operations of the Obumbrati, which annoyed him to no end. True, he was actually making money to finance the Obumbrati, but it still wasn’t his area of expertise. At the end of the day, the Shadowed One was little more than a particularly devious, not to mention diabolical, thug, presiding over a gang of slightly less devious but equally diabolical thugs. He was a commander, not a businessman. Which is why he relied on Obadiah Stane to help him in this regard. Stane had been hired personally by the Shadowed One to serve as the CEO of Wolfe Industries. For those of you wondering how a deceased character from the Marvel Universe had become CEO of a fictional corporation in a Bionicle fan fiction, the explanation is rather convoluted. In short, the Shadowed One had rescued Stane from certain death while experimenting with an interdimensional travel device, derived from the gun used in Portal 2 and a Kanohi Olmak. Stane had just been defeated by Iron Man at the end of a series of events we know as the film Iron Man. He was about to be completely destroyed when our good friend the Shadowed One swooped in and fired a portal below Stane’s falling body, transporting him onto the Shadowed One’s ship. After that little escapade, Stane had become a staunch member of the Shadowed One’s staff, serving as CEO of Wolfe Industries and Chief of Finances at the Obumbrati. Of course, the Shadowed One knew better than to trust Stane, who he saw as little more than a fool and a pawn, because he had, after all, betrayed Tony Stark, and therefore might betray him. He had thought the same of the late Nidhiki; nobody trusts a traitor. “TSO!” shouted Stane from where he was standing over by the water cooler. He went to greet the Shadowed One with a firm handshake. “About time you got here. The board’s simmering like a steak on the grill, and I’d wager they’d be even madder still if they found out they were helping to hide an evil cabal.” “Not so loud, Stane!” said the Shadowed One as he rolled his eyes. Stane’s normally bald head was hidden by a well crafted brown wig, and his white beard had been long since shaved off. Stane, in order to avoid attention, not to mention extradition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, had adopted the Obubrati-provided alias of “Stefan Smythe.” Clad in a white suit and dorky looking glasses, the oval shaped man with a roundish head entered the conference room with the Shadowed One. Thus, the meeting began. Just when the Shadowed One could barely stand to hear anymore of Stane’s blathering of stocks, profits, employment benefits and whatnot, the meeting adjourned. Stane flashed his best salesman’s smile, greeting all of the board members as they filed out of the room. “See you all next quarter!” he said, no disguise able to hide his trademark joviality. Stane glanced over at where the Shadowed One was asleep in his chair, and walked over to him, saying, “TSO? Hello? Time to wake up, boss!” The Shadowed One awoke with a start, saying, “Send Lurker to get his head.” He blinked hard, and then saw Stane standing before him, and said, “Oh. Stane. Sorry about that, I’ve been nodding off a lot lately. I don’t sleep very well these days.” Stane smiled and patted the Shadowed One on the back, saying, “Well, I understand, what with you running a shadowy cabal unrelated to this humble front company, but you know what they say! ‘You… I mean, it…” Stane searched for some words of wisdom or proverb or axiom that would illustrate a point he wasn’t really sure he understood. He drew a blank. “Ah, never mind what they say!” said Stane as the Shadowed One got out of his chair. “What do you say, huh? What do you say?” The Shadowed One said, “I say…” he glanced at his watch. Four fifty-one P.M., it read. “I’m going to be late!” he said, dashing out of the conference room, leaving a bemused Stane behind him. The Shadowed One bolted over to the elevator and pressed the down button, taking him from the thirty-fifth to the thirty-fourth floor of the Swenson Building, taking him to the floor on which his Plotting Room was located. He ran all the way down the halls, a difficult task to accomplish in a bipedal being with an awkwardly proportioned tail. He scrambled past surprised looking underlings in business suits, getting ready to get off work as the time neared five o’clock. Finally, the Shadowed One arrived at the plotting room, a windowless door marked “Private Conference Room.” guarded by female black Skakdi. “Hello, Delilah,” said the Shadowed One. “I’m here for the weekly plotting session.” “You know the drill, boss,” said Delilah in her usual gruff demeanor. The Shadowed One went up to the door, and knocked the secret knock. A regular knock, followed by three fast knocks, followed by five slow knocks. The sign on the door flipped open to reveal a slot, through which a pair of eyes peered. “What’s the password?” said the person on the other end of the door. “Richard of York gave battle in vain,” said the Shadowed One. The door was then opened, and the Shadowed One stepped into the darkened room. Inside of the dark room, was, of course, darkness. The Shadowed One felt his way over to the dimly lit conference table, and sat at the table’s head. He looked at the other persons seated around the table. Guinevere Grant, his Chief of Intelligence; Ancient, his Chief of Personnel, and Keeper of the Door; Barraki Pridak, a trusted collaborator; Branar, head of a group of Skrall; Kilgore, chief of a tribe of Frostelus; and finally, Justin Bieber, who was not only the most vicious, feared, and hated personage to grace the internet, but was also a pop star. Together with the Shadowed One himself, they were the Shadowed Seven. The Shadowed One folded his hands, and said, “Gentlemen, lady, I am pleased to announce that our plan for world domination is on the verge of coming to fruition. Our lovely Chief of Intelligence, Ms. Grant, has recently informed me of X-Ray’s activities in Fe-Metru. Ms. Grant?” As Grant began to fill in the others on the situation in Fe-Metru, the Shadowed One glanced around the long table. Pridak was looking handsome as ever, what with his and the other Barraki’s post-cured state, and seemed absolutely diabolical tapping his fingers together. Kilgore was sitting uncomfortably in his chair, probably stuck in it. Ancient wasn’t standing at all, as the blue and gold being’s simian anatomy made sitting in chairs designed for humans difficult. Branar sat in his chair comfortably, eating from a bag of caramel covered popcorn. Bieber was stroking a white cat, and practicing his evil laugh in his perpetually pre-pubescent voice. “...and so we’ll send in Shadow Stealer to abduct X-Ray once we’ve determined when he will be most vulnerable,” said Grant, finishing. “Thank you, Ms. Grant,” said the Shadowed One. He turned to Bieber, and said, “Mr. Bieber, how goes your recruiting drive?” “TSO, dude,” said Bieber, “I’ve got a million bloodthirsty fan girls just waiting to do anything they want for me. We’ve already got an unstoppable army which I can unleash at any time.” “Excellent,” said the Shadowed One. He looked at Pridak and said, “Mr. Pridak, I assume that you and Mr. Kalamah are ready to take command of Mr. Bieber’s army should the need arise?” “I have yet to see one soldier of this supposedly invincible army,” said Pridak. “I refuse to fight a battle without properly ascertaining the state of my forces first.” “I understand,” said the Shadowed One. He turned back to Bieber and said, “Mr. Bieber, how soon can you deploy a platoon of your fan girls for training by Pridak?” “Like, will forty-eight hours be quick enough?” said Bieber. “By the way, how many people are in a platoon?” “Forty-two, by the United States Army’s standards,” said Pridak. “Just get them to me and I’ll whip them into fighting shape.” “Very good then,” said the Shadowed One. He then said, “You may want to collaborate with Chief of Personnel Ancient on that.” He then turned to Ancient, and said, “Speaking of which, how goes the negotiations with Shadow Stealer, Ancient?” “Not well, sir,” said Ancient, shaking his head. “He insists on speaking to you personally, and keeps disarming all of the representatives we send to him… literally.” “I’ll make an appointment with him,” said the Shadowed One. “Ask him if there are any other requirements for meeting with him. If not, then tell him I will meet him at a motel in New Atero… two weeks from now. Capisce?” “Capsice,” said Ancient, kneeling down on the floor heavily. He was a very tired out guy. “Is there any other order of business to attend to?” asked the Shadowed One. When no one said anything, he then said, “Very good then. Let us now indulge in maniacal laughter, and then play the anthem of the Obumbrati.” All of the people around the table started laughing as evilly as they could, ranging from the soft cackling of Bieber to Pridak’s great belly laugh. Finally, when they were all finished, the Shadowed One said, “And now, the anthem,” said the Shadowed One. They all stood while the Shadowed One pushed a button on the table, which played a recording of “Bad to the Bone” by George Thorogood and the Destroyers (that is the band’s real name). After that, they all shook hands and parted ways, exiting the Plotting Room one at a time. The Shadowed One slipped off to the water cooler, and pulled out a cell phone. He dialed a number and waited for the person the other line to pick up. Finally, a voice on the other end of the line said, “Hello?” “Hi, sweetie,” said the Shadowed One. “Just wanted to call to let you know I miss you.” “I miss you too, daddy,” said the young, female voice on the other end of the line. “I can’t wait to come to our new home.” “Oh, you’ll love our new home,” said the Shadowed One. “I’ve got us a nice penthouse, and there’s a park, and stores, and all sorts of other fun stuff for you to do. You’ll love it in Joisey Nui. You’ll be coming home very soon, I promise. The man that will take you there will arrive in just a few days.” “I love you, daddy,” she said. “I love you too, Maria,” said the Shadowed One. He glanced over to where Pridak was waiting to speak with him. “I have to go now, but I’ll call you later,” he said. “Goodbye.” “Bye,” said Maria. There was a click on the other end of the line, and the Shadowed One put his phone back in his inner suit coat pocket. He then turned to Pridak and said, “What can I do for you, Pridak?” “I just wanted to make sure,” said Pridak, “that you know what you’re getting yourself into. I mean, I understand if it means us taking over the world, but I’m not completely convinced of using crazed fan girls, bloodthirsty or not, as soldiers. I want effective troops, but I also want mentally stable troops.” “Rest assured, old friend,” said the Shadowed One, patting Pridak on the shoulder. “I wouldn’t send you anything but the best. And trust me, what these fan girls lack in skill they will make up for in unwavering obedience and fanatical drive. And besides, I wouldn’t have made you my general if I knew you couldn’t marshal an invincible army out of teenage girls.” “I’ll see what I can do,” said Pridak. He then went to leave, saying, “I’m going to get a drink.” “Oh, wait up!” said the Shadowed One, running to catch up with Pridak. “I know this pub which serves this heavenly root beer.” Pridak looked at him, and said, “Yeah… right, right, root beer. Bottoms up, I guess.” Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Ancient talked into his own cell phone. “Yeah, he’s recruiting Shadow Stealer,” he said into the phone. “We still don’t know when he’ll make his move, but it won’t be long now. Also, he’s working with Justin Bieber and Pridak to assemble an army of crazed fan girls. … Uh huh. Roger that. I’ll report as details happen. … Right. Goodbye.”

Chapter 3: Journey to the Center of the Low Rent District Nobody and X-Ray followed Thomob out of the building, going down fifty-nine flights of stairs to the ground floor, where they coalesced with the other inhabitants of the EB in the tower’s parking lot. Maxilos robots herded the crowd away from the building. The crowd of beings, mostly bureaucrats and paper pushers in dress shirts and ties over armor, gabbled like gukko birds. “-just in time for summer break.” “My feet are killing me.” “-finally found an effective diet.” “I’m telling you, Rob, I believe that Elvis is alive!” In the midst of all this, Nobody and X-Ray stood with Thomob in the middle of the parking lot, waiting for the fire department to arrive. Fortunately, the fire department managed to arrive in a timely manner. The big, red fire engine, manned by Sarda, Kiina, who was the fire chief, and several others in the gang of yahoos who made up the Fe-Metru Volunteer Fire Department, plus Spinax. They raced along, lights flashing and sirens blaring, pulling up to the firelane. Sarda was being comically dragged along by Spinax, who was almost as big and heavy as the hapless Ta-Matoran. The energy hound was full of himself, as usual (get it? The energy hound was full of himself, meaning he was full of energy? Get it?). Kiina, decked out in her firefighter gear, shouted, “Wahoo! Alright boys, let’s find that fire and fight it! Wahoo!” X-Ray whispered to Nobody, “It’s just an overheated microwave in the lunch room. Hardly something to write home about.” “And yet the fire department came,” said Nobody, observing the firefighters dash into the building, while Spinax helped Sarda secure the fire hydrant. Eventually, it was determined that there was no cause for alarm, despite the fire alarms going off, and a certain chubby fellow in a bowtie was warned not to leave his popcorn unattended in the microwave, and to always follow the instructions on the bag. Once Kiina had finished chewing out Rob, she looked up to the sky and said, “Hey, human-face! You just called me and my boys a bunch of yahoos!” She then paused, before muttering to herself, “I can’t believe I’m talking to the author.” X-Ray was about to call Kiina to inform her of his status as the author, when Nobody clamped a hand over his mouth. As X-Ray was about to object, Thomob said to him, “Well, now that this little escapade is over, we will go back to my office to complete your debriefing.” X-Ray nodded, and returned Nobody, Thomob, and the rest of the crowd into the EB. Once they had finally returned to Thomob’s office, Thomob said to X-Ray, “As the author, you are in great danger. It is therefore imperative that you not draw attention to yourself, and thus put yourself in even more danger.” “What would you have me do?” said X-Ray, expertly quoting The Dark Knight. “Endure,” said Thomob, who was almost as nerdy as X-Ray. “Movie quotes aside, you, as the center of the universe, must be careful. I would suggest taking up an inconspicuous lifestyle. We have a job lined up for you if you want it, not to mention an apartment you can share with Nobody.” X-Ray glanced at Nobody, and said, “What is this, ‘job’?” “A movie reviewing gig at the Fe-Metru Register,” said Thomob, adjusting his mask. “We figured you would like something like that.” X-Ray contemplated his navel area for a moment, and then looked up at Thomob and said, “I’m in. When do I start?” Thomob smiled. “Once you’ve chosen to accept the job, you start next week. Show up at the offices of the Fe-Metru Register in three days at 9:00. They’ll brief you on your new employment status.” Nobody said to X-Ray, “X, if being my roomie makes you uncomfortable, then I won’t be offended.” “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Nobody,” said X-Ray, patting the wraith on the shoulder. He stood up out of the Corinthian leather chair, and said to Nobody, “I mean, we’re only sharing an apartment together, and I have a job to keep me busy. How bad could it be?” * * * The next day, after collecting their luggage from the Motel 6 they had previously been staying at, Nobody and X-Ray took the train to Fe-Metru’s low rent district, Westside. They disembarked from the train and walked from there to their new apartment building. Nothing in Fe-Metru was particularly old, as the whole city had been built just over a year ago, but this particular piece of property in the low rent district was just was X-Ray was looking for. It was built in the Metru Nui style, meaning that it was a long, pointy needle of a tower with a few windows crisscrossing the sides like stripes on a shirt. “Here’s our new home,” said X-Ray to Nobody as they came into the building’s lobby. X-Ray observed the shabby interior, in marked contrast to the shiny outside appearance. The carpeting was ugly and disheveled, the furniture was secondhand and grungy, and the front desk had a dust layer an inch high. Even the receptionist, an Onu-Matoran, appeared old and dilapidated. “This place is a dump,” said Nobody, heading over to the front desk. “What was the Deputy Director thinking?” “He probably never even went to this place,” said X-Ray, knocking on the desk. The receptionist, who had been asleep, was suddenly stirred, nearly jumping up out of his chair. “Who what when where why?” he said, confused. “Sir,” said X-Ray to the great Rau wearing Matoran, “We’re here to rent out a room.” “Room 581 is available,” said the Ta-Matoran, handing them a key. “Welcome to Mountridge Square Apartments. Your rent is due at the end of every month, 120 widgets a month.” “Understood,” said X-Ray. He and Nobody went over to the elevator (“At least this place has an elevator,” said Nobody to X-Ray), and ascended to the fifth floor of the nine story building. Upon reaching the fifth floor, they exited the elevator and navigated the hallways to find their room. The carpet in the white painted hallways was just as matted as the carpet in the lobby, and when they finally found their room, the door was covered by a thin layer of filth. “Now do you agree with me?” said Nobody as he put the key in the lock. “I never disagreed with you,” said X-Ray, hefting his laptop case and his suitcase, plus his backpack. Nobody tried to open the door, but it was jammed, and wouldn’t open at first. The appliance of a little force, however, allowed him to force the door open, and the two companions were not at all impressed by what they saw. The room was bare as Lex Luthor’s head, with not an article of furniture in sight. The walls were painted a drab grey, the one window was broken, there was a large dent in the left wall, and on the right wall was a chain of words written in some kind of red ink, probably lipstick, which read, “Who is Jean-Paul Valley?” The floor’s carpet wasn’t as ugly as that of the lobby, but was more so that of the hallway. “Hey, it’s not incredibly bad,” said X-Ray. He walked over to the middle of the room and set down his bags. “If we can pick up a couple of beds, a table, a refrigerator, and some food, we can make this place our own. We also might want to fix that window.” Nobody sighed, and set his lone bag on the floor next to X-Rays. He took his cell phone off of his belt and dialed Thomob’s number. On the third ring, Thomob answered, saying, “Thomob here.” “Thomob?” said Nobody. “This is Nobody. I just wanted to call and tell you that this place you picked out for us is a dump.” “Hey, your rent’s being paid for by government money,” said Thomob. “Once X-Ray gets his job up and running, maybe he’ll get an apartment upgrade.” “But I have to live here too!” said Nobody. “I make enough money to get my own apartment, but I have to be stuck chaperoning the author! What more do you want from me?” “Just relax, Nobody,” said Thomob’s voice from the phone. “Once X-Ray’s financial situation stabilizes, you might be able to get an apartment upgrade. Besides, we’ll be providing some money for you to start off with, but you’re on your own from there. Unless you prefer the safe house in the Black Spike Mountains option…” “No, no!” said Nobody. “I’m sure this will be fine. Just tell us where we can get the money.” “It will be deposited in a bank account in X-Ray’s name at the local branch of Alaska USA,” said Thomob. “Just go down there and get the money. There should be some 5,000 widgets there for your use.” “Okay, thanks,” said Nobody. “We’ll get down there right away. Bye.” He then turned off the phone with a “beep,” and turned to face X-Ray. “X!” said Nobody as he adjusted the taser he had stored on a thigh holster. “We’ve got to go to the bank to get some money, and then we’ve got to go get lunch!” “Righto!” said X-Ray, who had just finished inspecting the bathroom. “Let’s go!” The two had spent the previous night at their Motel 6 room before taking the train down to the low rent district to see their new apartment. They had gotten breakfast from a Chick-Fil-A. So, the duo exited their apartment and, with a little help from X-Ray’s GPS app on his smartphone, found the nearest branch of Alaska USA, which was a short train ride away in the Jonnstown neighborhood. This particular branch of that esteemed bank was situated across the street from the Chick-Fil-A that X-Ray and Nobody had previously eaten at. Nobody and X-Ray went over to the bank, going through the glass and steel doors. X-Ray approached the counter, and the human female teller smiled at him and said, “Yes, sir?” As X-Ray began the process of accessing his account, Nobody, bored, took a look around. There didn’t seem to be anything of interest in the bank. There were various personages standing in line or sitting in chairs, waiting to do their business with the tellers. A few were reading newspapers in the courtesy chairs. Nobody walked over to an empty chair, and scooped up a copy of last week’s Wall Street Journal. He began reading an article on how to kick start a global economy. Just as Nobody was about halfway through the article, two Agori in ski masks burst in through the door of the bank, yelling, “This is a hold up! Everyone down on the ground now!” X-Ray turned around in panic, as the robbers rushed to the counter. One of them, a fire Agori, brandished a .357 magnum in the teller’s face, saying, “Take me to the vault!” He was also carrying a bag to put the money in. Meanwhile, Nobody, who was lying on the floor with the other bank customers, activated his phasing power when the other robber’s back was turned. He sunk into the floor, using his mask of telepathy to find out where the robbers were. He remembered that the second robber was carrying a glock. He cursed himself for leaving his unbreakable black Kopaka sword of awesomeness at the OMN Barracks on Daxia, but he remembered the one weapon he did have; his taser. Activating his invisibility, he peaked over the edge of the floor, and saw that the second robber’s back was turned. He then snuck up behind the second robber, an ice Agori, and stuck the robber with the taser. The robber was electrified- literally. The robber yelled in agony before collapsing to the floor in a heap. The other robber heard the commotion, and ran past X-Ray. On an impulse, X-Ray stuck out his foot and tripped the robber, who fell flat on his face. X-Ray quickly grabbed the fallen magnum and held it in the robber’s face, saying, “Freeze! I place you under citizen’s arrest!” “But you aren’t a citizen,” said Nobody, who was just about to call the police on his cell phone. “Whatever,” said X-Ray. “But seriously, dude… that was so cool!” Nobody rolled his eyes, and said, “Oh brother.”

Ah, Mask of Light. I haven't seen that movie in a while, but I used to watch it all the time. I got it for my birthday back in the year it came out, and I watched it with my friends at the party. Now I think about it, I know some smaller kids who I could introduce to the Bionicle saga via this film. Then again, I wonder if that's such a good idea. What's the recommended age limit for this movie again anyway? X-Ray

This is truly a monumental piece of work. If only such a work was produced by the folks over at LEGO. At least we have the Papercutz graphic novels. X-Ray

And now, chapter 2! Comments and Criticism appreciated! Chapter 2: The Deputy Director’s Dilemma The Order of Mata Nui Spherus Magna Headquarters was an impressive sight on the outside of the building. Thanks to help from Artakha’s people, the OMN had enough know-how, combined with their immense resources, to quickly set up shop anywhere they chose. And what with the Order’s decision to go public after the Destiny War, it was all the more important that they keep up appearances. The shiny, silver and grey skyscraper was officially known as Mata Tower, but had been dubbed by most people in and around it as “The EB.” That is, “the Empty Bottle.” This was because of the simple reason that only three floors of the sixty story building was actually in use. The EB was empty largely because the OMN, though still wealthy enough to acquire the EB in a matter of months, was still by and large a weakened, halved organization. The higher-ups were too paranoid to allow anyone to rent out the empty floors, convinced that even as a public organization, it would still be better if they remained as cloak-and-dagger like as possible. Nobody thought this was a good idea, though X-Ray only saw it as another source of mirth in the universe. That said, X-Ray was content to quietly listen to Nobody speak at length about why secrecy was more important to the OMN than ever before. “…and furthermore, X, we still don’t know where Helryx, Axxon, and Brutaka are. Helryx’s standing orders may have been to go public, but she had confided with the board that our organization required strict secrecy in the areas where secrecy was necessary. Our operations must be treated as confidential until they are no longer confidential.” “I just think the idea of working in the PR department of a black ops organization is a funny idea,” said X-Ray. He adjusted his eyepiece, scanning the EB. “Ah, here we are,” he said as he and Nobody rounded the corner. X-Ray’s eyepiece showed him various technical stuff and flowcharts on the heads up display built into his vision. “The Mata Tower,” said X-Ray. “Built within six months in 101,002 A.S., this building serves as the headquarters for the Order of Mata Nui. It cost five million widgets to build and is the fourth tallest building in Fe-Metru. The reason a whole office building was built was because the OMN needed to move into Fe-Metru fast, so they bought the Mata Tower before it was being built, when they still had buckets of money to burn, our tax money, you know. Anyway, they bought the tower to use before their official, new Spherus Magna headquarters could be built.” “I don’t think you read all that on your HUD, did you?” said Nobody, keeping lockstep with X-Ray. He looked around, keeping an eye out for something. “No, I just made it all up out of my head,” said X-Ray. “It helps that I’m the author and all.” “We have to go to Thomob’s office on the 59th floor,” said Nobody. The wraith led the way through the revolving doors, walking through the near deserted lobby of the EB. They walked up to the front desk, where a Ga-Matoran sat, alert. “Visitors for Deputy Director Thomob,” said Nobody, leaning on the front desk. The Ga-Matoran picked up a phone, made a call to the 59th floor, and then hung up. She then said, “Yes, you are Nobody and X-Ray? I’ll have to see some ID.” X-Ray pulled out his wallet, and showed the Ga-Matoran his student ID, while Nobody fumbled around his person. X-Ray glanced at Nobody and frowned, saying, “What’s the matter, Nobody?” “I, um…” said Nobody nervously. “I don’t have any pockets.” “Not even in your cloak?” said X-Ray. He rolled his eye, and then said to Nobody, “Here, just wait here, I can talk to Thomob by myself.” “No!” said Nobody, shouting suddenly. He calmed down, and then said, “I mean… no, no. The deputy director was very clear that he wanted me to accompany you at all times.” X-Ray raised an eyebrow, and then said, “Very well. I know how to fix this.” He turned around, concentrated for a few seconds, and then produced a bag out of thin air. “A bag, Nobody,” said X-Ray. “You will find everything you need in it.” Nobody took the bag and rifled through it, finding a Bionicle toiletry kit, which included mask polish and oil, as well as a wallet. Nobody took the wallet and opened it to find a driver’s license of himself. He looked to X-Ray with a confused look, and said, “Is this legal?” “It was never illegal,” said X-Ray. “This stuff didn’t exist, but now it does. You’ll even find your registration records in the DMV database.” “But I don’t have a driver’s license!” said Nobody. “I never took the test!” “We can fix that after the meeting!” said X-Ray, happily walking towards the elevators. “Now, let’s go, Agent!” Nobody sighed, showed his ID to the Ga-Matoran, who buzzed him in. Nobody then ran to catch up to X-Ray, wondering how long he would have to put up with his charge’s reckless use of author powers. * * * A few minutes later, Nobody and X-Ray were seated in Thomob’s opulent office. There was a solid oak desk (imported), Corinthian leather chairs (imported), five day old donuts (not imported), and a great ash book case, filled with tomes from floor to ceiling. A window gave a magnificent view of the skyscraper across the street, as well as the street below. The emerald armored Thomob, wearing his powerless Noble Ruru, stood gazing out the window, with his back to the seated Nobody and X-Ray. “I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve called you here today,” said Thomob. “Ha! I always wanted to say that.” “Please cut to the chase,” said X-Ray. “My time is valuable, and so is yours and Nobody’s.” “Very well,” said Thomob. He turned to face X-Ray and Nobody, and walked over to his desk. He sat down, and opened a ledger lying on his desk. He took a grainy photograph out of it, and showed it to X-Ray and Nobody. “We believe this fellow here is out to get you.” “Who is that?” said Nobody, peering at the photograph. It showed a freaky looking dude walking down a street with swords coming out of his head like a pair of antlers from Medieval Home Depot. “That’s Shadow Stealer, right?” said X-Ray. “Right,” said Thomob, putting the picture down. “Our sources say that he may want to off you.” “Why would Shadow Stealer want me dead?” said X-Ray, shifting in his chair. “I understand that he already has some kind of beef with the Shadowed One for some reason. Did we ever figure out why?” “This is all we have on Shadow Stealer,” said Thomob. He reached down and closed the ledger, which was marked, “Confidential.” “We have no idea what his beef with the Shadowed One is, but we do have some idea about why he’s shifted his sights at you.” Thomob took a donut out of the box and began to munch on it. Nobody and X-Ray exchanged sickened expressions. “You see,” said Thomob, “we believe that Shadow Stealer has either made peace with the Shadowed One, is working for him, and has been hired out to kill you, or else he was hired by someone else to go after you.” “How do you know this?” asked X-Ray. “We have a source in the Dark Hunters,” said Thomob. “A certain blue and gold armored fellow who gave us a recording of TSO talking with his staff about it.” “But I thought Ancient was dead!” said Nobody. “And didn’t GregF say that the DH was disbanded after TSO went to look for greener pastures on Spherus Magna, so the speak?” “Firstly,” said Thomob, taking another bite out of his donut, “Ancient was only mostly dead. There’s a big difference between all dead and mostly dead. Mostly dead means—” “Cut the crud,” said X-Ray. “I’m the author, and even I wouldn’t stoop to The Princess Bride references. Just say that TSO didn’t really kill Ancient. He killed his LMD or something. I don’t know.” “Um, anyway,” said Thomob, “secondly, the Dark Hunters may be essentially defunct, but TSO’s new organization, the Obumbrati, rough Latin for ‘shadowed ones,’ has quickly become a major power in the Spherus Magna criminal underworld. They will stop at nothing until they are the dominant criminal power on the planet.” “But why do they want me dead?” said X-Ray, still quite confused. “I’m just some random teenager!” “You’re not just some random teenager,” said Thomob, leaning over his desk. “You. Are. The. Author. Whatever you say goes. They know that you are the biggest threat to their power, because you are the only one who can stop them decisively. What they don’t know is that if they kill you, this world will end. We must keep you alive at all costs.” “So if you can stop them decisively, right now, with your all encompassing author powers,” said Nobody, taking a donut, “why don’t you just draft him and have him do as you say?” “We would if we could,” said Thomob, “but we can’t. Directive 42—” “Ha!” said X-Ray. “Hitchhiker’s reference!” Nobody and Thomob looked at him strangely, and then the author said, “Eh, continue.” “Ahem,” said Thomob. “Directive 42 states that we are not allowed to interfere with the author’s design. We are only to abide by it.” He spread his hands out, as if making an introduction, and said, “Those are the rules.” X-Ray and Nobody sat hunched over in their chairs, trying to understand everything that had been revealed to them. Nobody turned to X-Ray and said, “You knew all of this, didn’t you?” “Hey,” said X-Ray defensively, holding up his hands, “I’m just making this up as I go. I have some rough outline of what’s going to happen, but the rest fills itself in.” “All the more reason to have you locked up in a safe house somewhere in the Black Spike Mountains,” said Thomob. “But, on the advice of the board, I have relented from such measures.” He turned his head and looked straight at Nobody, and said to him, “Nobody, you are hereby appointed official liaison and bodyguard to the author.” X-Ray glanced at the clock on the left wall. It was 4:15 P.M. He then turned to Thomob and said, “Well, I think that I can—” Suddenly, the fire alarm went off, nearly scaring X-Ray out of his skin, and Nobody and Thomob out of their armor. Thomob quickly grabbed his donut box and said to the other two, “Don’t panic! Don’t panic! DON’T PANIC!” X-Ray said, “Dude, you’re the only one panicking. Now, let’s get out of here. We’ll finish the debriefing later. And please, enough with the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy references.”

At long last I am returning to writing comedies. I hope that you all enjoy this! Prologue In the time before the restructuring of BZPower.com, in a world known as the internet, the being known as X-Ray authored creative works known as fan-fictions in the Library section of BZPower.com. These fan-fictions fell under three categories; Comedies, Short Stories, and Epics. He wrote several of the first two, but only one of the last. They were separate, and without purpose, other than to entertain a small pool of readers. So, X-Ray illuminated his comedies with a new character: Nobody. Nobody was, by X-Ray's own description, an anthropomorphic running joke. The friendly wraith could be equal parts charming and grim, stoic and exuberant. He went on many adventures in X-Ray's comedies, frequently providing color commentary on the events surrounding him in Glatorian of Bara Magna: Curse of the Grey Crystal. It was only in Nuva Nation, X-Ray: The Return, and Bionicles at Work that he became a fully developed character, having a larger role to play in the plot. He went on many adventures as an agent of the Order of Mata Nui. Eventually, he met up with X-Ray at the end of Bionicles at Work, ready to explore the new world of Spherus Magna. X-Ray, on the other hand, was a decidedly cautious fellow. He did not exactly long for adventure the way Nobody did. True, he wished to travel, but he did not want to take part in a climactic battle for the fate of the universe. Fortunately, he, being the author, was able to steer himself away from danger... until now, that is. --------------------- Chapter 1: Arrival “…and Malum would have been Davy Jones, and the Vorox and Zesk would have been his crew, Metus would have been Lord Beckett, Atakus would have been Mercer, and Ackar would have been Sao Feng!” X-Ray took a deep breath, having just finished explaining his casting choices of a Bionicleized parody of the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. Nobody was with him at the moment. “What about the Kraken?” asked Nobody. The transparent armored being with a tattered, grey hooded cloak and a banged up silver Kanohi Suletu was riding with X-Ray on the newly built Magna-Rail, a continent spanning train privately owned by Fe-Nui Industries. They were on their way to Fe-Metru, where they hoped to engage in some sightseeing. “The Scopio, of course!” said X-Ray. In marked contrast to the bedraggled appearance of his companion, X-Ray wore a finely tailored pair of dark blue slacks, topped by a white dress shirt and dark blue vest with a silver tie. His right eye was the eyepiece of a Kanohi Akaku Nuva, adorning his face like a monocle, as a certain female comedy author had once described it. “Wow,” said Nobody dryly. “Almost makes me wish you would write a sequel.” “I would have,” said X-Ray, “but copying things word for word from the novelization and movie while trying to think up jokes gets tedious after a while. Besides, I don’t think there was much demand for it.” “I would have read it,” said Nobody. “Yeah, but you’re Nobody,” said X-Ray. “You’d probably be in the comedy. I’d like everybody to read my comedies.” “Nobody will read them if you don’t do something original,” said Nobody. “That is to say, people, not including me, won’t read your comedies unless you come up with something original.” “Nuva Nation wasn’t original?” said X-Ray. “Bionicles at Work wasn’t original?” He paused for a minute, and then said, “What would you know about originality? You’re the one who’s named after a character from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.” “Bionicle: Infinities was original!” said Nobody. “And besides, you named me. And you’re the one who named himself after a character from Holes!” “Point taken,” said X-Ray. He glanced out the window, and then said to Nobody, “I believe that we have arrived at our destination.” The bus came to a halt at the Fe-Metru Magna-Rail station, where X-Ray and Nobody grabbed their bags and headed towards the front of the train car. They descended the steps, and headed into city. The streets, brightly lit by abundant sunlight, were packed with life, including Agori, Matoran, Glatorian, Toa, Turaga, and dozens of other species that had moved into this location, Spherus Magna’s fastest growing metropolis. The urban center was home to many thriving industries, from clothing and office supplies to restaurants and book stores. Indeed, there had not been a clothing market in Spherus Magna for a hundred thousand years, what with the predilection for twenty-four hour armor among the Spherus Magna inhabitants. Fortunately, thanks to the newly ushered in Pax Bionicle, people were beginning to walk about without their armor, in plain clothes. A few key pundits predicted that Fe-Metru would soon become the business capital of the world. Speaking of pundits, X-Ray decided to listen to one by flipping on the radio app on his handy-dandy cell phone. There, on station AM 420, he decided to listen to The Ben Geck Program. “Do not underestimate the Shadowed One!” said Geck from X-Ray’s phone. “He will not stop until he has completed is agenda or had died trying. My fellow Spherus Magnans, we must unite if we wish to stop this threat to freedom and peace.” “Do you actually believe this stuff?” said Nobody to X-Ray as they walked down the sidewalk. A skyscraper under construction loomed ahead of them. “Of course!” said X-Ray, turning down the phone’s volume as the radio program went to commercial break. “Ben Geck has a high rate of accuracy, and is by far one of the most knowledgeable conservative pundits out there. And you of all people should know that TSO is a serious threat.” “Whatever,” said Nobody. “I read Era Magazine. Besides, I’d like to remind you that the Shadowed One hasn’t been seen in over a year. The Dark Hunters are for all intents and purposes defunct. The most serious threat to public safety is the Skakdi, and they’re not waging war any time soon.” X-Ray and Nobody stopped at a street corner to take a picture of the under-construction skyscraper. “Okay,” said X-Ray, consulting his phone, “we need to find some lodgings for the night.” “You need to find lodgings,” said Nobody, “I have to find someplace to live. I’m on assignment from the OMN, you know.” “That assignment being…?” said X-Ray, pulling up the GPS feature on his phone. “I can’t tell you,” said Nobody. “It’s a secret.” “You and your secrets,” said X-Ray. He examined his phone’s screen, and then said, “Okay, there’s a Motel 6 a couple blocks west of here. Let’s head there.” “Good, good,” said Nobody. They walked down the street, passing by the various businesses and persons. Finally, after several minutes of walking, they had reached the Motel 6. “An Earth based business on Spherus Magna?” said Nobody. “Thanks to that portal that got opened up recently,” said X-Ray, “Earth businesses and entrepreneurs have been flourishing on Spherus Magna. This one mining company even started mining protodermis over where the Mata Nui robot collapsed!” “Ah, the beauty of capitalism.” They walked into the lobby of the hotel, and the person behind the counter, a water tribe Agori, said to them, “Good afternoon, sirs. How may I help you?” “We’d like a room for the night,” said X-Ray. “How much does it cost?” “Our spring rates currently apply,” said the Agori, whose name tag read Sheila, “so it would cost $70 dollars per week day for an apartment with two double beds, $58 for just a room with two double beds, and $50 for just one double bed.” “We’ll take the apartment with two double beds,” said X-Ray. X-Ray took out his credit card and handed it to Sheila, who then gave it back to him when she was done. She then handed them a key card and said, “Your room number is 201.” “Thank you,” said X-Ray, flashing his best smile. He and Nobody headed out of the lobby towards the elevators, and proceeded to ascend to the second floor. Once they reached their room, they set down their luggage and made themselves at home. X-Ray said, “Isn’t this great, Nobody? We’ve got a spectacular view of the Skrall River, a sweet hotel room, and a whole city to explore!” Nobody yawned, and then said, “Yeah, it’s great, X.” He set his suitcase down on his bed, and took down the hood of his cloak. “I’m going to go take a shower, X,” said Nobody, going over to the bathroom. “I’ll be out in a minute.” He took his cell phone and placed it on the nightstand next to his bed. “Let me know if someone calls on my cell phone. I’m expecting an important call from my boss at the OMN.” “Righto, Nobody!” said X-Ray. The youth plopped himself down on the bed, and grabbed the remote control. He turned on the television and clicked to the Discovery Channel. Dual Survival was on. X-Ray sat back and watched the show, dreaming all the while what grand adventures he and Nobody would have in this wonderful city. He glanced at his watch. It was 3:15 P.M. After Nobody was finished with his shower and dried off, he emerged from the bathroom and laid down on his own bed, joining X-Ray is watching TV. They were both tired from the long train ride from the portal site, and were glad for the down time. “What should we have for dinner?” said Nobody. “I hear that the baked sand bat over at McKyry’s is fantastic,” said X-Ray. “They’ve really stepped up in their menu. Besides, I’ve always wanted to taste some Bara Magnan food.” “Baked sand bat it is then,” said Nobody. “I’ll go get it-” Nobody was interrupted by his cell phone ringing. He picked it up and said, “Hello?” “Nobody, this is Claire from the OMN, Fe-Metru Base. We need you and X-Ray to come to our building right away to be debriefed by Thomob.” “Understood,” said Nobody. He clamped the phone shut and then turned to X-Ray, saying, “We need to get to the OMN building now.” “What’s the matter?” asked X-Ray. “Is there another consulting thing that they need help with?” “They didn’t say,” said Nobody as he got up from the bed and grabbed his cloak. “All I know is that we need to be debriefed by Thomob.” X-Ray rolled his eye and then said, “Right then. I guess that means we’ll have to postpone going to McKyry’s. Let’s go, old friend.” To be continued... -------------- C & C appreciated! I've gotta say, it's good to be back! X-Ray

I personally thought that Axonn and Brutaka back in '06 were pretty sweet. I have the Axonn set, which kind of contributes to that. Maxilos and Hydraxon were also pretty cool. X-Ray

Whatever Happened to the Agent of the Bat? A Short Story Fan Fiction by BZPower.com member X-Ray Detective Harvey Bullock chomped on his cigar, as he navigated the halls of the Kane County Medical Examiner’s Office. He had been called to this location in order to examine a body that had been found on the streets following the zombie attack that some were calling the “Blackest Night.” A costumed body. His partner, Detective Josie Mac, walked beside him. As members of the GCPD Major Crimes Unit, it was their job to investigate cases involving the local freaks. Wonder who this one was, thought the detective. Couldn’t make heads or tails of who it was over the phone, so we had to come all the way down here to make the ID. Let’s hope we have an easy time of it without having to call in the Bat. “Hello, detectives,” said a woman in a white lab coat who came to greet them. “How may I assist you?” “Hello, Ms. Fields,” said Josie. She eyed the woman’s plastic left hand. The Joker had shot it off a few years ago around Christmas. Before that, her husband, Detective Charlie Fields, had been killed by Mr. Freeze. But through it all, Nora Fields had endured. She was currently one of the top supervisors at the Medical Examiner’s office, working with Mortimer Gunt on the toughest forensic cases. “You must be Detective Bullock,” said Fields, extending her hand to shake Bullock’s. “Marcus has told me so much about you.” “You’re a friend of Driver’s?” said Bullock, taking out his cigar. “Any friend of Marcus’ is a friend of mine, ma’am. Anyhow, we’re here to see a stiff. One of the costumed ones recovered after the zombie attack.” “Yes, of course,” said Fields, leading the way down the hall. They came to the morgue, entering the dank, cold repository of human bodies. “Over here,” she said, leading the way to one of the body vaults. She took the keys and unlocked it, taking out the slab on which the body rested. “Well, what do you think?” “Hmm… let’s see,” said Bullock, examining the blackened, skeletonized corpse. It had the symbol of the Black Lantern Corps emblazoned on its chest, and wore a hooded cape. The cape was torn and shredded, tied roughly around the corpse’s neck. A filthy Black Lantern Corps ring still remained rooted onto the body’s finger. But what Bullock noticed the most were the pair of gauntlets that the corpse wore. Gauntlets that had metal blades sticking out of them. “Josie,” said Bullock. “Get some pictures of this stiff. We’re going to need them when we get back to Central so we can have something to compare it to.” “What are we comparing it to?” said Josie. “Do you think you recognize something?” “I’m not a betting man,” said Bullock, continuing to chomp on his cigar, “but I have a hunch that we just found the body of Azrael.” “But Azrael is still alive,” said Josie, frowning. “You and I just closed a case pinning him for the murder of an undercover guy a few months ago.” “No, not that Azrael,” said Bullock. “I mean the old Azrael.” He turned to Fields, and said to her, “Have you been able to identify who the stiff was?” “Dental records indicate that the deceased is Jean-Paul Valley,” said Fields. “Do you think that he was Azrael?” “I don’t know,” said Bullock, turning to leave the morgue. “But I’m gonna find out. Let’s get back to Central, Josie.” * * * “You’re absolutely sure?” “Yes, Batman,” said Commissioner Gordon. He paced the roof, matching Batman’s own striding. The nearby bat-signal illuminated the shadowed night, projecting the image of a bat into the sky above them. “From what we’ve been able to understand, Jean-Paul Valley was a grad student turned drifter, briefly employed as a security guard at Wayne Enterprises.” Gordon stopped, and stared at Batman. “But you already knew that, didn’t you?” Batman replied, “Yes, I did. Jean-Paul was a colleague of mine, and a friend. He made his share of mistakes when he took over as Batman, but he spent the rest of his life trying to atone for those mistakes. Now that we have a body, he deserves a proper burial. Also, he was hardly a ‘drifter.’ Traveler maybe, but not a drifter.” Gordon took out his pipe, and breathed out a puff of smoke. “Wayne knew him, right?” “Right. Your point, Jim?” “Oh, nothing,” said Gordon, going to turn off the bat-signal. “I suppose I’ll have the body delivered into Wayne’s custody. He appears to be the only relation the guy had.” Gordon turned around, seeing Batman standing silently behind him. As he shut off the bat-signal, he said to him, “Say hi to the kid for me.” “I will,” said Batman. With that, he turned, fired his grapnel gun, got a latch, and swung off into the night. Gordon watched as the superhero swung away. He’s a different man now, he thought. Ever since he came back… He walked back to the roof access. Ah, what do I know, the Commissioner thought. Just as well that he’s here at all. * * * Batman steadily parked the Batmobile in the usual spot in the Bat bunker under Wayne Tower. “Car door,” he said. The door opened, and he stepped out. Taking off his mask, he went over to the Batcomputer, and sat down. As he began his work, Alfred came up to him, carrying a tray. “Care for dinner, Master Dick? It’s chili.” “Sure, Alfred,” said Dick Grayson. He pulled up the file on Jean-Paul Valley, studying it intently. As Alfred looked over Dick’s shoulder, the faithful butler said, “Why the sudden interest in the late Jean-Paul Valley?” “His body was found by the police,” said Dick, scrolling down to the bottom of the file. “When Jean-Paul died, no body was found, and we were caught up in the midst of the Hush fiasco when it happened. I intend to make sure that he gets a proper burial.” “A noble proposition, Master Dick,” said Alfred, setting down the tray. “Who will attend?” “All the usual suspects,” said Dick, arriving at the “Known Associates” section of the file. “Tim, Barbara, Cass if you can find her, Leslie. There’s also this one guy… Brian Bryan. I think he’s still working out of this homeless shelter in the East End. And Helena and Selina too.” “What about Stephanie and Damian?” said Alfred. “I believe their attendance would serve to enrich them in the history of the Bat-family.” “Yeah, they’d better come too,” said Dick, closing the file. He turned in his swivel chair, scooting it over to where the chili was. “You’re right, Alfie. It will be good for them.” * * * A few days later, the Bat-family had met in the Wayne Manor graveyard. In attendance were Dick, Tim Drake, Barbara Gordon, Cassandra Cain, Alfred Pennyworth, Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Helena Bertinelli, Selina Kyle, Leslie Thompkins, and Brian Bryan. Dick went up to the front of the group. “Welcome, everybody," he said. "We are gathered here today to put to rest Jean-Paul Valley, better known to most of you as the first Azrael. His body was found in the midst of the Blackest Night, and now we can have a proper burial for him.” He scanned the crowd, trying his best to read their faces. He knew that some of them, namely Selina, Stephanie, and Damian, had little to no history with Jean-Paul. The others, on the other hand, had known Jean-Paul for nearly his whole time as an active member of the Bat-family, fighting alongside him through No Man’s Land and beyond. “We didn’t always give him the credit he deserved,” said Dick, “but he always tried to do the right thing, no matter what.” Dick paused, and then said, “Is there anyone who would like to say something?” A silence washed over the group, as they pondered Dick’s question. Finally, Cassandra came forward, saying, “I would speak.” Dick relinquished his spot in front of the group to Cassandra, joining the rest of the group. She cleared her throat, and began to speak, saying, “Jean-Paul and I met each other during No Man’s Land. He befriended me, and I him, during the winter months of that period. He used to talk a lot, though I at the time spoke little. He saved my life on one occasion. Jean-Paul was many things. He was a warrior, a scholar, and a hero. But above all, Jean-Paul was a good friend. That’s how I would like him to be remembered.” A single tear fell down Cassandra’s face as she rejoined the group. Others came up to speak, first Brian, then Tim, then Barbara, and finally, Dick. After they had all spoken, Dick directed the waiting undertakers to lower the coffin into the grave. It’s a full coffin now, he thought ruefully. He noted that Barbara, Brian, and Leslie were also crying. He thought, Jean-Paul, you weren’t able to touch many lives when you were alive, but those that you did, you touched heavily. He went over to Cassandra Cain, patted her on the shoulder, and said to her, “That was a good speech back there.” “Thanks, Dick,” said Cassandra, looking over her shoulder. “You were right, you know. Jean-Paul did deserve more credit. I wish I’d been there for him when he died.” “If you’d been there for him,” said Dick, “I have no doubt that he would have survived. You could take down the B-listers that killed him, easy money.” Dick hugged Cassandra, and said, “But you weren’t there. What’s done is done.” Cassandra nodded, wiping away her tears with her hand. Then she said, “So, what’s this I hear about a new Azrael in town?” “Michael Lane? The guy’s a total whackjob. But it’s not his fault though. He needs help from us.” “Kind of like Jean-Paul?” “Yes. Kind of like Jean-Paul.” --- Yeah, so I'm a fan of Jean-Paul Valley's Azrael. I love that guy. Comments and criticism appreciated. X-Ray

Hello and welcome. I'm here to ask what you think the best Bionicle book was and why, as well as which one is your favorite, and why. In my opinion, the best book was probably Tales of the Masks, as we got to see considerable character development for the Toa Nuva and the Turaga, and very interesting character development at that. My personal favorite was Time Trap, which I also own, which worked an interesting premise around just a few characters as opposed to the large host of characters. I'm also partial to The Final Battle, mainly because there were so many great moments in it, Raid on Vulcanus, because it used the time honored magnificent-seven-samurai plot, and Journey's End, which, while not released as a book per se, was a great cap off to the entire Bionicle saga. X-Ray

This tale of yours is quite introspective, nicely examining the character of Ahkmou. I found it interesting that the Zyglak of all beings would ally with Ahkmou. You built a strong case for him joining up with them. Ahkmou is nicely written as the villainous coward that he is, as is the Zyglak. I will, however, point out a single use of the word "seethed" in place of "said." Said is an invisible word, transcending all speech. If you disagree, I, to paraphrase James V. Smith, Jr.'s book You Can Write a Nove, invite you to seethe the word "no." All in all, a nice little story, though it's littleness is something I would amend if I were you. X-Ray

I'd like to request a review: West of Po-Koro, by X-Ray X-Ray

Your story of this nameless member of the Order of Mata Nui is well told. I'm afraid it's not terribly intriguing, as it tells us little more than what we already know about him, but I am willing to take what I can get. I was slightly confused by your use of the term "Makuta Nui." Is this referring to Makuta as the supreme Makuta of all the Brotherhood members? I would suggest that you infuse a few more dashes of humanity, so to speak, into your character. Give us more details about his displeasure with the Order. Why does he feel this way? What specifically does he not like? Did he feel differently in the past? Add a little more to the character, and your stories could be something amazing. All in all, a nice little tale you have here, if not groundbreaking. X-Ray

I believe Greg has said that he wanted to avoid tropes such as space travel for fear of sending Bionicle into the realm of science fiction. As it is, Bionicle is more like techno-fantasy, though I myself have referred to it as a science fiction epic. Maybe it's both. X-Ray

BS01 states on their page on the Rebuilding that the Turaga showed the Matoran of Mata Nui how to rebuild themselves after the defeat of the Bohrok-Kal, with knowledge given to them by the Rahaga. My question is, why on Earth didn't the Turaga show them how to do this earlier in the 1,000 years they spend on the island of Mata Nui? I'm pretty sure it would have helped them a lot. X-Ray

West of Po-Koro – A BZPower.com Short Story Fan Fiction by BZPower.com member X-Ray Hafu took a step back as he admired his fruits of his labor. In the weeks since the end of the Bohrok War, he had been hard at work repairing the damage the Bohrok had done to his home of Po-Koro. At the moment, he had just finished rebuilding one of the great statues that he himself had felled to stem a Tahnok swarm’s march into Po-Koro. It was a grand statue of an unmasked Matoran face, staring back at him with the soul that he had given it. “Another Hafu original,” he said to himself, chuckling. He started to put away his tools, when a familiar voice called out from behind him. “Hi, Hafu!” said the voice. Hafu turned around to see a Ga-Matoran wearing a Noble Kanohi Huna approaching him. As his fellow workers headed into the village, he met the Ga-Matoran and said to her, “Maku, isn’t it? A pleasure to see you again, water maiden.” The two shook hands, and Hafu walked with her to the gateway to the village. All around them, reprogrammed Bohrok and Bohrok Va were going about their work, rebuilding the destruction that they had caused. Thanks to the mechanical aptitude of an Onu-Matoran named Nuparu, the Bohrok were now their helpers. “What brings you to Po-Koro?” Hafu asked Maku. “I’m here to see Huki,” said Maku. “I haven’t seen him since he left Ga-Koro after the Bohrok were defeated. Turaga Nokama is finally letting me off of probation and letting me journey afar again.” “Truly,” said Hafu, “it is a great thing that you are able to walk among us. Huki has been busy as of late, what with the repairs and all. Still, I think his spirit would be lifted greatly if he saw you.” Maku blushed under her mask. Her close friendship with Huki had earned her more than her fair share of ribbings from her fellow Ga-Matoran. True, the Huki plush doll that she kept in her hut may have been a bit much, but she was nonetheless unafraid to maintain her friendship with the Po-Matoran. “Where is Huki?” she asked Hafu. “Where do you think?” said Hafu, who then laughed. “He’s at the Kolhii field, practicing, as usual. That’s where the bloke spends nearly all of his free time.” “Well, as the premier Kolhii player on Mata Nui, he needs to keep in practice!” said Maku. “Especially with the new version of Kolhii that he came up with back at Ga-Koro.” “Huki is ‘the premier Kolhii player on Mata Nui?’” said Hafu, crestfallen. “Oh, lighten up, Hafu,” said Maku, playfully punching Hafu in the shoulder. “Isn’t it enough that you’re the premier carver and artisan on Mata Nui? We all know that you can play a good Kolhii game too.” “Oh, bother you!” said Hafu, shaking his head. Maku only laughed more. The two Matoran finally reached the Kolhii field. It was flat affair, surrounded by stone seating and two large goal markers. Huki and some other Matoran were punting a Kolhii ball around with their Kolhii staffs, playing a simple game of keep away. “Passing to you, Podu!” shouted Huki to another Matoran as he punted the ball towards him. Podu caught the ball with the cup shaped end of his Kolhii staff, and ran with it to the left of the field. The other two Matoran ran after Podu, the Hau wearing Matoran setting the ball on the ground, bunting it along with the hammer end of his staff. “Hi, Huki!” shouted Maku to her friend. Huki stopped to see Hafu and Maku standing at the gateway to the stands. He stopped running, and raised his hand in the air. “Time out!” he called out to his fellow Kolhii players. Podu and the other two Kolhii players stopped moving around. “What’s the matter, Huki?” said Podu. “Getting tired again?” The other two Matoran chuckled at this. “It’s no laughing matter,” said Huki. Ever since he had been infected by Ahkmou’s Comet Kolhii balls, he had occasional bouts of fatigue. Turaga Onewa had estimated that the effects would be gone within a few months. Maku and Hafu walked down from the stone stands to the Kolhii field, Huki striding forward to meet them. “Hafu, Maku,” he said, smiling. “Just the two beings I wanted to see.” “You’re just the being I wanted to see too,” said Maku, winking at Huki. Hafu cleared his throat loudly. Huki sighed deeply, and said, “Yes, I’m glad to see you too, Hafu. I’d be even happier to see you if you showed up to Kolhii practice once in a while. Or are you still busy running around with that Ta-Matoran… what’s his name… the Chronicler?” “His name’s Takua, friend,” said Hafu icily. “For your information, I’ve been hard at work helping to repair the village. Those Bohrok don’t know how to fix art, I tell you, no matter what those Onu-Matoran big brains tell them.” “Relax, Hafu,” said Huki, patting his friend on the shoulder, “I was just joking around.” Huki took his hand back, and turned to address Maku. “But now I’d like to say something serious.” “C’mon, Huki!” yelled Podu. “Are you going to be talking all day?” “Just a second, Podu!” Huki shouted back over his shoulder. He turned back to Hafu and Maku and said, “Kolhii practice ends in half an hour. Maku, meet me at my hut then. It’s important.” “Alright, Huki. I’ll see you then,” said Maku, bumping fists with Huki. Huki waved goodbye, and went back to his game with Podu and the other two Po-Matoran. “I wonder what he wants to talk about?” said Hafu, nudging Maku with his elbow. “By the way, how’s Takua doing these days?” “Last I saw him,” said Maku, “he was giving Jala a ribbing because Hahli put a flower in his mask. Other than that, our friend the Chronicler seems to be doing just fine. You?” “I myself am glorious as of late!” said Hafu in his usual magnanimous manner. “Thanks to our former enemies the Bohrok, our work has been cut in half. That won’t stop me from working anyway, though. But I am wary of those goat-dogs, the Bohrok Va. They’re… different, than their larger counterparts. That is to say, they don’t run on Krana, and that’s what worries me.” “I’m sure it will be fine,” said Maku. “Ours over in Ga-Koro have been nothing if not servile. It’s like we were never at war at all.” “Just you wait and see, water maiden,” said Hafu, turning to depart from Maku’s side. “Mark my words, the day we let those things into our village is the day we welcomed doom into our home.” Maku shook her head as Hafu walked away. She herself had been wary of the Bohrok at first, but the fear that had gripped her when she had first seen them had gone away, replaced by apathy. But what if Hafu was right? Were the Bohrok and the “goat-dogs” as the Po-Matoran called the Bohrok Va really plotting against them? Of course not, thought Maku as she made her way through the village to Huki’s hut. Our Turaga and the Toa wouldn’t let them into the village if they were a potential threat, right? And besides, even if the Bohrok are plotting our doom, the Toa Nuva will be there to stop them again. This time, more powerful and better equipped than ever before! * * * Huki walked along, his Kolhii staff resting on his shoulder. He had trained hard today. Train hard, play easy, he thought to himself. He approached his hut, glad to be done with practice. It wasn’t that he was tired of Kolhii, but that he had something important to speak to Maku about. And there she is! he thought, spotting the Ga-Matoran leaning in the door frame of his hut. “Hi, Maku!” he shouted to his friend. “Sorry I’m a little late. Goylo didn’t want to stop practicing.” “It’s okay, I’m good,” said Maku, going to greet Huki. They both entered the dimly lit hut and sat down on the curved stone bed, the hut’s sole piece of furniture. “Alright, Huki,” said Maku. “What’s this ‘important’ thing you wanted to talk about?” Huki stared Maku in the eye and said, “Ahkmou.” Maku’s smiling expression turned to confusion, and said, “Wha- what?” “Ahkmou,” repeated Huki, his contempt for the word and the being associated with it obvious. “That traitor nearly killed half the village, and now he’s gone. We need to find him and bring him to face Turaga Onewa’s justice.” Maku nodded grimly, not at all surprised by Huki’s bold declaration. Ahkmou had been a Matoran who had sold Kolhii balls infected with Makuta’s darkness, striking the population of Po-Koro with a deadly plague. Huki himself had succumbed to it, before recovering. Thusly, she understood perfectly why the Po-Matoran was eager to find the traitor. “Do you have any idea where he might have gone?” Maku asked. “I might,” said Huki, glancing out the door. Today was the off day for the Po-Matoran, aside from the guards. What with the Bohrok helping to repair things, they had increasingly more leisure time on their hands. At the moment, it was two hours before noon, Kolhii practice being held in the early morning so as to avoid the hot sun in the afternoon. “You might?” said Maku. “What’s your lead?” “While I was out on patrol with the guard a few days ago,” said Huki, “I ran into an Onu-Matoran named Midak. I struck up a conversation with him, and he mentioned seeing a lot of things, as he spent a lot of time above ground.” “Why would and Onu-Matoran spend a lot of time above ground?” “I don’t know, but I thought he was odd to. Anyhow, he mentioned seeing a Po-Matoran with a Noble Rau heading towards the Papa Nihu Reef. Midak said that the Matoran tried to buy or rent an Ussal from him, but Midak wouldn’t have it.” “So you think that this Po-Matoran could have been Ahkmou?” said Maku. “Yes,” said Huki, standing up on the floor. “I sought out Onepu, and he told me that there’s a cave system on an Onu-Wahi beach that would be a great place for someone on Makuta’s side to hide.” Huki then flashed a dark grin. “You know why?” Maku said, “Because they’re crawling with Makuta infected Nui-Jaga?” “Exactly,” said Huki. There was a moment of silence between the two. Huki then said to Maku, “Well, you in?” “In?” said Maku incredulously, “In for what?” “For going to find Ahkmou!” said Huki, throwing his hands up in the air. “What did you think I was going to ask you to do?” “Slow down there, Rahi herder,” said Maku, holding up a flattened hand. “It’s not that I don’t want to, but I’m not sure that I could go all the way to Onu-Wahi and back before sunset. Turaga Nokama would be really mad at me… again.” “I’ve already talked to Turaga Onewa about it,” said Huki dismissively. “He agrees with me that we have to find Ahkmou.” What Huki neglected to mention was that Turaga Onewa had said that they ought to establish a multi-village search party to find Ahkmou. This wasn’t Huki’s idea of a good adventure, however, and he hadn’t brought it up again after that. “Well, what are we waiting for?” said Maku. “Let’s head out!” “I’m glad of your enthusiasm,” said Huki. “We’re going to need a lot of throwing disks and a couple of dikapi, which my pal Ally can provide.” He got off his stone bed, grabbed full pack lying against the wall, and walked out of the hut. “If you get in trouble with Turaga Nokama, I’ll vouch for you. Besides, with the help of our dikapi, we should be there and back in no time.” The two Matoran walked from Huki’s hut to the Po-Koro guardhouse. There, they found Ally, a Matoran with a brown Noble Ruru. “You say you want to head out to Onu-Wahi?” said the guard. “Alright then. I have your dikapi right here.” He was about to show them to the stables, when Hafu ran up to the three. “Hey, Maku, Huki!” said Hafu, out of breath from running so fast. “Where are you guys going now?” “We’re going on a secret mission,” said Maku as they followed Ally to the stables. In a conspiratorial whisper, she said to Hafu, “We’re going to find Ahkmou.” “Ahkmou!” said Hafu. “You’re going to go with Huki to find that lousy traitor?” “Yes, we are,” said Huki, emerging from the stables with a pair of dikapi. “Isn’t it said that two is better than one?” “Isn’t it also said that a cord of three is not easily broken?” said Hafu, putting his hands on hands on his hips. “I tell you, Huki, I will go with you, wherever you’re going.” Huki paused to think. Hafu was a great friend, a great artist, and a great Kolhii player. He also knew that Hafu had more than proved his mettle as a warrior at the Battle for Kini-Nui a month or so before. “Alright, you can ride with us,” said Huki. Hafu pumped his fist, saying, “Yes!” Huki turned around and said to Ally, “Ally, we’re going to need another dikapi.” “Yes, Huki!” said the Po-Matoran. He ran to the stables, and then came back out with a third of the flightless bird Rahi. “Perfect!” said Huki, taking off his pack. He opened it, revealing a cache of six bamboo throwing disks. “Here, take these,” he said, passing two to Maku and two to Hafu. “We’re going to need them where we’re going.” * * * The three friends rode their dikapi over the sands of Po-Wahi at a very fast rate. Their mounts were widely known for their speed, putting the Ussalry of Onu-Koro to shame. The trio quickly reached the grey landscape of Onu-Wahi, just north of Tiro Canyon, where the Toa had battled a swarm of Tahnok during the Bohrok War. They continued on through Onu-Wahi, taking in the barren countryside around them. It was temperate, but not lush, rocky, but not too hard. Finally, Huki, who was in the lead, brought his dikapi to a halt next to a lone tree, causing Maku and Hafu had come to a stop behind him. Huki dismounted, and tied his dikapi to the tree, saying, “We are here!” Before them lay a small cliff face, indented with a large cave. It was dark within, pitch black for that matter. They were unable to see into it very far. “Is that were we have to go?” said Maku. “Yes, Maku,” said Huki, as Hafu walked up beside him. He took a throwing disk out of his pack, and said to his friends, “Get your disks ready.” The three friends approached the cave warily, keeping an eye out for hostile Nui-Jaga. They slowly walked up to the cave, carefully scrutinizing the entrance before entering. “We’re going to need a lightstone,” said Maku to Huki. “Always prepared,” said Hafu, pulling a lightstone out of his pack. The gold colored stone glowed brightly, illuminating the cave before them. So far, there were not threats in sight. “Let us go forth,” said Huki boldly, leading the way into the cave. They went deep into the cave, searching very corner of its dark recesses, or not so dark, thanks to the lightstone. “Are you entirely sure, dear Huki, that this is indeed the correct cave?” whispered Hafu. “I’m positive,” said Huki. “I scouted this cave a few days ago, and saw an infected Nui-Jaga go into it. If my reckoning is right, we should be finding the traitor in no time.” Just then, a blood curling shriek echoed through the cavern, comparable to the sound of breaking glass. It startled even the three veteran adventurers, who all knew that it could only be one thing. “Nui-Jaga!” said Huki, taking out a disk. “Stay together and get ready to throw your disks!” The monster click-clacked up from the darkness ahead of them, crawling into the light. It was a purple specimen, with two infected Kanohi Pakari on the top of the ends of its forearms. It approached the three Matoran, hissing menacingly. “Hup!” said Huki, hurling a disk at the Rahi. The bamboo throwing disk struck one of the infected masks, knocking it off, before returning to Huki’s hand. Thrown into disarray from the sudden loss of one of its infected masks, the Nui-Jaga spun around in confusion, crawling up the side of the cave wall. “I’ve got the next one!” said Hafu, hurling one of his own disks. He was disappointed when his disk struck not the Nui-Jaga’s remaining infected mask, but its mandibles, which was of no help to him. “Confound it!” said Hafu as he caught the disk on its return to him. “I’ve got it!” said Maku, bravely approaching the giant purple scorpion. With a mighty heave, she hurled one of her disks at the Nui-Jaga, deftly knocking off its remaining infected Pakari. Once the last mask was off, the Nui-Jaga shook itself, before thundering towards the trio. “Look out!” shouted Huki, who dive tackled Maku to the left side of the cave, while Hafu ran to the right wall. Fortunately, Nui-Jaga were slow, and they were able to wait while the Nui-Jaga lumbered past them, screeching as it made its way out of the cave. Huki got off of Maku, and helped his friend up. “Are you alright?” he said to her. “I’m fine,” said Maku, brushing the dirt off of her armor. “But thanks anyway.” “Onward!” said Hafu, taking the lead. The group continued on, carefully avoiding the discarded infected masks, and descended further into the cave. After about ten minutes of walking, they discovered the object of their quest. Hafu spotted Ahkmou first, cowering against the back wall of the cave. The carver’s lightstone lit up the portion of the cave the traitor was hiding in, causing Ahkmou to put a hand over his eyes to block the glare. “P-please!” Ahkmou said, cringing. “Don’t hurt me!” “Oh, we’re not going to hurt you at all,” said Huki, roughly grabbing Ahkmou by the arm. “Not yet anyway.” Hafu grabbed Ahkmou’s other arm, and Huki said, “Alright, traitor. Let’s get back to Po-Koro, shall we? By the way, ‘gone fishing’? Really?” * * * It was slightly difficult to mount both Ahkmou and Hafu on one mount, but the trio managed to do so, saddling their dikapi and heading back towards their village. They rode for about an hour and a half, until the once again came within sight of the village of stone. There, the Po-Matoran and the Bohrok were hard at work, though the Matoran stopped what they were doing when they saw the arrival of the company. They stared in awe as the heroic Matoran rode into the village, with the traitorous Ahkmou in tow. Someone started clapping, and it spread to every one of the crowd, as they began cheering wildly. “Hooray for Huki and Hafu!” said one, while another shouted, “The heroes have arrived!” Still another said, “Maku all the way!” Maku, Huki and Hafu could not help but wave. Once they had entered the village, Huki and Hafu hauled Ahkmou between the two of them to Turaga Onewa’s hut, Maku following behind. The Turaga met them not far from it. He said to the Matoran, “So, this is where you’ve been off to. Ahkmou, eh? I’m very glad to see you, very glad.” He turned to Ally, who was attending him, and said, “Ally! Get some of your fellow guardsman and put our friend Ahkmou in a secure place. I plan to meet with my fellow Turaga to discuss his fate.” “What’s there to discuss?” said Huki angrily as Ahkmou was led away. “He betrayed us to Makuta! He deserves to be pounded into dust!” “Ahkmou’s betrayal will not be without its repercussions,” said Turaga Onewa. “I assure you, he will be punished. But even a traitor may turn a new leaf.” And then, mostly to himself, he added, “I knew one who did.” He then started towards his hut, saying over his shoulder, “In the meantime, we have a more pressing issue to worry about.” “What would that be, Turaga?” said Maku as she and her two friends followed Onewa. “Toa Pohatu Nuva’s symbol has been stolen,” said Onewa. “I have no doubt that the goat-dogs may have assisted in the deed. The guards described the creature who stole it as being like a Bohrok, but looking slightly different.” “What are we waiting for?” said Hafu. “Let us summon the Chronicler’s Company at once! We will track down these thieves and—” “Patience, patience,” said Turaga Onewa. “Honestly, Hafu,” he said, “you have more hot air in you than a Ta-Matoran. Anyhow, this is a terrible tragedy not only in terms of the honor of the Po-Koro guard, but also of practicality. Once the symbol was stolen, Pohatu lost his elemental powers over stone. Meaning that we are now without a hero to defend us.” There was a silence for a few minutes, until Hafu spoke up, saying, “I told you we couldn’t trust the goat-dogs, Maku.” “You might be right, Hafu,” said the Ga-Matoran. “I think- I think I’d better get back to my village, to see if every is alright there.” “One adventure at a time, I suppose,” said Huki. “In the meantime, thanks for everything, you two. I really appreciate you coming with me, sharing in this adventure.” “Oh, it was nothing,” said Hafu before Maku could say anything. “Though, I suppose I’m deserving of some accolade.” “Great beings preserve us,” said Huki, shaking his head, Maku laughing. “Honestly, Hafu, you’re not going to be happy until you get an island named after you.” “I just want my fair share of the glory!” said Hafu to Huki. “I mean, I did help defend Kini-Nui, and I did bring down my own statue to save Po-Koro. I—” Maku shook her head as the two Po-Matoran continued arguing. We’ll never hear the end of it from him, she thought. Oh well, at least we caught Ahkmou, and we did have a good adventure. I guess I’d best be getting back to Ga-Koro now. Here’s hoping Toa Gali hasn’t befallen similar bad luck as Toa Pohatu. One adventure at a time, I guess. Right? The End Okay, so I know BS01 says that Ahkmou fled to Ga-Koro with the other Po-Matoran during the Bohrok War, but I don't think that he would have been so quick to return to Po-Koro. Ah well. I still have my stories. Also, I used Hewkii and Macku's pre-Naming Day names because this story takes place before the Rebuilding and the Naming Day ceremony. Anyhow, C & C appreciated. X-Ray

For all that you say about being "blatantly uninspired," I thought that this was a nice little tale. Sure, it lacks a central conflict, but I like how the characters contrast each other. One is hopeful and alert, the other depressed and sluggish. I feel that this would be a good prologue or interlogue to a good epic, if you're into that sort of thing. Maybe a combination of Robinson Crusoe and Dual Survival. At any rate, the concept is quite intriguing. You really should consider using this as a jumping off point for an epic, maybe using this story as a prologue before going back and exploring how they came to be stranded on the island, and then going on from there. What I'm sayings is that it's a good start, but any good start isn't anything without a whole to go with it. X-Ray

First off, thank you for reviewing my comedy. It's a great boon to my humble efforts. The reason I only use the word "said" a lot is because I read in the book You Can Write a Novel by James V. Smith that using words such as "countered" or "snorted" isn't the way to go. If you think that it's a good idea, I invite you to snort the word "yes." As for my humor, I feel that a lot of my better jokes were contained in the chapters in archive. A pity about the archive not working. Chapter 1 was about Katax getting hired, Chapter 2 was about Katax's first day on the job, and Chapter 3 was about Conjurer taking a turn answering phones at Dark Hunter HQ. I myself thought that Chapter 3 was my funniest. X-Ray

I would wager that BZPower's first act as the new owners of the LEGO Group would be to revive Bionicle. Quid pro quo. In all, heh, seriousness though, this was a pretty decent April Fool's Day joke. Ha ha ha. X-Ray

I don't believe I have a nickname per se, but GregF once called me X in a PM. X-Ray

This is a masterful piece. It is fascinating to see displayed in present tense Kopaka's "dark dreams." I don't know how we would know of Makuta, as he only heard of him when he spoke to Turaga Nuju, but oh well. There were times when I was slightly confused by whether Makuta was the robot, or if Kopaka was the robot. It would help if you defined your terms and stuck to one label consistently for each character. On the other hand, this was a remarkably surreal tale, telling in vivid detail what one of Kopaka's dreams might have looked like. I do not claim to be, strictly speaking, a fan of such stories, but this one was endearing to me. I also liked how you incorporated the opening lines of the first Bionicle comci book into the ending. That was a very nice touch. All in all, not too bad for your first post ever, I believe. X-Ray

Comedy: Bionicles at Work Author: X-Ray Status: Finished Chapters to be reviewed: 1-4 X-Ray

This, I must say, is very, very cool. A fie on Mega Blocks, however. X-Ray