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The Official Rpg Planning Topic


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793 replies to this topic

#601 Guest_ToaOfAwesome_*

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Posted Feb 07 2013 - 05:35 PM

-No NPCs... ugh, no. I'm used to RPs with only one character, but going straight-out and denying any form of NPC inclusion is, frankly, quite silly. NPCs are tools in the hands of a good writer, and to deny them to everyone is just extremely limiting.

 

(sry, i'm not sure how to quote a single part)

 

That part of the rules I really wish I'd elaborated on (along with the character part and the part about characters lying), because I didn't mean there weren't any, just that a player can't make any up (like guards, generals, or captives)

 

 

 

 

 

...First off, wouldn't it be better to call in reinforcements than try to rebuild a tank/turret from scratch, for example? Hypothetical situation here: let's say my entire tank is vaporized with a Hagah Plasma Cannon. The fact that I can then turn around and "repair" it from slag is just pushing the unbelievable.

 

That's another thing I've been trying to work around, thanks for pointing it out so I know the majority will realize it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, one last hypothetical situation: my overexcited Skakdi shoots himself in the foot while drawing his gun. That should probably not be a rule violation, especially since it's so amusing if played right.  :P

 

 
That wouldn't count as voluntary, and by "accidentally on purpose," I just meant if you do that to someone and your CHARACTER pretends it was an accident, so that would be okay. As a matter of fact, if this wins, I encourage you to do that... it would be hilarious :P

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To add on to this... if my hypothetical Toa of Plasma can slice through tank armor with plasma, can't said Toa of Plasma then climb into the tank and take over with ease? Saying "no hijacking" when someone with the right skillset (Toa of Magnetism, Lightning, Iron, even Plasma to a degree) can do so with ease within the RP's setting is extremely silly.

 

I've been leaning towards that more and more, so I think that could be pretty fun, and anybody who falls victim of it can probably pool up some awesome and take it back if they absolutely must.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since both you and Toa Levacius Zehvor said ultimately the same thing, I think I'll fix that stuff and try again. Thanks!

 

 

Oh, and for both of you, here is a map of Spearhead Rock with the grid, one of you were saying it looked like a Halo map. I'm too square to know what one looks like so see for yourself.

 

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Edited by ToaOfAwesome, Feb 07 2013 - 07:17 PM.

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#602 Offline -JL-

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Posted Feb 08 2013 - 08:47 PM

Your current version of Decisive Warfare is a video game, except it lacks a campaign, a co-op story mode, and then all the thrills of actual PVP on video games despite being based around video games.

 

Anyways, yay. I haz few ideas coming up.


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BZPRPG Profiles 2013


#603 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Feb 11 2013 - 03:43 PM

Okay folks, I've been working on this RPG for quite a long time now. There's already a good amount of information here, but that wasn't the main time taker; it's the stuff you don't see that's taken most of the effort, and is still a WIP. The RPG itself here is sketched out, but I still want to get everyone's opinion on what will make it better. What should be cut, added in, everything.

 

So, here it is -

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

MYSTERY

 

New Island Discovered!

 

After twenty years of planetary exploration, a new island has been discovered in the seas of Aqua Magna by a series of satellite images. Strange wind patterns and the chaotic weather of the region have prevented all attempts to reach the island by aircraft, but a research post has been established on a smaller island located two hundred Kio off the eastern coast.

 

The Universals who discovered island have dubbed it as Arcieram’Peridius [‘lost mystery’; ‘mysterious place that has been lost], or Windy Island for short. Contact with the remaining Turaga of Metru-Nui and an inspection of old charts reveals a place of similar geography to the island of Mata-Nui, and a series of unmanned probes launched from orbit have shown sources of protodermis intertwined with the natural landscape.

-The Editor

Year’s End, 652 NE

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Unlocking the Mystery!

 

We at DM-DN are proud to be your number one source of updates for everything happening on Spherus Magna, and in keeping with this tradition bring you the latest update on the newly discovered Windy Island.

 

In their latest press conference, the Spherus Magna Planetary Exploration Department has begun investigations of the island, and discovered a way to breach the hostile weather conditions surrounding the Windy Island. Despite failed early attempts to allow airships and sea craft to make the voyage, a single safe pathway has been identified in the water, large enough for specially designed submarines to pass through. Already, research camps are being set up on the island.

 

More information will be provided as we receive it – and remember, folks, that you heard it from us first!

 

-The Editor

Midyear 653 NE

 

The

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

The Lost Mystery – Found at Last!

 

A little over a year after its discovery, it has been deemed safe by the government for explorers and private researchers to make their way to the Windy Island – Arcieram’Peridius. Researcher’s Retreat, the island just to the east of it, is being settled as this is written down by the very first to see the newly found land. Fortifications are being established in case of unforeseen world.

 

Even now, treasure hunters, explorers, and scientists from all corners of the civilized world come in order to explore the new island. The first submarine is scheduled to leave the forward station next month, and take the first of this group to the newly discovered island. Mata-Nui’s speed to them all!

 

- The Editor

Starfall 654 NE

 

SETTING

 

Mata-Nui defeated Teridax, the planet of Spherus Magna was restored, and the inhabitants of the Matoran Universe (Univerals) generally got along well with the natives of the world. Things generally happened as they did in canon, only without Kopaka and Pohatu going to the red star. However, all characters taken by the Insane Great Being are still missing, along with the Inika.

 

The worlds largest superpowers are the Metru-Magna Coalition and the Alliance of Six Kingdoms; there are also many other countries, from independent to colony. Almost all weapons trade is controlled by the twos only rival, the Melting Blades Entente. At the moment, there is general peace amongst them; the only squabbles in recent years between the Coalition and Alliance have been diplomatically solved. It is with this peace that exploration has been made prevalent, and the discovery of a new island has been made.

 

Though officially called Arcieram’Peridius, the massive island has simply been nicknamed the Windy Island due to the turbulent weather conditions surrounding it. There is a smaller island nearby known as Researcher’s Retreat, and a settlement has been established along its western coast, along with a forward base.

 

You are among those who have come to the island. Your reasons are your own – but like all others who have come, this place is a mystery to you; a mystery for you to discover.

 

LOCATIONS: PART ONE

FORWARD OPERATIONS – RESEARCHER’S RETREAT

 

Due to the comparatively mild weather conditions and nice environment of the island east of Arcieram’Peridius has been dubbed Researcher’s Retreat. It is also known as the East Island, due to its positioning.

 

Vessels travelling to Researcher’s Retreat rarely encounter trouble. Getting to the Windy Island is the hard part. There is but a single path, only able to be navigated by submarine, which connects the two under the water. Leaving the path under the water is risky at best; on the surface, even warships can be shredded by the winds and waves.

 

On the islands western coast is a growing settlement called West Watch made up of some two thousand people who have chosen to settle and colonize the newly found island, and prepare to one day expand to the Windy Island itself. It has proven quite able to support itself with some outside support.

 

West Watch provides the opportunity to buy and trade, and many who plan on heading to the Windy Island use it as a place to plan and socialize before the trip. The settlement has dual leader; Turaga Elhmak heads the actual town and its people, while the scientific outpost located with it is under the control of its chief scientist, a Vo-Matoran named Jeiras.

 

Justo off the coast of West Watch is an isle that borders the underwater route. The entire island has been converted into a fortress by the Metru-Magna Coalition, and is guarded by a number of Glatorian and Toa under the command of Toa Krakua. It also garrisons a number of soldiers from other factions, but in lower numbers.

 

LOCATIONS: PART TWO

LOST MYSTERY – THE WINDY ISLAND, ARCIERAM’PERIDIUS

 

Arcieram’Peridius is a massive island, a little shy of half the size of Australia. It is a very peculiar location for a number of reasons –

 

  • It is composed of roughly 20% protodermis, something that should by all rights not naturally occur.
  • It has a shape suspiciously similar to the now destroyed island of Mata-Nui.
  • There is a rumor going about that satellite scans of the area in the past had not revealed the island; it simply appeared on the scans one day. The SMPED scoffs at this, but refuses to show older scans, insisting the area was never looked over before.
  • Ancient ruins cover the island in random places. The structures are very similar in design to the old sketches and records from the archives that showed the prehistory of Metru-Nui, along with many of the other older structures of the Matoran Universe.
  • While a few purely organic flora and fauna have been found, the vast majority are bio-mechanical – the landing site, for example, has ‘grass’ with blades composed of a very thin bio-metal, which is consumed by metal plated caterpillars which, when studied, eventually formed a cocoon and later emerged as armored butterflies with bat-like wings. Though not all of these creatures show traces of protodermis, many do.
  • The empty shells of Rahkshi and Bohrok are found littering the island, including a very large number of Rahkshi of Heat Vision, like the ones employed during the Battle of Bara-Magna six centuries ago.
  • There are signs of random elemental occurrences across the island – scorch marks across the landscape are one of the most obvious, though most are more subtle.
  • Floating islands. To put it simply, large pieces of rock – sometimes large enough to keep a small forest or a lake on – hover in the sky anywhere from twenty to two hundred Bio over the Windy Island. Sometimes, large areas of the ground where they appear to have ripped out can be seen below, or found with no island to be seen. Whatever force holds the islands in place makes it impossible to use elemental powers within a square Kio of them, sometimes more depending on the size. They also mess up compasses and most scanners. They tend to gather in clusters, and are surprisingly commonplace.
  • Though called the Windy Island, the weather doesn’t begin to act up until one gets some three Kio off the coast, or reaches the highest mountain tops. The unnatural weather is incredibly destructive, keeping the island quite isolated from the outside world.

 

These aren’t things noticed only by common people, and the numerous worldly governments have hired search teams and numerous research expeditions to travel the surface of the massive island. A rough map of the island can be seen by clicking the thumbnail below –

 

Posted Image

 

Brown = Desert /// Light Green = Hills, Plains /// Dark Green = Forest, Jungle

Red = Lava Flow /// Light Grey = Ice Covered Mountains

Dark Grey = Normal Mountains, Volcanoes /// Blue = Water

 

The areas of the island are fittingly referred to by names similar to those of their counterparts on Mata-Nui.

 

  • Ga-Wahi is the central-eastern area of the island, and it is one of the most hospitable and fertile regions of the island. It is also the best explored, and has only a few ruins or other distinguishing features in it. A number of research bases are found here, especially around the coastline.
  • Ta-Wahi is the mountainous region to the north of Ga-Wahi. There are two massive volcanoes in area, along with lava flows. Most of the area is coated in thick layers of ash. A few research bases can be found here. There are a number of ruins here.
  • Po-Wahi is the desert area that covers the northern region of the island. The largest ruins on the island have been found in this area, mostly buried under the sands. Archaeological dig sites are becoming commonplace here.
  • Ko-Wahi is the mostly frozen mountain range in the western area of the island. Few ruins have been found here, or research bases set up.
  • Le-Wahi is a very diverse area in the southern region of the island covered in forests, thick jungles, and murky swamps. Many ruins can be found here, and a high amount of the floating islands – some with ruins on them, even. Research camps are being set up in the region.
  • Onu-Wahi is the labyrinthine, underground tunnel network of caves that runs under the island. Very few have tried exploration.

 

Players must always be wary of randomly occurring attacks by both rivals from the mainland and the creatures that inhabit the island – some small, others strong and incredibly powerful.

 

PEOPLE & FACTIONS

THE LITTLE PEOPLE IN THE BIG WORLD

 

There are three major factions in the outside world, all attempting to take as much control as they can over the research on the Windy Island –

 

Metru-Magna Coalition: The Metru-Magna Coalition controls the most land and manpower of the factions, and is composed mostly of Matoran and Natives. Though the Coalition possesses numerous scientific advancements, it suffers in terms of advanced weaponry. They have maintained field advantages with the largest number of Toa among any group. The primary leaders of the faction are Toa Tahu and Chancellor Raanu.

 

Alliance of Six Kingdoms: The ‘Six Kingdoms’ that form this alliance are those of the Barrak-Kal – Pridak, Matnax, Kalmah, Ehlek, Malum, and the Shadow One. Though infighting was commonly early on, the faction has maintained stability much like an individual kingdom under the relatively even control of Pridak and the Shadowed One, the largest power players amongst the group. The Alliance possesses domination of the seas and powerful military forces, along with the largest diversity of species, but lacks the numbers and land of the Coalition.

 

Melting Blades Entente: The Entente was once a small alliance between Vortixx and Skrall, exchanging advanced weaponry for protection against attack. In time, many of the old Skakdi warbands joined as well, along with other surrounding kingdoms. Though none enjoy doing business with the Entente, both of the other major powers and many smaller nations are forced to do so, especially in times of conflict. The Entente’s leaders are Roodaka, Nektann, and Tuma; it is assumed most orders came from the first.

 

Due to the power each faction holds, nearly everyone residing on the island hails from territory claimed by one of the three. The Coalition had the most power on the island initially, as they discovered it, but the Alliance was quick to put their fingers as far in as they could. Behind both their backs, the Entente has purchased all but a few shipyards and docks, and taken control over who can enter or leave the island.

 

Players are encouraged to join up with each other; there are no necessary forms that need to be filled out to make a group and explore the island – just get out there and do it.

 

Within these spoiler tags are the more important NPCs that can be encountered –

 

Spoiler

 

TRANSPORT

ROLEPLAYING GAMES ON SPEEDERS

 

The Windy Island is huge, and unless you have a Kakama or Kadin, it will take a great deal of time to ransverse it. There are only a few large transport vehicles, as it takes a long time to bring all the pieces to the island. Luckily, there is one thing small enough to pass through – speeders; small vehicles that can be ridden by one or, in a pinch, two people at a time.

 

Every character on the Windy Island has a speeder, unless you really don’t want one for whatever reason. It’s pretty much essential – if you’re not moving on a speeder, or with some kind of speed boost, you’re going nowhere fast; thus, confined to one Wahi for nearly the entire game.

 

Speeders are incredibly versatile. Capable of moving across solid surfaces with ease, or heading straight up at an angle less than 70 degrees, or even achieving flight for a few minutes (long enough to reach the tops of the floating islands), they allow access to most anywhere on the island. Standard speeders can even move over the surface of water as long as they stay in motion.

 

Speeders function with a combination of Kanoka Disks and normal power sources that combine Native and Universal tech. They can move at incredible speeds, going as fast as 200 Kio per hour or faster. However, the design and safety precautions placed on them only go so far, and moving past that speed will cause physical damage. Speeders do nothing to improve reflexes, and speeds too great are dangerous in areas with numerous obstacles.

 

Speeders generally hover a few inches over the ground, and even when they’re not flying, they can propel themselves upwards up to ten feet in the air with a boost up. The standard look something like the speeders from Return of the Jedi.

 

GAMEPLAY

EXPLORING A SANDBOX RPG

 

Mystery is a sandbox RPG. This does not mean you can do everything you want – however, the island is true to its name. There are plenty of mysteries to unlock. You can come across minor things that are peculiar or strange to advance your character’s personal story as you feel necessary. If it seems out of place or too big, or you’re unsure, get permission from the GameMaster.

 

There are many ways to play through Mystery. You can do the obvious and explore the island to uncover its lost mysteries, both those of the players and the GM. This will help yield progress along the ‘main’ story the most, and will provide the best rewards like character ability improvement (if that’s what’s important to you).

 

You could also engage in the political debates between the factions of Spherus Magna from on Researcher’s Retreat. You could also attempt to keep it independent… or under your control.

 

While these are the major ways, it’s up to you how you want to play, and what kind of story you want to become part of.

 

CREATING YOUR CHARACTERSTEPS TO CREATE YOUR VERY OWN EXPY OF INDIANA JONES

 

You are allowed to have up to six characters, all made with the following form –

 

 

Name:

Gender & Species:

Description: Abilities:

Equipment:

Speeder Customizations:

History:

 

 

Keep your names like something that would fit in Bionicle.

 

Under the ‘Gender & Species’ heading, if the character is a Universal and has some form of elemental affinity, the prefix should be placed before the species (‘Male Ta-Toa’). There are no restrictions to gender due to elemental nature.

 

‘Description’ should describe your characters appearance and personality.

 

‘Abilities’ should describe your characters special skills, abilities, powers, and anything extraordinary. If they have any weaknesses, place them here as well.

 

‘Equipment’ should list all weapons and other items a character has. It’s generally assumed most characters also carry some other pack or packs to put things and to contain a few unlisted items, like a lightstone or two, but not any extra weapons or anything that doesn’t make sense for that character to have.

 

‘Speeder Customizations’ describes any specific traits or modifications to your speeder (unless you don’t have one). Don’t go overboard.

 

‘History’ should describe in no less than one hundred words the past of your character up to this point – where they came from, what they’ve done, and all of that good stuff. More importantly, it should describe why they’re on the island, and who they work for/with, if anyone.

 

RPG RULES

STANDARD ROLEPLAYING GAME ETIQUETTE

 

What are these rules?

 

1. Follow all BZPower and RPG Forum rules.

2. Do not godmod (autohit, autododge, bunny, gaining items out of nowhere, metagaming, etc.)

3. Do not make OOC only posts in the Discussion Topic.

4. Do not double post.

5. Comedy and romance are allowed, but the comedy must no be stupid or random, and shouldn’t break the mood; romances are required to be more realistic and less rushed than the Star Wars prequels.

6. Keep travel realistic. Do not instantly appear from one place to another. It’s a huge world! Use posts that detail your travel, and interact with other characters who are with you for some time before getting there. For the sake of moving the plot, you don’t need to wait for too long before you reach the next point in order to keep the story in motion. However, if your group is racing against a much closer group, you shouldn’t miraculously overtake them. That’s not right.

7. Get permission before doing anything that would majorly change the RPG.

 

Finally, when posting, posts must be done as such –

 

 

OOC: This is where you make statements ‘Out of Character’, and is not a necessary part of the post. Such statements address another player, rather than from one character to another.

 

IC: Character Name / Character Location

For each character you are making a post for, have a separate IC section (unless there are two in the same location, and you make it easy to determine who is being discussed). This is where you describe what a character does, what they say, what they see, and what they think. Tell it in third-person limited, or first-person if you’re one of those people.

 

 

Punishments for breaking rules are –

 

First Offense – Warning via PM! May be skipped if your crime was severe enough to warrant it.

Second Offense – Public warning!

Third Offense – At least one or your characters meets a terrible fate ranging from injury to death.

Fourth Offense – All of your characters meet some terrible fate ranging from severe injury to annihilation. You are down to two characters.

Fifth Offense – You lose all remaining characters and cannot make any more – you are no longer welcome in this RPG, unless enough of your fellow players vouch for you to be allowed back for a final shot at redemption with a final character.

Sixth Offense – There is no redemption for you.

 

GETTING INTO THE GAME

WHERE TO START PLAYING

 

The final note is getting into the game. Players may begin play in Researcher’s Retreat, or anywhere within Ga-Wahi. Wherever you start, get involved! Do something interesting, and don’t just sit around while waiting for the plot to advance! If you think something would be cool, do it. Otherwise, get together with someone else who is doing something. If these aren’t enough options, you can follow the actual story –

 

  • There is a large campsite set up in the Ta-Wahi region where a number of archaeologists are attempting to uncover the secrets of a larger ruin, which appears to be an ancient city. The Coalition funded expedition will be mounting soon.
  • Recently, another ruin quite similar to the first was found in the Ko-Wahi region, at its border with Le-Wahi and Ga-Wahi. It appears to be the entrance to a temple. None have entered it yet, though moves made by the Alliance suggest it won’t be long before it has been claimed.
  • One of the submarines making the trip from Researcher’s Retreat never completed the trip. No distress signals were sent, and occasionally a signal appears suggesting it may be intact…
  • Another submarine trip is leaving from Researcher’s Retreat to the Windy Island in short time, and preparations are being made now. It should set forth quite soon.
  • There are rumors of a massive dragon beast being spotted in the Ta-Wahi region, and a number of hunters are attempting to track it down.

 

There’s one thing I want nailed into everyone’s heads – if you’re entering the game, or just introducing a new character, there are better things to do than say ‘open for interaction’. This will be welcome at the start of the game, but after that, you should feel free to simply approach or run into another character and start up interaction. That’s the best way to get things moving.

 

With that said,

Levacius Zehvor


Edited by Toa Levacius Zehvor, Feb 11 2013 - 03:44 PM.

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dragon_age_coming_soon.jpg


#604 Offline Canis Lycaon

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Posted Feb 11 2013 - 08:35 PM

This RPG seems really good. I cannot think of any recommendations to make, other the Mantax is spelled wrong in the Alliance of the Six Kingdoms description. I really want to play this.


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I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#605 Offline ToaOfAwesome

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Posted Feb 18 2013 - 05:08 PM

I love this idea! I especially like the idea of having speeders, I think that's something players will enjoy a lot. Also, the warning system looks really good. I look forward to seeing where this game goes.


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Read my epic, The Chronicles of Masuko!

Or my comic, Mackron: The Vulture Warrior!


#606 Offline ToaOfAwesome

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Posted Feb 19 2013 - 09:09 PM

Okay, so I tried improving Decisive Warfare, and I couldn't keep the right feel without making it too video-gamey.

So I decided to come up with a title and build off of it. I brainstormed for a long time, and then I came up with this...

 

The Dead World

By Massimo A. Pisano A.K.A. Toa of Awesome

 

 

 

SETTING AND STORY

 

Hundreds of years ago, a large spaceship crashed on one of six moons orbiting a distant planet. Its survivors, who were in stasis during the crash, were stripped of their memory and forced to carve a life out of the harsh world they were marooned upon. Digging into the files of their ship’s database, they found legends of brave heroes and ruthless villains, and named their cosmic neighbors after characters favored by the appointed leaders.

 

The moon they crashed upon was named Nokama Magna, because it was covered in deep blue bodies of water that bore an immense population of sea creatures.

 

Their neighboring moon was named Tahu Magna, as it was alive with volcanic activity, and glowed red in the night sky.

 

The third moon was named Matoro Magna, because its icy shell reflected the sunlight, and it glowed much like Tahu Magna.

 

The next was called Iruini Magna, because its orbit was opposite to Nokama Magna’s, and it was slightly faster, so one night it may be on one part of the sky, the next time it might be on another, and then it might be gone, as though it was teleporting amongst the stars.

 

The fifth was called Tuma Magna, because it was the closest to Nokama Magna, so it looked almost as big as the sun, making it seem to dominate the sky.

 

The last moon was called Kini-Magna, because it was the brightest and had a gold halo, so the survivors revered it as sacred.

 

The sun was named Mata Nui, as it provided the survivors with the warmth that Solis Magna had once given them in their previous lives, even if they didn’t remember Solis Magna.

 

Last of all was the planet they orbited. Its atmosphere had a chemical in it that made its atmosphere translucent, allowing everybody who looked to see the barren remains of what had perhaps once been a beautiful world. Therefore, this was not named after a hero or a villain; instead it was named… The Dead World.

 

A new generation sprang from the survivors, and many others came next. Crosses between different species started to emerge alongside the purebred species and soon gained titles like Vortixx-Toa or Skakdi-Glatorian, which then became more official names like Votax or Skaritor. Eventually these beings started using information from the ship’s computer to make houses, spacecraft, mines, transport chutes, and then, one fateful day… weapons.

 

War soon broke out, and the beautiful peace was shattered, torn, and disfigured into factions, constantly warring over whatever they could think of. The battle spread to the other cosmic bodies, and soon into space. When the bloodshed needed more room still, a grim event took place. The war spread to The Dead World, the symbol of death itself.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Species

 

-Votax (Vortixx-Toa)

Votax are like Toa, except taller and slimmer than a purebred. Some have “hair” like Vortixx, however this is only prominent in females. Votax are very strategic and agile. However, their elements are slightly weaker than a purebred Toa. They can become Turaga, and start out as children, but cannot be spawned from a Matoran or Turaga and a Vortixx, because Matoran, Agori, and Turaga DNA is incompatible with any foreign species with the exception that Matoran and Agori DNA are compatible with eachother. Votax can use normal Kanohi, Vortixx Kanohi, or Votax Kanohi, however Votax Kanohi preform best on them.

 

-Vakrix (Vortixx-Skakdi)

Vakrix are giant towers strength, with the muscles of their Skakdi relatives and the stature of their Vortixx relatives. They do not have spine slugs, as they are foreign species, but, like with Votax, sometimes have “hair,” however this is not as rare, and is not exclusive to females.  They are only half as warlike as Skakdi, and only half as strategic as Vortixx. Female Vakrix specialize in strategy, and male Vakrix specialize in strength. Their elemental powers can be activated when in combination with anybody with elemental powers. Along with that, Vakrix have the ability to shoot Skakdi eyebeams. They also have the ability to shoot eyebeams. Vakrix can use Kanohi built especially for Vortixx, Skakdi, or Vakrix, however Vakrix Kanohi preform best on them.

 

-Skadoa (Skakdi-Toa)

Skadoa are like very muscular Toa. They do not have spine slugs, because they are separate creatures. However, Skadoa have been known to sometimes attach long artificial spines on their armor to represent spine slugs. They can become Turaga, and start out as children, but cannot be spawned from a Matoran, Agori, or Turaga and a Skakdi, because Matoran and Turaga DNA is incompatible with any foreign species with the exception that Matoran and Agori DNA are compatible with each other.  Skadoa have the ability to shoot eyebeams like their Skakdi relatives. Their elemental power is slightly stronger than others (except for purebred Toa), and when used with another person with elemental powers it is twice as strong. Skadoa can wear Skakdi, Toa, or Skadoa Kanohi, but Skadoa Kanohi preform best on them.

 

-Skrak (Skakdi-Skrall)

Skrak are destroying machines. The Skrall and the Skakdi are two out of a small group of the most vicious species that survived the crash. On average, they are roughly one-and-a-half times the size and muscle mass of a Skakdi. They are generally very warlike and crafty. Their faces resemble Skakdi more than Skrall, as the Skakdi “smile” is a dominant gene, and, like other Skakdi hybrids, have no spine slugs, but may use artificial spines for decoration. Skrak possess the ability to use eyebeams, like most other Skakdi hybrids. Even if the Skrall in their DNA came from their father, they still possess mild psionic abilities like the Sisters of the Skrall do, due to generations before crossbreeding. These psionic abilities are the same power the Mask of Psychommetry has (although the story only goes back as far as a week, but when used with a Mask of Psychommetry it can go back to before the material the object is made of became that object, and can be used on living things), being able to sense if somebody is under stress of some sort (fear, loss, anxiety, etc.), and being able to project and read other’s thoughts if the other person allows it (when used with a Mask of Telepathy it can break mental barriers weaker than a Toa of Psionics’). Their elemental powers can be activated when used with another being with elemental powers. Skrak can use Skakdi, Skrall, or Skrak Kanohi, however Skrak Kanohi preform best on them.

 

-Tralok (Skrall-Toa)

Tralok are strong, agile, fast, and clever. On average, they are a little more inclined to be “the bad guy” in a conflict than a purebred Matoran, Toa, or Turaga. They generally enjoy dark humor, and some have been known to at times do pranks, however this is more prominent in children and Le-Tralok. Although valiant loyal like a Toa, they can at times be a little antagonizing or impatient, especially during arguments, and are very clever and intelligent. Tralok have elemental powers like Toa, and can use Skrall, Toa, or Tralok Kanohi, but Tralok Kanohi preform best on them. They can become Turaga, and start out as children, but cannot be spawned from a Matoran, Agori, or Turaga and a Skrall, because Matoran and Turaga DNA is incompatible with any foreign species with the exception that Matoran and Agori DNA are compatible with each other. Even if the Skrall in their DNA came from their father, they still possess mild psionic abilities like the Sisters of the Skrall do, due to generations before crossbreeding. These psionic abilities are the same power the Mask of Psychommetry has (although the story only goes back as far as a week, but when used with a Mask of Psychommetry it can go back to before the material the object is made of became that object, and can be used on living things), being able to sense if somebody is under stress of some sort (fear, loss, anxiety, etc.), and being able to project and read other’s thoughts if the other person allows it (when used with a Mask of Telepathy it can break mental barriers weaker than a Toa of Psionics’).

 

-Skalor (Skrall-Glatorian)

Skalor are basically just Glatorian, but, like all others with Skrall DNA, have Psionic abilities from their ancestors. These psionic abilities are the same power the Mask of Psychommetry has (although the story only goes back as far as a week, but when used with a Mask of Psychommetry it can go back to before the material the object is made of became that object, and can be used on living things), being able to sense if somebody is under stress of some sort (fear, loss, anxiety, etc.), and being able to project and read other’s thoughts if the other person allows it (when used with a Mask of Telepathy it can break mental barriers weaker than a Toa of Psionics’). Skalor have slight elemental powers, which manifest themselves the same way they do with Matoran, except twice as effectively. Skalor exhibit the same traits as an average Glatorian, along with being muscular, agile, fast, and smart like the Skrall. They can wear Skrall, Glatorian, or Skalor Kanohi, but Skalor Kanohi preform best on them.

 

-Torianen (Glatorian-Toa)

Torianen resemble Toa, but also show many of the decorative traits that Glatorian armor has. They can become Turaga, and start out as children, but cannot be spawned from a Matoran, Agori, or Turaga and a Glatorian, because Matoran and Turaga DNA is incompatible with any foreign species with the exception that Matoran and Agori DNA are compatible with each other. Torianen can use Toa, Glatorian, or Torianen Kanohi, but Torianen Kanohi preform best. Torianen possess elemental powers like Toa, but they are slightly less powerful than a purebred Toa’s. They are naturally skilled at one on one combat, like a Glatorian would be in an arena. They are also a little more capable of surviving in harsh conditions, courtesy of their Bara Magna ancestors’ evolution. Most Torianen have the general personality of a Toa, being steadfast to their cause and trying to do what they think is right, but also have a bit of the lust for action cooked up by their Glatorian ancestors’ fighting in the arena.

 

-Glatoriax (Glatorian-Vortixx)

Glatoriax are like Glatorian, but they are much taller and smarter. They have limited elemental power, and some exhibit “hair” like Vortixx, however this isn’t always the case, and mostly occurs in females. They have personalities resembling that of a Vortixx, but are also very competitive, something usually attributed to Glatorian. They can wear Glatorian, Vortixx, or Glatoriax Kanohi, but Glatoriax Kanohi work best.

 

-Skakkan (Skakdi-Glatorian)

Skakkan are very energetic and a bit competitive (but not warlike, just easy to give an adrenaline high), with elemental powers about as potent as a purebred Toa’s, and magnified to almost five times as such when combined with another being with elemental powers. They are usually very strategic and powerful. Although they do not usually have the typical Skakdi “grin”, their masks have wider, more upwards pointing mouthpieces, which can be interpreted as a Skakdi grin. They are naturally tall and muscular, however they are not short or squat like most Skakdi. This makes for a slender body form with great muscle tone, allowing them to accomplish great acrobatic feats. They are capable of using eyebeams as well. Skakkan can use Skakdi, Glatorian, or Skakkan Kanohi, but Skakkan Kanohi work best.

 

-Matori (Matoran-Agori)

Matori do not look particularly like a Matoran or Agori, because the two already look a bit alike, so they just look like they can be either. They are hard workers like the Matoran, and good at adapting to harsh climates like Agori. Their elements manifest themselves the way a Matoran’s does, like resilience to fire. They can wear Matoran, Agori, or Matori Kanohi, but none of them work, anyway.

 

-Purebred Agori

It’s an Agori.

 

-Purebred Matoran

It’s a Matoran.

 

-Purebred Glatorian

It’s a Glatorian.

 

-Purebred Toa

It’s a Toa.

 

-Purebred Turaga

It’s a Turaga.

 

-Purebred Skrall

Purebred Skrall are just Skrall, but they have limited psionic powers because the only way they could be born is because of a female and male Skrall, and female Skrall were given psionic powers by Anona.

 

-Purebred Vortixx

It’s a Vortixx.

 

-Purebred Skakdi

It’s a Skakdi except with amazing new… well no, never mind, it’s just a Skakdi.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Factions

 

 

Mangai

The Mangai Faction is completely dedicated to protecting their people and the innocent and trying to make peace, thus gaining their name. It is ruled by a council of six that used to be a Toa team that fought for the Mangai Faction, and then succeeded the previous Toa-team-council. There are two consuls in this council, and the rest are tribunes. They share many of the same beliefs as the Aki and Rua Factions, so those are their allies.

LEADER BIOS

Consul Pammerok: Consul Pammerok is a male Torianen of Ice. He is not as much of a loner as most beings of ice. He is very calm, and that can sometimes be intimidating if he wants it to. Pammerok mostly specializes in military command, but he has some skill in diplomatic relations.

Consul Terrona: Consul Terrona is a female purebred Toa of Water. She, too is quite calm, but also has the natural traits of a Toa of water. She specializes in diplomatic relations, but has some skill in military command.

 

Aki

The Aki Faction is valiant and moral. They share many of the same beliefs as the Mangai and Rua Factions, and so the two are always allies. The Aki Faction also has a council with two consuls and four tribunes, but they were not originally a Toa team.

LEADER BIOS

Consul Thurok: Consul Thurok is a purebred Toa of fire who is a retired veteran soldier. He is still very skilled in combat, but after he was involved in the Avsa incident-possibly the most horrific and unnatural battle ever fought in this star system-he decided to retire and do something completely different. He now specializes in diplomatic relations.

Consul Timasii: Consul Timasii is a slightly young female Votax of iron who has a fiery attitude. She specializes in military command. She is a bit impatient with Consul Pammerok, especially since they have different approaches on warfare, but where they don’t butt heads they are great friends.

 

Jutlin

The Jutlin Faction is ruthless and powerful. It is mainly devoted to military and warfare. They currently have no moons under their control, but are warring over Tahu Magna with the Cordak Faction. They are ruled by a single leader. This leader is mainly a war leader, but he has some diplomatic skill.

LEADER BIO

Sparotrix: Sparotrix is a male purebred Skrall who spent his whole career fighting for the Jutlin Faction, then succeeded the previous leader after his death. He has the cunning, ruthless personality of a conqueror. His fiery attitude and short temper reinforce his decisions in warfare, but are not good in diplomatic relations, in which all he can use are his swiftly fading manipulative traits. Fortunately, some of the Factions such as the Mangai or Rua Factions understand this and try their best to work around it.

 

Cordak

The Cordak Faction is a highly destructive and warlike faction that is almost completely military-based. They are not as good in strategy as most, but the sheer quality and quantity of their troops is enough to send shivers down even the most confident general’s spine. They has the Hordika Moon under their control, which was built by them and the Hordika Faction to serve as a new home for the Cordak Faction, and are currently warring over Tahu Magna with the Jutlin Faction. They are ruled by a single figure, who is strong in the ways of military.

LEADER BIO

Gerrock: Gerrock is a male Skrak who inherited more of the dull and destructive Skakdi side than his more ambitious Skrall side. He is extremely strong in military, and has a large influence on his people, who look up to him as some sort of ultimate war champion. Even combat with Gerrock himself means business, as he is huge and strong, even for somebody with Skakdi DNA.

 

Hordika

It is commonly misinterpreted that the Hordika Faction named such because it seems to be very attached to nature. However, before that, the Hordika Faction used to use massive war beasts (usually Magnasaurs) that they would put giant mobile gunnery structures on the backs of, which troops would be transported in, and turrets were mounted upon. They still do that sometimes, but not as much. They are highly respected by all other factions except the Purebred Faction, which is their mortal enemy. They generally have great relations with every faction other than that one.Many scholars and historians find the history of the Hordika Faction fascinating. When the Faction Wars first started, the Purebred Faction kidnapped somewhere around four thousand crossbreeds (or “Mutts” as they called them), and forced them into slave labor on Iruini Magna. Six years later, two slaves, one a Torianen of gravity named Spurros, and the other a Votax of lightning named Remea led a rebellion against the Purebreds. Caught by surprise, the Purebred Faction’s forces desperately fought back, but were quickly overwhelmed. The leader of the Purebred Faction, who was humiliated by the defeat, expected to be executed, but was instead spared by the two beings, much to his dismay. Instead, Spurros and Remea (who the slaves had given the title of “The Liberators”) sent him and the rest of his armies away. The Purebreds, now with only Tuma Magna under their control, spontaneously assaulted Matoro Magna, which had been under Cordak Faction control at the time, and claimed it. The Purebreds then kicked out the Cordak Faction. When the Hordika Faction heard that the Purebreds had done this to the Cordak Faction (who the Purebreds were obviously desensitized to, as most of the members of that faction are either crossbreeds or Skakdi), the Hordika Faction charged to avenge the Cordak Faction and to deal an incredible lust for vengeance upon the Purebreds that they had been bottling up since their kidnapping. They quickly liberated the Cordak members who the Purebreds had made slaves, bringing every single one back safe and sound to the fleet of ships that the Cordak were now forced to take refuge in. The Hordika kept fighting, though. They trapped the Purebreds on Matoro Magna, and constantly attacked them, making sure they never wiped them out. They still do so to this day. During that time, they built an artificial moon for the Cordak tribe to live in, which was about a quarter the size of Nokama Magna, but enough for the Cordak Tribe to live in. These events gained them extreme popularity and respect from all the factions (except, of course, the Purebreds, who are now their mortal enemies, and the Avsa Faction, who had been cut off from all used communication frequencies), which gave them a good starting foundation. Spurros and Remea, who were later married, were regarded as heroes. The revolution and the avenging of the Cordak Faction became so popular in culture that the events have been portrayed everywhere. “The Liberators” are now the leaders of the Hordika Faction.

 

Rua

The Rua Faction is a faction of scholars, politicians, and artisans. Business and economy thrives here, and there are all kinds of amazing new tech here. It gets along very well with the Mangai and Aki Factions, and is renowned for its wisdom. It is ruled by a council of thirty-two, with two consuls and thirty tribunes.

LEADER BIOS

Consul Noriania: Consul Noriania is a wise and experienced female purebred Toa of water who is very good with diplomatic relations.

Consul Forjos: Consul Forjos is a skilled male purebred Glatorian of fire who has a strong sense of justice and is good in diplomatic relations as well.

 

Purebreds

The Purebred Faction is a faction that believes there never should have been any crossbreeding, and are all purebreds. They hate all crossbreeds, and anybody who supports them. Their mortal enemies are the Hordika Faction, which is completely made up of crossbreeds or “Mutts” as they call them. They own Tuma Magna and are fighting against the Hordika Faction on Matoro Magna. They have a single leader.

LEADER BIO

Fonomitus: Fonomitus is a male purebred Toa of fire. He is extremely bigoted to the “Mutts” and despises the Hordika Faction, particularly the Liberators, at a personal level because they humiliated him and gained the respect of all the other Factions. He has a short temper, but is very crafty.

 

Avsa

The Factions aren’t all that bad. Sure there are bigoted ones like the Purebreds, power-hungry ones like the Jutlin Faction, and even ones like the Cordak Faction that are just plain drunk with power. In truth, there is no truly “bad” or “evil” Faction… except of course, for the Avsa Faction. They are universally hated, and not really included as one of the Factions. They had always been a little bad since the Factions first came to be, but it was only until about twenty years later when it happened. It is referred to only as “The Incident”, and was probably the most gruesome battle ever witnessed by the eyes of any being in the star system. It all began one day on Tuma Magna. At the time, it was being defended by the Purebreds. The attackers: the Avsa Faction. It was a terrible, bloody battle, but nevertheless a seemingly normal one. It was mostly bad for the Purebreds, as after a few months it started seem that in each battle the Avsa soldiers were even stronger than in the last. The strange thing was that all the bodies, of both armies, were gone the next day. This enraged many of the Purebred Faction members, as they wanted to give the bodies proper burials, but the Avsa Faction ignored the numerous inquiries, and went on as though nothing was happening. For a while, the Purebreds just assumed the bodies were being stolen and used as trophies. Then, one day, the Purebreds threw a surprise attack on the Avsa Faction’s invasion headquarters… but it wasn’t the Avsa Faction that was surprised. When the Purebreds got past the walls and defenses, they were horrified to see the maddeningly grisly sight of thousands upon thousands of carcasses stacked in a mountain that covered the main square of the fortress. All around it, Avsa soldiers were hungrily devouring meat. Terrible theories nested in the attackers’ thoughts, and when they realized none of the bodies still had organic parts, the entire force turned around and ran out the fortress screaming. There was a huge tramp, and when they got back to the city wall, the guards stationed on the wall were terrified to hear the surviving troops gibbering about, among other insane things, cannibals and mountains of bodies. The Purebreds immediately broadcast the whole story on all frequencies, even ones only for immense emergencies. The distress signal was on every channel of every device of every place in the entire star system. A huge reaction arose. This reaction was… ridicule and disbelief. The other Factions chastised the Purebreds for making up such an absurd lie just to get support from the other Factions. But that was not to last. The Purebreds needed proof, but nobody wanted to go to the Avsa’s base to get it. So, they filmed numerous interviews with the soldiers, all of which ended in the camera having to be saved from the raging insanity the survivors had gained from the experience. It wouldn’t be enough, though, and the Purebreds knew that, so they got the footage by “poking the Muaka with a stick”, as it was later called. This meant taking a drone, attaching a well-protected camera to it, and launching it to the other side of the planet into the middle of the enemy’s HQ. It was calculated to be harder than trying to hit a target with a needle from two miles away, but with the help of rocket propulsion, this MacGyvered espionage cam caught the required footage. It was programmed to send out the footage on all channels, like the last one was, but this one broke every firewall, and so the entire star system saw the bodies live. An Avsa member then proceeded to drop his meat, walk over to the camera, and smiled. A single frame from that moment has been published and is now the most infamous photograph ever. It is of that single still image of the Avsa member, grinning at the camera, and knowing that everybody was watching. His mouth still had parts of the meat stuck to it, and his eyes glowed with insane evil. That very instant, the entire armies of each and every Faction were taken on spur-of-the-moment-notice from what they were doing, even if it was the middle of a battle. They were assembled and launched out without any preparation, just new weapons if they were broken, and bandages and disinfectant if they were wounded (the beings in the worst shape were left home in the hospitals). When they all got there roughly six hours later, the combined armies burst from their transports in no formation, and ran at their own speeds, weapons in hand. They ran and ran, and fortunately had been dropped off near the HQ. They stormed through the walls, trying desperately not to go mad at the sight. But the Avsa Faction no longer had anything to hide. They started to eat their attackers alive, growing tremendously in strength and power until they glowed green. They ravenously gnawed at the limbs of passing troops, then would dart away, sometimes leaving the troops still half alive. Despite the carnage, the Faction armies soon owon, but not without heavy casualties. The Avsa Faction was exiled into space, to live their lives in their spaceships. They were cut off from all frequencies, and have not been heard from since. So their they wait, living in their spaceships, feeding off of various animals. Nobody knows what made them like this, however many think that whatever it was happened sometime during the battle with the Purebreds. What matters is that they enjoy it. They are completely desensitized to living things. Their ability to eat others for superior energy is only temporary. The only problem is that once you’ve tasted the flesh… you can’t stop…

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Locations

 

 

The Dead World

Barren and lifeless, The Dead World is a terrestrial planet in composition, but is roughly seven times the size of our Earth. Because of its mass, it has a small ring system. At its center lies what’s left of its core, which was somehow extinguished many years ago, and is now a smoldering black rock that is slowly cooling. The surface is mostly made up of rocky landforms. There are no oceans on it, however there are great cliffs and depressions indicating that perhaps there were once oceans. Strange rock formations litter the surface, making it look desolate (which it is). Although there is hardly any scientific evidence, the planet looks as though a great fire swept across it and scorched the surface. On one part of the planet a large chunk seems to be gone, creating a large canyon called Valmai Nui that is visible from space. Nobody has ever explored it too far, but it has been shown that Valmai Nui leads to the planet’s core.

 

The Dead World is slow both on its axis and in its orbit. A day on The Dead World is about seventeen Earth days, and a year is about one and a half Earth years.

 

The Dead World’s atmosphere is almost completely invisible due to a mysterious chemical dubbed “Chemical X”. So far scientists have not been able to study this strange substance. However, the atmosphere is still breathable and able sustain life. When it is daytime, the sky looks like a night sky, but with a slightly green hue, which is more intense around the sun, but is not visible in front of the sun. When it is nighttime, it is completely clear, and you can see space clearly. Chemical X provides heat, making up for The Dead World’s lack of thermal energy from its core.

 

Locations Within The Dead World

 

Valmai Nui: This giant chasm stretches so deep into the planet that not even the sunlight reaches all the way down. It is the planet’s most prominent feature, and is a symbol of curses and tragedies, as it looks like part of the planet was brutally torn out. Inside it is a huge network of tunnels called The Unending Maze. Most of it has not been explored, but it is theorized that they go all the way to the planet’s slowly fading core.

 

Felnas Nui: So appropriately named the Matoran words for “Great Disruption,” this fifteen-mile-wide stretch of land is made up of massive cave systems, chasms, mountains, and landforms of all kinds. It is a very harsh place.

 

The Wastelands: The Wastelands cover most of the planet. There is nothing here but rock formations and dust. They are basically just anywhere that’s not somewhere.

 

Kraahkan Nui: Kraahkan Nui gained its name because it is almost completely dark there all day and all night. This is because it resides in the great shadow of a ring of mountains that has only one gap for you to enter. All the mountains point inward, so only once in a while will light touch the center of this place.

 

The Ring: The Dead World’s rings rotate around it in the direction that it spins on its axis, but the rings go about three-and-a-half times as fast. It isn’t easy to fly a ship through them, but then again, it’s not easy to fly a ship into them, either. They make a great hiding spot, but even though you don’t have to worry about enemies there, you then must deal with a much more ruthless foe, the crushing force of the asteroids.

 

 

Nokama Magna

Nokama Magna is about half the size of the planet Venus from our solar system (so if Earth were a basketball, Venus would be a soccer ball). It is covered in oceans bearing a variety of sea life, and is dotted with large islands harboring lush jungles. It is much like Earth or the Matoran Universe in appearance. Nokama Magna belongs to the Mangai Faction and the Aki Faction, who live together in peace.

 

Locations Within Nokama Magna

 

The Ocean: A large and deep ocean. Much like on earth, all the oceans are geologically connected. On Nokama Magna, all the oceans are considered to be one big one.

 

Tobduk Island: Tobduk Island is somewhere between the sizes of Metru Nui and Mata Nui. It was given its name because this is where all the survivors crashed hundreds of years ago. It is considered very important by all the factions, and therefore decided long ago that this island will never see bloodshed. Tobduk Island is under the ownership of the Mangai Faction and the Aki Faction.

LOCATIONS WITHIN TOBDUK ISLAND:

-The Spaceship: To this day, the spaceship that the survivors first crashed in lies in its place, as a reminder that there is someplace better out there. The part of its hull that said the name of the ship was scorched beyond legibility, so the survivors will never know the name of the giant metal beast that died for them. Like the island itself, the Spaceship is revered as sacred, and will never be harmed. On the anniversary of the crash, citizens from anywhere are aloud to come to it and tour the place. Its cockpit contains the main computer, which is also considered a sacred artifact, as it contains every thing they know, and the contents of which were published long before the rise of the Factions. At the foot of the colossus, the bodies of victims of the crash are buried.

-Tarrowick City: Tarrowick city is the first city ever built by the survivors. It is mostly rural, and the houses, having been built by the survivors, are made from a mixture of parts of the Spaceship, and things that Toa and Skakdi could make with their elements (crystal, iron, stone, wood, etc.) At the center is the town square, which has four paths. The first is The North Road, which leads to the Spaceship. Next is The East Road, which leads to the Capital. The West Road leads to the Amphitheater, where arts like writing, storytelling, carving, painting, and many other things were developed and enjoyed by the survivors. Last is The South Road, which leads to the other three cities.

-Fermok City: Fermok City presides near the coastline. It is the main docking port for Tobduk Island, and has many taverns, shops, and small fishing businesses.

-Skeealor City: Skeealor city is also near the coastline, but there is no docking port because it is surrounded by a small mountain range. There are many mines, workshops, and blacksmiths here, making it a good place for making tools and vehicles.

-Neleero City: Neleero city is very small, but technologically is very up to date. It is home to many hangars, transport hubs, laboratories, and the Tobduk Island University. There are many diners and restaurants here, too.

 

Strock Island: Strock Island is a very rocky place with gaping cliffs and towering mountains. It is the biggest island, but has less life on it as its size makes it harder to find water. However, a giant lake called The Nui Lake marks the center. Many sea animals and land animals like ganfa, burnak, and various lizards live both on the coastline and around the lake, which is hidden by a thicket of forestry surrounding it. It was the first island other than Tobduk Island ever discovered by the survivors. It is under the control of both the Aki and Mangai Factions.

LOCATIONS WITHIN STROCK ISLAND

The Nui Lake: The Nui Lake is about an eighth the size of Lake Ontario. It harbors many sea creatures and is a freshwater lake.

The Nui Islets: The Nui Islets are seven small islets inside of Nui Lake. There are miniature jungles on some, and there is even a mountain on one, too.

Kualsi Port: Kualsi Port is a port on a cape jutting out of Strock Island. It is the closest part of the island to Tobduk Island, thus earning its name. It is very much like Fermok City on Tobduk Island.

Kaukau City: Kaukau City got its name because it is completely underwater. Located in the Nui Lake, it is a complex network of tunnels, rooms, and giant atriums with nearly unbreakable glass dome ceilings that ultimately forms a city underwater. It is the only official way (aside from boat) to get to the Nui Islets

Huna City: Located in the dense forestry around The Nui Lake, Huna City got its name because it is extremely hard to see it through the vegetation unless you’re in it. It is much like Le-Koro from Mata Nui, as it is made up of tree houses of sorts and ground villages with buildings built into tree trunks. It has many houses and small vendors pestering tourists to buy their souvenirs; after all, you have to go through them to get to the rest of the cities!

 

Borak Island: Borak Island is a small island with heavy rainfall. It is full of canyons, caves, and plateaus. It is heavily fortified, and is used chiefly as a military base by The Mangai and Aki Factions, to which it belongs.

LOCATIONS WITHIN BORAK ISLAND

Borak Fortress: Borak Fortress is a massive fortified complex that some soldiers even live in. It is owned by the Mangai and Aki Factions, and is highly impervious to attack. It is actually one of the most fortified places in all the moons of The Dead World. It is located at the very center of Borak Island.

Kadin Fortress: Kadin Fortress is owned by the two factions in control of the moon, but is inhabited by the Mangai Faction. It got its name because it is where most of the war spaceships are held.

Pakari Fortress: Pakari Fortress is also owned by both factions, but is inhabited by the Aki Faction. It is lined with gunnery and most of the buildings within its walls are troop barracks, earning it its name.

 

The Terratacoy Islets: The Terratacoy Islets are hundreds of large rocks and Islands in the middle of The Ocean. The most famed ones are used sometimes as military bases by the two factions that jointly own all of the Terratacoy Islets, Aki and Mangai.

LOCATIONS WITHIN THE TERRATACOY ISLETS

Spearhead Rock: Spearhead Rock is a roughly triangular rock that is very hard to attack by sea, as it is bigger at the top than at the bottom. It has a flat top, which is convenient for launching spaceships from or stationing troops on.

Junva Mountain: Junva Mountain is a tall mountain that juts out of the water. It has a pathway that was built into it and that leads to the flat part near the tip. Junva Mountain is often used to train troops at the top of, and a small unnamed barracks and a port has been built there. The two are referred to simply as “Junva Barracks” and “Junva Port”.

Canito Rock: Canito rock is the biggest of the Terratacoy Islets, and is about a quarter the size of Honolulu. It too has an unnamed barracks and port referred to as “Canito Barracks” and “Canito Port”.

Tower Cliff: Tower Cliff is a tall pillar of rock about two-hundred-and-fifty feet tall and a-hundred-and-fifty feet wide. At the top, and observatory named “Tower Cliff Observatory” is used to observe stars and, in the case of an orbital battle, fleets.

The Arch: The Arch is an arch-shaped rock formation that is very tall and has stood for hundreds of years. It is possible to launch spaceships from the large and flat bases of its two great end points.

 

 

Tahu Magna

Tahu Magna is a fiery and volcanic moon that glows with the lava flows and fires that dwell upon its surface. Where oceans of water may be on one planet, large oceans of molten rock reside. The “islands” are composed mostly of black volcanic rock, contrasting greatly with the red glow of lava. The sky is always black with clouds ash, the only light source being the glow of the lava itself, making every day seem like dawn. Regardless of the heat, it is safe to live there as long as you stay far enough inland. The ash is kept away from the surface by machines built when the planet was first claimed by the Jutlin faction, who promptly abandoned Tahu Magna to try and win a battle to claim Nokama Magna, which they immediately lost. The moon itself is calculated to be nine tenths the size of Nokama Magna. It is currently being warred over by the Jutlin Faction and the Cordak Faction.

 

Locations Within Tahu Magna

 

The Jutlin Hemisphere: The Jutlin Hemisphere, also referred to as “The Jutlin Half” or “The Jutlin Side”, is mostly made up of an unnamed solid landmass with a volcano at the very center who’s lava flows become rivers that divide the landmass in three. It is the part of the moon that the Jutlin Faction arrived at when they first came here.

LOCATIONS WITHIN THE JUTLIN HEMISPHERE

Jutlin Fortress: Jutlin Fortress is a huge fortress, much like Borak Fortress on Nokama Magna, and is equally as strong. It is also the home of the leader of the Jutlin Faction.

Jutlin City: Jutlin City is where the citizens of the Jutlin Faction live. It is a massive city, almost three times as large as Jutlin Fortress, and is protected by a fortified wall lined with defenses. It is filled with factories (many of them weapons factories), houses, vendors, taverns, and battle training schools.

 

The Cordak Hemisphere: The Cordak Hemisphere, also referred to as “The Cordak Half” or “The Cordak Side”, is mostly made up of a massive swarm of islets and islands. They surround the Tahu Magna Super-Volcano, a huge sheild volcano about the size Puerto Rico.

LOCATIONS WITHIN THE CORDAK HEMISPHERE

Cordak Fortress: Cordak Fortress is a fortress equally as powerful and massive as the Jutlin Fortress. It is also the home of the leader of the Cordak Faction.

Cordak City: Cordak City is pretty much nothing like Jutlin City, as it is spread across thousands of individual “shards”. The islets that the City is made up of are linked on every side by bridges, and have buildings wherever they fit. It resembles Xia here, but it is more accustomed for living here, and the buildings, although as tall as skyscrapers, are at the very least twenty feet apart. Cordak City also is filled with industry, houses, businesses, and all the other things that they have in Jutlin City. The wall around it is a network of tall segments of wall that link the surrounding islets together in a ring around the city. There are dams in these walls to let out the constant lava flows pouring from the top of the Tahu Magna Super-Volcano.

 

 

Matoro Magna

Matoro Magna is an icy place about the size of Tahu Magna. In the sky, its ice reflects the sunlight, making it look like a giant star. Its atmosphere is breathable, but the cold is so bad that only beings impervious to cold can be there without some sort of protection. It is below zero in the summer, and even colder in the winter. It is very bright in the daytime. It resembles our Earth’s north and south poles very much, except its days are 35 hours long. Matoro Magna is currently being fought over by the Rua Faction (the original owners) and the Hordika Faction (the attackers).

 

Locations Within Matoro Magna

 

The Tundra: Much like The Wastelands on The Dead World, The Tundra on Matoro Magna is just everywhere that isn’t somewhere. It is mostly composed of snow and mountain ranges. There is no water under the ice, just rock.

 

Timara Sea: The Timara Sea is a large body of freezing cold water about twice the size of Lake Superior. It is covered in giant glaciers that are a mile wide on average, so from far away the blue water is barely visible. The Timara Sea is what separates the Hordika Faction from the main cities.

 

Setar-Manau Chasm: The Setar-Manau Chasm is a massive crack in the moon that is surrounded by various mountain ranges. It goes far into the moon. The Setar-Manau Chasm is about 153 miles deep, 221 miles wide, and 387 miles long.

 

Coraliac City: Coraliac City is a very modern city owned by the Rua Faction. There are many buildings here, all close together. The city temperature is controlled a huge energy field that curves like a dome over it. It is surrounded by a massive wall with defenses and gunnery lining it to keep away the Hordika Faction.

 

Pamnu City: Panmu City is a city owned by the Rua Faction. It has an energy field and wall just like Coraliac city, and is the smallest city. It too is very modern, but not too high-tech.

 

Tharzim City: Tharzim City is the biggest city. The Rua Faction owns it. It is about as modern as Panmu City, and is also surrounded by an energy field and wall. This is also where the leader of the Rua Faction lives.

 

Zandigo City: Zandigo City is a currently evacuated city that is being fought over by the Rua and Hordika Factions. It is medium in size, and, like all others, has a wall and energy field.

 

Scanarilax City: Scanarilax City is a city owned by the Hordika Faction that was taken from the Rua Faction by surprise when the Hordika Faction first arrived. The Hordika Faction has decided not to put civilians in the cities they conquer until they have the majority, so Scanarilax City is currently being occupied by troops and being used as a barracks.

 

Manitarico Fortress: Manitarico Fortress is a fortress owned by the Rua Faction. It specializes in troop training and deployment. Many troops live here. It is the largest of the two fortresses.

 

Famantipso Fortress: Famantipso Fortress is a fortress owned by the Rua Faction. It specializes in vehicle building and deployment (particularly spaceships).

 

Sturok Battlefield: Sturok Battlefield is one of the two battlefields being fought over. It is near the chasm and has a considerable protodermis supply. It is not claimed at the moment.

 

Teranalk Battlefield: Teranalk Battlefield is a massive glacier floating in the Timara Sea, possibly within the top five biggest. It is so big that it looks like you are standing on normal land. There are a couple of small mountains made completely out of ice on it, even, along with a huge and complex labyrinth of a cave system inside of the part underwater. Nobody knows where this cave system ultimately leads, if anywhere. It is not currently owned by anybody, but is in an important spot that is directly in between the two sides.

 

Terok Base: Terok base is a headquarters built by the Hordika Faction. It is currently their base of operations and is heavily fortified. It is also where the leader of the invasion lives currently.

 

 

Iruini Magna

Iruini magna coincidentally turned out to be a jungle moon, supporting its name even more. It is approximately one and a quarter the size of Nokama Magna. All the land on it is covered in jungle, and there is slightly more land than water. It may seem like the presence of more land than water would make most of the land desert, but fortunately for the plants, there is a huge underground network of tunnels filled with water, about a mile and a half under the ground on average (not counting mountains, whose biomes rely on rainfall). There are geysers here and there where the water erupts from the ground. The water comes from the oceans, which are small and mostly freshwater. The plants that grow around geysers that spew saltwater are evolved to live on saltwater instead of freshwater. Their unique forms warn animals not to drink the water in the geysers and lakes surrounding. However, some land animals have also evolved to drink saltwater and eat saltwater plants. This network goes through all the land, because all the land is connected and the oceans are not, making it like the reverse of Nokama Magna. The oceans on Iruini Magna are mostly depressions in the land that the tunnels lead directly to. Iruini Magna is currently claimed by the Hordika Faction. It is where the Hordika Faction keeps most of its civilian villages and is its base of operations as well. This makes the moon important to the Hordika Faction, but in no way prone. It is possibly one of the most protected cosmic bodies in the system, and yet the ways it defends itself are so sneaky that even the destruction of an invading fleet in orbit wouldn’t disturb life in the villages at all unless one was attacked, which is highly unlikely. This is the way the defenses were made to be like, so that life will go on as normal and only the fighters have to fight. It is a system many other factions have tried to master, but to no avail, in part because nobody--not even most people in the Hordika Faction military--knows how it even works!

 

Locations Within Iruini Magna

 

Carituyock Sea: The Carituyock Sea is the biggest of the seas. It is a freshwater sea, and provides most of the freshwater used by the plants. The Stithera Mountains form a part of the northern coast of it, making it easy to get water when in those particular mountains.

 

Therileah Sea: The Therileah Sea is the smallest of the seas. Part of it branches into the Skuraid Valley. It is about a sixth the size of the Carituyock Sea. It is a freshwater sea, and many rivers branch off from it, providing water to the Hordika Faction’s cities and villages.

 

Panniterri Sea: The Panniterri Sea is one of the seas on Iruini Magna. It is about a third the size of the Carituyok Sea. It is a saltwater sea, meaning it is surrounded by odd plants and animals that are evolved to live on saltwater… and each other. Because the life forms here, no cities, villages, or roads are near here.

 

Manerik Sea: The Manerik Sea is surrounded by cliffs, making it difficult to travel to the other side of it by sailing through. Between the water and the cliffs is a sort of indentation with entrances to dried up tunnels.

 

Saiyatua Sea: The Saiyatua Sea is a sea about four times the size of the Therileah Sea. It is saltwater like the Panniterri Sea, and so has no roads or cities near it for the same reason.

 

Thimava Jungle: The Thimava Jungle is the bigger of the two distinct jungles on Iruini Magna. Although technically Iruini Magna’s land is covered in all one jungle, various landmarks such as mountains, valleys, and bodies of water, cause them to be considered as three separate masses of vegetation nicknamed “The Great Green Masses”. It is not as dense of forestry as the other Great Green Masses, giving it many clearings. There are also barely any dangerous creatures around. Along with that, there are no known saltwater geysers. Because of these things, it is the main hotspot for villages and cities.

LOCATIONS WITHIN THE THIMAVA JUNGLE

Suapada Village: Suapada Village is a village located near the heart of Thimava Jungle. It resembles Le-Koro from Mata Nui in many ways. It has many huts on the ground, some for living, others for business. In the trees are wooden platforms built around the trunk. These platforms have defense systems, observatories, and other things that must be high up. Suapada Village is mostly rural, but has many modern communication and transport systems to keep in touch with the rest of the cities. The only other high-tech thing they have here is the defensive wall, which surrounds the village.

Manuatuva City: Manatuva City is a large and modern city built in a large clearing. It has vertical farming buildings with “garden domes” (; at the top, and run off of the freshwater in the tunnels below. There are a few businesses here, but overall this place is more made for living in than working in. This place, too, has a wall and defenses, but the defenses concealed underground.

Poriphae City: Poriphae City is also large and modern like Manatuva City. Unlike Manatuva City, however, this place specializes more in business, so there are still many houses, but there are a lot more restaurants, vendors, shops, and factories than in the other city. It is located on the outskirts of the jungle, in the place touching the Manerik Sea, its main source of water. Like in the other city, Poriphae City has concealed defenses underground, and a wall surrounding it.

Tenrehnon Fortress: Tenrehnon Fortress is a huge and modern fortress located well within the jungle, but not as far as Suapada Village. Here they have all kinds of defenses, barracks, and armories.

 

Shemock Jungle: The Shehmock Jungle is the smaller of the two jungles. It has many saltwater geysers, so it is generally avoided and has no villages or cities. Anybody familiar with this place would tell you stay away from it at all costs. When the Hordika Faction first took control of this place, there had been no colonies, because the explorers landed in this forest, and assumed everywhere was this bad, so they cautiously landed. Unfortunately, they landed in the Thimava Jungle, and assumed that the explorers were mistaken about the dangers, so the Hordika Faction foolishly tried to build a base here. The Hordika Faction figured out the saltwater geyser versus freshwater geyser thing way too late, and by the time they tried to warn the base, everybody was gone. Its ruins still lie here today.

 

Tura Rainforest: The Tura Rainforest is a huge rainforest, and is the largest of the Great Green Masses. It is all freshwater geysesrs, so weird animals are not something you have to worry about. It is also a highly unconventional place to build villages and cities, as there are no clearings, so there are none of those here. However, the main capital of the Hordika Faction lies deep in the forest where it is incredibly hard to attack it. This capital is called Thurkonda Castle.

LOCATIONS WITHIN THE TURA RAINFOREST

Thurkonda Castle: Thurkonda Castle is the main capital of the Hordika Faction. It is unarguably up there with the most fortified and protected places in the star system. It is also the largest city-village-fortress-etcetera-thing on this moon. It is very high tech, and really doesn’t look like a castle. There are hundreds of launch pads, hangars, barracks, and armories here, along with a huge concealed array of ion cannons that can scope and disintegrate any unwanted visitors from orbit. These cannons have a Kanoka forged out of the Kanoka used to make Kanohi Elda attatched to their cameras, allowing them to spot people using a Kanohi Iden, Huna, etc. This is also the place where the leaders of the Hordika Faction live.

 

Stithera Mountains: The Stithera Mountains are a massive mountain range that ultimately wraps around the entire moon. It branches off in many places, and carves the borders of many landmarks such as seas, sections of forestry, etc.

 

Muavataii Nui: Muavataii Nui is a shield volcano, meaning it is wider than it is tall, because eruptions have dried upon its slopes, making it bigger and bigger until it looks like a squashed dome. Its crater holds a vast biome, kept moist by rain and water tunnels, as they all seem to end here. Strangely, it is not only dormant, but also unable to erupt. It has no magma anywhere in it, which is good because an eruption from it is calculated to flood the entire moon with lava. It is theorized that the network of water tunnels used to be filled with lava, and that Iruini Magna used to be a very uninhabitable place, but that sometime billions of years ago, a massive asteroid with frozen water smashed into it and formed the Manerik sea, cooling and drying the lava, filling the empty tunnels with water (which filled the other seas up), changing the atmosphere composition, giving it an ozone layer, and ultimately enabling life to form. Muavataii could be described, therefore as a “water volcano” (but that doesn’t mean it can erupt in water, it can’t).

 

Skuraid Valley: Skuraid Valley is a valley within the Stithera Mountains. It is not actually very big, but it has many freshwater geysers and a big freshwater lake, giving it a large and stable biome. Many consider this place peaceful and sacred for its tranquility.

 

Stirra Plateaus: The Stirra Plateaus are massive plateaus with biomes on top of them. The Hordika Faction has hid defenses in many of them, but some are completely unexplored. There are no cities or villages because they would be too hard to evacuate from the plateaus in an emergency. It is suspected that a few may have saltwater geysers.

 

 

Tuma Magna

Tuma Magna is not only the closest moon to Nokama Magna but it is also the biggest. Its atmosphere glows reddish on the outside, and underneath it is a rocky place. There are no oceans, the rain is the only thing that keeps the place moist, and even that dries up quickly. It is not hot here, nor is it cold. There is no life here, just rocks. It is a boring place, made of the same blackish rock everywhere you look, and with a light mist. The skies are always grey and overcast, and it is never dark at night. There are no seasons; the temperature is just normal and unnoticed. People with the element of sonics complemented on the absolute silence when they first arrived, but nevertheless enjoyed the place as little as everybody else. A crewmember the first explorer ship to come here described it as “nowhere everywhere forever”. The Purebreds Faction owns Tuma Magna, because nobody else wanted the place, so they took it by simply landing there, putting a flag into the ground (that was figurative because they tried to do that, but there was no soil, so they just got out a stand and stood the flag on the ground), and say “we own this moon”. The Purebred Faction has never taken advantage of their proximity to Nokama Magna, because the factions have each sworn never to harm the planet or fight on its soil. To prove that they would respect this, the Purebred Faction built their colony on the side of Tuma Magna that faces away from Nokama Magna.

 

Locations Within Tuma Magna

 

Purebred Colony: Purebred Colony is a massive all-in-one country that covers an area about the size of Texas. At the center is the capital, where the leaders of the faction live, and all around it is a huge unorganized mess of houses, shops, factories, barracks, labs, defenses, launch pads, transport hubs, and all kinds of other things a country might have. A huge wall that is lined with defenses surrounds it.

 

 

Kini-Magna

Kini-Magna is just as beautiful inside as it is outside. It has many lush forests and tranquil seas and oceans. The islands harbor sparkling rivers and golden rock faces that create beautiful snowcapped mountains. There are chirping birds in the sky and grazing animals on the ground. In the seas are schools of silvery fish, and in the trees are colorful and flavorful fruits. The day brings blue skies with puffy white clouds and a bright sun. The night brings quiet skies with bright stars shining. For obvious reasons, Kini-Magna is regarded as a paradise. Nobody owns Kini-Magna, and nobody ever will. It is not allowed to be visited unless granted permission from a leader, and nobody can live there. The only times it is ever visited are for retreats when a leader is stressed enough that he or she is unable to do his or her job, or during diplomatic meetings of great importance. These meetings can only be held in the presence of all of every faction’s leaders. However, the Avsa Faction has become an exception, and is never notified of these meetings. If they ever came, some say they may personally leave the place immediately. No faction can visit this place by themselves.

 

 

Space

Everybody knows what space is. The only people who actually live here are the Avsa Faction, which was exiled and forced to live here in their many ships. That of, course is not a problem for them, all they care about is whether or not they get to kill anybody, and everybody else knows it. So they roam around randomly, waiting for somebody to make the biggest and last mistake of their lives… cross the Avsa Faction’s path.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Character Creation

 

Use this template to create your character:

 

NAME: It must be appropriate, Bionicle-like, and not already taken.

SPECIES: (It can be any species, even crossbreeds-only the listed ones of course-, but no crossbreeds of crossbreeds, it’ll get too confusing. You can have one or both of the parents be a crossbreed, but you can only use one side of the DNA from them. For example, a Votax, and a Skakken make a Vortixx-Skakdi.)

FACTION: (Choose now! You cannot try to join the Avsa Faction, or they will eat your face off. If you are in the Avsa Faction, you are not able to leave (you don’t want to, the thing making you eat people is like a drug, except not only are you unable to stop, you’re unable to want to stop!) and you are a hungry evil vampire thing, and no, not the kind that sparkles. Also, do not join the Purebreds if you are or are related to a crossbreed, they would not let you in!)

AGE: (OPTIONAL, must be reasonable)

ELEMENT: (can be, fire, ice, water, stone, air, plantlife, earth, sonics, magnetism, iron, gravity, plasma, crystal, lightning, psionics, or sand)

WEAPON(S): (must be reasonable, and you can only have up to three. This does not include shields, equipment, etc.)

KANOHI: (must be one of the ones listed in the BZPRPG character creator)

DESCRIPTION: (must be vivid, use a picture or both if needed)

VISION POWER: (for Skakdi or crossbreeds with Skakdi DNA only)

PERSONALITY:

BIOGRAPHY: (must make sense, and must correspond with faction, for example, only former “Mutt” slaves can be in the Hordika Faction)

HOMEWORLD: (must be corresponding with biography and faction)

Any other information deemed relevant.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Rules

 

1. Follow the BZPRPG rules and BZP rules (but if one of the BZPRPG rules conflicts with the following, follow the following)

 

2. You can use a “Taxi” spaceship, or get on a spaceship for war or some other purposes. You may also buy one, or obtain one in various other ways.

3. YOU CANNOT SURVIVE IN SPACE! Since it is a common misconception that it is possible to survive there without a space suit for a split second, here is a description of what would really happen (by various agreeing sources like NASA.gov and that aren’t Wikipedia):

 

First, the vacuum would cause nitrogen bubbles in your blood, which would be EXTREMELY painful. Next, the liquid parts of your tongue and eyeballs, your blood, and all the other liquids in your body, would turn to gas. Because of this, there would be no blood coming to your brain, it would shut down, and with the help of the elements (or lack of some of them), you would be<

Edited by ToaOfAwesome, Feb 19 2013 - 09:28 PM.

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#607 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Feb 19 2013 - 09:48 PM

'Kay, I gave this a quick read-over. There are a few things that stood out the most...

 

Namely - how in oblivion are a bunch of biomechanical species with no form of reproductive organs and, as a matter of fact, a body formed primarily of mechanical parts. Please explain this to me. Sure, the native species could, being mostly organic, but that hardly needs to be major plot point. If a character wants to play as a Glatorian with a Skrall ancestor then that's their choice.

 

Oh, and on that note, I would think that a Bionicle being could survive in the vaccum of space for some time considering it happened in the canon. At the very least if they happened to have a Toa of Air with them.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:


Edited by Toa Levacius Zehvor, Feb 19 2013 - 09:48 PM.

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#608 Offline ToaOfAwesome

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Posted Feb 19 2013 - 10:08 PM

'Kay, I gave this a quick read-over. There are a few things that stood out the most...

 

Namely - how in oblivion are a bunch of biomechanical species with no form of reproductive organs and, as a matter of fact, a body formed primarily of mechanical parts. Please explain this to me. Sure, the native species could, being mostly organic, but that hardly needs to be major plot point. If a character wants to play as a Glatorian with a Skrall ancestor then that's their choice.

 

Oh, and on that note, I would think that a Bionicle being could survive in the vaccum of space for some time considering it happened in the canon. At the very least if they happened to have a Toa of Air with them.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:

Well, the reproduction thing I really tried to stay away from, but I tried it, and by the time I was done I had a whole bunch of awesome plotlines, but some of them revolved on crossbreeds. I got the idea from where in the BZPRPG rules they said something about non-Bionicle traits being allowed, and that gave me an idea to apply that to this and play around with the idea of crossbreeds.

 

Also, I forgot about the canon surviving in space thing, thanks for reminding me.


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#609 Offline More Fierce Than Fire

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Posted Feb 20 2013 - 05:01 PM

I question whether you really need eight factions. What exactly is the difference between the Mangai and Aki? Or the Jutlin and Cordak?


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#610 Offline Canis Lycaon

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Posted Feb 20 2013 - 07:40 PM

Okay, I am really going to review this RPG. First of all, this is a problem through out, there is too much information in a lot of spots.

 

Species:

First of all, I think that the as an explanation for crossbreeds, you should use cloning. The clones are part one species and part one another. It makes a bit more sense than actual crossbreeds. Next, you eighteen different playable species. I recommend removing some. I am not sure which ones are unnecessary, so you should choose.

 

Factions:

Like LoAB said, eight factions is a bit too much. I recommend combining the Mangai, Aki and the Rua into one combined faction, and the Cordak and the Jutlin into another. This would cut the factions down to a reasonable five. Then, you should make the paragraphs on the Hordika and the Avsa smaller. You could add paragraph breaks into them, but right now, they are too long, especially compared to the other Faction's paragraphs.

 

Locations:

You have a great deal of information on the locations, and unless you want to remove one or more of the moons from play, I really see no way to cut the list down.

 

Rules:

You don't have many rules right now. The whole rule that you can't survive in space is effectively moot, seeing as how the characters are Bionicles. I recommend looking at the BZRPG rules, or some other Bionicle RPG for inspiration.

 

Now, I just want to say that these are my thoughts, and you don't have to use them. Please don't get mad if you disagree with anything I said.


Edited by Canis, Feb 21 2013 - 07:32 AM.

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What now?


#611 Offline ToaOfAwesome

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Posted Feb 21 2013 - 11:38 AM

IN RESPONSE TO CANIS: Oh, that's fine. When I was writing it I realized that I was probably giving a deluge of information, so I see your point about shortening and combining. Thanks.

 

IN RESPONSE TO LoAD: Yeah, there are a bit too many factions, I'll try and fix that next time.


Edited by ToaOfAwesome, Feb 21 2013 - 11:39 AM.

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#612 Offline Simon the Digger

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Posted Feb 21 2013 - 01:00 PM

Well, I'm bored with nothing else to do, so I figured I might as well give some feedback.I'll start with the general. You give a very brief explanation of the plot, but you don't really tell us anything. Crash landed, no memories, named their surroundings after old heroes, eventually war broke out. 

Why?

 

There are always reasons for war, and I really don't see why a large group of beings with no memories, stranded far, far from home, and stuck trying to survive in a hostile world would just... Start fighting. It doesn't make sense. If you're going to have a war, you kind of need to have a reason for why they're fighting.

 

Second, the crossbreeds. You have way too many species there. At the very least cut out the listings for pureblood species, you don't need them there. I personally feel that you have too much there, and that most of the crossbreeds could be cut out and replaced simply with something like "Crossbreeds have occurred amongst the species. If you wish to make one, just check with me that a certain one is allowed." Now, I also have some issues with the logic inherent in the crossbreeds themselves. Namely, that there's no way a single group of several species would breed with other species enough over the course of a few generations to create an entirely new species. Maybe a few individuals, but you have to take into account that they wouldn't actively seek out relations with the other species. It's not natural, and it's only occurred a handful of times in Bionicle canon. In fact, I've only seen it a handful of times in RPGs. Species tend to stick within their own species, if not their own sub species. (Because the term Matoran technically encompasses Toa, Matoran and Turaga, because their all variations on one species.)

 

Next, the factions. First of all, you have way too many of them. And most of the ones you have listed are generic, with little to no difference between them. Combine them, get rid of them, whatever you want to do, but for the love of god cut down on them. 

 

Now, we come to the first part of the RPG that I have a serious issue with. The Avsa faction. All of it. Now, first of all, I have a serious issue with any faction that is labelled "pure evil", because it limits character types, and restricts anyone within it to the role of "villain" for the duration of the game. That's not good story telling, it's just boring. There is no opportunity for character development there. The next few issues are based on logistics. Even taking into account their cannibalistic tendencies, there is no way that they could survive in space for more than a few years. It's just not possible. Think of how much food you consume on a daily basis, and then think of an entire faction trying to sustain itself. It just doesn't work, and even if it did, there would really only be a few individuals left. Next, the sight of cannibalism wouldn't drive an entire group mad. Traumatize them, sure. But it most certainly would not drive an entire group stark raving mad. Maybe some of them. But psychology varies too much for an entire group to go mad at a traumatizing sight. Next, I find it extremely unlikely that an entire group of originally civilized beings would all just go cannibal, and be unable to stop. Even taking into account drug or chemically induced dependence, that doesn't allow for a complete psychological lack of morals. It just doesn't.Next, locations. You have a lot of them, but you never really go into very much detail. You just list a bunch of places, give a vague size comparison that relies on very abstract knowledge, and that's it. You should add some detail, and possibly cut down on how many are there.

 

Finally, you don't really tell us anything about the relative technological state of the people in question. We don't know what tech level they are at, and we don't know what their settlements are like.


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#613 Offline ToaOfAwesome

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Posted Feb 21 2013 - 02:58 PM

Yeah, the story I'm really going to have to work on more, I made it too short. Nobody else has critiqued the story yet, so I'm glad you pointed out some of the major things. Also, I had some more stuff on the technological level and everything, but when they cut out the description of what happens to you in space, they cut out everything after that, too.  <_<


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#614 Offline Canis Lycaon

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Posted Feb 23 2013 - 10:28 AM

TOA: If you don't go the cloning/genetic hybrid route like I suggested with the crossbreeds, the these are all the crossbreeds I think you should remove, along with the reason for the removal:

       -Vakrix, Skadoa, Skakkan, Skrak: I doubt a Skakdi would ever breed with another species, that is just their nature.

       -Glatoriax, Tralok: These are the two Native/MU Species that don't include a Skakdi parent. The biology of MU inhabitants should be different enough from Native species that they shouldn't be able to breed.

 

You should definetly keep the Matori, Torianen, Votax, Skalor. The Matoran were based on Agori, and the Toa on Glatorian, so that would be why the are compatible. You could keep the Vakrix and the Skadoa, if you really want to, but I definitely think you should remove any Native/MU species crossbreeds.


Edited by Canis, Feb 23 2013 - 05:20 PM.

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#615 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Feb 23 2013 - 05:48 PM

At this point, I unleash my full opinions on matters (some of which may be repeating what some of the others have said) -

 

Setting & Story - Okay, so, there was large spaceship. People have to live on new island. Places named after old characters. You may wish to cut out the stuff describing the worlds from this, because it takes up a lot of space. You could just state that there were six moons, perhaps giving the names if you can make it fit in, and then stating that the dead world is there.

 

The crosses is where I start getting iffy at. I'm one of those people who works under the 'limited organics' option, and even my view of the Matoran/Toa body is more organic than in canon because of features such as blood and other organic components. But, to put it simply - a being from the Matoran Universe, save ones who were completely organic like Zyglak (and that's a maybe), would not have the organs required to reproduce. There would be no reason for the Great Beings to add them, considering that new beings were simply introduced into the world when  (though they were supposed to be brought back by the Red Star). And how would crossbreeds even be created, anyways? In the real world, creatures with extremely close DNA are generally unable to interbreed. How would two extremely different creatures be able to do it? The only one that I could figure working would be Skrall/Glatorian, because of how close they are.

 

Okay, okay, war comes about.. but why? What are people fighting over? And how long can a war last when only a shipload of people, plus whatever came about from the Spherus Magnan species having their children. You might want to explain how this giant war happened.

 

Species - Okay, the first step is to get rid of the massive number of species that are cross-breeds. Then get rid of the descriptions of the purebred species that are found, since they do little. Then... the entire section is gone. If you're introducing a new species, such as aliens or something, then you can put them here. Or, if you wish to describe where different species fit into society, this would work. Otherwise, this section is kind of pointless.

 

Factions - Let me start off - I don't think the number of factions is an issue. Lord knows I've tried to shove more than that into an RPG. The problem is how much they overlap in purpose and the like.

---- Mangai, Aki, Rua: Cut down on the leader Bios length. Perhaps give just a passing mention to them. Now, the reason I put these three together is because of how similar they are. I would suggest combining them into one faction. Perhaps the Aki are the warriors and the Rua the thinkers overal? Or simply titles of elite members of the overall faction?

---- Jutlin, Cordak: Boring and with poorly described motivations. You really should just combine these two, and cut down the leader Bios lengths.

---- Hordika, Purebreds: Holy. Wall. Of. Text. Batman. You definitely need to use spaces here. Now, as I said, the crossbreeds stuff isn't really necessary. Ergo, neither are these factions.

---- Avsa: Text wall is too high. Honestly, why even make this a player faction? This is one of those things that serves better as an enemy group, and honestly, you don't need to go all out explaining every detail. Shorten it up. Make it seem as though all of this has been covered up. Just have this group be like the Reavers in Firefly or something.

 

Locations: Keep it shorter and simpler. Don't take so much time describing all of the sub-locations of the moons and planet.

 

Character Creation: Uugghh. Everyone seems so fond of giant, stretched out character sheets.

 

Rules: Really, just write out your own rules list instead of directing us to the BZPRPG ones. Already mentioned the space stuff...

 

Okay, well, that's all I have to say.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:


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#616 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 26 2013 - 03:45 PM

This is an idea that needs much fleshing out. I've been working on this in my spare time (This brief history is just part of the backstory) and I need some backstory suggestions, ideas for new powers/tech level, etc. I also want to know if the idea is original.

 

 

It’s all in your head

 

You all know why you’re here. You’ve lived here all your lives. Your families and friends have sweat, bled, and died for the existence of Metru-Nui. Your fathers fought this war, and now you will too. So shape up, fight hard, and give all you’ve got. –Jaller, 1 B.T.

 

 

 

War had come. Makuta Teridax was once our benevolent leader, and creator of all rahi in the world. Business prospered, matoran worked in peace, and violators were punished. The toa of Metru Nui were never needed, as punishment was dealt out by the semi-intelligent Rahkshi and Vahki who guarded our great city. The toa Hagah were benevolent, wise toa, who guarded our city as they guarded the great Teridax, with their lives. But much has changed. By some twist of fate, or what matoran call the virus, Makuta was turned. He told us he was going to create a new breed of Rahi. What he came back with was something much more than any beast ever known to matoran. – Toa Vakama

 

You are a player in one of the greatest games in history. You are a mover and shaker, in one of the greatest cities ever made- Metru Nui. Your life, until 500 years ago, was simple, uncomplicated, with the same job and the same daily life. But recently, things have changed. Your benevolent leader, Makuta Teridax, has been changed by what is now known as Virus. He left, and came back with an army, built with Dark Hunters, Barraki, and species unknown to anyone except for Makuta himself. The toa Hagah, once adored and respected by the people, are now beastial, evil generals of Teridax. Everything you knew has been changed.

 

But there was hope in the darkness surrounding you. The Order of Mata Nui, an organization previously shrouded in darkness, was able to fight off the invading army of hunters and forces led by Makuta. The Order barricaded the island in, and to this day still patrols the coasts.

This was not enough, however. Destral, surrounded by a fleet of ships, teleported here, holing the great island in. The Order, despite their efforts, could not break through the armada. They, as well as we, are as of now holed in.

But there was one last hope for our race. An army, one made up of about 100 toa of more, donned Idens and traveled into Teridax’s mind. Nothing has been heard of them since. Your job? Find who caused the virus, fix makuta from inside his head, or completely destroy him.

 

 

So the basic idea is two levels of gameplay: one on the physical level, and one on the astral/mind level. Makuta terridax was just a good playing field.

 

What do you think?

 

-Elrond


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#617 Offline Simon the Digger

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Posted Feb 26 2013 - 04:36 PM

I think that there are some severe plot holes that need to be fixed before I can move on to anything resembling specifics. For instance why are the Barraki suddenly so keen to work with Makuta? Why doesn't the Order just use the Olmak to take Metru Nui out of the barricade? Why hasn't the city already fallen, if Makuta came with so great an army?


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#618 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 26 2013 - 04:57 PM

I see what you're saying, but some of the plotholes aren't as big as you think, or are nonexistent.

 

1. This is an alternate storyline, Besides that, the barraki were once the makuta's generals. (source: The Mutran Chronicles)

2. That is a possible plothole, but I was under the impression that the Olmak had a size limit. A portal that big would be hard to concentrate and build, not to mention that Destral could follow it. Not only that, but there would be a possibility of bringing makuta's ships along with him.

3.The Order of Mata Nui. That, and the fact that they are laying siege to the city.

 

Does that explain away the plotholes?

 

Thanks,

-Elrond


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#619 Offline Simon the Digger

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Posted Feb 26 2013 - 05:48 PM

I would like to say it does, but not really.

 

On the first one, you should probably mention that. Because otherwise, people are going to go "Wait, what? Barraki?" Second, if it had a size limit, one would not be able to send Destral through with the same method. And even if they might take Destral with them, being out there with potential backup is better than trapped in there with none.And third, and this is the most glaring, The OoMN isn't actually that big. Powerful, sure. But they can operate in secret because they have a few key operatives, and not a heck of a lot more. That's why when they wanted to kick off the Destiny War, they needed to recruit so many other groups and individuals. Because even taking on smaller groups of the Brotherhood at a time wasn't feasible.

 

And with te army you're describing, the Brotherhood would have won already. The League, the DH, and the Brotherhood? The Dark Hunters alone lay siege to the city. Even assuming that the Brotherhood and Order are about even, that combo blows the defenders away easy. Especially seeing as they can create troops, and the Order can't.


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#620 Offline More Fierce Than Fire

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Posted Feb 26 2013 - 07:17 PM

I feel I should also point out thats not how an Iden works. Someone astrally projecting using the Iden can enter a body uninhabited by another spirit, but can't infiltrate a mind like that. You need a Komau or Suletu for that


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#621 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Feb 26 2013 - 07:56 PM

I see what you're saying, but some of the plotholes aren't as big as you think, or are nonexistent.

 

1. This is an alternate storyline, Besides that, the barraki were once the makuta's generals. (source: The Mutran Chronicles)

2. That is a possible plothole, but I was under the impression that the Olmak had a size limit. A portal that big would be hard to concentrate and build, not to mention that Destral could follow it. Not only that, but there would be a possibility of bringing makuta's ships along with him.

3.The Order of Mata Nui. That, and the fact that they are laying siege to the city.

 

Does that explain away the plotholes?

 

Thanks,

-Elrond

 

  • The Barraki were never the Makutas' generals. Pridak used to work for the Brotherhood before he became a warlord, but once he formed the League of Six Kingdoms, they were opposed to the Brotherhood of Makuta. The Mutran Chronicles told the story of the Barraki fighting against the Makuta.
  • I'm not so sure on this, but I believe there was some sort of technology on Destral that allowed the entire island to be moved via an olmak. Possibly some sort of range extender to allow a portal large enough to accommodate an whole island, or maybe some sort of field around the island that tapped into the teleporting power of the olmak and applied it to the landmass, allowing it to be transported. I'm just speculating on that last part, but there did seem to be extra technology involved in Destral's teleportation. It wasn't done by mask alone. This means that if the OoMN don't have this technology on Metru Nui (or for that matter an olmak, remember, there were only two in existence), then they couldn't move the island. There is also the issue of Metru Nui being particularly vital to the Great Spirit's wellbeing. If it was suddenly moved from its position, there could be dire consequences. Plothole plugged.
  • The fortifications might help the order a little, but it is true that Makuta's force would be difficult to hold back, large as it is. Remember that in the Destiny War when the Brotherhood besieged Metru Nui, they were doing a pretty good job of breaking in and beating back the Order's defenses until a) the Toa Nuva arrived with flying vehicles with light-spewing canons and an actual toa of light. To a force made largely of light-weak creatures such as rahkshi, that's pretty devastating and b) Great Spirit!Makuta whipped up a storm to destroy the Makuta's fleet of warships. The force described in this game seem greater than those arrayed against Metru Nui in Destiny War, so I doubt that the Order could hold them out for long.

As an additional point, it would be really helpful in spotting/plugging plotholes if we knew what time period/history this is set in. The alternate history will make a difference, of course, but without knowing how Makuta got to be in charge of Metru Nui, I can't say much on which aspects of the story make sense and which don't.

Is this, for example, the alternate universe that Vezon visited where the Great Beings build a Great Spirit robot and named it Makuta, while his jealous brother, Mata Nui, tried to overthrow him. Does this story take place in a universe where Teridax won the battle of Bara Magna and remained in control of the Matoran Universe? That would explain why he was leader of Metru Nui, the Rahkshi are police and the Toa Hagah are on his side.

This is vital information in understanding the world of the game, but it is missing here. I understand that the game is not complete yet, but it is key information for understanding a lot of what has been described.


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#622 Offline Canis Lycaon

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Posted Feb 26 2013 - 08:12 PM

  • I'm not so sure on this, but I believe there was some sort of technology on Destral that allowed the entire island to be moved via an olmak. Possibly some sort of range extender to allow a portal large enough to accommodate an whole island, or maybe some sort of field around the island that tapped into the teleporting power of the olmak and applied it to the landmass, allowing it to be transported. I'm just speculating on that last part, but there did seem to be extra technology involved in Destral's teleportation. It wasn't done by mask alone. This means that if the OoMN don't have this technology on Metru Nui (or for that matter an olmak, remember, there were only two in existence), then they couldn't move the island. There is also the issue of Metru Nui being particularly vital to the Great Spirit's wellbeing. If it was suddenly moved from its position, there could be dire consequences. Plothole plugged.

 

And one was worn by Brutaka, agent of the OoMN. They had an Olmak. I think the whole Olmak thing is a valid plot hole, but for a different reason. Why couldn't the OoMN open a portal into Metru Nui, instead of taking it out of it's dome? As for the battle thing with the OoMN getting crushed by the Brotherhood, I think this is what you should do: The League of the Six Kingdoms and the Dark Hunter are allied with the OoMN, and the Brotherhood has the unknown species you mentioned in the plot and Rahkshi to help them. That would balance things out nicely. The reasoning for this would be the fact that Six Kingdoms would want the Brotherhood to gain more territory, and the Dark Hunters were just payed off by the OoMN.


Edited by Canis Lupus, Feb 26 2013 - 08:51 PM.

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#623 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Feb 26 2013 - 08:39 PM

Brutaka's olmak may not be available for use at this time, as this game does seem to paralell the Destiny War. In the main storyline, Brutaka's Olmak had been destroyed by Teridax before the seige of Metru Nui started. He might still have it, but until Bane/Elrond tells us more, we won't know.

 

Otherwise, I agree. The Order needs some backup, while Makuta has plenty already.


Edited by The Lorax, Feb 26 2013 - 08:40 PM.

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#624 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 09:32 AM

Ok. I have some major answers that might help the plothole.

 

1. I'm taking a bit of creative license with this one. This is post rebellion, pre dark hunter war. Makuta's a little bit dumber this go around. I may consider changing him to Spirah. 

2. (Canis Lupus): I see your point, but who's to say they aren't? Maybe that's why the OoMN has survived so long. This is a last-stand scenario. The Makuta, whomever he may be, wants to destroy Mata Nui/s mind. By portal jumping, they lose the thing they're fighting for. (Really thinking about changing that to Spiriah now.)

3. As to Iden problems, I had thought of that. I might make a mask combining the powers of Kongu's mask (Suletu?) with an Iden, or simply doing this Inception-style. Which would work better?

4. The Six Kingdoms: I stand corrected, then. I'd say six kingdoms and OoMN vs. Dark Hunters and Makuta.

 

 

This is why I like this thread. It only takes a day or two for you guys to find all my plotholes  :tounge:

 

P.S. The unknown species were named to give you creative license, not to be on any faction.


Edited by Elrond of Rivendell, Feb 27 2013 - 09:34 AM.

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#625 Offline Simon the Digger

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 10:10 AM

Unfortunately, your solutions create a few more holes.If you really want to do the mind thing, really the only way to actually do it would be through a Suletu or a Psionics Toa. Both of those allow for mind style sequences, a la Inception. Well, more the Psionics Toa than the Suletu, but the Suletu could so so in a more limited fashion.

 

With the League of Six Kingdoms arrangement, I just thought of another issue. If this takes place after the Makuta rebellion, then the Barraki are already in the Pit with their armies destroyed or scattered. First of all, this raises the issue of why they have armies in the present. Second of all, it means that most of the Barraki wouldn't ally with the OoMN without some seriously good reasons. If anything, they'd stand alone because they hate literally every other faction in this setting except the Hunters. The OoMN and the Hunters, if allied, might be able to hold up to the Brotherhood for a while, but that leads to the issue of political drama and filibusters because even before the Toa-Dark Hunter conflict, the Hunters were considered evil and villainous by the occupants of Metru Nui.


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#626 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 10:48 AM

The mind thing is the basis for this RPG, so if I only need a Suletu to enter someone's mind, then I'll do it. Part of the reason I put this out with so little work is because I wanted suggestions about how someone could theoretically enter someone's mind.

 

Yes, the league was captured, but by whom? OoMN. The Order also has the connections to rebuild the army. It's not that big of a problem.

 

Besides that, the hatred of the Makuta, and the fact that this is a last-stand scenario  give pretty good reasons for allying with the Order, not to mention that the Order has the power of the bribe on their hands. Finally, the Six Kingdoms made an act of treachery to the brotherhood by attacking. They're in the same boat as the Order.

 

By the way, updated story with timeline.

 

 

It’s all in your head

 

You all know why you’re here. You’ve lived here all your lives. Your families and friends have sweat, bled, and died for the existence of Metru-Nui. Your fathers fought this war, and now you will too. So shape up, fight hard, and give all you’ve got. –Jaller, 1 M.N.S.

 

 

 War had come. Makuta Spiriah was once our benevolent leader, creator of all rahi in the world. Business prospered, matoran worked in peace, and violators were punished. The toa of Metru Nui were never needed, as punishment was dealt out by the semi-intelligent Rahkshi and Vahki who guarded our great city. The toa Hagah were benevolent, wise toa, who guarded our city as they guarded the great Spiriah, with their lives. But much has changed. By some twist of fate, or what matoran call the virus, Makuta was turned. He told us he was going to create a new breed of Rahi. What he came back with was something much worse than any beast ever known to matoran. – Toa Vakama

 

You are a player in one of the greatest games in history. You are a mover and shaker, in one of the greatest cities ever made- Metru Nui. Your life has been peaceful, other than that nasty revolution a few matoran tried to pull off. But recently, things have changed. Your benevolent leader, Makuta Spiriah, has been changed by what is now known as Virus. He left, and came back with an army, built with Rahkshi, Dark Hunters, and beings only Makuta could know. The Toa Hagah, once adored and respected by the people, are now beastial, evil generals of Teridax. Everything you knew has been changed.

 

But there was hope in the darkness surrounding you. The Order of Mata Nui, an organization previously shrouded in darkness, was able to fight off the invading army of hunters and forces led by Makuta. The Order, allied with the Barraki and the league of six kingdoms barricaded the island in, and to this day still patrols the coasts.

This was not enough, however. Destral, surrounded by a fleet of ships, teleported here, holing the great island in. The Order, despite their efforts, could not break through the armada. They, as well as we, are as of now holed in.

But there was one last hope for our race. An army made up of 100’s of Toa, using experimental technology now lost to us, stormed Spiriah’s flagship and, we expect, entered his mind. Nothing has been heard of them since.

 

What every citizen must know (Pamphlet, Metru Nui Department of Education, 320 B.M.N.S.)

 

To become truly familiar with the technological leaps our city has made, simply take a look at any timeline. An abridged one is provided below:

 

(Note: M.N.S. means Metru Nui Siege. B.M.N.S. is before)

 

500 B.M.N.S. –Matoran Revolution

450 B.M.N.S. – Invention of the chute system, Protodermis begins to be used as a primary power source

427B.M.N.S. – Creation of the Toa Metru, Energized Protodermis is discovered.

362 B.M.N.S. – Vahki are introduced as the primary enforcement unit for Metru Nui. Toa become heads of security for their districts

348 B.M.N.S. – Holographic and teleportation research begins

322 B.M.N.S. – Scientists create synthetic chips, allowing tracking and bio-signatures for friends and family, as well as programmable security clearances for high-ranking workers, as well as strength-augmenting and mind-enhancing chips.

316 B.M.N.S. – Advances in teleportation technology allow all citizens to move from one part of the city to another in seconds. Most of the chute technology is destroyed

240 B.M.N.S. –Solid-state holographic projectors are invented, new mind-entering technology cures debilitated or mentally insane patients

183 B.M.N.S. – Makuta Spiriah leaves to “Create a new kind of rahi”

148 B.M.N.S. – Under-secretary Dume orders the destruction of metrus, resulting in a united city, with districts governed by toa.

128 B.M.N.S. – First sighting of the virus, a mind-controlling disease that begins with the inhalation of a strange gas. (Note: The existence of antidermis is not known at this time.)

0 M.N.S. Return of Makuta Spiriah/the beginning of the first siege. Also, the Order of Mata Nui reveals itself.

5 M.N.S. – the OoMN allies with the League of Six kingdoms.

10 M.N.S. – Last sighting of the strike force of toa.

 

  Metru Nui’s history is overflowing with the power of progress. The culture and people are an oasis for thinkers, encouraging active thought and hard work for the progress of the city. The Vahki and Toa, under the leadership of the great Spiriah, have imposed peace on the koros, bringing them together and fusing them into one great city, removing the need for any divisions, or metrus. Teleportation is now the main means of transportation, providing access to any part of the city within minutes. To use all these great advancements, however, you must register at your embassy for citizenship to gain teleportation rights.

 

 

-Elrond


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#627 Offline Simon the Digger

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 11:12 AM

I'll get to poking at the updated version after I read and digest it, but for now, I'll continue with my points.

 

The League wouldn't ally with the OoMN because the OoMN were the people who jailed them in the first place. Makuta might have defeated them, but Helryx ordered them locked up. Further, even if the OoMN did release them and they did agree to ally, they still wouldn't have their armies. Because if the Order had access to those kinds of resources, they would have used them in the first place. So in essence, by releasing them, they gain six ex-warlords. No more.


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#628 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 11:30 AM

Then why were they semi-aligned with the Order in Destiny War? Also, no, they wouldn't have. The resources and connections I'm talking about could only be accessed by an evil warlord, because any pretext for good would make those connections slink away.

 

I'm talking about the down-and-dirty connections that don't even look like they connect to the Order.

 

Edit: Krayzikk, why is it you that I always end up debating with?

 

-Elrond


Edited by Elrond of Rivendell, Feb 27 2013 - 01:18 PM.

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#629 Offline Simon the Digger

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 02:39 PM

Because I debate everything.On a more pertinent matter, that doesn't make sense either. Because the Order has on several occasions shown that there are operatives they can deploy that are not known to be connected to them. Further, the Barraki allied themselves with the Order in the Destiny War because it served their purposes best. They were freed, and they were given a chance to strike at one of the ones they hated with a good chance of victory.This is different. This isn't a war, it's a siege. A last stand. Siding with the Order would not be in the Barraki's best interests, because they would be put on the losing side with little chance of outright victory. Nor would they have their armies because, as you said, Metru Nui has been sealed off. Even if they could raise an army, and facts indicate otherwise, they would have had no way of transporting it to Metru Nui unharmed before the city was sealed off.


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#630 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 02:48 PM

Ok, You've made some good points. I'll look into changing that. Maybe an ally like Artakha would be best.

 

In any case, do you see any other incongruities?

 

-Elrond


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#631 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 04:03 PM

Edit: Krayzikk, why is it you that I always end up debating with?

 

Heh. Heh. Hehhehehehehehehe. Hehehehe. You don't know the meaning of argumentative.

 

But I digress, there is an RPG here to review. My annotations are in [color=#ffffff;]white[/color]... wait, hold up, bad idea. My annotations are in [color=#b22222;]fire brick,[/color] which is apparently the worst name InvisionBoard could think for a red color. I'm dripping with sarcasm today, since I've already missed three days of school this week from being sick and am in quite the ornery mood. Luckily for you, it means I'm not just going to point out plotholes. I'm gone to dissect this RPG idea piece by piece.

 

It’s all in your head

 

You all know why you’re here. You’ve lived here all your lives. Your families and friends have sweat, bled, and died for the existence of Metru-Nui. Your fathers fought this war, and now you will too. So shape up, fight hard, and give all you’ve got. –Jaller, 1 M.N.S. [color=#b22222;]Because Bionicle characters all have fathers, right? Since family terms such as 'brother' and 'sister' are common, those would be good substitutes to go along with this speech.[/color]

 

 War had come. Makuta Spiriah was once our benevolent leader, creator of all rahi in the world. Business prospered, matoran worked in peace, and violators were punished. The toa of Metru Nui were never needed, as punishment was dealt out by the semi-intelligent Rahkshi and Vahki who guarded our great city. The toa Hagah were benevolent, wise toa, who guarded our city as they guarded the great Spiriah, with their lives. But much has changed. By some twist of fate, or what matoran call the virus, Makuta was turned. He told us he was going to create a new breed of Rahi. What he came back with was something much worse than any beast ever known to matoran. – Toa Vakama [color=#b22222;]Okay, so answer me this - the Antidermis pool was formed, and within it were the conscious' of the future Makuta. One was Miserix, who was the best leader for a group of scientists, and another was Teridax, who had ambitions to take over the universe because he was 'programmed' to lead a universe; the Great Beings just never finished the second robot. They were later taken and made into physical Makuta by Mata-Nui. So, all I can see here is there was one Makuta formed, and out of one hundred possible Makuta, Mata-Nui picked one who can't create a decent Rahi to save his life? And then never made another one? Another thing I don't understand is the presence of Vahki in the city. If Spiriah has the Matoran under the guard of Rahkshi, why were Vahki created? The only reason Nuparu came up with the idea was because of how few Toa were in the city, and the Matoran needed to keep a security system. But if the streets have a Rahkshi patrol, who never rest, and I would assume numbered at least more than six, why in Mata-Nui's name are there Vahki? Oh, and thanks for cutting us off Vakama. We could have wanted to know that piece of information.[/color]

 

You are a player in one of the greatest games in history. You are a mover and shaker, in one of the greatest cities ever made- Metru Nui. Your life has been peaceful, other than that nasty revolution a few matoran tried to pull off. But recently, things have changed. Your benevolent leader, Makuta Spiriah, has been changed by what is now known as Virus. He left, and came back with an army, built with Rahkshi, Dark Hunters, and beings only Makuta could know. The Toa Hagah, once adored and respected by the people, are now beastial, evil generals of Teridax. Everything you knew has been changed.[color=#b22222;] I hope the 'nasty revolution' you refer to isn't the Matoran Civil War, because that was a little bit bigger than just a 'nasty' revolution. I can't imagine less than 5-6% of the population being killed off based on the timespan and close proximity of troops. But back on subject, things begin to change, and Spiriah is changed. Okay, stop reminding us of his name. Makuta were always referred to by their title of Makuta, not their names, so there's no reason to keep stating it. We figured it out on the first section; until another Makuta is mentioned, just go with Makuta. Oh, and question - why make the Toa Hagah his generals? I mean, maybe these are different Toa Hagah (seeing as all of the Makuta had their own), but even then - since where are Toa, trained to guard one person, expert generals? I'd be looking for the remnants of the League of Six Kingdoms, or at least someone with military experience. Oh, and for the record, you let a 'Teridax' slip out in that last sentence.[/color]

 

But there was hope in the darkness surrounding you. The Order of Mata Nui, an organization previously shrouded in darkness, was able to fight off the invading army of hunters and forces led by Makuta. The Order, allied with the Barraki and the league of six kingdoms barricaded the island in, and to this day still patrols the coasts. [color=#b22222;]Okay, how did the Order get into the city ? Olmak? Something else? You sort of cut that out here. And how did they get the League in? And how much of the League? At the time, they had an army large enough that Pridak could afford killing off an entire company (methinks, may have been smaller/larger) of troops because one of the soldiers was goofing off. That seems like a lot of troops to fit in one city. Did they have a naval barricade with most of their troops in it or something?[/color]

This was not enough, however. Destral, surrounded by a fleet of ships, teleported here, holing the great island in. The Order, despite their efforts, could not break through the armada. They, as well as we, are as of now holed in. [color=#b22222;]How close is Destral? And why is it being left there? If you teleport your based directly to the enemy stronghold, and you still can't beat them, you don't just leave it there - you get it out of there. Otherwise, if you lose, you not only  lose your army, you also lose your base of operations. Leaving Destral there is the worst thing you could possibly do.[/color]

But there was one last hope for our race. An army made up of 100’s of Toa, using experimental technology now lost to us, stormed Spiriah’s flagship and, we expect, entered his mind. Nothing has been heard of them since.[color=#b22222;] Now lost to us? What? How did they lose it? And more importantly, why send so many Toa? And why only Toa? Why not others? Wouldn't a Vortixx neurosurgeon be more important in a persons brain than a Toa of Earth? And how did they get to Spiriahs flagship? Wouldn't other ships put them down? And if they could get there, why would they go into his mind? If I could dump one hundred Toa on a ship, I win the game immediately. It's as simple as that. Toa of Iron to crush the armor, Toa of Water to make a shield around the ship, Toa of Fire to burn the ship, Toa of Gravity to sink the people in the ship, so on and so forth. It doesn't matter how large the forces in that one ship are, they would all die. Naval battles in Bionicle come down to the force with the best elemental powers unless something is restricting them.[/color]

 

What every citizen must know (Pamphlet, Metru Nui Department of Education, 320 B.M.N.S.)

 

To become truly familiar with the technological leaps our city has made, simply take a look at any timeline. An abridged one is provided below:

 

(Note: M.N.S. means Metru Nui Siege. B.M.N.S. is before)

 

500 B.M.N.S. –Matoran Revolution[color=#b22222;] So not the Matoran Civil War? Or is it the Civil War by another name? If it was a revolution, who were they revolting against? Other Matoran? Wouldn't it have another name, then? And no matter what, I see massive population damages from any war on Metru-Nui.[/color]

450 B.M.N.S. – Invention of the chute system, Protodermis begins to be used as a primary power source[color=#b22222;] Oh, I thought the primary power source was the giant freaking power plant underneath the Coliseum.[/color]

427B.M.N.S. – Creation of the Toa Metru, Energized Protodermis is discovered.[color=#b22222;] Wow-wow-wow... what? The Toa Metru? As in... Vakama and the lot? But... why? If the Revolution is the Civil War, it's uncertain if all of these Matoran have been created yet, let alone made into Toa. Who made them into Toa? Who gave them... gah! My brain hurts.[/color]

362 B.M.N.S. – Vahki are introduced as the primary enforcement unit for Metru Nui. Toa become heads of security for their districts[color=#b22222;] Where the heck are those Rahkshi you mentioned earlier?[/color]

348 B.M.N.S. – Holographic and teleportation research begins[color=#b22222;] Wow, that's a lot of advancement in two hundred years. I wonder what's with the research in these things, anyways, when they have Kanoka disks that do exactly that.[/color]

322 B.M.N.S. – Scientists create synthetic chips, allowing tracking and bio-signatures for friends and family, as well as programmable security clearances for high-ranking workers, as well as strength-augmenting and mind-enhancing chips.[color=#b22222;] ... and this didn't lead to another Civil War? Trust me, if my government did this, half my little town would be up in arms. And there's that word again. 'Family'. Still Bionicle, son. Biological roots to each other is just a lazy mans way of making the characters seem more relatable to humans.[/color]

316 B.M.N.S. – Advances in teleportation technology allow all citizens to move from one part of the city to another in seconds. Most of the chute technology is destroyed[color=#b22222;] Why would they destroy the chute technology? That kind of stuff hardly means you can transport giant crates of goods. Which, as you know, the Chute system (complemented by airships) did. So I hardly see a reason to destroy the chutes. Plus, think of the poor Nui-Rama! How will they survive! We're gonna call PETIR (People for the Ethical Treatment of Insectoid Rahi) on you, son.[/color]

240 B.M.N.S. –Solid-state holographic projectors are invented, new mind-entering technology cures debilitated or mentally insane patients[color=#b22222;] .... what the Kkkkkkkkkaaaaarzzzzz. Who authorized 'mind-entering' technology? Who would let somebody do it to them? And how would that cure mentally damaged patients? If they've got all of this great technology and all sorts of weird magical things like a Kanohi Mask of Healing, you would think there'd be easier ways to get this stuff done.[/color]

183 B.M.N.S. – Makuta Spiriah leaves to “Create a new kind of rahi”[color=#b22222;] And people weren't suspicious? Makuta (Teridax) was pretty much never seen, but everyone always knew he was there. Or assumed he was. He did, after all, have at least two secret hide outs in the city to work on his, well, work. Why did Spiriah feel the need to announce his reason to leave? Does he really think they need a reason? Does he really show his face that often for it to warrant attention?[/color]

148 B.M.N.S. – Under-secretary Dume orders the destruction of metrus, resulting in a united city, with districts governed by toa.[color=#b22222;] Yes, because this isn't a facist takeover or anything, and everyone is just going to go along with it nicely. Becuase everyone's a sheep, right?[/color]

128 B.M.N.S. – First sighting of the virus, a mind-controlling disease that begins with the inhalation of a strange gas. (Note: The existence of antidermis is not known at this time.) [color=#b22222;]Here's a solution. Wear a gas-mask. Or, better yet, the government starts handing them out since they already appear to have claimed ultimate power over everything over merely five hundred years. Which would be a lot of time in the real world, but a matter of months in relative time for a Bionicle character.[/color]

0 M.N.S. Return of Makuta Spiriah/the beginning of the first siege. Also, the Order of Mata Nui reveals itself.[color=#b22222;] That's lovely, and answers very little.[/color]

5 M.N.S. – the OoMN allies with the League of Six kingdoms. [color=#b22222;]The siege lasted five years? Seriously? Most wars don't last that long.[/color]

10 M.N.S. – Last sighting of the strike force of toa.[color=#b22222;] And good riddance. It's lovely how they sent away hundred of Toa just to go into one persons mind. After all, those Toa couldn't have been any use, could they? It's not like a Toa of Water couldn't just make a tidal wave and destroy an entire regiments worth of troops on their ship.s And it's not like a Toa of Gravity couldn't have just sunk them to the bottom of the sea. That's ridiculous.[/color]

 

  Metru Nui’s history is overflowing with the power of progress. The culture and people are an oasis for thinkers, encouraging active thought and hard work for the progress of the city. [color=#b22222;]Yeah, and everyone who isn't thinking can just shut up and do what they tell you, right? All of this active thought like government tracking signals. [/color]The Vahki and Toa, under the leadership of the great Spiriah, have imposed peace on the koros[color=#b22222;] (koros?)[/color], bringing them together and fusing them into one great city, removing the need for any divisions, or metrus.[color=#b22222;] You mean active thought? Or independence? [/color]Teleportation is now the main means of transportation, providing access to any part of the city within minutes. [color=#b22222;]Minutes to use a teleporter? How long do they take to put you back together? [/color]To use all these great advancements, however, you must register at your embassy for citizenship to gain teleportation rights.[color=#b22222;] And I thought the 2004 flash animations were bad.[/color]

 

So, that's my little review.

 

In any case, do you see any other incongruities?

 

Yes, it appears that I have.

 

So, let me get down and dirty here. This RPG shows the possibility to make something better, but as it is, there's a lot of things wrong with it. Overall it's mostly me nitpicking, but there are a number of glaring plotholes that stand out. If you really want to find allies for the Order, then you already have them - Toa. If you were really able to scrouge up hundreds of Toa for one mission, you obviously have a lot of them. And a Toa is worth quite a bit on the battlefield. Plus, the Order works from the shadows anyways. They could easily have other things in their favor. Maybe the Skakdi also got messed up by the Spiriah in this universe, and theres a fleet of Skakdi there as well who the Order tricked into coming against the Makuta, and now, since they arrogantly left Destral a sitting duck, the Brotherhood is being attacked by two sides. Also, Ehlek's species was heavily modified by the Order to serve as Anti-Brotherhood troops. What if there's a small army of them under the waves as well, making any direct attacks dangerous? Just a little advice there, going along with what you've been arguing with Krayzikk about.

 

Also - Not on the subject of this review, but if anyone has the time, could I get maybe a little more input up near the very top of this page, third post down.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:


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#632 Offline Canis Lycaon

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 04:44 PM

The final note is getting into the game. Players may begin play in Researcher’s Retreat, or anywhere within Ga-Wahi. Wherever you start, get involved! Do something interesting, and don’t just sit around while waiting for the plot to advance! [color=#daa520;]If you think something would be cool, do it.[/color] Otherwise, get together with someone else who is doing something. If these aren’t enough options, you can follow the actual story –

 I said I didn't have anything to say earlier, but I thought about it some more and realized this about the highlighted part: You basically say I can do anything. This needs so limits. I could have one of those volcanos explode if I wanted and destroy half of the island, or I could find a 100,655 year old dead Toa that basically says the island is older the the Mata Nui robot and was a test ground for the GBs. I don't think you want either of these things happening, as they would totally mess with your pre-established plot for the RPG. This rule needs limits.

 

EDIT: This was meant for Toa Levacius.


Edited by Canis Lupus, Feb 27 2013 - 04:47 PM.

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I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#633 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 05:48 PM

Ouch. Well that felt like a slap to the face.

 

I'll take your advice. The entire idea is one I slapped together, took apart again, remolded, took apart completely, remolded, etc.

 

The basic idea is a double playing field, one on the physical, one on the mental. I had originally gone with a TRON-like game, but that fell through due to too many plotholes.

 

I'll start from the ground up-again-but I did have a point to make. You kept saying fascist takeover. That's the point. It flips the average Brotherhood bad-Toa good idea. The original Metru Nui was very fascist as well. It gives you more pretext to follow your own path, and evens the scale between guys who only want to play as bad guys, and guys who want to play as good guys. Moral absolutes exist, and you can follow them, but the idea was to give more power to the player.

 

But we're not here to discuss politics. 

 

*Steps down from soapbox*

 

-Elrond


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#634 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 05:49 PM

I said I didn't have anything to say earlier, but I thought about it some more and realized this about the highlighted part: You basically say I can do anything. This needs so limits. I could have one of those volcanos explode if I wanted and destroy half of the island, or I could find a 100,655 year old dead Toa that basically says the island is older the the Mata Nui robot and was a test ground for the GBs. I don't think you want either of these things happening, as they would totally mess with your pre-established plot for the RPG. This rule needs limits.

 

 

There is a limt -

 

7. Get permission before doing anything that would majorly change the RPG.

 

Either of those things would majorly change the RPG. The volcano destroying the island quite obviously violates rule number seven, and would be immediately retconned. Finding a 100,655 year old Toa could be a major change... or just another facet in the plot. Something like that I would go to the PM warning, and then talk with them privately. And, of course, if there was a way I could implement it into the plot, talk to them in PM about what they wanted to do, and what they need to modify about it so it 'fits' in the RPG. And, if all goes well, it would get that black mark cleared from their record.

 

But if they refuse then it would simply become one of those "what happpened to the mouse?" things and I'd have to clear it up. Mass amnesia regarding a single event would be just another day on the island.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:


Edited by Toa Levacius Zehvor, Feb 27 2013 - 06:05 PM.

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#635 Offline Simon the Digger

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 05:50 PM

Actually, I think what Lev was getting at was less that there was a fascist takeover, and more the manner in which it occurred. It was kind of obvious.


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#636 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 05:54 PM

Actually, I think what Lev was getting at was less that there was a fascist takeover, and more the manner in which it occurred. It was kind of obvious.

All fascist takeovers are obvious, if you're looking at it from a third-person view. Read Mein Kampf, and you'll see the breaks in logic easily.

 

I'll come back when I have something better-defined.

 

-Elrond


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#637 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Feb 27 2013 - 06:16 PM

Due to the rapid speed of the number of posts that shot in, I'll move the edit I was to make above down here -

 

 

EDIT: Response to Elrond -

 

I'll take your advice. The entire idea is one I slapped together, took apart again, remolded, took apart completely, remolded, etc.

 

That's how you make a good idea. You have no idea how many times I rewrite something over and over until I know what I want to say.

 

The basic idea is a double playing field, one on the physical, one on the mental. I had originally gone with a TRON-like game, but that fell through due to too many plotholes.

 

If you wanted a TRON-like game, just go with it. The physical/mental one has a problem the way it's presented here because of how the playing field is set up. A suggestion - what if Spiriah, or Teridax, or whoever already has control of the Core Processor under the city, but the Order of Mata-Nui has damaged it enough that he can't reactive the universe quite yet? In order to repair it, he has his armies coming to take the city. Meanwhile, the Order and Toa have found a way to go into the core processor with him, and find a way to get him out, while others are fighting on the outside. There's also the problem than the Makuta has power over the Core Processor itself, and others are forced to remain in there in order to protect the physical bodies of those who went inside spiritually.

 

I'll start from the ground up-again-but I did have a point to make. You kept saying fascist takeover. That's the point. It flips the average Brotherhood bad-Toa good idea. The original Metru Nui was very fascist as well. It gives you more pretext to follow your own path, and evens the scale between guys who only want to play as bad guys, and guys who want to play as good guys. Moral absolutes exist, and you can follow them, but the idea was to give more power to the player.

 

If that's the point, and you noticed the way it was set-up, then you may have wanted to make note of the fact people don't like the way it was set-up. It just makes it seem as though the city went along with it. Having different factions that show the internal conflict of Metru-Nui would show things like that better, and how those groups are forced to work together to hold off the Brotherhood. It also gives a possible way for Brotherhood members to exploit the city and find a way to gain victory for their side - by turning the city against itself.

 

So I guess that's one of the biggest problems - the lack of any real faction definition, or descriptions of the people themselves. If you did a little more of that, and helped build up the world itself, I belive that would make the RPG one hundred times better.

 

 

And with that make some new responses.

 

Actually, I think what Lev was getting at was less that there was a fascist takeover, and more the manner in which it occurred. It was kind of obvious.

 

All fascist takeovers are obvious, if you're looking at it from a third-person view. Read Mein Kampf, and you'll see the breaks in logic easily.

 

Ther are some people who have noticed stuff like that happening from the first-person as well, but such occurences usually take place over extended periods of time. Even a year is a major chunk of a humans limited lifespan. To a Bionicle character, who can live for tens of thousands of them, the five-hundred year span described here would be more than enough time for the Matoran in the city to look at how things change.

 

Canonically, the city began with six Metrus that were very independent. However, like all Matoran settlements, there was a Turaga who was put in charge and was supposed to be the spiritual leader of the city. The best way to describe it would a theocracy. The place was set up just like a giant tribe. Over nearly 100,000 years it became the way it was in 2004. That's a very, very long time, and most citizens of the city from that long ago would be dead, in another area of the universe, or have become Toa and then died/left. It didn't happen over 500 years.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:


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#638 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 28 2013 - 12:13 PM

Well, I just completely remolded the story. You might like it a little better. I think there are a few less plotholes :P

 

 

 

 

It’s all in your head

 

Incoming transmission from turaga Eryon…

 

Hello, friend, and welcome to New Metru City. I hope your stay with us will be pleasant. If you’re new here, be sure to stop by our welcome center, which has all the information you need to make your stay a comfortable one. Oh, and don’t forget to try Turaga Luya’s new drink, Double-life. It’s very stimulating-

 

Transmission interrupted.

 

New message from: Toa Rehu, New Metru security and investigation

 

“I hope you got most of that introductory message, but if you didn’t, too bad. We have a situation. For all visitors, heed my warning. Don’t drink Double-Life.

 

Why, you ask?

 

Put simply, Double-Life is tearing this town apart. It’s an addictive drink, one that leaves the body intact, but brings the body to an unhealthy dependence upon it. Turaga Luya seems to be controlling and corrupting everyone through it. I think even turaga Eryon is being influenced by it, and-

 

*garbled mumblings in the background*

 

 

-I can’t stay. They’re coming for me. I’m emailing all my investigation results to you. If anything happens to me, keep the investigation going. Keep calm, stay safe, and for karz sake, DON’T GO OUT AT NIGHT TIME.”

 

Transmission ended.

 

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Casefile 126665             Name for reference: “Sleepwalking”

 

Investigator: Toa Rehu                   Date: 700,000 A.L.

Case Number: 984037776

 

First sighting: District 7 “Lightning-strike tavern”

 

Crime: Murder                       Perpetrator: Jole, matoran of fire (Male)

Scene of crime: Security vehicles arrived at the scene of crime to see the perpetrator throttling another patron outside. Suspect appeared to be doing it in his sleep, as witness reports said that he was throttling the victim with his eyes closed. Would not respond to mandatory warnings. Shocked with low-level shock guns. Refused to respond. Shocked again with high-level shock. Short circuited and went into power-arrest. Died without regaining consciousness.

 

Sub-file: Documented Evidence, failed to open. The file may be corrupt or fragmented.

 

Opening folder: Vital information

 

History of New Metru

 

New Metru was founded by 4 of the original 6 Toa Inika after the reuniting of Spherus Magna. Originally cobbled together from pieces of the Makuta robot, and parts from the original Metru Nui, New Nui was a ramshacklet grew into the largest city on Spherus Magna, barring New Atero. Because of the great crash, much of the technology in the old Metru Nui was destroyed, and much of the innovation of the last hundred centuries was lost to the Matoran and Agori. Using what was left of the technology, these original matoran began to piece together the technology of the past.

            Today, New Metru is far beyond the technology of the past, and no longer uses the craftsman’s process of making disks. Production of disks is now relegated to programmed machines, and variables in disks are obsolete. Mask-making is now an ancient art form, handed down from master to apprentice. Finding one today is scarce, as most masks are pressure-molded into existence. Airships and hover-cars are common household items, and the average matoran lives in complete peace and freedom.

            New Metru is governed by the Council of 4, in accordance with the 4 original founders. The current governing council has ruled for almost 30,000 years, with the exception of Turaga Luya, turaga of Light, who recently became the fifth member of the ruling council, a move that has been met with no small resistance from the matoran of the city. Resistance, however, is dwindling, with the popularity of Double-Life being so high.

 

Opening file: locations

 

Locations

 

New Metru is built on two levels; the top level being known simply as “upstairs” and the bottom level “The basement.” Each level has three koros:

 

Upstairs: Air, Lightning, and Water

 

Basement: Stone, Fire, and Iron

 

In the center of the city is a giant head, once the mind of Makuta, Half buried in the ground beneath it. Still, the face of the robot juts out slightly above the skyline of skyscrapers. Within this head is the civic center of New Metru. All directions in the city correlate to this head, and the metrus correlate to this.

 

Forehead upstairs: Ga-Metru

Forehead basement: Po-Metru

Left side upstairs: Lightning (Xa-Metru?)

Left side downstairs: Ta-Metru

Right side upstairs: Le-Metru

Right side basement: Iron (?)

 

Ta-Metru: The forge, as usual. Being in the basement section of the city has somewhat embittered some of the members of this Metru, and anger is the predominant theme. Graffiti is a common sight, and the fires of Ta-metru burn constantly, giving off a somewhat erie glow to the basement. (Think somewhat steampunk)

 

Po metru: Although Po-Metruans are not great fans of being underground (they can’t build tall sculptures), they greet the challenge of building with that almost annoying cheerfulness that characterizes their hardy race. Style and functionality are combined in a beautiful blend. It is often the most visited part of the downstairs area (Theme: Modern architecture)

 

Iron District: Being underground doesn’t seem to affect most Iron tribe members much. Then again, nothing seems to do. Most simply carry out their daily chores without complaint, preferring to leave style and art to the up dwellers. They are primarily miners, with thick heads and even thicker bodies. This view of life is transferred to their buildings. (Think square, drab, and uninteresting) However, it has also become one of the greatest breeding grounds for the Double-Life drink.

 

Le-Metru: Upbeat, always moving, innovating. This is the tallest metru, and by far the largest. Due to the nature of Le-matoran, very few seem addicted to the Double-Life drink. (Theme: futuristic)

 

Lightning District: The word here is hyper. This is a breeding ground for the immature, crazy, or just plain stupid. It also happens to hold the power source for the city. (Think party everywhere)

 

Ga-Metru: This is a place for philosophers, scientists, scholars, and geniuses to meet. Almost all the innovative ideas come from here. Many of these scholars never come out of their rooms, so there is little knowledge of what goes on inside. (Theme: Tibetan monasteries)

 

Opening file: Important information and rules

 

Important information

Very little is known about the drink Double-Life. What is known is this: It’s highly addictive, and pulls you into a fantasy world where you can create anything, be anyone, interact, and fight with others on the plane of the mind, and move at the speed of thought. Beware, however, if this sounds tempting. Each time you go in, it becomes harder to get out. If done too many times, the user becomes entrapped in that world, never waking. These creatures are what is now commonly called “Sleepwalkers.” (Note: Any reference to zombies is intentional) These Sleepwalkers seem to be placid during sunlight hours, so day dwellers are usually safe. However, don’t go out at night. These sleepwalkers appear to be somewhat intelligent, and can think somewhat independently. They also commit violent acts randomly, and you can never be sure if a sleepwalker will ignore you or attack you.

          Turaga Eryon, for reasons unknown to us, is ignoring this, calling this an outbreak of plague. We suspect he himself is under the influence of small amounts of Double-Life himself.

 

Factions

There are several factions within this city, most radical, some logical.

 

The Naturalists: Mostly made up of Agori and Glatorian, this group has shrunk from the technological leaps New Metru has made, preferring to live a simple life on the outskirts of Ga-Metru. Don’t let this fool you, though. They are by far the most agile and well-trained fighters, using only simple weapons to achieve their goals. Most are neutral to the council of four, although a recent uprising has been made against the fifth member of the Council, Luya. All Naturalists kill sleepwalkers on sight, declaring them the “Monsters of New Metru”

 

The Dream-Worshippers: Also known as “Sleepwalker buddies.” Most of them are half gone from usage of the Double-Life drink, but the ones who can still coherently think argue that they are simply returning to a “Naturalistic state of mind.” This is the main producer of sleepwalkers.

The Sleep-Busters: These are also known as “Sleep-killers.” All of them have a distinct hatred for all sleepwalkers, and simply put them out of their misery on sight. Most are basement-dwellers blaming the upstairs for the problems caused by the drink. Becoming one is easy. Kill as many sleepwalkers as you can.

 

The Investigators: A group dedicated to the study of sleepwalkers, and the cure. These are usually the even-keeled ones, who simply want to get to the bottom of the epidemic, and find out who’s behind this.

 

(Note: These clans are just starters for your imagination. If you have a better idea, tell me, and I might add it to the list)

 

Rules:

 

1.     All BZPRPG rules apply.

2.     Masks not allowed: Time, Life, Creation, Zombies/undeath, Wizardry (any programmable power), Light, Shadow.

3.     All Solid-state holographics, giant laser cannons, phasers, lightsabers, etc. must be approved by a moderator

4.     Custom Characters must be approved by a moderator

5.     Custom Powers is ditto

6.     NO METAGAMING!

7.     NO GODMODDING!

8.     All players must post what character they are, and where, after IC (ex. IC(Noob, unknown))

9.     Have fun!

 

 

Any better?

 

-Elrond


  • 0

Gentlemen, it's time to spread the word. And the word is: Panic

 

life is not a question of how long we live, but what we do with the life we have



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#639 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

Toa Levacius Zehvor
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Posted Feb 28 2013 - 07:34 PM

And once more, another edition of the story Annotations of Levacius. Annotations are displayed in [color=#b22222;]fire brick,[/color] the most awesome kind of brick there is. As are capitalization errors and the like. Usually I don't bother with spelling/grammar, but I think the capitalized, bolded letters of flaring red will also make the text look cooler.

 

 

It’s [color=#b22222;]A[/color]ll [color=#b22222;]I[/color]n [color=#b22222;]Y[/color]our [color=#b22222;]H[/color]ead

 

Incoming transmission from [color=#b22222;]T[/color]uraga Eryon…

 

Hello, friend, and welcome to New Metru City. I hope your stay with us will be pleasant. If you’re new here, be sure to stop by our welcome center, which has all the information you need to make your stay a comfortable one. Oh, and don’t forget to try Turaga Luya’s new drink, Double-[color=#b22222;]L[/color]ife. It’s very stimulating-[color=#b22222;] Okay, what can we gather from here? This is New Metru City. Which translates to New City City. Wouldn't one city suffice? Metru-Nuva, perhaps (New City). Huh... actually, I might use that some time. So, this is an introduction. And apparently there's lots of turaga. And a drink that's stimulating.[/color]

 

Transmission interrupted.

 

New message from: Toa Rehu, New Metru [color=#b22222;]S[/color]ecurity and [color=#b22222;]I[/color]nvestigation

 

“I hope you got most of that introductory message, but if you didn’t, too bad. We have a situation. For all visitors, heed my warning. Don’t drink Double-Life.[color=#b22222;] [/color][color=#b22222;]Say no, kids. Trading cards are a much better solution.[/color]

 

Why, you ask?

 

Put simply, Double-Life is tearing this town apart. It’s an addictive drink, one that leaves the body intact, but brings the body to an unhealthy dependence upon it. Turaga Luya seems to be controlling and corrupting everyone through it. I think even [color=#b22222;]T[/color]uraga Eryon is being influenced by it, and- [color=#b22222;]How do you control/corrupt somebody through a drink? Also, it claims 'leaves the body intact, but brings the body to an unhealthy dependence upon it'. What did you mean here? But let's see. So, Luya made a drink, and Eryon appears to be in charge but under his influence now. And this Toa is talking to us about stuff.[/color]

 

*garbled mumblings in the background* [color=#b22222;]What.[/color]

 

 

-I can’t stay. They’re coming for me. I’m emailing all my investigation results to you. If anything happens to me, keep the investigation going. Keep calm, stay safe, and for karz sake, DON’T GO OUT AT NIGHT TIME.” [color=#b22222;]This is quite the cliche opening sequence. So, going out at night is dangerous, and we need to remaing safe and calm. And they're coming for this guy. If they're coming for him, why doesn't he leave? I mean, most of the time, you don't know somebody is coming for you. If they're coming for him, why doesn't he just leave the city? Or figure out something else. I dunno, there's lots of things you could do to avoid being got if you know who's doing the gotting and when they're gonna got you.[/color]

 

Transmission ended.

 

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Casefile 126665             Name for reference: “Sleepwalking”

 

Investigator: Toa Rehu                   Date: 700,000 A.L.

Case Number: 984037776

 

First sighting: District 7 “Lightning-strike tavern”

 

Crime: Murder                       Perpetrator: Jole, matoran of fire (Male)

Scene of crime: Security vehicles arrived at the scene of crime to see the perpetrator throttling another patron outside. Suspect appeared to be doing it in his sleep, as witness reports said that he was throttling the victim with his eyes closed. Would not respond to mandatory warnings. Shocked with low-level shock guns. Refused to respond. Shocked again with high-level shock. Short circuited and went into power-arrest. Died without regaining consciousness.[color=#b22222;] Power-arrest? Died, no consciousness. Well, duh, he died. But he throttled a person or something. Okay.[/color]

 

Sub-file: Documented Evidence, failed to open. The file may be corrupt or fragmented.

 

Opening folder: Vital information

 

History of New Metru

 

New Metru was founded by 4 of the original 6 Toa Inika after the reuniting of Spherus Magna. Originally cobbled together from pieces of the Makuta robot, and parts from the original Metru Nui, New Nui was a ramshacklet grew into the largest city on Spherus Magna, barring New Atero. Because of the great crash, much of the technology in the old Metru Nui was destroyed, and much of the innovation of the last hundred centuries was lost to the Matoran and Agori. Using what was left of the technology, these original matoran began to piece together the technology of the past.[color=#b22222;] Wait, hold up. Weren't the Toa Inika enslaved by the Golden Skinned Being? As in, they're missing at the time. How'd they build up the city? I also don't understand why they would get parts from Metru-Nui and the like. Mata-Nui turned the Bara Magna region around them at least mostly into a paradise before the Prototype Robot collapsed, so they have all of the resources. Getting pieces from Metru-Nui and the like seems like a lot of work. I mean, think about it like this - Makuta supposedly fell face down. Which means Metru-Nui is now facing straight down in the robot. So how do they get the pieces like that? Everything is upside down. Bah, doesn't matter. These are just stupid gripes anyways.[/color]

            Today, New Metru is far beyond the technology of the past, and no longer uses the craftsman’s process of making disks. Production of disks is now relegated to programmed machines, and variables in disks are obsolete. Mask-making is now an ancient art form, handed down from master to apprentice. Finding one today is scarce, as most masks are pressure-molded into existence. Airships and hover-cars are common household items, and the average matoran lives in complete peace and freedom.[color=#b22222;] Wait... no more disks? Why would you stop making disks? Look, I'm sorry, but there's no technology more efficient than turning the equivalent of water into a magical frisbee. Whoever decided that pressure-molded masks are more efficient than magic items that let you levitate around with no visibly expended energy cost was a lunatic. What's next? Midak Skyblasters are less efficient than cannons? Rhotuka launchers are useless? These people have issues.[/color]

            New Metru is governed by the Council of 4, in accordance with the 4 original founders. The current governing council has ruled for almost 30,000 years, with the exception of Turaga Luya, turaga of Light, who recently became the fifth member of the ruling council, a move that has been met with no small resistance from the matoran of the city. Resistance, however, is dwindling, with the popularity of Double-Life being so high. [color=#b22222;]So 30,000 years have past. That's a number of years. So, Luya recently got himself a position that didn't previously exist, and people are upset. Well, duh.[/color]

 

Opening file: locations

 

Locations

 

New Metru is built on two levels; the top level being known simply as “upstairs” and the bottom level “The basement.” Each level has three koros:

 

Upstairs: Air, Lightning, and Water

 

Basement: Stone, Fire, and Iron

 

In the center of the city is a giant head, once the mind of Makuta, Half buried in the ground beneath it. Still, the face of the robot juts out slightly above the skyline of skyscrapers. Within this head is the civic center of New Metru. All directions in the city correlate to this head, and the metrus correlate to this.[color=#b22222;] How the KARZ did they move the entire head of Makuta? The head is just less than a thousand miles in length. That is far from a productive solution to anything. And this is just the center of the city? HOW BIG IS THIS CITY? Cybetron has smaller cities than this![/color]

 

Forehead upstairs: Ga-Metru

Forehead basement: Po-Metru

Left side upstairs: Lightning (Xa-Metru?)[color=#b22222;] Vo-Metru. I dunno when they made this official, but it's what I've seen on the forum and on BS01. I just went along with it because I've used 'Vi-' as an archaic form of the prefix.[/color]

Left side downstairs: Ta-Metru

Right side upstairs: Le-Metru

Right side basement: Iron (?) [color=#b22222;]Fe-Metru[/color]

 

Ta-Metru: The forge, as usual. Being in the basement section of the city has somewhat embittered some of the members of this Metru, and anger is the predominant theme. Graffiti is a common sight, and the fires of Ta-metru burn constantly, giving off a somewhat erie glow to the basement. (Think somewhat steampunk)[color=#b22222;] ... so why are they still in the city? Go somewhere else. It's a big planet.[/color]

 

Po metru: Although Po-Metruans are not great fans of being underground (they can’t build tall sculptures), they greet the challenge of building with that almost annoying cheerfulness that characterizes their hardy race. Style and functionality are combined in a beautiful blend. It is often the most visited part of the downstairs area (Theme: Modern architecture)[color=#b22222;] Again - get out of the city then.[/color]

 

Iron District: Being underground doesn’t seem to affect most Iron tribe members much. Then again, nothing seems to do. Most simply carry out their daily chores without complaint, preferring to leave style and art to the up dwellers. They are primarily miners, with thick heads and even thicker bodies. This view of life is transferred to their buildings. (Think square, drab, and uninteresting) However, it has also become one of the greatest breeding grounds for the Double-Life drink.[color=#b22222;] That's because they're all bored out of their minds from being stuck underground...[/color]

 

Le-Metru: Upbeat, always moving, innovating. This is the tallest metru, and by far the largest. Due to the nature of Le-matoran, very few seem addicted to the Double-Life drink. (Theme: futuristic)[color=#b22222;] That's because they already act like they're drinking.[/color]

 

Lightning District: The word here is hyper. This is a breeding ground for the immature, crazy, or just plain stupid. It also happens to hold the power source for the city. (Think party everywhere)[color=#b22222;] I take offense to this.[/color]

 

Ga-Metru: This is a place for philosophers, scientists, scholars, and geniuses to meet. Almost all the innovative ideas come from here. Many of these scholars never come out of their rooms, so there is little knowledge of what goes on inside. (Theme: Tibetan monasteries)[color=#b22222;] What's with all of these different themes in this city?[/color]

 

Opening file: Important information and rules

 

Important information

Very little is known about the drink Double-Life. What is known is this: It’s highly addictive, and pulls you into a fantasy world where you can create anything, be anyone, interact, and fight with others on the plane of the mind, and move at the speed of thought. Beware, however, if this sounds tempting. Each time you go in, it becomes harder to get out. If done too many times, the user becomes entrapped in that world, never waking. These creatures are what is now commonly called “Sleepwalkers.” (Note: Any reference to zombies is intentional) These Sleepwalkers seem to be placid during sunlight hours, so day dwellers are usually safe. However, don’t go out at night. These sleepwalkers appear to be somewhat intelligent, and can think somewhat independently. They also commit violent acts randomly, and you can never be sure if a sleepwalker will ignore you or attack you.[color=#b22222;] It would be pretty easy to deal with them if you had a few weaken Kanoka with you, now wouldn't it? If the drink has been doing this, then people obviously aren't paying very much attention.[/color]

          Turaga Eryon, for reasons unknown to us, is ignoring this, calling this an outbreak of plague. We suspect he himself is under the influence of small amounts of Double-Life himself.[color=#b22222;] Then fire him. Isn't this a council of five people anyways? That's three to two! Is this really some kind of dicatorship where only this one person does anything? Are the other three just figure heads?[/color]

 

Factions

There are several factions within this city, most radical, some logical.

 

The Naturalists: Mostly made up of Agori and Glatorian, this group has shrunk from the technological leaps New Metru has made, preferring to live a simple life on the outskirts of Ga-Metru. Don’t let this fool you, though. They are by far the most agile and well-trained fighters, using only simple weapons to achieve their goals. Most are neutral to the council of four, although a recent uprising has been made against the fifth member of the Council, Luya. All Naturalists kill sleepwalkers on sight, declaring them the “Monsters of New Metru”[color=#b22222;] That's pretty karz'in violent.[/color]

 

The Dream-Worshippers: Also known as “Sleepwalker buddies.” Most of them are half gone from usage of the Double-Life drink, but the ones who can still coherently think argue that they are simply returning to a “Naturalistic state of mind.” This is the main producer of sleepwalkers.[color=#b22222;] They don't seem to be much of a threat. I could kill them all in their sleep.... heheh. I made a funny.[/color]

 

The Sleep-Busters: These are also known as “Sleep-killers.” All of them have a distinct hatred for all sleepwalkers, and simply put them out of their misery on sight. Most are basement-dwellers blaming the upstairs for the problems caused by the drink. Becoming one is easy. Kill as many sleepwalkers as you can.[color=#b22222;] Is everyone here just a murdering psychopath? See, this is why they need their Kanoka disks.[/color]

 

The Investigators: A group dedicated to the study of sleepwalkers, and the cure. These are usually the even-keeled ones, who simply want to get to the bottom of the epidemic, and find out who’s behind this.[color=#b22222;] At least they're not psychos.[/color]

 

(Note: These clans are just starters for your imagination. If you have a better idea, tell me, and I might add it to the list)

 

Rules:

 

1.     All BZPRPG rules apply.

2.     Masks not allowed: Time, Life, Creation, Zombies/undeath, Wizardry (any programmable power), Light, Shadow.[color=#b22222;] [/color][color=#b22222;]I thought it was the Mask of Conjuration, not Wizardry... anyways, why are the masks of undeath and the mask of reanimation banned in this setting? This is a futuristic city, and I hardly see more than two, maybe three dead bodies ever available at once. That puts very limited use to the mask. And the mask of undeath is pretty much a one use thing; you die and come back, but you're slower of reflexes and can only accomplish one goal. Kind of limiting.[/color]

3.     All Solid-state holographics, giant laser cannons, phasers, lightsabers, etc. must be approved by a moderator

4.     Custom Characters must be approved by a moderator[color=#b22222;] [/color][color=#b22222;]Look, I've seen one RPG that was set up to do it this way (I think), but beyond maybe one case I don't think I've ever seen a case where it wasn't this way. You or another GM go through and approve every character. You don't just make a character and throw them into the game. That's sort of a BZPRPG only thing. So this, and rule 5, are pretty obvious.[/color]

5.     Custom Powers is ditto

6.     NO METAGAMING!

7.     NO GODMODDING!

8.     All players must post what character they are, and where, after IC (ex. IC(Noob, unknown))

9.     Have fun!

 

 

Any better?

 

-Elrond

 

 

I stopped with the capitalizations about halfway through. Too much work.

 

So, that was my commentary.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:


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#640 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 28 2013 - 11:13 PM

First, I didn't say they didn't stop making disks. I just said the masks were pressure molded.

 

One of your points has bearing on the story. PM me and I'll tell you why this isn't a plothole.

 

In answer to your question: This city is BIG. What could you expect after 700,000 years.

 

So this seems more like nitpicking. Bottom line, is this a viable story?

 

Thanks,

 

-Elrond


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Gentlemen, it's time to spread the word. And the word is: Panic

 

life is not a question of how long we live, but what we do with the life we have



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