The Official RPG Planning Topic

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

Still weaker than Toa by quite a bit, though. But in any case, that just means that players have to work with each other well as the Matoran.One thing that could be done is having Matoran discover ways to tame the Rahi of the island, with the infected masks all removed, and then giving them special armor and stuff and using them against the Bohrok. Assuming, that is, that the Bohrok were awakened well after when Makuta would have done so.We already know the Le-Matoran had their air defense force on Gukko birds. Maybe you could have a few Ussal trained for fighting, closer to the Rock Ussal from the Voya-Nui Online Game than the ones like Pewku, used by the Onu-Matoran. Ta-Matoran riding Hikaki. Stuff like that.Just get creative with your opposition. Heck, have the Rahkshi from Makuta's lair get free and wander the wasteland as wild Rahkshi. While killing everything they come across.Wow, we're throwing a lot of ideas at this.-Toa Levacius Zehvor

[NStephenH]

Idea to nerf down Toa... Something happened and the toa have very little/no elemental control, and can only use mask powers. Like with the nuva/kal, but none of the suva stuff.I am workin on my entry an should have the rough draft posted here by tomorrow afternoon.

Edited August 3, 2012 by NStephenH

[Evex_Wolfwing]

Could always have a significant amount of time pass since the Toa Mata perished fighting Teridax. That would allow for technology to develop, and thus buff the Matoran. As for how the Bohrok would have woken up, then... Well, lets just say the Onu-Matoran dug too greedily, too deep...

[otter]

Could always have a significant amount of time pass since the Toa Mata perished fighting Teridax. That would allow for technology to develop, and thus buff the Matoran. As for how the Bohrok would have woken up, then... Well, lets just say the Onu-Matoran dug too greedily, too deep...

And then they woke up the Balrog Bohrok.Durin's Nuparu's Bane, anybody?

[Evex_Wolfwing]

I think this could get pretty good...Anybody else nervous about the idea of a swarm of Nuvohk tunnuling up and tearing people apart?

[Toa Of Virtues]

What if the bohrok were playable characters? Maybe the Bahrag noticed the Matoran/Toa were clever, so they made smarter krana.

Edited August 3, 2012 by Toa Of Virtues

[Evex_Wolfwing]

Unessecary. Hive Minds work, why mess with it? Besides, the Bohrok-Kal got greedy at the end, and that was their downfall. Thought was their unhinging.

Edited August 3, 2012 by Evex_Wolfwing

[NStephenH]

Here's what I have so far. It isn't that good, but it is my rough draft. I more of want feedback about the general idea, and what people think I could do to improve it.Idea for BZPRPG Contest:BOHROK(2001 happens as normal… with a twist)The Toa Mata were sent to defeat Makuta, and they did, but at a terrible cost: Their lives. Makuta, weakened and angry, uses the last of his strength to awaken the Bohrok queens. The Bohrok swarm to the surface, emotionless and ready to cleanse. With no toa left to save them, the matoran are defensless. Desperate, the turaga gather at kini-nui, in an attempt to summon more toa to save them. A signal goes out, and many toa arrive on the island. Before they have a chance to strike, a tremble goes through the island as an earthquake as kini-nui crumbles, and a few rakshi escape. The great suva (something I just made up), the source of all the toa’s power, is destroyed during the quake. The toa now are powerless, with only there masks to help them. Desperate, the ta-koro gard attack the on-coming swarms as they attack po-koro. Many matoran fell, and only 2 bohrok were defeated. However, a po-matoran named neparu makes a crucial discovery: The Bohrok are mechanical! Using the remains of those two Bohrok, he designs the first Boxor. Using this, he is able to defeat many more Bohrok, and thus build more boxor.It is now 6 months later. Boxor 3.2 are now the standard vehicle for matoran defending the remaining cities of onu-koro, ta-koro, and ko-koro. Most of the po-, le-, and ga-matoran have been assimilated, though there are many refugees living in the other koro’s. The boxor aren’t the only defence the motoran have. They also have wrestlers (larger, but harder to make) and terra-gliders (2 matoran armored vehicles that can plow through bohrok. The matoran aren’t the only ones who have made advances. The bahrag also released the six Bohrok-Kal, and BAD tanks (Bohrok Armored Defense). Unbeknownst to the matoran, 7 TLT’s (toa Like transports) were released by the Bohrok queens. These appear to be toa, but are in fact more advanced Krana-Kal (Known as AKK) in robotic shells. The first one of these didn’t work completely right, and it escaped to the surface, and lives amongst the toa.HOW TO PLAY: Same as all of the other BZPRPGs. No OCC only posts, follow friar tucks guide to common sense, etc.ProfilesSpecies: Can only be powerless Toa or a Matoran. Staff can control Bohrok swarms, TLT’s, Bohrok-Kal and BAD Tanks. Experienced RPG players may be given control of one of these by staff, but it is not likely.Vehicle: Boxor, Terra-glider (must be shared with another player or char) or Wrestler. Others are acceptable, but must be approved by staff, and pictures are helpful.Mask: (if Applicable)Description: What it looks like. Pictures are always helpful.Histroy: The chars past.Weapons: If you have a vehicle, you do not get a projectile weapon, other than bamboo disks. Everyone can get at least one sharp weapon (Sword, dagger, trident, etc)Weakness: (must be an actual weakness, not something stupid and nearly impossible to use against them)Anything else:REGIONS: PO-KORO: The Bohrok don’t grow from av-matoran anymore, they are made from raw materials. Po-koro is a factory, with the enslaved po-matoran working there.Le-Koro wasteland: Not much jungle is left. Where the treetop city once stood, there is now a large building where the mind-controlled le-matoran keep shelter in the nights.Ga-koro: Now just water. Go for a swin if you like. The worse thing that could happen is a rahi could bite you in half.Ta-koro: A stronghold, and the final defense against the Bohrok. The bridge can be easily lowered, and nothing can get to the city inside the volcano.Onu-koro: Probably the next to go. Boxors patrol the streets day and night, and the Bohrok keep coming.Ko-koro: The factory for the matoran is here. Bohrok function less well in the cold, and those that freeze make good parts. There are many patrols here as well.NPCs: Coming soon.

[Wyrd Bid Ful Araed]

First off, grammar check. Many places where you could use some capitalisation.

A signal goes out, and many toa arrive on the island

Okay, how is this signal bringing the Toa? The six Mata were already in sealed pods ready to be specifically sent to Mata Nui which is why Takua's little signal thing worked. How are free Toa supposed to get the signal?And how do they get to Mata Nui? I think the only way there is through either Metru Nui (currently sealed off) or Karzahni (Bionicle Tartarus)

The great suva (something I just made up), the source of all the toa’s power, is destroyed during the quake. The toa now are powerless, with only there masks to help them

The source of Toa power is elemental energy found within them, but whatever, artistic license. I just question why you bring Toa in at all if you immediately nerf them and place all the focus on Matoran and machinery instead

However, a po-matoran named neparu makes a crucial discovery: The Bohrok are mechanical! Using the remains of those two Bohrok, he designs the first Boxor. Using this, he is able to defeat many more Bohrok, and thus build more boxor.

Nuparu is actually an Onu-Matoran. He made the Boxor out of Gahlok attacking Onu-Koro. Oh wait, you call him Neparu, is this a new character?

They also have wrestlers (larger, but harder to make) and terra-gliders (2 matoran armored vehicles that can plow through bohrok

What do these Wrestlers, Terra-Gliders and for that matter the Boxor 3.2 look like and do? Are they still limited to punching and grappling, or do they have more specific weaponry?And what are these BAD tanks capable of? Are they essentially just really big Bohrok?Your profiles don't have anywhere to list a characters name

[25K Now!]

You know, the mention of the Onu-Matoran digging down too deep also reminded me of Dwarf Fortress as well as the aforementioned LoTR reference.Well I do like turning the dead bodies of Av-Matoran into giant robots idea. You just need to flesh out more description and the like.

[NStephenH]

First off, grammar check. Many places where you could use some capitalisation.

A signal goes out, and many toa arrive on the island

Okay, how is this signal bringing the Toa? The six Mata were already in sealed pods ready to be specifically sent to Mata Nui which is why Takua's little signal thing worked. How are free Toa supposed to get the signal?And how do they get to Mata Nui? I think the only way there is through either Metru Nui (currently sealed off) or Karzahni (Bionicle Tartarus)

The great suva (something I just made up), the source of all the toa’s power, is destroyed during the quake. The toa now are powerless, with only there masks to help them

The source of Toa power is elemental energy found within them, but whatever, artistic license. I just question why you bring Toa in at all if you immediately nerf them and place all the focus on Matoran and machinery instead

However, a po-matoran named neparu makes a crucial discovery: The Bohrok are mechanical! Using the remains of those two Bohrok, he designs the first Boxor. Using this, he is able to defeat many more Bohrok, and thus build more boxor.

Nuparu is actually an Onu-Matoran. He made the Boxor out of Gahlok attacking Onu-Koro. Oh wait, you call him Neparu, is this a new character?

They also have wrestlers (larger, but harder to make) and terra-gliders (2 matoran armored vehicles that can plow through bohrok

What do these Wrestlers, Terra-Gliders and for that matter the Boxor 3.2 look like and do? Are they still limited to punching and grappling, or do they have more specific weaponry?And what are these BAD tanks capable of? Are they essentially just really big Bohrok?Your profiles don't have anywhere to list a characters name

1. Its a righ draft.2. How do toa get to mata nui in bzprpg? I was just trying to give players some more freedom.3. Once again, trying to give players more freedom.4. My mistake. Sorry.5. I am working on building those. I have already built a bad tank, and it basically wraps around th e bohrok and has treads. when the bohrok comes out, it changes into something with a flamethrower and two shields.6. I knew I was missing something. Edited August 3, 2012 by NStephenH

[NStephenH]

I just finished my Wrestlar. It punches, and is basically just punching exo-toa armor for a moatoran. I will post it on the moc pages as soon as I get my good camera, and post a link to it here. I admit that some of my ideas were a bit... flismy, but it was my first draft.

[Grantaire]

Some people would fight, others would cry. Some would fly, others would stand.But, some are neither; there are those who simply sit, emotionless. Is it any surprise that we are all governed by them?[Fancy title I haven't invented goes here]When the world collapses around you, when any year you know it will fall: when tribes with power immense beyond imagining are filled with hatred against one another, there are many reactions taken. Some will try to delay the inevitable. Others, to flee it.But those behind the scenes, the ones who actually have intellect, they plan. They flee and delay, but with a plan that long outlasts the present.And so, as countries move to tear each other apart, the race known only as the Great Beings tranquilly create. But perhaps tranquility is only the surface, a mood made to improve the harsh future they make, and the harsher future their creations must face.Toa, Vortixx, Skakdi, as well as other, still essential species are created as the workers. Beings to run, and beings to indwell within what is becoming fast the hope of the world; the plan beyond the present, and in ways the plan beyond the plan.But there is more, as these Beings know; all that they make is unstable, and therefore unstable must stabilize unstable. A balance to the seemingly perfect races they have is found in the element of threat, and so the races of Rahkshi are created.But all things for these Beings must be tested, and for them, war and desolation is the setting they prefer.

---

As hostility builds up between the tribes of Spherus Magna, the Great Beings are engaged in what they do best: creating. Following their failed creation of a massive robot over 40,000 years ago, they have been plotting an improved form of it, a plan that has been sped up and reshaped in view of the inevitable collapse of the planet. Unlike the first robot, this creation will be powered by forces generated by living beings, who will dwell within. However, like all their creations, they deem it wise to proceed first with experimenting. With first thousand or so models of the chief species to be used, they have decided to put a check-force into play: Rahkshi. On the surface harmless rahi, they are intended to be a force at the ready for any time that the designated protectors are helpless. So, in light of this duty, the experiment is designed explicitly to see what success they can operate this, and to what success their new creations can resist.---Basically, the GBs create some primitive species for the MU such as Toa, Vortixx, Skakdi, and also Rahkshi. They have not as of yet made the race of Makuta, although the concept, and probably the first member, exists. So they decide to test to see the effectiveness of their creations by creating an artificial country, and unleashing hordes of Rahkshi on it. The country would be artificially desgined so that the leaders would fight back, be destroyed, resulting in an all out anarchic fight between the countrymen and the Rahkshi, with most likely in fighting.The Vortixx, Rahkshi, Toa, and Skakdi would all have power levels, based somewhat off of Kraata levels. These prototype toa and skakdi do not have elemental power, and thus Skakdi powers are eye beams, Toa have Kanohi, Vortixx have Rhotuka, and Rahkshi have Kraata power. All players would start on the first level, and would advance in power based on either:1: number of substantial IC posts for each character.2: amount of kills.3: Number of ICs, with PCs killed giving more points.Most likely 3 though.So, that's the result of my idea as fermented over the past half week. It would be greatly sandbox, although with some story. If anyone is interested n helping me with this, I need someone with reasonable skills, who has the time and energy to be an active GM.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Zarayna: The Quiet Light

[Wyrd Bid Ful Araed]

So the GBs are just creating a whole load of species then chucking them on an island to see them fight? Why? How does that test their effectiveness? It seems like thats the exact opposite of the stability they're trying to achieve

[Lara White]

Ripped from my blog--So, the RPG would be set at sea. Instead of submitting character profiles, you'd submit a profile for your ship--ship type, weaponry, allegiance (which, of course, depends on what the plot is), etc. You'd be able to upgrade all that junk based on your success throughout the game in the areas of battle and civilization-building.How, you inquire, does one battle and build civilization? Well, you'd have control of the entire crew of your ship, and based on your efforts in the realms of battling and building civilization you'd receive upgrades!But wait, RM, how do you have any kinda personal interaction with your buddies when you control entire crews? But wait, RM, how can you keep track of the entire crew's whereabouts?Well, in addition to your ship's profile, you'd submit a relatively short profile for your captain, who's the main focus of the RPG. The crewmen would be something between PCs and NPCs--controllable for the sake of battles and civilization-building and such, but one-dimensional, 'flat' characters who can't play as much of an RPing role (lol role-playing role) as the captain. If you wanna flesh out a crew member or twelve, all you gotta do is submit a profile for 'em and get going.This is an extremely rough draft of an idea, so there'll be lots of holes. Please point them out so I can figure out solutions, or if you think it's entirely bogus scrap it all together. Thoughts?

Reminds me of the way I handled space combat in Darkspace and NoI. I'd play this, especially if I get to run around in a battleship. >=D Edited August 7, 2012 by Lloyd: the White Wolf

[Grantaire]

So the GBs are just creating a whole load of species then chucking them on an island to see them fight? Why? How does that test their effectiveness? It seems like thats the exact opposite of the stability they're trying to achieve

The Great Beings, planning for the seeming inevitable of discord within the Matoran Universe, created the Rahkshi as the servant-warriors of the soon to be made Makutas race. This essentially is to test whether or not these Rahkshi are effective in combat. It also works to test how effective the prototype Toa are in battle. This would also be a test to see how the creations attacked react in this particular situation; their rationality, goodness, and overall ability to cope with difficulty. This is in the first stage of the creation of the MU inhabitents, and so they are not yet seen as robots: they would probably be at this stage 50-50 instead of 85-15.This also verges from the canon in these aspects:1: the civil war between the tribes is something that gradually builds up over the course of decades. 2: the GBs, at the onset, did not intend the MU people to be robots, or if they did had not succeeded in blending Agori with machines to the point where rationality was concealed by programming.But, the setting was more of an afterthought for the theme I wanted to use; toa with limited power and the like. I might try adding som e horror theme to it, but...Yeah, this certainly is prototype.

[Palm]

Here's a really rough draft for an idea I had. It takes place billion years after the sun scorched the surface of Bara-Magna. At this point, only one city remains, a desert city, Raki-Nui. The only currently known place on the planet where resources still exist. The people are poor, every home is made out of stone and mud, and it is very hot. The sun is only a little more dormant than it once was. If the inhabitants don't cover their eyes with sun-glasses, or some form of permanent shade, they will go blind. Water on the surface quickly dries up, and the only place more is available is wells stationed around the city, where the water is warm and unclean.Without proper leadership, the people have started up their own little team. This team however looks to rule the city and keep a generous amount of the resources to themselves, spoiling those in charge. And they don't really do much to prevent bandits and thieves from doing their work. They've done a good job at keeping the poor down though, literally as well as figuratively. The rooftops are patrolled by "guards", and they're the only ones allowed there. Usually to get from one place to another quickly.The streets are generally extremely narrow, just wide enough for two lines of people to move through. Vortixx take up a full lane usually. This makes things interesting for chases including "revolutionaries" or bandits.Some people are trying to get rid of the corruption, and others are just trying to survive.I'll get more to editing the specifics later, but I'd like to see if anybody is interested in what I've got so far. Check outAnhydrous

AnhydrousIntroductionIt's been almost 1,000,000,000 years since the world ended.Nobody as been around long enough to remember how everything went down. And nobody had the time between the entire planet's population going berserk, and trying to find a place where you wouldn't light on fire to really write down what was going on. So you'll have to excuse me on whether or not I'm accurate. The sun entered the Red Giant stage of it's life. Anything that wasn't on the surface either was abandoned, or destroyed. The inhabitants had a chance to get under ground before their side of the planet was hit with the sun's rays. They were lucky to be on the dark-side when we realized what was happening.Once everything had cool down a bit; a matter of perspective, we emerged. Small settlements began to appear, trade between them began to grow. Things were still scorching hot, but they were as good as they were gonna get. We felt like we'd been through the worst. We were wrong. Resources started to deplete, and they were not replenishing. The sun had taken everything we had. Settlements fell one by one. So, we moved back into the caves and the underground.These underground shelters didn't last long though. A little under a year after we first emerged, we were forced to again when the ground shook, destroying everything we had left.Again, the survivors made their way outside,And now here I am, trying to piece the stories together as I tread across the desert wasteland, hoping to reach the one place left. I've left my small village behind, empty and useless, carrying all the supplies I could. I haven't eaten in three weeks, and I ran out of water two days ago.A massive city lies in wait on the horizon, half eclipsing the rising sun. I bring Raki-Nui one final message:They are the last city left.SummaryRaki-Nui, the largest, most prospering, and the last places left on Bara-Magna to live, it is home to around 100,000 people. There are no gates, no walls, just buildings. Huts mostly. Made from stone and mud. The homes are not arranged in any grouping system or organized fashion, and are packed closely together, leaving little room in the streets. Everybody covers their eyes here somehow. Either through some sort of goggles, glasses, or just a shader for their eyes. Otherwise, the sun will blind you. Merchants line the walls of buildings with whatever room they have, selling just about anything to make some money. Food, weapons, clothing etc.They're easy prey for thieves. Which is an even bigger problem since the "law enforcement" doesn't do much about it. They mostly carry big weapons, look intimidating, bully the people, and hoard whatever they can for themselves. They're known as the Tami, or the Raki-Nui Guard. They have no real leadership, just a couple of people who hold onto the resources they have in various locations around the city. Food and clean water most notably. The only places in the city where water is freely available are deep wells placed randomly around the city. They are usually pretty close to empty, and dirty. There is no rain to replenish them from above; there are no clouds. The only water that still exists is below.Anybody that suggests such a thing, is usually badly beaten and sometimes killed. You can't really go anywhere in Raki-Nui without being somewhere near a Tami or two. They patrol the rooftops, using them as a means of transportation, but do not let others do the same. But to be honest, they aren't really any better than the rest of us. We're all trying to get ahead here. It's too dangerous to care for somebody else. In this city it's everybody for themselves.But something interesting is happening. There are more and more people standing up, and lending a hand. People who are willing to get themselves killed defending an old merchant from Tami. People who are willing to give food and water to those who need it more. There's only one problem with that though:They don't have anything for themselves. No home, no job. Nothing. They can't afford that lifestyle. Mostly, people who have an ounce of decency are thieves in their own right. Stealing from Tami mostly. There isn't an organization of these people, and they tend to work alone. There's no way of identifying them, besides seeing them in the act. They're known as Awhina. The Matoran word for "Help".FactionsTami-"They've done nothing about the evil doers in the city because they are the evil doers. I'm sick of their ways, and you should be too."-UnknownBearing orange wrappings on their arms, Tami are the more wealthy of the people. Usually well fed and hydrated, they tend to prey on the poor, and have a thing for beating up anybody that attempts to take them down a notch. Strangely enough, these people aren't all bad. Some of them do what they do because they have to. Perhaps they have a family to support, and need the resources to do it. But usually, they're just greedy. They have free reign over the rooftops, and total freedom as to how to issue a punishment for "crimes". There is a small commitee of people that "run" the organization, but they spend most of their time in the warehouses or their own homes.Awhina-"The best part about the Awhina is they aren't a set group of people, nor are they really people at all. They're an idea."-UnknownBandits and thieves- by the Tami's standards, these people are only identified by stealing from and fighting the Tami. There is no real leadership, and no organization. Awhina is a name given to them by the people, and usually, Awhina don't even know they are an Awhina. They are generally the poorest of the poor, giving up their own things to help provide for others. One doesn't have to do anything to "join" the Awhina. You either are one or you aren't, and the people decide that. And the strangest part of the Awhina, is that they could literally be anybody.LocationsRaki-Nui is about three quarters the size of Metru-Nui, and is mostly circular in shape. The buildings are packed closely together, commonly shaded with faded brown covers of cloth, held up with wooden posts and rope. Every building is made from dried mud and sand-stone. The roofs are no different, and they don't really vary much in height. This makes traversing the rooftops almost impossible to do without being spotted. There are no prisons here in Raki-Nui, so if you're caught, you'll either end up dead or beaten until you wish you were.Northern Quarter-Exactly what it sounds like. This is where the main "Office" of the Tami is located, standing taller than all the other buildings, with three stories as opposed to the usual one, less common two. It's where most meetings are held by the Tami Commitee. It is heavily guarded day in, day out. Nobody else really wants inside because they'd know what would happen if they did. The first story is where most of the weapons and locker rooms are stored for the Tami members, although, it isn't used much, simply because most guards come out of their homes and are working. The second floor is a work-out room, and is storage to maps of the city, food, and water. And the third is the "conference" room, were the commitee meets. It also where whatever files and books left in the world exist. The files are almost entirely incomplete, and aren't really organized at all. They can only be accessed with special permission from a commitee member.Eastern Quarter-Running straight through the Eastern Quarter is where a single wide street runs through. The only thing in the way is the Trading Court. There are more wells on this side of the city than the others, making it the more populated of the four.Southern Quarter-The sourther half of the city isn't particularily interesting, besides the fact it has the widest streets, making it "home" to the majority of the homeless.Western Quarter-The only side of the city that is bordered by the closest thing we've come to having a wall. Mostly because it's where most the sandstorms come from. The walls are utterly useless though.The Trading Court-The center of the city is home to the Trading Court, surrounded both by homes and warehouses. One of the the only places in the city where the street is open. Also where cobble makes up the street ground as opposed to the hard earth. A common place for Tami to hang out. It is also home to the largest warehouse in Raki-Nui, owned by the Tami. It is well guarded, with a single entrance facing into the center of the Court.The Desert-Usually anybody that enters the desert wants to end their life. Really, there is nothing out there but sands and rocks. No water, no food, no shelter. Exiling people here is a common way for people to be put to death.Character Profile Temple-Name: Gender: (Male, Female, None)Species: (Toa, Matoran, Turaga, Vortixx, Skakdi, Agori, Glatorian)Alignment: (Good/Evil/Chaotic Evil/Chaotic Good etc.)Faction: (Awhina, Tami, Nuetral)Appearance: (State what your character looks like. It's a good idea to include armor in this as well)Kanohi: (Refer to list of usable Kanohi, if none leave N/A)Powers: (If any)Combat Style/Abilities: (How does your character fight? How do they avoid fighting? What style are they best at?)Weapons:Personality:Biography:

Edited August 21, 2012 by We Are Legion

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

Hmm. I start this off and I start thinking Mad Max immediately. There better be a Thunderdome.Crowded streets mean nothing when every single character is usually acrobatic, can fly, can jump long distances, or any combination in between.The world 'revolutionaries concerns me greatly when you're wearing that avatar.Time to review.~~~Okay, so the setting is one billion years in the future. Ouch. That's well more than long enough for any characters from the time of canon to be dead. There's a few problems though, and I'll start off with the ones on the scientific point of view.While we take great lengths to ignore physics in Bionicle for the sake of the story, I have to point out that for life to exist, it has to be a certain distance from the sun. Ergo, despite Spherus Magna being much larger than Earth, it still has to be within a certain range. If Solis Magna (the sun of Spherus Magna) was to suddenly enlarge, the planet would likely be consumed.Now, assuming that the planet is somehow lucky enough to either be far enough from Solis Magna or have its gravity increased, the change from main sequence to red giant would be much worse than you're describing. The biosphere would be destroyed. Problems like food and water would be minor compared to terrestrial and aquatic plants dying off. There would be no way to get oxygen. You wouldn't be able to breathe on the surface of the planet. This would be long after the water of the planet evaporated.Now, GregF may have said, "Real life physics don't apply in BIONICLE, unless scientists discovered Protodermis yesterday and I wasn't told about it.", but he never said, "Forget science, logic sucks."Now, some other issues. First, you keep using the name Bara Magna, but include the races out of the Matoran Universe. Which means this story is set after Makuta and Mata-Nui had their giant robot bodies fighting on the surface, and then Mata-Nui shouted 'Til all are one!' undid the destruction of the planet and recreated Spherus Magna. Personally, I think some of those moon chunks made a new moon for it, too. Otherwise, no tides (yes, Bill, you can explain that).Then, there's the fact it's one billion years in the future. Are you telling me that in one billion years time, this entire species, the Matoran Universe inhabitants already possessing technology surpassing our own, couldn't come together and make a technologically advanced society with space ships and stuff. And maybe lickety splitted themselves off the planet before they became Matoran fries with a side of coke?Now, assuming through some magical means we can't explain, life is still capable of existing on the planet... why wouldn't such an advanced society be able to manage it? You've got a sun, you can still make solar power. You've got ideas like matter transfusion all over Sci-Fi, just grab a big spoonful of dirt outside and turn it into a nice little slider. Anything you waste can just be reused to make something else later.And, of course, if food is so scarce, I wouldn't be surprised to see cannibal groups forming in this city, which aren't mentioned. Matoran fries, side of matter transfused coke.Now, while I think your set-up and setting is standing on a foundation of wibbily-wobbily Jell-O, the locations and factions are somewhat sound. There's always going to be rich elitists hogging the resources in a setting like this, it's almost necessary. Until the cannibals get them. And, of course, there's always going to be the people who help out. The locations would be better off with a map, however, and I personally like better descriptions than that, but it's a matter of taste.Profiles. *Sigh* I still don't know what nobody combines gender and species together. Saves a lot of space. Also, you misspelled Neutral. And there's Kanohi - it's always made more sense to me just describing it's appearance in Appearance and actual powers in Equipment. Which... yup. Just weapons. Not 'Equipment'. Why not just 'Equipment'? I blame BZPRPG.~~~Overall, if you're going for the post-apocalyptic, Mad Max or Fallout like setting, you'd be better sticking to backstories similar to those things than this. While I won't claim Supermutants are a feasible idea, it's still far better than this, which really couldn't pass in anything other than a 60's (or earlier) B-movie.That's all I have to say for now.-Toa Levacius Zehvor

[Palm]

Alright, cool, thanks for the feed back.Keep in mind, I wrote all that at one in the morning, and didn't finish in order to get some sleep. Hence the no map. And complete anything. :PAs for the Red Giant phase, I'm guessing it would be more realistic if a series of large solar flares happened? That way they couldn't've seen it coming, and it wouldn't completely destroy the planet. Also, something I failed to mention was the possibility of taking place in an alternate universe where the moons never landed, but Mata-Nui stopped Makuta some other way.Really, I was looking more to see whether or not the setting was interesting enough to play in, but this feedback is good too. Basing an RPG off the whole idea of no logic wouldn't've worked in the first place, so I thank you for addressing that. Perhaps a total change would be best. Think I should bother at all with fixing this up? Or just making a completely new one?

Edited August 21, 2012 by We Are Legion

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

Alright, cool, thanks for the feed back.Keep in mind, I wrote all that at one in the morning, and didn't finish in order to get some sleep. Hence the no map. And complete anything. :PAs for the Red Giant phase, I'm guessing it would be more realistic if a series of large solar flares happened? That way they couldn't've seen it coming, and it wouldn't completely destroy the planet.Really, I was looking more to see whether or not the setting was interesting enough to play in, but this feedback is good too. Basing an RPG off the whole idea of no logic wouldn't've worked in the first place, so I thank you for addressing that. Perhaps a total change would be best. Think I should bother at all with fixing this up? Or just making a completely new one?

My advice? Don't set it so far in the future. If you past one hundred thousand years, it gets pretty extreme.The 'after the end' set up is a good setting lots of people are familiar with. Really, anybody who hasn't seen a movie with that kind of set up or played a game with it may very well not know how to use a cellular phone.Actually, hold on a moment (and by a moment, I mean a few minutes for me, no time for you). There was an RPG along those lines not that long ago. Oh, yeah, here it is. Cradle of Civilization, by Lloyd. Of course, that one goes with the most basic explanation for such a catastrophe. The one from Mad Max, Fallout, Book of Eli.... yeah, lots of stuff. Because nuclear war is bad. But so is the sun getting mad at you.The solar flare idea doesn't work, either. A solar flare doesn't actually destroy planets. Mess up our electricity, yes. One's going to do that in 2013. But the idea of a solar flare destroying all life is just a thing those 2012 'End of the World' theorists believe. Can't wait till 2013, when that's all done with. Not that it won't be changed within a few days to 2050 or something. I can cite NASA on it. Or, rather, I would. I'm not 100% certain if it breaks BZP rules to post the link. The best I can do is -

Most importantly, however, even the biggest solar flares are not powerful enough to physically destroy Earth.

Now, my advice is this - you can go on with the idea. But look for more mundane ideas. Don't let the real world hold you back all of the way - Bionicle is Science Fantasy by nature, with more focus on the second word than the first. It has talking trees, for goodness sake. Perhaps Spherus Magna itself is dying. Perhaps the Energized Protodermis being extracted by the Great Beings is what destroyed the planet in the first place, and after being put together without its presence, it's starting to die. Or nukes. Nukes always work. We know they work.-Toa Levacius Zehvor

[Toa Of Virtues]

Soo remember the Shadow Hapaka? With the hostages? Ya that old group... Is it discontinued? I need a character of mine in that for a plot.sorry wrong topic

Edited August 22, 2012 by Toa Of Virtues

[The Swimming Beard]

Nearly finished verison:

ApocalypseI run for my life through Ga-Metru. They never stop pursuing. As I near the Po-Metru, I see an elderly turaga ahead, croching as if holding a wound. Is he hurt? I approach, looking to see if I can help him. But they are coming for me. I must escape. The Turaga stands up abruptly, and starts pursuing me. He is one of them too. Did he touch me? No, he couldn't have. I run, barely making it into the Po-Metru. But outside they are still there, always waiting. OverviewThe year is 2000 B.C.G. The once thriving city of Metru Nui has been reduced to little more than rubble, reaulting from the long war that has been going on. Po-Metru is one of the only safe places in the city. The Toa and Matoran fight the Dark Hunters constantly, never nearing an end to this war. Debris lines the streets, with the remains of buildings serving as military bases. And that isn't the worst part. Every day, more and more succumb to the epidemic. It affects those from both sides turning them into zombies, causing their consciousness to be removed, leaving only an empty body, wandering the streets. Almost all Matoran have succumbed to the epidemic, and many Dark Hunters as well. It is spread by touching those who are infected, and symptoms take several days to manifest, so those who look harmless may still be infected. Every day more of the city is destroyed by the constant fighting. The Vahki have been all but wiped out, with the few that remain fruitlessly try to eliminate the Dark Hunters. Dume has narrowly escaped death, and refuses to cease the war to deal with the epidemic. The coliseum was destroyed during an intense battle, and little is left in its place save for rubble. There is no way off the island, as the ports have been destroyed, and few or no ships remain, most having been destroyed in the fighting. The Shadowed One is cut off from the war, as no ships dare to sail to Metru Nui, fear of the epidemic being the cause.Locations(

Map of Metru Nui)Ta-Metru:Formerly an industrial city, Ta-Metru has fallen into ruin. The devastation is most obvious here; wherever you look, few buildings remain, and those that do are partially destroyed. The epidemic is also thought to originate from Ta-Metru, as the first known to be infected came from here. The few Nuurahk that remain have computer failures, and wander the streets aimlessly, almost like the zombies themselves. Few dare to venture into Ta-Metru, fear of the epidemic being the reason. The devestation originated from before the epidemic, during the time that a war was actually fought there. This area is also strewn with Vahki parts.Ga-Metru Ga-Metru is where most of the fighting happens, with the zombies being sparse here. The schools have become military bases, and the city is beginnign to fall into ruin, similar to what happened in Ta-Metru. Every day, battles are fought in Ga-Metru, with the Toa and Matoran taking on the Dark Hunters in direct combat. During all the fighting, both sides sustain roughly equal losses, and the war never comes any closer to an end. No vahki remain in this district. Le-MetruLe-Metru is controlled by the Dark Hunters, who use it as their base. Le-Metru is also the least ruined Metru, as fighting has not yet spread here. Occasionally, the Toa will launch an attack, but usually to no avail. The epidemic has not yet spread here, though it shows signs of doing so. The Dark Hunters have set up a large camp here, and use many of the buildings to store weapons and supplies.Onu-Metru Onu-Metru is rarely visited by either side. The archives are ruined, and the epidemic runs rampant here. It has become a wasteland, with any life form being wiped out by the epidemic. Few leave Onu-Metru alive, but there are large stocks of weapons here that originate from before the epidemic, and sometimes either side will send troops to recieve them, though few return from such missions.Po-MetruPo-Metru is the base of the Toa, as it is relatively epidemic-free. Occasionally a battle is fought in this district, but most Dark Hunters stay away, as the Toa forces here are great. The Toa use the buildings as bases and to store supplies, knowing they need to store all the supplies they can. Dume makes Po-Metru his home after the destruction of the coliseum, where he serves as leader of the Toa.Ko-MetruKo-Metru is a battleground, many of the buildings leveled by the constant fighting. The epidemic does not exist here, as the virus responsible is intolerant to cold. Every day, small groups of Toa and Dark Hunters fight here, though the cold discourages many, who fight in Ga-Metru instead. Lhikan was appointed leader of the forces here.FactionsThe ToaThe Toa fight the Dark hunters in the war, hoping to defend what remains of Metru Nui. They are led by Dume, who commands their battle plans. They attempt to find the source of the epidemic, knowing the zombies could become a more serious threat then the Dark Hunters. In recent times, they have decided it best to stray from the Toa Code, knowing killing is the only way to defeat the Dark Hunters. Turaga Dume refuses to cease the war, despite the growing epidemic.The Dark HuntersThe Dark Hunters invaded Metru Nui at a point far in the past. They fought the Toa, hoping to gain control of the island of Metru Nui. They also attempt to find the source of the epidemic, having traced it back to Ta-Metru. The Shadowed one remains in Odina, and appointed Lariska in charge of the war effort. Lariska stubbornly refuses to agree to a ceasefire, so the war continues.The ZombiesThe zombies prowl Metru Nui, midlessly stalking their victims. They are most prevalent in Ta-Metru and Onu-Metru, though some wander elswhere, The epedimic is caused by a virus that seemingly comes from Ta-Metru, and no cure has been found. The zombies are entirely gray in color, and their skin is drastically hardened, rendering them invulnerable to most attacks. They are composed of mostly matoran and Dark Hunters, though there are some Toa as well. Both the Dark Hunters and the Toa attempt to contain them, but to little avail, as they continue spreading. The epedmic was created when an insane Dark Hunter experimented with genetic structure in Ta-Metru, attempting to create a biological weapon to use against the Toa. Instead, he created the virus that created the zombies, and he was the first to become infected.GameplayYou may choose to play as either a Toa or matoran, or a Dark Hunter. You may not play as a zombie. During the game, you have the choice to either continue the war, or attempt to combat the zombies. If you choose the latter, you must keep in mind that there is no cure to the epidemic, and they are nearly impossible to kill. The Dark Hunters's numbers have been decreasing faster than the Toa, due to the fact that they have no elemental powers, making them more vulnerable to zombies. However, Matoran are equally vulnerable, and are infected far more often that others, meaing that few Matoran remain.Rules1. IC and OOC posts required. No OOC only posts.2. Obey all general BZPower rules.3. No god-modding. Do not play in a way that would be considered overpowered. No Nova blasts. Do not control other PCs without permission.4. Character profiles must be posted in the discussion topic for approval. No overpowered characters, If your character can destroy a whole island on their own, they're probably overpowered. If one of your characters die, you may replace it without using a character slot.5. Custom species are allowed, but they must be kept reasonable. No species are explicity disallowed, however, not all will be approved6. There is a five character limit.

Consequences

First Offense: You recieve a PM, warning you not to repeat the offending actionSecond Offense: One of your characters is brutally slaughtered, and you will not be able to replace it.Third Offense: All of your characters are slaughtered, and you are banned from the RPG for a week. Upon return, you may make one new character.Fourth offense: You are permanently banned from the RPG.

[otter]

There is only one thing I dislike about this RPG: That you can't play as a zombie.Not that I would go and immediately make a zombie, but one of my characters might get infected and become a zombie-as well, it'll be hard to stop people from GMing themselves away from the zombies if there is nobody but you to RP the zombies as anything but a random horde of NPCs.

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

@ Grochi; Your inability to crticize is why we can't have nice things, you know. Somebody presents an idea, people say whether its good or bad. The RPGs first drafts are presented, and it gets critiqued. Then, it graduates to the actual contest. We can finally review it as a fully-fledged RPG and rate it next to its fellows.@ Toa of Smooth Jazz; Since this is the nearly finished version, that makes it the most important one. This is the basis of everything. All problems must be adressed here so that their corrections can be implemented into the final draft, which precedes its release for full review by everybody at the next contetsts beginning. Which is pretty darned soon, so you'll want to start writing.My opinions on the concept itself have already been given, so saying how awesome/terrible zombies are is unecessary. If I see something I really like that stands out more than anything, I'll say it. But no wishy-washy here. Just my serious suggestions, with as few jokes as I can make, straight from my heart to your eyeball..-Toa Levacius Zehvor ~~~~The wording for the opening could be written a bit better. I'll only provide corrections and suggestions for the opening, or 'hook', becuase it's the first thing a reader sees - it's the thing that makes them read the rest of the RPG after it, and it's what all opinions on it are based off of. Thus, I strongly believe that you want to make it as good as you can. The following adjustments are only minor ones, despite the long descriptions that provide tips.I run for my life through Ga-Metru (I would advise describing Ga-Metru here, to give the reader to help set the mood - for horror in a still intact, describe the clinging of the shadows; for war, describe how the buildings are crumbling - in this case, either or both will work, but don't linger on it for too long unless you want to bore them). They never stop their pursuing us. ('pursuing' sounds strange to end a sentence with). As I near Po-Metru (they never say 'the' before a district), I see an elderly Turaga (capitalize species names) ahead, slumped over (crouched also sounds strange) as if holding a wound - is he hurt? (during formal writing, it is best to combine sentences together; in addition, the flow of the paragraph is broken by placing a question in third person in the midst of first-person dialoge like this). I approach, looking to see if I can help him. But they are coming for me, and I need to escape. (again, combining sentences helps with the flow of your words; 'must' was replaced with 'need' because the later carries a greater sense of urgency). The Turaga abruputly lunges towards me, and joins in the pursuit. He has become one of them, too. Did he touch me? No, he couldn't have. (I left these sentences because I thought they sounded fine, and made good, indepenendent statements that don't perform as much of a break in. In your initial writing you don't leave a reason for the narrator to worry about being touched by the Turaga, just that the Turaga was pursuing. Now the Turaga actually moved for an attack, and this also provides at least some reason for the reader to worry about the uncharacterized narrator). I keep running, pushing my limits, and reach Po-Metru. (this is both longer and has a bit more drama to it). But outside, they are still there, always watching... and waiting. (I've never seen 'watching and' not be be put in front of 'waiting')Overview - You know, we would have to ask one of the really old members like TPTI to be sure, but I don't remember anyone using BGC and the like until recently. Maybe they did. It would be cool to think I was the first, but I honestly doubt it, so I won't stake a claim. Anyways, two problems with its usage. One, you said BCG. I guess that works if you're translating directly from spanish (Before Cataclysm Great), but that's not how we do English. Second is a even smaller one - while the overview is directed to the player, it seems weird to use it before the fact. They didn't say 2000 BC back 4000 years ago. So knowing the proper means of describing the time might be nice; like say 8A6750 (Year 6750 of the 8th Age, which is 2000 years before the Great Cataclysm). Also, make a note of what it means after the overview in case somebody is confused.Okay, so now you're describing the setting, but as a history lesson rather than in a dramatic sense, which relieves any attempt to inspire tension in the reader. Okay, stuff and stuff. I'll discuss my problems with the alleged 'virus' later. Now, you try to adress the reason nobody can leave by the ports. The problem here is that you have the Hunters and Toa fighting, but they've lost half of their numbers in the battle, they have few supplies, and the zombies are out. No rational, sentient being anything short of a sadist, sociopath who doesn't care for their own life would refuse a treaty in this circumstance. In the event of such a leader, the troops would rebel and take over for themselves. In any event, the Hunters and Metru-Nui citizens would have sense enough to stop the war. Look at Transformers: G1. The Autobots and Decepticons would join together whenever something too large for them popped up because Megatron, though evil, cared for his own life, and Options cared for everyone elses other than his own. Armada is practically named after their final battle against Unicron, who could destroy their planet.The fact is, Toa are sworn to protect the Matoran, not the city of Metru-Nui. If you have a guarantee the Dark Hunters won't hurt the Matoran, than they would be morally obligated to make a deal with the Hunters.Now, with that said. There's no reason for this war to go on. There's also the fact the city is now mostly rubble. It's not getting any trade. So, let's put this together. Metru-Nui, unlike Mata-Nui, does not have large farms. It manufactures thing. Metru-Nui is basically the New York City of the Bionicle Universe, providing civilian appliances to the univers while Xia produces military goods. The Nynrah Ghosts, based on what's described, appear to provide specialized designs on a small scale and remaining far more anonymous, but they're worth mentioning.Now, with that in mind, consider the Great Temple, which is supposedly a pretty important location. It's going to have pilgrims, logically. It's going to have scholars visit. Scientists will want to come to Ga-Metru for different reasons. Finally, Metru-Nui is the biggest power plant in the universe, and Makuta absorbing all of its power in Legends of Metru-Nui prior to the Catacylsm left huge swathes of the known world without electricity.Now, unless the power plant is self reliant, it's probably running low on whatever helps make it work. It could just be a conduit of power from Mata-Nui's systems themselves, so that can be waved off. Yes, that make a lot of sense.

The Coliseum houses the power plant which produces energy for the entire city, generated by the flow of Liquid Protodermis underneath the building on its way to the rest of the city.

Okay, maybe not. So, less power for the universe. A surge in major cities.. Without anything being traded with it, Metru-Nui would be running low on supplies, and other places in the universe would be complaining about first-world problems.Add this together. Compute it. You determine that - with Metru-Nui in the present condition, the entire universe is under a threat. Infact, it's worse than the Matoran Civil War, which by itself nearly killled the Great Spirit. The Order of Mata-Nui know this. They would step in. The Brotherhood of Makuta would know this. They would step in, and it wouldn't be secretive - a single squadron of flying, almost indestructible Rahkshi could wipe out the zombies in a few minutes. In fact, Teridax would probably find a way to use his actions of saving them to help gain favor and make sure his initial plan went well. There's plenty of other parties in the Universe who would want to get that fixed, so you can bet that Metru-Nui would be located just north of a massive staging ground called "OPERATION: Kill Everything Grey". Even if it's fifty different shades of it.Now, what would be more interesting is having something along those lines, as I'll detail in Factions.Locations - Alright, so the areas of Metru-Nui are obviously the locations.--- Ta-Metru; Okay, some explanation of the place. I don't think this is a good point to start the epidemic from, though. As the major source of industry in the city, it would require the largest number of Toa guards and the like. The zombies escaping past this point is quite confusing, to say the least.--- Ga-Metru; I'm confused by the fact that a report is given on the robotic mooks called Vahki, but nothing about the Great Temple, the spiritual symbol of Mata-Nui in the city, is given.--- Po-Metru; Wait, what happened to the coliseum? The place that is located above the... power plant? Wait, so there is no power plant? There's no power at all being supplied from.... oh, wow. So you're telling me this isn't causing mass hysteria, and an army isn't gathering to purge the city of zombies?--- Ko-Metru; If the virus doesn't like cold, why don't you just stick the infected in an industrial freezer?Factions - I've said what I want to say about the Toa and Dark Hunters still fighting. Three points here - the problems in the factions, the zombies, and my ideas.Let's see. Well, the Toa are stil led by the apparently psychopathic Dume, who... commands their battle plans? You mean commands them and forms their battle plans? Wait, hold on - he's being allowed to plan battles, despite the fact that he's the only one who wants this war to continue, and doesn't seem to care if people die? And in other news, the Toa who follow a moral Code are straying from it. Sure, my main character outright calls it ridiculous, but not everyone does. You're suggesting that all of these Toa are giving up the Code now, when that could have saved their friends lives in the past, and sacrificing their morals and every difference between one of them and a Dark Hunter? Oh, okay.Dark Hunters. Okay, so you're saying the war began far in the past. This means you're saying that it's been years, and the Brotherhood still hasn't stepped in to stop anything? Now, let's look at this. Canonically, Lariska was pretty stubborn, but she did show feelings. She was completely distraught when Nidihki was transformed, showing that either a] she was capable of love, for him, which was suggested, or b] she was capable of fear, and was just shocked and terrified. Perhaps a mix of both? If she could feel that way for a single individual, can tell the city is almost worthless in its present condition, and is in this situation, it's logical she would have everybody leave the city. There's no point in staying. She would be willing to agreee to a cease fire. The Shadowed One would no doubt demand a strategic retreat for the same reasons, minus caring about men. Wait, hold on - when Nidihka and Krekka were killed, he declared war on a group of beings best compared to Dark Angels in service to Mata-Nui that lasted 1000 years. And now his Hunters are dying - killed by Toa - and being turned into horrible zombies. I'll leave you with that.Now that the sentients are dealt with, the zombies. Why the word zombie? There are so many undead types you could use, but you chose the zombie for whatever reason to be your name. Not ghoul, not corpsewalker, not bonewalker, nothing. Just zombie. And they're not even zombies. Oh, and apparently they have a layer of skin, even though Bionicle characters seem to have most of their external body covered by metal. Artistic license, I guess. But they're super tough.Traits from the traditional zombie before things like Resident Evil got ahold of it were displayed well in the old zombie movies. They're slow, they're nonsentient, and they're hard to kill. But it's not armor plating that makes them dangerous, it's the fact that only the destruction of one spot will kill them. In the oldest movies, it was the fact that the characters did not know that which made it terrifying. You don't expect to fight the walking dead, if you're an average joe. Also, they have numbers, and the confused protaganists are often forced into an area to hold out against the tide that may or may not work for them.Obviously that doesn't work when characters have powers, because a single fire Toa can wipe out a small horde with one hit. So you make them super tough. But those powers can still work. Superheat the ground and the zombie falls into the molten rock. Then a Toa of ice joins to cool it instantly, and you have a trapped zombie. Or you could, I don't know, superheat them on the inside and melt them from within. Or hit them with disintegration blasts that turn them to ash. Or just move at a brisk walking pace. If they're fast, then get help when you go out. Get creative with your powers. It's not that scary.Now, the zombies supposedly are a mystery. But you're telling us directly how the epidemic started. Oh, okay.Now then. The zombies spread this by contact, it seems. Just one touch. Wut? I'm not a professional Biologist, but I can say this makes absolutely no sense at all. How does it spread? What does it do? How does it work? Why doesn't it like cold? Now, it's assumably a virus. And they can spread it with a touch. The only way it could spread so simply is if it every inch of their body was crawling with it, and then begins to reproduce on the subject and spreads to them. But why does it only spread to the living? Why couldn't you just pour acid on that part of your body. It would hurt you, but the virus would be completely destroyed before it could spread. Amputataion upon contact would work just as well - heck, you could guarantee seeing one of my characters if this RPG were to win having lopped off their arm after infection to keep alive. In addition, wearing a hazmat suit or its equivalent would make their touch useless along these lines. Just strap on your pillow armor and go for a stroll.If it was at least partially a curse or something (the Plague from Elementum) which was sentient, this on-contact stuff works. But if it's purely biological, I demand to see the biology behind it.Now, I promised to give ideas. I would advise just combining the Toa and Hunters into a single group of survivors on the island, isolated in, say, the Coliseum. There's no ports there, so they can't escape that way. The city is crawling with zombies. For the most part, everybody has escaped already. They're just trying to survive against the zombie hordes. Now, you might think this is too small. If you want the whole city, then think back to before, with the other factions of the universe. Why not have the third faction being the unified group of people trying to free Metru-Nui from outside, sending in strike teams to help the survivors and hoping everything goes well? And, in the process, attempting to secure portions of the city for their own. That makes the objectives of the RPG three-fold - survive, destroy the zombies, and work in the interests of your faction while doing those two.Gamplay - Yup, yup, all of that stuff. Not allowed to play the monsters.Rules - The rules seem a bit on the simple side, and the consequences... boy, that escalated quickly. That's all I can really say to it. With all of that said, you don't have much in terms of character creation rules, and, in fact, have yet to do anything profile related. I see.Overall - Yes, this RPG leaves a lot of questions to be answered. I don't intend to be mean, so don't let yourslef think that. I'm just trying to provide the best, most detailed description of problems possible. The RPG at present may leave a lot to be desired, but don't let this make you want to stop. If you like it, and everyone else likes it, it doesn't matter what I say. It just means you're all wrong. So keep working at it. And make sure you're satisfied with whatever you come up with, because it's impossible to GM an RPG you want to GM and do it well.

[Wyrd Bid Ful Araed]

Lev covered pretty much everything I had to say. Trying to translate 28 Days Later into Bionicle just doesn't workAnd for the record, no I don't remember BGC being much used before. I kinda like it though. Means we can actually have dates on things

[The Swimming Beard]

Revised:

ApocalypseOverviewThe year is 2000 BGC. The once thriving city of Metru Nui has been reduced to little more than rubble in places, due to the long war that has been going on. The caverns are the only safe places in the city. Debris lines the streets. And that isn't the worst part. Every day, more and more succumb to the epidemic. It affects those from both sides, turning them into zombies, causing their consciousness to be removed, leaving only an empty body, wandering the streets. Almost all Matoran have succumbed to the epidemic, and many Dark Hunters as well. It may be spread by physical contact by the infected, though it will not always spread in this way. The Vahki have been all but wiped out, with the few that remain fruitlessly try to eliminate the zombies. Dume has narrowly escaped death, and agreed to cease the war against Dark Hunters, at least until the epidemic has been dealt with. The coliseum sustained heavy damage in a battle, leaving about 1/3 of the walls destroyed. This prevents the Coliseum from being a place of refuge, as there is no way to keep the zombies out. The Shadowed One is cut off from the Dark Hunters, not daring to venture to Metru Nui. No ships dare to venture to Metru Nui, as the entire city is overrun by zombies. The Onu-Matoran and Toa have been forced to expand the archives deep underground, a task that had been underway for many years even before the war. When the epidemic took hold, they took refuge there, as there was an enormous emount of space under the city. However, many zombies have spread here, spreading the epidemic as they come. There are rumours of an ancient secret in the caverns, which has the power neccesary to defeat the zombies, but no evidence has yet been found, partially due to the caverns' immense size and complexity.Locations(

Map of Metru Nui)

The Coliseum:

The coliseum stands in the center of Metru Nui, formerly a fortress. However, during the war, it sustained heavy damage, destroying a section of its walls. It is no longer safe as a fortress, as there is no way to keep out the zombies, who have overrun the coliseum. Like the rest of the city, all that remain here are the infected.

Ta-Metru:Formerly an industrial city, Ta-Metru has fallen into ruin. The devastation is most obvious here; wherever you look, few buildings remain, and those that do are partially destroyed. The epidemic is also thought to originate from Ta-Metru, as the first known to be infected came from here. The few Nuurahk that remain have computer failures, and wander the streets aimlessly, almost like the zombies themselves. The devestation originated from before the epidemic, during the time that a war was actually fought there. This area is also strewn with Vahki parts.Ga-Metru Ga-Metru was where most of the fighting happened, with the zombies being sparse here. The schools had become military bases, and the Metru is beginnign to fall into ruin, similar to what happened in Ta-Metru. Every day, battles were fought in Ga-Metru, with the Toa and Matoran taking on the Dark Hunters in direct combat. When the epidemic started, the fighting stopped, and both sides took refuge underground, agreeing to a ceasefire, leaving this Metru abandoned. No vahki remain in this district. The Great Temple is abandoned, though it still remains intact and relatively unaffected.Le-MetruLe-Metru was one of the safer places in the city, with the groups making this their base. It was formerly the base of the Dark Hunters. Le-Metru is also the least ruined Metru, as the war had not spread here before the ceasefire was agreed upon. The epidemic has not yet spread here, though it shows signs of doing so. There is an entrance to the underground in Le-Metru, it being the only Metru besides Onu-Metru that has an entrance.Onu-Metru During the war, Onu-Metru was rarely fought in. Even before the war, the Onu-Matoran and Toa had began work on a massive system of caverns under the city, for use if Metru Nui one day became uninhabitable. When the epidemic broke out, these caverns had recently been finished, and the Toa, Matoran, and Dark Hunters take refuge in these, few daring to venture outside. The few that do go outside never return, being either killed or infected. However, many zombies have spread down here, making it nearly as dangerous as the surface. The caverns are immensly large and complex, providing hiding places from the zombies. Large stocks of supplies and rations were saved in the caverns before the war, in preparation for a crisis such as the epidemic.Po-MetruPo-Metru was formerly the base of the Toa, though it is abandoned like all section of the city. It was relatively epidemic-free, and it showed no signs of spreading here. The Toa usde the buildings as bases and to store supplies, knowing they needed to store all the supplies they can. Dume made Po-Metru his home after the destruction of the coliseum, though he now lives underground like the rest of the survivors.Ko-MetruBefore the epidemic, Ko-Metru was a battleground. Many of the buildings were leveled by the constant fighting. It is now abandoned, with the towers beginning to fall. It was one of the most battle-torn Metrus.FactionsThe ToaThe Toa fought the Dark hunters in the war, hoping to defend what remained of Metru Nui. They are led by Dume, who commands them and forms their battle plans. They attempt to find the source of the epidemic, In recent times, some have decided it best to stray from the Toa Code, knowing killing is the only way to defeat the zombies. Turaga Dume reluctantly agreed to cease the war, knowing the epidemic was a far more serious threat than the Dark Hunters. They then took refuge in the underground caverns.The Dark HuntersThe Dark Hunters invaded Metru Nui at a point far in the past. They fought the Toa, hoping to gain control of the island of Metru Nui. They also attempt to find the source of the epidemic, having traced it back to Ta-Metru. The Shadowed one remains in Odina, cut off from his troops, and appointed Lariska in charge of the war effort. Lariska proposed a ceasefire to deal with the epidemic, and it was agreed upon, so the fighting has stopped. Like the Toa, they took refuge in the caverns.The ZombiesThe zombies prowl Metru Nui, midlessly stalking their victims. They are most prevalent in Ta-Metru and Onu-Metru, though some wander elswhere, The epedimic is caused by a virus that seemingly comes from Ta-Metru, and no cure has been found. The zombies are entirely gray in color, and their skin is drastically hardened, rendering them invulnerable to most attacks. They are composed of mostly matoran and Dark Hunters, though there are some Toa as well. Both the Dark Hunters and the Toa attempt to contain them, but to little avail, as they continue spreading. It is unknown how it was created, but it is known to come from Ta-Metru. The virus is extremely resilient, and works by entering the victims brain, altering their structure and removing consciousness. The virus takes effect very quickly, anywhere from fifteen miutes to one hour after exposure. They have also begun to spread into the caverns, being nearly as dangerous there as on the surface, though in a way more dangerous, as though there are not as many, it is not easy to see them approaching due to the darkness, and the rate of infected has began to increase here.GameplayYou may choose to play as either a Toa or Matoran, a Dark Hunter, or a zombie. During the game, you have the choice to attempt to fight the zombies, attempt to find the source of the epidemic, search for the rumoured ancient secret, or simply try to survive. There is no known cure to the epidemic, and the zombies are nearly impossible to kill. The Dark Hunters' numbers have been decreasing faster than the Toa, due to the fact that they have no elemental powers, making them more vulnerable to zombies. However, Matoran are equally vulnerable, and are infected far more often that others, meaing that few Matoran remain.Rules1. IC and OOC posts required. No OOC only posts.2. Obey all general BZPower and RPG forum rules.3. No god-modding. Do not play in a way that would be considered overpowered. No Nova blasts. Do not control other PCs without permission.4. Character profiles must be posted in the discussion topic for approval. No overpowered characters, If your character can destroy a whole island on their own, they're probably overpowered. If one of your characters die, you may replace it. Reincarnation is strictly outlawed.5. Custom species are allowed, but they must be kept reasonable. No species or elements are explicity disallowed, however, not all will be approved6. There is a five character limit.

Character creation

To create a character, fill out the form below and post it in the discussion topic. You are only permitted to create on zombie character, however, existing characters may become zombies. You may not intentionally cause your character to become a zombie, as that can only happen if It is deemed neccesary by the GameMaster. There is a limit of five characters.

Name:

Gender and species:

Alignment/faction:

Appearence:

Powers and abilities:

Personality and traits:

Bio:

Weaknesses:

Consequences

First Offense: You recieve a PM, warning you not to repeat the offending actionSecond Offense: One of your characters is brutally slaughtered. You may now replace it.

Third offense: One of your characters dies, and you will not be able to replace it.Fourth Offense: All of your characters are slaughtered, and you are banned from the RPG for a week. Upon return, you may make one new character.Fifth offense: You are permanently banned from the RPG.

Edited September 1, 2012 by Toa of Smooth Jazz

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

New Hook: I already stated what I thought you should add on, but you just went with the slightly better version I had. Alright, whatever, but it still doesn't provide much of a 'hook' in its present condition.New Overview: I don't see anything different, other than saying the war is over (good), the Coliseum is still partially intact (what could possibly damage it that bad, a nuclear warhead?) and that you can be one of those from another island. Who are... docked off shore? Why would they dock there? The Great Barrier isn't too far off. Just get a stone Toa over there and build a small area of land jutting out, and set up base there. You wouldn't want your base camp with supplies on the island.

only way off the island is one on if it came, but most are at capacity, unable to carry any more beings.

Man door hand hook car door what? One on if it came.New Locations: Why can't the coliseum work as a fortress? It's large enough to hold the entire population of the city, so even if only a third of it remains you could form a makeshift base in it. I don't see much of a change to these, other than the addition of the Coliseum as an area. Of course, I didn't really specify any major problems.New Factions: What.

It may be spread by being toched by the infected, and symptoms take several days to manifest, so those who look harmless may still be infected.

The virus takes effect very quickly, anywhere from fifteen miutes to one hour after exposure.

What.I still fail to see any biological way for the virus to work the way it does. In the event of a walking corpse with no memories, the result would be mostly useless. They would have no memories of things, and wouldn't know what would or would not hurt them, and could be easily led into traps. There's no way they could move fast, since their tissue would be rotting and their nervous system damaged. I still don't get the hardened skin here. I still don't understand skin.I also don't get why you're telling us how the virus began. That takes away half the possible plot right there.Though at least the two leaders of the groups gained some sanity.New Gameplay: So we can play zombies. Okay, unlike Grochi, I don't see the fun in a character without character (even a robot at least can be played as a robot, but a zombie is just a moving corpse).New Rules: Rules, shmools.(NEW!) Character Creation: Do you need Alignment and Personality?~~~Overall, I still think it could be a lot better, but I've already said all that I wanted. So make any other adjustments, and good luck in the upcoming contest.-Toa Levacius Zehvor

[Wyrd Bid Ful Araed]

I don't really get what you're trying to go for with these zombies. Are we supposed to have the claustrophobic, isolated feel of Dawn of the Dead? Thats a little tricky when we have a whole city and can easily traverse it with a Kakama or Kadin. Is it supposed to be hacky-slashy cathartic fun like any zombie video game ever? Then why the hardened skin to make the zombies tough? Is it supposed to be a depressing look at a world gone to ruin a la 28 Days Later? That doesn't work because we know the rest of the MU is there waiting, ferry off survivors and bringing in supplies. The RPG just goes "Look! Zombies!" which isn't much of a draw as there's usually several zombie RPGs entering the contest even if you ignore their over-saturation in the media as a whole

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

Here's something I was thinking about in a future RPG, or possibly modifying into one, or whatever, and I wanted to collect some thoughts.Has a TBRPG on here ever featured any kind of morality system? Like, for example, if a persons characters are frequently going around and helping other characters out, they move on a sort of 'sliding scale' to the 'good' side of things, and if they're always going after them and basically just being ##### to everyone, they move closer to the 'evil' side of things?One of the things I was planning up for well into the future would be a more 'good vs. evil' set up with a good deal more focus on the main story of the RPG, and less so on the exploration and the world - and the characters net actions, big and small, being a much larger influence on the world at large than just. another character - and with a lot more focus on how, over time, they're becoming more and more important, and moving up from a dust devil in a village to a massive tornado.My main idea for the 'chart' would be starting off dead center or halfway to good/evil; holding yourself in the center for a long enough time while still roleplaying leads to bonuses over time, and reaching the far end of either side also grants additional powers and abilities.Thoughts on all of this stuff?-Toa Levacius Zehvor

[Lara White]

I like it, but you'd need to do it well (IE make it more complex than "rear end in a top hat = evil, saint = good"), and you'd need to track it for every player, and some reason to actually care about the morality meter.

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

I was thinking that I would allow players to access their inner light or inner darkness the further along the chart they go in addition to their normal elemental abilities, and at the very highest levels, crossing over somewhat. So the most heroic, noble characters attain abilities over light, while their enemies, the most repulsive and vile of the group, gain opposing powers of darkness.Going along with the idea that it's harder to do good than to give in and do bad, but in the end it's still good that triumphs (those kind of ideals would be a strong point), characters would find it easier to go down the dark path to reach full power, but much harder to go back; in converse, characters would be more challenged reaching the apex of light, but would easily be drawn back down. However, just going off of the powers given in canon, a fully powered character with light would have more abilities at their disposal than the opposing shadow user. The use of the power would, of course, be down to the player.So light ends with basic light powers, color changing, hologram creation, light projections, and all of that. Shadow ends with shadow powers and the ability to travel through areas of shadow. Both would be able to, the way Shadow Stealer does with darkness, gain power from sources of their element physically, giving them a distinct advantage based on the time of day or the environment. All in all, though, light has a more diverse skill set that takes longer to fully achieve.If you stay in the 'grey' you gain powers over a much longer period of time than either, and have to work a lot harder to keep in between. The payoff is also much lower. But it's still a slight one. After all, being neutral has other advantages - not having to worry about your actions, but not having others fearing you for them.So anyways, that's the reward for morality or its lacking.As far as determining what's good and what's bad, logic can dictate that. Murdering people for no reason, not good. Carrying them on a fire, that is good. Motivation and stuff have an effect, too. However, there would be an option for characters doing good, but for their own interests, to start developing small amounts of 'good' within and, over time, being redeemed. Even for the bad guys! Of course, redemption does usually mean one other thing...-Toa Levacius Zehvor

[Visaru]

That sounds cool, but it would be really easy for someone to create a super-evil character or a Mary Sue type good guy that quickly moved to either end of the morality scale. Maybe the scale would only change if the character was well roleplayed or something, otherwise it would be pretty easy to tap into these other powers.And I can't even imagine trying to keep track of every single character's morality..

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

That sounds cool, but it would be really easy for someone to create a super-evil character or a Mary Sue type good guy that quickly moved to either end of the morality scale. Maybe the scale would only change if the character was well roleplayed or something, otherwise it would be pretty easy to tap into these other powers.And I can't even imagine trying to keep track of every single character's morality..

Microsoft Excel. New character, jot their name on down. Start them off at the initial point - let's say, for now, -25, 0, or 25 (you might plan on starting at -25 for a character you want to make a good guy, too - see above; or, of course, vice versa). Read the RPG posts and put it. Just have a time at the end of the day where things are noted. I can't write fast, but I've got a 60 wpm typing speed and can read at the speed of thought. I love charts, anyways.On the 'Good' Side - We all pursue/destroy characters who are Suetastic, so they're not going to get that far anyways. As far as roleplaying goes, anybody who's constantly doing . And there would be caps on just random acts of kindness in IC - your character isn't the Messiah. The way I see it, most of the actions you're doing (bar fight, save a beggar from a mugger) are the random things in between that your character does while not with others that gives them their current rating. Only things that directly involve other characters, important NPCs, have major consequences, or are brought up by me (building gets set on fire, NPC is seen running from it) would influence the chart.On the 'Bad' Side - As above. Also, yeah, there's going to be those ultimate evils. But the things is, if your'e on the fast track to evil, you're going for big evils in a short time. People will know you, and know you as bad. They'll shun you. Bounties will be put up, and heroes will be after you in a flash. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and any bad guy who isn't smart enough to get away with their actions will die. If you try to destroy a village, you'll have people out for your blood, hounding you down. Since this whole chart was brought up in my head after a KotOR2 playthrough, I can use this example - Darth Revan leads armies against the Republic. But that was after having a sizeable force of numerous Dark Jedi. Meanwhile, we all know (if not - terrible!) that The Emperor worked from behind the scenes and pulled strings to get to his position. One was a general and a combatant, the other was manipulative. If you wish to reach ultimate evil, you need to go at it slowly, or have the smarts and charisma for the big time.Though one thing I'll take out of this - yes, the characters' being roleplayed well or not would be a factor. People who go for longer, well written posts (not necessarily more frequent), or at least ones that better develop the character, would be awarded with more of a boost.-Toa Levacius Zehvor

[Havelock Vetinari]

I've always held that powers and such as are neither good or evil, but rather how they are used that falls under that distinction. That said, it seems like a interesting idea.

[25K Now!]

Interesting idea. So, if you donate to charity you get more light powers, and if you blow up an orphanage you get more shadow powers?

[Lara White]

KOTOR 2 for the win!Anyway, you'd also need everyone in the area to have the same likes and dislikes--otherwise you end up with a reputation meter, where one faction loves you and the other hates you, instead of a morality meter.

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

Interesting idea. So, if you donate to charity you get more light powers, and if you blow up an orphanage you get more shadow powers?

Every little bit helps - every action will come around to you, no matter how small, but, of course, the smaller ones will be of less influence. Donating some money to charity is a small thing. The percent you're giving, how much of an impact it would have on you (self-sacrifice), and the like modify it. So does making it public - if you're just anonymously doing good deeds, that's one thing. Making a spectacle is another. If you blow up an orphanage, though, you are doing something pretty terrible that will make people revile you... if they find out.So yes, sort of. To put it bluntly.

I've always held that powers and such as are neither good or evil, but rather how they are used that falls under that distinction. That said, it seems like a interesting idea.

Thanks, to the last sentence.For before that - whether or not that applies to most RPGs, or all stories, isn't really as important in this one. It's good and evil, and those who are exemplars of light or the heralds of dark are granted boons by the respective forces. Of course there are case by case examples, and many of those on both sides aren't quite certain - you have heroes and villains alike who are unsure of themselves and question their actions. But overall, I was thinking to have it as an overall black vs. white morality case as the main story, good and evil. Everything in between is up to the individual players to decide for their characters. I had you in mind when I added the grey in BTW.

KOTOR 2 for the win!Anyway, you'd also need everyone in the area to have the same likes and dislikes--otherwise you end up with a reputation meter, where one faction loves you and the other hates you, instead of a morality meter.

Indeed. Very much indeed.Eh. I'm not much for a reputation meter type idea in the least. So I definitely won't have one. And I'm probably going to have an overall central government (to add just a small amount of greyness to the real world, it would probably be YMMV/quote] with it being a bad or good one. That means no worrying about that kind of stuff. But a very, very large government, over a large area. Big kingdom. Or republic. Or something, at the very least. Not an anarchy, and probably not a dictatorship.I considered 'start off as amnesiacs, explore your world', but that would require more work than I would personally like to deal with. Thus, it'll be a pre-mapped and fully explored area with no 'dungeons' that players can interact with. What you do with it is what's important.In short, though, advice taken. I need to make shorter posts.-Toa Levacius Zehvor

[The Swimming Beard]

Adapted to fit the contest theme:

ApocalypseOverviewThe year is 2000 BGC. The once thriving city of Metru Nui has been reduced to little more than rubble in places, due to the long war that has been going on. The archives are the only safe place in the city, and the only place survivors of the epidemic live. However, they could hardly be considered safe. Every day, more and more succumb to the epidemic, which has found its way into the archives. It affects those from both sides, turning them into zombies, causing their consciousness to be removed, leaving only an empty body, wandering the streets, or more recently, the archives. Almost all Matoran have succumbed to the epidemic, and many Dark Hunters as well. It may be spread by physical contact by the infected, though it will not always spread in this way. Dume has narrowly escaped death, and agreed to cease the war against Dark Hunters, at least until the epidemic has been dealt with. The Shadowed One is cut off from the Dark Hunters, not daring to venture to Metru Nui. The Onu-Matoran and Toa have been forced to expand the archives deep underground, a task that had been underway for many years, even before the war. When the epidemic took hold, they took refuge there, as there was an enormous emount of space under the city. However, hundreds of zombies have spread here, spreading the epidemic as they come. There are rumours of an ancient secret in the archives, which has the power neccesary to defeat the zombies, but no evidence has yet been found, partially due to the archives' immense size and complexity. Also as a result of the complecity of the caverns, there may be zombies lurking around every corner and in every shadow, waiting to strike their unexpecting victims.LocationsThe ArchivesDuring the war, Onu-Metru was rarely fought in. Even before the war, the Onu-Matoran and Toa had began work to expand the archives to nearly twice their original size, for use if Metru Nui one day became uninhabitable. When the epidemic broke out, these caverns had recently been finished, and the Toa, Matoran, and Dark Hunters take refuge in the lower levels, few daring to venture higher. The few that do go outside never return, being either killed or infected. However, many zombies have spread down here, making it nearly as dangerous as the surface. In the upper levels, the zombies are so prevalent that it is unsafe to be there, and the fifth level down is th highest safe level. The archives are immensly large and complex, providing hiding places from the zombies, though it works both ways, as it also provides cover for the zombies. Large stocks of supplies and rations were saved in the archives before the war, in preparation for a crisis such as the epidemic. After taking shelter down here, however, a party was sent to the surface, and the only tunnel to the surface collapsed, leaving no escape, and hundreds of zombies had made it underground at the time.FactionsThe ToaThe Toa fought the Dark hunters in the war, hoping to defend what remained of Metru Nui. They are led by Dume, who commands them and forms their battle plans. They attempt to find the source of the epidemic, In recent times, some have decided it best to stray from the Toa Code, knowing killing is the only way to defeat the zombies. Turaga Dume reluctantly agreed to cease the war, knowing the epidemic was a far more serious threat than the Dark Hunters. They then took refuge in the expanded archives.The Dark HuntersThe Dark Hunters invaded Metru Nui at a point far in the past. They fought the Toa, hoping to gain control of the island of Metru Nui. They also attempt to find the source of the epidemic, having traced it back to Ta-Metru. The Shadowed one remains in Odina, cut off from his troops, and appointed Lariska in charge of the war effort. Lariska proposed a ceasefire to deal with the epidemic, and it was agreed upon, so the fighting has stopped. Like the Toa, they took refuge in the archives.The Zombies

The zombies prowl Metru Nui, midlessly stalking their victims. The zombies are entirely gray in color, and their skin is drastically hardened, rendering them invulnerable to most attacks. They are composed of mostly matoran and Dark Hunters, though there are some Toa as well. Both the Dark Hunters and the Toa attempt to contain them, but to little avail, as they continue spreading. The virus is extremely resilient, and works by entering the victims brain, altering their structure and removing consciousness. The virus takes effect very quickly, anywhere from fifteen miutes to one hour after exposure. They have also begun to spread into the archives, being even more dangerous there as on the surface The rate of infected has risen into the hundreds here.GameplayYou may choose to play as either a Toa or Matoran, a Dark Hunter, or a zombie. During the game, you have the choice to attempt to fight the zombies, attempt to find the source of the epidemic, search for the rumoured ancient secret, or simply try to survive. There is no known cure to the epidemic, and the zombies are nearly impossible to kill. The Dark Hunters' numbers have been decreasing faster than the Toa, due to the fact that they have no elemental powers, making them more vulnerable to zombies. However, Matoran are equally vulnerable, and are infected far more often that others, meaing that few Matoran remain.Rules1. IC and OOC posts required. No OOC only posts.2. Obey all general BZPower and RPG forum rules.3. No god-modding. Do not play in a way that would be considered overpowered. No Nova blasts. Do not control other PCs without permission.4. Character profiles must be posted in the discussion topic for approval. No overpowered characters, If your character can destroy a whole island on their own, they're probably overpowered. If one of your characters die, you may replace it. Reincarnation is strictly outlawed.5. Custom species are allowed, but they must be kept reasonable. No species or elements are explicity disallowed, however, not all will be approved6. There is a five character limit.

7. You may not exit the Archives

Character creation

To create a character, fill out the form below and post it in the discussion topic. You are only permitted to create on zombie character, however, existing characters may become zombies. You may not intentionally cause your character to become a zombie, as that can only happen if It is deemed neccesary by the GameMaster. There is a limit of five characters.

Name:

Gender and species:

Alignment/faction:

Appearence:

Powers and abilities:

Personality and traits:

Bio:

Weakness(es):

ConsequencesFirst Offense: You recieve a PM, warning you not to repeat the offending actionSecond Offense: One of your characters is brutally slaughtered. You may now replace it.Third offense: One of your characters dies, and you will not be able to replace it.Fourth Offense: All of your characters are slaughtered, and you are banned from the RPG for a week. Upon return, you may make one new character.Fifth offense: You are permanently banned from the RPG.

Edited September 4, 2012 by Toa of Smooth Jazz

[Toa Levacius Zehvor]

The Contest rules say that players must stay under the ground and cannot go back out of the underground. You give us A~) descriptions of the surface world and B~) nothing restricting us from going to it save the threat of zombies. Who can't fly. Or anything else to catch us if we can.Why do they need to expand the Archive tunnels? They fit a freaking Tahtorahk down there, and the Kanohi Dragon was able to slither its way through as well. They already had those giant tunnels that Mavrah and the like used, and they were able to fit massive Rahi of hundreds of feet in length. The danger inherent to the Archives is the free-roaming Rahi - size of the tunnels is not an issue.It doesn't look like you adapted Apocalypse to fit the theme; it looks like you put together a few last minute sentences so it did so.You might want to scrap together an Archives map, since the surface map is useless to us now.-Toa Levacius Zehvor

Edited September 1, 2012 by Toa Levacius Zehvor

[The Lorax]

We were both thrown off our feet as a violent earthquake struck Destral. Masonry cracked, ceilings collapsed, and it was all I could to do to shapeshift a pair of claws to dig into the stone floor and hold on. The shaking lasted perhaps a few seconds, or perhaps forever, depending on your viewpoint.When it was over, I struggled to my feet. The fortress of Destral was in ruins. Some of our prisoners were dead, some wounded. At least one of my fellow Makuta had seen his armor damaged to the point where his energy was floating freely in the air (fortunately, we were able to get him into an Exo-Toa body until his armor could be repaired). Most beings would have reacted to this event with despair, even panic, and I have no doubt many of those mewling Matoran out in the larger universe were doing just that.But not Chirox and I, for we knew what the tremors meant. They were a sign that the Plan had worked – Mata Nui had fallen before the Brotherhood’s attack! Now, if all went right, Teridax would seize complete control of the city of Metru Nui and we would be close to the power we all longed for. - The Mutran Chronicles, Chapter 9I’ve always wondered why the Great Cataclysm wasn’t a bigger event in the history of the MU. Sure, it was big, but for an event that shut down the Great Spirit, started a massive war and caused widespread devastation, I’m surprised it didn’t have a greater impact in some ways.Like, what was the Order of Mata Nui doing? As far as we know, they were just sitting on their hands letting the war go on while they waited for the Toa Mata to arrive and re-awaken Mata Nui. The toa were 1000 years late, so I’m surprised they weren’t more pro-active when the being they were meant to serve almost died. I would think that some of the powers in the universe would have tried to do something against the Makuta's plan once they struck down the Great Spirit. This RPG would take place in a universe where someone got fed up with waiting.At this stage, it's no more than an idea and a very rough introduction, but here goes.Artakha, hear me.It was a telepathic message projected over an unimaginable distance. Yet the answer came within seconds.I am here, Tren Krom.Months have passed since the Great Cataclysm rocked the universe. The Dark Hunters have declared war on the Brotherhood of Makuta, and the two powerful organisations are snapping at each others’ throats all over the known universe.Worse, there is no sign of the Toa Mata from Metru Nui. The failsafe that was meant to restore the universe in the event of such a catastrophe seems to have failed itself. There have long been tensions between the powers of the universe, and now they are stretched to breaking point. But what will happen when they snap?It has been long since we last spoke, Artakha.Do not waste my time with idle chatter, Tren Krom. I am needed to answer the threat of the Makuta.Very well, since you are so pressed, I will be brief. The universe is shuddering around me. I feel the Great Spirit falling into darkness. This must not be allowed. We both know of the ones who were supposed to prevent this. What are they doing? Why is Mata Nui’s fall not averted? You know these things. Tell me, that I might aid you.Aid? You do not seek to aid, you seek release. Speak openly now. Yet your concern is mine also. These events have been dark. You shall have what you asked for.A flood of knowledge entered Tren Krom’s mind, showing him all Artakha knew of the Great Cataclysm and the events following it: Metru Nui’s destruction, the Great Spirit’s fall and the chaos sewn over the universe both by the earthquakes and by the first battles between the Brotherhood of Makuta and the Dark Hunters. He saw no immediate end to the anarchy, as the Toa Mata, the beings that were supposed to be released against such an event, were mysteriously absent.You have no idea where they are? he asked.None. Artakha confirmed. They left Karda Nui as planned, but they disappeared from there, and have not re-entered the universe as planned.They are not needed Tren Krom asserted. If I were free, I could perform their task, since they cannot. Only give me the right body, and you need not suffer these Makuta and their dangerous schemes. I could reawaken the Great Spirit and halt this war, or you could wait for the toa. Wait for a thousand years or more while this universe that you and I helped to create falls to ruin, and see if your toa turn up. That is the risk you are taking.There may be one Artakha pondered. One who might be willing to enter your captivity in order to thwart the Brotherhood. In fact, he is already imprisoned himself. Such a change might benefit him, even. With the power of his body, you could do as you say.Sending me from one prison to another is hardly helpful Tren Krom complained. You must also arrange to break me out. I must be free to awaken the Great Spirit.It will be done Artakha assured him. You have convinced me. You shall have your freedom for a time, but do not think it will be permanent. With those words, the connection between them broke.I’m running out of time, so I’ll briefly summarise the rest. The being Artakha suggested for Tren Krom to swap bodies with was Makuta Miserix. Since both are powerful telepaths, the distance between them shouldn’t be an obstacle to body-swapping. From there, Artakha pulls some strings with the old members of his Hand, and the Order of Mata Nui sends a (player) team to Artidax to free TrenKrom!Miserix, so that he can travel to Metru/Karda Nui and reboot the Great Spirit Robot.The BoM gets wind of the plan, and also send (player) groups south in the attempt to keep Miserix firmly imprisoned, so that Teridax’s Plan can go forward as planned. Even the DHs get in on the party, because whoever controls Miserix’s freedom controls the universe. Basically the three most powerful factions in the universe launch the Destiny War a thousand years early while three Federations of Fear (one from each) race to Artidax.Some of the RPG would take place on the surface, but I think this satisfies the Subterranean Homesick Blues theme. Both Tren Krom’s and Miserix’s bodies are trapped underground, and players will try to break them out or keep them imprisoned. Both beings are unhappy about being underground (blues) and yearn for freedom on the surface (Miserix for ruling his Brotherhood and TK for the times when he could actually do stuff, and could travel through the entore universe (homesick)). Also, the major plot events would take place underground on Artidax, the place where players can make sure the prisoner stays free/trapped.I’m thinking that players would have the opportunity to play as canon OoMN agents or DH’s, just for added fun, as well as being able to design their own characters (of course).