Mel

I just noticed this when I was reading over Tolkien's review. I believe this is a dangling participle, but if it isn't the sentence still sounds awkward. It's as if her visibility found herself standing in the room. Also, you should use "vision" instead of "visibility"; visibility implies that Verolais is the one becoming more visible. I would modify it so it looked something like this. or I'm very sorry for excessive nitpicking, but you know what they say about details. =P

First of all let me say that I really appreciate the in-depth review. You called attention to many of the parts I had been subconsciously considering, but never had any idea how to change. You really made me think about them more carefully.And that grammar error is not my fault. The formatter ate all my punctuation and then I had to put it back in. D: While that may make sense for how he's feeling, I still feel like it should've been explained. I mean here are two characters that were best friends in Bionicle Canon...what caused them to start feeling romantically for each other? And when? I don't know, maybe just a couple sentences or something, but I feel like there should be a stronger bridge linking friends and "crushes." I mean it's easy enough to imagine, sure -- your best friend, you're really close, you like the same things, you have fun together, you start to find each other attractive, and then you start to feel only romantically toward them. And that's what I assume happened here, but I just think that it could've been explained possibly, but not exactly sure. I just felt like this sentence was "getting around" having to explain it, I guess, so I'm trying to figure out how it could seem less like that. I also think that perhaps you should've built up to their feelings earlier. It seemed like what Takanuva did was incredibly sudden, yet then later on it seems like they both had those feelings for a while, so why would it be so...surprising? And so I think the reader's reaction should follow that as well, if that makes sense. No, I get what your saying. To be honest, I was kind of nervous about taking one of the most well established platonic relationships in Bionicle and making it non-platonic. (Well, technically all the relationships are platonic in canon, but you get what I'm saying.) Of course I knew where I wanted it to go, but I was a bit at odds about how to get there, so I kind of cheated, as you pointed out. Now that you mention it, I have all these ideas about how to introduce it more gradually, so thanks. Point taken. I tend to neglect setting when I don't think it's absolutely necessary, but I'll definitely put in a little more detail into the atmosphere and try to describe the room better. And thank you, I was rather proud of that line. :3 Would you mind pointing out the specific parts where you got lost? I'm trying to experiment with using as little speech tags as possible, but obviously I'm no Hemingway. =PAgain, thanks for the review, I really appreciate it. EDIT: I made some small edits per some of your suggestions. I would like to add that part of my goal with this was too show how Takanuva's time away from Jaller had shaped their relationship. It was meant to be a sort of "absence makes the heart grow fonder" sort of thing.

Now I'm regretting not shelling out those extra 30 dollars for a 3DS. Oh vell... That deer legendary one looks like the Nightwalker from Princess Mononoke.

Our "Great" Adventure is reviewed, and I would also like to request one: Too Early by Yukiko. Have fun Velox. =P

Official SSCC Charity Review Before I get into details, let's talk basic mechanics. You're young, and I understand that you're probably just getting into the really technical aspects writing, but it's very good to understand these because they give you a step up in high school writing. I mainly want to discuss paragraph breaks. Upon first glance, a wall of text seems very intimidating and might deter readers. The best way to take care of this problem is to break it up into individual thoughts through the use of paragraph breaks. Here is a list of suggested paragraph breaks: After "lively young men" and again after "horrors beyond imagining."After "I could ever conjure up," thought the transition itself is a bit awkward.After "to gain it back today."After "'all is well on our front.'" Now on to more content-based critique. One of the first things I noticed was that the narrator has time to stroll leisurely over the battlefield. I am assuming that this is World War I, based on the use of mustard gas and Germans. Trench warfare, in my knowledge, does not allow for such leisurely strolls out onto battlefields, because that it typically asking to get shot. Secondly, captain in most armies is a fairly low rank and I would be surprised if he wasn't in the trench with the narrator. Whoever was asking him this message was likewise stuck in the trenches and probably knows what it feels like to be in the middle of the battle. I see what you're trying to do here. War is a terrible, terrible thing, but the fact is that people talk about that all the time. I found it hard to really get into this story when the details were so vague. War tends to reduce people to lists of casualties, and I fear that is what happened in this story. I can't really grasp the horror of the main character's situation if they don't feel like a real person to me. What was his friend's name? Where did he come from? Does he have family back home, or perhaps a sweetheart? What does he sound like when he talks? Secondly, I felt you limited yourself by restricting yourself to the visual medium. The scene presented in this narrative is should be felt across all senses, especially smell. Photographs can only portray so much, and that's where prose can fill in the gaps. Lastly, historical fiction pieces really require that you do some research, even if it's just of the skimming variety. As I pointed out before, these can determine the details of the story, and details are what give a story life and flavor (though of course, too many of them can be cloying). I hope all my critique hasn't discouraged you and you will take this as an opportunity to improve your writing. Keep going, as always. ^^

The Cybernaut is reviewed.

Official Short Stories Critics' Club Charity Review I'm just going to plunge into you story and point out a few things that stood out to me, and then discuss the writing as a whole. Let's get started, shall we? This sentence feels very awkward for some reason. I find it hard to visualize what position the guard is actually in. And do they only have one kind of weapon? I know that they're supposed to be incompetent mooks and all that, but they should at least have a backup. Like pepper spray or something. This line isn't necessary. His response shows his lack of amusement. In the same vein, this could do without the speech tag; he's obviously demanding something. Overall, I felt like you wrote this somewhat like a comic book. Now, I have nothing against comic books (I'm currently reading and loving Sandman), but stories demand a slightly different presentation. In prose work, you don't have the help of the artist to portray the atmosphere and appearance; you have to do it yourself. For this reason, I felt some parts of the story felt rather formulaic, and it was hard to feel any suspense because I didn't really feel for Soran (and it didn't help that he was curb-stomping his opponents either). Fight scenes in particular are vulnerable to becoming laundry lists of actions if they have no atmosphere injected into them. For instance, when he barely escapes the protection software, we get no rushing sense of relief, no thankfulness, just a vague thought about stealth software. Even the most hardened of fighters are going to feel grateful for not dieing. I would have also found it helpful if you cemented your point of view more. I think you're trying to portray third person limited, but if you are you should make sure that Soran's view of the world colors the prose. This would contribute immensely to the potential for readers' emotional involvement. I do congratulate you on making this story stand well on its own and not putting in too much unnecessary detail. This is hard to do with short pieces that are obviously part of a continuing series.If you have any questions about this review, feel free to ask. As always, keep writing.^^

Anhedonia has been reviewed. It's good to be back.

Official SSCC Review Forgive me for not going into detail; JV has already pointed out a lot of the issues I had. Feel free to ask if you would like me to expound on anything. In general, I feel that this story suffers from the same flaws that a lot of flash fiction does: the author thinks they need to tell the reader everything. This leads to a whole lot of description and little else, but the problem is that you can't possibly explain everything in such a short amount of time. This is not a novel, where you have room to outline an entire universe and cast of characters. It's an image, a sketch. Trying to tell your reader everything (and this applies to other types of fiction as well) will only bog down your writing with unnecessary context. You'll be surprised how much you can suggest without telling your reader. Dialogue is always your friend, and this story has none of it. I would go through the list of facts about this story and cross out anything that isn't absolutely necessary to understand the main characters situation right now. Furthermore, I would start with the diagnosis. This is a hook for your reader; they don't know what it means or the context. Then, you can explain the character's situation, but be careful not to rely too much on telling your reader what is happening. Leave that sense of mystery, of incompleteness. Dystopian stories like this one have the most impact when they have a somewhat hollow ring to them. Good luck in your future endeavors!

You can search for specific posts in any thread. Alternatively, Ctrl-F is your friend. --- So true. I don't know what I did before I found that little button. The blogs have been around since far before the downtime, and as someone who has frequented that section of this site nearly since its inception, I can say with 100% certainty that it hasn't taken away discussion. It's essentially an extension of COT, which has been one of the most popular subforums even before BIONICLE was canceled. The decrease in activity was due to the cancelation of BIONICLE and the long downtime that ensued. You seem to be implying that there's only so much discussion to go around, when in reality many of the participators in the recent blog drama are folks that are already active. Sexism, homophobia, racism, or any sort of prejudice whatsoever is inappropriate everywhere. We cannot move on into the future as a species without eliminating them. Isn't it a service to tear morally wrong points of view down, rather than let them slide as if they are appropriate? ----- Just want to but in here, though I completely agree with your views, to say they are universal is somewhat of a debatable point. I think the real goal of this forum should be to promote equality, not tear down prejudice, if that makes any sense. Insults, of course, are always inappropriate. But the problem comes when every word with the slightest negative connotation is filtered. As a writer, this kind of irks me. I think a better policy would be to filter insulting posts themselves instead of words. Also: I use Pages to compose large posts/stories on this forum, and the formatting has this unfortunate habit of eating all my punctuation. I don't know if people who use word have this problem as well.

I've got reservations/about so many things/but not about you-Wilco, Reservations ~Author's Note~ I seriously don't know what this is. I planned it as a fluffy break to my depressing Those Who Burn series. Then it happened, and ended up forcing me to stay up till two in the morning to finish it. It couldn't decide which tense it was in either, and generally caused a lot of stress that it was supposed to mediate. And it isn't even fluff. It's like fluffy angst. Angty fluff? Flangst? I have no idea, you tell me. As always, comments, criticism, and stuffed animals are appreciated. Too Early by Yukiko Takanuva paused and conjured a small ball of light, illuminating the stone stairs above him. He tread softly, even though he knew there was no reason to be quiet. Or perhaps there was. He tried not to think about it. Jaller sat on a stone stool, which along with the table he was leaning on, appeared to be carved from the same huge stone as the round room Takanuva now stood in. A small lightstone hanging from the ceiling provided the only other light in the room. There was hardly enough to see by, let alone read whatever maps Jaller was currently perusing. Takanuva was about to clear his throat when the toa of fire turned to look directly at him. Jaller flinched momentarily at the sudden light, then met Takanuva's gaze. "Takanuva...could you put that out? Its dangerous; we don't want to attract attention." "It's dark, you know I can't see as well as you." "Well, try going outside.""Isn't that dangerous too?" "Not...look. Takanuva, I don't have time for this. Why do you need to consult me?" Consult...Takanuva sighed and put out the light, casting his gaze towards the far side of the room. The light behind him went out, and for a moment he was sure that he was going to trip. Then he felt Jaller's hand on his elbow, guiding him. He didn't look up to meet his friend's eyes. This helpless feeling made him uneasy, more so because he knew that a few days ago he wouldn't have been helpless. A few days ago he would have been able to feel every shadow like it was an extension of his own body. Something, moss maybe, brushed past his face and then he was outside, under a cold sky filled with stars. Ga-metru lay spread out before him, its still pools of water reflecting the sky. "So what is it?"Jaller leaned on the edge of the small stone balcony, looking out over the city. Takanuva studied his friend's face. With the golden hau he wore now, he looked much the same as he had when Takanuva had last truly spoken to him. He remembered the look on Jaller's face as they pressed their hands together, not quite touching because of the invisible barrier. The way his eyes screamed Go, and something else, something that Takanuva regrets not saying as well. There were different barriers between them now, and Takanuva's old regrets had turned into something sharper, more urgent. He had no idea where to begin. Jaller's eyes glowed brightly, too bright for any normal toa. They were the only thing obviously different in his face. Takanuva wondered if he could absorb that light. He wanted to take in all of Jaller's pain and memorize the toa of fire in front of him, so familiar and yet so changed. But there was not enough time for that. Jaller turned to face him. His earlier annoyance seemed to have faded, replaced with something softer. He looked almost–Sorry."I heard about what happened to you in Karda Nui. "Exactly."Who told you—wait no let me guess: Gali?" Jaller winced. "Nokama actually, but you're half-right. Gali told her. She was worried." "About me? Why did she come to you? Isn't Tahu my leader?" Takanuva regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, but instead of snapping at him the toa of fire just sighed and scratched his head."Well, I have this strange feeling I've known you before..." Takanuva punched him in the arm. It hurt more than he expected and he found himself shaking his hand out and wincing at the pain. Jaller tried and failed to keep a straight face. "Besides," he said, his smirk vanishing, "you are here, so she must have been partly right. This is about that, isn't it?" "Sort of." Takanuva stole a glance at the city below them. He couldn't see much, but he could swear that there was something moving in the streets below. "Don't think about it," Jaller said. "That's how he gets to you. You shouldn't let your imagination run away with you." "But the Makuta controls—" "Sight isn't the only sense. Close your eyes for a moment." "What?" Takanuva asked, confused. "Just do it. Close your eyes and listen." Takanuva obeyed. The first thing he noticed was his own breathing. Then he picked up Jaller's, slower and more measured. Beyond that there was—Nothing. No sound of some creature of the night, but also nothing else. No chirping of small insect rahi, no humming of machinery. Ga-metru had always been a quiet place, a place of reflection, but there was something oppressive and hard about this silence. He thought he could pick up the sound of water running somewhere, but even it seemed muffled, as if it was trying to avoid making too much noise. "It's too quiet," he said, opening his eyes and looking into Jaller's. The toa of fire nodded. "Rahkshi are loud...really loud. We'd hear one if it was coming. But when they don't...I miss the noise sometimes. I never really noticed all the little sounds before, and in that way—I wouldn't say I'm grateful for the darkness, but I understand it more now. It isn't all evil, you know, the night. Sometimes it helps you notice things you never did before." A few years ago, Takanuva would have immediately opened his mouth and teased Jaller about sounding like a turaga. Jaller would always have these sorts of lessons directed at him, though before they had been of the "don't pick up anything you see on the ground" variety. Now he could only stare back at his old friend. He could only feel helplessly grateful. He supposed that was why he kissed Jaller. The next few seconds, he didn't really register anything beside Jaller's hands around his waist and the feeling of his lips and that he was kissing back. Then, Takanuva returned to reality and the other toa's hands were pushing him gently but firmly away. "Takua...I don't—"Jaller looked into his eyes, searching for something. "What was that exactly?" "A question? I don't know, I—"He didn't know. The way Jaller had looked at him had been different and he had just acted, because he knew there was was a chance that he would never—Oh right."I'm leaving," he said. "Tomorrow. Somewhere the South, I can't...""Tell me? So you just thought you would come up here and kiss me goodbye and—"The toa of fire hid his face in his hands, rubbing his tired eyes."Its been a long time, Takanuva. We[/font]'ve both changed.""Takua.""What?""You can call me Takua. It's not like we've changed that much. You still worry like a mother ash-bear." "And you still have the caution of fledgling gukko."They lock eyes for a moment, and then they were laughing, breaking the silence of the night, and it didn't matter that they were probably attracting far too much attention. He had missed this. Missed Jaller; missed the days when he was still Takua and danger was an adventure.When the stitch in his side loosened, and he looked at Jaller again, his friend was smiling, truly smiling, not the sad little upturns of the mouth that Takanuva had seen until now. Takanuva wanted desperately to kiss him again.Then the smile vanished, replaced with what Takanuva knew his own face must have looked liked before."I'm leaving too, you know."Takanuva felt the barrier between them click back into place."And you can't tell me?""I suppose it's safer that way. I mean if—"Takanuva clutched the raining. "You always, come back. Remember? You're invincible."He turned to his friend. The last words had only been half a joke."You must think very highly of me."Takanuva forced himself to keep Jallers eyes. He reminded himself that it might be all he had now. Then Jaller's hand was on top of his, and he had to force himself not to jump away in shock."But you're not. And like you said, I worry like a mother ash bear."His voice sounded unsteady, and the fact that he might never see Jaller again hit Takanuva with full force. Jaller intertwined his fingers with his, and Takanuva closed his eyes. He really wanted to scream, but the paranoia had returned. His throat ached and his eyes stung. He was almost grateful that the Order forbade him to tell anyone else about his mission, because he didn't know how he would be able to go through this again. Yet at the same time, the idea of not seeing Macku or Kopeke or any of the others made him go cold all over. They could die too, and he wouldn't even have this goodbye to give them. It was just all so unfair and Takanuva hated how much it upset him.Jaller pulled him close, and he surrendered to the pain in his eyes and throat. The tears felt hot poring down his face, and he knew that he must be shaking and babbling incoherently, but he didn't care. He could feel Jaller's hand rubbing circles on his back.Takanuva didn't know anything about love. He couldn't name the point where their friendship ended and this, whatever it was, began. Perhaps it was that moment that he left Jaller and his other friends stranded on the other side of that gate, when he turned and began to feel that persistent ache of Jaller's absence in his chest. But it didn't have a name then, and Takanuva had groped for that name ever since, as the ache continued to grow. Perhaps then, when the Order told Takanuva that he could only tell one person of his mission, he came because he needed too, because the pain had stopped being bearable.But he was done thinking. He felt drained and his wet face felt hot against the crook of Jaller's neck. He removed himself from the other toa's arms and managed a smile."So you can't tell me anything? Even where you're going."He had at least known that before.Jallers mouth twitched. "It's going to involve swimming, I know that.""What's breathing under water like?" Takanuva asked. He used to ask these sorts of questions all the time. He took Jaller's hand, but this time it didn't feel awkward or desperate. It felt natural, this connection between them."Its a bit different from having a Kaukau. It's like I have to breath the water, but I don't really think about it any more. Of course I was too busy dodging things getting thrown at me to notice it at first.""That's kind of weird.""Well, guess you don't get to be the different one all the time."Karzahni. He was done crying and this was not the time to go back there. But he did anyway."Do you know how I managed?""What?""When you died. I didn't think about it, I didn't think about being a toa. I just expected you to come back. And it worked—You came back. So I'm going to expect you all to be waiting for me and everything to be the same, even if it isn't. And you have to do the same thing for me."For a few seconds, Jaller only stared back. Then the toa of fire's face broke into a smile, and Takanuva blinked. In the old days, Jaller would never have smiled after hearing a speech like that. The toa of fire squeezed his hand."Promise. We'll be wise old Turaga together."Takanuva snorted. "You know, Vakama and Dume aren't actually older than us. They just use it as an excuse to boss us around.""Yes, but..." Jaller's smile faded. "They remember more. Besides, being a toa ages you. Look at us.""That's true, you're acting crusty already."Jaller rolled his eyes.Takanuva felt an irrational smile on his face. He should not be smiling like this, because he knew that he needed to leave now."I should go."If Jaller was surprised by the sudden change of subject, he didn't show it. He just raised his left hand, the one that wasn't holding Takanuva's into a fist. Takanuva raised his own fist and they clanked them together.Then Jaller was grasping both his hands and kissing him, and Takanuva held tight, because he knew this wasn't a question.It was a goodbye.

I'm available to do reviews again this week, though I'm not sure about the time after.

The lyrics to Breakout sound I don't know...kind of generic, to me? Like there's nothing specific to color them.

What exactly do you mean by this? If you listen to music of today, you'll hear that there's not much there in terms of notes and interaction between instruments, as well as a lack of energy. But Cryoshell seems to have more going on in those terms, at least compared to, say, contemporary rock. I'd be interested to know what music you listen to for you to come up with that generalization. I actually preferred the less processed versions of "Creeping in My Soul" and "Closer to the Truth," to the EP versions. I didn't like the filter they put on Lore's voice.

Ravens and Wolves? Why did they make the cool ones evil? T.T

I have reviewed my assignment.With that, I would like to request a month break. I have too many things on my mind right now, and I really need the time off.Have a Happy Halloween, if it's not over already, lulz.

Official Short Stories Critics Club Charity ReviewHi there! I'll be reviewing three of your short stories. Let's get started, shall we?"Old Parchment"As someone who has to write out all of her stories by hand (sadly, I do not own a typewriter), I appreciate. Treasure doesn't have to be precious jewels and I like how lots of people, including yourself, took a more metaphorical look at this. I think you could have left this paragraph out. It doesn't say anything that you don't show later, and it makes your story read more like a narrative essay. Not that there's anything wrong with narrative essays, but I assume you were trying to write a short story here. It would be much more advantageous to start your story in media res with the conversation with Grey Allen. Then you can go through the main characters experience as they come home and realize that they need to right stories again.Secondly, the title. I'm not sure "old parchment" is appropriate; parchment calls to mind something much more ancient. "Old Sheet of Paper" doesn't quite have the same ring to it, but I'm sure you can figure something out. "You'll never get away..."This is how I felt when I got caught in the internet this evening. :/ The draw of another world is powerful, and your classic take interested me. However, considering the characters situation, I did not feel like any of his/her feelings came through. He/she was far too logical for someone at the end of his/her rope. He/she sounds like a computer, not a person who is hungry and tired and exhausted and can not longer tell reality from fantasy. This brings me to the point of narrative bias. First person narrative is going to have a severe bias because that is how the character comes through. (It's pretty hard to write for that reason.) The narrator here won't think in exposition just for the readers' benefit, they are in the world right now and it is happening around them."The Camp Doctor"I see a potential in the first paragraph. We have a setting that seems rich and varied, but then all at once it becomes vague. I'm not asking you to build an entire world here, but how about some more details? Details are what make a story come alive; they feed the reader's picture of the narrative. Instead of telling us about the doctor's experience, why not show him walking among the sick, or performing a surgery? This who story has no dialogue, and as a consequence it feels like one big exposition that I don't need. I don't feel emotionally invested in it.This brings me to one of the trends I saw throughout your stories. You feel the need to explain as much as possible to the reader in what words you have. You're never going to be able to do that in Flash Fiction. Flash Fiction gives you an opportunity to give your reader a glimpse of a world. Trying to explain the entire situation will only waste words that could otherwise be used to bring life to your prose.I apologize if this may have come across as harsh. You have a variety of interesting ideas here, and your writing is solid. You just need to learn to avoid explaining everything. Keep writing, and have a Happy Halloween. ^^

Change "The" and "its" to "their." "Achromatized" should be replaced with "leeched" or "drained." Yeah, I suppose that achromatized sounded a bit too... formal, maybe? Just to clarify: my main issue wasn't that it sounded too formal (although I'm extremely wary of using thesauri), but that it wasn't appropriate. "achromatized" suggests color, but you're not talking about color in that clause ( which you already did it at the start of the sentence); you're talking about essence.Does that make sense?

I would rather them be engineers than people who just hang around lightning. It makes sense that matoran who had a resistance to electricity would end up working on that sort of system, since it likely could be very dangerous.

Snowfall has been reviewed.I will definitely need the extra week. Also, I would like to request a two week break after this assignment. This has been an incredibly stressful time for me and I need to rest.

Official SSCC ReviewHello, there! I think you really have something here. I'm not really a fan of more archaic prose, but you manage to pull it off very well. My favorite part was your dialogue; each character's spoke slightly differently and it felt natural. I would like to see more of it. Your plot was solid; I like how you focused on "boring" scenes such as planning rather than action. There's not much more you could do in the way of characterization, as this story is so short. However, I noticed one glaring prose error that significantly threw me off:I notice you like commas, and semicolons too. That is fine. I like them too. In fact, I will use both of them several times over the course of this review. However, you must think about how they serve your story and how they should be used. Semicolons separate two ideas that are connected. In this sentence/group of words the first of these ideas a thought; the second is an action. (See what I did there?) Besides, if the first clause was alone it would have a much more profound impact.I'm not sure if the second clause can be called a sentence. It's just a bunch of words separated by commas. I'm usually not in favor adding words, but in this case it is necessary to keep the sentence grammatically cohesive. Try: Or alternatively: When you edit this, you should go over every sentence. If feel exhausted after reading it, you need to reorganize it. Commas are nice, but too many of them can bog down sentence.I have one more nitpick for you. Change "The" and "its" to "their." "Achromatized" should be replaced with "leeched" or "drained."I apologized if this comes across as unduly harsh, but I really do think you have something good here. It just needs polishing. Keep writing, and watch out for rogue commas! ^^

Free verse is usually distinguishable from prose. It is considered a type of poetry, and can have rhyme and meter. It usually is not as organized as form poems, but you have to keep and mind that there really are different degrees of organization. Sonnets don't always follow their strict iambic organization either. Then you have prose poetry, which is organized in paragraphs but is written with poetic ideas in mind.It is all very subjective, so don't worry to much about what your poem is.

And The Forest is reviewed.

Official Short Stories Critics Club Charity ReviewBut you know that already, since you assigned this to me. =PI feel really hesitant to criticize this, since as you said it was written in fifteen minutes, and editing is the wonderful process that suddenly makes the world better. Having said that, my main issue with this story is that it seems to be going somewhere and then stops for the sake of exposition. I know it's a vignette, but it lacks this sense of immediacy that I associate with short pieces like this. Especially in the last paragraphs, when the character starts reminiscing for what seems to be the readers benefit. He or she has been in the forest for a very long time, and his/her realizations have been gradual. Why do the markings, which the character has been looking at every day, suddenly trigger these memories?I want the same sort of sensory experience that I received in the first part of the story. I not just "markings," but pictures, words, images and voices. Memories are a collection of all the sense. You know, the whole "show, don't tell" thing. I am pretty sure you understand it because I've seen you mention it in your criticism. It's just a matter of making it instinctual. No writer has perfected it, but that's what practice is for. ^^Now some general nitpicks. I believe this is an example of a dangling participle, where the adjectival phrase is not modifying the subject of the main clause. Or something. I don't know, all the examples I found had the modifying phrase at the front of the sentence. Anyway, it would be better split into two sentences, e.g. "The water flowed gracefully through the woods." To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about "gracefully" either, it's not a word I would associate with streams. "Inebriate" implies drunkenness, but the paragraph suggests that the water sharpens the character's senses. Try "awaken" or "permeate" if you want to go for something more neutral. By the way, I'm not familiar with forests, but isn't standing around in a cold stream at night a bad idea? How cold is it, exactly? Try "stopped caring about revenge."This is the point where I usually say "keep writing," but since that is a given for you, I will just say good night and good luck.

And For His Feet Were Sore is reviewed. Not that it's bad, but I do wonder why I got assigned the only poem in this cycle.