Mel

Designer Skyline~Owl City

Y'all need to stop hating on sharks. Sharks are awesome. It's not their fault that their misrepresented by the movie industry. I watched Deep Blue Sea with spanish dub. I hate dubs, but I have the feeling it would have been just as aweful in English. I flinched at the "romance" too, actually. I thought it was presented in a way that was supposed to suggest that it was wrong, but I can understand that you would dislike it given your personal experience and given that it has the potential to be misunderstood by people. For me, having sympathetic protaganists are less important in movies that in books. But we all have our preferences, and I will respect yours.

Yeah, I was surprised. However, I think I should leave this to the people that honestly love the trilogy. I read it once and that was it.

^Like.No, that's fine. I'm glad that you know what you love. But I wouldn't advocate a system were we're forced to choose our careers at sixteen. I would have been left at the curb. Call it selfish reasons.

When I was sixteen, I didn't know exactly what I was doing. Sure I had a vague idea of what I liked, but I didn't know exactly what direction my life was going to take. Now I have a pretty good idea that I'm going to major in International Studies, but I'm not sure. Part of me admires people who have the focus to decide their life when they're sixteen, but part of me wonders: if your so sure, couldn't you miss out on something you love. And at sixteen, who's goals are you really fulfililng?

I'd like to point out yet again that the amount of time parents spend with children has been increasing, there may be a tiny dip here or there in your experience or others' due to iPads or computer games, but there really is an overall trend toward more family togetherness (even including the extremely busy schedules of many modern parents).But anyway, I totally agree with all of the taste stuff.Oh, and one more thing, ADHD is currently diagnosed a lot, bordering on over-diagnosis, and it's not exactly a good idea to try to assign a disorder to someone whom one hardly knows.~ BioGioI think we talked about this in my Education in America class. In the old days, children were basically given the freedom to run around and get dirty, and learn the hard way as long as they don't get sent to jail. Now, there is a huge emphasis on education and enrichment and supervision. It's an interesting trend, and I'm not sure if it's good or bad. It's probably a bit of both.

No, this is a great point. I don't feel that society as a whole is going downhill, but I do feel that there are some disturbing trends now. I think we are encountering a new way of communicating and there are unfortunately rough spots along the way. I feel that the new media, more than anything has the potential to take time away from parents that the could be spending with their kids. My mother sure spends a lot of time on her iPad (probably not as much time as I spend on my computer, but a lot), but fortunately my brother and I are both at the age where we no longer need supervision.Many of these new trends are simply a matter of taste. Sure, I don't really like today's pop music, but you shouldn't ban something for bad taste. I grew up listening to the same music as my father, and that has influenced me far more than what I hear on the radio.

Wilco- I'll Fight

Come on childrenyou're acting like childrenEvery generation thinksit's the end of the word-Wilco, You Never Know

I tend to have depressing endings. I should put a WARNING: LACK OF POSITIVE ENERGY above all stories. XDAbout my bionicles being human, I write a lot of human-character stories, so that's always something I have troubles with. I when I started this I thought..."there's no way anyone can be more emo than me!", and the I was like "oh.."Kudos to actually having the guts to kill off your characters though. I just angst way to much.About Onua's characterization: I see no problem in making him more human, especially since what defines the character of bionicle and what defines "human" is so broad. There's I difference between characterizing him as human, however, and putting him in human situations. This whole thing remindes me strongly of LOTR. Maybe it's just me but Bionicle never seemed to evoke European "high fantasy". I always thought of Onua as more soft-spoken; he's supposed to be the type who speeks only when it is necesary. Not to say that he is incapable of being inspiring, but I never saw him as the type to go waving war hammers around. That is more Tahu's area, IMO.Makuta doesn't seem to be the type to waste words either. I feel he would just be silent (a lot creepier) and then laugh to himself as he watches them die.The battle was sort of a let down; I feel I should have been more invested in the characters that I was. I think Zaxvo's mentioned everything else. Your writing is definitely inproving though. Keep it up! ^^

551~Dessa

^The only song I know from Blink 182 is "All the Small Things" but I think it's pretty good.

I've listened to AAR. I think they actually have more potential as acoustic. The only songs I can really say were good from them was When the World Comes Down and The Poison. But pop-punk isn't my genera, I think. Unless Death Cab for Cutie counts.

Rabiosa-Shakira

I loved Blade Runner. What about it struck you as bad? I remember thinking they don't make movies like this anymore. The world building and filming were so lovelying done and so gritty and believable. It lacked the candy coated CGI and need for ACTION that permiates most sci-fi and fantasy today. Not to mention that it was made thirty years ago. The only part that ticked me off was the Hollywood ending tacked on, which aparently wasn't in the directors intention but was forced on because they worried that otherwise it wouldn't sell. (Neither were the voice overs.)I dislike Twilight because of the dangerous precedent it sets and because it is bad writing. (I don't mind the movies so much, but that is probably because the actor who plays Edward has the same attitude toward Twilight as I do. ) Christopher Paolini is just as bad of a writer, imo, but because he caters to dangerous male fantasies instead of dangerous female ones I have a feeling that he is going to get more approval here.

^Most authors agree that you should use "said" as a speech tag as much as possible. (Or no speech tags at all when they aren't needed.) I remember that I once took a class in middle school where we were told said is "boring" and to use colorful speech tags. However, as I got older, read more, and began to write myself, I learned that this was the wrong idea. "Said" is ideal precisely because it is humble and unnoticible. Strong verbs are ideal for action, but strong speech tags tend to distract from the content of your dialogue."Questioned" as well as "asked" are a little iffy. I sometimes use "asked" because it just sounds better when next to a question, for the same reason I would say "Help!" he screamed instead of "Help!" he said. (I prefer it over "questioned", which is long and a bit distracting.) However, you can make said work too. It depends on your preference and what appears to work for you.

My review for Gathering Dust is up. Sorry, I have no such excuse for my lateness, as we have WiFi and ethernet everywhere here. The beginning semester homework hit me quite hard, but I shall adjust in the next few weeks and my review shall turn up in a more timely fashion.

Official SSCC ReviewI love your first paragraph. With just a few sentences, you managed to establish the scene clearly and concisely. Both of these are great habits in writing.I was additionally taken aback by the amount of description in this story. In general, short stories lean their characters and not their situation. In general, of course, does not mean always. As I read further, I began to realize this is one of the few stories that works by emphasizing situation; I was not even told the Toa’s names.One this I would like to see in this a solid point of view. I feel this story would be best told in the dramatic point of view; where we imagine that we are a video camera going over the scene. Dramatic viewpoint is completely unbiased, so you would remove any references to who is good and evil and any thoughts the characters might have. If the Toa’s names are not important, neither are there elements; we can infer what they can control from their actions (Out of curiosity, what is a Toa of frenzy?) Dramatic point of view is showing everything and telling nothing. I know it might seem a little drastic, but it would greatly improve the impact of this story. Be careful; commas cannot be used to separate two complete sentences. You should change the comma to a semicolon or completely separate the sentences with a period.I noticed that you used exclamation points a lot. In my Creative Writing class, I learned that you only get four exclamation points in your life. While this is a bit of an exaggeration, the idea behind it is true. Exclamation points are like cayenne pepper: a little is good for the goulash but too much becomes overwhelming. I would also try and read some of your dialogue out loud. Some of it sounds a trifle overdramatic and you should see if there are more realistic ways for your characters to talk.Your action scene lost me, but that was largely because it was shoved into one huge paragraph. Try to break it up according to who is acting at the moment. It might also help if you left one line between paragraphs as I am doing now, but that is an aesthetic choice.A few other small things: This should be “At its sound the Toa flinched.” You inconsistently pluralized “Toa” throughout this. In the matoran language, plural nouns are the same as singular ones. Thus, there is no “Toas” or “Matorans”.Overall, I really liked the image this story created. You just need to make sure that it lasts throughout the story and leaves the reader thinking. I am sorry this is so late, and if you have questions about anything more specific you should feel free to ask me. Good luck, and keep writing. ^^

Wow, second place?Congradulations to everyone who entered, I have read all the stories and all of them were well written and deserving of a prize. ^^

Velox just completed the last review, so you should be able to resubmit to start the new list, I believe.

I'm generally not a fan of the Inheritance series, but the movie definitely butchered everything and they obviously spent all their money on Saphira.

GI Joe: Rise of Cobra wasn't even worth the $4 I payed because it was a matinee. The only good part of it was the hot ninja.

Editing, my friend, is a constant process. That's what the edit button is for. =PGood luck, I look forward to reading your story!

I've reviewed, 12.5 and What Lurks Below. Now if someone could take one more we could get this puppy moving again.

Official SSCC ReviewOverall, I liked the idea of this poem. It was nicely structured and it had a clear plot. (Besides, this is a poem and it doesn’t necessarily need one.) For once, you made the leader the bad guy, and I say it’s about time. The cynical lieutenants are too often the evil ones. Now for the nitpicking. There’s nothing wrong with this technically, but when I saw this word my first impression was that this poem was about some really tall toa. I had to do a double take for me to realize that you were talking about the number of toa. It might have made more sense if you said “above the other teams of toa.” Also why does their number single them out for recognition? (They’re the Toa version of Super Junior!) I feel that there should be a "their" on the second line as well. It doesn’t make sense to put it in the first and then drop it in the second when they both have the same structure. I also think that the punctuation should be consistent. There should be two commas or two semicolons, but not both. The second semi-colon should be colon; you’re introducing a list. Again, keep the subject here. This entire sentence feels awkward. How do sure orders, clear eyes, and a proud heart (keep the article) lend themselves to victories? Do victories borrow them? It’s very important to go over sentences like this and read them out to see if they actually make sense. A better sentence would be: “His sure orders, clear eyes and proud heart gave him many victories.” “At death” is just an awkward turn of phrase. Good old “he was not dead” will be fine here. This verse was a bit jarring for me. First, we have all these long, compound and complex sentences, and they all of a sudden we have short fragments. With periods. I don’t know if this exactly what you were aiming for. I think that Carr’s apparent death would deserve this jarring treatment more than the aftermath.In conclusion, I felt there was a bit of dissonance between this poem’s content and its structure. This has the content of an epic poem; it tells a definite story. I suggest you read some epic poems and study their content. Most of them are not written in free verse. Not all of them rhyme, but all of the ones I have read have fairly equal stanzas, definitive rhythm, and a clear structure. I’m not suggesting that you stick to this because everyone else has done it, but think about it for a moment. Free verse poems tend to describe singular events, emotions, and image. I love free verse poetry, and I love writing it; but this is the sort of poem meant to be sung around a fire, telling a clear story that is structured more like a prose peace.Also be careful with archaic language. It’s applicable to grammar and usage laws just like normal english. Good luck, and keep writing. ^^