Beat Up the Toa

[Toa Smoke Monster]

My skull cannot be destroyed with explosions. The same can't be said for yours though, so I destroy it with dynamite.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I don't think so. I insert my hand through your skull slowly and I magic your brain away.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I magic my brain back, then use a sword to separate your skull from your shoulders.

 

I got him.

[Onaku]

I separate all the protons and neutrons of one of the atoms in your body. The resulting nuclear blast is enough to instantly disintegrate you and level the surrounding area.

 

Gotcha!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Thankfully, I'm immune to nuclear explosions. I can also absorb their energy, which I do to form a nuclear energy beam to destroy you.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

Sure, you survive the blast, but you die from radiation poisoning.

 

Got 'imself.

[Onaku]

Thankfully, I am immune to nuclear energy beams and radiation. I then proceed to thanking you for being helpful and pointing out Smoke Monster's radiation poisoning (only by pointing things out here do they actually happen), and invite you to go see a movie tomorrow. However, when the time comes, you realise that the theater that was supposed to show the movie I mentioned has been closed down. In fact, it's been closed for years now. I had fooled you into showing up at a closed theater. Muhahaha.

 

I got him... Wait, what do you mean that doesn't count? Beat him up? I don't want to actually hurt him, he seems like a chill guy. Uggh, alright, fine. I walk out of the closed theater and boop you on the nose. There. How's that? Seriously? I have to actually physically harm him? Alright, uh... I take out a needle and prick your arm. That's... harmful. I guess?

 

I... got him?

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I stab you with a Lego-ized screwdriver.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I splatter my pricked arm's blood on you and you recoil in disgust.

 

Got 'em!

[Onaku]

I refuse to beat you up. Instead, I opt for beating Smoke Monster up further. I take the Lego-ized screwdriver and beat him to a pulp with it. I then throw it to you for safe keeping.

 

I got him.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

How dare you take my Lego-ized screwdriver! 

 

I retaliate by grabbing my Lego-ized bone saw and going to town on both of you.

 

I got them both.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I take your bone saw, smash it over my knee, and crush your drill under my foot. I then firmly lodge said foot into you.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I brake you over my knee for destroying my bone saw.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

Thank you for stopping my car, Smokey! I thought I was for sure a goner!

(Incorrect form of break, you see).

 

Got 'eeeeeem!

[FrozenFlash]

From a high rooftop, I pick you off with a sniper rifle.

 

Got 'em!

[Onaku]

From an even higher rooftop, I pick you off with a well thrown shovel.

 

They have been gotten

[Toa Smoke Monster]

From space, above the planet, I take you out with a well thrown anvil.

 

I got him.

[Zacian]

I shoot you with lasers from my X-Wing that I totally stole from Luke Skywalker.

 

I got him.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I shoot you with the cannons from a Star Destroyer.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I star-destroy your Star Destroyer with my Solar Cannon.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I use Proton torpedoes on the inside of your Solar Cannon, causing it to explode and take you out.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

The Solar Cannon, while exploding, also sends out a massive concentration of Gamma radiation, which collides into you. The complications haunt you as you slowly die. Was it worth it?

 

Got 'em!

[Onaku]

I pat you on the back. Slightly roughly. It's physically a bit uncomfortable, but otherwise reassuring.

 

I got his backm.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I throw you into the path of an oncoming rock slide. 

 

I got him.

[Onaku]

Au contraire, Smokey. I control the rock slide to harmlessly slide over me and change course to clobber you to death.

 

I got him.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I use the Pokemon move Counter to reflect the rock back at you with double the speed and power.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I use a mirror to appear behind you and slit your throat.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I sow my throat back up and break the mirror while you'll still in it, shattering you into pieces.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

What folly! I simply used the mirror as a means of reflection! The more pieces you make, the more I can move around! A thousand Inarys burst our of the mirrors and obliterate that weak jalopy you call a skeleton!

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I see. So I restore my skeleton to what it was and wait for you to return to your mirror shards. I then use a flamethrower I happen to have on me on the shards, melting them and thus trapping you inside them.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

Yet another folly! You've gotta pay attention to light more often, Smokey! I beam off the shards and into the glint of your smug face's sunglasses! After I remove myself from your glasses and out of the mirror permanently, I skull-crush you.

 

Got 'em!

[Tahtorak ate my house!]

I fire my Handheld Portal Device/Gun twice, the first time at your torso and the second time on the ground right in front of you. A pair of portals is formed and (if my understanding of portal mechanics are correct) your internal organs fly across the two portals non-stop.

 

Got her!

Edited November 23, 2016 by Tahtorak ate my house!

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I angle my body towards you and my internal organs land on you. Disgusted, you shrivel up like one who truly has no guts.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I hit you in the back of your head with a shovel, taking you out. It's simple, but still effective.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I punch a hole in your chest. It's simple, but even more effective.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I punch you into non-existence.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

My sudden removal from existence wipes your memory clean, reaching back a few days.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Thankfully someone recorded everything I went through over the last few days, which helps me get my memory back. This helps me remember that you are still out of existence, which technically means...

 

I still got him.

[Onaku]

I recover Inary from non-existence, and together, we pull off the ultimate combo attack on your sorry behind.

 

We got'im

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I use a combo breaker to take you both down.

 

I got them.