Beat Up the Toa

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

Too bad that I pumped noxious gases into the air behind the steel wall.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I use a giant fan to blow the gases back onto you.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

But the steel wall blocks the way to me, thus trapping you with the gasses... 

 

Got 'em!

[Sumiki]

I whack you over the head with a solid bronze statue of Toa Lhikan.
 
I got 'em.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I drop a giant statue of Makuta on top of you.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I drop the Great Spirit Robot on you.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I drop you into a bottomless pit.

 

I got him.

[JAG18]

I sock you with Protosteel knuckle dusters.

 

I got 'em. 

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I take all seventeen previous jags and stab them into you.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I throw you into a den full of porcupines. It gives you a pain-filled death.

 

I got him.

[Sumiki]

I throw a porcupine at you.
 
I got him.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I throw you into the path of a charging rhino.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I strangle you with the cord of a charging cell phone.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I crush you with a giant boulder.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I boulder you with a giant's crush.

 

Got 'em!

[Onaku]

I remove your face. Good luck seeing where you're going without that becau- oh, there he goes off a cliff. 

 

I got him.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Fortunately, I learn to live without a face. I can even still see, because I still have eyeballs. But my look is now so hideous that when you look at me, you drop dead from horror.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I believe you are mistaken, Smoke Monster, as it was I who had lost their face. I retrieve my face and teleport you into a dimension like the one in Dali's The Persistence of Memory. Initially, you are entranced and curious. However, after years of being trapped in this dimension, you go so mad, you eventually stop thinking.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Thankfully for me, Axonn happened to walk by me and saw me in my state. He healed my mind, and then together we beat you to a pulp.

 

We got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I smash you and Axonn underneath a redwood tree.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Thankfully, I'm not hurt that bad from the tree falling on me. I pick it up and use it like a giant baseball bat to hit you, which causes you to sail off into the distance.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

But then, I orbit around the Earth and careen back into the atmosphere. I slam into you at terminal velocity.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I see you coming towards me, so I turn my body into pure metal. You slam into my metal body and, well, the result isn't pretty.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

But I slammed into you at terminal velocity, you see. AND I turned myself into an asteroid. 

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

The metal I turned into was adamantium, so you still didn't hurt me. But you, now being an asteroid, are smashed into pieces upon hitting me.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

The shattered asteroid then becomes an army of myself. We send you into deep space by making a gravity-defying chain of ourselves into the stratosphere and hauling you up.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I teleport the biggest hammer in existence into my hands. I then hit you all with it, turning you all into dust.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

The biggest hammer, however, cannot break through the massive wall made of my singularity. We surround you and suffocate you.

 

Got 'em! 

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I use the power of extreme heat to melt you all into a puddle.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

As you fall back into the atmosphere, you realize the folly of your plan. You drown in your own self-made boiling Inary stew.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Fortunately for me, I have an non-canon Kaukau that allows me to breathe in any liquid substance. This keeps me from drowning in the stew.

 

Sadly though, you are still melted.

 

I still got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

No, no, you didn't drown. You were deep-fried, my friend.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I'm deep-fried proof, so I'm not affected by the temperature of the stew.

 

But you are still melted.

 

I still got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I solidify around you and absorb you.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I extend my hands and perform a Dragonball Z style blast that incinerates you from the inside, leaving me where you once stood.

 

I got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I shift Earth's gravity into you and you are crushed by its sheer force and the objects that inevitably crash into you.

 

Got 'em!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I somehow survive this incident and inform the Order of Mata Nui about what you've done. They send Botar to catch you and drag you to the Pit.

 

The OoMN got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

But I remind them that I have diplomatic immunity!

 

My freedom!

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Botar don't care about diplomatic immunity. He just takes guilty people to the Pit, regardless of whatever is stated by anyone else.

 

Botar got him.

[Electric Light Gunhaver]

I destroy the Pit with a massive and concussive blast. I do the same directly to your skull.

 

Got 'em!