ObfuscatedCubeEntity Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Minecraft exists because Chuck Norris allows Mojang to live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyMetalSunshineSister Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Yeesh. Really just an old joke with a new noun or two thrown in. Mix things up a little.Chuck Norris and Theodore Roosevelt once fought in a fairly uninhabited part of Russia. Neither one has publicly claimed responsibility for the stray punch that caused the Tunguska event. (My money's on Teddy). Quote We will remember - Skies may fade and stars may wane; we won't forget And your light shines bright - yes so much brighter shine on We will remember - Until the skies will fall we won't forget We will remember We all shall follow doom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squishyfrog Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Chuck Norris once made Abraham Lincoln LIE.ok that was just terrible alright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bfahome Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.Billy Mays can slam a revolving door. With his voice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyMetalSunshineSister Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Chuck Norris taught Kim Jong-Il how to play golf. Quote We will remember - Skies may fade and stars may wane; we won't forget And your light shines bright - yes so much brighter shine on We will remember - Until the skies will fall we won't forget We will remember We all shall follow doom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jowm Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 (edited) Chuck Norris once choked a dead man to life. Chuck Norris can breathe solids.Chuck Norris once snapped his fingers so hard the broke they sound barrier. Edited January 19, 2012 by Jowm Quote http://www.bzpower.c...?showtopic=5700 - My new epic revealing the life of the interesting character we all wish we could have known better before he left us, Karzahni. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonathan Crane Posted January 19, 2012 Author Share Posted January 19, 2012 Chuck Norris can play Russian Roulet with a fully-loaded revolver and wins.Chuck Norris's blood type is AK-47.Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow unjder his gun.Chuck Norris doesn't kill people; he just doesn't allow them to live.Chuck Norris committed suicide 7 times.Stonehenge was created by Chuck Norris playing Jenga. Quote Add me on Steam!: Bionicdeadpool Productions TTV: Bionicdeadpool Twitter: Avenging_Odin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jowm Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Chuck Norris doesn't dodge taxes, taxes doge Chuck Norris. Quote http://www.bzpower.c...?showtopic=5700 - My new epic revealing the life of the interesting character we all wish we could have known better before he left us, Karzahni. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Fluffy Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Chuck Norris had a staring contest with his reflection and won. Quote "By me... Count Bleck! The chosen executor of the Dark Prognosticus... is Count Bleck! The fine fellow prophesied to come to this dimension... is also Count Bleck!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legolover-361 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 My younger brother came up with a couple good ones:When Chuck Norris stares at the sun too long, the sun goes blind.Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with his reflection. He won.Chuck Norris doesn't need to be a safe distance from an explosion; the explosion needs to be a safe distance from Chuck Norris. Quote (( BZPRPG profiles: Kynaera, Nova )) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BBBBalta Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.Ghosts sit around a campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.That's all I got for now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToskiHero Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) When in Rome, the Romans do as Chuck Norris does.Mr. T pities the fool, but Chuck Norris pitties Mr. T. And here's one I came up with:I used to write those annnoying Skyrim "Arrow to the Knee" jokes, but then Chuck Norris showed up and roundhouse kicked me in the knee. It hurt. A LOT. Edited January 21, 2012 by ToskiHero Quote Formerly known as Toa Toski: Toa of Ice. (The OLD me.)I'm back. R.I.P Neil Armstrong (1930-2012) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fractual Forever Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse. Its descendants today are called giraffes.The movie 'Alien vs Predator' was supposed to be 'Alien vs Predator vs Chuck Norris'. It was cancelled for being only 20 seconds long.In 'Jurassic Park', the T-Rex was chasing the jeep. What no one knew was that Chuck Norris was chasing the T-Rex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simulacrum Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Cropcircles are Chuck Norris's way of saying that sometimes, corn just needs to lay the heck down.Diamond can only be scratched by another diamond. Chuck Norris can't be scratched. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Joe Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 The Call of Duty games were based on the life of Chuck Norris....Rated G. Quote My Old comics, Of Hedgehogs and Lego Bricks - My Epic, Hero Factory: The Biosteel ChroniclesTrifecta! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jowm Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Once Chuck Norris decided to go sight seeing, so he went to Mars... without a space shuttle or space suit.Once, Chuck Norris went to Mars(the above joke), on his way back, he saw a giant robot flying through space, instead of moving out of the way, he roundhouse kicked it into an ocean planet, though the crash of the robot is often blamed on some unfortunate inhabitants of the robot, called Makuta. Quote http://www.bzpower.c...?showtopic=5700 - My new epic revealing the life of the interesting character we all wish we could have known better before he left us, Karzahni. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpha123 Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 There once was a street called Chuck Norris. They had to change it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table. The only element Chuck Norris recognizes is the element of surprise.Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. Quote If the Kanohi masks are a type of technology and most of the MU citizens are Biomechanical beings then how would a Kanohi mask recognize the difference between a Matoran and a Toa? Muffin button Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light; Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down; If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says 'Two seconds 'til'. After you ask, 'Two seconds 'til what?' he roundhouse kicks you in the face; Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls; When Chuck Norris pays taxes, he sends in blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever; The quickest way to a man's heart is through Chuck Norris' fist; Chuck Norris can divide by zero; A picture is worth a thousand words. Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words; There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live; When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies; Chuck Norris is the only man ever to defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis; Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out; Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage; Chuck Norris does not style his hair. It lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror; Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way; Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won; Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door; Chuck Norris once shot down a plane with his finger, by yelling 'Bang!'; Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill; Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klak Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Chuck Norris is master chief.The Na'vi are screwed.Chuck Norris killed the Grim Reaper.Chuck Norris destroyed the one ring by snapping it.He didn't have to go to Mordor to destroy it in the cracks of doom.Chuck Norris solved the rubic's cube.The cube turned into the allspark.-CDPEpic pic!Chuck Norris is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a hat. The result was Saxton Hale. Quote My Comedies: The Krika Show (Season 1)The Krika Show Season 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skarloth Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked an archer once...The result was a mass overdose of arrows penetrating knees.-Skar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parazan Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Once,a giant blade fell on Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris used superglue to glue himself back together.Chuck Norris can fly.Chuck Norris can cheat death.Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Mata-nui robot.The robot became vulnerable to Makuta.-CDP Quote Coming June 22nd: Your chance to become an ECC critic! Power of the pen in your hands! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyMetalSunshineSister Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Chuck Norris supports Harold Saxon.That's really all there is to say on the matter. Quote We will remember - Skies may fade and stars may wane; we won't forget And your light shines bright - yes so much brighter shine on We will remember - Until the skies will fall we won't forget We will remember We all shall follow doom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Lorax Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Whenever Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, it shatters because not even a mirror is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toa Aeroga Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Chuck Norris can melt fire.Chuck Norris is still alive because Death is afraid of him.When Chuck Norris goes to Burger King, they have it his way.Chuck Norris can make tears cry.Chuck Norris was once trolled. Once.The earth rotates around the sun so the sun can stay away from chuck Norris.Chuck Norris wiped out the dinosaurs.All your base are belong to Chuck Norris.When Chuck Norris fought Bruce Lee, the Grand Canyon was created. Quote "Life isn't black and white, no matter how it might seem." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simulacrum Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 The fear of spiders is Aracnaphobia, the fear of tight spaces Chlaustraphobia. The fear of Chuck Norris is Logic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fractual Forever Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac from Burger King once. He got it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simulacrum Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 A police-man once pulled Chuck Norris over. He should be glad he got away with a warning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Joe Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror. Quote My Old comics, Of Hedgehogs and Lego Bricks - My Epic, Hero Factory: The Biosteel ChroniclesTrifecta! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonathan Crane Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 Chuck Norris can place Santa on the naughty list.The reason the Government doesn't discuss Area 51 is Chuck Norris is watching them. Quote Add me on Steam!: Bionicdeadpool Productions TTV: Bionicdeadpool Twitter: Avenging_Odin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Toa Lhikevikk- Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Chuck Norris once visited a Chinese monk for dinner and asked how he could receive enlightenment."Are you finished with your meal?" the monk asked."Yes, I am," was the reply."Then wash your bowl."Chuck Norris then washed his bowl, returned home, and received enlightenment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Joe Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Chuck Norris once visited a Chinese monk for dinner and asked how he could receive enlightenment."Are you finished with your meal?" the monk asked."Yes, I am," was the reply."Then wash your bowl."Chuck Norris then washed his bowl, returned home, and received enlightenment.I don't get this one. Quote My Old comics, Of Hedgehogs and Lego Bricks - My Epic, Hero Factory: The Biosteel ChroniclesTrifecta! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonathan Crane Posted February 7, 2012 Author Share Posted February 7, 2012 Chuck Norris's Band was called "The Beetles"Paul, John, Ringo, and George had to change their band name because they didn't want to be sued by Chuck Norris Quote Add me on Steam!: Bionicdeadpool Productions TTV: Bionicdeadpool Twitter: Avenging_Odin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenLuke Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 In Soviet Russia Chuck Norris gets punched by YOU. Quote BZPRPG Profiles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyMetalSunshineSister Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Chuck Norris once visited a Chinese monk for dinner and asked how he could receive enlightenment."Are you finished with your meal?" the monk asked."Yes, I am," was the reply."Then wash your bowl."Chuck Norris then washed his bowl, returned home, and received enlightenment.Probably the best actual Chuck Norris joke in the topic. Quote We will remember - Skies may fade and stars may wane; we won't forget And your light shines bright - yes so much brighter shine on We will remember - Until the skies will fall we won't forget We will remember We all shall follow doom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klak Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Chuck Norris once visited a Chinese monk for dinner and asked how he could receive enlightenment."Are you finished with your meal?" the monk asked."Yes, I am," was the reply."Then wash your bowl."Chuck Norris then washed his bowl, returned home, and received enlightenment.I don't get this one.Neither do I. PLEASE EXPLAIN, FELLOW MORTAL!In Soviet Russia Chuck Norris gets punched by YOU.In Soviet Russia, nothing changes with Chuck Norris. Quote My Comedies: The Krika Show (Season 1)The Krika Show Season 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axilus Prime Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 There is no life on Mars because Chuck Norris visited it. And the red color comes from the blood of the former inhabitants.Chuck Norris burned a fire to death.Ever heard of walking on water? Chuck Norris can swim through land.Chuck Norris is able to make annoying telemarketers shut up.Chuck Norris once used a truck's gas tank as a toilet for fun. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyMetalSunshineSister Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Chuck Norris once visited a Chinese monk for dinner and asked how he could receive enlightenment."Are you finished with your meal?" the monk asked."Yes, I am," was the reply."Then wash your bowl."Chuck Norris then washed his bowl, returned home, and received enlightenment.I don't get this one.Neither do I. PLEASE EXPLAIN, FELLOW MORTAL!Explaining the joke would kill it. Quote We will remember - Skies may fade and stars may wane; we won't forget And your light shines bright - yes so much brighter shine on We will remember - Until the skies will fall we won't forget We will remember We all shall follow doom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klak Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Ah, the old "Don't explain the joke" trope. Quote My Comedies: The Krika Show (Season 1)The Krika Show Season 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axilus Prime Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Chuck Norris made that trope and all the others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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