IC: Helios (Motara Desert)
The vast expanse of sand, dirt, heat and merciless isolation in the midst of personal tragedy flowed past me like a dream. Fitting, perhaps, because I still felt like I'd entered a nightmare..
I'd joined a treasure hunt because it offered adventure, and of course I got a pretty sweet bow out of the deal, but then the question became why? What instinct in a hero was supposed to drive them to make that conclusion. Because I wanted to be a hero, not just because it was what Toa were supposed to do, but because so few of them were doing it these days. Someone had to stand up and try again, right? I felt good when I helped out, that's one thing, maybe not for no reward whatsoever, I'm not perfect, but a "thank you" at least will go a long way with me.
So why join a big expedition entirely for the reward and nothing else?
"--m I good? Good person? Good hero? Think I am. Want to be. My brother ... my brother was. I looked up to him. Now, I don't want to end up like him. God, Helios. God, what am I doing?"
Plagia had a point I hadn't considered; in all this, this running around for something to fight for, this search that had so far brought very modest fruit, what was it leading to? What was I leading to?
Was I leading to Colx? Following too close in his footsteps?
It was a question I'd never asked myself before, but suddenly it became valid. Colx was once a mercenary, an opportunist at heart, he would've gone off on a search for better equipment and valuable artefacts in a heartbeat.
But that was him, not me. Running off on that expedition proved no benefit to anyone, and as a result I wasn't there when heroes were actually needed in Ta-Koro.
It seemed obvious now in hindsight (but really, how many inns do you expect to suddenly blow up while you're away?), and that feeling of obvious failure to recognize the consequences of my actions was way more sobering than any lesson Colx had given. At least it proved that one thing he always stressed "real-life experience is the best teacher around"
Minor silver lining aside, I had a problem to deal with now, bigger than I'd imagined.
It was time to head back home.
OOC: Helios to Onu-Wahi