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Mushy the Mushroom

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  7. Mushy the Mushroom

    Cake, shirt, life.

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    nothing more mortifying that reading your own content
    ..Rareactualreallifeentry..
    It has been wild lately. Medical TMI warning, I’m sorry in advance.
    But first, a of couple creations. Just a shirt and chess-cake cheesecake for my brother. Stoked that he finally was able to visit.
    The cake was really rough-looking.I made charcoal-dyed lemon butter-mint dough to cover it because I didn’t have fondant. Kind of floppy and hard to work with, and was totally last-minute. 

    Finally got to apply some newly-learned sewing techniques in the shirt. Basting tape is a marvelous thing. And stay-stitching. It’s also a lot easier to use a serger inside the french seams. The vertical buttonholes are a lot less scary to put in than traditional thread ones. (The shirt is on a female mannequin that I padded with towels. Probably looks weird, but no male mannequin at the moment.) So glad to finally have a sewing technique resource website!
    I’m still in the process of designing a full-face Bionicle mask, but I’m failing at a lot of stuff lately so it might be a while before it’s done. And now it’s holiday-gift-making rush season. So many half-finished sewing and art projects, so many things I need to take pictures of...
     
    It’s been a strange year of medical mysteries. TMI begins here, sorry in advance.
    Five total ER visits now. You know you’ve been too often when you see the same ER doctor again.
    Went two weeks ago for myoclonic hyponatremia seizures, chest pain and near syncope... the seizure, at least, caused by unexplained extreme thirst/over-hydration. That visit was pretty drama-free, just labs, x rays and EKGs.They actually didn’t catch that hyponatremia was the cause and suggested it was dehydration (...checking your own labs later is useful).
     
    Last night brought anaphylaxis/allergic reaction. Hives, throat constriction and breathing difficulty. It’s been awhile since anaphylaxis gave me a visit (I outgrew my food allergies three years ago...). My mom gave me expired Benadryl, then harpooned me with an Epipen that expired 4 years ago (It’s odd how you don’t feel the needle). None of that helped, and the home pulse-oximeter showed hypoxemia.This was the first time the Epipen hadn’t worked...So, woo, another ER visit. EKG again, an IV of steroids, an epinephrine shot....and the infamous, bright pink Benadryl IV…. Instant burning throat, coughing, a sensation of all mouth moisture sucked out, a feeling that a black hole has sucked all the strength out of your body, convulsing, losing the ability to move and speak, and being unable to feel your arms. Also, fiery hallucinations and losing consciousness(?) while hearing everything. 
    Nurse: “You just had the worst possible reaction to that.”  
    ...Benadryl is quite nefarious. Strangely, almost dying a few years ago didn’t feel nearly that weird. eek. wow.
    Glad that’s over...but the etiology of it all remains unknown. Has peanut allergy re-emerged? Or Alpha-Gal allergy? Or a random new one? I guess it’s back to sanitizing a spot in the kitchen and starting the “I can eat these five foods until I get an appointment” diet. Thankfully, this isn’t as disturbing the fourth time around. Pretty chill, really. Not boring, at least. Also, it’s cool that the IVs have bendy plastic needles, I forgot that was a thing. I’m acquiring a nice collection of electrodes and hospital bands now, haha. Sorry if anyone actually read all of this, I never imagined I’d actually post anything non-art related on here. I’ll probably deeply regret/be very mortified about posting this later, but I suppose it’s a nice way to process it all. I’ll blame it on the Prednisone blur. Thanks for making blogs free, BZP. (Also, sorry if posting about this stuff isn’t allowed, not sure if it’s okay.) Edit: apologies for typing errors. Also, ultrasounds make the spookiest, most fascinating, haunted-house-style swooshing noises...And also, time to add filler memes, because memes improve all situations. Mildly tempted to post an IV pic, but that’s likely too gory.
     


  8. Mushy the Mushroom
    Recent chipmunk, 9X12 acrylic + pencil on watercolor paper. Drawing time: ? Painting time: 42 hours.
    The drawing was from last year and not heavily detailed (done with a flashlight during a road trip).

     
    Drawings from the past few months, 9x12s. I lacked access to a reference photo for one of them, so that accidentally resulted in a drawing of me as a mere primordial mush’. The last two are smaller, old/not very good (2018-2019, flashlight car art) ones with some newly added details.

    My dear, tolerant brother visited and confusedly agreed to be in a five minute forest photoshoot!
    Him: “I didn’t know what I was walking into. I still don’t.” 

    Lantern: Was gifted to our great grandparents by a conductor after his train derailed and partially destroyed their yard. (It works, but fire is scary so the flame is tissue paper).  Binoculars: From another grandfather. 
    Brother’s costume: Russian hat: Our grandfather apparently fancied one after spotting it in a magazine. Coat: Too big, temporarily swiped from our dad, pinned to cover the Star Wars shirt underneath. 
    Mine: Dress: Actually our great grandmother’s coat with an added belt. Cape: A tattered tablecloth secured with safety pins and a rubber band. 
    Bear: Still frightens our mom.  I regret not bringing string to make it look like it was climbing a tree.
    Merry times. Had a flowery stump funeral for a trio of poor fishies who had perished in a park, finally watched Rise of Skywalker, and maybe even put braids in his quarantine hair to prove it was possible.
    If life gives you straw flowers, why not wear them as straw hats?

     
    Noticed an abundance of teal things and decided to make an utter goof of myself by playing dress up with it all in the backyard.  

    Swashbuckling sword: My dad’s. From 1913/WW1. Apparently sword length is based on one’s height? The sheath unceremoniously dragged the ground.
    Lantern: Possibly stolen from the garden. 
    Dress: Made 3 years ago from my mom’s old bridesmaid gown + new lace. 
    Gloves: Made from velveteen some years ago.
    Cape: Really just my grandmother’s coat with the sleeves pulled outside-in. 
    Kakama: Pattern
    Random story because the content below will sound like the senseless babble that it is without it:
     
    -The Antics of Nannerpus-
    Once upon a time my brother and I saw a commercial starring a majestic Nannerpus and adored it more than we should have.
    Years later, my grandmother gifted me a massive amount of acrylic yellow felt. 
    And later my mom gave me an old tan sheet.
    My x year old brain: *IDEA*
    Nannerpus then became our homeschool mascot.
    2017: Took Nannerpus to the hospital with me, somehow got other patients to wear it. 
    2018: Discovered a compilation clip contest. Taped black plastic to the side of our house, asked my mom to shower balloons from an upper window, and a strange second of spinning Nannerpus ended up in that indie band’s video.

    2021: My dad:

    Me: ??? *Assumes it’s a random joke because it wasn’t mentioned again*
    Four days later: 
    My dad, 5:30 pm:
    “So, I need a Twinkie costume for work tomorrow (in 12 hours)...”
    "...Okay? Yeah? Sure?"
    ...Two hours later:

    (Temporarily stitched oversized additions to cover the mustache)....I’ve created a terrible monster...O_O 
    Sewing pins have always looked like baby balloons to me. 

    *Gets carried away by the concept like these cotton clouds literally did in the wind*
     
  9. Mushy the Mushroom

    Fabric Forsythias and a Few Flops

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    behold the bush babies
    12 hours on flowers! The promised eternal imposters.

    Pattern made from tracing the real flower shape. Cut from two layers of cotton, prior fused with spray adhesive and ironed together. 
    Assembled with Tex 70 upholstery thread, just a few stitches, one bead and leaving long strings.

     
    Growing….Overflowing
     

     
    Tacky glue, Mildly dilute. Thread tails taped to hangers to try. 
    Tied some to a twine vine. 
     

    And made a branch from a rejected electronic scalp massager (?…There are mysterious things in this house that I am not responsible for…) some leftover wing wire and paper tape. Cut 3/4” tan cotton strips, soaked them in diluted tacky glue and swirled to secure. Glued on the remaining yellow bells once firm. Finished the twine vine and branch blossoms off with a bit of acrylic base greenery.

    They’re weirdly plastic-like stiff.
    Throwback to when wet watercolor paper was the only thing I thought of growing flowers from.

     
    ♩ There's a house we can build
    Every room inside is filled
    With things from far away ♫
     
    *got too flower flinging happy and why did I not move the jar ~2" to the left to cover the outlet.*
    In between the cheerful chaos of my bro flying home, buying a car, flying back to the cold climate he dubbed “So much suffering”  for a couple days, returning here again by plane and yesterday cruising to the coast for the adventure of new employment, Twas time for our mom’s birthday enjoyment. Imagine living to be half a century! I used to want to be just a Jedi but now I hope to be a fraction as good as she..in addition to that.
     I owe her everything. For she’s kind enough to tolerate fittings, wears, and lets me cut her hair ( thanks to Free Salon Education on YT…..am I allowed to admit this now since it’s the post-Plague era? Still weird? ).
     Birthday + Mother’s Day makes.

    Chestnut knit cardigan made from a jersey sheet and finished with petite pleats. 10hrs.
    *should have ironed it but photographed in the “wad & hide it, she’s coming!” mode*

    Leather drawstring pants, 7hrs. Pinned on dress form because, little does the lifeless model know... she has absolutely no legs.

    Circular cut flounces and rolled edge hems.
    Aqua top -4.5Hrs.
    Navy one-4.5hrs plus probably x3 extra because it had to be redone. The fabric lacked stretch so the fit was funny. I pattern drafted off of a lycra reference garment, and, it being 3 am, in that thick state of painkiller proof exhaustion so lacking logic, I blindly cut out the thick textile and realized the tragedy too late.

    I cut out the side panels and live-human-fit Princess seam replacement panels on each side while apologizing profusely for the flop. Added two flounces on each shoulder, elastic waist gather at the back, and detailed with multicolor boho-style  thread “quilting” lines along the edges and ruffles-to hide the alterations.
    Fits now (too big on this dress form), but cannot say I’m guiltless over what the poor garment has been though. 

     
    French seams on all.
     

     
    ^ The low energy butterfly attempt.
    Unfortunately confusion proved contagious amongst the creations. 
    “Cakes have such a terrible habit of turning out bad just when you especially want them to be good” - Anne Shirley

    I have an explanation for its aesthetic. Not a good one, but a long one. 🦋
    The birthday and bro week:
    1: We had no idea he would be back so soon, so I flew into frenzied cooking, confection and bread baking mode.
    2:Our neighbor passed away, and a lightbulb moment of “I’ll bake 7 batches of cookies out of sheer ignorance of what else to do” flickered on. Then there was one other little thing, a drawing. Fast/rough 4x6, done in a two-day frenzy from a photo found via The Power of Googling Names to slip to them at one of the sad events.

    3: I decided to make a double-batch/four layer/6.25” tall (when bald/without toppings) tuxedo chocolate cream cake since my bro was present…but without consideration of the 6.5” tall cake holder height.
    4: Aforementioned cookies used a profuse amount of powdered sugar, so barely enough was left for the buttermint dough butterfly.
    5: I figured out how to maneuver the wheelchair about the kitchen so I can take over the dishwashing and less grieve my mom! And any new unskilled work to crash between is craved for. Thankfully the stationary nature of cooking has steadily remained doable from a tall ordinary chair. A half-hour here, an hour there, If I rest, I writhe, to be busy is to thrive!..?
    6: As result of 1-5, I got terribly, flare-ably tired. 
    and thus, the cake decor did visually suffer. Sorry, Mom. Even though she didn’t mind 😭

    Good gift packaging is an art foreign to me, but perhaps it’s never too late to fumble about with fluff and feathers.
    (Any tips are appreciated from those who do such things better!)
    I never know how much content to carve into a blog entry, so I suppose I’ll lock the newers in a Doc, for the next chime of the clock?
    PS: Here is some no context yard nature.
     

    BEHOLD


    [x6 speed]
    ... the clouds swirls are real but the colors are embellished.
    Okay, goodbye now!

     
  10. Mushy the Mushroom

    FaceFaceMask Tutorial and Other Weirdness

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    nothing more mortifying that reading your own content
    Just a vague tutorial, recent random artstuffspam and things.
    So a lot of months ago I made a mini costume 3D face-face mask just to see if it was possible. 
    Wanted to try again on a larger one for someone else aka my mom the test subject, so here’s how to make one, if you’d like.
    Supplies:
    One cotton face mask that matches the skin tone of the human model. I used a one-layer mask so the paint wouldn’t stain the lining. Paint mask before sewing to lining for multiple layers.
    Acrylic or fabric paints and paintbrushes. 
    A photo of the lower face.
    Iron to heat-set your paint (If using acrylics).
    A phone, tablet or computer screen to display the photo of the face.
    Tracing paper or parchment paper.
    Tape.
    Measuring tape.
    A round surface to place under the mask as you paint. I used a round tailor’s ham, taped cotton balls into a nose shape, and covered it in a plastic bag. I pinned the mask onto it.


    Take a straight-on photo of the face you wish to replicate. Now, on the human model,  use the measuring tape to ascertain the width of their nose. 
    Next, measure the width and length of their mouth/smile. Finally, measure the width between the top of the mouth and the bottom of the nose.
    Open the photo of the face and zoom in/out until the dimensions match the real face measurements. Tape the tracing paper on the screen and outline the details with pencil. 
    Cut out the nose and mouth paper pieces and pin/tape to the mask. It may be advisable to try the mask on the human model for accurate feature positioning. Trace the outlines and add the details. 
    Then paint. I thinned my paint with some water to prevent cracking.  Add various spots and dots on the skin for a pore-like effect. Let dry between layers. Dry fully and iron to heat-set if you’ve used acrylics. 
    Behold your frightening creation.
    Paint time on 2nd attempt: 4hrs.
     
    9X12 acrylic that I barely finished for greeting cards.
    Drawing time:? Paint time: 40hrs.

    And some gifts. Started them too late so they were kind of rushed. 

    (The wallet was made from a 20+year old leather jacket and sewn on the Needle-Launching-Monster. It was weird making one without destroying the fingers while trying to badly hand sew the leather with an embroidery needle. XD  The envelope bag was made from an upholstery swatch, and the tiny red dress was for Pops. Drafted the deer plushies to resemble some 2d painted leather ornaments made in times past.)

     
    And just a few old things turned into new stuffs. 

    Yes, a mushroom hat. Because, why not?
    And the excessive amount of tailor's press tools made for couture sewing. I still don't get why they were named after meat products. Who looks at a ham or a sausage and is like "I can iron on that."?


    And hello from tiny rhino.
    (Carved and painted, before/after.)

     
    And hi from this lovely little slug who keeps breaking into our house.
     
     

    Also seems fun to sum up the past year, probably with poor writing and excess honest information. Because, why not abuse the free blog privileges?
     
    2020 started with adopting a mutt puppy, a violent stray, who terrorized us in our home for 2 months. He currently resides in an enclosure we built outdoors, so things are peaceful and our little dogs are safe again.
    My brother graduated from college in February and moved relatively far away for work. The job became online-based one month later. Yay for Facetime. XD
    My dad lost his job during the shutdowns. He now works locally and lives at home (instead of airports/traveling/hotel living six days per week). He seems a lot happier now.
    My mom and I had to leave our church. ( Hint: It’s in a kind of bad area. Once a homeless dude was secretly living in the church gym and ordering pizzas, and nobody noticed for a surprisingly long time. XD)
    My joints are now musical and make me limp around occasionally. My face has become reddish and disproportionately swollen. My skin has become uncharacteristically yellowish. Some days it hurts too much to move/get off the couch. And other stuff. And now I take a multivitamin made for old people because it doesn’t contain iron.
    Conclusion: Seeing all the stuff about 2020 seniors made me see I was a senior citizen in 2020.
    Also learned I have a blood type that’s supposedly “impossible” based on my parents’ blood groups. So I was either accidentally switched at birth or some kind of gene mutation occurred. 
    And recently had an entertaining toxic reaction to local dental anesthetic containing epinephrine. My legs started shaking and a minute later I started violently convulsing, gasping, my throat constricted, I collapsed and my face turned scarlet, all when they had the drill in my mouth. The hygienist initially thought I died and ran outside to get my mom. The chip filling immediately fell out and they had to redo it. I was in a lethargy state for 2 days after the shot...Then the filling came out one week later and they replaced it again. It was fine without the epinephrine, which is weird because it never caused bad reactions before this. I feel horrible for frightening them so…The best part: The filling just fell out again. *Facepalm* I’m keeping it this way for now, as it seems somewhat dangerous and highly embarrassing to have it repaired again. PIRATE STYLE. Very thankful for masks!
    We still aren’t fully sure what’s causing it all. We have suspicions, but apparently referrals take a long time. But when I have the energy, I’m free to do all the artstuffs and things. I am so thankful for my mom and it’s awesome to get to spend time with her, but I have guilt about being burdensome. :/ But one day, “The knowing will come”.  Oooor hopefully, maybe, whatever it is will just go away on its own. It’s all good~ 
     
    And miscellaneous good stuffs have happened too.
    I rediscovered LEGO and BZPower. So much nostalgia, I love that this old place still exists. 
    Covid shutdowns didn’t affect my social life at all. I was pretty much a hermit before. XD 
    I haven’t redeveloped any food allergies. The anaphylaxis was either idiopathic/a bi-product of other health problems. *happydance*
    Shutdowns are a new excuse for a creative renaissance. ARTSTUFFS. Online tutorial series, yay!
    2020 was personally a tiny bit bad but mostly rad.
    Anyway, apologies to anyone who read through this rather prolix entry.
     May your 2021 be a great one! 

     
  11. Mushy the Mushroom
    And wrappings, wildlife, & celebrating life!
    Yes, yay,  hello, some yellow! 
    I missed May , June’s come so soon! 
    I absolutely forgot to bright/lighting edit lots of these photos, oh no!
     
     
    Speedy little something for my 95(?) year old  *granny’s birthday - *She rented a house to my parents in prehistoric times, and pseudo-adopted my mom, bro and I.  Odd to think we haven’t seen her in-person in centuries due to moves and medical crises on behalf of both parties. Like magic, mail and modern communications! 
    *mortified by my exposed stitching on its back*
    4hrs on the first try. Felt Baby duck drafted, buoy bubbles, envelope content hint! 

     

     
    Bigger bunch of babies!
    Because it’s uncanny how many times a small gift seems needed, so stashed some up for their season. 
    2.5 hrs each
     

     
    Bonnet baby, a brain-vacation creation. Hummel figurine & “what style would my mom fancy” inspired. Stashed for Christmas, currently. 
    6.5hr doll, 7hr outfit. All handsewn.


     
    Scribble edits for dear decency! 
    *the downfalls of dollmaking* 
    Now feeling so silly for realizing center-folding pencil drawn half patterns and running my fingernails along it results in perfectly easy symmetry. 
     
     

    If people knew that I cut up zip lock bags for the plastic on these, would it be frowned upon? 
     

    Homeschool at Harvest- 8x10” -122hrs total, drawing hrs: ? (written down somewhere and I’ve forgotten).
    Acrylic, colored pencil, pencil, workable fixatif on watercolor paper.
    For my mom, her 51st birthday. And her first-in-ages birthday of being free! Inspired by her art style…and her giving up her whole entire being to do everything for the family.

    I learned lapdesk painting! I don’t think I can ever be satisfied with any of my art-always could use just a few more details and I never know when to end!
    Only spilled my paint jug once and had one weird one-week episode of hyper swollen index finger. 

     
    Baby fruits & wrappings sponsored by Stuff I Scavenged.
     
     

     
    Original very rough/scary sketch because planned to paint:

    And a little flower child for her, too. 4x6(?)” 12hrs.
    In truth I was quite ashamed of my slow, rough work here, I was having a severe episode of spine pain and was barely able to sit upright to do this. Propped the lapdesk on pillows because I couldn’t look down. Because of those tears and begging my mom to call a doctor, fortunately neurology saw me unplanned the next day, and I got the right referrals at last
    .
     
    Appointments allabout, a bit of a burnout from exhaustion and writing a 60+ page long medical timeline (More specialists at this point than my memory cells!). I actually found a forgotten, very important note from my allergist (who I owe my life to, as he diagnosed me with Alpha-Gal initially) last year about steps after the Celiac disease debacle was ruled out! Which means back to endocrinology again for Carcinoid/Neuroendocrine tumor evaluation/hunt… just like nearly 3 years ago when I asked for that referral myself for that highly suspect/fitting thing, after turning scientific papers and DDXs inside out trying to survive. It’s the only thing I’ve found that could explain the idiopathic anaphylaxis that worsens and is actually triggered by epinephrine. Even the new dental Epi reactions. Countless matches. That’s why endocrine did the PET scan in 2021, because they did later find high pancreatic polypeptide in my blood. But then the tTG/celiac elevation threw the Duke doctors into the clear error of Celiac. So close now, narrowing it down at least! And the doctors are listening at last. Grateful to say I also had a surprise genetics cancellation last Wednesday! It was initially in late August and I questioned if I could make it. Apparently this clinic orders their tests through the Invitae site which surprised me.  Wonder if we’ll ever figure out why my blood type is “impossible”/wrong based on my parent’s types? (Yes, my exdad is sadly my true biological father. B+ plus  O+ equals me, the A+ mutant. Bro is afraid of the needlestab so doesn’t know his type.) . First experience with sample collection from mouth swab instead of blood draw. Duke draws dozens of vials.   
    I tried to eat a few days ago after nothing for four extra nausea weeks. Ow. Brain badly wants food but the body rejects. I’m quite bad at this Human thing, I’m afraid. 
    My vitamin B12 is now skyrocketing without any supplements & inadequate nutrition, so yay for more clues.  And the cardiac MRI the other day saw that my GI arteries were “crimped”. Surprising that it even visualized so low. I now need a repeat ultrasound of that situation apparently the next appointment slot is next month. Always pleasantly surprised when unexpected answers arrive! And glad that repeatedly falling asleep (while headphone hearing PTX Christmas songs) in the MRI tunnel (when I was supposed to be holding my breath) didn’t ruin the imaging!
     
    Wish I could post the other mombirthday gifts and cake, but waiting as it reveals the renovated/decorated room, and I am unsure of whether the parent legal stuff is fully signed yet, so staying on the safe side (..and the restraining order + law enforcement custody of the weapons runs out tomorrow as well.)
     
    Meanwhile, baby walnut waffs:
     

    And a neighbor from our old life visited, I got very much excited and made a little party feast. Flaky pastry cheddar drenched baby quiches, roasted sweet potatoes, flatbread chips and cream cheese Italian dip, and a colony of cookies! Lemon oatmeal + ginger crisps. 

    my enthusiasm always outweighs my judgment…crash, cripple, crawl up, continue! 
     
    Very grateful my mom has for many years let me cook all the things. So therapeutic. Trying to learn better wheelchair setup methods & recipes now. I don’t really know what typical North Americans enjoy eating due to my hectic health and food allergy history. I need to study the eating habits of humans further. 
     
    *Run-on sentence timeline* Gluten & dairy free (non celiac, my mom thought it may help) for 2 years, then peanut free also (with negative peanut bloodwork, skin prick & assurances from allergist… then I almost suffocated in a six hour long anaphylactic reaction.. 30 minutes post- peanut ingestion) we resumed dairy, 1 more year passed then my mom started gluten again but only fermented/sourdough, 2.5 years passed and then I got Alpha-Gal tick bite mammalian product allergy-and as a biproduct I alone became gluten free again due to cross contamination (and only could eat around 10-15 raw ingredients. Made myself coconut milk from hull-on raw coconuts, ground raw rice for “flour” through a coffee grinder. )  2.5 years passed then I had outgrown both peanut and Alpha-Gal allergy and had negative labs, then about 2.5-3 years of getting to eat anything, then 2020 brought worsening illness with the whole “body rejecting all food, inability to digest, GI telescoping, bleeding intestines , SIBO, transient gastroparesis, idiopathic anaphylaxis and no hunger” era that I’m still in. 
     
    So grateful I can touch/cook all the foods safely now! Oh my gosh, glutenous flour is baking dream. Also so nice to not need to basically bolt mid-recipe when an angry/hungry person terrifyingly invades the personal space. A lot of years of that. And having the foods I was severely (even airborne) allergic to grabbed/waved over my head and the allergen-free foods/kitchen space. Trying not to be terrified of being in the kitchen with others. Or apologize excessively for being in the room. Or being afraid of cooking for others because of a very…selective? eater. I’m not as scared to bake for people as sugary stuffs were never rejected so much. 
    Progress! It’s unimaginably peaceful and safefeeling to exist now.
     
    Freshly learned a more comfy foot free sewing setup. My lapdesk has adjusty legs. Now I can use the wall as a back support and stretch out the legs and sew with nearly zero body movement! (Photo 2 is leather patcher feeling aptly neglected.)

    I’d been longing to make a leather bag and wallet for my mom for ages now. The opportunity arrived at the acquisition of a generous octogenarian’s leather jacket + some old blue swatches I had from a local market. Lining doesn’t match so well but it’s my mom’s favorite color and what I had. Kind of dubbing this a “flop” because imperfections, some of which were from limited materials. 
    Wow, these photos are dark, apologies 
     

     
    Leather patcher was too difficult for me to operate when this tired, and the leather was just thin enough to machine sew with an 18 needle. Basting because slippy. 
    Hammerable leather tape to stick together prior to sewing. Used to press open seams on bag as well.  Tis a bit challenging as the needle will gum up and jam if it punctures the tape. No energy to tangle with leather patcher and crying from spine pain, so I fashioned a makeshift mini awl from exacto knife &  needle for pre punching hand sewing holes. Hands were too weak to saddlestitch so I ran two lines of running stitches along it, and sewed decor embroidery to hide any messy stitches. Hand punched and sewn blanket stitching on bag top as it was too thick for regular machine there. Fun thing about leather is getting to hammer it instead of ironing as you would with fabric. Very blessed to be surrounded by people who do not hear or care if I’m hammering at 1-4 am. 

    18hrs on wallet,
    13hrs on bag.
    Slow..but I get there! 
     
     
    Grandchild of the lapdesk giver. No online image is 100% safe from my reference craving clutches…if either public domain or justified theft for art gifts…
    8x10”, 8.5hrs. Pencil, mechanical pencil + workable fixative. 

     
    Same size and supplies, 23hrs this time. My bro! Slow + scratchy, done post-party cooking crash. 
    Loved a good leafpile. forgot to crop this, oops!
     
     

    Fauna frolics at the forest fairy farmhouse:
    (May contain fragments of broken English FB broadcast-bother to a brother)
     
    • 13+ baby bears ruling the kingdom, many about about the leaning green barn:
    My mom is officially car chauffeuring caught groundhogs. And perhaps future-abandoning that method as they’ve figured out how to unlock the cage. Seducing them with strawberries! And cantaloupe rinds, wholesome fare for the adorable masterminds. Many mountainfolk here call them "whistle pigs” and eat their meat..we’ve opted to instead set ours free. The only form of whole animal cleaning I’ve done is baby octopus (for Takoyaki). 

     
    •Danger noodles are in no short supply:

    A mirthful neighbor even stopped to observe the dark character’s inexplicable reserve during its bath. 
     
    •Something was chirping melodiously in our chimney.
     
    •The wacky window woodpecker:

    I hit the bay window 12 ft from me, screaming and beating its wings on it again ….and I might have screamed too.
     
    Love these children. Need to make more fashions for them. Made a big ridiculous thing for them a few days ago. Soon to picture that happymess. Bandana bibs may have once been made for doggy stroller walk wear. 

     

     
    Better backlog the new, never know how many or few. 
     
    May your day be easy peasy, if you so please! Thanks again for dropping in! 


    (Also, sorry for nonsensical notes as is my normal now!)
    ( & for some reason it's throwing dupe images down here and I don't know how I managed to break my blog...my apologies..)

  13. Mushy the Mushroom

    Gobbles, Graphite and Gratitude!

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    still alive somehow!
    Oh how blessed to be blogging! Even for a slight scrap of an entry, for it feels as though it’s been a century. Six months have slipped by in this adventure, under six more and current content shall be censored no more. In light of upcoming bird-day, I simply couldn’t shy away!  
    Little, tired scrapbook styled cards. Drawn ink doodle original, then the printed b&w and filled with colored pencil. Only 4. Sewn on chicken feather.


     
    I haven’t a smidge of insight on what exactly this copper hollow object was originally. I found it in the crooked creekside green barn, naturally befriended it as a prospective pumpkin. 
    Sanded, Barkeeper’s Friend shiny scrub, sewing machine sewn stemish stuff.

     
    And might grab the low-light graphite scans! Well, actually some are photos because no scanner access then.
    Done in May during definitely the worst week of my life, in someone’s shadowy basement. Guilt inherent, couldn’t pay rent, nor could my parent, nor would any take it. So, “Art, must make it!”.
    Rushed art crushed my detailing ideals. I would say I’m ashamed, but hey, at this point I cannot believe we’re still at all sane. 
    9x12”
    1967 Chevelle, apparently. Thanks, Deputy. Seriously.

    Minis, 4x6’s
    Convenient when portraits are publicly hanging around houses. Reference from tablet photos of photographs. 

     
    From a weathered wallet size fauna photo set.
    Bear baby- I now see I scanned in in too-low res, will redo eventually.

     
    Deer- Looks like maybe too low quality scanned too? RIP if so, gave it to a helper.

     
    Owl- This one was actually done at pasthome in April. First discovery work of “I can sharpen the mechanical pencil graphite bit finer in an open regular pencil sharpener?!”   

    I completely forgot these existed until sorting out my costume and art trunk the other day. Is existential amnesia a thing? Six months, the number of our identities slumber. I’ve role-called in as the ragamuffin renovation & rat carcass removal robot, and given its continuation, it pervades my every thought. But the projects, to my ability, are vehemently vanishing. I can honestly say it's almost done and we somehow survived. I do apologize for the mandatory vagueness of all this, words are so powerless with no pictures to go with. Feebly, in disbelief, I’m rejoicing, starting to remember me, it feels so happy. Much more importantly to me, that same personhood phenomenon blazes in the eyes of someone who had absolutely lost her illusion of life. I truly like it, humanity. It’s beautiful, being alive. 
    And I give a great gratitude to this dear old site. The raffles/contests here have literally made my year. It always felt comforting to me, here. So often my circumstances have uncontrollably crashed, but here stands this little relic of a community, rather unchanged. Virtual hugs, dear life, and what is left of BZP. Thanks to thee!
    “ ‘Dear old world', she murmured, 'you are very lovely, and I am glad to be alive in you.’ ” — L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables.
  14. Mushy the Mushroom
    (I would like to preface this by apologizing if posting off-brand brick creations isn’t allowed. I am sorry if not. This is probably so wrong, but I’m afraid it would be bothersome to ask.)
    I rediscovered the old dungeon castle MB bricks while sorting through the childhood Lego tote. The MB’s had not been used in years, and so many miscellaneous things had migrated into that box. K'nex, random tools, rubbish, doodles of Toad, office supplies, and those utility building pieces from monopoly city that no one missed. This was the first time this box had ever been cleaned out/sorted. Dirt. ._.
    (The Mindstorms dog selfie booth inspired a re-attempt.)
     (These photos are terribly dated now that it’s December.)
     It’s certainly not the pastel Lego flower shop house I wanted to design for Poppy, but we had enough bricks and added fabric flowers.


     
    Test assembled it for size, it fell apart slightly, then reassembled it with Gorilla glue after the pictures. Also added a central bar in the windows for safety. The MB bricks are abnormally difficult to snap together. Knuckle skin was lost while trying to cram the thing together. Tools were deployed. People don’t like it when you’re hammering indoors at 3 am. 
    Oopssorry.
    Also, after I took the photos, someone informed me that those lovely red leaves were poison sumac. 
    Oops.
    So far, it hasn’t even crumbled upon Pops while she sleeps. 
    Additional useless photo of Pops when she was strongly disliking her new-old-pajama-dress and her new haircut:

    Hope you (and your pets) had a nice Thanksgiving if you celebrated!
  15. Mushy the Mushroom

    Koi, Cake and Holiday Makes

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    Life is balloons
    Greetings!
     
    My brother visited on his exact birthday, a merry, now rare, treat.
    Skyline Lemon Cheesecake, design haphazardly generated using what I could find about two hours before baking it. Based on his city. Engulfed in lemon butter-mint dough and brush painted with gel food coloring and charcoal powder. Used an X-acto to cut out the window lights and filled them with yellow. Two hours decorating time, but I feel like the colorful clouds resemble a toxic explosion a little more than a sunset. And the cream cheese frosting blob border...oh well.
    I wonder how he likes living in the clouds? Hard to believe he’s thirty-three floors up and hundreds of miles away. It’s easy to pretend people are still around, when one can mercilessly GIF text-spam them so they feel loved.

     
    Also created a butterfly Koi shirt, because there was his one Japan trip and I’m grasping for themes. It’s a struggle to concoct gift ideas, as his interests are so focused. Dear INTP people, what things do you fancy (besides Chess, coffee, computers and cats)? Is using MBTI as a gift-guide a flawed plan? Especially if one hasn't adequately studied it...and mostly likes the type character pictures?
     
    In light of barely completing the cheertime gifts last (…and each past) year, I decided to start in August and attempt to abandon all the other projects until they were finished. Timed the hours, a first for the gifties. I should be making cards instead of typing this right now. Might make some small neighb-ornaments and maybe dog-gifts if possible. I should be a good mush’ and wait until the end of the season, but my family doesn’t inhabit these regions…Bro, if you’re a silent sleuth in these lands, look away! 
     
    Hand painted AquaKoi shirt for my boy. I’d never made him any jersey knit/tee shirts before...Akin to neglect.
    4.5 hrs to paint + 3.5 hrs to cut/sew = 8 hrs.
    Another one, a Pagoda for Christmas.
    9.5 hrs to paint + 3.5 hrs to sew =13 hrs.
    Done with diluted acrylics, french seams and new pattern draft. Drew the designs on parchment paper first, then outlined and pressure  indented on the fabric using red thing. Painted on front panels prior to assembly, heat set with iron, then prewashed to prevent paint bleeds. French seams throughout and done with a lightning-bolt stitch to accommodate the stretch.
    Apparently forgot to crop that one collage photo. Oops.

     

    Yep, wrinkles. XD
     
    Belt-attachable leather phone case for my dad. Contact-glue parts and wet-lasted/hammered the front while clamping it onto a phone-sized block of wood. Sewed what I could with the Needle-Launching-Monster, cracked some needles, then awl punched the dampened veg tan seams and saddle stitched with dental floss-threaders. Velcro pads.
    8 hrs on this one.
    *Unsuccessful attempts to hide my callus art-hands from societal scrutiny while including for size reference*

     
    “What shall I make for Granny? What can be a new gift at 93(I think?)?
    To ask, or go with masks..?
    5 hours to cut/sew both. 
    Pencil plus diluted acrylics on the bunny, so extra 30 minutes for that.

     
    A messenger boho bag for my mom. Her linen ones made before are getting a tad threadbare and she’s too nice to say it. 
    First time using proper bag interfacing, last one was underlined with a trusty “sham-wow” towel.
    Used outer fabric from my dad’s old khakis, leather scrap lower reinforcements, and six-strand straps braided from suede cord. Designs done prior to assembly with washable marker, diluted acrylic, then heat set +prewashed.
    7 hrs to paint, 16.5 total with assembly. 

     
    And lastly, leetle lighthouses! 
    My lighthouse-loving grandma once mentioned unsuccessfully searching for some mini ornaments of them.
    A few years lagging, *lightbulb*, a set could perhaps be done in felt?
    Seed beads, blanket stitch and sequins. 
    21.5 hrs total. 

     

    Newly learned that a plastic shower curtain placed over a white cotton sheet makes for a less linty large backdrop?
    Guess that chips out 64.5 assembly hours. Slow, but I get there...?
     
    Off to sprinkle some oldish stuff on top.
    My mom informed me that someone on Nextdoor needed Halloween fairy wings and couldn’t find any at the store. And it's somehow thrilling to heedlessly drop everything, when you really shouldn't , and try to create for people if the chance arises? This has gotten me into a lot of trouble, yet, again, off we go!? Someone please stop me Yay! Tried to make a quick pair from jewelry wire braided around rope string, spray adhesive, a cellophane roll, clear plastic fabric, ribbon, elastic lace straps and jewels.
    Too bad there’s no “It’s three in the morning and we’re out of garage glue” hotline. The pink tint is from the drywall spray adhesive, it was the only can in the store. 
    The fairy who initially needed the wings had already found some, so they ended up going to a nice Nextdoor grandma instead. She had a teddy bear buckled up and riding in the back of her car. Like a boss. 

    Being a temporary fairy was far funner than I expected. Hard not to frolic.
     
    Junkbot 
    A tad ago a kind member of the BZPower discord (TuragaNuva) related the origins of the server’s :trashbot: emoji (https://en.brickimedia.org/wiki/Junkbot#:~:text=Junkbot%20is%20a%20LEGO%20robot,descend%20to%20a%20different%20area ) 
    Unbridled adoration for the creature spawned a trash-quality photo collage of making him. + [unofficial] baby sister Bowbot. 
     

     
    I wish he were an official emoticon here. 
     
    Dalu, oldish, but might as well invite her too, for organization. Also forgot to pose her with size-ref-friends. Tutorial

    She turned out taller than the reference Dalu set, because I forgot and sewed the head without torso overhang.
    Guess I’m retrying LEGO projects done poorly in prior years?
    -Me, Gluey, Sharpie-stained stiff felt Jala topic *Places a rose on unmarked grave and retakes photos*
    spamdom stuff
    When you’re gifted an ornament but no quickthankscard ideas erupt:

    When you have a delightful dream that your dear old bear plush, Mum, is “More than just a bear ( and is exceedingly special)” and that prospect stays in mind the entire afternoon.

    When the ‘Scov’es get a grain-cut and ferociously bite the feet whilst one is swinging. (I’ve unintentionally stubbed the poor boys, yet they tarry on with those tiny fictitious teeth.)
    My mom esteems the birds unsightly.
    I think their cherry-red-caruncle masks look mighty. 
    What are your opinions on the Muscovy complexion? 

    [tensely-waiting-an-hour-for-Dr.-to-join-Zoom-visit moth, hoped she’d munch the wait away]]
     

     
    May your winterdays be far from gray, happy holidays!
     
  16. Mushy the Mushroom

    Maybe a human-sized bird nest...

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    behold the bush babies
    Hatched another wildly random idea...
    A human-sized Robin's egg bird nest bed/lounge chair.
    It's made of foam crib mattresses, sheets, poly-fill, offensively-strong glue, paint and elastic.
    Because I have always wanted one of these....since this idea popped into my head two months ago.
    ..Can I use the excuse that Porg demanded it?


     You can make one too, if you want. I've made photo instructions on Flickr. For some reason it shows the last steps in the album first, but they're numbered. (I hope it's okay to link to this, I'm still scared of breaking the linked content rules. I"m sorry if not.. I was going to directly link to the photos, but there were like 21 steps and I was lazy.
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/189713610@N04/albums/72157715698039033
    ...I suppose I see a blog as a magical place to post random art content, instead of using it to actually write anything useful or intelligent....words simply have never been my thing. SO YAY PICTURES.

  17. Mushy the Mushroom
    Hello! Painted this little Totoro in a cartoon style a long while ago (fall?), a style I never do so feels wrong, but wanted a laminated cover for password book. The printer didn’t do so well, but I’m too chicken to laminate the original. I think I used pen too? Can't remember.

    That’s Porg, up there.
     
    Some last-minute ornament friends for my dad’s coworkers. Wonderfully fun waiting room hand-amusement. 3hrs to make each.

    And one for a neighbor + thanku cards from an older (July 2021?) 9x12 pencil. 4.5hrs for 8 cards. 
     
     


    Made a mush! Now I mustn’t wait for yard ones to sprout up. It simply never occurred to me before. Acrylic felt, stuffed with felt in the top, cotton scraps in the body, and I couldn’t find my dad’s steel BBs, so I used an old cabinet knob for a weight. A firm weeble-wobble body, perhaps?  Embroidery floss French knot details, felt face, embroidery body details. Blanket stitch arms. Head and arms attached with embroidery floss “joint” loops, which allow the head and arms to rotate and pose. 6.5hrs for Mush assembly, not sure about the outfit.


    (Real mush was reference/inspiration).
    Low effort from basement lace. Elastic layer skirt and separate beaded top. Tie straps are from braided gold thread and embroidery floss. Belt from beads from a different grandma. Branch wand from more of those + wire. Flowers were premade, then looped into a crown. 

     
     



    Me grandmither gifted this wee ceramic cottage to me. I think she made it, her basement is still filled with molds, unfinished figures, porcelain doll handmade heads, and the old kiln.
    Fabric field and tissue paper sky. Poly-fill pasted clouds. Harvested my foam baby butterflies off the pumpkin. It still hasn’t gone rotten yet. We are a tad frightened.
    Mushy’s Monarch Madness -Stopmotion.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usFFbPEYarM
     

    Made some garland for a *certain something* I’ll show below. And added straps to this bag also.  I was trying to finish it on pre- procedure night, but that did not happen. Pink peonies, pale Anemones, yellow Lisianthus, and gold billy buttons. Flowers from stretch lace, non stretch lace, peony centers from leather and a linen-wrapped wooden bead. Yo-yo mom’s-prom-dress lame for billy buttons. Greenery made by chain stitching two shades of green yarn into a freakishly long rope, doubling it over, then finger-chain stitching it together. Lace leaves tied in, flower wires wrapped to attach. Loosely used these instructions, if you want to plant some too!: https://somethingturquoise.com/?s=Felt+flowers

    Was kindly gifted some grandma’s basement baskets. And a dinosaur head from my dad. XD A photo/stopmotion prop now? 
     
    My mom tried some fancy knitting stitch piece panels. The deer are Fair Isle and this diagonal one. She let me transform into bear wear. And she made this knit “star” but she donated it for turning into a Child collar. Added beads and string tassels.


    Bear wear! My mom asked for a hat and scarf design. Thought process: EWOK BEAR with TOES (claws?)

     
    Her heartfelt handiwork, made in Hoboken Honey yarn. I can never repay her. Pom poms are hard. She made a matching set for Shasta! (I only added the wooden bead toes and tag.)

    Coincidentally, she informed me I needed a new coat around the same time. I don’t like getting premade clothes, it takes my fun out of it and I like to dress weirdly (24/7 skirt and dress obsession-by choice. My mom scorns wearing dresses herself, haha.) But, it also seems wrong to make things for myself and not someone else..even if that someone is a doll. XD. But if she threatens to buy me a store bought outfit, I must indulge! The Khaki+clothesline coat. 42.5 hours for drafting and assembly combined. Had to do a new pattern, because the last one was a bit “off”, on non-transparent paper & lacked notch and seam allowance details. New one on parchment, cut the panels big and sized down, tried on and drafted while I went. My dad’s Khakis -Not because I couldn’t afford fabric, but because using rejects fills me with glee. Two pairs for the outer, one for the inner lining facings. Lining from grandma’s basement satin, underlined/thickened with two layers of old sheets. Hand basted then Interlined for warmth with this old fleece “snuggie” (the famous backwards robe without closures). Hand catch stitched the seam allowances open. Hand top stitch accents done in charcoal Tex 70 upholstery thread in running stitches. 


    POCKETSES


    My first closure idea: That I had to cut off…after I remembered the backpack I made with straps from this cord. It bestowed permanent stains/bleeds from the dark dye.

    So, I made these loops from an old clothesline and khaki strips. Triple tower of buttons to cradle the loops. 


    Convertible collar- Draft reference: https://www.clothingpatterns101.com/convertible-collar.html
    Then I thought about bears wearing tutus and had to follow through…13 hrs. 
    Twirl-fullness stretch lace overskirt made from alternating swatches of “coral dream” from the factory shutdown- this too, is what I used for the flower garland. Alternating lower hem for length and to avoid stripe matching. Handsewn backstitch elastic waistband to prevent machine-munching. Satin underskirt is leftover basement loot from jacket lining. Lace accent hems and French seams on each. 

    *tutu twirling mandatory*
     
    Do you ever bake a bit-batch of cookies to cover your face? Or trudge to the shed side in 30 degree temps after being up all night to chase the sun?
    Or shove a straight-off-the-pinestraw, probably parasitic bird nest into your scarf?

    *has zero explaination besides #ForeverAwkward, needs a model sister*
     

     
    Really messed up my wall with this fence.
    Ridiculous, but life is too delicious to be adorned in attire one doesn’t adore (if you please, that is!). Storybook style, why not? I have an unhealthy lack of fear for peer pressure.
    POV:  Falling wayward on wobbly brace-less legs. 

    What the garden garland is for:
    …My sweet ride. The cheery chariot…A flower cart? Yes. Mine. Not the hospital’s, not borrowed. Shame, insecurity, yet glorious freedom. Got a prescription, but it was taking too long, so this one’s from Amazon. The initial order got lost for weeks, due to holiday shipping..but they then sent one for free, “for the trouble”!? The greatest New Years’ gift I never expected to need. (I am grateful for Tylenol, I was writhing in tears without it a year ago, and I can walk and stand with boned-braces, but meager distances and durations. Untreated severe arthritis pain and weakness via whatever disease.)


     
    Mostly for going shopping/etc, but I’m couchstuck more lately, and been trying it with sewing. I can roll between tables, zip between machines and sit upright without flopping face down at the table every five minutes. Yay! Only tried it in two stores so far. It’s hard to figure out how to unfold the thing from the car. I finally get to use the old rollerskating wrist braces I wasn't ever able to before..as wheeling wrist reinforcements! I apparently went way too fast and was reminded that shortness of breath can be achieved without standing up, haha.  Nobody stared, which was surprising. Thanks, kind peoples! It’s a bit easier to blend when you’re lower than the rest of the world. For that I am thankful, as I ordinarily try to hide from humans under my hats, behind shelves, my family, and dogs.  Removed the unwanted MEDLINE stickers, added webbing accents and lace wheel caps, ribbon, the garden garland, hybrid bag, and covered the back label with crochet square. I am one happy pseudograndma.
    "Hold everything tightly with an open hand"
    -Unknown.
    'Tis all a gift.
     
    Bonus: My grandma, bless her, none of us know how she crams her possessions about so efficiently. She gifted my mom two giant boxes of old yarn in every color. 
    My mom completed these happy-go-lucky-green leg warmers yesterday! Moms rock.  Seven year old me is green-joy-screaming. Green was the only favorite color I ever decided on, probably because I was chronically climbing trees. Now every color is my fancy! What’s yours?

    I have more content but better not rudely crash the blogs with images, haha.

     
    Recent renditions of medical happenings without context/the past months of craziness (if I ever get a diagnosis I’ll fill in the gaps and dump it on the internet for fun somewhere, haha).
    The hospital keeps approving 100% medical financial aid. I am not worthy, they have been most pleasant to this peasant! ;_; <3
    Few weeks ago: SIBO breath test: Positive. “Insurance saved you 2,380+ dollars on this medication”
    Return visit to Endo: *Terror in doctor’s eyes as she gives repeat urgent referral to rheumatology and pushes GI and Neurology* Her Notes: “Can’t wait much longer”.
    Me: *wakes up from whatever random soft spot where I fell asleep at around 4:30 PM on January 3rd. Crawls upstairs*
    *My mom excitedly shouts from below that she got a next-day snow-scare cancellation slot for that more complex GI procedure repeat (she was calling three times/day) of the one that failed in September…and was rescheduled in April*.I didn’t believe it. We departed at 6 am on icy roads, I was suited up with the Pillcam receiver belt and monitor bag, and was under full anesthesia at 10 am, got a deeper EGD with repeat biopsy and endoscopically deployed Pillcam. I awoke sometime later coughing violently and a sore throat that I later discovered was mildly gouged and bleeding.I remember a nurse telling me not to get my neck caught in the hospital bed bars. This was the most difficult awakening from anesthesia so far, we all know I am becoming weaker. Wheelchair ride to the car. I was given instructions to not lie down, sleep or eat until the recording was over (since a camera had been placed into my GI tract these things would affect digestion rate). I didn’t tell them I’d been up since 4:30 the prior evening, there was nothing they could do, haha. So I staggered around the house l until 8pm when the recording was complete, and my mom returned the belt gear the following day.
    They actually found something. Multiple somethings. It didn't fail this time.
    *Seven days later*
    ER adventures. I think I know all the staff there now. They rock, but get that terrified of “oh gosh, we don’t know how to help her” look when I walk in. I feel bad about it. The following is brief, heavily edited, pasted summary of the ER event message I sent to doctors: 
    “On 1/11/2021 at 2:00 am, I began getting extremely itchy chin/jaw hives, my chronic dry facial flushing got redder, and my chin started swelling. Hadn’t ingested food in hours. Symptoms gradually got worse. At 8:30 am, the swelling worsened, my throat became sore and tight/constricted, and my voice got hoarse/crackly.  I arrived at the ER at 9:00 am and was later given a Benadryl IV and nebulized medicine, as I cannot tolerate Prednisone or Epi anymore. I became unable to move, feel my body, or speak a moment after the Benadryl IV.  I tried to talk and the words came out as slurred mumbles. They then administered the nebulizer meds. After a few hours I became conscious and able to move/talk again, and was discharged. My limbs were still numb walking out, then my body went completely limp/numb and I collapsed in the exit foyer. Someone lifted me into a wheelchair, we stayed in the waiting room for about 20 more minutes, then used a wheelchair to get to our car and went home. My hands are still numb/have decreased sensation.
No past adverse reactions to Benadryl. 
I did not/cannot use my Epi-pen, as it worsened the unexplained anaphylaxis/type reaction in November 2020, and since in December 2020 the local dental anesthesia Epi caused me to convulse, provoked severe dry facial flushing, gasping/throat constriction, and I momentarily collapsed.  Epi always stopped my anaphylactic food reactions in the years when I had food allergies, so this is quite odd. I no longer have any food allergies. This is my second episode of unexplained anaphylaxis/type reaction since I became very systematically ill in 2020. My allergist also ruled out mast-cell reactions with a h1/h2 trial.
    I am so glad this happened. Why? Some doctors… they sometimes try to withhold information when they are unable to solve “Zebra” cases. I’ve had to repeatedly dig up my own imaging and lab results and push for things they…neglected to tell me about. This ER trip, coupled with being forced to confront unmentioned, potentially serious medical issues found in the one-week-prior EDG + capsule imaging reports convinced my GI doctor to order a needed, even more complex investigatory procedure. What a timely ER trip, something that I will give thanks for all my days! This one’s scheduled in late June, or maybe, if there is a cancellation, sometime soon. (I do feel bad though, my mom worries and I just blind trust.)  I do not mind either way, I have my year planned out, haha. It’s been awesome so far! Last year I didn’t even have a primary care doctor!  Wishing worlds of well to any all who actually read this far. Hope it brought some amusement, haha?
    Thanks all, that's all. May your day be extraordinary!
    Also It's snowing here, right now! And this splendid occasion is something to celebrate! and, here's a picture of a puppy. It's from the card pack that I stole the pre-made envelopes from. I love him far more than I should.

     
     
     
  18. Mushy the Mushroom
    Or maybe blocks of wood turned into my feet. 

    After three years of making inferior-quality fabric shoes (with some slippers, some flat shoes, and ballet slippers being the only not-absolutely-weird-looking exceptions)  the realization that a shoe last is a necessary thing has soaked in...Thanks to the discovery of some new, enthralling shoemaking tutorials on Youtube!
    Apparently one needs a last before they can make leather shoes. I couldn’t find a wooden shoe last in my size anywhere online, so I tried a thing..a crazy thing...a “This is so not going to work, but I can always burn the evidence once it disastrously fails!” thing.
    So I glued scraps of free-roaming garage wood together and started chopping.
    Then Dremel sawing, measuring, obsessively comparing the block to my foot, Dremel sanding, measuring again, and then trying to replicate the same shape on the other last.
    Treated them with paste wax after taking the photos, so they’re a bit shiner now. The weird dark spots are where I accidentally roasted the wood with the Dremel.
     

     
    I’ll probably have to add some type of ferrule in the top of each last. Decided not to make steel sole plates for now, because my parents found an antique, cast-iron sole last in an old barn at my grandmother's house. It’s made for nailing the leather down during lasting, I think..(?)...That’s what I'll try to use it for, anyway. Here’s a stock photo of it, because it is currently bathing in vinegar to remove the rust. 

    Also recently got my Needle-Launching-Monster (China Leather Shoe Patcher, hand-crank sewing machine) to work properly. It’s been my non-functioning roommate since February. It’s only working now thanks to resources found in a Facebook group...And some electrical tape, until I can get one part sodered/welded. Just made a little leather pup charm on it for now, as I’m out of leather and the local market is still closed..(not a good excuse, just haven’t gotten around to it).
     
    So, yeah.. I suppose it’s time to get some cork, shanks, a skive knife, tiny nails and stuff to begin this adventure… Also, there are different shapes of shoe lasts for various shoe styles, but I just made a random, basic replica of my feet (+one cm in length, the last is supposed to be slightly longer than the foot).. .ihavenoideawhatimdoing…..I’m really just thankful to have unlimited access to an overwhelming amount of tools…especially MAGICAL POWER TOOLS. Those are fun. My dad’s kind of a hoarder collector. What’s also fun is unintentionally frightening mail delivery people when using the power tools on the wooden feet outside. That FedEx dude was rather shaken.
     
    Wow, this was uncharacteristically long, sorry.
    Also sorry if this entry has too many pictures, I wasn't sure if there was a limit.
     
    Anyone else on here into shoemaking or leatherworking? 
  19. Mushy the Mushroom
    (So, it seems as though blogging is allowed for all users now….If the rumors are true….My apologies for trying this if it is actually not permitted...)
     
    This was the result of a random idea and illness-induced sleep deprivation. Very messy due to limited bricks. I haven’t watched “My Neighbor Totoro” in years, but this scene really seemed fun to build. I must admit, I am very disappointed in myself for forgetting to make the black umbrella to hang on the sign....frantically ran outside to take photos...While laying In the middle of our street….at dusk. Thanks to the help of my mom, none of our neighbors ran me over. But a flip-flop was harmed in the making of these photographs.
    Topic: http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/29628-my-lego-totoro-bus-stop-scene/
     

     
     
     
     
  20. Mushy the Mushroom
    Okay, October Oldish Occasions!  Wow! What an existence this beautiful spiral of life is. I guess this is a hello, life update and hopeful return to this lovely internet homey. Trying to see if easier for me to upload embed IG content instead of resizing.  Which made me weirdly more okay with being more goofy on IG posting with main goal of it being for BZP blogging and likely only seen by around 3 humans, haha. 
    October art first, blobbyblogbog below it!
    The doll obsession did indeed overtake my October!
     
    WELL FAIL
    on me figuring out embedding.
    So Ugly links..
    So sorry.
    Does anyone know how?
    to please help?
    if it's possible?
    Me as a tree baby. I was eating the dirt from the rosemary tree planter!? And absolutely enjoying it! Baby Me cravings. Sneaking it repeatedly. Guessing that was a missed nutritional deficiency given my genetic glory. 8.5hrs. Small photo size, mechanical pencil, art fixative, watercolor paper. Done on clipboard while battling my broken body. 🤒🫠 Little gift for my mom. 💚
    First attempt at hammering/murdering 😭 flowers for dyed fabric, not yet sure what to do with this, but, yay Pinterest! I staggered outside waaay back in September to get these, thus shattering me. 😆 I haven’t been outside since aside from in and out for a few car rides. (Edit: now going to make flag decor for the dining room/my new little- soon-to-show-cooknook for this!)
    did I already post this here, haha?
    Culinary crafts! Older content. Spice crumb cake in my misfit sized cake pan stack. Chocolate chip coconut oil muffs with walnut & choc on top. Spice and sweet potato sweet squares, walnut chocolate pastry pods + brekkie granola rounds. Cheddar cheese petite pizzas, I was thrilled to figure out they fit in coffee cans for freezer storage. Olives feel luxurious. Light and fluffy butter loaves (actually oil because $) that were altered from a Texas Roadhouse roll recipe and this a bit stubby. Horizontal slicing to the rescue & flash frozen on trays as always. Grateful to have grabbed our four lovely loaf pans when we left. Oven Naan breads, a fan of the King’s (KAF brand) recipes I am!
    Random barely conscious to be honest foodprep and bakes for my mom’s meals. Also, a few “flops”-attempts at making recipes my body didn’t reject absolutely. Some were yum but not very pretty! I Apologize for your eyes. 🙈 Bakes on the treat trolley for fieldwork and fire starting family friends. Choc walnut for my mom, made sugarsub/free cheesecake for broken pancreas me! Peanut butter frosted nutter bars + gingersnap brownies for my mom. Weird colorful vegetable dishes everywhere because trying to for-dr document the diet and hopefully figure out what things are helping/making me more sick after years of starving and medical complexity. Figuring out wheelchair cooking wasn’t somthing I expected to be so complex. (This was prior to the past few months of my major kitchen rearranging. The goal was to make it wheelchair accessible with the free barn and basement supplies I could find amid major illness stupor/cooking, eating, then trying to survive symptoms afterwards.😂) *THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTENT HERE: Pic with my adorable tiny baby Alice-in-wonderland“dessert” spoon from the new set my mom ordered upon my dream request. She’s the best ❤️
    When your mom’s work gently demands a family photo and you initially are repelled, then realize it’s a great opportunity for family photos… AKA to let your happy weirdo show (?girl autism? Some day…we shall officially know!?)Life’s too short and sweet for taking oneself too seriously, according to me at least! …Sorry Mom and thanks for going along. 😆🌻 Featuring my mom’s green grandchildren, and all the normalness of our existence. Doll clothes, some of the human clothes, and wreaths concocted by me. Bee costume for another doll longago, yellow bloom circa 2021. Foam sheet Sunshine sign for pretending this thing was by design. I think these were in September or October, my brain is a bit of a shell from being this unwell. Regretting not going fully faceless on these because I prefer hiding behind my alien children 💚😂.
     
    (Wrote it bit ago/old info, but actually wore this for the 3rd total time today for a dr apt!) Wish I’d gone faceless- oh well, still surviving and smiling is a celebration!? Saltwater Taffy Striped Sweater! Which prompted plush phamily photos, of course! 😆 💕My mom’s weave work! Indescribable gratitude💕She just finished it, started the knit in spring 2022 for me! Shocking it fits, I’ve lost 30lbs since due to severe sickness. (Hoping such photos won’t highlight my facial skinniness🫣. if I’m honest I was fighting my own body for 4hrs on the floor after food ingestion on the day I photographed this. Typically it’s only a daily two hour post meal mess, now thankfully (desperate experimentation with my already owned Medication ). Trusting there is some higher purpose to this) Skirts and rose headband made by me prior, fur vest was a gift, glasses are just blue shades. Ballet shoes from a brief period of life when I was pre-diagnosed and tried excitedly to live, walk and move normally. Great for wheelchair use since not much need for sturdy shoes 😂. Shasta (boy baby Yoda)’s jacket selfdrafted & made by me for 18” dolls long ago, his deer sweater knit by my mom for another plush, and his tiny pseudo hat a random crochet by me. His corduroy shirt is actually a little sack bag, a gift from my mom’s coworker! Luna (girl baby Yoda)’s ballet inspired outfit is more 18” outfit stuff I made long ago. Grateful for unexpected fit!Mum (more than just a bear)’s styling my babyhood burgundy #winniethepooh dress, my childhood necklace + turtle bracelet + a ballet “bun cover” bought longago but taken for doll hats instead. Mum’s cape is actually a ballet skirt by me. #Toadstool stool a repaint by me. My new pink room has made me incredibly happy..even if I barely go up there due to being an ambulatory user of my wheelchair! PS I really wanted to make red dino & fancy ballerina costumes for my children to go with this, but don’t want to waste my tiny bit of energy on stuff for me. Update; Have worn outfit 1 total times when flung from my fungi forest for physical sig’ needs for social security. Hard to justify the “fancy” of it when 1 messy and forgetful homehobbit!
    Candy corn caricatures of my mom and I from the glory of random craft trash, discount Go Grocery Avocado hot sauce bottles,their random black bags as a backdrop, and electric tape eyes. Salt lamp gift from family friends 🧡 The heights are accurate when I’m wheeling, haha.
    My magnificent mom went along with morning-baked cookie delivery for friends and family. I tried to ride along for delivery, an almost unheard of thing for me to leave the mushroom kingdom at all , but nobody was home and I physically crashed too soon. My mom made the many treat taxi trips the next noon for me, for I can never repay she!
    @SPIRIT!!! May I tag to thank you overexcitedly with many virtual dance-a-happy? If not wanting to be involved in my weirdness I'll remove this! Thank you again for your genius! Every few-and-far-between human who enters the home sees it first thing and happiness it brings! EDIT:added the most important pic with their paper thank u sign sorry it’s shadowy/sunny bleached a bit hahaha
     
    The Woodermelon! Brilliantly named by a kind internet citizen upon viewing the original nameless creation. Many thanks to them and I must soon share with them. It has a baby now too thanks to more tree cutting, haha! My mom also finally finished putting buttons on the back of Baby Yoda’s sweater she made also two years ago! 

     
     
    Already posted on BZP but oh well, IG transfers! Small kitten of a forum friend! Thanks for allowing sharing! 5x7 from July 2023. I have lost so much memory so my own art is now surprising me, haha. 17hrs- was very slow and distracted this time and am so sorry for its resulting scratchiness! Honoring noble Bob. Pencil, mechanical pencil, and art fixative spray.
     
    Apologies if unwated tagging here-can remove happily if any of ye request!
    Shoutout to BZP bro @Bambifor remembering BZP birthday best wishes while I was barely alive! Thanks again! Coda (Anatolian Shepherd) 8x10” finished in September. 17.5hrs (mid medical episode art so snailstyle 😂). Pencil, mech’ pencil on watercolor paper. Thanks bunches to @otterfor allowing sharing (and for not minding lack of permission to pencil the pretty pet!).
    (I am trying very hard to remember which of these drawings I’ve already posted, so sorry I’m repeat posting from the edit-illnes-rabbit hole haha. Also for accidental screenshot in swipes. 🙈) “Graphite bites!” Things from my mind while fighting body for dear life -because clipboard power haha (and questioning my power to finish anything in such hours) 3x3 watercolor + mechanical pencil drawing. 5hrs. Birthday (fancy pilot?) cat for my bro shipped off in a before-made birthday bonsai box with sausage and squiddies because why not! ❤️ Cannot for the life of me keep up with where he’s living, so shoutout to him for tolerating 20 accidental sends of a creepy questioning GIF. 😂
    “Graphite bites!” Bunny Snow for Mom! 3x3 watercolor + mechanical pencil drawing. 5.5 hrs. Accidentally was eaten by a origami paper and paint-chip turkey for a tiny thanksgiving gift! And finally an opportunity a pop a petite present out too, a prior made Birdy ornament inspired by her on thanks-day morn ❤️And just of me trying to wrap stuff from the trunk of thingies I collect randomly amid struggling at self propelling on a weak wheel day. 😂
     
    Sorting content in an attempt to awaken from the amnesia of the past six month sick-stupor. Today is a good day, the best since another ER trip a few weeks ago (I have officially lost count of the ER trips I’ve made for new changing different issues over my life haha..and keep all my medical bracelets in a garland chain because in all things there can be beauty 😂)I give thanks {..} and send sunshine your way, sorry for spamming and thanks for tolerating me all 3 of you here. 😂❤️Big little things that made bleak days blessings back in fall ❤️ Our new aunt Jane’s kindness is too vast to explain. Bedding! Girl bedding, that unplanned matched my new room perfectly like all my childhood magazine dreams! (Hi from Mr. Mooseykins..yes that’s what I named him 😂) And her sweet seasonal sewing send overs. And a lilac rose from family friends certainly delighted my alien children! I have a problem with turning everything into hats, but perhaps there’s no harm in that? Oh, and my new NON-prescription mobility aid from mom’s store for when I journey to the top of the stairs on occasions rare! Tiny lantern to avoid insomniac wheelchair crashes haha. And my dream -doll size spoons that I daily use (?autism thing?)! Thanks to mom supporting splendid strangeness of my highly specific dream request. And ER fun in October. Those bed poles will forever be lowly worm.

    So missed it here since a lifetime ago in September!
    When somehow my everyday existence became a blur as I survived full blown falling into a rabbit hole without medical care (yet tons of prestigious doctors at Duke-who abandoned my case, ignored every near death plea for advice, said go to an ER-where the Mission hospital ER would discharge me, EDIT FEB 20 I just Google that place and found this hahaha (:https://wlos.com/news/local/mission-hospital-ncdhhs-report-details-patient-deaths-injuries-delays-care-asheville-health-centers-medicare-medicaid-immediate-jeopardy) still paralyzed and look at my limp body like I was lazy/wasting their resources and send a 7,000 bill that my cashier mom would try to pay ) and tried to retain consciousness in ER situations on a daily basis. Looking back at these months, it’s a miracle I’m alive. And my mom hasn’t absolutely lost her mind witnessing this. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it to 2024, I don’t think anyone did. I basically had accepted after the Jan 15 2023 stroke that I was unofficially on Hospice stuck on our couch and trying to make the best of it. In July I was tired of this, years of starving yet surviving due to my complex sickness. I decided to eat. Instead of controlling my symptoms by starving and waiting on Dulke diagnostic aid. I underestimated how severe the results of this would be, and am pretty amazed by the years of function prior achieved by miserable starving to control my diseases.  
    Not that getting in like 400-600 calories a day was much more than starving. Along with the daily 4hrs of fluid loss, writhing, hyperglycemia and that stranded me in a certain room that began to feel like a prison cell exactly 1hr after I dared bite into some delicious broth, vegetables, meat-or anything. 
    I was chugging two 2 liter bottles of electrolytes within an hour on the floor writhing…while my glucose was over 200 on no carbs while the fluid loss, LUQ pain, face flushing, etc raged. Every single day. An hour after eating, precisely-waiting to pounce on me. Clipboard art and crafts to cope while turning on The Frey Life videos on a shattered phone via YT. Wondering how other people live. Realizing how horrifying my own quality of life has been for years. Hoping to gain some insight on how human beings in a safe home life/environment on a daily basis live. What it even means to have a family support system. 
    There is a lot I don’t remember. There was a lot of lying on the floor, feeling possessed by some raging pain monster. Lots of being so weak I was barely managing to propel my wheelchair home alone. But not like anyone was there to help-my mom had to work or we’d both starve without having any social/family/medical support aid.
     
    In like, September, on a week so weak I was wondering if it was my last,  I rolled to the med drawer and grabbed my discontinued use Plaquenil for my UCTD, Undifferentiated connective tissue disease. 
    I started taking x4 the dose, 800mg. Have you ever been desperate to live? The daily GI fluid loss was cut to 2hrs daily instead of 4. My glucose wasn’t as bad. I told my good Duke rheumatologist and since then I've been prescribed 400 mg daily. The few  pubmed articles  I glanced at later support my positive experience with trying this- if I do have some form of endocrinology/cancer disease. 
     
    The horrors persisted, but more manageably. In October I got very excited and blasted Christmas music, decided to undertake doing a “real Christmas” this year in our new 101yr old family home! Because 2023 was the year of “home/life setup/seasonal decor totes/wow, normal moms have these things but mine never could”. So I started planning the holiday decor designs and working away on turning our old ornaments and junk in our Christmas trunk into things matching and new. I did a lot of ornament painting via the bathroom floor, (I have zero personal pride at admitting this, it kept me alive in such hours while unable to get ongoing medical care). . 
    My mom was trying to get me applied for Medicaid whilst the free-till won disability/SSI lawyer was still trying to prove I was incapable of surviving myself and needed SSI probably forever given Ehlers Danlos alone. My mom first applied me in mid 2022. My insurance ran out in January 2024 and my mom likely couldn’t afford to add me on hers at work. So we waited. I’ve been on Duke full financial aid for years, but also parent insurance deductible payment stuff and ER bills on them/now just Mom.
     
    Mom-She finally got legally divorced in October ‘23, so grateful. What a wreck.  Exdad still won’t sign over the retirement bit, or her mom’s inheritance car to her so it’s a nice lawn ornament, haha. The car on which he canceled the insurance on in late July-stopping us from driving legally, forcing her to buy a new old car,  stopping my mom from renewing its insurance it not having the title of it,  & stopping getting med help for me for the new daily ER fluid loss emergency. He didn’t know this stranded me into a life threatening crisis. He didn’t/doesn’t know this. I shudder at the scales of justice, so thankful to have survived it. So strange to me that someone like him would be sent a disabled child-He so often cruelly said to people “Did your parents have any kids who survived to adulthood? Bet they regret that!”...I have somehow, thankfully been one such personage surviving so far to this age, in spite of every arrow aimed at me. And found out in such situations there are endless ways to be personally happy-It’s an inside job! . I’m not even surprised any of this was done. Weird how you can see so much sadness it becomes easy not to even react.Anyway, sorry, hope it doesn’t sound angry- I’m not,  just the unfortunate events in a chronologically current recording.
    Takin' a drive, I was an ideal
    Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real
    Just something you paid for
    What was I made for?
     Some day those legal papers will come, perhaps, but tisn’t exactly pressing. Each time anything moved on the legal stuff it was a backwards breakdown stress spiral for my mom. I am grateful to say these horrors are now over, and things are much better!  Now we can happily go on living, as if certain people in life don’t exist, without being every sec’ reminded of it, each conversation being about it,  and go on enjoying that things are at last settled, safe and right. (EDIT: MID FEB ‘24: Car paperwork at last acquired, mom sold the sabotaged lawn ornament at last! Insurmountable gratitude!)
    Medically, nothing was changing except one day I got super hungry, ate a lot of walnuts instead of the just like 500 cal daily meal that nearly killed me. My throat closed and the extra bad face flushing again. The Epi-triggered and resistant “anaphylaxis” again. The whole suspect Carcinoid Crisis again. Since 2020 that ugly thing. ER at Mission hospital, 6 am. Oct 16th. I made medical info cards a week prior because I’m tired of trying to explain my diagnoses. This thing is effective (RIP privacy when sickness shreds the remaining “dignity”. I now have 3 laminated and take to appts. the dysautonomia diagnosis new since September tilt table test. ). . I told my mom to ask for Octreotide. My mom mistakenly thought my allergist had suggested this, told them so . He did not. This was my own research. I could barely breathe much less tell them this. They gave octreotide and my airways opened up. I went home. Allergist appt to rerun allergen labs to be sure, like 1 lab order from my annoyed primary care doctor for the fluid loss. Still not allergy or high Tryptase.

    So my good allergist (guy who found my tick bite Alpha Gal allergy saving my life so long ago), was like “yeah, still looks like carcinoid/a net tumor, especially given this, smart move on the Octreotide!” haha.  So I contacted him later and my good rheumatologist for Duke and UNC GI cancer and new repeat endocrinology referrals for carcinoid/NET tumor/Possible diabetic condition. And UNC approved my mom’s full financial aid application for me! So since I’ve waiting on those to get scheduled some day, a new GI doctor appt at Duke in April (I had to fire the one Duke  GI lady who left me to pretty much die after years of telling me it was surely Celiac disease and “just one more EGD, enteroscopy, etc”.) 
    I still had a useless Duke primary care dr 3hrs away, but we were unsure who to use here given the digital Mychart records needing to be accessible and making sure Medicaid would cover if I was approved. So I waited. 
    My high glucose raged during all this, I’d eat carrots or peas and it would go over 180. Tiny amounts of carbs sending me over 220 and half conscious symptomatically. I tried so many different foods, tried breaking it into two tiny meals to see if the GI got less angry, but nothing. So broth, protein, vegetables, and stevia seasoning became the mainstays while the glucose, face flushing, hyper thirsty, and GI episodes continued to rage on starving level calories. (Like 600 calories daily, robbed of yummy things). Meanwhile my frightening since-September 80-82lb weight just maintained. I’m 5’4”. Prisoner of war aesthetic going on there. Oh well. Alive!
    Thanksgiving!a brief bit about it, i’ll blog content beyond October later, just a general update trying to grasp the spiral of this! I’d barely finished most of the decorations for the day , got to wear the vintage granny clothes I adore from my new 80+ yr old mom’s aunt (weirdness of mom being adopted) and it was wonderful with my mom off-day. We watched livestreams from ActionKid of the Macy’s Parade while eating POPCORN in our new popper & putting up the new upcycled decor by me (later to be blogged). We had such good times. One of the best thanksgivings I remember. Actively FB messenger spamming my brother. Every holiday prior was just the 4 of us and major medically-dietarily restricted/we just didn’t do anything.  Also, prior, my ex dad hated the traditions, seeing his family at holidays, birthdays etc.  and my mom had none aside from her peculiar puppy mill owner estranged mother and prison brother. 
    So getting to celebrate “real family holidays”  in a gloriously nontoxic home environment is not something we’ve really experienced (except for my mom, as a child) before. It was a dream. I finally don’t feel unsafe 24/7! Near heaven! The 2022 thanksgiving prior I tried to pull out our old Xmas decorations but just cried instead over the shambles of our lives. 2023 thanksgiving was a DREAM. We are actually very much recovering and learning to live. If we’re all still around next year, I think it may be ever better! 
    I decided to make a traditional thanksgiving dinner, immediately freezing some dishes for Christmas. Decided to eat tons of whatever and everything I wanted that day, even if I went into a coma. That went SO badly hahaha. I took extra plaquenil. No regrets. Totally threw up. Eating is torture but so worth it.Would do again. I felt so alive, it’s so nice to eat with other people. I had no idea how poor not being able to eat together makes the  “quality of life”. Wrote a disturbing song in the stupor that followed that I’ll later repost, hahaha.
    And then after that Twas all out Xmas mode-still…Making some rushed decor, decorating the new old hold for the first time, trying to color theme each room!, lots and lots of cooking and baking! Pinterest recipe bliss! Planning excitedly for my brother to visit after not being able to for a year. The first time the home wasn’t even fully renovated and we didn’t do much of anything, decor or food wise. This meant unplanned renovations and rearranging of the kitchen to be more disabled/wheelchair friendly to reduce my suffering,haha. 
    The “Cook Nook” was evolving- my cozy cottage closet wheelchair workspace! Such kitchen shuffling. Still a work in progress. (EDIT FEB ‘24..Done!)My mom getting me an instant pot has massively helped me given my inability historically and now especially to stand long at the stovetop. Need to take updated pics and add to this.  Also, I am relearning how to cook via food scale using mostly metric, for ease, fewer dishes, and nutrition calculations. Thanks to King Arthur Flour recipes for encouraging this. I am relearning how to calculate the servings/nutrition on my own recipes and all recipes once again (one day I won’t have to Google nutrition on 3oz raw “x” every time). I did this from 2017-2020 (post severe food allergies + ingredient label checking drama, PICU, hospital) as per my illness and appetite never existed,  and I was scared I’d accidentally lose weight and almost die again. Then in 2020 I just became major sicker, unable to eat enough for a normal creature to live, started gaining weight, then the celiac train wreck began. So all this nutrition content stuff is major Deja Vu. 
    Sometime in December? We found out I got approved for Medicaid , and now it appears to be because the US government has officially accepted that I am disabled/useless in working society. I am so grateful and honestly cannot believe it. It seems like I may not have to show up in virtual SSI court in March now for the disability lawyer to “prove I’m disabled” from showing my medical records that the government already has. (EDIT FEB ‘24: Virtual court date is a day after my b-day, perhaps I can control symptoms enough to eat cheesecake & take sickness a day prior if I completely dehydrate, haha? Yolo or no? )
    So in December the try for local primary ensued. My mom is doing all the paper and scheduling work as usual (cannot Adult). I went to one nice doctor on December 7, broke down crying weirdly over my situation (normally numb to the chronic near death experiences). She was amazing, but couldn’t accept me-I needed an internal Med-Ped doctor to “accept my case” as I was “too medically complex”.  Mom’s Hunt ensued, I got an appt. in the UNC based local system that linked with mychart & their better ER 30 mins away. 
    I went to their ER for labs/my chronic emergency level fluid loss and malnutrition on Dec 13, like: “hi I have no primary care yet please help.” 
    That was useful, hadn’t had labs since September. They’re all rough as one would expect, but I’m managing to keep my electrolytes acceptable with salt cravings, bullion and lemon water. 
    Basically: The internal primary care appt. Finally came! It was, to my horror- a male doctor. I vowed to never have another given a few terrible experiences with them due to my age, gender and being underweight (as if I chose this nightmare-then I blame myself for it,  though it’s not something I can control/fix.). which had been up a full day prior so was very out of it. The ER  labs were useful for them, too. The intern doctor had an intern too, who was very nice and shockingly interested in my load of recent medical notes and since July daily recording diary of my food fluid, med and intake and vitals timebook. The book I made out of desperation trying to figure this out or find someone who could. Shockingly, they gave good advice and accepted my case!  They understood Ehlers-Danlos, amazingly. They asked what I wanted to start on, I begged for help on eating and drinking. He said the human body can process ~20g protein per two hours for muscle building/retaining, and with my weight & intake tolerance being so low I definitely had muscle wasting (I, who only ate 4 slices broth and bread daily-for over two years while desperately waiting on Duke GI doctors to figure out this wasn’t celiac and why food made me so sick). Apparently ill & old people die from bowel necrosis due to muscle wasting in situations like mine. No other doctor ever mentioned lacking protein or muscle wasting making everything worse. Duke doctors gave no aid aside from “I can send you to a dietician if you’d like it”-as if generic advice would aid the unmanageable food reactions. Also, male Dr was awesome not a nightmare. AWESOME. He saw my real actual email which literally contains Sarasbabyducks given my past pets, and he saw that& was like EPIC I RAISED RUNNERS, what breed did you have? Beautiful carcincle Muscovy, Ancona and Pekin were so loved by wee me. Given struggling to verbally communicate my mom also 2nd visit was like “we think she’s autistic- and my doctor IS FORMALLY DIAGNOSED and told me this!? I also found his IG sand apparently is into alternate herbal things & didn’t roast us for desparate experimenting!
    The new doctors don’t know why my glucose is crazy high, and said I was allowed to try carbs with the high protein and see what happens/monitor it.They also bumped the UNC endocrinologist referral up for Carcinoid/NET tumor/possible atypical diabetes and scheduled a six week later progress check-this is unheard of in my life to have ongoing medical follow up, help, or doctors who genuinely care if I live or die. I am so grateful. 
    I also got clearance on my plan to eat YUMMY HOLIDAY FOODs during Christmas week when my bro came and not monitor vitals/anything!  So prior to bro visit,  I embarked (cautiously so Christmas plans wouldn’t be ruined by me being sicker) eating at least 20g x3 daily and increasing my foods/trying some fruits/vegetables I normally get hyperglycemic from.  Shockingly my glucose and GI episodes improved some. It’s so hard initially to learn how much protein’s in what. Then Christmas! The so longed for first real family Christmas in the new old home, fully renovated! Bro came a day later than hoped (traffic), but made it on Xmas eve night! I’ll later blog of it! On Xmas week I tried to eat all the yummy foods unrecorded, mostly! It was a delicious disaster haha. Been Still recording glucose x3 daily, but thankfully not fluids or blood pressure now. That was tons of exhausting work, especially when barely functioning already. Getting back to the protein!...
    This concludes the illness fog written content mostly from goodness knows when! Free to frolic on to editing the somewhat later project photos as a hopeful attempt to reawaken my brain from months of hours-daily medical meltdown endurance without local care access. Grateful to be in this beautiful world, for my mom, Medicaid approval, new Internal Med doctors, and the few pretend friends who perhaps, for some reason, are kind enough to read the ramblings of a happy hermit, sick lunatic. 
    This is where I stopped writing, haha. 
    Current tiny update February ‘24, I’ll fill in gaps later if I get the chance!: Jan. 2 I started some alternative herbs and medications my mom had been considering, given doctors not helping and time running out .Things supported by scientific papers and research, a hopeful cure if carcinoid tumor/pancreatic cancer. 3 herbal pills and 2 fluid meds. My glucose at least is starting to markedly stabilize (FEB update)! Supposing it’s the combined CBD, my DIY-not-to-die plaquenil, tumeric and berberine along with the other high powered liquid thing? The hours of horror fluid loss GI wise are harder to survive as I’m trying to eat more-some days I got in 1000 calories-a miracle for me.  I was in the new awesome UNC ER again Jan 13? after eating in a restaurant for the first time in 6 years-a glorious event for me to leave the home at all! For a funeral of my honorary granny. Backed up to my ribs despite chronic fluid loss-surprising and why it’s like glass shards in ribs when eating or drinking often. I’ve been out of it since and barely able to eat given my GI being badly broken, now require a new old people med device to somewhat more safely stay home alone, but now, mid Feb, feel like I’m coming out of the fog. No regrets, the restaurant was delicious! And now I’ve local GI care from UNC helping & as I write this current bit I’m leaving for my first combined colonoscopy & EGD done simultaneously later today. 6? EDG & enteroscopies and one colonoscopy at Duke from 2021-23. Issues found but no helping. Hoping they aren’t scared to fully sedate me here, haha. That only other 2022 Duke colonoscopy..Then the guy just blamed me for being too skinny, and was unable to find anything structurally, not being able to complete the procedure fully. I was half conscious and in pain screaming, when supposed to be all out anesthesia’d. Extra fentanyl this fine day of February, please! Also weirdly, my parent's equitabled distribution disaster was precisely 1 year ago today-When DVPO exdad dumped all my old & future medical bills on my former homeschool medical mom & attempted to take everything, almost suceeding after we were forced to flee homeless in 2022 to survive him. No support financially, what is mythical alimony and good lawyers? My mom having horrible mental breakdowns. Why exdad. I almost wheeled then walked out into traffic after this, no one in my life has ever made me feel more worthless and like a burden for breathing the air. How can one cope with being a burden to their own mother? This was post Jan 2023 no-med care post stroke when I could barely move, drink, swallow, eat or talk. Home alone surviving on the couch with a pencil in my hand giving me the will to try to “live to give, live to love” in little ways-if nothing more on earth I could say for.
    Turns out I'm not real
    Just something you paid for
    What was I made for?
    But somehow, we stuck together and smiled after the storm. So grateful she got her mother's ex-puppymill and land, a little lumpsum, and we have blessed freedom!
    Anyway, tis all my bitty remaining brain cell can summon at the moment! Life is honestly improving so rapidly this year it’s dizzying! Being able to even blog a bit (even if a bit off-balance) is proof of this! local good drs, hope to survive/cure the one thing, getting to often enjoy family meals with my mom-never allowed historically ( medical and family toxicity situations), finally finishing the few leftover home renovations, the first year she’s fully divorced finally and mostly financially in an area of safety! I’ve dubbed it the year of (my mom’s) Julie’s Jubilee with laughable glee! And I’ve given the home and acres around it a loving dub of “Misfit Meadows” I am indeed making a sign for our front room, haha! So weird to be allowed to be in a home so happy!
    I absolutely apologize/will edit if it’s not allowed to be so real here,  or if this content isn’t BZP friendly. And for photo embed fail pleasehelp? I have no perspective on what it's like to live as an ordinary person or how rules apply here. ‘Appy impaired unaware alien here. Virtual hugs to all, tis all! Missed blogging in the BZP beauty where I can be a misfit with so few openly judging me for the fairytale ramblings, thanks to all thee! 
    "Think I forgot how to be happy...
    ..something I can be!"
     
  21. Mushy the Mushroom
    Buy your daughter LEGO, and she may (try to) rebuild your home one day?
    My grandfather rebuilt it first. Enormous gratitude to the family friends who we owe our lives to! And countless other helpers!
    Home is also not 100% done and I have zero perspective on what it looks like to others!
    It's been an insane one year process here. Former animal hoarder home.

    **Cannot continue chronicling without content warning.**
    Links contain descriptions and pictures of unsafe living conditions for all life forms (aside from vermin, perhaps), slight discussion of suffering/poor treatment of both humans and animals, a plethora of questionable building tactics brought on by necessity, collective incoherence of a chronically ill, no skill carpenter, and plenty of projects not recommended to try at home.
    I have no idea if I’m allowed to post this here, or anywhere online, honestly. We lived it and cleaned it, but certainly did not approve of the unfortunate and peculiar occurrences. Extreme apologies if not allowed!
     
    Doc/Story link:
    A Hundred-Year Old House of Horror…? 
     
     
     
    (Links have more photos of after, before & during renovations.)
    Porch

     
    Foyer, Stairs & Hall.

     
    Living & Sun Room

     
    Office

     
    Hall Bath

     
    The Big Bedroom

     
    Basement

     
    Kicthen & Dining

     
    Laundry Room

     
    Upstairs Foyer & Closet

     
    The Royal Retreat

     
    The MushRoom

     
    The Sam Suite

     
    Outside

    ♫Through the dark, through the door
    Through where no one's been before
    But it feels like home
     
    There's a house we can build
    Every room inside is filled
    With things from far away 
     
    They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy 
    They can say, they can say I've lost my mind 
    I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy 
    We can live in a world that we design♫

  22. Mushy the Mushroom
    Just some artstuffs! 
     
    9X12 Lop ear bunny, finished last month. Acrylic, pencil and watercolor paper. I feel like the leaves look kind of odd/over-detailed....The reference photo had a bokeh background. It's so hard to decide when it's done.
     Drawing time:? Painting time 31 hours.

    A happy little pumpkin panda with bamboo. White wood fill markers and black china markers will stick to pumpkin skin (Yaygaragestuff)
    .
    That color wheel feel when an art idea materializes: And the Lego version:
    (Not an accurate color wheel.)

     
    This is a pseudo paint palette...A fraud made of foam board...taped to the face.
    I wish I had a younger sibling so I could bribe them to be in photos instead. These photos were taken using the most barbaric methods.
    Proof:

    And finally...my pathetic Plant-O-Lanterns! Inspired by @Bambi and @Aderia.
    MR. NARWHAL and cantaloupe octopus. Poor cantaloupe octopus was illuminated with a flashlight, I couldn't find another candle.
     

    I fail at carving cucumbers.
     
     
     



     
     
  23. Mushy the Mushroom
    Feels so fine to frolic about in this fresh format! 

     
    Bugging my family. Pencil on tiny 3x4 watercolor paper, then laminated. As you may spot, I do not excel in matching the inner card decor to the outer. The predicament of buying primary colored card stock.



     “.. Loved the World” -9x12. 
    Isn't it great, this place? The people? So many caring faces here on earth. I love each and every one of you, dear humankind.

    “What About Us/Medical Zebras.”. 9x12 pencil on watercolor paper.
    That song so often echoed through the halls while I rolled through the hospital years ago, before being discharged sick & undiagnosed. Started this one around September, after a doctor’s appointment where I somehow refrained from slipping away in tears. Fear freezes, I suppose. Almost dismissed from all further GI tests due to unknown disease etiology and a new doctor not checking past medical history. I feel terrible about how my body & blood work is frustrating some of them so. Then there is the guilt of having other doctors look at you holding back tears because you're crashing and currently unfixable. How grateful I am for all who are kind and genuinely try to help! Trials to smiles.

     
    An extraordinary, too-giving-for-this-world neighborfriend gave me a giant basket she made herself. Out of the blue. Elated about using it for photography in the coming days. It’s so beautiful that I nearly shrieked. How can you ever thank someone enough when they are this generous? I can’t even form words!
    …So I’ll attempt to draw them instead? Perplexing trying to figure out what to draw for people when they don’t have social media photos. Dog owner+gardener+basket-er+wished for a granddaughter but never got one= ?
    “Cherry Summers” 9x12 pencil & mechanical pencil on watercolor paper. Tried real art pencils for the first time (Thanks store-going-Grandma, I was oblivious to their existence! Also now waiting for art fixative spray to arrive, a new discovery here in Hermitlandia.) 


    People: You must be into what’s in style, care about current fashion and like shopping since you design your own clothes.
    Me: ….actually…iiii…uuuhhhh…

    My mom gave me pajamas for gutting- made with fabric she dubbed “too fancy for sleeping”. 
    9hrs for human. 3hrs for The Child size.
    Had to add handsewn buttonholes and more buttons in between. Switched out for black. Elastic- threaded bias neckline. Fully lined The Child’s coat with black knit. 
    Before/during disection:
    Pajama dissection theme continued, so turned the insanely insulating pajama pants into sweatshirts. Partially just to see if it was possible. Not the finest fabrics. Contrast lines to hide seaming. French seams and stuff.
     

     
     
    My first Chia Child/Pet- a Christmas gift from my aunt. Someone unintentionally mold-infected the first seeds with hasty watering. Take two, back from the dead. The satchel looked like a hot air balloon basket when not leaf-overtaken (I promise) so this happened. 
    *old people arthritis gloves*

     
    And my mom knitted more leg warmers! Pixelated effect from multicolor yarn.
    *purple party of three*

     
    My mom’s “boring” sweater cardigan she let me loose on. Adjustable drawstring. Lazy daisy, blanket and running stitch. 18.5 hrs. 

    EDIT: Sorry, I just noticed the bit in the 2nd post of BZP's rules about spoiler tags I missed. Sorry for using them a lot.
    Smallthings scattered across the internet in other places.
     
     A LEGO love letter to Nannerpuss - Denny’s 2009 Super Bowl Commercial star. Sorry for stealing your audio Denny’s, I tried contacting x3 and I promise it wasn't a prank. The actual commercial: https://youtu.be/Gdu3hQVVDD8
     
    OH SNAPS, VIDEO EMBEDDING WORKS? YAY!
    *Now feels better about not having to link to three-second-unworthy-to-click videos. The embeds are so biiiig though, makes me feel guilty about using the feature.*
     
     


    Do you want to build a…?

     
    Brick Roll done for the member-made emote topic. (Details on creating over there.)
    http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/31948-member-made-bzp-emote-gallery-library/?do=findComment&comment=1201808
     
    Hewki/Huki(?)and Macku/Maku(?). Not my best work, but hey, next time!?
    (Not sure which is accurate for the Mctoran form). 
     
     
    Terrible things happen when your dad always has these around. Rinds in my mind. 
    Also *Me just gleefully using this as a repository for oldish rubbish.*

    Ceramic houses made by my grandma & crochet square from neighborfriend. Tissue paper roses that have magically stayed intact since 2017!

     
    Up & away,
    May you enjoy your day!
     
     
     
     
     
     
  24. Mushy the Mushroom

    SHOEMAKING ADVENTURES

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    cinnamon toast?
    First try at leather shoes + shoemaking with my lasts. Started them about five months ago but didn’t have the time/supplies to complete them until last week. Ballet flats don’t normally use welted sole construction, but I wanted to try the technique. Used the narrow German welt method.

    Made from a 20ish year old suede jacket (outer and lining), ¼” thick veg tan leather (insoles, outsoles, welt), faux leather (stiffener), ¼” wide leather reinforcement tape, ⅛ in thick cork (filler), bamboo shanks, Barbours 6 unwaxed cord (welting), coad/shoemaker’s wax/pitch, contact cement, neoprene glue, beeswax, shellac, and tiny wire nails.

     
     
    First, I completely covered the lasts in masking tape, drew the design on, cut and pulled the tape portions off and stuck them to paper. Then added seam allowances and tested a paper version. Then cut the uppers, sewed together and applied reinforcement tape at the seams. Then cut the veg tan insoles, marked and skived, and poked the awl through the feather/holdfast, marking the holes.(Attached with rubber bands- didn’t want to nail into the last until steel protector plates were added.)Next, dry lasted/stretched the leather with pincers, contact glued the lining layer around the feather/holdfast, glued in faux leather toe and heel stabilizers, smoothed out with the rasp, and lasted, glued and rasped the outer layer in place.Then made coad/shoemaker’s wax/pitch by melting pine rosin with beeswax, dropping the hot mixture into a water bucket and kneading it into little blobs (Recipe in sources). Made skived welts out of strips of veg tan. Waxed the thread with the coad/pitch/waxand started saddle stitching. Was initially painful and time consuming because of neglecting to wet the welt, and lack of a proper, sharpened awl needle.  Ordered an 1840s curved awl needle which worked in a comparatively magical manner.
    (Excessive progress photos feat. my parched, lotion-hating fingers. XD )

    I couldn’t find any suitable shoemaker’s bristles or needles online, but read that some used guitar strings instead. So I thought I’d try to use these floss threaders, which surprisingly worked. Then skived the wet welt a bit to smooth the fuzzies out. Added the cut-down bamboo shanks +leather covers and contact glued in. Then took the ⅛” thick cork sheets and contact glued and rasped two layers on. Then contact glued and hammered the rough-cut veg tan sole on. Trimmed excess off with the skive knife, Dremel sanded, and smoothed with a glass shard (Sorry mayo jar, you were a lovely sacrifice).

    Marked and cut the angled slits for stitching and saddle stitched through. Then closed the slits with neoprene glue (AKA Shoe Goo. Same stuff, just cheaper.) and hammered.

    Neoprene glued the heel layers on, cutting the excess off of each individual layer and rasping down. Then wet sanded the sole edges with the Dremel. (That protective masking tape was a terrible mistake. Had to remove the sticky residue with a freezer, a brush, a pencil eraser and suede cleaner. #fail ._.) Then made shellac for the soles from dewaxed orange shellac flakes and denatured alcohol. Sticks to skin very well. Should’ve worn gloves. (Recipe in sources) Applied the shellac to the soles, two coats. Then rubbed melted beeswax to the sole edges. For lack of a better system, I used the Sterno inferno to heat the heel edge iron and melted the wax to seal. Lastly, added little nails in the heel for extra security (Probably used too many, got excited.) 

    Pretty rough, I have no idea what I’m doing, but I guess that failing = learning. Should hopefully be easier next time. I’m ecstatic about all the online tutorials for this stuff! *Tries to contain the INTENSE EXCITEMENT*
    Also so thankful my dad’s around more, so I can hassle him about tools and garagestuff. XD He gave me this old leather welding apron to prevent unintentional stab wounds, and I’m fan-girling over it. He also refinished and painted the rusty Cobbler’s anvil from my grandmother’s barn, and made the "heel edge iron". I couldn't find the latter for sale in the US, showed him a photo, and he was able to make it from an old mallet head and the end of a walking stick. Best. Gift. Ever.  ;_;

    Here are source links in case anyone else desires to pursue a fading trade with wild abandonment.
    ...And also so I can remember this stuff next time.
     
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITiyKmYnL-0&feature=youtu.be
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LsE4nsEOJk&feature=youtu.be
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2lCXlGp_GA&feature=youtu.be
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7L6nPNNPBc
    https://shoesandcraft.com/2011/01/13/german-welt-tutorial-2/
    https://shoesandcraft.com/2011/01/21/a-little-more-about-german-welt/
    http://carreducker.blogspot.com/2012/05/threads.html?m=1
    https://medium.com/@mbliskavka/shoemaking-school-pt-3-making-thread-and-welting-25e157bc7f5a
    https://www.ianatkinson.net/leather/leatherguide.htm
    http://aands.org/raisedheels/Techniques/coad.php
    https://www.shellac.net/shellac-mixing-application.html
    https://shoesandcraft.com/2012/12/05/heel-edge-finishing/
     
  25. Mushy the Mushroom
    …Salutations, sitefolk! Below is an essentially unedited (aside from forgotten fobs and photographs) Saturday write that was delayed due to a hectic hospital health fright the same night. I beg pardon for this whole nonsensical note. Numb, mumbling meager sentences, but I am mostly the master of my own muscles once more! Beyond brilliant to be back!
    (Also I forgot How To Blog and realized these images may be offensively oversized? I ordinarily email them to myself to auto-resize, my brain is fried. And I assembled it in Docs and plopped it over here..Will fix it if it is problematic! I absolutely should not be online in this condition and am struggling to speak in full sentences.) 
     
     
    A cautionary cue: 
    The following content contains more than traces of cognitive impairment. And cortisol. I relate to Oxley from Indiana Jones, incoherently rambling over his wall drawings with the utmost deranged zeal at this point. I must apologize for your eyes. 
    Some pencil drawings….that I’m not particularly proud of. Out-of-practice and trying to relearn/draw during weird new weakness episodes. Wheelchairs are wonderful, as is being able to use mine on these floors now, basically bedridden without it now.
    Owl as my brother’s gift. Started doing 8x10’s (my scanner is small) and sealing them with Art fixatif pre-scan. 

     
    And my brother (as a baby) for my mother’s gift! 3x5”?/standard small print photo size
    .
    And my mother, I never thought to draw her before!  8x10”
    At Duke Chapel during a doctor day. Living locally we’d never been, but I guess moving made it more of an event? 


     
    Little bun’ for fun. 4x6”.

    Thank you cards too!



    This one was for a salt-block rock lamp starring itself in felt because… uncreative!


     
    And hook-handle bags, a refresher in cotton construction.



     
    When the mind finds a fish out of fabric.



    Oh, and small squiddy embroidery decor for my bro. Absolute spontaneity, as the stitching may reveal to thee! 
     


    A glow and a gleam of seams, gold threads fit for a dainty dryad!
    A bare-bones with a bear stop motion attempt. No interesting bits but a vivacious brain vacation. 
    Feathers of fur, a wee winter outfit for her.
    But perhaps if the season does lapse, immortalized ice queen to dance in a dream. Not nearly so nightly as the Narnian nightmare, I daresay.
    Harp and harmonious hums so heavenly.



     
    A little locket, my people in a pocket! I longed for one but never out loud. Lo and behold, an acquaintance of my mother bestowed this trinket gold.


     

     
    Balloon snowballs, fur for wings and flooring from an old dancing Santa decoration’s coat.
    Blanket stitch bead border, braided embroidery threads straps.
    .

     

     
    Gold lame from my mom's prom dress, that became my random gut-and-patch-together dress (Long ago! I added about 3” length from another scrap to it after this picture. This fabric was an unraveling atrocity hahaha) and I still had some left. 

    The problem with “fancy” human clothes is never using them because being at home. And home is the dreamland of deconstructing old things, crawl mopping (It’s easier!), delicious messes, and many a graphite demise of a good garment. But the toys are tidy. The idea of pinafores delights me. I hope to try this because why not create one’s own fairytale reality?
    Concept art carried upon perhaps the smollest stack of sticky’s. Online ordering and the adorable Alice-in-Wonderlandian accidents!

    Lace and ceramic church from my late grandma's basement. A distant cousin's social media post was how I discovered this, as a freak instinct to check Facebook that day swept over me. I'm sorry for them, for me it was not soaking in. My sensible sibling was stalling on calling.
    The last time I saw her was in court. The first I was in the wheelchair in her presence. I couldn't speak to her. On some shelf in the back of my mind, I ponder if the family-fall-apart cut short her time. I am grateful to have visited her and that pleasant peachtree place for the last time in 2019. The distance, health deterioration, long hospitalization and high risk of food allergy shock locked us out of her life. She taught me a lot in spite of it, and I hope to see her again without the weight of the world's burdens.

    *Old-art oh-no* 

    Then our pug, aged 14 died within the following two weeks, and my ENT surgery crescendo couch ridden comatose was sandwiched in between. 
    Pug was a parking lot pup my family scooped up, seemingly a holiday-gift stray. With our band of misfits he nicely fit! I don't think the drywall dust was good for his lungs given his trachea issues, but nothing could be done. I didn't have a mask either, but there are so many things one only must do once. Like that not-so-long-ago midnight-thirty mess.  My mom came home horrified from work to find me collapsed in a cloud of drywall dust with my electric sander in hand, too weak to stand up. At the base of a six foot ladder with smothered smoke alarms sounding off . Sometimes I just have to laugh at the horror..and sleep on the floor because insufficient energy to shower. But that carpentry chapter is over!
     
    I couldn't cry over the departures though, a perplexing personal paralysis that began years ago. To mechanically throw the bad feelings out the window.
    At Thanksgiving I feasted on tears. All of them, all day, somehow triggered by the parade? 
    Life has been better since, as though reality is balanced. That perfect pendulum inevitably must rise and fall even if it feels like you've lost it all. An avalanche of uplifting events are occurring, but it’s still too rushed. So hard to hush!
    In the midst of this, my medical madness has merged into multiple diagnoses. Two years of major tests later, grateful to be getting a grasp. 
     
    2022 was a tad like tumbling down the rabbit hole to arrive at a better end. Convalescence in every sense?   
    2023 has started with a deep and proper happy for me, and I wish the genuine same for any reader who came!

    *ignores pile of unedited artthings, drags out old photo of baby ducks instead*

    *Imaginary effect of the Maytime Muscovy coos of my cherished children*






     
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