Kal the Guardian

IC / West District / Riding in Unpredictable: Swerv rechecked the radio waves. The KNPD grunts seemed to be agitated about something. Perhaps they would find out when they reached the KNPD HQ. Shrugging, Swerv kept the Unpredictable kept rolling along.IC / North District / Entering Neshtik’s Shop: Brother dropped a bag of old coins on the counter, startling the Ko-Matoran who didn’t see him come in. She quickly asked, “How may I assist you?” “Ten miniature camouflage buttons. As in they have the power to camouflage what they are put on,” Brother said, slightly annoyed that he knew he had to explain them, otherwise he would just receive ten buttons that had a camo pattern. The Matoran nodded, “Yes, we have those in stock. I see you came well prepared for their price.” She stood up and said, “Just let me go grab them.” Nodding under his cloak, Brother only had to wait for a few moments before the Matoran came back and handed him a box. He opened it to check that the contents where there and working. He took a button and placed it on his chest. He depressed it and after a tingling sensation in his “bones”, he vanished from view. It wasn’t invisibility, but it would work. Taking back his change, Brother put the button away and walked out. Now the next step was going to be hard. He had only heard of the protosteel eating juice as a rumor. Strange enough, it had to be stored in stone jars, obviously because it would destroy protodermis jars. He needed to hack into the inventory of several research facilities to find it. But he didn’t have the skill for that. And a manual search would take too long. Not to mention he could easily miss it. And then there was Lyxek’s Kakama to take into consideration. Perhaps Brother needed to find a helmet with a HUD that would help increase his reflexes. No, he had enough confidence in his abilities to take out Lyxek even if the silence generators didn’t work. But they would, and if he could find the juice to take out Lyxek’s guitar, then the Toa might be defenseless except for reinforcements. Obviously Brother would plan for the worse, but this seemed to be going well so far.IC / Day Run / Heading East: Waiter dropped off the airship at the Garage. He tried to recall where the closest, local garage was in the West District, and couldn’t quite remember. It hadn’t been high on his list before. Plus he only had the money he had picked up for doing various jobs for the legitimate research facilities. It would be enough, but he didn’t have enough for repairs if his vehicle was attacked. He could always patch things up himself, but it was normally better to let the professionals handle it if you didn’t have a mask of regeneration.

Ok, Waiter needs a vehicle. I forgot who, but doesn't one of the characters here own a garage?

IC / Day Run / Waiting for Draxion: Swerv watched the crowd on the Day Run grounds. While it seemed to have thinned from the day before, it appeared even a major virus couldn’t deter them. Swerv couldn’t blame them. He loved tournaments of any kind. Sending out a faint magnetic pulse, the robot searched for anything that might be in hiding. Nothing. Looking up, Swerv spotted Draxion coming out of the Registration Office.IC / Registration Office / With Eryn: “Kerid,” Draxion hissed his respect and gave a big reptilian grin to Ehjoras, “Hey Ehjoras.” Nodding to himself, Draxion said, “We have some stuff to do, see you all.” The golden Rahkshi exited the Registration Office and climbed aboard the Unpredictable. “So, where to now?” Swerv powered up the vehicle and pointed towards City, “We’re going to look for Vronx, but mostly just test the KNPD’s security. Wirelessly at first.” Draxion shrugged and the Unpredictable began to move forward, “Works for me.” IC / North District / Walking: Older Brother waited for the automatic door to slide open and then stepped inside Neshtik Industries. He quickly spotted the front desk and began to walk slowly towards it, as his eyes searched out the security cameras from under his hood. A rather large Le-Matoran, who definitely had lost any swiftness when he picked up his first Madu Cake, sat behind the desk, apparently doing something of relative importance. The Matoran looked up as Brother approached and frowned. He quickly smiled and asked, “How may I help you?” Brother rolled his eyes, a gesture which could not be seen under his cloak, and said, “Do you have any miniature camouflage buttons?” “Uh…” the large Matoran said as he began to type into the computer before him, “We have those, uh, but at our store, which is on the other side of this district.” The chubby Le-Matoran tried to smile and said, “Should I call ahead for you?” Brother forced himself to remain calm. Why did he think this was a good idea? He should just kill the Matoran and get it over with. No, he didn’t want any trouble at the moment. He was going to have enough of that when he went after Lyxek. Ah… An idea just came to him. He needed to find some of the special juice that basically ate protosteel. Something from the stomach of a Visorak, whatever that was. Of course he was definitely going to have to steal that. Shrugging, Brother growled at the Le-Matoran and turned to walk out. The Matoran jumped and yelped. Brother chuckled as he exited the building and opened his PDA. He did some searching on the local, unsecured wireless network that provided plentiful information on City. So, it seemed that Neshtik’s Shop was northeast of his current position. Putting away his PDA, Brother flew off. IC / Tower of Tyis / Flying Away: Waiter nodded in understanding. “I will find Alan,” the gray Toa took the tablet, “And deliver this to him then.” Turning to leave, Waiter climbed inside the airship. As Kaorus walked back to his post, Waiter called out almost without a thought, “Good Hunting, brother. And may your kills be swift.” There was his former life as an assassin showing through. Waiter shook his head. He really needed to think before he spoke. Nevertheless, it was still appropriate, in a way, for bounty hunters, so he didn’t apologize as his pulled away from Tyis. Now, to find Alan. The Toa-like being, whatever he was, was probably hanging around the KNPD. After all, that’s where Waiter had planned to be at that moment, but had experienced difficulties with the airship. Alan seemed so eager to fight for what he believed was good, but he didn’t seem to take the time to properly plan. Waiter shuddered. He only improvised when he had to, in the middle of a mission mostly, since things never went as planned. But first, he had to return the airship to the Day Run, and then find some sort of transportation. He could no longer walk around. Speed was required now that things were heating up.

I've never actually killed off a character before. This will be fun.

Yeah Steam is just annoying, but I live with it.But my review of Knives in the Dark is up! Just like I said, yay!

IC / Registration Office / With Eryn: Draxion did a double take and titled his head as he said, “Oh, hey Eryn, I didn’t notice it was you. Is that a new body? Because if not then I’m reverting to my natural more night based vision.”IC / Tower of Tyis / Speaking with Kaorus: “Alright,” Waiter nodded as he stepped aside to let Kaorus through. It was unsettling how he could see through the gaps in the being's armor and take note that there was no one inside. But he had seen stranger things and just shrugged off the feeling.

Knives in the DarkIntroduction. Very foreboding and with doom hanging all over the place. I like it. Although you suddenly switch gears in the middle of the paragraph into talking to the players. That's sort of strange and doesn't really flow correctly. Plus the first thing you tell us is that we can't go to the southern continent. And then go and basically say that we can't create our own faction, or at least that's how I see it. For the beginning of the RPG, this seems really restrictive.Profiles. Ok, I would personally save the profiles for later, perhaps after locations. This is because they don't add much to the story. As in they aren't the meat of the meal, but a dessert to be served last, if you understand what I mean. I don't think major story plots are to be found in reading through the profiles.Lord Darkon. When you don't know the gender, it's a general Grammar rule to use "he", not "he/she".Toa Decrax. Ok, so it appears that this could also be reasonably called the Factions section, I realize that that is what you're doing with these profiles.Ajax. Omni-potent? Do you mean omnipotent? Sorry I don't know if Omni-potent is actually a word. Anubis. "i'd go with Anubis" should have an "I", not "i".Well, these characters are interesting, but I think you could add more discription and seperate them into profiles and factions.Locations. Zakaz. "sturctures" is spelled wrong. Xia. "who are the main focus..." That sentence is just worded wrong. Karzahni. "Their normally dangerous weapons." is a fraction. Artakha. Teridax isn't capitalized. Stelt. Your should be You're. Otherwise locations are fine, due to there being only reason to tell us their use, since we know what they look like.How to play. Basically, not basic-ly. And for creating a character, we don't have to chose something that would go under a warlord, do we? Profile sheet. Ugh, keep the Bio short? You don't understand how short people try to get them anyway. Otherwise profiles are fine.Rules are rules.Overall, I think you could fix this up a little. Just look at some other great submissions, like the Island of Pain, and perhaps follow how TPtI lays out his RPG. Just a suggestion.Good luck in the contest!

Lol, no. I'm reviewing Knives in the Dark. That's as far as I've gotten in my reviews.

My first experience with Steam was not very good. And I hate having to have an internet connection to play a game that I own on a disk. That's just really dumb to me. What is this offline mode you speak of? If you mean like hiding from friends, I don't care about that.

Agreed. If you purchased it from Steam, I would understand, but I got a hard copy and I want to be able to put that sucker on as many computers to play as I want. I couldn't care less about achievements. My biggest achievement was killing a Netch with a fork, and I don't need to see it as a trophy. People who achievement hunt make me sad. Not that it's a bad thing, I don't want to offend anyone, but seriously, it's a game. Like those people who're playing their Pokemon game and find some rare one and start stressing out and getting all happy.I'll just review BaR and Day Run like this... Check the Archive and look at the last review, I doubt anything has changed significantly since then. -Toa Levacius Zehvor

Actually, I did a bit in the areas of which you spoke. =PAnyways, basically, when the log-in window pops up to type, there's an option that says "Offline Mode." If you really don't like the internet part of it (to which I say "waaaaaaaat"), then you can just look at your library. Also, be sad at me, then. I'm an achievement hunter. XD

Also, what's wrong with Steam? It's awesome. And if you really hate it, there's offline mode.

Ugh, I was thinking of getting Skyrim for PC, but it has been sucked into Steam? Man I really don't like Steam.But anyway... RPGs...I end up spending a lot of time reading RPGs and not so much time actually writing in them. I have gotten lazy over the past week. But then again I have so much crazy stuff going on for the holidays that I don't even have time to write the reviews I actually want to write.

IC / Registration Office / Signing up for CtF: Draxion nodded and said, “Okay then”, into the crest. He said to Swerv, “I’ll sign us up. You wait here.” Swerv shrugged his agreement and the Rahkhsi walked inside the building. As he walked up the counter, small billows of fog seemed to cling around his feet. They disappeared as he looked up at the Matoran manning her station and said, “Team Vigil for the match today.”IC / Tower of Tyis / Talking with Kaorus: Waiter inclined his head in respect and said, “Kaorus, I believe. I’m afraid I bring you fallen comrades.” Walking around behind the airship, Waiter opened the back and motioned for the Tyis Guard to take a look. “I’m not sure of their names, so I won’t misspeak by guessing, but they fell yesterday evening against the Director. I’m sure the Guild has been informed. “Although let me reiterate enough to say that the Day Run tried to help them, and that when they were lost, it was then I volunteered to bring them down here. Since I was there when they were killed, the Day Run agreed.” Motioning to Nenda, Waiter asked, “Shall I bring them in, or do you or your colleges wish to do so?”

IC / Day Run / Looking for Draxion: Swerv pulled up to the Player Lounge and spotted his Rahkshi friend standing out front. He opened up a hatch on the Unpredictable and let Draxion in. Nodding in greeting as Draxion entered and sat down, Swerv began to tell him of what had happened after the Rahkshi had gone to bed the other night. When he had finished his tale, they were both exiting Swerv’s vehicle in front the Registration Office. Draxion was the first to note the new match later that day. He looked at Swerv expectantly and the robot said, “Let’s ask Elithes first. After all, with what happened yesterday, we might have more important things to do. Like look for Vronx so we can see him finally.” “Waiter, he was called Waiter,” Draxion said as he then activated his Team Crest and said, “Elithes, there’s a capture the flag match later today. What do you say? Should we stick to protecting Illuxio?”IC / Victus Dead / Taking Stock: Brother had his silence generators stashed away in a corner of his room that was not readily apparent. They would be found if anyone with a brain snooped around, but the Rahkshi didn’t plan on letting anyone come inside his room anyway. Now he was off to find camouflage devices to hide the silence generators he had just acquired. Taking one last look at his PDA, Brother slipped it in his cloak and flew through his window, closing it behind himself. He was going back to the North District. IC / Tower of Tyis / Landing: Waiter finally spotted the Tower and began his descent. He circled before landing just out of habit. Once he did land, the Toa climbed out of the airship and faced the nearby Tower. He scanned the structure; sure he would see some guard waiting for him.

Oh, wow. Scratch that then.

The Island of PainAs much as it pains me to say. This RPG is about an island. Of pain. Introduction. Organisations should be organizations. Otherwise I love this intro. It's perfectly sinister.The RPG. Once again organisation should have that Z. This seems more friendly to the player, but ends up with them basically having no chance for survival. I love it.Locations. Nice map, even if a bit on the simple side. The locations themselves are well described and kept short, but still all seem dangerous.Enemies. For the Caretakers, how does them having Rahkshi armor give them the powers? It's still cool that they almost inherit the Rahkshi's power, though.Caches. As I did play the game until the GREAT RIFT (And end up carrying along 8 seperate characters that never posted again. Ugh), I do know that the rush to Caches is one of the most fun parts of the game.Profiles. Eh, look good. Except that I have no clue where to put the mask power.NPCs. There is no "(Link)" in Arillan's profile. Blinding White's profile has "...or seeing its as his responsibility." It shouldn't be "its", but "it". For Vertan's link, it says, for me at least, that the webpage was not found. Also, "Weapons/Equipment" isn't bolded there.All of these profiles seem very well done, but I'm guessing that all the ones that say "they replaced..." means that these are PCs. Or are they your NPCs?Rules are rules.Overall, I love this RPG. Well, which is why I already joined it once. There's not much to improve on, Mr. TPtI.

I was going to mention that. Cap's going to miss the deadline and just get our hopes up. Now watch him post it tomorrow.

Yeah, you can ask that here. But sorry, I'm not interested, at least not at this moment.

IC / The Past / The Present:Swerv re-entered his body and left the control room without a fuss, although he could have just stayed in the computer, but Ehjoras had it under control with the virus gone. Since he didn’t need sleep, instead he headed to the Garage and rolled away in Unpredictable, towards the South District.Retracing the route he had traveled a few times before, Swerv pulled up to the abandoned warehouse that he had worked at a few nights before. He wirelessly deactivated the traps he had set up before and pulled the Unpredictable inside. Once the traps were reactivated, Swerv sat down and got to work on the body he was building.The ankle proved to be something of a problem when the ball joint completely broke off. Grumbling to himself, Swerv began to search through the piles of other robotic bodies in various states of disrepair. There didn’t seem to be much to work with until Swerv realized he would have to improvise with a few wrist joints.Finally, he got it working and hooked up to the torso. Hooking himself up and checking reflexes, Swerv made sure it was up to his performance levels. After all, just because this robot was going to be a hodgepodge of different parts didn’t mean it wouldn’t have as much agility or speed as Swerv had himself. Of course this was easier said than done, and it was taking the yellow robot awhile to get it right.In fact, Swerv checked his internal time. Yeah, it was time to get back to the Day Run and see how Draxion was doing. Setting down the arm frame he had been considering, Swerv got in Unpredictable and reset the traps after he deactivated them to get out. Now he was on his way to the Day Run.IC / Player Lounge / Tired:Draxion slept.And not much else. When he woke up and entered the Lounge’s lobby, he was surprised to hear conversation of the Construct from supposedly the night before. Strange; perhaps Swerv would know. Draxion shook his head to wake himself up fully and stepped outside.IC / North District / Acquiring Silence Generators:Older Brother glanced up from his PDA as he entered the North District in the middle of the night. The experimental factory he was looking for was just ahead. He definitely would have been spotted if he weren’t flying and cloaked in shadow, but it never hurt to be cautious. After all, for all he knew, they could have motion trackers. They were an experimental factory, after all, and motion trackers weren’t exactly experimental and therefore, easy to make.Well, either due to lack of motion trackers, or the fact that he descended on the factory from above and in the center of the building, no alarm was sounded. Brother landed lightly on the roof as he put away his PDA. The Rahkshi walked up to the roof’s only door and placed his hand on the security keypad there. No, he was no good at hacking. He would have to do something less subtle and yet still something that would not cause him to be found immediately.Ah, yes. Brother placed his hand on the wall next to the door and placed a rectangular shadow on it. He placed a shadow on the opposite side of the wall and then pulled his hand into a fist. The two shadows connected at the edges and the wall was effectively cut open. Brother released the shadow and pushed the wall piece into the building. It tipped and fell with dull thud. Brother walked in, and as he didn’t hear any alarms, propped the wall piece back up and slid it into the hole he had created.Turning around, he explored the room until he found the stairs and then headed down. Finally, he found the testing floor. It was another floor down from Research, which is what he originally walked down the stairs to find. It took him a good half hour to find elemental generators, of course keeping himself cloaked in shadow so as to not be seen by security cameras, if there were any.It took him another ten minutes to find his prize. Two arm’s length silence generators. They were long and thin. They had a wider, but not higher, range of silence, which was fine with him. After all, this was only his first stop.As the sun began to rise, Brother surveyed his night’s work. Several factories and labs had been duds or had moved on since he acquired his information from a year before, but he was still able to bring in six generators of different range and size. His personal favorite was one that strapped to his chest and fed on his power to broadcast silence depending upon how much of the shadows he fed it.Nodding to himself in satisfaction, Brother headed back to the Victus Dead.IC / Near Tyis / Fixing the Airship:Waiter pulled himself up out of the water and back into the cockpit of the airship, which was using its old repulsors to hover a few inches above the ocean. He checked a couple of gauges and slipped back into the water, where he came up under the airship. He reopened the maintenance panel and placed his hand onto the inner workings, using his power over metal to see what the trouble was.Still nothing. Waiter closed the panel and banged on it to vent some of his frustration. The gauges inside the airship sprang to life and the airship began to pull away. Waiter laughed in both happiness and annoyance as he gripped one of the repulsors and pulled himself up, back into the cockpit.He was going to arrive at the Guild of Tyis any moment now.

Never underestimate the ability of people to post RPGs on the last day every single contest, Lev.

Summary:Seems very redundant. Says everything the Overview did, but in a less cool format.Yeah. =/ It is redundant. But it's for those who didn't get the overview or didn't read it. I laugh at myself though because my summary is only half the size of the overview instead of one paragraph. Plus I believe a give a few different nuggets of information in it, or at least in a different way.Gameplay:Have to lol at that "Or you can die"!Oh yeah! XDDreamland:Map looks alright. Might be nice to see some indication of elevation though maybe, just to show how the whole island slopes up towards the volcano. That sounds awesome! But I have no idea how to do that. Profiles:"it, non" ................................. XDI notice, that the olmak is not on the banned list. Is that because, the teleportation scrambler would make it useless anyways? Well fudge mcmuffins. How did I not catch that one? Fixed.NPC's:"Swervarian" - ?Eh, it's sort of an epic, sort of serveral RPGs. He comes from the Island of Avoidance, which the inhabitants call "Swerv". So, they are Swervarian. Confusing to everyone except Parugi, a few others who play Day Run, and I. Just ignore it.Do Gerett's teleportation powers work inside the teleportation scrambler? Hey! Guess who didn't think of that? *raises hand* No, they wouldn't work. Or perhaps I should make it only a few yards at a time, so as it can still be used, just not to fast travel across the island. Fixed.Typo's:Beginning of the second paragraph, "laid" should be "lay". Ugh. *Glares at Microsoft Word* I bet you can't guess who told me "lay" was the wrong word to use. Fixed.All in all sound like a very good rpg! Very mysterious, you almost make me want to play just so I can find out what secrets it holds! Thanks for the review!

Yes, Blade. All questions can be asked in the review topic so as to keep this topic uncluttered.

EW, I'm going down the list of RPGs. Yours is the second one after I finally do TPtI's. And I don't have that done because at the time it would have been a double post.Plus that works both ways, you know. You could actually *gasp* review a different RPG first and then ask them to review yours! *Skips off to review Island of Pain*

Oh, the questions! There are some things, like why are they called Rhaks (do they go “Rhak! Rhak! Rhak!” when they’re doing their wolf howls, or something?) I do mention in the Summary, I believe, that everyone started calling them Rhaks because of their reptilian and almost Rhahkshi like appearance. So that question is answered. Then there are questions like, “Why does nobody just fly over the trees. I mean, with a Mask of Flight, you can just fly to the far end of the island and land on that big mountain. Nobody has a mask of flight?Yeah, this is something I wasn't really sure how to mention. But I guess I'll give a roundabout answer stating facts. The canopy is very thick. And the trees and plants seem to resist everything that is used against them. People can try flight, but they will find that they can not pass through the canopy. It's sort of a surpise I was going to spring on the first person who tried to fly. XDAnd no toa of air on the fifth ship said, “Hey, toa of water in the back corner, let’s work together and get rid of this storm so we can dock!”. Things like that which you have to wonder about.*Facepalm* Wow, I never thought of that. That is something I need to fix. -Toa Levacius Zehvor Thanks for the review!

Ooh, Dinosaur Banner. Heh, mysterious and foreboding, I like that.Yeah, Dinosaurs! I tried to make it darker so that you couldn't tell what the creature was, but I think it does ok like this. And yes, very foreboding with mystery.Dun dun duuun... Creepy. I have always wanted a RP set in a jungle, and the rain makes it even better for me.Yeah, like with Ocean Cruise before it, I made the location something that I really wanted to play in. The rain just gives it this mood which I think is awesome, but it is also my own RPG I'm talking about. Mysteries, and the supernatural. I really like what you have going here.Yeah I knew I wrote something awesome when Dreamland almost won last contest. I just have this thing for RPGs and mysteries and hidden powers locked away. (Also tournaments, but let's not mention that right now. XD)lolHey, it's always an option. Aggresive plants are aggresive, and to my liking. I just wonder if just four trailers will be enough.Trailers for everyone to sleep in, yes, they should be. Although I need to include a few characters with powers over gravity to explain how the rather large trailers got up the only bay passage.I'm not sure how well this group will work out. I mean, what are they supposed to do? They want to make boats, but none of them seem to know how. Ugh, how did I not remember to put in the main reason they came on the trip? Wow. Edited.Rules are rules are rules.Yes, yes they are.There are two Weapons slots. Also, I think we need a faction slot.Wow, once again I astound myself. Fixed on both accounts.The multiple "He also"s are somewhat awkward looking.Changed.The Rhak reminds me of my own Gwolth from .The Digression.But did your Gwoth have lots of friends?

All and all, this is to my liking. I don't know if I will play, though. I have another RP planned off Site, and if The Captain is entering... But I would defiantly try this out, and hope for the time.Thanks for the review!

Hey, maps aren't everything. My map is basically nothing, considering that nothing has been explored yet. And you could always ask someone to make you a map. I know that someone in past contests made maps for people.