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Kaleidoscope Tekulo

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Blog Entries posted by Kaleidoscope Tekulo

  1. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    During my travels, I have happened upon the dwelling of a dork in his naural habitat. The walls are lined with LEGO sets from a bygone era, and the couches collapse at strange places.
     
    They speak of things such as Phoenix Wright and Professor Layton whilst munching on snacks. Wiimotes are haphazardly scattered across the tables, and there appears to be a helmet of some sort next to Mardi Gras beads.
     
    I do not know how long I can last in such a place, yet I must press on. This begins my first night staying at...
     
    AKANO'S APARTMENT OF TERROR
     
    Wish me luck... but more importantly
     
    GET OFF MY LAWN!
    ~Tekulo <3
  2. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    I spent Thanksgiving being a social recluse and playing Phoenix Wright. I'm on Rise from the Ashes, and I'm cross examining Officer Meekins.
     
    He is a dumb.
     
    Anyway, Akano has gone back to whence he came. But I'm also going to visit him in about a week, so there's that.
     
    GET OFF MY LAWN!
    ~Tekulo <3
  4. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    Gravity Falls

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    So, I've pretty much decided that my favorite episode is The Inconveniencing. Well, it's my favorite so far anyway. There are still a couple episodes left for me to change my mind.
     
    But everything about the episode is just so golden that it's hard to top for me.
    -A haunted mini mart
    -The Lamby Lamby dance
    -The Dutchess Approves
    -Smile Dip
    -Teenagers with their new-fangled rap music
     
    A toast to Ma and Pa! Kudos for getting those kids off your lawn!
     
    Speaking of which
     
    GET OFF MY LAWN!
    ~Tekulo <3
  5. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Decided to actually finish the series by picking up where I left off. So, I started book five from the beginning earlier this month and I have only about two hundred pages left. Too bad I have a bunch of stuff spoiled for me for the next two books thanks to the internet and A Very Potter Musical.
     
    ...
     
    I watched A Very Potter Musical too. So much Potter, help.
  6. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    Sometimes...

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    Sometimes I feel like the world needs more feline leaders.
     
    And then I remember what the world is really like.
     
    And then things are sad.
     
    =\
     
    (One of these days I will use my blog for important things. Today is not that day)
  7. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Saw this one recently when browsing old movies. It's a Cinderella musical, and it's one that I quite enjoyed.
     
    The characters were fun and engaging, the dance numbers were impressive and the songs were catchy, silly and other times lovely.
     
    Other than that, I recently got The Muppet Show on DVD, and ahhhh it's the best thing ever. I love how it has culture and big celebrity names (and cheesy jokes). They don't make 'em like they used to. Miss Piggy might just be my favorite character.
     
    Well then, Billy,
    GET OFF MY LAWN!
    ~Tekulo <3
  8. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Been waking up each morning with either a sigh or light sobbing. =/
     
    Been brushing my cat's fur with a comb and been trying to treat them well. I lost my best friend, but... to them I think it's been like losing a sister. They both have been snoozing a lot and I've been trying to make sure they get up and eat.
     
    At any rate, I think the garden out back is good enough to ward off racoons and wild dogs among other things that would try to dig her up (honestly the real danger would be the neighborhood dogs, but uh... not too worried since there are plenty of creepy crawlies out here in the summer. XD)
     
    So, I'm going to cover the area in topsoil today. I still need to weed out some stones big enough to circle off the area. And after that it's back to hitting the books. Things are really slow at work right now (which is a little odd because we've only had a little bit of rain. People just don't like nature anymore, I guess. And, like, I get it because I'm a shut-in by nature, but... like, the pollen is not that bad after it rains. =/)
     
    My avocado sappling is doing great now compared to before. I added in an earthworm and some ants to help it along early last month. It's been doing wonders.
  9. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    So, came out to my parents (kinda sorta. Like, I didn't say it straight out, but they kiiinda put the pieces together that I'm queer at the very least). My dad isn't too thrilled, but he understands the science behind it, and he was actually kinda supportive with my mom. Weird.
     
    I really don't think I'm in a good place to start dating just yet anyway, so I don't mind it, really. ^^;
     
    At any rate, I think volunteer work will do me some good to keep active, but I'm going to keep working on getting a job first. A fresh start sounds refreshing, because having your life flash before your eyes and then be living at home is... Well, it can be a little overwhelming, to say the least.
     
    Speaking of volunteer work, I'm donating my hair this month. It is fabulous; a natural curl and a nice dark brown color. I'm going to include a hand-written note if they'll allow it. ^^;
     
    Things at my current job are still weird. I'm even more spacey than usual, and things are getting humid and warm (not great for my lungs with all of the pollen). I've been communicating and tossing ideas around, and it seems like people are acting a little less stressed out around me at least. There are a couple of LGBT+ people at work too, so hopefully they take my advice about the job. Everyone in the kitchen staff during my time there has been more on the artistic and open-minded side of things in general, and we've always been pretty close-knit and had each other's backs. Our issues were almost always completely ignored, though. Not exactly the best situation for someone with anxiety.
     
    The food industry is such a weird one. XD
     
    I have good contacts, though, and, like, every religious person I've spoken to has been surprisingly accepting and willing to listen. Apparently I can be good at this. XD I mean... the situation still isn't great, mind you, but... I mean, if I ever showed up with a guy someday I think the awkward zone would be managable. (Oh geez, I can picture it now... The looks we'd get just holding hands down the street... XD)
     
    My pets have been a huge support too. ^^
     
    I think I have a nice nickname for my future kid; Link. Robin Williams was a huge part of my childhood, and he was a fan of the game series Legend of Zelda. Actually, Ocarina of Time was one of the first video games I really got into, and it helped me bond with my best friend from childhood (like, it was all we would talk about. XD). It's kinda the reason why green became my favorite color (It used to be red). Granted while adopting, it would only be an affectionate term. I think it would be a good reminder while my head is jumping from subject to subject as an adult. ^^;
     
    So... maybe in around... five to ten years? Who knows?
  10. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    I've been in a scary place lately. Little PSA here, guys: You never know who is or isn't on anxiety medication and you never know who is going to go super logic-jump crazy. XD
     
    So, when you take medication, be sure to get your blood work done, work with your doctors, ask what the risks are, and be sure to eat healthy.
     
    I'm doing fine, though, and I kinda came to a big life decision.
     
    Eventually, some day... I kinda want to adopt a kid. ^^;
     
    So, um. Thanks for listening when I needed it, BZP. I really appreciate it. ^^
  11. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    So, drama happens a lot here in the blogs, and on this website in general.
     
    It happens, not too big a deal to me personally unless the staff feel the need to get involved. And even then, I'm always open to a little chit chat and a few apologies.
     
    So, why on the internet of all places do people feel the need to get so upset? Is it because we really are nasty people who hide behind anonymity? Is it because we are constantly at war and hate all semblance of peace out of our nature?
     
    No. My intuition is telling me otherwise. Why? Because I am lacking information before I can make a judgement call. What information am I missing over a text-based form of communication?
     
    There is more than one way for language to occur. It is a subjective artform like anything, when you get down to it.
     
    What are we missing from text? Tone of voice.
     
    On BZP a little while back, I believe a member here started a topic informing us about the Myers Briggs personality type quiz. It caught on as a fad in the blogs as I recall. I participated as well. I have taken that test multiple times on a few different tests (Three or four times if I can recall). Every answer has been INFJ. Introverted iNtuition Feeling Judging. Now this is strange. The definition of INFJ is defined as a "protector" So, why have I felt the need to lash out at people on this website?
     
    Tone. A lack of one. From my understanding of psychology, the human brain works on intuition. When there is an information gap, the brain works in overdrive to come up with a number of possibilities for an explanation. This is why I do not like to speak over people. It brings out the worst in us.
     
    And this is a problem I feel is in the field of psychology; people are speaking over each other. I have heard many stories of therapists that spoke over their patients saying "You have this disorder" or "You have that because that's what it says in the books." or worse "because I'm the doctor, now let me do my job.". These stories from friends have always ended with them being offended and thinking the field of psychology is simply too corrupted to be worth it. This is a problem. By failing to provide proper information to patients, psychologists are making their therapy patients doubt and fear. That sounds counter-intuitive to me, personally.
     
    That is my personal issue with the field.
     
    From my studies in school, there were psychologists working to fix this in history. Look up Wilhelm Wundt. I believe he was credited with introducing the revolutionary idea of self-analysis to the field. It was ignored at first, but then another psychologist researched his methods and the problem has been minimized over time. To me, this is how progress happens. Proper communication of issues. If you don't trust me as a source, please feel free to research my claims. I will respect you for it tenfold. Bonus points for providing me with the main article.
     
    So, being an introvert, I noticed a few quirks in debates that set me off.
     
    There is nothing more annoying than someone expecting to agree with your opinion by ending it as a question, yeah?
     
    Sometimes those well-meaning smiley eyes can come off as a bit smug or pretentious.
     
    The happy smiley faces don't do much either for me.
     
    So, why do I feel set off by these? I was bullied as a kid. I grew up feeling opressed. I always avoided eye contact (still have trouble with that), I preoccupied myself with noticing other things (their clothing, their mannerisms, their hair, etc). When I was a child I had two dogs. Every night I would blow them a kiss each. Today when I see my sole surviving dog, I feel the need to give her two quick pecks. When I see a dog in general, this habbit comes up. This is learned behavior that I taught myself, in my opinion.
     
    So, how do we fix this? ^^;
     
    Is there a way to make sentences come off a bit less aggressive? >.<
     
    I personally think so. 8D
     
    With smiley faces that show more than just the eyes, I feel we can pick up more with our intuition. ^^"
     
    Just the eyes can seem cold to me. >.> I always avoided a piercing gaze growing up, and I hated feeling spoken over, yeah?
     
    This can give text tone. I think they're cute. ;-;
     
    So, please, let's stop complaining about the smiley faces everywhere, alright? I think these guys are important. ^^;
     
    I will be sure to include them in future entries.
     
    To me, when I see a gay an LGBT+ person or a minority upset with me, my mind does this annoying thing where I wonder if they hate me for who I am, or think they think I hate them. >.< To me that's a problem. =\ I am a minority, I shouldn't feel that way about others. I am a human being, I shouldn't feel offended over an objective label. >.< It's just some me-work I need to improve on. ^^;
     
    And it's okay. It's not the worst thing in the world. ^^; It just means we should be a little more thoughtful is all. :D
  12. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Personally I like the aspect of a hardened character feeling cheated out of a normal life. I could relate to that on the level of my personal orientation and how it's viewed. Arguably being gay for me is linked to a personal loss in a way. (I am not saying it is this way for every gay person ever, every situation is different, and yes, there are LGBT+ people out there who could have always been comfortable with their orientation and I do not mean to imply otherwise. Tl;dr, please agree to disagree with me on this, I'm trying to speak for myself here, not to speak over anyone else. Sorry if this is annoying, but we're talking about representation here, and arguably I'm not the easiest person to read, and this is a text-based communication which is more or less proven to make people read too much into things, so here we are).
     
    Basically, for me, being aware of my orientation and choosing to remain closeted at a young age has put a damper on literally every personal relationship I have ever formed. I'm still not out to my parents, and I love my family (despite me being angsty). I'm more or less convinced at this point that coming out to them would change things. There are loads of people telling people like me stuff like "haters gonna hate" and "don't let them get to you" but when someone problematic is that close to me, honestly, it makes things challenging. And when I don't know how someone will react to my orientation, then this really horrible thing happens: I doubt. My brain goes into overdrive and I think of every potentially horrible thing they could do to hurt me. I will say this again, I love my family. But the truth is, if I told them right now, things would be bad for both them and me, to put it lightly. It gets to the point where I feel the need to map out a battle plan to tell them about a part of my identity. I need to use tact and keep my wits about me just to communicate a part of my identity to my family. And honestly? It's stressful. I find myself wishing my situation could resemble that of a majority; an orientation that was considered normalized. If I were the norm, though (heterosexual) then that would be the equivalent to sacrficing a part of my integrity and personal identity. That isn't an option for me. I'm having such a hard time dealing with all of this that honestly, I don't want to tell my parents to spare them from everything I am dealing with. And there is more to it than just that, there are also selfish reasons, but I'll digress.
     
    So, if that was the idea they were going with; a character that put up a stiff upper lip but also longed for a life that was socially considered "normal" then it's true that I could probably relate to that character on some level. The issue with that is, what character representation do I consider I have as a gay man with this in mind?
     
    There's Danny Phantom. He kept a secret from his parents who were prejudiced against a part of his identity. I can relate to him to a point on some level. The moment where Jazz told Danny that she was there for him, and that even if he thought she wouldn't understand, he could tell her anything. Take notes people; you never know who is closeted and who needs support (and I need to follow that advice because honestly I kinda suck at this myself). Though, he was shipped with Wes. He was also half ghost and could turn intangible and fly.
     
    There's Aang; a protagonist who suffered a personal loss and initially kept his identity as the Avatar a secret. He did it because the airbending kids treated him differently after they knew he was the Avatar. He also valued pacifistic means even when he faced the Big Bad. Respect. Though, he was shipped with Katara. Also he grew up as a monk unlike me, and he was a master airbender by age twelve, was frozen for one hundred years and was besties with a giant two ton floating bison.
     
    There's Lewa. He goofed up and messed up time after time. But he also learned and his experience has saved the toa and helped them to better understand their enemies. But he's a biomechanical robot with air powers that can't decide on which dialect to use.
     
    There's Korra; a character who struggled and worked through a lot of personal issues (something I'm in the process of doing to seek help). Her orientation has also been confirmed to fit in the LGBT+ spectrum, which I personally find awesome. She also did master all four elements and has a light spirit living inside of her.
     
    There's Mulan. She struggles with an inner image and fights for equal treatment and respect. But she's also a war hero that works with a travel-sized-for-her-convenience dragon.
     
    There's also Katara who had suffered a personal loss and arguably allowed that loss combined with a betrayed trust to become prejudiced (against Zuko). Katara hated him. You know how Zuko handled it? He asked why and questioned how to fix the problem and did something about it. Even when Aang tried to talk her out of her revenge scheme, he acknowledged that it was a journey that she had to take, but pleaded her to reconsider and forgive the man that took her mother from her. And she never forgave him. But she was still able to move past it and forgave Zuko. And... that's the kind of character I truly admire because I see a lot of myself in that, especially during my life right now. It's like, finally a story was saying it's okay to break down, let it out and then move on. And that it didn't make me any less human to feel like Katara. Though, she is a waterbender and she did get kinda murderous.
     
    There's Modern Family with Mitchel and Cameron. Mitchel has a few scenes with his personal relationship with his father, a less than progressive man. There are a few scenes that are way feelsy to me on that level. The fact that Mitchel and his father can coexist even while being on opposed sides is... it's not fantastic, arguably, seeing that my own situation could lead to (and likely will lead to imo) passive aggressive turmoil with my family over something like this, but the fact that there is an area of media that I consume that addresses that issue in a small way is... I don't even have the words for how happy that makes me feel. Cameron also deals with members of his family that are less than tolerant (his grandmother, iirc). But, look at that. I'm a single dude who has never had a relationship and I am also not a father, nor do I plan to have children.
     
    These are just the characters that came to mind off the top of my head. I mean, to someone else who doesn't know my situation, this could sound like a whiny complaint. However, only two of these characters are gay men. Am I supposed to be content with the fact that only a handful of the characters I like share my orientation?
     
    There's also a flip side to this: A lot of villain characters tend to have tragic backstories where life was unfair and they tried to change things (Like Kuvira. It's also why I personally love how Korra said she saw a lot of herself in Kuvira, and yet Korra considers everyone's best interests when trying to help change the world, unlike Kuvira). I could go on about this, but it's probably an entry for another day. I'm rambling way too much with this one as it is.
     
    This all can sound very silly, even borderline stupid and nitpicky, but consider this: I am a person who, from a young age, has felt rejected by a number of things. The religion my parents follow arguably has a dogma against people like me. The opinions and preconceived notions my parents have formed by not supporting LGBT+ rights has lead me to doubt them (and it is a religion I feel they want me to follow, so that can make me feel like I'm simply not enough). The opinions from childhood friends who thought gays were something to be feared lead me to doubt them and myself, and so I cut ties. The bullies that picked on me for being overweight had lead to me doubting that I could ever be happy with my body type. The decision I made when I came out to my brothers has lead me to questioning whether or not they will out me to my parents. Coming out on this site has lead me to worry that I will merely be seen as a pedantic, complaining fool. It has also made me worry there will be people who will say I'm only pretending to be gay in order to reap the rewards of a handful of upvotes. I have worried, feared and stressed and felt a need to validate myself to all of these. And now I feel I have to turn around and do the same pedantics for character representation out of a sense of duty.
     
    When talking about fictional works, there is an argument that "We're talking about a fictional story where x shoots y from their z. You are looking too far into this. You cannot relate to this situation because you are a and they are b."
     
    Heck, I even remember a bunch of backlash when J.K. Rowling revealed that Dumbledore was gay. Personally I think it's awesome to see a gay character in a popular story.
     
    Know who were the ones with the backlash? The people nitpicking like me; what I'm doing right now.
     
    This is my life. I see contradiction after contradiction and I feel the only way to move forward is to press on in some way, shape or form. It's exhausting, but if I don't start working on this, then what good am I ever going to be to anyone else? And that's my personal opinion. Not everyone needs to agree with it. But it's mine. I get to decide what I feel, I get to form my own opinions, and that is not an objective stance anyone else gets to decide. And my opinions are going to change with more information I take in. It's a life long process.
     
    When talking about representation, I feel the need to use tact whenever I express an opinion on what I do and do not relate with. I already face that in almost every other aspect of my life because of my orientation. But, if I don't automatically fall in love completely with any scrap of representation I'm expected to relate to because of someone else's opinion (You're gay, they're gay, you should be relating, so stop complaining), then I am "whining" and "some people just can't be satisfied" and "oh, that's cute, the peanut gallery is complaining again."
     
    A part of me is totally fed up with feeling a need to validate my existence for almost every aspect of my life. But giving up and quitting isn't going to help anyone.
     
    Feminism is a movement that is working to fix this. Even if I can't catch a break on some level, it could mean the next kid with a similar situation to mine can be less stressed out over what I am stressing out about. The only way that is going to happen, in my opinion, is with proper communication of the issues. And I guess that's why I'm blogging this entry right now.
     
    Am I a feminist? I question that, actually, like I question everything. Still, the more I look into the issues, the more educated I'll become, and the more my opinions will change. It's why I'm looking into LGBT+ literature right now to fill in an educational gap that I should have done the moment I realized my orientation was queer, imo.
     
    So, comments on this entry will be allowed. However, I will filter comments on this entry because this is sensitive stuff here. Feel free to disagree and debate in a respectful tone (I actually encourage that), but please do not just get angry that my opinions don't match your own. Feel free to send me personal comments via PM, but just know I have every right to not care that you're upset with me, the same way you have every right to not care that I posted a blog entry.
  13. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    So, I'm honestly not great at debates. I like picking the unpopular opinion and looking more into why people disagree in the first place. Call me crazy or a hypocrite or whatever, but I believe there are two sides to every story. No matter how prejudiced or biased I may be initially, my opinions tend to change with more information that I pick up.
     
    And, yeah, it's easy to write off that other group of people as being totally stupid for having opinions (and let's be honest, threats occurred on both sides of the spectrum, so no hiding behind "they are crazy because they have that opinion" because that's not thinking logically or using your brain. Also, sending threats to people over movie opinions is just plain acting like a child who can't be bothered to articulate their thoughts). But hey, nobody's perfect. Everyone is problematic on some level, including me.
     
    Anyway, I know I'm never a popular guy when I explore an unpopular opinion, but I would rather explore why people are upset in the first place and admit defeat and learn a thousand times over than I would stay quiet and remain ignorant. (Even if it is just something as silly as a debate over movies)
     
    So, mild rant over. According to blog policy, feel free to hit me over the head with any object of your choosing.
  14. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    So I've started playing this game again after... seven months, about. I'm still towards the beginning, but I'm liking things so far. I set Shiki to auto play while I destroy noise on the bottom screen. That seems to be working well so far, although pigs are still fleeing too quickly. I like the dynamic between Shiki and Neku. Also it's nice having an introverted protagonist. I think the game handles it well.
     
    Also grinding is actually fun in this game. Something about using the stylus to strike is oddly rewarding. Glad I picked this game up. ^^
     
    As for what I think is going on... I have no idea. After a seven month gap, I'm kinda fuzzy on facts, and I don't want to look online because it looks like a lot of work went into the story, and I don't want to spoil it.
  15. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    So, a friend and I tried our luck at a few stores today. We didn't manage to get the Bob's Burgers comic that was out, but I did manage to find an Avatar The Last Airbender story featuring Ty Lee and Toph. And, like, I didn't know those two would get along that well.
     
    All in all, a fun afternoon.
     
    Now then, there are adult things I should attend to. Freelancer powers, activate! Away! Wooosh!
     
    ~Nigel
  17. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    Daredevil

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    I have not been on board the Superhero craze at all lately. I even thought Guardians of the Galaxy was just okay. But I love a good antihero. And Daredevil is definitely a good antihero.
     
    Action, drama, shipping, ships that actually develop at a natural pace with the story, backstories, interesting characters, vigilante justice.
     
    The only thing this series doesn't have are cyan explosions shaped like cats. I'm hopeful on that front, though.
  20. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    tl;dr

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    I honestly never wanted to be gay, and I certainly wasn’t keen on discovering I was nonbinary. I knew there was a stigma and I just wanted to be normal. I could have stayed totally closeted, but that wasn’t really sustainable. I’m out now, but instead of just cashing in on attention, I just want to represent myself properly to other people. I mean, crazy as it sounds, on some level it’s possible I’ve always been a regular human being with the same desires and dreams as anyone. Okay, so maybe I’m different, but honestly what two people are the same? It’s really nothing to glorify or hate. I want more people to recognize and acknowledge that. That’s it.
  24. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    Notice

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    I am no longer calling them MOC-OC's. (Mock-Oh-see).
     
    I am now referring to them as MOCs (mocks) because it's easy enough and splitting hairs on what to call fan creations is pedantic.
     
    I still may call them MOC-OCs in my head and giggle at random. Feel free to judge, but just know I will not forget such an action.
     
    SMASHING!
     
    ~Nigel
  25. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Realized I hadn't done one of these in a while.
     
    So, yeah, literally any topic is on the table (within bzp rules of course).
     
    Just know that while my username is currently Nigel Thornberry, my actual understanding of zoology is rather limited. XP
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