Phovos

It's funny how you all said he looks dangerous, but I think he looks really cute. Wheel-ly amazing.

So, it's quiet around here. Will we be having a Summer Expo? Or maybe a contest or something? I mean, the Fortnightly flash fiction contests ignore us and the Epics section completely... I'm sorry, I just fancied bumping and making the pinned section more interesting...

I'm going out. Mind grabbing me some cookies and chocolate while you're gone? No. Aw. Pity. But at least you're talking now! ... Drat. Don't be a pain, Vorahk. We've got plenty of potato chips here... And poker chips! Omnomnom! They're not edible. They're not? Gah. Explains why angry. Could not get wrapping off. Seriously? Yes. Oh well. For plastic, they taste nice anyway! So what's actually on TV? Dunno. I was busy connecting it to the satellite. During which I ate all the prawn cocktail flavoured crisps. Potato chips. Crisps. Takes less time to say. Fine. Bye. Have fun, Guurahk! Thank you. Talk more! ... Why do you always do that!?! Because. Imbeciles all round. Oh, that's rich, coming from the guy who tried to eat poker chips. Did not eat. Struggled with wrapper. Yeah, to be fair, at least Kurahk didn't try and eat them. True... Panrahk, stop picking at the sofa. Sorry... I just want to break things... Go outside then. Or go out with Guurahk. But Guurahk is dull and doesn't speak! :X Whatever. Just stop breaking the furniture. Wait, Lerahk, since when were you the boss? Since you decided that you wanted to have children with a Krana-controlled robot. I never said that! You suggested it. Pffft. Really? And gah, I just spat crumbs everywhere... What a waste... Ew. No licking. Not from floor. I have to eat everything. No you don't! Whatever. I'm going to sit in the corner and nom on the edge of this giant frozen pizza I bought myself. PIZZA? Can I has plz? Only if you heat it up for me. Sure! I'll put it in the microwave! Guurahk has a microwave? You'd be surprised how much stuff Guurahk has. Unlike the rest of us, he's not lacking in the brain department. That's harsh. You're not dumb. Yeah, but I capture Matoran, drug them then eat them. That... That sounds like normal Rahkshi behaviour... Eh. HI! High. With a GH in it. Okay, got it! So, what's on? WWE Raw. Boring. It's all staged. Oh yeah, but some of the fights are good... The drama isn't... I hate the drama. And bloody John Cena. I'd love it if Lerahk got his claws on him and tore him a new one. Hehe... Um, guys? Yes? I think I broke it... What? Oh... Flames. I'll go get the fire extinguisher...

Nuhvok growled as he neatly teleported himself into the middle of the town square. He really didn't want to do this, but orders were orders. Stupid Bahrag, making him do things. Stupid everything. And stupid Tahnok for being ill. Stupid, stupid Tahnok! Should have just let his personality be erased. What was the worst that could happen? Oh yeah, this. "Hey, Matoran! I just thought I'd give you a ten minute warning before I start destroying things. I'm pretty sorry about this. I mean, I like destroying stuff, but on my own terms. The bloody Bahrag are making me be evil for a bit. So I apologise in advance. Okay? Good..." With the apology out of the way, Nuhvok sat on top of the fountain in the town square. He was quite sure that no one had paid any attention. Their loss. He did warn them. Maybe, after he'd eaten that sandwich he'd just lifted off the table from a nearby restaurant, he'd make another warning. Or not, as there seemed to be a large blaze heading his way. No, not one of those freaky creatures from Minecraft, just ye olde average fire, tearing down a nearby street. "PAHRAK!" Nuhvok shouted, knowing exactly who was behind the fire. "We're not supposed to start for another eight minutes! Bahrag's orders!" There was no reply. So Nuhvok shouted again. That fire was actually getting pretty close now. "Pahrak?" Nope, no reply. Oh well. Nuhvok was bored waiting for those last eight minutes to pass. He decided to investigate. Turns out, it wasn't Pahrak at all, but a dragon. The dragon landed on top of the restaurant where Nuhvok had stolen that (admittedly rather dry) sandwich. "What do you want?" Nuhvok sighed. "Did you not get my message?" "What message?" "The one in which the Bahrag stated that a dragon can only come out of a portal when they have been ordered to." "Oh. That one. Sorry, Nuhvok-Kal." "No worries. Now get back home before I tell on you." "Tattle-tail." "Ugly fat dragon." "Gah..." With the dragon gone, Nuhvok decided to put out the fire. Otherwise it would have destroyed everything before he'd even gotten started. Compulsory destruction was bad enough, compulsory destruction with nothing to destroy is far worse. With the fire put out and the dragon gone and Phovos using stupid run-on sentences, Nuhvok wandered what else he could do. After a few moments of thought, he grabbed his mobile phone and turned on the 3G internet connection that Tahnok had got for him. Maybe he'd browse through that Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings thread or something. He paused for a bit, re-reading the last comment, trying to work out who Teekay was. It seems that only this Arkay guy knew who he was. Hopefully this Teekay would come along and kill the Bahrag or something. Or at least annoy Tahnok for a bit. The alarm went off on his phone. Nuhvok sighed. It was time to destroy things. But there was a Matoran in the way. "Erm, hi..." "Hello, Nuhvok." It was Macku. If Nuhvok had rolled his eyes any harder, he'd be staring at his own Krana. "What do you want?" "Oh, nothing!" "Don't lie." "I just wanted to... HIYAAAAAH!" Macku suddenly bashed Nuhvok on the head with her Kohlii stick. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Nuhvok shouted, throwing Macku to one side. "Nothing..." Nuhvok was about to grab Macku and throw her into space when something occurred to him. "Huh... You know what, that could work!" And just like that, Nuhvok disappeared. "Phew, that was close..." Macku sighed.

"Erm... Where am I?" Tahnok-Kal blinked repeatedly. There was a nice, smoldering crater around him, with sparks of electricity flying around. Everything was dark, but there were things that seemed to glow in the shadows and stuff. Also, he could hear someone coming. "Whoever that is, if your name is Teekay, I am going to cut out your throat and turn your lungs into a set of bagpipes... So you'd better not be Teekay!" The voice was harsh, with a thick British and it was coming from the being now peering into the crater. "Oh, you're not Teekay at all... Wait..." Tahnok was about to introduce himself when the creature did it for him. "You're that Tahnok guy, right? One of those crazy friends my brother has?" "Your brother..? Veekay?" "Darn. You're a Bohrok. Crazy little gits, aren't you?" "Not really. You're Veekay's brother? You're a Threavok?" "The name's Arkay. Nice to meet you." "Tahnok-Kal. Nice to meet you too." A different voice entirely interrupted them. "Arkay, do you know what this red Kshan wannabe is?" Both Tahnok-Kal and Arkay looked around. At the top of the crater was some huge, 3m tall monster, holding a Turahk by the neck. "That's not a Kshan, whatever that is, that's a Rahkshi..." Tahnok sighed. "The wrong Rahkshi..." "Oh, hello!" the monster smiled. "He's a Bohrok, before you get angry..." Arkay pointed out. "So you can put your Staff of Deitic Banishment away." The other creature didn't move. "Are you sure?" "He only has two eyes, for Threa's sake." "Kronospasts can shapeshift." "If he was a Kronospast, don't you think he would have run away by now?" "Good point..." "Can I talk now?" "No." "Ignore Tenuk. He's just grumpy." "I'm grumpy because you and I are stuck here in the Spasm and Retvik and Elksia are probably living a life of luxury." "You seriously think they're having a good time? They're probably stuck in the Ordera or something..." Tenuk growled then wandered off, dropping the Turahk on the floor as he did so. The Turahk scurried along the ground and wrapped himself around Tahnok, much to his embarrassment. "Gah, he's gonna be like that for ages now..." Arkay sighed. "So... Want to come with us?" Tahnok nodded his head. "Yes, that would be nice..." "I'll come too..." the Turahk smiled. "Please?" "Only if Tahnok-Kal says you can..." "Fine..." "YAY!"

Okay, you're all fed, I'm going to leave now... Hopefully Tahnok will be okay... I really hope he's okay... Good luck, Bohrok! Pahrak. My name's Pahrak. Good luck, Palak! ... Hey, Panrahk, can I ask you a question please? Sure! Are you intentionally acting dumb or are you just dumb? I'm actually a qualified doctor. Really? Yes. And I was considering scolding you for nearly giving Turahk an overdose of that tranquilizer, but never mind. You're actually a doctor? Erm, Vorahk, you have BBQ sauce all around your mouth... I do? Oh... Thanks... Lick lick lick... Yes, I am, but I pretend to be a moron to put everyone off talking to me. Why would we not want to speak to you? You're way more interesting than I-Never-Speak Guurahk over there... ... Don't give me that look! At least it wasn't Turahk giving you that look... True... Where is Turahk? Outside. Reading. I'm back! What did the note say? Tahnok apparently wrote it, but considering that he spelled 'Turahk' wrong five times... Obviously Tahnok didn't write it then. Or he was drunk. Or that. I don't think he wrote it at all. I think, and I'm saying this as a doctor and not as your brother, that you really need to let go of this Bohrok. Constantly thinking about him is making you ill. Since when were you a doctor? We discussed this when you were outside. Ohhh. Let's face it, Turahk, you messed up. I think you should let go too. I also vote for Turahk letting go. It's a vote now? Yes. Cannot make own decisions. ... Guurahk, what do you think? If someone mentions the word Bohrok again, I will punch them. There we go, five votes to one. I guess you guys are right... Mind if I finish off your meat, Guurahk? ... I'll take that as a yes then. TV stand. Now built. I thought we were going to build that TV stand together? Yeah Talk too much. Got bored. Never mind. At least we can set up that TV. Oh, that's easy. Just plug that in there and put that in there and... And the DVD player... Got that... Yeah... That goes in there, nice and snug... You done yet? I want to eat a large rack of ribs in front of that screen. Almost... Vorahk, you are always hungry... I thought we went over this in the first chapter? I am always hungry. I am the Rahkshi of hunger. And when I don't eat people's strength and power, I start craving junk food. Heck, I ate half that shopping we did before we even got home. Because he's a slob. Am not! I can't help being hungry! It's a curse! The same way that Turahk's cursed with constant lust and the desire to fall in love with a Bohrok... OW! What was that for, Guurahk? You said Bohrok again. That's not a curse, that's a friendship gone horribly wrong. Okay, what about Kurahk's inability to speak in proper senses? Or Lerahk's addiction to drugs? I'm not addicted to drugs. You like putting drugs in other people though. Anyone else here ever seen Lerahk's place? It's horrible. What's in Lerahk's place? Okay, fine, I admit it. I enjoy capturing Matoran, drugging them, paralyzing them and then slowly eating them... But... Guys! Guys! We all have our flaws! Let's calm down a bit, right? Is the TV done? Yes. Okay, let's all shut up and watch the wrestling... Sure.

"Oh, you're finally back, Pahrak!" Nuhvok tapped his foot angrily. "I went to a parallel universe and got my job done way before you did, and all you had to do was cook a meal for a bunch of snakes..." "I'm sorry, but time flows differently in The Rahkshi's Ramblings... I thought I was only gone a day..." Pahrak sighed. "Enough, you two!" Kohrak interrupted. "Bahrag, we've done what you wanted. Now fix Tahnok!" The Bahrag stared at Kohrak for a moment, before laughing heartily. They laughed for what seemed like ages before actually saying anything of any use to the current conversation. "We've already fixed him." The five Bohrok blinked. "You have?" "Then why did you send us on all those silly missions?" "You MADE ME DESTROY OUR OWN HOME FOR MATA NUI'S SAKE!" Kohrak was shaking with anger. For a Bohrok, that's quite a feat. Once again, the Bahrag laughed, taking forever to stop and explain themselves. "Can you stop laughing, please? You're making this entire conversation incredibly awkward..." Nuhvok sighed. "Sorry, kids..." Cahdok wiped a tear from her eye. "But what we've done is hilarious... At least to us..." Gahdok grinned evilly. "Shall I tell them or do you want the pleasure?" "You do it, sister!" "Well, we just let Tahnok's personality be erased. And then we dumped him in the main universe where your buddy Veekay is from, along with a random Turahk to annoy the heck out of him when he finally wakes up!" "That's not the best bit though!" "Oh no, you're all our slaves again! Did any of you read the invisible fine print?" "What fine print?" Kohrak asked. "The invisible stuff written in binary at the end of your mission statements!" "WHAT?" Gahlok exclaimed. "Tahnok's the only one who can read binary! And you put the message in white text so we couldn't see it!" "Yep. You're our slaves again and there is nothing you can do about it." The Bahrag started laughing again, going on for a whole two minutes before slowly stopping. "What does this mean for us?" Lehvak asked. "Are we going to be complete and utter mindless slaves or will we still have free will?" "You'll have free will. But we're going to make your lives a misery. Because you are all morons who failed us and you deserve it." "Of course we failed! Because you made a mistake and listened to that Makuta who woke you up early!" Kohrak growled. "If you hadn't woken up early, you would have completed your duty and we would have remained asleep!" The Bahrag both paused, trying to think of a counter argument. But nothing sprung to mind. "Okay, shut up now, Kohrak..." Gahdok sighed. She clicked her claw, and Kohrak suddenly shut down, collapsing on the floor. "Hey! Wake Kohrak up!" Nuhvok demanded. "You want to end up like Kohrak?" Gahdok asked. "No..." "Then shut up then." "Aw..." Cahdok started grinning again. "Hey, sister, I have an idea..." "What is it, sister?" "Let's wake up the Swarms and rain havoc down on everyone..." "GREAT IDEA!"

So you're going to cook for us, Pahrak? Yeah. As an apology for Tahnok. Seems like the Bahrag didn't know what to do with me. They never do. I think it's because they like me slightly more than the other guys because I found them. Cook cook cook! Give me a minute! Do you have an oven? THAT'S WHAT WE FORGOT TO BUY! Wow. Guurahk. He shouted. ... Darn, he's being silent again. Is he always quiet? Yesh! :3 That's a really cute emoticon. Thankies! :3 :3 Don't overuse it. You know how everyone else gets... Good point So, you guys have no oven... Guess it will have to be BBQ Beef. Why do you randomly capitalize letters? Dunno. Ask Phovos. No, don't ask Phovos. Start cooking. I'm hungry. Asking Phovos. Bad idea. Seen what happened. Yeah, that kinda sucked. At least she's not raging here. I'm amazed she hasn't beaten you for using her colour. She uses the slightly darker green. Ohhhh! Eh. Do you guys mind if I make a fire over here? Otherwise I won't be able to cook this beef. Sure. We have a cauldron you can use. You DO? ... Why do you DO THAT? It's SO ANNOYING! Maybe you make him do it? Oh, maybe. Guys, he's Guurahk. He's supposed to be silent and stealthy. Same reason why Kurahk speaks in broken sentences like a moron. Shut up. No time to speak. You just proved my point. Can I use that cauldron please? Guurahk's got it out for you. Thanks! Now, I'll just cut up some vegetables. I'll make you guys a stew, so you can leave it cooking and eat it for the next few days. You won't eat a cow in one sitting, right? Depends on how hungry I get. Oh... Ah... I'll just get on with this, you guys continue with building up your house. It'll be done probably in about four hours. Okie dokie! I <3 cow! You love beef. Cows are horrible, drooling, snotty beasts. Aw, that's unfair. The cows can't defend themselves. Yeah but they could stop with the snotty noses. Cows are nice! Are not. Are too! Dee two. You're a Star Wars fan? No! Don't get him started on Star Wars! Please! We've heard the "Jar Jar Binks is the worst character ever!" rant waaaaaaay too many times! Oh Makuta, Jar Jar Binks is horrible. Oh noes! I'll spare you. For now... Greaaaat. I'm gonna read this note... Alrighty then! We'll get to work building this TV stand, right? I'll set up the TV then. No point having a TV stand if our TV doesn't work, right? Righty right! Hm... Dear Turahk... Read in your head, love. Oops, yeah, I forgot... I'll be honest, I can't read in my head. I think I'm the only person who can... Yeah... I can't do it either... Darn... I'll go outside and read... See you in a bit then.

"No, Phovos! What are you doing? You can't do that!" Lehvak-Kal shouted from outside. "You can't do that at all! This is TRADITION!" The Raptor ignored him and continued plinky-planking on her keyboard. She had that angry, hungry, chocolate-craving look on her face. Lehvak groaned and bashed on the front door. "Phovos! You've been writing the Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings for like five years now! You can't just suddenly change the format! All he suggested was to add in a few brackets! Nothing major!" Still no response. With yet another groan, Lehvak bashed down the door and stormed in, up the stairs, straight into Phovos's bedroom. "Are you even listening?" Phovos glared at the Bohrok. "I'll take that as a no..." Lehvak sighed. "But seriously, don't go all rage-change on us! You still have the rest of this Tahnok-Being-Ill story line to write! Don't tell me that you're seriously going to switch to prose in the middle of a story arc?" With a grunt, Phovos went back to typing. Phovos's eyes and lack of a response were really starting to annoy Lehvak. But he clearly wasn't getting anywhere. "Fine. Be like that. See if we care. As long as we keep our coloured text, do as you please." Lehvak sighed and left the house, walking down the street on his lonesome. After a while, he realised that he was a. talking to himself again and b. he'd walked straight past the Bohrok-Kal's house. Or what was left of it. Kohrak had already started tearing down the building, as he'd been ordered to do by the Bahrag. "What's going on, Lehvak? Why are we all suddenly using prose?" Kohrak asked. "Phovos's raging again. You know what she's like. Sometimes it works out though..." Kohrak sniffed. "I'm gonna miss having a new chapter almost every day..." "Depends on Phovos's work load." "Of course." Kohrak went back to work, disintegrating the kitchen sink. "You wanna help? Also, have you seen Gahlok?" "Gahlok? Yeah. He's heading back now. Last time I saw him, he was actually riding on a Visorak. Gahlok. On a Visorak. And Phovos writing in prose. And Tahnok-Kal possibly dying. You've got to wonder what's going on around here..." "Ah, yeah... At least Gahlok's mission was simple. Still haven't heard anything from Nuhvok. Pahrak send me a message earlier telling me how much he now hated Rahkshi. Apparently there's a dead, rotten Rahi in the back of their cave, stinking the place out. And they don't seem to have an oven or anything, so he's got to make a BBQ or something." Kohrak started breaking up a load of plates and glasses. "Dunno why the Bahrag wanted me to break the kitchen. What do they have against kitchens?" "Kohrak, they're big, fat, scary monsters. Why do they do anything?" "I hope they didn't hear you calling them fat." "They deserve it, looking at the way they treat us." "Well... Oh, hiya, Gahlok! We were just talking about you!" Gahlok skidded to a halt, puffing and panting. "Hi... Hi guys..." "You alright?" Lehvak asked. "Yeah... Did the Bahrag say I had to not be afraid of all spidery things?" Gahlok was still panting. "Erm, I don't think so..." Kohrak replied. "That's kinda impossible. Especially when it's basic instinct to be scared, plus, there are some absolutely huge spidery things out there..." "Ooooh good. I was afraid I'd have to face my fears and be friends with that horrific, Matoran-killing Spiderbeast up in the mountains." "You... You went all the way up there?" Kohrak stuttered. "Yes... Wish I hadn't. I think I lost it about half way down the mountain, but I was too scared to turn around and look until I saw you guys..." "Huh..." "Gahlok, that's pretty darn brave and/or stupid of you..." "Thank you, Lehvak." Gahlok sighed and wandered inside, not noticing that half the house was missing. Lehvak and Kohrak waited a moment, wondering of Gahlok would notice his bedroom was missing. About five minutes later, he did notice. "Why is the house missing?" "Bahrag's orders. I have to destroy the place." "That sucks. Where are we gonna live?" "I don't know yet." "Erm, Kohrak?" Lehvak butted in. "Why didn't you arrange that earlier?" "I only have a week. Destroying a house on your own takes forever. I got all the important stuff sorted out, apart from a place to live..." "And what about the prose?" "Oh, don't get us started about that again. Phovos is very angry today. Just go with the flow." "Fine... Although, I am sure Veekay will let us stay for a bit..." "Veekay's gone back home. He said he had to go because they were having Ksa elections and he was thinking about becoming the nominee for the K-Class Ksa. Or something like that. But he did give me a key..." "Neat. Well... I guess that is sorted then... What now?" Kohrak sighed. [color=#a9a9a9Nuhvok grunted as he climbed up the mountain. He could have flown or teleported up there, but that red dragon would attack him. He wasn't scared of the dragon, he just didn't want to kill it. Not that it mattered much, as the first thing he saw once he reached the peak was the sight of two dragons arguing. He knew though (purely from watching Kohrak playing The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim) that most dragons argued by trying to kill one another with fire breath and stuff. That didn't make much sense to Nuhvok. "We are going to leave Muz alone. All they do is kill us." "Only because you don't let us attack them! Men, mer, beast, whatever, they still kill us because that's what they do best! I don't fancy being permanently killed by one of their Dovahkiin, or worse, by a bloody giant or a unit of Imperials!" "When I die, you can take over and do as you please! Until then, Odahviing, you are under MY command." "But we're technically immortal, Paarthurnax! That will never happen!" Odahviing, which Nuhvok just learned was the name of the red dragon, shouted, making little things flicker in the air somehow. Silly dragon language. Nuhvok coughed to grab their attention. "Hello, dragons!" "Hello, Daedra..." Paarthurnax rolled his eyes. "What do you want? Here to tear space-time apart again? Here to kill the other Dovahkiin?" "Erm, no, not at all. I have a proposal for you..." Before Nuhvok could finish, Paarthurnax shifted and climbed back onto his word wall. "Not interested. Speak to Odahviing." Odahviing growled. "Actually, this might be good for you, matey!" Nuhvok 'smiled' again. "You want to kill things?" The red dragon's eyes suddenly sparkled. "Yes, yes I do." "Well, if you accept my proposal, you'll be free to wreck havoc in a new world. The only problem is that Toa are quite a bit stronger than humans, but they don't have all those mystical powers and armies and things that humans have." Odahviing's eyes continued to sparkle. But Paarthurnax, who was suddenly interested in the conversation again, was less amused. "And why are you proposing this to us, Daedra?" "I'm not a Daedra. Or a demon. I'm a Bohrok. Not related at all." "You didn't answer my question." "I was getting to that bit, moron. Anyway, my parents, the Bahrag, they are bored. They want to cause some carnage, but they're so fat, they can't move. They'd get us to do it but they hate us and we like being good guys. And because they're lazy, they're making me arrange something for them..." "And you can't simply refuse them?" Odahviing asked. Nuhvok sighed. "Wish I could... But my brother's life is on the line here. If we don't get our little missions done in a week, Tahnok's personality gets deleted... And don't you readers say that it's already been a week, story time flows differently to normal time!" "Well..." Paarthurnax started, then stopped again. "Hm... Well, we do owe you... That Miraak was killing a large number of us..." "You'll do it?" Nuhvok exclaimed. "Not me. Odahviing will." "I will?" "It's what you wanted, right?" "Yes, but..." "But what?" "Nothing." "Are we all agreed then?" Nuhvok butted in. "Yes." "Yes." That strange Bohrok version of a smile reappeared on Nuhvok's face. "Cool. I'll create the portal here, so you guys can keep an eye on it." "Thank you, Nuhvok!" Odahviing grinned, teeth sticking out everywhere. "Thank... Wait, how did you know my name?" "Paarthurnax ranted on for about a day, telling me how much of a moron you sounded like..." Nuhvok growled, then relaxed. He just wanted to get back now, the snow was making his Krana cold and frigid. Chocolate in the fridge would be a good metaphor. "I'll see you guys later!"]"I don't know. We'll just have to wait for Pahrak and Nuhvok to come back..."

"No, Phovos! What are you doing? You can't do that!" Lehvak-Kal shouted from outside. "You can't do that at all! This is TRADITION!" The Raptor ignored him and continued plinky-planking on her keyboard. She had that angry, hungry, chocolate-craving look on her face. Lehvak groaned and bashed on the front door. "Phovos! You've been writing the Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings for like five years now! You can't just suddenly change the format! All he suggested was to add in a few brackets! Nothing major!" Still no response. With yet another groan, Lehvak bashed down the door and stormed in, up the stairs, straight into Phovos's bedroom. "Are you even listening?" Phovos glared at the Bohrok. "I'll take that as a no..." Lehvak sighed. "But seriously, don't go all rage-change on us! You still have the rest of this Tahnok-Being-Ill story line to write! Don't tell me that you're seriously going to switch to prose in the middle of a story arc?" With a grunt, Phovos went back to typing. Phovos's eyes and lack of a response were really starting to annoy Lehvak. But he clearly wasn't getting anywhere. "Fine. Be like that. See if we care. As long as we keep our coloured text, do as you please." Lehvak sighed and left the house, walking down the street on his lonesome. After a while, he realised that he was a. talking to himself again and b. he'd walked straight past the Bohrok-Kal's house. Or what was left of it. Kohrak had already started tearing down the building, as he'd been ordered to do by the Bahrag. "What's going on, Lehvak? Why are we all suddenly using prose?" Kohrak asked. "Phovos's raging again. You know what she's like. Sometimes it works out though..." Kohrak sniffed. "I'm gonna miss having a new chapter almost every day..." "Depends on Phovos's work load." "Of course." Kohrak went back to work, disintegrating the kitchen sink. "You wanna help? Also, have you seen Gahlok?" "Gahlok? Yeah. He's heading back now. Last time I saw him, he was actually riding on a Visorak. Gahlok. On a Visorak. And Phovos writing in prose. And Tahnok-Kal possibly dying. You've got to wonder what's going on around here..." "Ah, yeah... At least Gahlok's mission was simple. Still haven't heard anything from Nuhvok. Pahrak send me a message earlier telling me how much he now hated Rahkshi. Apparently there's a dead, rotten Rahi in the back of their cave, stinking the place out. And they don't seem to have an oven or anything, so he's got to make a BBQ or something." Kohrak started breaking up a load of plates and glasses. "Dunno why the Bahrag wanted me to break the kitchen. What do they have against kitchens?" "Kohrak, they're big, fat, scary monsters. Why do they do anything?" "I hope they didn't hear you calling them fat." "They deserve it, looking at the way they treat us." "Well... Oh, hiya, Gahlok! We were just talking about you!" Gahlok skidded to a halt, puffing and panting. "Hi... Hi guys..." "You alright?" Lehvak asked. "Yeah... Did the Bahrag say I had to not be afraid of all spidery things?" Gahlok was still panting. "Erm, I don't think so..." Kohrak replied. "That's kinda impossible. Especially when it's basic instinct to be scared, plus, there are some absolutely huge spidery things out there..." "Ooooh good. I was afraid I'd have to face my fears and be friends with that horrific, Matoran-killing Spiderbeast up in the mountains." "You... You went all the way up there?" Kohrak stuttered. "Yes... Wish I hadn't. I think I lost it about half way down the mountain, but I was too scared to turn around and look until I saw you guys..." "Huh..." "Gahlok, that's pretty darn brave and/or stupid of you..." "Thank you, Lehvak." Gahlok sighed and wandered inside, not noticing that half the house was missing. Lehvak and Kohrak waited a moment, wondering of Gahlok would notice his bedroom was missing. About five minutes later, he did notice. "Why is the house missing?" "Bahrag's orders. I have to destroy the place." "That sucks. Where are we gonna live?" "I don't know yet." "Erm, Kohrak?" Lehvak butted in. "Why didn't you arrange that earlier?" "I only have a week. Destroying a house on your own takes forever. I got all the important stuff sorted out, apart from a place to live..." "And what about the prose?" "Oh, don't get us started about that again. Phovos is very angry today. Just go with the flow." "Fine... Although, I am sure Veekay will let us stay for a bit..." "Veekay's gone back home. He said he had to go because they were having Ksa elections and he was thinking about becoming the nominee for the K-Class Ksa. Or something like that. But he did give me a key..." "Neat. Well... I guess that is sorted then... What now?" Kohrak sighed. "I don't know. We'll just have to wait for Pahrak and Nuhvok to come back..."

My review sucked. I think I'll just give up now.

Yay! Another rubbish review! Eh, what can I expect. It's only me who reads this anyway. I suppose, it doesn't help that I picked a rather silly arc, maybe I should have given you the lemonade battle instead. It kinda sucks that you're telling me to change the format of my comedy, a format I have been using for 5 years now. You say 'Make it more like Aftermath'. That makes me feel very inferior. And man, you are all so nit-picky on grammar! What is it with you all and minute mistakes. Quick question: how do I give a Bohrok facial expressions? Also, apologies, I don't really take criticism well when I'm jarate'd off.

You haven't gone and spoken to Maku yet? Not yet... Building up the courage... And I'm helping Gahlok by collecting spiders for him. I can't believe the Bahrag are making us do this. I know, I know... I don't want to have to break this house... Tear it apart... Break everything... Where IS Tahnok, by the way? The Bahrag teleported him into their lair so they can operate on him. Have the others headed off yet? Yeah. Pahrak's gone to see the Rahkshi, Nuhvok is doing goodness knows what in Skyrim. He didn't really like the idea of what he had to do. He's been rather secretive about it too. Ah... So what about all our stuff? I've rented a container to put everything in while we find a new place, but we're going to be homeless for a bit. Luckily, once most of my weaponry is destroyed, we don't actually have a lot of stuff. Just beds and furniture and bits and pieces. Luckily, the Bahrag have allowed me to keep my portal gun... The other stuff though... They're making you destroy your weapons? Yeah... Anything potentially lethal. I only get to keep the Portal Gun, my Medi Gun, the teleporters and my gravity gun. I buried my Ubersaw in Veekay's garden so I wouldn't have to destroy it. It's just... So many memories... I know... It's such a shame... Eh... I really ought to go and speak to Macku now. Are you holding back? I'm holding back a bit. Waiting until everyone else is done so they can pick up anything they want. Pahrak grabbed the microwave and mini-oven and some of Tahnok's blankets and pillows. And that mini Rahkshi staff that Turahk made for him. I'm surprised that Tahnok still keeps it. What about the rest of Tahnok's stuff? I have to leave most of it. Bahrag's orders. Gave me a list of things I had to destroy. That sucks... Oh well... I'm gonna go speak to Macku... Good luck. You can come help me destroy things later if you want. Cool. See ya. ... ... ... Lehvak? Are you okay? Yeah, not really... Macku, I have some... News... Don't tell me you're turning into a Bahrag... What? No, I can't do that anyway. At least, I don't think I can. No... This is arguably worse... Oh great. I gotta explain it first though. It's all the Rahkshi's fault, by the way. Bloody sons of a Makuta. That's what they are. I was going to say something other than 'Makuta' but, you know... Oh. So what is it? I have to break up with you. WHAT? You haven't found some other adventurous Ga-Matoran, have you? No! not at all! You're like, the best Matoran ever ever ever... It's just... What. My brother is ill... Normally we can fix these things but this time, we just can't. And the Bahrag... They refuse to help unless we all do these chores for them. They made you break up with me? That's the worst excuse I have ever heard! I swear! I'm not lying! And if I wanted you gone, I'd just arrange it so you ended up back with Hewkii, all the while singing that Want You Gone Portal song. Oh... Yeah... That sucks. I feel that there is a but coming along here... But I have an idea... Call me when your brother is all better, okay? Sure... Give my regards to your brothers! Thank you, stay safe, Macku!

There. The furniture is done. All done. Now we need to wait for the other two to get back! Admittedly, they've been gone for ages... And Kurahk isn't back yet either. Yeah... He'd better not have broken my- Hello. Am back now. Truck is outside. Wait... If all the furniture was on the truck... How did we set it all up? Oh wow. Major plot hole. Not major. Just stupid. I thought you teleported the stuff here... Ah, it doesn't matter. We've got everything sorted and we seem to have a duplicate of everything too. That will be useful later when we start arguing more and things start to get thrown around and broken. We... We really are violent, aren't we? Yep. Don't look at me like that! ... Stop it! It's not MY fault they thought I was Turahk and ran away! ... Okay, well, eating that Rahi was my fault... But they deserved it! Letting their pet Rahi use my leg as a bathroom! That's what that smell is... Ew... I'll get the bleach... ... GUURAHK. ... NOT YOU TOO. You ate someone's Rahi. Of course they're gonna get scared and run away. I know, I know... But I was hungry too. Did you at least get the shopping? Oh, yeah, of course. Give me credit for that at least. ... Oh come on, Guurahk, stop giving me that look. ... I'll EAT YOU in a minute! . I give up. I'm hungry, what's for dinner? Dunno. You... You didn't buy much stuff... Guurahk wouldn't let me. Says I eat too much. You do. I'm the Rahkshi of HUNGER. Of course I eat! Eating is fun. Chew it up and suck on it for hours. It's a pity that it's our Kraata that do the actual eating, and not our bodies... All food does is jam up our insides... Oh Makuta, I love jam. Jam on toast, jam on cake, jam on scones... Did you not buy any? Two jars of orange and exploding berry jam. Huh... I'm hungry. Someone cook something. Oh dear... Perfect! It's the little, cooking Bohrok from the other comedy! Erm, hai. What are you doing here, Pahrak? Someone say my name? No, Panrahk. Okie dokie. Well... The Bahrag gave me a special mission... Bloody Queens... Oh? I'm here to cook you all dinner. That IS perfect timing! Oh, and I have a note here, for Turahk. It's private. Erm, thanks? Hey, you guys don't hiss any more. We stopped doing that right from the start. With one character it's fine, but with six, it's just stupid. Indeed. Do you need anything? Oh, no, I already brought everything I need with me. Mooo. COW! Yeah... Yummy... You brought a live cow here? You're brilliant... But why? I thought you Bohrok disliked us? Well, that's the thing... You see, Tahnok is ill... And the Bahrag refused to help unless we all did these insane 'secret missions'... Oh... Enough chit chat, let's get cooking!

That was not bad. Same old arguments that always make me smile. Watch out for your There/Their/They're though, I spotted that you mixed them up saying "Although their might not be a later". Should have used There.

Morning, mates! I saw that y'house was on fire, so I put it out for ya! Oh, er, thanks... Wow... We only went to the shops... And now it's like the end of the world... Oh dear! What's wrong wit'your buddy? Long story. Gahlok, feel free to tell Veekay everything. The rest of us will work on Tahnok... Bloody heck... Yeah... It's a long story... Is Tahnok going to be okay? Hopefully... As long as we keep his Krana nearby, he should be fine, but if he spends too long Krana-less, he'll start losing memories and things like that. Any longer than a week and he'll end up being a completely different Bohrok. He could turn into a Nuhvok? No, don't be silly, but after three days, his personality would start changing on top of the memory loss and after a week, his memories, his current personality, his likes and dislikes, they'd all be gone! Can't we just put his Krana back in and kill those two 'good and evil' Tahnoks before they realise what happened? I don't think we can risk that, Nuhvok... We might end up killing Tahnok anyway... Doesn't he have any spare Krana? The problem's with the body, not the Krana. The Krana just powers us. Personality data is stored in the body, just behind the eyes... So we could open Tahnok up and edit that data and just delete those two alternate personalities? Kohrak can't do that! We need some sort of expert! We need... We need our parents... We can't ask them. They hate us more than the Toa do! Heck, they hate us more than they hate mass suicide... We can make it up to them... I don't think we can... But we ought to try... For Tahnok's sake... I'll call them. Good luck... It won't wor... Sh! It's ringing! Hello? Hello, mother, it's your loving child, Pahrak... What do you want, you scum? Erm... Well... Spit it out. Tahnok's ill. He has this multiple personality problem. But we can't fix it. We need your help. He can die in a ditch for all I care. Please, mother, we love you and we love Tahnok very much and we don't want to lose him... Please... ... Fine. But there's some things I need you to do first. I'll send you a list... Yes, of course! Thank you! Now go away... What did she say? She said yes? Yes! But they want us to do some things first! I just got a message... Oh, me too. Same here... Oh dear... One for each of us. Guys, I just got a message from mum and mum! They told me that I "need to confront my fear of Visorak or they won't help Tahnok..." I have to go back to Skyrim... I have to go and see the Rahkshi and apologise on behalf of Tahnok, and I have to cook them all a meal... I don't even know where they live now! Oh no, I have to break up with Macku... She's going to kill me. Bloody Bahrag... What? We're going to have to move out... What do you mean? I have to destroy this house. They won't help Tahnok unless I destroy this house and we move elsewhere... Oh no...

I have to agree, it does seem rather skippy. Maybe if you built up your scenes a bit more before moving on, or at least throwing in lines like "While all heck broke loose in the star destroyer, over on Naboo..." or something like that. Also, I don't think first person for Tahu is a great idea. Really, he ought to be treated like everyone else.

zzzzz... You forgot that capital Z, Phovos. ... And we're using pretty much the same colour. Zzzzz. Wake Turahk up. In a minute, we need to get this stuff into the pickup truck! Fine. Zzz... Er... What happened? He's awake. Oh, er, erm, hi, Turahk. I put you to sleep because you were going a bit crazy. Are you going to help or not, Kurahk? No. Screw you then. I'll do it all on my own. As usual. Anyway, Turahk, Kurahk wants you to cure his fear of spiders. Oh. Alright. Kurahk, close your eyes and count to three. One. Two. Three... Arakiadkha. ??? Huh? And now you're not scared of spiders. Or Visorak. Good. Thank you. Bye. What did you do? Placebo effect. Huh? You can't just cure arachnophobia, unless you throw someone into a bathtub full of spiders. But since we don't have that, I used the placebo effect and tricked him into thinking he was cured. Oh, awesome. Could you use that to help you get over that bloody Bohrok? No. Darn. Anyway, Kurahk's somehow teleported home, and I've finished loading the truck. Wanna head back? Sure... Cool. I'll just get the keys... And... Darn, Kurahk's taken the truck. With all the stuff in it? Yeah. Never mind, we'll just fly back and meet him at Gurahk's cave. Sure. Or we can teleport. We can do that? Well, I can. Did you guys have that Makuta moment too? I... I haven't... Vorahk said he did, and he can melt into shadows now... It happens at different times for different Rahkshi. Ah... That explains it... Anyway, let's teleport back... Sure, three, two one... Hi! You're back! Hiya, Panrahk! Where is... Where are the others? It's a ten minute drive from my house to here, Kurahk hasn't arrived yet. I dunno where Vorahk and Gurahk went. I think they went to the shops. I made BBQ Visorak! Erm, you mean, incinerated Visorak... I like it burnt and inedible. You're a freak. Aw... That reminds me of when Tahnok and I... Mention Bohrok again, and I'll punch you so hard, your Kraata will fall out of your bottom. Am I really that bad? Yes. I hate you. I hate you too, darling. Now, shall we set up this furniture? Yay! Making things!

YOU WILL DIE, TAHNIK! No, it shall be you who perishes today, Tahnrak! YOU WILL DIE. No, you will. BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP ALREADY. Tahnok? Fool. Seriously, stop it! You are making me look like a bloody cool dude here! I was fine until you two entered my subconsciousness like some sort of mind virus! As if we care about you. Tahnrak does have a point. Neither of us care about you. Then go away then! You've weakened me and formed your own bloody bodies! You don't need me, just go! Can I just point out how silly this situation is? It's completely and utterly stupid! I'm arguing with myself here. Well, not quite. I am all that is pure within you and that monster is all the shadows that lurk within your soul. If that were true, you wouldn't be threatening to kill Tahnrak. No, what you both are is an infection inside me. Gah, why am I even bothering? Dunno. I think we should just let them kill each other. But wouldn't that mean killing Tahnok? Would it? Yes. Darn. Gah. You're saying there's no easy way of doing this? Nope. That's really annoying. Yeah, normally there's some sort of convenient plot device that easily fixes this sort of problem. Obviously not this time. Can we kill each other now? Sure. Go ahead. Thanks. TAKE THAT. Dodged it, fool. This is so dumb. I swear, I'm just a dumb character. Surely there's got to be some way of ending this. They've literally already destroyed the parking lot. And they teleported Lokmah away. Hey, bro, when this is over, I'll take you with me to Skyrim so we can find him, deal? Deal! But what about Tahnok? Don't believe I'm going to do this... Tahnok, what are you doing? What needs to be done. Tahnok! Don't do it! Sorry guys. TAHNOK. Bloody Bahrag... Is he okay? What's happening? I'm fading... So am I! Disappearing... He... He removed his own Krana... But the two god-like Bohrok have disappeared... Come on, brothers, let's get him back home... Poor Tahnok... We need to work out what to do now...

Where is the COFFEE?!! I am unsure, my dear brother! Normally it is among the other dried powders, ready to be made into a hearty, warm drink. It's in the top left cupboard. Oh, of course! Thank you, my beloved frozen Toa! It's always been in the top left cupboard. NO, it HASN'T! Fine, it hasn't. But brother, perhaps you are correct? I do not wish to get into yet another pathetic argument. A fair wish, my brother! Now, let me adjust my monocle and I shall put the kettle on! I'll leave you to it. There is a meteor shower tonight. BOIL FASTER, KETTLE! Ah, Fire Spitter, remember, a watched pot never boils! It WILL when I WATCH it! O...kay... BOIL NOW. I think I shall leave you to your kettle, dear brother... I wonder where Lewa is? Splish splash splosh... Ah! You are in the pool! But the pool is not a good location for one such as yourself! Splish splash... Oh, hi, Onua! I am try-learning how to swim! Indeed! And how do you do? Erm... Splosh splash... I am trying my good-best. Swimming is difficult-hard. Do not fret! You shall learn and prosper in no time! Do you know how to swim-dive? Um... I am afraid, I do not, my dear. Do you want to try-learn with me? I would rather not... One does not simply learn how to swim... Yes they do. Oh? I am try-learning. And I'm an Air-Toa. Hm. Maybe I shall then. But should we inquire the help of our wonderful sister? I already say-asked her. She said no. Oh dear. Yes. Gali was not in a good-happy mood. She left you out here, alone? Yes. Come brother! We shall persuade her to teach us how to swim! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOMPH! Hm. It seems as though Pohatu has just been thrown from Gali's bedroom window... Ow... Is one alright, dear brother? I fink i broke somefing... Huh? Owie... Is my mask on straight? You may wish to rotate it 25 degrees to the left. Ah, thanks, bro. What you both up to? Why, Lewa here is learning how to swim! You don't know how to swim? It's easy. I can swim... You can? Really? Yeah. I was aiming for the swimming pool when I fell... But I kinda missed... Oh dear, there's a scratch... Gonna have to buff that out later... Oh dear, brother. But you are otherwise fine, are you not? BOIL! AH OH AH OH HOT HOT HOT! Get out of the water, Lewa! OWWIE! OW! Grab my hand! OW! PULL ME OUT! HEAVE! Phew... That hurt... BOIL BOIL BOIL! Tahu! Don't boil the pool! You nearly made Lewa Soup! I WANT COFFEE! I want it NOW! Did the kettle not boil? NO. IT IS BROKEN! Let me have a quick-look at it... It's IN THE kitchen. Okay... Careful, Lewa... What is the problem, brother of air? Hm... Huh, it boiled fine. Tahu, did you put-plug it in? Erm... Wow... I believe our frigid brother was correct... He IS surrounded by morons...

Yay! Randomly coloured text! You can say that again! Go away, Turahk. Aw.

Hehe. I feel your pain with unnecessarily annoying tutorial boxes. And all those battles... Feels like Pokemon....

I'm in no rush for a review, so I don't mind if I'm waiting a few weeks.

Turahk, need any help back there? Eh, no, I'm okay... It's just... Moving all this furniture... It makes me feel sad... Oh dear. What happened to big old scary Turahk? I'm a jilted lover... Erm, no you're not. I'm not? Not at all. You tried to kill Tahnok when he disagreed with you and he ended it. It's still his fault. What? It's not! Why? You hurt him! You scared him and he feared for his safety! No one wants to spend their life with a guy who might try to kill him! I guess you're right... I'm always right. Now, get up and give me a hand with this furniture. Thank Makuta they're still flatpacked. Yeah... Sure... Good... Oh, Turahk... WAAAAAAH! I WANT MY TAHNYPOO BACK! Gah. I MISS HIM SO MUCH! WAAAAAAAH! That does it. WAAAAA... Ow. Huh. Sleepy... I sedated you. Zzzzzz I love my slightly updated powers. Sedatives, tranquilizers, sleep darts, painkillers... Not just poison any more... Zzzzzzzzz... I'll just leave Turahk here for now. I guess I'll be taking this furniture up on my own... Hello. Ah, Kurahk! You mind giving me a hand? Yes. Wanted Turahk. Turahk's asleep. He was starting to flip out. Pity. Wanted his help. Am scared of Visorak. Really? I didn't know that. Yes. One fears mutation. Oh, fair enough. ... Well, why don't you give me a hand moving this stuff to the cave, and then we'll come back and wake Turahk up so he can make you not scared of spiders? That will do. Okay! Let's get going!