Phovos

Wow, this is really nice calamari! Thanks! Glad you liked it! Oh yummmmmy! Wait, Kohrak, I thought you were driving? Oh, Tahnok's driving. Tahnok can drive? Erm, yeah. He does have a driving license, you know... Driving license? I've got one of those too! Although, sadly, it took me three attempts to get it... Don't be sad, not everyone gets it first time... Although, I must admit, the driving tester was very annoying. He would speak really quietly, like, almost whisper, so I'd have to keep on asking him what he just said. And he nearly got us killed by forcing the car to break while the traffic light was yellow and I was already past the line. Oh dear. But, third time's the charm, right? Indeed. Hey, guys... What? We've stopped moving. Oh... That's not good. Tahnok? Are you alright up there? ... Tahnok?!? He's not answering. TAHNOK! I'm going up there. Be careful... I will... BLINKING FLIP! RAHKSHI! Hello, Nuhvok-Kal... Turahk! And the resssst of the gang... Hey! You knocked Tahnok unconscious! That's not very nice! I usssed my poisssson power to ssssedate Tahnok-Kal... You do realise that's Phovos's colour, right, Lerahk? Yesssss. Wait, you guys have your own pirate ship too? Of course. We would not be sssspace piratessss without one.... Dude, Kuurahk, your colour is too bright. Don't care. He doessss have a point... Thisss is brown? It looksss like the sssame colour as Turahk! Panrahk, sssshut up and tie up thossse Bohrok! I don't think so! You do not have a choiccce... Kiiiyaaaaah! Ooof! Nice shot, Nuhvok! Thanks! OW! Take this! OWW! And THAT! OWIE! And one of THESE! AAAH! OKAY! I SSSSSSURRENDER! You coward, Turahk... You try being kicked in the sssshinssss, Lerahk, sssee how you like it! Good idea! AAAAARGH! Now get off our ship before we throw you off! Just like Nuhvok did to whatshisname. Yeah! Fine... We jusssst wanted to be in thisss comedy too... Then go and start a Rahkshi's Ramblings comedy! Exactly! Don't go and hijack ours! Yeah! Now, scat! Fine... Get lost! No apology? You don't deserve one yet. Aw. Bye! See ya, losers! Now, back to the calamari...

I'll take the 30th. Everyone else is normally busy on a Tuesday.

Get to the canons! We don't have any cannons. We don't? You were all in such a hurry to leave, I didn't get a chance to install them. You moron. The canons go on first. I have a LAZOR gun we can use. I have a better idea! Lokmah, come to me! I am already here. Oh? Oh, good. Can I ride on your back please? Yes, Pahrak. What is your plan? Erm, fly close to it so I can shoot it with my plasma powers. Why haven't you done that already? HEY! There ARE canons here! Yeah... Well, I lied. Why? I know how destructive you and Lehvak are. WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? It means that Tahnok didn't want to give you any funny ideas. Like what? Like, say, using Gahlok's buddies as cannon balls... That's a BRILLIANT idea! Kohrak! What? NO ONE TOUCHES MY FELLOW GAHLOK! I'll... I'll just go kill this giant squid. Back in a moment. Alright, Pahrak. See you in a bit. Let's go, Lokmah! RAAAAAAAAAAWR! You're not using my fellow Gahlok as cannon balls! Yes I am! Nuhvok, you spelled 'Cannon' wrong. Screw you, Phovos. I spell things however I like! ... Oh, hi again, Pahrak! We killed it! And we brought some back. Yep! That's... That's a lot of squid. Pahrak was telling me about 'frying' and 'kalamari'. I LOOOOVE kalamari. Isn't it calamari with a c? The word is Greek, in Greek, it's spelled with a K, but yeah, I guess you're right. See, Nuhvok! That's how you're supposed to react when you're told you've spelled something wrong... NO! SCREW THE LOT OF YOU. I'm going to go and kill sharks! O.O Did Nuhvok just leap into the water? I think so... Can Nuhvok even swim? Gah! Help me! I'll only help you if you agree not to use my fellow Gahlok as cannon balls! Fine! I won't! Just save me! Good! Here we go! ... Nuhvok... What do you say if someone saves your life? ... Thank you, Gahlok. You're welcome, matey! So, who wants calamari for dinner? Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! ... Nuhvok? Me. Okie dokie! So, erm, what now? I dunno. Shall we head up to the volcano now? Sure.

That's because he is :)Yeah, it's rather rough. If I had drawn this in pencil, it'd have probably come out better... Trying to work out how a Bohrok shakes hands is pretty hard on its own.

Oh, much better! But that foreground tentacle looks out of place.Reminds me of Miraak from the Dragonborn DLC for Skyrim...

Yeah, they completely do... They just need a few more toes and she'd be Lizard Macku...

I have to say, sparkles don't really make you more scary and crazy. It's almost like Twilight but in red.I think your first image is actually much better. The translucent tentacles, the addition of a cave as scenery, the glowing eyes, they seem to work better. If the tentacles were tidier, they'd be much nicer.

A what, you ask?A badly drawn handshake. Between Lehvak-Kal and Macku. Why? Well, it's been ages since I drew any Bohrok. And this kinda relates to my 4-year-old comedy (soon to be FIVE!) in which Macku and Lehvak-Kal are parTICUlarly good friends. Let's just say that it's Tahnok's turn to mock Lehvak, instead of it being the other way around.Lehvak looks Bohrok-y, with my normal little tail. Macku ended up as some unholy cross between Mata Nui Matoran and Metru Nui Matoran.Drawn in Biro (pencils are lame), then scanned and coloured in with Illustrator.Anyway, the picture.

Okay! Let's go! Wait! There's a Matoran at the front door! Oh, erm, that's for me... It is? Yeah. Wanna go and sort it out then so we can head off? Sure. Back in a bit. So many Gahloks... Making me feel sick. Oh, don't be like that. They're my friends. Yay! Friends! Cool! They all speak in the same colour. That's because they're all Gahloks. A load of Tahnoks would speak in the same colour too. Huh... You done yet, Lehvak? Hurry up! I'm coming, I'm coming! What was that about? Hm... Oh, what? Nothing. Just a delivery. From Macku? How do you know her name? Well, that was obviously Macku. TELL ME. She's a very well-known Matoran. Everyone knows her name. Apart from you guys. Didn't she appear in the old Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings? No, but Phovos wrote a few... Odd fan fictions with her. Like what? Like that horrible Me VS Hewkii one. Ohhhhh! CAN WE GO NOW PLEASE? Oh, yeah, sure. Let's GO! Oh my, we're actually flying. Let's go to the beach! Beach! Beach! Beach! Yay! Cool! Beach! That's going to get annoying VERY quickly... I'll try keep them quiet. Just tell them to be quiet. Okay... So, beach first. After that, I want to go to the volcano-y place. You mean the volcano. Yeah. Might throw Lehvak in... That's not very nice, is it, Lokmah? Depends on how much you like Lehvak-Kal. That Matoran that appeared in the earlier chapters wouldn't be amused. He's not here. Leave him out of this. Okay, hold on, peeps! Get off my arm, Nuhvok. He said 'hold on'. Yeah, onto a rail or something, you twit. Oh oka.... WOAH! TOO FAST, KOHRAK! WEEEEEE! YAAAAAAY! OH DARN! What? Lokmah just fell off! Oh, don't worry, he can fly, he'll catch up. I hate you Bohrok... Aw... Except for you, Pahrak... Yay... And we're here... This... This isn't the beach. What is it then? The middle of the ocean. We can still go swimming though. In shark-infested waters? Yeah! Tahnok, just electrocute the water! It doesn't work like that... Oh. I'll do it! Huh. Fried shark, anyone? OMnomnom... Erm, guys, Lokmah is eating the sharks... Oh, cool! Can we swim now? Not... Not yet... Why? Oh wow. Giant squid...

I... I don't recognise any of these characters, but arguing fire-based beings are always amusing...

Oh! I'll pay in keys, refined metal, hats and salvaged crates!Anyway, interesting. The 'advertising your story as some sort of product' route is always amusing.

Do you accept Threan Evra? Or the Ethran Lira? How about the Bohrok Dollar? None of those? Can I pay in Guest Star slots then?

Tahnok! Kohrak! We're back! Guys? You there? We're in the garden! Are you talking about flowers again? Because that was a stupid chapter! Tell me about it. At least our Skyrim epic was... Well, epic. It's definitely called Skyrim then. Not Slyrim. Or Skylim. Or anything like that. Yes. What on Kolasi are you doing? Come and have a look! I'm getting worried. Oh coooooool. What in blinking flip have you done? We built a ship. A flying one. ... Why? Why not? Yay! The likable, exciting Tahnok and Kohrak are back! Wait... When have I ever been unlikable? Oh, back during that Tahnok-Kal Love Turahk saga. You couldn't take a joke. To be fair, you were clawing at me almost non-stop... True... But still... A flying ship? That's like back in the Old Forum Days! Yeah. Me and Tahnok decided that maybe the dull, normal life wasn't for us after all. When did that happen? About ten minutes after Phovos stopped typing out the previous chapter. Huh... So, does it work? It's hovering right now. It SHOULD work in water and in the air. I just need to finish wiring the boosters on the back and connect the steering wheel... I've already stocked the ship with supplies. Mostly biscuits, diet cola and packets of crisps and peanuts... You read my mind... What else needs doing? How in heck does it all work? Solar power. And I made these fancy crystals a while back that can store a large amount of my electricity power so I don't need to spend all day powering the ship. ​So you re-invented rechargeable batteries? Yeah, but I don't accidentally blow these up when I try to recharge them... That's what the green stain on the wall in the living room is. You made batteries explode? That's awesome. You gotta show me that later. Sure... RRAAAAAAAAWR! I'm baaaaack! That's... Oh my Bahrag, that's a dragon. Hey! Lokmahro! Dude, you came back! Yay! Lokmah! It's the bestest dragon ever! Bestest isn't a word. Don't care. Nyah! Ah, little Bohrok. There are six of you. Yep! Heya, Lokmah! Those two are Tahnok and Kohrak. They're generally the sensible ones but... Did you guys build a flying ship? Yeah. Awesome! Are we going on an adventure? I guess so... Where would we go? I know just the place... But we need to get a proper crew first... ... We do? Yes. Gahlok knows what I mean. Oh yessssssss... He does? I have my own mini-swarm. What? When the Bahrag started sorting out Bohrok, they made way too many Gahloks, so I have a group of about a hundred or so of them, completely and utterly loyal to us. When you say 'us', you mean you, right? Oh no. I mean us. But I take main priority, so if you asked them to do something and I said no, they'd listen to me. This could go oh so wrong... Oh, don't be like that! We'll be fine! We just need to set up a teleporter so Gahlok can summon them. Do it, Tahnok. ... Please? It'll be fun! Fine. The rest of you, get ready. Everyone! On board! Even me? Yes, even you! Okay...

Yaaaaaaaaaawwwwwn! You tired or bored? Both. Sick of the peace and quiet? Kinda, yeah. I'm not. Well, the thing is... Maybe we need a bit of excitement? Just to spruce up our lives a bit? I don't follow. The other guys make our lives not dull... I thought you always wanted a dull life? I always did. Yeah but... I dunno... The others... Pahrak went with Pohatu and he's not back yet, and the second Lehvak, Nuhvok and Gahlok got back, they went off to see where Pahrak went. No they didn't. They went next door. Huh? Veekay invited me round while you were at the shops. Then the others arrived and made a mess. Me and Veekay got quite annoyed and made them clean up. Although I'm unsure if they're still there. Did they apologise? No, I had to apologise for them. Typical. Very typical of them. When I next go shopping, I'm going to buy Veekay something nice. A bottle of wine, maybe? Veekay doesn't drink. Something about 'Ksa not being allowed to be drunk'. I thought their Ksa guys were on duty 24/7? Yeah, but Veekay's taking a break as of late. Apparently he's been temporarily exiled. Because his brothers are a bit messed up. Those Threavok are a confusing bunch. Sounds like us. I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for us... Why? Do you... Do you ever feel that the people who read the Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings dislike us? ... Do you? Yes. It's not just me then. Not at all. ... You know what? What? We should ask. Huh? I'm going to ask the three people who read this what they think. Are we really the most hated characters? Who's the best Bohrok? Is Veekay really one of the best supporting characters in the BZP comedy section? That last one was rather random... Someone actually nominated him for that award. Huh... So, all you people who read this, let's get some answers out of you! 1. Who's the best Bohrok-Kal? 2. Who's the worst? 3. Who's the best supporting character? HAAAAAI! Oh darn.

Good work, everyone. The zombie crisis has been dealt with! Pohatu? How we just need to work out what caused this zombie crisis and how we can stop it from ever happening again! Pohatu! Gosh. So much work, so little clues so... POHATU. WHAT? We already worked this all out in the previous chapters! We did? You didn't read the last chapter, did you? No, of course not! I only read the chapters I appear in. That's silly. No, it isn't! So you missed the bit where my brothers said "Voxumo did it!"? Oh dear. Wait, what? See! He has that guilty, "I accidentally created a zombie virus" look on his face! It WAS an accident. And it was also partially my curiosity. You did this? Yes. Accidentally. That's how he managed to fix it so easily. He knew all along! Little Bohrok, you do realise that I will have your head by sunset. HEY! Don't you threaten m- And you can spend some time frozen, Pohatu. Darn, you appear to be slightly evil. Not at all. I just do not wish to be punished for my mistakes. You could have just apologised and said "I'll never try and make a zombie virus probable again." The Toa do not apologise. Yeah, I kinda noticed. None of the Toa Nuva, apart from Pohatu, have apologised for killing us in horrible ways. We are alive, for Mata Nui's sake. As long as you wear your Krana... NOO NOOO GET OFF ME GET OOOOF! Gargh! You burnt me! YOU TRIED TO REMOVE MY KRANA-KAL. You were going to turn me in. I cannot have that. Tough! You've harmed Matoran, caused pain and suffering, frozen a Toa and attempted to knock me out! I'm placing you under arrest, as is my authority to do so as an Honorary Toa! You will have to catch me first! Don't you DARE throw snowballs at me! Aaargh! The ground! It's melting! I'm going to trap you here! Take THIS Ow! Don't bash me on the head with your weapon! I will do as I please, Bohr... What is tha-OOOOPH! WHAT IN THE BAHRAG'S NAME IS THAT? Ow. I believe I have landed on something rather spikey... YOU'RE A DRAGON! Yes. YOU'RE THE DRAGON FROM THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER! Yes I am. But just call me Lokmah. Lokmahro sounds silly. It doesn't... My fellow Dov always say it does. I think it's a cool name, but I'll call you whatever you want. Thank you. Ow. What is this? You landed on Voxumo. He was trying to kill me... You SAVED MY LIFE THANK YOU! You are... You are welcome? Thank you! Please don't hug my head like that. Oh. Sorry. One sec... Ooer... What just happened? I melted you. What is that? He's the dragon from the previous chapter. Oh. And he saved my life. Voxumo tried to kill me and Lokmah fell on him and squished him. Shall I get off him now? Ow. I think I'm about to pass out. And he is now unconscious. Yeah... I'll take him back with me. He'll have to do some community service work like cleaning up rahi mess for a few weeks. Yay. Happy ending! Gah, Voxumo's heavy. Anyway, thanks for the help, you two. I'll see you guys later. Bye! So long, strange, mechanical being. He's called Pohatu, he's a Toa. Hm. Interesting. So... What now? I do not know... Hm... Do you want to go flying on my back? That, Lokmah, would be the most awesome thing ever! Hop on. Weeeeeeeeee!

Eh, you don't have to use colour at all if you don't want to or are too lazy. My ability to churn out chapters rather quickly makes BBCode a non-issue.

That was a lovely review!

That was... Very random... And I see you ditched the colour coding already...

That was a really lovely story! It flowed really well and felt true to the canon Bionicle story. It was also great reading the story from a Matoran's point of view. Well done!

Khazhero is an interesting Makuta. It's nice for them all not to be monsters or whatever. You're welcome matey. There are so many stories around here with only a few replies.

Dragon riding sucks? But this is awesome! Yes! This is amazing! It's like a dream come true! A very cold dream in which Phovos is even worse than normal. You Daedra speak as if you know me. We know a Phovos. Not you. You're... I dunno. More realistic. And you are all very strange beings... Danke, mate! Pardon? It means 'Thank you' in German. What is German? I give up... Lehvak, this is like a parallel universe. There's no Germany here. Or Kolasi. No Spherus Magna either? Please do not mention that stupid Eye of Magnus. The Mage College nearly destroyed itself because of that. I... I wasn't talking about that at all... AAAAH! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THOSE SPIDERS DOWN THERE! Oh? Oh... Wow. They're bigger than us. They are just frostbite spiders. Their venom can be quite dangerous though. EEEEEH! I HATE SPIDERS! AND VISORAK! Calm down, Gahlok. We're on the back of a dragon. I'm sure they won't bother us... Lokmahro, are we there yet? Yes. Let me land. Good. These Daedra are bothering me... Oh dear, what is going on here. T-that... That is Miraak... Please excuse me while I make a hasty retreat... Before he devours me... This looks like quite a mess... I could probably close or change that portal. Really? Sure. I'm good at that sort of thing. Most portals are just gravitational rips in space-time anyway. That made very little sense... You're going to fight with a bow? Shh. A sneak attack will lower his health, meaning the battle will end fast. None can defeat me! Not even you, little, pathetic Dragonborn. That's not very nice. Don't worry, guys and gal, I got this. Argh... What is happening? What is... LEHVAK! What? His head... It just exploded... Aw, and there I was, hoping for a cool, interesting battle between two Dragonborns and a bunch of dragons. Dov stin! Dovahkin los Saviik! We have been saved... Again... The Dragon-Eater has been destroyed... Dragon eater? Miraak... He harvests our souls to become more powerful... Which is why you ran away like a sissy. Los onik wah ru. Dinok los dur. What did he say? Probably something about how running away is wise and that death is bad. How did you know? What, I was right? Wow. Random guess wins the day! As does making the bad guy's head implode. I'm gonna grab that guy's pointy stick. I have already looted the body. This staff is... Lemme see! No. This staff can be used to create portals to other realms. It is unsafe. We could use it to go home! I could take us home whenever I want. Really? Duh. Jee, thanks. You're so useful, Nuhvok. Yeah. Now close that dumb portal before I hit you. Fine. What do we do with this staff? I do not trust myself with it. We shall take it back to Paarthurnax. He will guard it. Oh, lucky him. I want to go home now. Why? This place is cool. And everyone keeps on calling us Daedra. That is not a good name to be known by. Most Daedra are evil. We were considered evil back home anyway. Well, until we all got killed in horrible ways... Bloody Toa. That is... Most unusual, little being. We're called Bohrok. Little Bohrok. Let us leave now, Phovos, before my fellow Dov attack us. I'm sure they're fine. They probably saw what Lehvak did and decided to lay low for now. Well, if I saw what I did, I'd lay low too. That made little sense. CAN WE GO NOW PLEASE? Those spiders over there are scaring me. Yeah, sure. When we get back, remind me to have a go at the real Phovos. ​That fight was really anticlimactic. I mean, I know she can write decent fights, yet this one was just stupid! But long fights are just repetitive these days. What is going on here? Gerik! Oh dear. They're snogging. D'aw, it's romantic. Bleugh. Let's go home. Please. Bye bye! Thanks, Lokmahro! Good bye. Good riddance. Nuhvok! What? We all know that was a stupid adventure! Eh, it was alright... Oh, hi, you three! Where on Kolasi have you been? Long story. Huh. Well, glad you're back. I baked cookies. Because... Erm... We kinda ate all of Pahrak's ones... Yay! Cookies!

Just so you know, there's the 300 word minimum rule, meaning each chapter must be OVER 300 words, excluding character lists, emoticons and author comments. This comedy isn't 300 words and runs the risk of being closed.A tip from a writer of CCCs (colour-coded comedies), when you are starting out, TAKE YOUR TIME. It is easy to get confused and accidentlly have Pohatu saying Pahrak-Kal's line, for example.Why is there no report button on the mobile site?

There's just waaaay too much stuff in Skyrim in order for me to cover all of it, but don't talk about Miraak. Just don't. He'll hear you. And you'll spoil the next chapter. And, like, the plot from Dragonborn and whatever the other one is called, because I refuse to pay 20 for a darned DLC. And apparently riding a dragon is awful in Dragonborn...Actually, to be fair, the person who created Gerik (the other dragonborn I mentioned) spoilt the two DLCs for me...Anyway, rant over, thanks! Don't fret about Miraak, wait and see...

This story feels like a dream, but plot-wise and how the story is written, floating from one place to another. The plot is interesting but unfulfilled, it feels like there's more information that we haven't been told. How is it that this Makuta and this Toa are friends? How did the Makuta create these portals? Why was he dead? What was the importance of the storm? And Slate is an odd name for a Toa. Like calling Pohatu 'Pebble'. The images were really nice though. The embrace was lovely. The emotions were interesting.

Huh. Things happening at the same time. Interesting.