Phovos

I spent three hours making this and it's bloody awful. I wish 99% of my Bionicle pieces weren't broken. I also wish I had something better than a phone camera. Anyway, here's a normal headcrab from Half-Life. And here is it from the underneath. Feel free to tell me how awful it and my picture taking skills are.

Good day, everyone. I know it's been a long, long time since I updated this, but I've just now gone through and edited every post so you can read the story properly. And since I'm shamelessly bumping this, I'm going to write a small update on how the Bohrok-Kal are doing. In prose rather than script. ... "Hello?" The voice echoed through the desolate house. The entire street was in shambles, but this one in particular was very run down. It appeared to have been struck by lightning a few times. To the left was a small, tattered shack, most of which had been blown away during a storm. To the right, there was nothing but rubble. Shards of glass and concrete littered the pavement. There was no answer to his call, but Kohrak-Kal nonetheless analyzed the echoes of his own cry. Something was alive and moving inside the derelict house. Blatantly ignoring the glass that was stabbing into his mechanical feet, Kohrak stepped inside to investigate. Inside was in much better shape than outside. Wallpaper still lined several walls, and the carpet appeared to have been washed and cleaned, as parts of it were hanging on a make-shift washing line to try. The furniture had been fixed up with rope and molten metal, a clear sign of who was here. "Pahrak?" A ball of silver and brown burst out of the kitchen to greet Kohrak. "Brother! It's been so long!" Pahrak gleamed. His slightly less mechanical parts were warm to the touch. He was in far better shape than Kohrak was. His armour glistened, despite the lack of ambient light. Not that Kohrak noticed. "How are you?" Kohrak sighed and felt around for something to sit on. "Oh, I'm wonderful, Everything is great and happy and oh wow... That was a lie. I'm coping. My eyesight keeps on coming and going and I don't know why. I was going to be all pathetic and pull the joke used in Anchor Man 2 but I don't want to now." Pahrak blinked. "I don't know what Anchor Man is. I thought you were living in the mountains with a tribe of Matoran or something?" "Used to. We got attacked by some sort of large, deaf monster. It killed pretty much everyone, before deciding to use my head as a chew toy. Hence my temperamental vision. Not that it matters. They were all horrible people anyway. They liked to kill and eat strangers. So I decided to get the heck off this planet. I've been living on a desert island since." Pahrak blinked again, unsure how to react. Kohrak sighed. "Have you heard from the others?" At that moment, something sparkled in the dining room. Pahrak jumped up, but Kohrak remained seated, just listening and tipping his head to one side. Another screech of the word "Brother!" informed Kohrak that whoever it was, they were friendly. "Oh my. I'm early. I'm never early!" It was Lehvak-Kal, as bouncy as ever. "Must be some sort of Smissmas miracle! Kohrak, you look awful." "Gee, thanks, remind me of all my suffering, why not?" Kohrak growled. "Sorry to hear that, brother. But for me, things have never been better! I met the most wonderful being. He gave me these cool powers. I'm like a deity now!" Kohrak and Pahrak blinked. Blinking was becoming rather commonplace around here. "So some god came along and gave you special powers?" Kohrak asked. "Pretty much. I'm like his apprentice. I cover for him when he's busy sleeping with whatever he's shapeshifted into this time. Not sure where Levik is right now though, he said he fancied making peace on a world filled with cold, mechanical monsters. His brother said he was the "Captain Kirk of the Kronospasts." I admit I don't get that reference." More blinking from Kohrak and Pahrak was briefly interrupted by the appearance of Gahlok and Nuhvok outside. They were arguing. "I told you they wouldn't be here, Nuhvok. You've spent way too long in that human place before you came to pick me up and look what's happened!" "Shush, Gahlok, they're probably just late!" "You shush! They-oh." Nuhvok and Gahlok paused. Pahrak grinned while Kohrak just sighed again. "So the only person not here is Tahnok?" Gahlok sniffed. "Pretty much, How have you two been? Oh hey, I can see again. I think tipping my head to one side affects my vision." Gahlok pulled up a chair and sat next to Kohrak. He'd had a lot of work done to his body. A lot of work. He looked more like a Baterra than a Bohrok. "That's because I now work as an ambassador between the Baterra and the hostile Spherus Magna races!" Gahlok explained. "Baterra can't talk very well, so I talk for them. I had to get a lot of work done though so I could live with them. I can shapeshift now." "Me too! Levik gave me all these cool god powers and it's been so awesome!" Lehvak exclaimed, raising his hand-shield for a high-five. "What about you, Nuhvok?" Nuhvok tilted his head back and forth, going through the various ways he could answer Lehvak's question. Working as a dish washer and as a shield generator didn't sound as awesome as working with the Baterra or being the side kick to a god. "Um, I went back to that human world. The one where that Medic person was from. The red versus blue one. I'm, um, retired, really. I just help Medic by cooking for the team and making sure the RED humans don't try and break in during the night." Yet more blinking. "Stop blinking, darn it!" Lehvak shouted. "You happy, Nuhvok?" "Yes." "Then you're fine. What about Tahnok?" Everyone stopped blinking and their gaze fell to the floor. "Didn't you hear, Lehvak?" Kohrak whispered. "No?" Gahlok shifted in his chair. Pahrak rubbed his eyes. "Tahnok died. The Toa got him." Lehvak opened his mouth but nothing came out. He tried again. "W-what do you mean?" "When the Toa went evil, he tried to save a village of Matoran by teleporting them into an underground cave system..." Nuhvok spoke slowly, noting the importance of what he was saying. "He managed to teleport 215 Matoran and 20 Rahi... But he failed to teleport himself... All of himself..." "Why do you think I went to the Baterra, why Kohrak went to his island, why Nuhvok left this planet, this universe completely?" Gahlok was also doing that Lehvak-is-dumb-speak-slowly thing. Everyone fell silent again, trying to take it all in again. "Um, what are you all sulking about?" "TAHNOK?" Tahnok stood in the doorway, grinning with glee. He had an eye missing and his hand-shields didn't match, not to mention the tubes and cuts and scars and dents in his body, but he was still Tahnok. "Explain. Now." Nuhvok hissed. "The Matoran and Rahkshi finished fixing me a couple of months ago. I was scouting the area when I noticed a strange electro-magnetic field and decided to investigate. How dare you have a family reunion without me!" Lehvak, Pahrak and Gahlok all rushed over, glomping Tahnok in a massive tacklehug. After an awkwardly long hug, they finally let go. Everyone sat down while Pahrak fetched a plate of cookies from the kitchen. "So, about those Toa?" Lehvak asked. "What about them? They all still, um, weird?" "Oh yes, the Toa Zombie Cannibal virus is still a thing..." Tahnok paused. "They've killed so many... And to think it all started so suddenly... I mean, look at this place!" "You know what?" Nuhvok's eyes lit up. "I've got an idea." "You have?" Kohrak asked. "That's new." "Hey, wait until I've said it before you judge!" Nuhvok snapped, before calming down. "I think, now we're all back together... I think we have the strength to fight back..." "It's not our fight though..." Kohrak sighed. "Most Matoran don't want out help." "That's not true!" Tahnok butted in. "The Matoran want any help they can get. If you are all willing, that is." "I am!" Gahlok raised his hand. "Me too. Engineer can build his own darn giant shield!" Nuhvok smiled. "Count me in, I'm sick of wandering around the desert making desserts on my own!" Pahrak leaped from his chair, half-chewed cookie falling from his mouth. "I'm stuck here until Levik's done whatever he's doing, so I'm in too!" Lehvak giggled. Tahnok turned to Kohrak. "You in?" "Sure. Shall we head off then?" "Not before I've had a cookie..." Tahnok grinned, glad to have the team back together. "Bloody Bahrag, I've missed you..."

This has a much darker, much more desolate tone to most Bionicle stories, particularly ones you've written. There's certainly something in the air, and it's begging the reader to continue and want to read more. Well done

I watched Anchorman 2. It was funny, but nowhere near as good as the first one. It was just too insane. The news anchor battle was worth waiting for, but a lot of the time, it was cringe-worthy.

Huh. I'd have thought they'd updated by now. Although with Minecraft having loads of more technical, multiplayer elements being added, it must be tricky. In 1.8, there's even going to be a primitive version of copying and pasting regions, like WorldEdit provides.

I may have to join then. I bump into very few Bionicle fans on my travels.

There's a server to join? Wait, vanilla or Tekkit or Bukkit or something? I'm alright with Bukkit but am not a fan of Tekkit.

Turns out I'm a month late for the brain juice party. Oh well. I'll see if I can write something.

It's been a really long time since I drew anything Bionicle-related, but I thought I'd show you this, which does have a Bionicle in it. People have always suggested that all Bionicle beings are rather large, generally bigger than humans, but compared to the beings in my imagination, Tahnok-Kal is, well, short. So here is a size chart, with the Saints Row Pyro being average human size and Medic being 2m tall. That brings Tahnok-Kal in at about a metre tall. Link because it's a big image. Bohrok aren't the only small critters in my mind though. The four-eyed critter with the glass of wine that isn't Kog'Maw is one of the most powerful beings in the Phoviverse and he's barely 1m tall. To make this more Bionicle-y, here's a picture of a Bohrok-Cow. Sorry if this isn't Bionicle-y enough.

Lovely shotglasses. Frosted glass has always appealed to me. You did the Chronicle Coffee exactly the same way I made my Bonk! Atomic Punch.

I just watched the Cobert Report.

Two wrongs don't make a right, right?

So, can anyone recommend some simple addons for Minecraft? I don't want anything hugely game-changing or anything, just a few things to spice the game up and doesn't require me to generate a whole new world or three.

I've always wondered what Hapori Tohu looked like. At first I used to think that maybe he was a two-dimensional being trapped in a three-dimensional world, or maybe a four-dimensional being who watches us for his own amusement. Either way, I'd find myself pondering on what this being was for longer and longer periods of time. There was a short while, when I was at my most active, that I'd wake up in a cold sweat during the night, as if I'd tripped and let go of... something. Perhaps, in my dreams, I had stumbled across an answer? I would sleep for longer, having earlier and earlier nights in an attempt to get to the bottom of the mystery but I would always fall short. As my dreams became restless paranoia, I began to fear for my sanity, which was always lacking in the first place. In the end, I slowly undid my ties with BZPower, in an attempt to get away from the strange dreams and the desire to discover who Hapori Tohu was. I began to sleep soundly once more.

There's a Steam group? Is it active? I love me a Steam group. Shame Steam keeps on throwing error messages at me.

Member name: Phovos the Raptor Avatar entry: Signature entry: [img=http://i.imgur.com/GWdNiId.png]For something posted more than 2 days ago, I kinda expected more entries.

Okay, the banana phone joke made me laugh way too much. I do think it's descending a bit into too much randomness but it's still enjoyable. I can't remember what Lok Vah Koor is. I think it's Clear Skies (Lok means Sky). Not very useful indoors.

You know what always makes the comedy contests done in this thread bad? We're trying to nominate old threads and not starting anything new. What we need is a contest with a predetermined theme, one that is fairly simple yet has some nice little ideas behind it. And we need to get the comedy writers to all write something new, to stay away from their comedies.* I'm particularly at fault here. I write my BKR topic and that's it. I don't try and do something else (although that's partly because no one ever reads the different stuff I write and when I asked for a review on one of my stories, I got 1/10 for pretty much no reason what so ever. I always disliked Rarity's reviews, they seemed too self-righteous and hateful.) and that makes me stale. That continues on and makes everything else stale too. Doesn't help that I'm busy on other forums elsewhere. Because, let's face it, it's been a long time. And even the twilight years weren't so good. * Also, prizes help. Doesn't even have to be a good prize.

Pahrak? Yes? Do you know where we're going? Um... You can be honest. I won't hit you. No... I thought I knew but then I got lost... Thwack. OW! You hit me! Tahnok didn't say anything about me hitting you. Stop it, Nuhvok. What was your plan, Pahrak? Um... We stay with Phovos for a bit... Heck no! What? Why? She'd kill us. That's why we don't rush off into these things then get lost like loonies. Aw. Sadface. ... Why don't we stay at wherever Kohrak stored our stuff? No can do. Not enough room. Darn. That sucks. You sure? There's no room. I tried shoving everything in so there was enough room for a bed or something but there's NO ROOM. Can we get out of the bloody rain now please? I have a giant umbrella here. I wouldn't recommend it, there's a storm coming. Oh yeah. So he says, as lightning flickers across the sky. Yeah, sadly, I don't know how to stop lightning. Lame. I'm sorry, guys, I messed up... This is gonna sound dumb, but why don't we just ask Veekay? That's a good idea. Okie! But we're lost... No we're not. It's just down there, and then a left, then two rights. Wait... What? Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do! O... Kay... That was random. Yeah. Let's go, the rain's getting on my nerves. Last one there's a rotten Kraata! Don't you mean egg? I was just trying to make it fit with the Bionicle theme around here... ... Go! I'm gonna... *poof* *zip* Darn. What? I forgot that Tahnok and Nuhvok can teleport... Hehe. So what's been with the slow progress with this story? Phovos has been busy. Work and stuff. And Skyrim and Team Fortress and stuff. Huh. What about those two other games? What, Saints' Row the Third and League of Legends? Yeah. Will we be seeing stuff from them at some point? Probably not! That's a shame. Come on, guys! You'll be the rotten Kraata! Heh.

I don't have a schedule. I've been busy with work. It's supposed to be one chapter every 2 days but I just don't have time. Also, I'm being pestered into playing League of Legends and Team Fortress 2... We have the same colour, almost, Phovos! I know. Now get back into that comedy! Aw okay... You sure this is the right make, Turahk? Nope. I've never studied Guurahk's microwave that closely. I just know it was this brand. Dunno what model it was. You're SO useful... Hey! You didn't even know what brand it was! Guurahk's going to kill us. Definitely. Did you bring money? Yes. 100 widgets. They're so bulky. I wish we had paper money. And debit cards. We'd never be able to apply for a bank account though. Yep. Kxxzzzzztt What was that? Oh, my walkie talkie. Lerahk? KkkkzztGET OUT OF THERE!kzzzt Huh? The signal is really bad, Lerahk, speak louder. KkkzzttHe's in the KZZZZT now! He's in the Kzzt now? Vorahk... What is it, Turahk? I'm talking to Lerahk! Vorahk! Ow! Don't hit me... Oh... Oh no... Quick, take the microwave and hide! Hiding! What are you doing here? Oh, nothing. Looking for a new... Erm... Spit it out. We wanted to get a cupcake maker. A cupcake maker. Er... Yeah... That's unusual, but not improbable. We, er, thought it'd be good for Vorahk... Fair enough. I'll leave you to it then. Wait, what are you doing here? Browsing. Oh okay... Bye. Is he gone? Yeah... Phew, that was close. I thought Lerahk was going to warn us! He did. It's just that the walkie talkies you bought were rubbish. Let's get out of here! Wait, we've got to pay first! Oh yeah... I wonder how Kurahk's getting on... Kzzt. I am fine. Kzzzt. ... Since when did Kurahk have telepathy and or early access to L:TRR? I don't know. That scares me. Wait... Kkkzt Guurahk's at the checkout! Kkkkkzt What? Oh... So he is... Wait... What's he buying? He's... He's... Kkzzzthe's kzzztbuying a kzzzzt... Next time, Vorahk, get some better walkie talkies! Good idea. These ones are rubbish. KKkzzt What did you KKkztpect for 3.99? Kzzzt... 3.99? You cheapskate. Hey, we're not the Toa Nuva, we're not rich! So what is he buying? Is that a microwave? Guurahk! Wait! I thought you were looking for cupcake makers. Why are you buying a microwave? And why do you never speak to me? ... Guurahk... ... ... So? My old microwave had a habit of catching fire. I decided to buy a new one before one of you guys used it and set my cave alight. WHAT? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- ... Ow. We all got scared because we thought we'd broken your microwave. Sorry, I should have said, I was buying a new one. Oh. Hey, Panrahk, you there? Kzzzt Yes. You can come out of hiding now. Guurahk said the microwave was already broken. Kzzzt Phew! That's Kzzzzzt! Okay, we're buying new walkie talkies right now. Fine. How much did he pay for those? 3.99 Lame.

So, erm, Kohrak, if our house was demolished... Where is all our stuff? I packed it all into storage. When? Tahnok, a load of stuff happened while you were ill. I wasn't ill, I had a multiple personality disorder. So how did you fix it? Did the Bahrag actually do anything? *shrug* I dunno. GAAAAASP! Don't you mean *gasp*? ... Is Phovos using those things now? Yeah. Random decision. Beats writing in prose. Definitely. But we're still homeless... Why don't we live inside the container with all our stuff in it? Not big enough. Really? We have a LOT of stuff. Didn't you have to destroy a lot of stuff too? Um... Yeah... Basically, while I was asleep and trapped in another universe, the Bahrag completely and utterly screwed us over, right? Pretty much. My head is still ringing from being thrown around. My arm is still numb. My foot hurts. Your foot hurts? I got run over. Wheels went over my foot. Can I be honest? No. Yes. Well... We're really outdated, you know. Couldn't agree more. You think? I don't think so. We're the Bohrok-Kal, we're all-powerful! We got our backsides handed to us by our own parents. I got run over by an Agori battle vehicle. We're not powerful in the slightest. I guess you have a point. You think we need to be re-dipped in that mutagenic liquid again? Or maybe we need training? NOT THE MUTAGENIC LIQUID! Why? It smells like rotten fish and cat litter trays that have been left outside for too long. Oh yeah. Ew. Couldn't get that off us for weeks... Oh, I remember that. The new leader of the Tahnok swarm refused to speak to me. Good thing we were put to sleep rather quickly... Yeah... But still, what can we do? I have a suggestion, but you won't like it. What is it? We, er, go and see the Baterra. They'll kill us. Not if I tell them that we're free of the Bahrag's influence. Eh. I'd rather not risk it. I've been mentally ill, put to sleep, thrown into a parallel dimension with a random Rahkshi for a week and then fallen through a hole in space-time. I don't want to add "Got my hands chopped off by a Baterra" to that list. Fair enough, I guess. Having my arm crushed did hurt... Oh, hiya, Bohrok! Hi. Hi! Hello! Good afternoon! Hi. Oh... Hi... Turahk... Gah, Turahk, we went over this. No Bohrok or Guurahk will have more of a reason to kill us! Oh, shush. Turahk, I'd like to say something to you. Oh? What? Here to hurt me again? Not at all! I wanted to apologise for the way I acted when I, um, dumped you. I shouldn't have been so harsh. I deserved it though, I tried to kill you. True, but I should have been the better being and have remained kind towards you instead of having a grudge. You weren't in control of your own actions. Thank you... Can we go now? What's your hurry? Panrahk blew up Guurahk's microwave, we're rushing to buy him a new one. Good luck with that! Thanks... Good luck! Thanks! Huh. That was nice. Glad I sorted that out. I just wish I knew what happened to that other Turahk. Other Turahk? The one stuck with me in the other universe. He just disappeared... Never mind. I'm sure he's fine. He's probably having a party as we speak. Aw, it's raining. Eh, I hate rain. Oddly, I quite like it. I'll put a little shield over us. Thanks, bro. No worries. Guys, I have an idea! Oh? I'll tell you when we get there! You can't tell us now? Follow meeeeee!

Something died? Oh, no, it's all still alive. I think. So are my two comedies, barely.

Guys! Guys! I... What are the Bahrag doing to Pahrak? He didn't want to fight Pohatu, so the Bahrag are bashing him against the floor until he changes his mind. Won't that really badly damage him? Probably. Kohrak's fixing Lehvak's arm. He got his arm crushed by a group of Baterra. Oh heck! Why? Bahrag wanted us to get the Baterra to attack Matoran. Basically sent Lehvak on a suicide mission. Instead, he talked them into not attacking Toa or Matoran if they were nearby, as Toa hardly use weapons and bamboo discs can hardly be called weapons now, can they? Oh... Why did they crush his arm? Because after he'd made the deal, he explained about what the Bahrag really wanted. That makes no sense. Hi, brothers... You alright, Lehvak? I'll live. Did you destroy that town square? No. They are going to beat the snot out of you. Not when they hear that I've figured out a loophole in their contract... WHAAAAT? Ah, Bahrag. I'm not doing your work any more. AND WHY NOT? Because your contract states that all parties must have been aware of signing the contract. Tahnok wasn't aware when the contract was signed. Tahnok was not part of the contract. Yes, he was. Our working for you was based on him not being present. Thus he needs to be aware that him not being present means we have to work for you. That is... YAY NUHVOK! Wow, that was really smart! Thank Macku. She whacked me on the head and... WE'RE NOT DONE YET! Aw, I thought we were... Can you stop smashing me against the floor please? No. The contract has been broken, let him go! No. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Fine. Ow... Thank you... TAHNOK? Tahnok! Yay, Tahnok! Ow... What in Karzhani just happened? Thank heavens! You're back! Yeah... What happened? I was in a coma and then I was on this planet with these really cool guys and we were just chatting and suddenly I fell through the floor and ended up here. While you were gone, the Bahrag tried to make us undo all the nice things we've been doing. Really? Bahrag, that's really naughty of you! We're your parents, you do as we say. We're not your kids. We're not even genetically related. You have no control over us. You lost that control when you left us behind within the remains of Mata Nui. Oh darn. Sister, he's right. He is? We forgot to fix the Abandonment contract. Dag nabbit. Wait, is that true? Yeah. Since when? Since when I just said. Oh, cool. It's good to see you all again. Where's Kohrak? Chained up in the lab. Because the Bahrag kept on breaking us. That sucks. Let's go save him. Wait, you're all fixed, Tahnok? Yep. No changed personality? Urm... Kinda... So you're not 100% you. ... Let's go save Kohrak. Good idea. Yay! Together again! Yay. Oh, hi guys... TAHNOK! Kohrak! Is it all over? Yep. No having to kill the Bahrag or anything? Nope. Everything is sorted out. I think Phovos kinda copped out and wanted to make her 4000th post a nice, happy one... I'm so glad. Me too. Nothing sucks more than a long, drawn out, sad story in a comedy. Yay... I'll cut you down. Thanks, Pahrak... So, anything else I need to know about, apart from the Bahrag being monsters again? Er... Yeah... Bad news, Tahnok... They made us destroy our house... Aw... I'm sorry... It's okay... I'm sure we can find somewhere else, right? Let's go and have a look! To the estate agent! I never thought I'd say this, but yay! We're all back together! Yep, and it's glorious! Indeed! Ah, it's good to be home...

Panrahk... Yes? You do realise that, when Guurahk returns, he is going to kill you, slowly and painfully? But I'm not alive... Your Kraata is. OH NOES! I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE! D: Or you could just apologise and buy Guurahk a new microwave. Okay, I put it out... There's all burnt plastic and stuff in here. Panrahk, you forgot to remove the plastic wrapper! Sorry... What a waste of pizza. Eh, pass it here, I'll pick out the plastic. Dumb. And gross. Hey, waste not, want not. I don't see why I should throw away the edible bits. There are edible bits in that blackened mess? Eh, a few. Oh! Pepperoni! Guys, you do realise that Guurahk will kill all of us, right? Why? Panrahk was the one who broke the microwave! Yeah, doesn't mean he won't try to pin it on us. Or Guurahk might just blame us all anyway... Guurahk does have a habit of doing that. And I don't fancy him stepping on my Kraata. Exactly... Mind if I try that? Sure. There's an edible slice here. Thanks... EW. Bloody Makuta, you like that? Yes. Although, to be fair, my taste buds are mostly dead. I don't want my Kraata squished! Not me. Not my fault. Doesn't mean that Guurahk may beat the snot out of you anyway. Because we all know that Guurahk is by far the strongest of us... He's the only one with half a brain. What do we do then? Go out and buy a new microwave? I guess... But what if we bump into Guurahk at the shops! Oh darn, good point... I have a plan! Oh? Okay, Turahk and I will go to the shops and find a new microwave. Lerahk will find and follow Guurahk and warn us if he's getting close. Kurahk stays here in case Guurahk comes back here, and he'll explain that we've just gone to the shops to buy cookies. What about me? Oh, yeah, you have to go and stick your head inside a bowl of acid. WHY? Because you're a moron and everyone hates you. Aw. That sounds good to me, except for the last bit of course. Panrahk should stay here with Kurahk. No way. Too high of a chance of him blubbing and telling Guurahk what he did. No, Panrahk, you need to run away and hide. Okay. Everyone clear? Yes. Yep. Yeah. Okay, let's GO!

Oh. My. Bahrag. That's adorable! It does look like he has a beak though. But he's still really cute!