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Ask Tahu!


Master Inika

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Episode 0: The Longest Introduction You'll Ever Read

BZPower Comedies Forum, 2007

“COMING SOON: Ask Tahu! Expect lots and lots of randomness, wackiness, zaniness, and pie jokes when the one and only TOA TAHU answers YOUR questions!”

Master Inika smiled and took a breath of satisfaction as he proofread the teaser, his finger hovering over the button that would save it to his signature. He was already one of the greatest comedy writers on BZPower (just ask him!), being the brilliant mind behind such underappreciated masterpieces as Ask Nuhrii, The Toa Mata’s Hotel, Matoran Go to School, and The Day the Bionicles Came to Life. But the young artist knew he needed to write something truly epic for him to leave his legacy on the site. At 11 years old, he knew he was reaching his acme, and he’d need to capitalize on it big time.

The teaser looked perfect, he decided. But before he could publish it for the world to see, his phone rang. Master Inika sighed. When Ask Tahu! made him BZPower's most famous member, he’d need to hire Dark Hunters just to separate the raving fans from the important people, he knew.

“Yello?” he said as he picked up, putting his white-armored legs up on the footrest next to him.

“Em-eye, it’s Tahu,” he heard from the other side.

“Tahu, baby, talk to me!” exclaimed Master Inika. “I’m just about to add to my sig the teaser to our upcoming hit.”

“Glad I caught you in time.” The Toa of Fire’s tone was somber. “Something came up. I’ll be needed in Karda Nui before we can start production. I won't be able to do the comedy. I’m sorry.”

Master Inika sputtered out a shocked acknowledgement, and then hung up. He was trembling. If Tahu were there, he’d have seen the look of utter despair on the writer's face. Or maybe he wouldn’t, maybe he would have “sensed the expression he wore under his Kanohi Mask of Mimicry,” or something; the story isn’t consistent when it comes to if Kanohi can show emotion. Either way, he would have seen Master Inika’s green eyes flash between anger and fear.

“W-Well who needs that hothead, anyway?” he quivered. He gulped and flailed his fists as he continued: “I’ll show him for snubbing me like that! I’ll show them all! What do you know, anyway, Dad? Er, um, I mean, Tahu?”

BZPower General Discussion Forum, 2011

The 15-year-old Master Inika sat on the side of the road, a cardboard sign of a texture he’d grown familiar with in his vaguely Y-shaped hands. It read: “Will Write for Food.”

His plans to rise to fame hadn’t worked out as he’d intended. For one, the entire website was down for half a year in 2009, only to return in time for what remained of the fandom to learn the BIONICLE line was to be retired in 2010. Turns out some kids had trouble following a story about a far-off planet splintered by a civil war whose leaders constructed a giant robot to explore the universe and learn about different cultures, but the smaller beings maintaining the inside of the giant robot gained sentience and one of the smaller beings decided to become evil and take over the big robot’s body, but there was a contingency plan where six heroes would fight the bad guy, but they land on a tropical island that was, after seven years, revealed to be the robot’s face, and after nine years, we learn about the original planet with the civil war, and Master Inika just couldn’t understand how that could “confuse” a little kid. Just keep up with all the books, comics, online serials, and questions fans asked the guy who wrote it all on an unofficial fansite, and it was pretty easy to follow.

Anyway, when the site was finally brought back, the fanbase had matured. They couldn’t be satiated by juvenile pie jokes and tried-and-true formats anymore. Most of them had filled the void of BZPower’s downtime with more adult-oriented media, like My Little Pony. The creative types in the fanbase would need to change their ways.

Master Inika hated change. Mata Nui, this was the guy who cried when Subway announced they were discontinuing his favorite sandwich. But, sitting there on the streets of General Discussion, the once-great comedy writer realized, if he wanted to succeed, he couldn’t just be a comedy writer anymore. He stood up, dropped his cardboard sign, brushed himself off, and headed for the Short Stories forum.

“Hey!” an automated voice shouted. Master Inika turned head to see one of the cameras that dotted the forums. Each one was equipped with a speaker, Taser, indestructible armor, X-ray vision capabilities, and an AK-47. On the side of each camera was the numeral “XI” painted in black ink. “Did you just litter?”

“Um, n-no!” Master Inika replied, standing up straight.

“Minus two Proto points!” the automated voice declared as Master Inika felt two units of his life energy sucked out of him.
 
“Dang it!” he muttered he turned and continued his journey.

BZPower Epics Forum, 2014

Master Inika, 18 years old, sat down in his desk, dropping his suitcase next to him. He admired the size and grandeur of his office before spinning his chair around to take in the beauty of BZPower through his wall-sized window. The fandom had recuperated and recovered from the Great Dataclysm and ensuing divisions in the fandom. They had built a new BZPower, stronger and more united than ever, and in this new fandom, Master Inika had found the success he’d longed for. His writing style adapted as he knew it had to and could. Well-received works like Maku’s Diary, Hunting for the Truth, and the collaboration project Unseen Light brought him more acclaim than any of his childish comedies from back in the day.

“Sir, your 5:00 is here to see you,” a female voice said from the intercom on his desk.

He pressed the button and responded, “Excellent, send him it.” He glanced at the clock. 5:47, right on schedule.

Tahu dragged himself through the doors, taking a seat and looking wordlessly at Master Inika for a moment.

“Tahu, baby, talk to me,” Master Inika offered wryly.

“You suck,” the Toa of Fire replied.

“Have you reviewed my offer?” the writer asked, hoping to get to the point.

Tahu, after a moment of silence, answered, “Let me get this straight: Ask Tahu!, exactly as you first wrote it, all the way back in 2007?”

“That’s right,” Master Inika confirmed with a nod.

“Flanderized characters and pie jokes intact?” Tahu pressed on, glaring at the silver-armored figure.

“Every single pie joke,” Master Inika confirmed.

Tahu sighed. “I’ll ask: why?”

The writer stood up and paced back and forth along the glass wall, glancing between Tahu and the cityscape of BZPower outside. “I really don’t like change, Tahu. I never liked BZPower as a secular LEGO site. We were founded on BIONICLE and we need to stay BIONICLE. I also never liked this push for ‘maturity’ or ‘talent.’ I had talent! I’m Master-freaking-Inika! You see, I never truly adapted. It was all a front to gain enough credibility to remind BZPower of what’s truly funny: pie jokes! Maku’s Diary? That was uninspired, boring rubbish! Ask Tahu! will be my true masterpiece. And I can’t do it without you. Remember, the mortgage doesn’t pay itself. Of course, you could make a living with what LEGO has in mind for BIONICLE 2015. Doesn’t it sound grand, fighting for Ekimu on the mystical island of Okoto?”

Tahu covered his ears and recoiled. “Never use those words around me!” he cried.

“So I take it you’ve decided?” The writer knew not to relent when making deals.

With bitter resignation in his voice, Tahu gave his reply: “I accept your offer.”

“Not quite what I’m looking for; reread Clause 5, Paragraph 47 of my contract.”

Tahu grumbled to himself and went into the closet, a moment later coming out in a pink dress. With a look of utter hatred, he curtsied and said in a high falsetto, “I, Tahu, Toa of Pink Frilliness, accept your generous offer to be in Ask Tahu!, the greatest story BZPower will ever see.”

“That’s more like it,” Master Inika said with sick satisfaction. “Report to the studio tomorrow at 6:00 sharp. We’re going to change BZPower.”

Next Chapter: Will Master Inika’s true vision of comedy come to fruition? How will the fanbase react? Will Master Inika force anyone else to wear a dress? Find out on next week on Ask Tahu!

Edited by Master Inika
  • Upvote 7

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

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WOW. 

 

 

Just wow. I am in awe of the quality of your writing. Normally I would give a full, In-depth review, but I cannot find the words. Your comedy, if your introduction is any indication, will be one of the new hallmarks of the Comedies forum.

 

Just don't let it go to your head. 

 

Seriously, this is very well written and has me hooked. I honestly cannot wait to read the next chapter!

Defy Expectations

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Sorry for the delay in Chapter 1; I'd like to say it's a joke about how BZPower writers circa '07 started projects they couldn't finish, but I'm actually just lazy

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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Characters List (to tell you each character's traits that you either find out anyway, or are never seen or mentioned):

Master Inika: The author of Ask Tahu! among other classics, Master Inika is returning to comedies after finding moderate success as an epic and short story writer. He is arrogant, lazy, and generally dislikable. Master Inika has grown disillusioned with the alleged “maturity” of BZPower post-downtime, and seeks to return the site to the way it used to be. He wears the Great Mask of Mimicry, and has limited Elemental Ice powers.

Tahu: Tahu is a washed-up former hero struggling after BIONICLE’s cancelation, and now the star of Ask Tahu! Unwilling to work with BIONICLE 2015, which he refers to as “pandering Kane-Ra dung whitewashed with Bob Thompson’s tears,” he reluctantly works with Master Inika out of necessity. He wears the Kanohi Hau, the Great Mask of Shielding, and has Elemental Fire powers.

The Rest of the Toa: The other five members of Tahu’s team are past their prime and opposed to the BIONICLE reboot as their leader is. Gali is the calm, gentle female always preaching teamwork, and Kopaka is antisocial, and also loves Gali, competing with Tahu for her affection. Lewa is impulsive and random, Onua is quiet and wise, and Pohatu is the straight man. None of them have any other personality traits or depth whatsoever.

Vezon: Vezon has no narrative reason to be anywhere near this comedy, but he was featured so prominently in the serials and given such cool one-liners, Master Inika will attempt to use Vezon at random times in lieu of actual humor.

Episode 1: Mata Nui, Not Another "Ask" Comedy

Toa Tahu entered the stage to a flurry of applause and cheering. He smiled and waved to the crowd of Matoran in the audience. As he took his seat, Master Inika flipped the switch that turned off the Clap-o-Matic machine as the Toa of Fire began to speak.

“Gathered friends, welcome to Ask Tahu!” the veteran Toa shouted. “This is the show where I, Toa Tahu, leader of the Toa Nuva, answer your valuable questions! Let’s get the first question on the screen.”

The giant monitor behind Tahu quickly loaded and displayed an image. It was not, however, a question for Tahu; it was the homepage for MaskofLove.com, with a search bar reading: “Ko-Matoran male seeks open-minded Vortixx female…”

“Master Inika!” Tahu shouted.

From the back of the chamber, the Ko-Matoran looked up from his laptop. “Yeah?” Then, processing the screen, he said, “Oh, right! Sorry!” He clicked out of the website, and pulled up the file of Tahu’s questions.

 

Toa Tahu, once so mighty, now on a poorly-thought-out “Ask” comedy? What happened to the self-righteous quest of a Toa to fight evil?

 
Tahu turned to the camera and said, “Well, Makuta, it just so happens that I am fighting evil! Reading comedies increases viewers' literacy, making them less likely to commit crimes! Crimes are the source of all evil, so we should all prevent crimes in any way we can.”

Behind his smile, which was behind his mask anyway, Tahu was crying. What kind of person writes dialogue like this? he thought with resignation.

In the back of the room, Master Inika had just finished counting his widgets and thanked the Vahki whom were just leaving. “Thank you Metru Nui Ministry of Public Security,” he said to himself, licking his biomechanical lips, and even as he did recognizing how awkward it would sound if that phrase were to be written down.
 

Hey Tahu, do you have a crush on Gali?


The audience of Matoran went “Ooh!” in unison. Master Inika huffed and folded his arms, his hopes of getting to use his Ooh!-o-Matic effectively dashed.

Up on stage, Tahu blushed, but luckily nobody could see that on his already-red mask. He gulped and said, “Well, um, I… Gali and I have been friends for a long time, you see, and…”

“And it’s going to stay that way,” finished Kopaka, Toa of Ice.

“Toa Kopaka?” Taipu shouted from the audience, taken by the shock. “I had no idea he was going to appear!”

Onepu rolled his eyes. “He was on the Characters List in the booklets they gave us at the beginning of the show; didn’t you read yours?” he asked.

Taipu looked down and pulled out the booklet he’d crumpled and shoved into his bag, frantically skimming over it for other names he hoped to see. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw Vezon’s name. “Look Onepu, Vezon might show up! I love that guy; he’s so funny!”

Onepu shook his head and looked back forward, and saw Tahu preparing to answer another question.
 

Hi Tahu, I’m an Onu-Matoran miner. I worked 16 hours of overtime last week, in preparation for getting the weekend off next week to go visit the Archives with my friends. But when I put in my request, my supervisor said he couldn’t do it. I got a little angry and said some things I probably shouldn’t have, and he put me on notice. Am I in the wrong here? What should I do?


The audience murmured, impressed that an actually compelling question appeared. They turned to the Toa of Fire, eager to hear his reply.

“Pfft, next question!” Tahu said. Noticing the glares of the Matoran at him, he simply looked down on them and said, “What? Who cares about this loser and his life?”

“Tahu!” Gali, the Toa of Water, hissed. “This poor Matoran came to you seeking your guidance; the least you could do it acknowledge him. You can be such a thoughtless, inconsiderate, oafish…”

Gali’s words slowly stopped reaching Tahu as he couldn’t help think of how hot she looked when she was mad. Gali really knows how to tell someone off. I bet Kopaka wishes he was me. Come to think of it, I wonder what she’s saying.

It was then he noticed she wasn’t speaking, just looking at him while breathing heavily, exhausted by her tirade against him. “Do you get what I’m saying, Tahu?”

“Oh, yeah,” Tahu replied, nodding affirmatively. He turned to the audience and said, “Whoever you are, guy from Onu-Metru, I think you should sit down with your manager…” He looked to Gali and saw her nodding approvingly. “…and, uh, have a heartlight-to-heartlight conversation about your obligations and rights as a worker.” Gali, satisfied, leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

“Ooh!” the two Toa heard from the crowd of Matoran.

“Nailed it!” Master Inika beamed, proudly stroking his Ooh!-o-Matic as it vibrated and hummed. He noticed the Matoran audience staring at him, confused, and he simply told them, “What? Let’s be honest, this beautiful machine does it better than your auto-voices.”

Tahu noticed not one Matoran was looking at him. Now was his chance. He stood and turned, getting ready to run to the door. But before he could, Kopaka’s Ice Blade connected with his body and froze him solid. “Sorry, brother,” the Toa of Ice said.

Next Chapter: Will Master Inika continue to make references to Mask of Light that confuse you whether you’ve seen it or not? Will there be any development with the Tahu-Gali-Kopaka love triangle? Will the next chapter be published five days late like this one? Find out next time (not necessarily “week”) on Ask Tahu!

Edited by Master Inika

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

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Click here to visit my library!

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Looks like the comedy seems to be progressing in the same manner as most Ask Comedies I've read over the years.

 

Also I've noticed that you spelt "cancellation" incorrectly in the Characters List.

 

Good job. It will take some work to beat he success of ask Vezon, though.

Bit arrogant there, eh? :3

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Looks like the comedy seems to be progressing in the same manner as most Ask Comedies I've read over the years.

 

Also I've noticed that you spelt "cancellation" incorrectly in the Characters List.

I believe "cancelation" is the standard American spelling.

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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I see. I'm more used to it with two Ls, mostly because 'cancelation' seems to be unique only to the US.

'Murica! We're too lazy for more than one "L."
  • Upvote 1

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Episode 2: (note to self: add title before posting)

Master Inika was roused from his peaceful sleep by a knock on the door. He picked himself up out of the pile of relatively soft garbage in the center of his studio and made his way to the door.

“What is it? Do you have any idea what hour it is?” he screamed through the door.

“Um, 5:47 PM, sir,” he heard back. “Anyway, I’ve got 100 pies here for, uh, Mr. Inika.”

The Ko-Matoran fumbled to open the door and snapped, “That’s Master Inika! Bring them around the back.”

As the delivery man obeyed, Master Inika glanced at his calendar.

I really haven’t updated Ask Tahu! in two weeks? he thought to himself. Ugh, I guess I’d better.

After setting up the stage, the typical crowd of Matoran shuffled in as the six Toa sat on the stage. Master Inika opened his laptop in the back of the studio and pulled up the questions.

Ask Tahu! was written in front of a live studio audience.

Amidst the awkward silence following the intercom’s announcement, Tahu finally asked, “Um, what the Karzahni was that?”

“It’s a joke!” Master Inika shouted from his chair.

“It’s not funny, and it doesn’t make any sense. You need to keep it straight whether you’re like a writer writing a play or a director making a show,” Tahu replied.

“And it’s not even true,” Kopaka pointed out. “You wrote it at 11 o’ clock at night in front of your cat.”

Master Inika rolled his eyes and began the questions.

 

Just something I’ve been wondering, what set form are you supposed to be in during this show?


Tahu stood up, proudly showing off his 2010 Adaptive Armor. “This isn’t even my final form!” he boasted. “Wait, actually, yes it is.”

“But what about your Master of Fire form for 2015?” Pohatu asked innocently.

“We are NOT mentioning that!” Tahu snapped. “Don’t pretend you don’t hate it, too!” Tahu walked across the stage, making sure that his neck articulation was shown very prominently, and said, “You’re all just jealous you’re in your 2002 forms.”

“We’re not jealous of that crack in your shoulder socket,” Kopaka added.

“Hey!” the Toa of Fire snapped. “Master Inika will get a new one on Bricklink!” He took a deep breath and said, “Anyway, next question!”
 

Toa Tahu, which of your past weapons is your favorite?


Tahu sat back down and took a moment to think. As he did so, images of all his past tools showed up on the screen behind him: his original 2001 Fire Sword, Magma Swords, Rotating Fire Blades, Nynrah Ghost Blaster, and his 2010 Fire Sword.

“I’d have to say the Magma Swords,” he said with conviction. “They have that nostalgic originality to them, but they’re way cooler than the Fire Sword. I mean, they can turn into a lavaboard! How cool is that?”

“Don’t you mean, ‘How hot is that?’” Master Inika shouted. Nobody laughed. “Well, I guess we have time for one more question.”
 

Dear Tahu, why do you think your team wasn’t able to beat the Piraka?


All of the Toa Nuva exchanged glances as Tahu gestured to his teammates.

“Tahu’s leadership,” Kopaka finally said.

“Kopaka!” the Toa of Fire shouted as he raised his sword. Just as Kopaka raised his, Master Inika appeared on the stage with a pie in each hand. The Toa all dropped their weapons and covered their masks.

“Anyone hungry?” the Ko-Matoran asked.

“The treat-pies… they are for us to hunger-eat?” Lewa asked uneasily.

“Of course! There’s enough for all of you.”

The Toa all calmed down as Master Inika prepared a plate for each of them.

“This pie is pretty good,” Tahu said as he wolfed his down. “I thought you’d be doing some stupid pie joke.”

“Yeah, I’m here to show that not all pie jokes are stupid.”

Tahu stopped eating and asked, a little afraid, “What kind of joke is this supposed to be?”

“The pie is poisonous,” Master Inika said matter-of-factly.

Will the Toa get sick from eating Master Inika’s poisonous pie? Find out eventually on Ask Tahu!

Do you have a question for Tahu? Post any question you want, and if Master Inika can think of a funny joke for it, it might be in the show! Good luck! (No questions from BZPower members living in Burma, Iran, North Korea, or Quebec, please.)

Edited by Master Inika
  • Upvote 1

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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Episode 3: Audience Participation

 

From the stage, the six Toa Nuva sat, all still groaning from Master Inika’s pie “joke.” As a crowd filled the seats, Master Inika walked up to the stage.

 

“Gathered friends, I am happy to announce that Ask Tahu! will, for the first time,” Master Inika began, “feature questions submitted by viewers like YOU!” As he said the final word, he bent a knee and pointed directly at Kongu.

 

“Like me how?” Kongu asked.

 

“Yes!” the author said as he snapped his body upright. “Now, in one flick of a Muaka’s ear, we’ll have the show underway!”

 

He hummed a victorious tune to himself as he made his way to his laptop. He opened it up, went to his B-mail account, and checked his inbox…

 

No New Messages

 

Master Inika, willing his smile to stay on his face, looked up at the crowds of anxious Matoran. Not one of those insipid little mites had a question to ask?

 

Thinking quickly, he checked his Spam folder. No questions from Matoran, but there were a few from other BZPower members.

 

Those losers? he thought. Well, the show must go on, I guess.

 

Tahu, are you allergic to anything? Signed, Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow

“Just defeat and failure!” Tahu beamed.

 

“And cheese,” Kopaka added.

 

Tahu glared at the Toa of Ice and ordered, “Next question!”

 

Did you ever pull any pranks on Turaga Vakama? Signed, Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow

“Well…” Tahu said hesitantly, “there was the time I replaced his Mask of Concealment with a powerless one…”

 

“That’s when we found out he regularly sneaks to Ga-Koro in the middle of the night for make-out sessions with Nokama,” Gali explained.

 

“Eww!” the audience cried.

 

“Old people being affectionate! How disgusting!” Hafu gaged.

 

“Answer another question before I vomit!” Dekar pleaded.

 

Tahu, are you just jelly that the 2015 Tahu has lots of parts, a working gearbox with posability, cool parts, dual-function weapons, two masks and a villain?

“No!” Tahu exclaimed. “I just happen to think that the 2015 Tahu isn’t built as well as any of my past incarnations. Plus, he’s different, and things that are different are bad! Remember when LEGO tried redefining BIONICLE in 2009? Nobody was a fan of that.”

 

“But wasn’t BIONICLE’s launch in 2001 an attempt by LEGO to redefine itself?” Tamaru asked.

 

Tahu, desperate, looked to Master Inika, who shrugged. The Toa of Fire replied, “Um, if you have a question, please submit it to Master Inika and it will be answered in the next episode.”

 

“Well, that’s all the time we have for today!” Master Inika said as he appeared back on stage.

 

“In other words,” Tahu said under his breath, “you’re out of ideas.”

 

Ignoring him, the author continued: “But I do have one more announcement for today! Since Ask Tahu! has gotten so popular, I’ve decided to expand my enterprise by taking on a new unpaid intern every episode!” Looking to the camera, he said, “If you’d like a spot on Ask Tahu! as a one-time Guest Star, please PM me with your name, appearance, personality, and attitude toward the rest of the cast!”

 

“Didn’t he speak-say other BZPower members were losers before?” Lewa quietly asked Pohatu.

 

“’Yes, but they’re useful losers!” Master Inika said with a smile. “So what are you waiting for? Send in your forms as soon as you can, and we’ll get that contract signed!” As soon as Master Inika noticed Tahu mouthing “no” to the camera, he stepped in front of the Toa of Fire. “Hope to hear from you soon!”

 

Next Chapter: Which loser will be Master Inika’s first GS? Will Master Inika bad-mouth any other groups he should be trying to flatter? Find out next time on Ask Tahu!

Edited by Master Inika
  • Upvote 1

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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Thinking quickly, he checked his Spam folder. No questions from Matoran, but there were a few from other BZPower members.

 

Those losers? he thought. Well, the show must go on, I guess.

 

Tahu, are you allergic to anything? Signed, Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow

“Just defeat and failure!” Tahu beamed.

 

“And cheese,” Kopaka added.

 

Tahu glared at the Toa of Ice and ordered, “Next question!”

 

Did you ever pull any pranks on Turaga Vakama? Signed, Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow

“Well…” Tahu said hesitantly, “there was the time I replaced his Mask of Concealment with a powerless one…”

 

“That’s when we found out he regularly sneaks to Ga-Koro in the middle of the night for make-out sessions with Nokama,” Gali explained.

 

 

First off, I resemble that remark. :P How dare you refer to me as a "BZPower member?" The appropriate term is "overgrown, toy-obsessed children."

 

Anyway, I was hoping for something a bit more with the first question, but that second answer more than made up for it! That was absolutely genius!  :superfunny:

 

I'll be sure to send in my paperwork for that internship. ;)

~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Episode 4: Oh Yeah, I Have a Comedy

Master Inika finally couldn’t take that tapping on his door.

“Go away! I don’t want any!” he slurred, throwing a Kanoka-Kola bottle at his door.

He was inconvenienced with a reply from the other side of the door: “Um, Master Inika? It’s me, the 1st Shadow. You hired me to help with your show?”

The Ko-Master’s eyes widened in fear. “I’ve never heard of you in my entire life!” he insisted.

“Are you sure? You said when we met I’d be a great intern –”

“Wait!” Master Inika snapped. He forced himself to sit up from his couch, knocking soda bottles and a bowl with a couple chips in it to the floor. He switched off the muted TV as he connected the dots: intern, so, probably, unpaid intern…

He unlocked all five of the locks on his door and opened it. Standing on the other side was a being his own size with green and black armor and a black Kakama.

“So what did I hire you to do again?” Master Inika asked.

“I’m your intern for Ask Tahu!” the Kakama-wearer replied.

Master Inika raised a biomechanical eyebrow. “What in the world is that?”

“Um, it’s your comedy.” When Master Inika only looked more skeptical, the 1st Shadow continued: “It’s part of some kind of conspiracy you have to bring BZPower comedies back to 2007?”

“Oh yeah!” the Ko-Matoran said. He stood up straight, trying to hide his Kanoka-Kola hangover. “Let’s get to the studio now. I’ll even drive you!”

Despite the 1st Shadow’s protests, Master Inika drove to his studio a mile and a half away. Master Inika’s “shortcut” was eight miles and went straight through a cemetery, a wedding, and a National Monument.

“Well, here’s the crew: Tahu, Lewa, Onua, Kopaka, Gali, and, um… It’ll come to me,” Master Inika said to his new employee.

The 1st Shadow sized up his new coworkers: Gali and Kopaka were trying to put out a fire Tahu started, Onua was locked in combat with Lewa, who turned out to be a Brotherhood of Makuta sleeper agent, and the other guy was standing in the middle talking about Unity or something.

He gave his employer a “Really?” glare, which Master Inika answered with an “I know” glance, coupled with a “You get used to it” shrug.

Soon, everything was ready for the show to begin. The 1st Shadow sat where Master Inika usually did, handling the laptop, while Master Inika was in a sound booth overhead.
 

Hey, Tahu! How do you feel about the Toa Inika/Mahri (who used to be McToran) doing better than you did against 6 Skakdi? And also, where's Vezon?


Tahu cleared his throat and said, “I’m pretty sure it was just the bending necks, elbows, and knees. I mean, as soon we my team got them, we did great against the Makuta in Karda Nui. Right, guys?”

For once, all five of Tahu’s teammates agreed, nodding their heads and smiling proudly.

“But didn’t Toa Ignika unleash the Energy Storms that killed them?” Photok asked.

“Yeah, actually,” Tanma added. “I’m pretty sure if your team never showed up, the Ignika would have created itself a body anyway and reawakened Mata Nui just the same.”

Tahu’s team exchanged unsure glances.

“If we didn’t show up, you and all your friends would have ended up Shadow Leeched and destroyed in the storms,” Kopaka snapped.

“Or as Toa of Shadow!” Solek pointed out.

“You’re not helping!” Tanma shouted.

“Pohatu!”

Everyone stared up at Master Inika’s sound booth to see him holding his fists up in victory. They heard him clear his throat over the sound system.

“I told you I’d remember,” he said.

The 1st Shadow said, “Let’s get to the second part of the question. Something about Vezon.”

“Who’s…” a random Matoran began, and before anyone could stop him, concluded, “that?”

Everybody took cover as a hole through space and time tore open through the middle of the studio. Through it stepped a silver-armored half-Skakdi.

“Hello everyone!” Vezon said. The collective groan of the audience echoed throughout the building.

The 1st Shadow’s Mask of Speed flared with energy as he sprinted to meet the newcomer. “No, no, no, no, no…” he said. “I’ve had enough new people for today. You’re going back through that portal to whatever unnecessary alternate universe you came from!”

“It was a pocket dimension, actually,” Vezon corrected. “It was filled with living Kanoka Disks. There were Rhotuka Spinners, too, but they were severely discriminated against.”

In the sound booth, Master Inika was busy adding “Living Kanoka Pocket Dimension” to BIONICLEsector01’s Articles for Creation when he heard a loud whack. He looked to see Vezon rubbing his head and the 1st Shadow cradling his hand. He opened a window to listen.

“Oh, you’ve done it now,” Vezon said as his mask sparked and crackled. A new portal appeared, slowly moving toward them.

“What’s going on?” the 1st Shadow asked as he turned around. But he was too late. The portal engulfed him and began to disperse after.

“Well, another day, another universe disrupted,” Vezon said before diving in as the portal dissipated completely.

Everyone, still fazed, took their seats as Master Inika begrudgingly left his beloved sound booth. He sat by his laptop and opened the last question of the day.
 

Hey Tahu, since you were featured in the Ask Vezon comedy, how did you like the vinegar forced down your throat?

 

Tahu just shivered and said, “You know what, I think we can all agree we’ve had enough Vezon for one day.”

“Or a millennium,” Kopaka added. The others all nodded, so Bara Magna, Aqua Magna, Bota Magna, and Solis Magna must have been aligned, because for the second time in a single day, all six Toa were in agreement.

“Well, my intern got sucked into another dimension,” Master Inika reflected as he closed his computer. “I guess I’ll have to find another one.”

“Maybe you’d have more candidates if you made it a paying position,” Gali suggested.

“Brilliant!” the writer exclaimed. He turned to the camera and said, “If you’re willing to pay 10 widgets an hour, please PM me, Master Inika, with your name, appearance, and personality, and you will be considered for a one-time guest star role as my personal intern!”

“That’s not perfect-quite what she meant,” Lewa said, but Master Inika wasn’t listening.

“Send those PMs in, everyone!” he said with a smile. “It’ll be super fun; we’ll get drunk on Kanoka-Kola and watch YouTube reviews. Who needs ol’ whatever-his-name-is, anyway?”

Next Chapter: Will Master Inika find a new GS, or will he have to bring the other guy back for a second episode? What kind of zany questions will Tahu receive? Will the next chapter be published before 2015? Find out next time on Ask Tahu!

“The 1st Shadow!” Master Inika cried. “I knew it was on the tip of my tongue!”

Edited by Master Inika
  • Upvote 1

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

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  • 1 month later...

December 31, 2014

“Three… two… one… zero!”

Master Inika and the 1st Shadow fist-bumped and chugged the last bit of Kanoka-Kola in their cans.

“2015, baby!” Master Inika shouted. “BIONICLE’s back; life is good!”

The 1st Shadow leaned back and asked, “So, any New Year’s Resolutions?”

“Me? Resolutions?” Master Inika scoffed as he took another can of Kanoka-Kola. “How could I possibly make myself any better?”

The 1st Shadow declined another can. “Well, I think I might try to be nicer to people. It might make life easier, you know?”

Master Inika looked up right before opening the can, a philosopher’s sparkle in his eye. “You’re right, Shadow. In fact, here’s my resolution: A new chapter of Ask Tahu! every single week! I’m going to take this Kane-Ra by the horns!” Master Inika looked at the can he gripped and threw it on the floor in disgust. “And no more Kanoka-Kola!”

January 25, 2015

The two Vahki shoved Master Inika back inside his house before anxiously slamming the door and flying off. The Ko-Matoran turned to his door and threw the yellow fine at the door. It weakly fluttered down to his feet.

“Drunklick pubness my mask!” he slurred at his door. “If you’ve got something to say to me, you say it to my face!”

The Ko-Matoran, mumbling angrily to himself, trudged through the piles of soda bottles on his floor to his computer. He was about to open MNOG and drunkenly slam on the keyboard until something happened, when he suddenly stopped and his eyes widened. He turned around and glared angrily at his coat hanger.

“You can keep your opinion to yourself, Dad!” he squawked. He angrily turned back to his monitor, but then back at the coat hanger, seething with rage. “Fine! I’ll show you,” he said as he opened up a word processor. He looked over his shoulder and muttered, “I bet that guy’s son turned out to be a total loser.”

Episode 5: New Year’s Resolution

Tahu hid his face in his hands as Vezon droned on about how BIONICLE is an allegory for Murphy’s Law, while Master Inika tried in vain to get a Vahki squad in. Moments earlier, Vezon had interrupted his show. Master Inika’s intern tried to get him to leave, only to end up in some alternate universe. Now, Vezon’s presence threatened to lead the show to ruin, like the BIONICLE serials!

A Matoran nobody noticed before rose from the audience. The red Matoran made his way to the stage, glaring behind his Pakari. Vezon took no immediate notice.

“Hey, nice analysis of a toy line for 12-year-olds,” the Ta-Matoran said sarcastically.

Vezon looked at him, offended. “Well, if that’s how you really feel, I’ll just go find someone who welcomes my insight, like the 1st Shadow! If anyone needs me, I’ll be with him in the Dimension of Pain and Suffering.”

Vezon disappeared through another portal. Master Inika took the stage, taking the newcomer’s hand and shaking it vigorously.

“Thanks very much, Kapura!” Master Inika praised. “I guess he moved great distances a short distance, or something, right?”

“You’re welcome, but my name is Dallior, actually,” he corrected.

“Well, Dallior, how’d you like a paying job?” he asked, producing a contract and pen. Gali rolled her eyes in the back.

Dallior smiled and signed, then asked, “So now that we know where the other guy is, what should we do?”

Master Inika looked to the corner, deep in thought. “What was that universe called again? The Dimension of Something and Something, right? Sounds nice. He’ll be fine.”

Soon, the studio was ready for the show to proceed. Dallior sat behind the laptop and gave a thumbs-up to Master Inika in the sound booth.

 

Tahu, we must hurry to find the Golden Mask of Fire, or else the Skull Spiders will rule Okoto forever!

 
Tahu sighed and said, “Why do I keep getting that guy’s mail? Delete it!”

Dallior looked at Master Inika. He said into his microphone, “Delete it, I guess.”

The Ta-Matoran complied and opened up the next one.
 

So, now that the 2015 sets have arrived, have you changed your opinion of them at all?

 
“Change my opinion?” Tahu spat with disgust. “You can’t change an opinion once you’ve decided it! That’s why it’s an opinion.”

The Toa nodded in agreement, even Kopaka, who glared unapprovingly at the monitor behind him as the new Kopaka totally didn’t slip.

Tahu stood up and flexed his shoulders and hands (his elbows didn’t bend). He cleared his throat and continued, “Don’t fall for all this ‘new gearbox and dual-action weapons’ bread-and-circuses. I mean, my 2002 form had both of those things! Sure, the gearbox wasn’t exactly new, per se, but it was the same as my 2001 gearbox, which was new then!”

“That was 14 years ago!” an audience member shouted.

“I know! It’s classic!” Tahu shot back. “Look, I’m not saying the new build is terrible. It just won’t touch people the way we did.”

“I’m sick of hearing you talk about how ‘classic’ you are, Tahu!” a new voice said from the very back. A squad figure stood up and walked to the stage. He was clad in red and black armor, carrying a small flamethrower, and clutching a disk. “I’m Torch, and I’m a real classic! See this bendy-arm-thrower? It can be a left or right arm!”

“Um, who let him in?” Tahu mouthed to Master Inika. The writer shrugged, continually pressing a red button that should have notified the Vahki.

“You wouldn’t have any of your fancy disk launchers and Kanohi masks without our contributions!” the Fire Throwbot continued. “Back in my day, we didn’t have gimmicky bending necks or relatable faces. And the kids were happy!”

Dallior finally spoke up from the back: “Oh, yes, bending necks is nothing but a gimmick.” He then addressed the audience. “Is anyone buying this?” Everybody started booing Torch. When they started throwing things, the Throwbot quickly made his way out of the building.

“Well, good thing that’s over,” Tahu said, sitting back down. “Where was I? Oh yeah! The other Toa and I were the real, classic heroes. These newbies don’t hold a torch to us!”

“Excuse the pun,” Dallior said.

Next Chapter: Will it be published before 2016? Will Master Inika work on his Kanoka-Kola problem? Will there be a new GS, or will Dallior stay for another episode? Find out next time on Ask Tahu!

Edited by Master Inika

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

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  • 3 weeks later...

Episode 6: Love is in the Air (like Greenhouse Gases)

 

Master Inika took the stage and cleared his throat.

“Good evening everybody. I apologize for any errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation in this episode, but I had to rush to get it posted before Valentine’s Day was over. I would have liked to write it earlier and have time to proofread, but you see, I’ve been busy all day having dates will all kinds of beautiful Ga-Matoran and Vortixx, and they simply wouldn’t let me be for even a moment.”

Axonn stood up from the balcony, his Mask of Truth glowing brilliantly. “Hey, wait a minute!”

Master Inika gulped and continued, at a quicker pace now: “I had to beat them back with a Kolhii Stick, really. Like I do every Valentine’s Day, heh.” Then, he took a breath. “You know what? You all know the punchline. I’m lonely and a procrastinator. So, yeah, sorry if there are a couple errors in this one.”

----

The Toa, Master Inika, and Dallior all took their regular positions as Matoran filled the seats.

“Good evening to all and welcome to Ask Tahu!” the Toa of Fire shouted. “Let’s start with the first question!”
 

Hey Tahu, did you know that the eyeholes on the Hau and Hau Nuva DIRECTLY LINE UP?


Tahu huffed and looked down. “No, I wouldn’t, since I got devolved back into a Toa Mata!”

“Dallior,” Master Inika whispered to the assistant. “All the masks’ eyeholes line up. They’re made for the same head mold.”

Master Inika clicked back to his inbox, but there weren’t any questions.

“Well, looks like we’re ending this chapter a little early!” he announced. The Matoran all cheered in exuberance as they darted out the doors.

As the dust settled, Master Inika began packing up when he noticed Tahu still standing around, looking rather sad.

“Anything wrong, bud?” Master Inika asked, throwing his satchel over his shoulder.

Tahu sighed. “No, it isn’t important.”

“’Kay. Bye.”

The Ko-Matoran turned and began walking away. Then, he stopped and turned around.

“Fine, what’s going on?”

Tahu looked up, and for the first time, Master Inika saw real sorrow in his eyes. “It’s about Gali. I mean, it’s Valentine’s Day, and I haven’t thought of anything to do or get for her!”

Master Inika put a hand under his chin. “Difficult problem indeed. Luckily, I’m quite a ladies’ Matoran, so I’ll gladly let you in on the tips to get that girl.”

Tahu rolled his eyes. “You made this joke in the intro.”

“Well, who else could you ask?” the writer countered defensively.

Tahu looked around, noticing only one other figure headed toward the other exit. He turned and shouted, “Dallior! Hey!”

The two red figures walked off, leaving Master Inika.

“Well fine then!” he shouted to them. “I’ll just go watch anime and cry silently by myself! It’ll be great!”

----

In her apartment, Gali was just getting ready to go sleep when she saw a light coming from outside the balcony of her apartment. Tired, she stepped out and realized what it was.

The orchard outside the complex was engulfed by an uncontrollable wildfire, and it was spreading quicker by the minute. She looked down and saw Tahu holding his sword in a familiar stance. Thank the Spirit!

“Tahu!” she shouted down. “Good thing you’re here! Can you get rid of this fire?”

Tahu looked up, cursing himself for not being quieter. “Um, yeah!” he shouted, and went from trying to control the fire enough to write “Happy Valentine’s Day” in burnt shrubbery and actually stopping the wildfire.

He was eventually able to contain it all after only the very edge of the apartment building caught flame. Gali ran down, shaking.

“Could you believe some kind of vandal would try to do this?” she cried.

“Um, right…” Tahu answered. “A vandal…”

----

Master Inika and Dallior each tried to retrieve chips from the bowl without looking away from the latest episode of Kawaii Dojikko Genki Mahou Bishoujo Nihon (Cute Clumsy Girl Energetic Magical Pretty Girl Japan) when there was a knock on the girl.

“I’ll – Daisuke, Yui-chan! – get it…” Master Inika exhaled as he made his way to the door without turning his gaze from the show. He opened it without looking. “Yeah?” he said.

“It’s me.” The voice was Tahu’s.

“Kanoka-Kola’s in the fridge,” the writer said as he retook his seat. And that was how they spent Valentine’s Day.

Edited by Master Inika

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

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  • 3 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Ask Tahu: The Movie

 

Part I: Family Reunion

 

Master Inika had everything poised for a new episode of Ask Tahu! The fan response to his announcement of canceling the show had inspired him to make one more chapter, to go out in a blaze of glory. Plus, it reminded him why he wrote comedies in the first place: praise and fame.

“Hi everyone, and welcome to the latest chapter of Ask Tahu! Be sure to stick around after the show to get a special treat: the unreleased original pilot of Ask Tahu! from 2007!” he shouted from his sound booth. “All right, everybody ready?”

“Not yet!” everybody shouted from down below. Matoran were still taking their seats, the Internet was down, Lewa had been taken over by a Skull Spider and already killed Pohatu, and Tahu was nowhere to be found.

“Great!” the writer said, starting the feed. The ceiling caved in as Tahu crashed down, almost knocking his Kanohi off.

“Welcome, and hello to Ask Tahu!” he slurred. “Let’s do this!”

Master Inika pulled up the first question, happy to be back.
 

Tahu, Master of Fire, we need you! The Skull Spiders are taking over the island of Okoto, and only you have the power to retrieve the Mask of Fire and stop them!


“For the last time, I am not the Master of Fire! I am the Toa of Fire, who fights for Ta-Koro on the island of Mata Nui, for Vakama and Takua and Jaller!” Tahu raged. “You span-fangled new sets just don’t compare! You’ll be a dated hack by next year, while I’ll still be a classic!”

Master Inika smiled as Tahu ranted before pulling up the next question.
 

Hey son. I know we’ve haven’t spoken in a while, but I had a bit of a reawakening, I guess. I’m not sure how to describe it. What I’m trying to say is, I’m in town on other business, so I’d like to see you and what you’re doing.


All eyes looked to Master Inika in the sound booth, who just stared into space, speechless, before collapsing to the floor.

Master Inika returned to consciousness in a transport. He looked to his side and saw Toa Tahu driving.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“Storyline & Theories,” the Toa of Fire replied. “That’s where the message came from.”

“But Tahu, I don’t want to see my dad!” the Ko-Matoran protested. He tried to sit up, only to find himself strapped down with chains. “Kidnap! Let me go!” he shouted.

“Not until you tell me what happened between you and him,” Tahu said firmly. “You always make vague allusions that you have a bad relationship with him, but they don’t seem to go anywhere. I want the backstory.”

“Backstory?” Master Inika said uneasily. “Okay, um, let me think for a minute… Okay, here’s your backstory: I have a brother, Shadow Inika. He’s like me, only evil.”

Tahu gave him a skeptical look. “Did you make that up just now?” he asked.

“No!” Master Inika snapped. Then, under his breath, he added, “It was from a comedy I wrote a long time ago. Anyway, my dad always liked Shadow Inika more. He always called me ‘disappointment’ and ‘cool dude,’ which you know meant ‘idiot’ back with the censors back then.”

Master Inika looked and Tahu watching the road, probably unsure of what to say. “That’s a pretty sad backstory,” the Toa of Fire finally said. “Sorry to hear it.”

Finally, they pulled up on the diner Master Inika’s dad was supposed to be. The two walked in, but were surprised to find it deserted, except for a figure standing in the shadows.

“Dad?” Master Inika asked.

“Not quite,” a voice similar to Master Inika’s own replied. Two bursts of energy came from the shadowy figure, one hitting Tahu and sending him through the window, and the second hitting Master Inika and surrounding him with bands of energy.

“Shadow Inika!” Master Inika cried in horrified recognition. “What are you doing here?”

“You still don’t get it, do you?” he asked. “I sent that message. Do you think Dad really wanted to see you? It was me. I want something you have.”

“What is it?” the Ko-Matoran asked.

“The unreleased original pilot of Ask Tahu!” he replied coolly. “I’m going to post it as my own, and you’ll be disgraced for plagiarizing the idea from me!”

“You’d have your own brother put in jail for something you did?” Tahu asked with contempt.

“No, jail is too good for him,” Shadow Inika said, raising a Zamor launcher. “I’m going to make sure he dies along with the truth.”

“Tahu! Run!” Master Inika shouted, struggling to free himself. “It’s too late for me!”

“No…” the Toa of Fire said. His voice was unsure, but gained steadiness as he continued: “No, it is not too late… for I am the Master of Fire!”

A lava wave surged through the diner. Tahu, riding his lava surfboard, grabbed Master Inika and carried him to safety as Shadow Inika slipped into the darkness. The two hadn’t made it very far, though, before a hit from a Vahki stun staff knocked the two down onto the floor. The last thing Master Inika heard before blacking out was his brother shouting, “There he is! That’s the plagiarist!”

He woke up in a dusty jail cell. Luckily, it seemed Shadow Inika missed his opportunity to kill him. He sat up and saw his two cellmates, and realized Shadow Inika must have had everyone associated him with arrested, as sitting not far from him were Dallior and the 1st Shadow.

“So you’re awake,” the 1st Shadow said.

“Where’s Tahu?” Master Inika asked.

“No idea,” Dallior replied. “Divide and conquer, I guess.”

“No. This can’t be the end,” Master Inika said.

“Give it up,” the 1st Shadow said, falling back on the floor. “This is our new home. Shadow Inika’s taken your work. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

Master Inika looked out the cell window. Somewhere out there was Shadow Inika. He’d find him and make him pay. Somehow.

Next Chapter: Will Master Inika reclaim his legacy, or will Shadow Inika reign forever? Where is Tahu? Will Master Inika ever make amends with his father? Find out on Ask Tahu! The Movie Part II: Father’s Day, coming out tomorrow (I promise)!

Edited by Master Inika

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

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IT RETURNS!!!!!!

 

May I be the first to officially welcome Ask Tahu! back to its rightful place in the comedy forums (and to a lesser extent Master Inika to the prison cell we now share)!

"Remember when the comics forum had a lot of good stuff? Let's make that a thing again." -Kazi the Matoran

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Ask Tahu! The Movie

Part II: Father’s Day


“All right,” Master Inika said, leaning close to his two friends, “here’s the plan: Dallior, you see the guard standing at the end of the hallway? You pretend to be injured on the other side of the jail cell. He’ll be forced to come in and investigate, at which point the 1st Shadow will hit him on the back of the head with this crowbar. To get us safely out, I will don his uniform and escort you two out as prisoners still in custody. They should realize pretty soon what’s going on, though, so —”

“Oh, hey, the cell isn’t locked,” the 1st Shadow said, effortlessly pushing the door open.

Master Inika stared, disappointed. “Oh. That works, too.”

“We still have the guard to worry about,” Dallior pointed out.

Master Inika looked out, and then quickly pulled his head back, closing the door. “More guards. They’re talking to the one already here.”

“What were they saying?” the 1st Shadow asked.

Master Inika cupped his ear and listened. “Even more are on their way. We need to break out now.”

The three ran out, Master Inika wielding the crowbar and the 1st Shadow wielding Dallior.

“Not in the face!” Dallior cried as he was carried into battle.

The three fought boldly, but unfortunately a crowbar and Dallior were no match for Vahki stun staffs. The original guard wasn’t a Vahki, though Master Inika had assumed he was a robot. He was confused as the original guard raised his own weapon and fired – on the Vahki! Then, the stranger removed his robotic-looking helmet.

“Dad?” Master Inika asked in disbelief.

“That’s right,” he said. Dallior and the 1st Shadow stepped back to allow them to talk, amazed that Master Inika could cry.

“What are you doing? I thought Shadow Inika was your favorite,” the writer asked.

“I chose wrong,” Master Inika’s dad said ruefully. “I see now how awesome you are. Go, my son, and defeat your evil brother. Succeed where I have failed.”

“I will,” Master Inika promised.

“Master Inika,” he said. “You’re one cool dude. I mean — well, you know what I mean, right?”

“Right, Dad,” Master Inika said, smiling.

“I’m proud of you, boy,” he said. “Real pro—”

A Vahki staff blast stopped Master Inika’s dad from finished. He collapsed to the ground, unable to speak or focus. Master Inika held him as he died.

A laugh, both mechanical and alive, came from the damaged Vahki who fired the blast. The words it spoke were from no Vahki, however. “How sweet, brother! Go ahead, just try and stop me!”

Master Inika beat the Vahki with his crowbar until it stopped moving or making noise.

“Come on,” he said. “We’ve got to get back to the studio.”

“But how will we get there?” the 1st Shadow asked.

“I could…” Dallior began. “I could… I could build a car!”

In only four seconds, Dallior built the quickest custom creation in LEGO history. He almost just literally threw the parts together. Master Inika inspected his finished work.

“This… looks awful,” he said. “You can’t build a real MOC in four seconds; let’s take some actual time and make something functional.” He flicked the wheel and the entire thing collapsed. The three spent the next hour building a better car, and drove it to the studio with Master Inika’s “shortcut.”

The car crashed into the studio, where Shadow Inika was making the final preparations to release the Ask Tahu! pilot.

“Stop right there!” Master Inika shouted.

“Impressive,” Shadow Inika admitted. “But you’re still too late.”

From six entrances, the Masters of Okoto broke in with their dual-action weaponry.

“This new lavaboard isn’t half bad,” Tahu said to himself as it broke back into his swords. “Now, brothers and sister, together!”

Shadow Inika had nowhere to run as six elemental blasts surrounded him, encasing him slowly in protodermis.

“Wait,” Dallior whispered to Master Inika, “do they have protodermis on Okoto?”

“Quiet!” Master Inika replied in a harsh whisper.

Finally, all that remained of the great fiend was a protodermis statue square in the center of the room.

“I like it. Really ties the room together,” Master Inika said, looking the statue in the eyes with confidence. “Now who’s really for the unreleased original pilot?”

Dallior, the 1st Shadow, and the six Toa got to their seats as Master Inika entered his sound booth and played the clip:

ASK TAHU EPISODE 1 [intended release date: October 7, 2007; actual release date: June 21, 2015]
TAHU: hello and welcome to ask tahu where you ask and I answer!
KOPAKA: tahu you stupid cool dude! Who would want to ask you questions? This should be ask Kopaka!
POHATU: pie!
TAHU and KOPAKA: shut up!
LEWA: lol Pohatu always speaksays pie. Isn’t the funny?
TAHU: first question!
Dear tahu, which do you prefer, bulaberry pie or madu fruit cake? From jallar
TAHU: hmm that’s a really hard one. Bulaberry gives me gas so –
ONUA: so madu fruit cake is out favorite!
Dear tahu, do you have a crush on anybody??? From takua
OTHER TOA: OOOH! I bet he does!
TAHU: Fine… I love Gali.
GALI: ew! I don’t love you tahu! do you know who I love?
TAHU: who, Kopaka?
KOPAKA: yes!
GALI: no! I love mastr Inika! He’s way more handsome and awesome than any of you!
MI: it’s true!
TAHU: well ill fight you for her honor!
*tahu comes at master Inika with his fire sword but mastr Inika pulls out an ice sword and blocks it, and then pulls out a Zamor launcher and hits tahu with it*
TAHU: whats going on?
MI: hahaha! You’re now under my control! Now lick the floor!
*tahu licks the floor*
TAHU: make it stop!
MI: can I date gali?
TAHU: never!
GALI: always my love!
POHATU: pie!
EVERYONE ELSE: shut up! It is pretty funny though.
Dear tahu, which is your favorite element? From random tamatoran 594903
TAHU: fire of corse! Because I’m the toa of fire? My least favorite is ice!
KOPAKA AND MI: hey! Say that again!
TAHU: okaythen I will! Ice is the worst element of all!
*Kopaka and mi beat tahu up*
TAHU: owww… okay maybe air is the worsyt.
LEWA: that’s not nicefair…
TAHU: well were out of questions for today, so is this the end?
MI: wait we’re not 300 words yet! We need some more!
POHATU: pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie PIE!
EVERYONE: yay! Pie is so fun and now it got our comedy long enough so we won’t have to FACE THE SPARTANS!
*meanwhile in the real world*
MI’S DAD: master Inika did you do your homework!
MI: I’m busy writing stuff gosh! What are you, the homework nazi?
*back in master inikas studio*
MI: another great episode! But it looks like we have one more surprise question!
Dear tahu, where do you see yourself in one year? From greg farshey
TAHU: home on metru nui chilling and going on a date with gali!
MI: weird… I felt odd writing that somehow. Oh well its probly nothing.
NEXT TIME ON ASK TAHU: TAHU ANSWERS MORE QUESTIONS AND POHATU SAYS PIE MORE! SEE YOU ALL THEN! *plz give comments and constructive critisism*

Edited by Master Inika

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

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