The Corrupt-A-Wish Game!

[Zasshu]

Granted.  He starts making TV shows instead.

I wish that the world wouldn't roll me.

[ToaTurna]

Granted, your mouth gets smashed instead.

 

I wish for some quality sledgehammers.

[Vakama-san]

Granted, but they're only of good quality for their first use. After that, they deteriorate faster than you can say Smash Mouth.

 

I wish the All Star meme wasn't so worn out

[Zasshu]

Granted.  It's still as fresh as it was years ago.  Unfortunately.

I wish for some spaghetti so that I could forgetti my regretti.

[ToaTImeLord]

Granted you are now plankton in robot Krabs suit.

 

I wish for my secrets to be forever safe.

[Zasshu]

Granted, they're safe from you, too.

I wish for a weeaboo girlfriend.

[ToaTurna]

Granted, your girlfriend is Weeaboo Jones.

 

I wish to be told a secret.

[ToaTImeLord]

Granted it's one of your own.

 

I wish for sanity.

[Zasshu]

Granted. You have sanity, but at the cost of your speech.

I wish my beard would grow out enough before Halloween.

[ToaTurna]

Granted, you get mistaken for a homeless man however because it grows wayyyy too long.

 

I wish for some cash.

[Zasshu]

Granted.  Have the remains of Johnny Cash.

I wish I were taller.

[Vakama-san]

Granted. Your skull is now two feet tall.

 

I wish the anime Despera would finally start production

[Kopakas Kool Kompanion]

Granted. The production begins. The airing does not.

 

I wish for Super Mario Odyssey.

[Zasshu]

Granted, but it sucks.

I wish for a superpower.

[ToaTurna]

Granted, anything you touch with your hands turns into uranium.

 

I wish I was able to name my Patreon tiers easily.

[Zasshu]

Granted.  You name them Mayonnaise, Mustard, and Ketchup.

I wish my dad actually respected me.

[Vakama-san]

Granted, he respects a man named "Me".

 

I wish I had a working motorbike

[ToaTImeLord]

Granted it's in China.

 

I wish for one of every type of Bionicle Mask.

[Kopakas Kool Kompanion]

Granted. You also have the terrible luck that any mask you touch breaks in half. Every time you attempt to replace on of your new masks, it breaks. Survive now with your CURSE.

 

I wish the Penguins hadn't lost so horribly tonight.

[Zasshu]

Granted. The Penguins lost only terribly.

I wish I could paint with watercolor.

[ToaTImeLord]

Granted but all your paintings are of one color blue.

You make no money off of them.

 

I wish people would join my Mafia game Simple Vacation.

[Kopakas Kool Kompanion]

Granted. Except someone misread your request and joined the actual mafia. He is now hunting you down.

 

I wish I had some sort of aspiration to wish for.

[ToaTurna]

Granted, enjoy your love of gum stuck to shoes.

 

I wish the world could get a grip on things.

[Kopakas Kool Kompanion]

granted. The planet sprouts two gigantic arms. Unfortunately, this causes terrible tremors and a nasty shift in its rotation and such. This causes the apocalypse, where every living thing on the planet immediately dies. I don't want to go into too much detail.

 

I wish I could get a grip on life.

[Zasshu]

Granted.  You are able to grip the Life Stick, which is just a plain old stick.

I wish typing while wearing gloves wasn't such a pain.

[ToaTImeLord]

Granted it also makes you loss your hair.

(why are you typing in gloves?)

 

I wish people would answer my PM's.

[Zasshu]

Granted. People answer with inappropriate remarks.

I wish my hat wasn't wet.

[ToaTImeLord]

Granted it's on fire!

 

I wish for a Vahi.

[Zasshu]

Granted, but it's only a model.

I wish for the girl I like to hold my hand.

[Kopakas Kool Kompanion]

Granted. She grasps your cold, lifeless hand, as your last breath slips from your lips. "I... love... you..." you mange to slip out. The last thing you hear before you die is her, saying "I don't."

 

I wish that wasn't as grim as it really was, it was meant to be humorous!

[ToaTImeLord]

Granted you think its funny but Lan's wife just died so he's upset.

 

 

I wish I made better choices in BZPMN game.

[Zasshu]

Granted.  You make such good strategic choices that everyone tries to kill you out of jealousy.

I wish I wasn't a crippling introvert.

[Kopakas Kool Kompanion]

Granted. You're now a crippling extrovert: You go into public with a very bright smile on your face as you break everyone's kneecaps, crippling them. And then you're taken down by armed forces. You ded.

 

I wish I would stop killing everyone.

[Zasshu]

Granted. You stop killing people, but you start killing animals.

I wish for some thick, wooly socks.

[ToaTImeLord]

Granted they are filled with butter.

 

 

I wish for good grammar skills.

[Zasshu]

Granted, but at the cost of your math skills.

I wish for a wad of cash.

[ToaTImeLord]

Granted here is a head of cabbage.

 

 

I wish for a cabbage.

[Zasshu]

Granted. Cabbage the Super Saiyan is here to kill you.

I wish I could breathe through my skin like a frog.

[Kopakas Kool Kompanion]

Granted. You don't have lungs anymore though. Compromises have to be made, sorry.

 

I wish for a cart full of cabbages.

[Zasshu]

Granted, but they're the poorly-drawn circle cabbages from that one anime.

I wish for a hug.