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Biological Chronicle: The Complete Bionicle Collection

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#121 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Nov 09 2017 - 12:12 PM

This is amazing and very convenient. I've downloaded them all and hope to start reading them soon. It's been a while since I've really read much Bionicle-related stuff, and this will be an easy way to get back into it.


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#122 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Nov 09 2017 - 03:34 PM

For transitioning between the past and present, what do you think of just putting "Now" whenever there's a transition to the present, and "1,000 years ago..." whenever there's a transition to the past? It's not exactly eloquent, but it's how I've established the time setting of pretty much everything else in the compilation.

Seems fine to me. I don't know if the "1000 years ago" is something we're supposed to know specifically at that point in the story, but I can't remember anything that would make it a problem.

Looking back at it, it seems like the references to the Whenua, Onewa, and Nuju waking up in their cell also doesn't fit what happened in the comics, so that needs to be dealt with as well. Which do you think is the better way of fixing those issues: 1) removing/editing all lines referring to them waking up and not having their tools, or 2) add a few words at the beginning of the book chapter where they wake up in their cell, suggesting that they tried to escape again (e.g. "After another attempt at escaping,")?

Agreeing with what you've said before, I would edit the original text as little as possible. I find the waking up in the cell thing less problematic than the tools thing, because they could've easily just spent a night in the cell they were trapped in and then wake up. The important thing there would be to make sure that the Toa don't show surprise at waking up there. You could also replace awakening with a different expression, like "captured in a cell", or "had found themselves in a cell", or something like that. The most minimalistic change I can think of would be to make the mention of "a cell" to "the cell", indicating that the cell is familiar.

Edited by Toatapio Nuva, Nov 09 2017 - 03:36 PM.

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#123 Offline Surel-Nuva

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Posted Nov 09 2017 - 06:31 PM

 

Page 16: “lab worker was doing his best” – This is Ga-Metru, so it probably should be “her” instead of “his”. “His” is used in the original text, and I think it’s just a mistake. It is possible that the lab worker is actually from another metru though, and there’s nothing contradicting that as such, so it’s possible also not to change it. Whatever you decide.

 

That's why it could be better to use the MNOG2 Matoran names from the Promo CDs.The Toa Metru Nokama Promo CD clearly states that the "instructor" is Amaya, who helps Nokama, the lab worker is Nireta (has a very similar text in the CD, exactly, the book version is just more detailed,  but the CDs had some limitations), and the Ga-Matoran who told Nokama about Vhisola's whereabouts is Marka. 

 

Another example: according to Nuju's CD, Talvi is the Ko-Matoran/chute station attendant/ who told Nuju which chute did Ehrye take, and Jaa was the scholar who was upset by Ehrye.

 

 

And I just noticed a little contradiction in the Book 2 while reading it:

Page 21: In the Wall of History entry, Onewa told Takua that Pohatu, Kopaka, Gali and Onua trying to trap the main Tahnok swarm. (which happens in the "To Trap a Tahnok comic)

Page: 24: Kopaka is on his way to check his other fellow Toa, after they trapped the Tehnok in the canyon (this takes place after the comics, mentioned above), according to his narration.

Page 27: Pohatu helps Hafu in the WoH entry, which takes place after the To Trap a Tahnok comic

Contradiction:

Actually, you put the "To Trap a Tahnok" comic's first page on the page 28, which indicates that the comic follows the events, mentioned above, which is impossible.

The Correct order should be:

1st: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray

Hafu hailed as hero 

2nd: To Trap a Tahnok comic

3rd: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray

Hafu hailed as hero
4th: Kopaka goes to check his other fellow Toa
 
There are another WoH chapter between them, but it could be where it is now. Only these events must be re-ordered to prevent the contradiction.

Edited by Surel-Nuva, Nov 09 2017 - 07:18 PM.

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#124 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Nov 10 2017 - 09:16 AM

For transitioning between the past and present, what do you think of just putting "Now" whenever there's a transition to the present, and "1,000 years ago..." whenever there's a transition to the past? It's not exactly eloquent, but it's how I've established the time setting of pretty much everything else in the compilation.

Seems fine to me. I don't know if the "1000 years ago" is something we're supposed to know specifically at that point in the story, but I can't remember anything that would make it a problem.

Looking back at it, it seems like the references to the Whenua, Onewa, and Nuju waking up in their cell also doesn't fit what happened in the comics, so that needs to be dealt with as well. Which do you think is the better way of fixing those issues: 1) removing/editing all lines referring to them waking up and not having their tools, or 2) add a few words at the beginning of the book chapter where they wake up in their cell, suggesting that they tried to escape again (e.g. "After another attempt at escaping,")?

Agreeing with what you've said before, I would edit the original text as little as possible. I find the waking up in the cell thing less problematic than the tools thing, because they could've easily just spent a night in the cell they were trapped in and then wake up. The important thing there would be to make sure that the Toa don't show surprise at waking up there. You could also replace awakening with a different expression, like "captured in a cell", or "had found themselves in a cell", or something like that. The most minimalistic change I can think of would be to make the mention of "a cell" to "the cell", indicating that the cell is familiar.

Hm. I like your suggestion of changing it to "the cell" (or maybe "their cell"). Actually, if the idea is that they fell asleep in the cell, could their weapons have just been taken while they slept? I could just change "Their Toa tools were missing" to "Their Toa tools were now missing." Thoughts?
 

Page 16: “lab worker was doing his best” – This is Ga-Metru, so it probably should be “her” instead of “his”. “His” is used in the original text, and I think it’s just a mistake. It is possible that the lab worker is actually from another metru though, and there’s nothing contradicting that as such, so it’s possible also not to change it. Whatever you decide.

 
That's why it could be better to use the MNOG2 Matoran names from the Promo CDs.The Toa Metru Nokama Promo CD clearly states that the "instructor" is Amaya, who helps Nokama, the lab worker is Nireta (has a very similar text in the CD, exactly, the book version is just more detailed,  but the CDs had some limitations), and the Ga-Matoran who told Nokama about Vhisola's whereabouts is Marka. 
 
Another example: according to Nuju's CD, Talvi is the Ko-Matoran/chute station attendant/ who told Nuju which chute did Ehrye take, and Jaa was the scholar who was upset by Ehrye.

Fair points about the names. My main concern with them, though, is that adding all those names will overwhelm the reader with names. For a new reader, Bionicle names may not exactly be easy to keep track of, and the books were written to mostly only present names the reader should remember.

And I just noticed a little contradiction in the Book 2 while reading it:
Page 21: In the Wall of History entry, Onewa told Takua that Pohatu, Kopaka, Gali and Onua trying to trap the main Tahnok swarm. (which happens in the "To Trap a Tahnok comic)
Page: 24: Kopaka is on his way to check his other fellow Toa, after they trapped the Tehnok in the canyon (this takes place after the comics, mentioned above), according to his narration.
Page 27: Pohatu helps Hafu in the WoH entry, which takes place after the To Trap a Tahnok comic
Contradiction:
Actually, you put the "To Trap a Tahnok" comic's first page on the page 28, which indicates that the comic follows the events, mentioned above, which is impossible.
The Correct order should be:
1st: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray
Hafu hailed as hero 
2nd: To Trap a Tahnok comic
3rd: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray
Hafu hailed as hero
4th: Kopaka goes to check his other fellow Toa
 
There are another WoH chapter between them, but it could be where it is now. Only these events must be re-ordered to prevent the contradiction.

So, first of all, it's important to note that in the comic, Kopaka freezing the tunnel already happened - Kopaka is long gone when the comic actually occurs. This allows time for time for him to have found that Bohrok nest. I agree it might work slightly better if his chapter came after the comic, but that would create difficulties with the comic scene where he comes to Tahu with information about the nest: There's not an easy way to extract this scene from the rest of the comic, since it has transitions that lead into and out of the other events in the comic.

Second, everything with the attack on Po-Koro pretty much lines up with BS01's timeline. There were just multiple waves of Tahnok that attacked Po-Koro: the swarm that's stopped in the comic isn't the exact same Bohrok that were fought in the Wall of History entries.

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#125 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Nov 10 2017 - 09:44 AM

 

Hm. I like your suggestion of changing it to "the cell" (or maybe "their cell"). Actually, if the idea is that they fell asleep in the cell, could their weapons have just been taken while they slept? I could just change "Their Toa tools were missing" to "Their Toa tools were now missing." Thoughts?

 

Hmm, it could work. It would allow for less editing than my original suggestion, which is definitely a good thing. It might contradict the later revelation that no one was actually guarding their cell, although maybe that was just because of the troller being there?

 

 

Fair points about the names. My main concern with them, though, is that adding all those names will overwhelm the reader with names. For a new reader, Bionicle names may not exactly be easy to keep track of, and the books were written to mostly only present names the reader should remember.

 

This is one of the reasons I also disagree with adding the names into the text. The story already has an overload of names and terms to digest, and the names of the Matoran don't carry any added value.

 

With regards to the order of chapters in the 2002 story, I found it to already flow quite nicely when I was reading it.


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#126 Offline Surel-Nuva

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Posted Nov 11 2017 - 07:24 PM

 

 

For transitioning between the past and present, what do you think of just putting "Now" whenever there's a transition to the present, and "1,000 years ago..." whenever there's a transition to the past? It's not exactly eloquent, but it's how I've established the time setting of pretty much everything else in the compilation.

Seems fine to me. I don't know if the "1000 years ago" is something we're supposed to know specifically at that point in the story, but I can't remember anything that would make it a problem.

Looking back at it, it seems like the references to the Whenua, Onewa, and Nuju waking up in their cell also doesn't fit what happened in the comics, so that needs to be dealt with as well. Which do you think is the better way of fixing those issues: 1) removing/editing all lines referring to them waking up and not having their tools, or 2) add a few words at the beginning of the book chapter where they wake up in their cell, suggesting that they tried to escape again (e.g. "After another attempt at escaping,")?

Agreeing with what you've said before, I would edit the original text as little as possible. I find the waking up in the cell thing less problematic than the tools thing, because they could've easily just spent a night in the cell they were trapped in and then wake up. The important thing there would be to make sure that the Toa don't show surprise at waking up there. You could also replace awakening with a different expression, like "captured in a cell", or "had found themselves in a cell", or something like that. The most minimalistic change I can think of would be to make the mention of "a cell" to "the cell", indicating that the cell is familiar.

 

Hm. I like your suggestion of changing it to "the cell" (or maybe "their cell"). Actually, if the idea is that they fell asleep in the cell, could their weapons have just been taken while they slept? I could just change "Their Toa tools were missing" to "Their Toa tools were now missing." Thoughts?
 

 

Page 16: “lab worker was doing his best” – This is Ga-Metru, so it probably should be “her” instead of “his”. “His” is used in the original text, and I think it’s just a mistake. It is possible that the lab worker is actually from another metru though, and there’s nothing contradicting that as such, so it’s possible also not to change it. Whatever you decide.

 
That's why it could be better to use the MNOG2 Matoran names from the Promo CDs.The Toa Metru Nokama Promo CD clearly states that the "instructor" is Amaya, who helps Nokama, the lab worker is Nireta (has a very similar text in the CD, exactly, the book version is just more detailed,  but the CDs had some limitations), and the Ga-Matoran who told Nokama about Vhisola's whereabouts is Marka. 
 
Another example: according to Nuju's CD, Talvi is the Ko-Matoran/chute station attendant/ who told Nuju which chute did Ehrye take, and Jaa was the scholar who was upset by Ehrye.

 

Fair points about the names. My main concern with them, though, is that adding all those names will overwhelm the reader with names. For a new reader, Bionicle names may not exactly be easy to keep track of, and the books were written to mostly only present names the reader should remember.

And I just noticed a little contradiction in the Book 2 while reading it:
Page 21: In the Wall of History entry, Onewa told Takua that Pohatu, Kopaka, Gali and Onua trying to trap the main Tahnok swarm. (which happens in the "To Trap a Tahnok comic)
Page: 24: Kopaka is on his way to check his other fellow Toa, after they trapped the Tehnok in the canyon (this takes place after the comics, mentioned above), according to his narration.
Page 27: Pohatu helps Hafu in the WoH entry, which takes place after the To Trap a Tahnok comic
Contradiction:
Actually, you put the "To Trap a Tahnok" comic's first page on the page 28, which indicates that the comic follows the events, mentioned above, which is impossible.
The Correct order should be:
1st: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray
Hafu hailed as hero 
2nd: To Trap a Tahnok comic
3rd: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray
Hafu hailed as hero
4th: Kopaka goes to check his other fellow Toa
 
There are another WoH chapter between them, but it could be where it is now. Only these events must be re-ordered to prevent the contradiction.

So, first of all, it's important to note that in the comic, Kopaka freezing the tunnel already happened - Kopaka is long gone when the comic actually occurs. This allows time for time for him to have found that Bohrok nest. I agree it might work slightly better if his chapter came after the comic, but that would create difficulties with the comic scene where he comes to Tahu with information about the nest: There's not an easy way to extract this scene from the rest of the comic, since it has transitions that lead into and out of the other events in the comic.

Second, everything with the attack on Po-Koro pretty much lines up with BS01's timeline. There were just multiple waves of Tahnok that attacked Po-Koro: the swarm that's stopped in the comic isn't the exact same Bohrok that were fought in the Wall of History entries.

 

The BS01's timeline may be incorrect, mainly because it was written how the BOA happened, not how the WoH narration. Turaga Onewa said that in WoH chapter on the Page 21: 

Pohatu, along with Gali and Kopaka, have been defending Po-Wahi against a particularly fierce group of Tahnok

– which is why we had a much smaller swarm to face today. I’m confident that once Pohatu returns, he
will find Hafu and bring him back to us safely.”

Which exactly what happens in the To Trap a Tahnok comic. I check the comic, it could be separated into 2 sections. 

 
The Tahnok Trap events could be placed after each other, so the lone page where Kopaka and Tahu met could be separated from the whole Pohatu/Onua/Gali vs Tahnok in Po-Wahi, and moved after Kopaka's chapter. Only the next page has a "yellow box" on the top which could be removed in some way, so it won't be confusing. And maybe the infected/Krana-controlled Lewa chapters before the comic could be moved after this, because the last panel of it feature that Gali didn't know where's Lewa. Maybe, if the reader didn't see him before this panel, could be thinking about what happened him, instead of knowing that he had already been enslaved by the Bohrok. 
Allthough the WoH chapter on the Page 27 could be moved after the comics without modifing it any way, if Onewa said in the previous chapter that Pohatu, Kopaka, and Gali had been defending Po-Wahi against the main Tahnok swarm (which happens in the To Trap a Tahnok), and the whole comic is placed between the 2 chapters, it's clear that Pohatu finished his task with the other toa (defeated the Tahnok in the canyon) and used his mask of speed to reach Po-Koro in time (which he did the Bohrok Online Animations)

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#127 Offline ArchAngelleofJustice

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Posted Nov 12 2017 - 10:31 PM

In book 8; should Takanuva blog entry 43 not be moved to page 230? It occurs just a little too early, spoiling the surprise of Makuta taking over Mata Nui's body.


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Stories I wrote

 

Parts of a Whole Series: An Alternate Ending

Part 1: Fight for Freedom                        Wisps of Memory

Part 2: Army of One (In Progress)


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#128 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Nov 13 2017 - 01:15 PM

Okay, first of all: Book 4 has now been updated to address all issues listed by Toatapio Nuva! Fixes have been applied across all versions where necessary. EDIT: forgot to mention this when I made this post: the issues with "1" looking like "I" are entirely due to the font, not typos, so they've been left as-is. The only real possible fix for this would be to change every "1" to be in a different (but similar) font.

 

 

 

 

For transitioning between the past and present, what do you think of just putting "Now" whenever there's a transition to the present, and "1,000 years ago..." whenever there's a transition to the past? It's not exactly eloquent, but it's how I've established the time setting of pretty much everything else in the compilation.

Seems fine to me. I don't know if the "1000 years ago" is something we're supposed to know specifically at that point in the story, but I can't remember anything that would make it a problem.

Looking back at it, it seems like the references to the Whenua, Onewa, and Nuju waking up in their cell also doesn't fit what happened in the comics, so that needs to be dealt with as well. Which do you think is the better way of fixing those issues: 1) removing/editing all lines referring to them waking up and not having their tools, or 2) add a few words at the beginning of the book chapter where they wake up in their cell, suggesting that they tried to escape again (e.g. "After another attempt at escaping,")?

Agreeing with what you've said before, I would edit the original text as little as possible. I find the waking up in the cell thing less problematic than the tools thing, because they could've easily just spent a night in the cell they were trapped in and then wake up. The important thing there would be to make sure that the Toa don't show surprise at waking up there. You could also replace awakening with a different expression, like "captured in a cell", or "had found themselves in a cell", or something like that. The most minimalistic change I can think of would be to make the mention of "a cell" to "the cell", indicating that the cell is familiar.

 

Hm. I like your suggestion of changing it to "the cell" (or maybe "their cell"). Actually, if the idea is that they fell asleep in the cell, could their weapons have just been taken while they slept? I could just change "Their Toa tools were missing" to "Their Toa tools were now missing." Thoughts?
 

 

Page 16: “lab worker was doing his best” – This is Ga-Metru, so it probably should be “her” instead of “his”. “His” is used in the original text, and I think it’s just a mistake. It is possible that the lab worker is actually from another metru though, and there’s nothing contradicting that as such, so it’s possible also not to change it. Whatever you decide.

 
That's why it could be better to use the MNOG2 Matoran names from the Promo CDs.The Toa Metru Nokama Promo CD clearly states that the "instructor" is Amaya, who helps Nokama, the lab worker is Nireta (has a very similar text in the CD, exactly, the book version is just more detailed,  but the CDs had some limitations), and the Ga-Matoran who told Nokama about Vhisola's whereabouts is Marka. 
 
Another example: according to Nuju's CD, Talvi is the Ko-Matoran/chute station attendant/ who told Nuju which chute did Ehrye take, and Jaa was the scholar who was upset by Ehrye.

 

Fair points about the names. My main concern with them, though, is that adding all those names will overwhelm the reader with names. For a new reader, Bionicle names may not exactly be easy to keep track of, and the books were written to mostly only present names the reader should remember.

And I just noticed a little contradiction in the Book 2 while reading it:
Page 21: In the Wall of History entry, Onewa told Takua that Pohatu, Kopaka, Gali and Onua trying to trap the main Tahnok swarm. (which happens in the "To Trap a Tahnok comic)
Page: 24: Kopaka is on his way to check his other fellow Toa, after they trapped the Tehnok in the canyon (this takes place after the comics, mentioned above), according to his narration.
Page 27: Pohatu helps Hafu in the WoH entry, which takes place after the To Trap a Tahnok comic
Contradiction:
Actually, you put the "To Trap a Tahnok" comic's first page on the page 28, which indicates that the comic follows the events, mentioned above, which is impossible.
The Correct order should be:
1st: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray
Hafu hailed as hero 
2nd: To Trap a Tahnok comic
3rd: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray
Hafu hailed as hero
4th: Kopaka goes to check his other fellow Toa
 
There are another WoH chapter between them, but it could be where it is now. Only these events must be re-ordered to prevent the contradiction.

So, first of all, it's important to note that in the comic, Kopaka freezing the tunnel already happened - Kopaka is long gone when the comic actually occurs. This allows time for time for him to have found that Bohrok nest. I agree it might work slightly better if his chapter came after the comic, but that would create difficulties with the comic scene where he comes to Tahu with information about the nest: There's not an easy way to extract this scene from the rest of the comic, since it has transitions that lead into and out of the other events in the comic.

Second, everything with the attack on Po-Koro pretty much lines up with BS01's timeline. There were just multiple waves of Tahnok that attacked Po-Koro: the swarm that's stopped in the comic isn't the exact same Bohrok that were fought in the Wall of History entries.

 

The BS01's timeline may be incorrect, mainly because it was written how the BOA happened, not how the WoH narration. Turaga Onewa said that in WoH chapter on the Page 21: 

Pohatu, along with Gali and Kopaka, have been defending Po-Wahi against a particularly fierce group of Tahnok
– which is why we had a much smaller swarm to face today. I’m confident that once Pohatu returns, he
will find Hafu and bring him back to us safely.”

Which exactly what happens in the To Trap a Tahnok comic. I check the comic, it could be separated into 2 sections. 
 
The Tahnok Trap events could be placed after each other, so the lone page where Kopaka and Tahu met could be separated from the whole Pohatu/Onua/Gali vs Tahnok in Po-Wahi, and moved after Kopaka's chapter. Only the next page has a "yellow box" on the top which could be removed in some way, so it won't be confusing. And maybe the infected/Krana-controlled Lewa chapters before the comic could be moved after this, because the last panel of it feature that Gali didn't know where's Lewa. Maybe, if the reader didn't see him before this panel, could be thinking about what happened him, instead of knowing that he had already been enslaved by the Bohrok. 
Allthough the WoH chapter on the Page 27 could be moved after the comics without modifing it any way, if Onewa said in the previous chapter that Pohatu, Kopaka, and Gali had been defending Po-Wahi against the main Tahnok swarm (which happens in the To Trap a Tahnok), and the whole comic is placed between the 2 chapters, it's clear that Pohatu finished his task with the other toa (defeated the Tahnok in the canyon) and used his mask of speed to reach Po-Koro in time (which he did the Bohrok Online Animations)

 

I see what you're getting at with regarding the WoH entries (I didn't get what you were saying about them before, since you seem to have mistakenly listed the name of one of them twice in your suggested ordering). I still feel that the comic is better left as-is, but I will consider moving the second of those WoH entries to after the comic (since that does seem to line up better).

 

In book 8; should Takanuva blog entry 43 not be moved to page 230? It occurs just a little too early, spoiling the surprise of Makuta taking over Mata Nui's body.

I included it there as foreshadowing, since it doesn't actually say anything specific about what happened, just that something has gone horribly wrong. I feel like this doesn't really spoil anything, since the ending of Destiny War already suggests that victory may be an illusion. I'm open to moving it if other people agree it should be later, though.


Edited by TuragaNuva, Nov 14 2017 - 04:06 PM.

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#129 Offline Planetperson

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Posted Nov 13 2017 - 02:51 PM

 

In book 8; should Takanuva blog entry 43 not be moved to page 230? It occurs just a little too early, spoiling the surprise of Makuta taking over Mata Nui's body.

I included it there as foreshadowing, since it doesn't actually say anything specific about what happened, just that something has gone horribly wrong. I feel like this doesn't really spoil anything, since the ending of Destiny War already suggests that victory may be an illusion. I'm open to moving it if other people agree it should be later, though.

 

I liked it that way.


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#130 Offline ArchAngelleofJustice

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Posted Nov 19 2017 - 02:39 AM

So I have a few more notes on Book 9 if you're interested:

The Reign of Shadows chapter that starts on page 341 could be moved to the start of chapter 43 instead of the end. As it currently stands, Mata Nui "learns" that Makuta is coming for him, before Trem Krom sends a message to Mata Nui about what has happened in the MU. My proposed change would have Trem Krom send the message before Mata Nui learns Makuta is coming from him. I believe it is implied that this is how Mata Nui learns Makuta is coming for him.

 

I would also move the Reign of Shadows chapter beginning on page 363 to just after the aforementioned chapter. As it currently stands, Makuta lands on Bara Magna on page 355 and begins to fight Mata Nui, before ejecting Lewa and company into space and flying away to Bara Magna on page 363 - 366. This chapter should be moved to before page 355, but I'd recommend just putting it directly after the aforementioned chapter to make one longer one.

 

Also the line on p365 "I haven't like the sound" is mispelled - like should be liked.

 

I'm also unsure as to why you have Chapter 49 (page 370) after the last paragraph of Chapter 48. As it stands, Makuta prepares to fire a gravity blast in a short paragraph, before you have an entire chapter that is set "moments earlier". By moving all of Chapter 49 to just before this paragraph you'd avoid this and probably make it flow better.

 

Why did you choose not just have all of Dark Mirror and The Kingdom take place between the books Swamp of Secrets and The Final Battle? Switching from Karda Nui to parallel universes breaks up the flow for no reason. (This is a criticism of the 2008 book in general, and most of this isn't your fault - there are way too many serials in 2008 that break up the flow of the three books and there's not really a clean way around it). I'm also unsure why you don't put the chapters on Brothers in Arms that take place "five years ago" as one long chapter - it's not really beneficial to keep going back to five years ago for no real reason. Of course, there is precedence for this - Swamp of Secrets has Takanuva see multiple flashbacks of the Toa's history 100,000 years ago throughout the story. It would be my preference to have the entire Takanuva story from Swamp of Secrets cut out and moved just after Swamp of Secrets, so we avoid going between Karda Nui and flashbacks and alternate universes.

 

I want to make it clear that this isn't criticism, I really appreciate all the hard work put into this. Many of these choices clearly originate in how the books themselves were originally written, and the fact that there are "too many serials in 2008" is obviously not your fault. Thank you so much for all your efforts in this, I have loved re-reading the series in this format and have particularly enjoyed reading the MNOG walkthrough and comics littered throughout the narrative in chronological order. 2009 in particular was greatly improved due to the inclusion of many comics.


Edited by ArchAngelleofJustice, Nov 19 2017 - 09:58 PM.

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Stories I wrote

 

Parts of a Whole Series: An Alternate Ending

Part 1: Fight for Freedom                        Wisps of Memory

Part 2: Army of One (In Progress)


Short Stories:
The Great Takara          
Tale of the Toa Stones          Masks


#131 Offline Matoro11

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Posted Nov 19 2017 - 10:40 AM

So, I realized a while back that the Bionicle story is... a little hard to read. You've got the chapter books, the comics, the serials, the podcasts, etc., and no easy way of knowing what order it should all be read in. Well, I've decided to try and fix that.

This is Biological Chronicle: the Complete Bionicle Collection. I've made PDFs containing practically every text- and audio-based piece of canon Bionicle fiction, plus any comics with story material not included elsewhere, in an ideal reading order. Everything is here, from the MNOG walkthrough to the Young Reader books. I re-did the existing podcast transcriptions, refined the existing translation of The Crossing, got the best comic scans I could, and just generally tried to make sure that everything is as high-quality as possible. This compilation is divided into 10 "Books," or volumes, each containing roughly one year's story.

Now, I understand that some people might have different preferences for what's included, so I've created a few different versions of each volume to try and have options for every reader (the specifics are detailed for each one below). For example, every volume has a "Text-Only" option: no comics, no picture books, etc. I've also created a single, complete PDF, with EVERY volume in it (as well as another version of it that's text-only).

I've spent many months working on this, but understand that there may still be some minor formatting issues or typos here and there. If you find any, please let me know! I want these collections to be as perfect as possible.

Also, serious thanks to Toatapio Nuva, who typed up all the chapter books, and gave me great advice during the process of putting this together. Without his help, I can't imagine how much longer this would have taken me.

So, anyways... I hope you guys enjoy! All feedback is welcome.


Links:

Book 1: Infection (Last update: 10/31, ~17:05 EST)
"Standard:" Has the canon version of the Shadow Toa fight (from the Style Guide)
Text-Only: No comics. Has the canon version of the Shadow Toa fight
Hapka version: Has the original version of the Shadow Toa fight from Tale of the Toa
Text-Only, Hapka version

Book 2: Swarm (Last update: 10/30, ~20:30 EST)
Standard
Text-Only: No comics

Book 3: Masks (Last update: 10/30, ~16:30 EST)
"Standard:" Includes the MNOG II walkthrough from BS01
Text-Only: No comics. Includes the MNOG II walkthrough from BS01
No MNOG II
Text-Only, No MNOG II

Book 4: Legends (Last Update: 11/13, ~12:45 EST)
Standard
Text-Only: No comics

Book 5: Venom (Last update: 10/30, ~22:30 EST)
"Standard:" Includes screenshots from the Search for the Mask of Light Animations
Text-Only: No comics, or animation screenshots
No Animations: No screenshots

Book 6: Doomed (Last update: 11/8, ~09:10 EST)
Standard
Text-Only: No comics

Book 7: Sacrifice (Last update: 111/8, ~09:10 EST)
Standard
Text-Only: No comics

Book 8: Rising (Last update: 10/24, ~2:30 EST)
Standard
Text-Only: No comics. Includes text from Journey of Takanuva, rather than scans

Book 9: Destiny (Last update: 10/31, ~17:05 EST)
Standard
Text-Only: No comics. Includes text from Early Reader books, rather than scans

Book 10: Epilogue (Last update: N/A)
Standard (there are no comics in this one)

Complete Collection (Last update: 11/13, ~12:45 EST)
"Standard:" Includes "standard" versions of all Books
Text-Only: Includes the "Text-Only" versions of all Books (and the Standard Book 10)

And for those curious, here are my notes from the creation process (note that "Alternate 2008" is the order I went with for Book 8). These aren't necessarily representative of the final order of things, but rather just what I jotted down during the process of putting everything together. I'll try to put together a more finalized list of what's included and where.


Sir, you are a hero

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M11


#132 Offline ArchAngelleofJustice

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Posted Nov 22 2017 - 12:09 AM

I've started writing Quest for the Toa.

I'm curious as to what people want from this - write now I've got probably about 5 pages, and I'm partway through Po-Wahi (the third area of the game). Of course, once I've finished it, I will refine it some.

 

Here's the first "chapter" - the beach and Onu-Wahi. This is still a rough draft, but I've tried to follow the style of the MNOG walkthrough.

 

As of now this is my longest chapter, I tried to include some of the challenges in the game but it's all pretty much the same. I will probably cut it down a bit, especially the fights with the non-boss enemies. And I've cut out the tree crystals completely as they're redundant. I'm also writing it that Takua doesn't win every "sports game" he encounters, but the sports might be cut out completely if people want me to seriously shorten it.

 

 

 

"Good morning, Takua!" My friend, Jala, greets me warmly.
"I've heard that Turaga Whenua wants to see you. Head up this beach and talk to everyone you see. You'll eventually come to the cave entrance to our underground village, where you'll find Whenua!"
Did I wake up on this beach, or was I wandering?
I walk up along the beach, past the water and between some shrubbery, before jumping over a rock in my path. As I reach a small bay of ocean, and I leap across to a sandbar leading me to the other side.
 
I see a a blue Ga-Matoran in the distance. As I approach she shouts "You're quite the athlete -- I saw how well you jumped over those obstacles!" Soon I find another river I must cross. This one is too far for me to leap, but fortunately there is a Hoi Turtle swimming by. I leap onto its back and over to the other side.
 
As I head inland, I spot a black Matoran with a purple mask - probably an Onu-Matoran, from the colour. "Whenua is waiting for you, little one. He has a matter of great importance to discuss with you. Enter the cave ahead to visit Onu-Koro, our underground village. Good luck!"
 
But why would Whenua want to speak to me?
I head onward into the cave. A guard yells out "Halt! Who goes there!" Another guard mimics him.
"Yeah -- who goes there!"
The first guard replies "I already said that!"
The second guard asks "Said what?"
"Who goes there!"
"Why are you asking me?"
As the two guards confuse each other, I walk past to find Whenua.
I head into the village of Onu-Koro. It's a huge series of underground caverns that meet in a central area near the entrance I have come from. The villagers build their homes out of huge, hollowed-out stones. As I approach one of the dwellings, a villager approaches me. 
"Our village is in desperate need of your help! We fear that the Vatuka Beast has Whenua and he is being held captive in the passageways to the east! You will need Vakama's Firestaff to see your way in the dark tunnels. It can be found in the village."
I walk over bridge crossing a shallow stream and find Vakama's Firestaff. I'm not sure what it's doing here out in the middle of Onu-Koro, but I know I will need it to rescue Whenua. I quickly head into a cavern to the East of the village.
 
Small, aggressive rahi beasts dwell in this cavern, but I can stun them by flinging the Madu Fruit I carry with me. While my Madu Fruit can easily dispatch these small rahi, I worry about what I will do if I find a larger beast here. I soon dispatch a Fikou spider and run on. Before I know it, a boulder is rolling towards me! I leap out of the way, but it grazes my arm. When I turn around I see a Fikou spider leap at me! Desperately, I fling my fruit at it. It's mask falls off, and it settles. Without it's mask, it will not hunt out other Matoran.
I'm unsure as to what moved the boulder - surely the small Fikou would not have been able to move it? Nonetheless I press on into the cave. Soon, I approach a pile of stones. As I near it, the stones begin to move. They form into a large beast made of rocks, it's arms flailing about! It sends smaller rock beasts after me. I fling my fruit at two of them, stopping their attack. The large one has used my distraction to approach, and brings its heavy arms down upon me, but I dodge out of the way and fling my fruit at it. As it cries out in pain, I continue to fling fruit until it too, is defeated. I look around. The small beasts that chased me are now just regular stones. The Vakuta Beast, too, is just a pile of rocks.
 
I look up, and I see the village Turaga, Whenua, trapped in a cage hanging from the ceiling. There are also two heavy buttons, far too heavy for myself to press down. I find two nearby boulders to help press the buttons down. Whenua's cage descends from the ceiling, and I can now approach.
"Thank you for rescuing me! You're quite the adventurer. We had better get back to Onu-Koro! There is much that I must tell you. Follow me!"
I follow Whenua back to Onu-Koro, and he tells me his tale.
 
"It is a time of great danger, Takua. The island of Mata Nui is under siege by the evil Makuta! Dangerous beasts wearing the infected masks of Makuta roam the land. Each of the six villages on Mata Nui are in danger! I have heard that some of my fellow Turaga are missing... and their tools, like Vakama's Firestaff, have been scattered about the island. Makuta has also stolen the sacred Toa Stones that used to tell the legends! You must seek out the Toa Onua Stone in the passageways north of here. If the Toa Stones are not recovered, the Legend of Mata Nui cannot be told."
 
Whenua then hands me an object - a Volo Lutu Launcher. I'm looking forward to using it.
I head on to the caves in the North. I soon come to a deep pool, with no bridge to cross. But I pull out my Volo Lutu Launcher, and fling it at a stone jutting out on the opposite side. An orb flings out, jutting into the stone - and then brings me along flying behind it! I'm sure I should be careful while using it, but it sure is a rush!
As I wander through the caves, I suddenly find myself surrounded by a swarm of insect rahi! This time, there are too many to take out with just fruit. I take Vakama's Firestaff, and use it's power to deliver a powerful blast of light and heat! The insects are stunned, and I can make my escape.
 
I find a new type of fruit in the shape of a sun. Nearby, I see that the cave has fallen in, and the path ahead of me is blocked by stones. I decide to try out this new fruit on the cave-in. It causes an explosion, breaking apart the stones in my path. I continue through the narrow cave, and find the lost Toa Stone! I take it back to Onu-Koro.
 
When I get there, Whenua thanks me for retrieving the stone. I decide to head on to the other villages. As I approach the exit of the caves, a Matoran stops me. "You have done well, Takua. To continue you must first race me, Onepu, the greatest of all the Ussal Crab racers! Collect all eight buried crystals to win." I suppose Onepu must be really eager for a race, and I am always down for some high-speed fun.
 
We race to collect the crystals. Although I start off well, digging the path to two crystals, I soon fall behind. Onepu is the faster digger and nows his way through the caves better than I do. As I am searching for the final crystal, Onepu announces that he has won. Onepu is true to his word, and lets me pass.

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Stories I wrote

 

Parts of a Whole Series: An Alternate Ending

Part 1: Fight for Freedom                        Wisps of Memory

Part 2: Army of One (In Progress)


Short Stories:
The Great Takara          
Tale of the Toa Stones          Masks


#133 Online simontikaxonn

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Posted Nov 23 2017 - 06:10 PM


I've started writing Quest for the Toa.

I'm curious as to what people want from this - write now I've got probably about 5 pages, and I'm partway through Po-Wahi (the third area of the game). Of course, once I've finished it, I will refine it some.

Here's the first "chapter" - the beach and Onu-Wahi. This is still a rough draft, but I've tried to follow the style of the MNOG walkthrough.

As of now this is my longest chapter, I tried to include some of the challenges in the game but it's all pretty much the same. I will probably cut it down a bit, especially the fights with the non-boss enemies. And I've cut out the tree crystals completely as they're redundant. I'm also writing it that Takua doesn't win every "sports game" he encounters, but the sports might be cut out completely if people want me to seriously shorten it.



"Good morning, Takua!" My friend, Jala, greets me warmly.
"I've heard that Turaga Whenua wants to see you. Head up this beach and talk to everyone you see. You'll eventually come to the cave entrance to our underground village, where you'll find Whenua!"
Did I wake up on this beach, or was I wandering?
I walk up along the beach, past the water and between some shrubbery, before jumping over a rock in my path. As I reach a small bay of ocean, and I leap across to a sandbar leading me to the other side.

I see a a blue Ga-Matoran in the distance. As I approach she shouts "You're quite the athlete -- I saw how well you jumped over those obstacles!" Soon I find another river I must cross. This one is too far for me to leap, but fortunately there is a Hoi Turtle swimming by. I leap onto its back and over to the other side.

As I head inland, I spot a black Matoran with a purple mask - probably an Onu-Matoran, from the colour. "Whenua is waiting for you, little one. He has a matter of great importance to discuss with you. Enter the cave ahead to visit Onu-Koro, our underground village. Good luck!"

But why would Whenua want to speak to me?
I head onward into the cave. A guard yells out "Halt! Who goes there!" Another guard mimics him.
"Yeah -- who goes there!"
The first guard replies "I already said that!"
The second guard asks "Said what?"
"Who goes there!"
"Why are you asking me?"
As the two guards confuse each other, I walk past to find Whenua.
I head into the village of Onu-Koro. It's a huge series of underground caverns that meet in a central area near the entrance I have come from. The villagers build their homes out of huge, hollowed-out stones. As I approach one of the dwellings, a villager approaches me.
"Our village is in desperate need of your help! We fear that the Vatuka Beast has Whenua and he is being held captive in the passageways to the east! You will need Vakama's Firestaff to see your way in the dark tunnels. It can be found in the village."
I walk over bridge crossing a shallow stream and find Vakama's Firestaff. I'm not sure what it's doing here out in the middle of Onu-Koro, but I know I will need it to rescue Whenua. I quickly head into a cavern to the East of the village.

Small, aggressive rahi beasts dwell in this cavern, but I can stun them by flinging the Madu Fruit I carry with me. While my Madu Fruit can easily dispatch these small rahi, I worry about what I will do if I find a larger beast here. I soon dispatch a Fikou spider and run on. Before I know it, a boulder is rolling towards me! I leap out of the way, but it grazes my arm. When I turn around I see a Fikou spider leap at me! Desperately, I fling my fruit at it. It's mask falls off, and it settles. Without it's mask, it will not hunt out other Matoran.
I'm unsure as to what moved the boulder - surely the small Fikou would not have been able to move it? Nonetheless I press on into the cave. Soon, I approach a pile of stones. As I near it, the stones begin to move. They form into a large beast made of rocks, it's arms flailing about! It sends smaller rock beasts after me. I fling my fruit at two of them, stopping their attack. The large one has used my distraction to approach, and brings its heavy arms down upon me, but I dodge out of the way and fling my fruit at it. As it cries out in pain, I continue to fling fruit until it too, is defeated. I look around. The small beasts that chased me are now just regular stones. The Vakuta Beast, too, is just a pile of rocks.

I look up, and I see the village Turaga, Whenua, trapped in a cage hanging from the ceiling. There are also two heavy buttons, far too heavy for myself to press down. I find two nearby boulders to help press the buttons down. Whenua's cage descends from the ceiling, and I can now approach.
"Thank you for rescuing me! You're quite the adventurer. We had better get back to Onu-Koro! There is much that I must tell you. Follow me!"
I follow Whenua back to Onu-Koro, and he tells me his tale.

"It is a time of great danger, Takua. The island of Mata Nui is under siege by the evil Makuta! Dangerous beasts wearing the infected masks of Makuta roam the land. Each of the six villages on Mata Nui are in danger! I have heard that some of my fellow Turaga are missing... and their tools, like Vakama's Firestaff, have been scattered about the island. Makuta has also stolen the sacred Toa Stones that used to tell the legends! You must seek out the Toa Onua Stone in the passageways north of here. If the Toa Stones are not recovered, the Legend of Mata Nui cannot be told."

Whenua then hands me an object - a Volo Lutu Launcher. I'm looking forward to using it.
I head on to the caves in the North. I soon come to a deep pool, with no bridge to cross. But I pull out my Volo Lutu Launcher, and fling it at a stone jutting out on the opposite side. An orb flings out, jutting into the stone - and then brings me along flying behind it! I'm sure I should be careful while using it, but it sure is a rush!
As I wander through the caves, I suddenly find myself surrounded by a swarm of insect rahi! This time, there are too many to take out with just fruit. I take Vakama's Firestaff, and use it's power to deliver a powerful blast of light and heat! The insects are stunned, and I can make my escape.

I find a new type of fruit in the shape of a sun. Nearby, I see that the cave has fallen in, and the path ahead of me is blocked by stones. I decide to try out this new fruit on the cave-in. It causes an explosion, breaking apart the stones in my path. I continue through the narrow cave, and find the lost Toa Stone! I take it back to Onu-Koro.

When I get there, Whenua thanks me for retrieving the stone. I decide to head on to the other villages. As I approach the exit of the caves, a Matoran stops me. "You have done well, Takua. To continue you must first race me, Onepu, the greatest of all the Ussal Crab racers! Collect all eight buried crystals to win." I suppose Onepu must be really eager for a race, and I am always down for some high-speed fun.

We race to collect the crystals. Although I start off well, digging the path to two crystals, I soon fall behind. Onepu is the faster digger and nows his way through the caves better than I do. As I am searching for the final crystal, Onepu announces that he has won. Onepu is true to his word, and lets me pass.

Its looking pretty good, but, it wouldn't be better if Takua wins all the "minigames" so you can relate how he wins the bronze mask, it would look better, like you passed the game 100%. If I can be of some help, I posted previously a complete walkthrough of the game, I hope it might be of any use!,

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#134 Offline ArchAngelleofJustice

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Posted Nov 24 2017 - 03:30 AM

So I don't want to hijack this thread, but I'm also unsure if my walkthrough warrants it's own thread in the Library before it's complete. If a mod or TuragaNuva would like to comment on whether I should create my own topic or not, it would be gladly received.

 

Simontikaxonn, the walkthrough you posted earlier has already been a great help. I'm really unsure about whether Takua should win each minigame. Quest for the Toa is a very different game from Mata Nui Online and writing a walkthrough in the same vein is difficult. At this point I'm thinking I'll make Takua win every game and get the copper mask (IF I keep the games in), mostly because Hahli does the same in MNOG II, but the more I think about it the more I'd like to gloss over at least some of the games.

 

At this point I've written a rough draft of the entire game, but I'd like to get people's opinions on how to proceed.

 

I'd like to skip over a lot more of the story. It's not as apparent in the early game but the late game has a lot of Early Installment Weirdness - such as Le Matoran not speaking in treespeak, Nuju speaking about anything and everything, and the events involving Vakama simply not matchiung up with what Vakama tells Takua in MNOG. (I'm not sure whether to even partially rewrite certain events - I want to stay as close to the game as possible, but a part of me wants the story to include Vakama giving Takua a lavaboard and Takua finding Vakama's mask, as mentioned in MNOG - in the game, Vakama's mask is never lost and Takua just finds the lavaboard lying around). No matter what, I have to skip over some of the game - it's not really interesting to read about how Takua beats like a dozen rahi while travelling between villages, for example.

 

But I really want to get people's opinions.

Do I write a shorter version that glosses over any inconsistencies?

Do I write a version like the rough draft chapter I have already posted, which stays true to the game and quotes it directly despite Early Installment Weirdness and contradictions with MNOG?
Do I write a version like the chapter I've already posted, but less accurate to the game and perhaps taking certain liberties with some events (such as, giving Matau treespeak, adding in Matoro to translate for Nuju, cutting out some items, and having Takua find and return Vakama's mask instead of Vakama himself)?

Or some combination of the above, or even just write all three and let people decide?

Before I go much further I'd like to see what people actually want.


Edited by ArchAngelleofJustice, Nov 24 2017 - 03:32 AM.

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Stories I wrote

 

Parts of a Whole Series: An Alternate Ending

Part 1: Fight for Freedom                        Wisps of Memory

Part 2: Army of One (In Progress)


Short Stories:
The Great Takara          
Tale of the Toa Stones          Masks


#135 Online simontikaxonn

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Posted Nov 24 2017 - 12:00 PM

I personally I would like the second option, detail every event during the game as long as possible, like that one you already posted, it was great and really immersive, but if there are many inconsistencies with the MNOG, well, it wouldn't be bad if you change some things, I think it even will look much better. In the Ta-Koro chapter you can put like Vakama got lost cause he was trying to search his kanohi, and when Takua finds Vakama, He tells Takua if he can get his mask for him, idk. What do the others think?
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#136 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Nov 25 2017 - 07:57 AM

So, book 5 done! Here are my comments on it (page numbers are the ones in the separate book):

 

Firstly, the short story Protection... I get that the story is canon, but honestly, it adds absolutely nothing to the overall story, since the slug-controlled Bohrok are not even seen in the book version of Maze of Shadows. The only reason Protection exists is to explain the wild Bohrok in the game version, so I think the story could be omitted entirely from this collection, since it has no added value. I understand if you wanna keep it for the sake of completeness, but that short story really serves no purpose, and may even confuse the reader.

 

If you do decide to keep the story, there are numerous points where paragraphs should be separated with an empty line, I think. Also, on page 3, the point "but Makuta had been right about them, except for the exciting..." - These two sentences should be separated, or the comma replaced with a ; (you'll see why when you read the full sentence).

 

Also, just like in book 4, the "1000 years ago" and "now" should be used to indicate past and present.

 

Page 9: "who knows how for underground they might extend?" - "for" should be "far"

Page 11: At the end of the page, add a full stop at the end of "said the Toa of Earth"

Page 21: "It served the Dark Hunters. It hunted and killed at their command. There is no fear of Toain its heart - to this creature, we are only prey" - this part should be in italics

Page 24: At the top of the page, add a full stop after "and grip the monster's tail"

Page 24: "You saw what happened to, Matau" - remove the comma

Page 25: Add a full stop after "but not its total mass"

Page 26: Add a full stop after "We're not going back," said Vakama

Page 31: "The Toa of Fire, shrugged..." - the comma shouldn't be here, although it's like this in the original text, so just decide whether you wanna correct it or not

Page 36: "Well, bury you" - "you" should be in italics

Page 39: "It was not the Karzahni's destiny to transform!' - Replace the !' with ,"

Page 40: Add a full stop after "using the staff to support himself"

Page 44: "Metru Nui will not miss you, Makuta, Vakama thought - "Vakama" should not be in italics

Page 45: Add a full stop after "laughed the Toa of Air"

Page 48: "He shot Nuiu a look of annoyance" - "Nuiu" should be "Nuju"

Page 70: Add a full stop after "its paw never even reaching her"

Page 70: Add a full stop after "The Matoran need us," added Vakama

Page 70: This is more of a lore-related remark, but the part where the Toa Metru heal the Ash Bear with their Toa power is very misleading, since it talks about the elemental properties of their powers, while Toa power doesn't have that. Maybe, if you want to correct that, remove the references to elemental properties of Toa power?

Page 76: "I need you to know that I've always" - "need" should be in italics

Page 77: "It's all right, Matau[,]" Nokama said - add a comma between Matau and "

Page 77: "You call this all right?" - "this" should be in italics

Page 77: Add a space between "and why we've become..." and "whatever it is we are"

Page 82: "They should have fled far from this place." Roodaka reflected - replace the full stop with a comma

Page 108: "Roporak" is mistakenly called "Roparak" five times on this page

Page 122: The end of the comic says "end chapter", but the following comic pages don't begin a new chapter, implying that they're part of the previous one

Page 126: Add a full stop after "Norik followed Vakama into the darkened chamber"

Page 127: Add a full stop after "The Toa Hordika slumped to the floor"

Page 131: "as much as to himself as to Nuju" - this is the way it is in the original text, but grammatically the second "as" should be removed, I think

Page 132: Add a full stop after "and waited for the screams to start"

Page 136: "Perhaps it will contain some valuable information, he hoped - "he hoped" should not be in italics

Page 136: "maybe I can find out what it is that's disturbing me, he reasoned" - "he reasoned" should not be in italics

Page 140: "there is something to be said for speaking to Rahi, and not just at them" - "to" and "at" should be in italics

Page 145: "Well, she had that right." Onewa muttered - replace full stop with a comma

Page 145: "they have been competing with each other for Makuta's favor" - although this is the way it's in the original text, "have" should definitely be "had"

Pages 145-146: Four instances of Roporak being mistakenly called "Roparak"

Page 149: Between "positions on another rooftop" and "If you lost yours", there should not be a division of paragraph

Page 152: "On a nearby rooftop. Nokama did the same" - replace the full stop with a comma

Page 154: "Krahka shifted her form to that of a razor-fish and drove" - this is the way it's in the original text, but "drove" should be "dove"

Page 162: I notice you've removed the word "Bionicle" from "listen again to our legend of the Bionicle". Just out of curiosity: why have you done that?

Page 236: "Maybe I don't want to do this without the others" - "want" should be in italics

Page 236: Although not necessarily an error, the Toa are referred to as Toa Metru once, although they are Hordika. Not necessary to change I guess, but a bit weird.

Page 237: Add a full stop after "It's why I have invited you here" (but obviously before the latter ")

Page 239: "I... don't know," - replace the comma with a full stop

Page 244: "Beast? I'm pretty sure it's s just me in here" - remove the random "s"

Page 244: Add a full stop after "Norik replied, looking away from her"

Page 244: After "until they reach the sky", the last quotation mark is the wrong way

Page 245: Add a quotation mark before "Protodermis that runs upward?"

Page 247: Add a full stop after "stepping over to join the Toa Hordika of Air in the center"

Page 256: "But in the moment of his death[,] Sidorak did something..." - add comma where indicated

Page 257: "You're my leader" - "my" should be in italics

Page 265: "You can afford a mistake or two against a Rahi beast," he reminded himself. "But not against these opponents. All they need is the slightest opening, and –" - use italics instead of quotation

Page 266: "I could kill you now, Toa[,]" she continued - add a comma between "Toa" and the quotation mark

Page 267: "Who's going to tell?" he asked himself. "The Toa will all be dead. Matoran? They'll believe whatever they are told to believe. And the Dark Hunters? Right, like anyone's going to listen to them." - use italics rather than quotations

Page 267: Between "I'll give you our answer" and "The next day", there should be a division of paragraphs

Page 267: Same thing (division of paragraph), but between "before Lhikan could answer" and "It's a deal"

Page 268: Before "Nidhiki sat on a beach", there should be a "Six months later"

Page 269: There should be a paragraph division between "It was time he and the Shadowed One had a talk" and "They're ready"

Page 269: "They're ready." Nidhiki reported - replace full stop with a comma

Page 269: "and then the sound dies in his throat" - This is the way it's in the original text, but "dies" should be "died"

Page 270: "four more times if he had too" - "too" should be "to"

Page 270: "one for transport back [to] the Shadowed One's island" - add "to" where indicated

Page 270: "...all the time on a job." Krekka answered - replace full stop with a comma

Page 270: Quotation mark after "Krekka -" is the wrong way

Page 271: There should be a division of paragraph between "to greet the new arrival" and "Get out of my way"

Page 271: "If you can call what she's got a 'face'" should be in italics

Page 271: There should be a division of paragraph between "We will conclude our arrangement then" and "Midnight found..."

Page 271: "She was too short-sighted," he decided. "Her horizon stopped on the borders of the island." - use italics instead of quotations

Page 271: "After all, I look the part," he reminded himself. "Of course, that won't matter if Roodaka doesn't show up soon." - use italics instead of quotations

Page 272: "If it weren't for me, the war would still be going on," he reminded himself. "The Shadowed One would be sitting in the Coliseum right now. But do I get gratitude? No, I get exiled. Well, I'll find a place where they need a Toa, and aren't too particular about that kind. And if Lhikan or one of those Metru Nui heroes tries to take it away from me, I'll make them regret the day they put on a Kanohi. All I need is for Roodaka to help me get what I deserve..." - use italics instead of quotations

Page 272: There should be a division of paragraph between "He screamed for a very long time" and "Roodaka watched with amusement..."

Page 272: "Can I assume I have purchased my training?" She asked - "she" should be without capital letter

Page 272: Press enter once between "from you once and for all" and "The Shadowed One laughed" (not a paragraph division, but a line division)

Page 274: Add a full stop after "bring the conversation to an abrupt halt"

Page 278: "but whoever they are, they will pay" - "will" should be italics

Page 278: "All of it?" the Shadowed One asked pointedly - "All" should be in italics

Page 278: "All of it." - "All" should be in italics

Page 279: There should not be a line division between "she answered, smiling" and "I know you"

Page 280: One instance of Jala being mistakenly referred to as "Jaller" (the last mention of him)

Page 281: "I know it was real" - "know" should be in italics

Page 284: "Turaga Dume - the real Turaga Dume - would never stand for this" - "real" should be in italics

Page 284: "even I'm not sure where it is" - "I'm" should be in italics

Page 285: Add a full stop after "I do remember that" (but before the ")

Page 287: Add a quotation mark before "Bad. Very bad."

Page 287: 'serves the Dark Hunters in order to...,[']" - Between , and " there should be a '

Page 292: Add a quotation mark before "And as for the other..."

Page 293: "then something, or someone, else had" - the "one" in the word "someone" should be in italics

Page 295: "I must, or you wouldn't need my help." said Vakama - replace the full stop with a comma

Page 296: then gestured toward Voporak and growled. "What are you waiting for?" - replace full stop with a comma

Page 297: "Ah, my brother's temple," said Makuta - add a full stop after "Makuta"

Pages 312 & 314: One story has "500 years ago" before it, and the other "The Island of Mata Nui...", which is a bit confusing. Why not combine the styles with "Metru Nui, 500 years ago" and "Mata Nui, 500 years ago"?

Page 312: There should be a division of paragraph between "especially about you being safe" and "Rain fell from the perpetually dark sky"

Page 312: "The group's self--proclaimed" - remove one of the hyphens, or at least make them the same way (one is higher than the other for some reason)

Page 312: There should be a division of paragraph between "everything in sight" and "Keetongu bolted upright"

Page 312: "Coliseum's balcony outer balcony" - remove the first "balcony"

Page 313: There should be a division of paragraph between "burning determination in his eyes" and "The Dark Hunter named Dweller"

Page 313: "If they are as wise as the Shadowed One says they are, then they will know exactly where to go to find their precious Keetongu" - should be fully in italics (at the moment, only "Keetongu" is)

Page 313: "present for the entire battle battle -- wouldn't want to..." - again, remove extra hyphen or at least make them the same

Page 313: "On one hand, this meant that the island city was still inhabited, but on the other, it meant that the Brotherhood of Makuta had failed once again to take over Metru Nui so it would be easier for the Dark Hunters to do so later. In the end, he decided that the latter was more appealing for the residents of Metru Nui would be conquered sooner or later and he was willing to wait" - this should NOT be in italics

Page 313: There should be a division of paragraphs between "and he was willing to wait" and "Once again, screams filled the air"

Page 313: "laughing manically -- it was the Shadowed One" - seriously, what's with these random hyphens that are on a different height compared to each other?

Page 314: Maku mistakenly called "Macku" once

Page 315: There should be a division of paragraphs between "I've got to get you to shore," said Amaya and "Churning water halted Amaya..."

Page 315: There should be a division of paragraphs between "Her world went black" and "Amaya."

Page 315: Press enter once between "Marka? Is she..." and "I'm right here!"

Page 315: Two instances of Maku being mistakenly called "Macku" at the end of the page

 

Now, the comics. I really liked the way you interwove them with Challenge of the Hordika at first, and they did flow flawlessly at first - until I stumbled upon two instances, where it creates inconsistencies. The first is on page 131, where Gaaki has to teach Nokama that she can still use her water powers with her Rhotuka, although she already did that in a comic that was placed before this point. The second instance is on page 134, where Whenua learns of Kahgarak for the first time, even though he already saw one in a comic that was placed before this moment. Additionally, due to the placement of the comics in relation to Challenge of the Hordika, there's a really long time between Iruini revealing to Matau that he was once a Toa Hagah, and the next time they're mentioned in the story (between pages 109 and 134, Matau and Iruini are not mentioned at all). The third problem appears on page 139, where Whenua supposedly charges his Rhotuka for the first time and is confused about it, even though he saw Nuju do it in a comic earlier. Then there's also a minor fourth instance, on page 174, where Whenua talks about him and Nuju being free to help, which refers to the comics that were place way back.

 

Now, the obvious solution to the problem with the comic placements would be to put them in the official canon order, which would mean placing all comics after Challenge of the Hordika. It's quite sad in my opinion though, seeing as I thought your placements would make more sense, if not for the continuation errors I listed above. I really liked the transition to Nuju and Kualus talking about bird speech, and Iruini revealing his past as a Toa right before the Toa Hagah comic. I don't really know how else to solve the problem though, without having to edit multiple paragraphs of text in the books.

 

Finally, to address the Quest for the Toa walkthrough, a complete walkthrough is actually nearly finished by myself and TuragaNuva. He's just going over it for any improvements that should be made.


Edited by Toatapio Nuva, Nov 25 2017 - 08:15 AM.

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#137 Offline Alligaytorrr

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Posted Nov 25 2017 - 07:39 PM

Well I did say I was interested in putting together something for Quest for the Toa but I've been disgustingly busy with class for the past few weeks, so I'm glad to see others picked up the task! All I had in mind was just a very condensed, one chapter summary for the sake of having the story in there, anyway. ArchAngelleofJustice's walkthrough is looking pretty good to me, I think it fits really well with the style of MNOG's walkthrough, and I'm excited to see what TuragaNuva and Toatapio Nuva have too!

 

Firstly, the short story Protection... I get that the story is canon, but honestly, it adds absolutely nothing to the overall story, since the slug-controlled Bohrok are not even seen in the book version of Maze of Shadows. The only reason Protection exists is to explain the wild Bohrok in the game version, so I think the story could be omitted entirely from this collection, since it has no added value. I understand if you wanna keep it for the sake of completeness, but that short story really serves no purpose, and may even confuse the reader.

 

If you do decide to keep the story, there are numerous points where paragraphs should be separated with an empty line, I think. Also, on page 3, the point "but Makuta had been right about them, except for the exciting..." - These two sentences should be separated, or the comma replaced with a ; (you'll see why when you read the full sentence).

 

Mostly popping in to comment on this because man do I agree. Protection is so cryptic and nonspecific, it's super difficult to understand what's happening and how it relates to anything else (and as pointed out, it doesn't relate to anything the books). I'd normally be entirely for keeping it just in the interest of completion, but it genuinely baffled me until I checked BS01 to remind me what in the world it was about and if this collection is supposed to be the most streamlined and clear way to consume the story, I'm a little inclined to say Protection does more harm than good, especially for new readers.


Edited by Alligaytorrr, Nov 25 2017 - 07:42 PM.

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#138 Offline ArchAngelleofJustice

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Posted Nov 26 2017 - 11:33 PM

Well, it seems there are a few people working on the same project. It seems discussion on it dried up a little while back - I probably should have read through to see what people were doing.

I finished mine up and posted it here, if anyone is interested.

http://www.bzpower.c...oa-walkthrough/

 

Of course, it seems like TuragaNuva and Toatapio Nuva already have this covered, probably better than I do, but I thought I'd post it here so people were aware and in case anyone wants to use mine as a reference or anything.


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Stories I wrote

 

Parts of a Whole Series: An Alternate Ending

Part 1: Fight for Freedom                        Wisps of Memory

Part 2: Army of One (In Progress)


Short Stories:
The Great Takara          
Tale of the Toa Stones          Masks


#139 Offline Alligaytorrr

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Posted Dec 07 2017 - 04:12 AM

Don't know if this was mentiomed yet, but I'm reading through Book 5 and the Mask of Light animations don't quite fit the timeline. They end with the toa going into the Great Temple to get the mask, but shortly thereafter (in chapters 44 and 45) the Great Temple is talked about again as if the toa haven't been in it since their transformation (they even refuse to go in because of it). Not sure where the Mask of Light animations would fit better, I haven't even read any further than this, but I wanted to bring it up before I forgot.
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#140 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Dec 07 2017 - 04:43 AM

Don't know if this was mentiomed yet, but I'm reading through Book 5 and the Mask of Light animations don't quite fit the timeline. They end with the toa going into the Great Temple to get the mask, but shortly thereafter (in chapters 44 and 45) the Great Temple is talked about again as if the toa haven't been in it since their transformation (they even refuse to go in because of it). Not sure where the Mask of Light animations would fit better, I haven't even read any further than this, but I wanted to bring it up before I forgot.

 

Actually, the temple in the animations isn't the Great Temple. This one is clearly situated in Ta-Metru, and doesn't resemble the Great Temple at all, aside from the spires.


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#141 Offline Alligaytorrr

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Posted Dec 07 2017 - 12:27 PM

Actually, the temple in the animations isn't the Great Temple. This one is clearly situated in Ta-Metru, and doesn't resemble the Great Temple at all, aside from the spires.


Are you sure? I assumed the appearance (both of the temple and the surrounding area) were just inconsistencies. BS01 says it is the Great Temple on the page for the animations, though it also says on the Avohkii's page that it was in the Archives, so idk.

Also, finished Book 5 and I feel like there could be a better place to put Tentacles? The fact that Time Trap ends with the matoran's return to Metru Nui and then the book ends with an inconsequential story from before they left Mata Nui feels out of place. The Dweller Report works as an epilogue, but I feel like Tentacles would be better if it were earlier.

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#142 Offline ryandaniels

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Posted Dec 07 2017 - 05:43 PM

This is amazing. My mind has been thoroughly blown.

I am in the middle of making something just like this. I was actually researching the ordering of the 2009 story when I found it. I don’t even want to think about all the time I’ve sunk into mine (I’m nearly finished transcribing and compiling the physical books). I’m blown away to find that someone else has not only finished it, but done a waaaaay better job than I would have. I’m feeling about 2% annoyed that you beat me to it, and 98% overjoyed that it’s done and looks so good. Well done, sirs.

I’d love to learn how you did it; I’ve got so many questions. But my main questions are:

1. Do you have any plans to produce physical and/or ePub copies? That was my original goal (especially physical), and I’d still like to see it happen.
2. Would you be willing to make the editable versions available? I’d be interested in rummaging through them, for self-educational purposes.

Again, this is amazing, and I’m very impressed. Well done!

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#143 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Dec 08 2017 - 01:40 AM

 

Actually, the temple in the animations isn't the Great Temple. This one is clearly situated in Ta-Metru, and doesn't resemble the Great Temple at all, aside from the spires.


Are you sure? I assumed the appearance (both of the temple and the surrounding area) were just inconsistencies. BS01 says it is the Great Temple on the page for the animations, though it also says on the Avohkii's page that it was in the Archives, so idk.

Also, finished Book 5 and I feel like there could be a better place to put Tentacles? The fact that Time Trap ends with the matoran's return to Metru Nui and then the book ends with an inconsequential story from before they left Mata Nui feels out of place. The Dweller Report works as an epilogue, but I feel like Tentacles would be better if it were earlier.

 

They are inconsistencies in one way or another, and even BS01 has no idea where or what that building is supposed to be. They are simply speculating, leading to the contradicting information. In truth, we have no idea if the creators of the animations intended for the building to be the Great Temple or not in the first place. Since the location of the temple is so ambiguous, it doesn't really affect the rest of the story though, meaning that the Hordika refusing to enter the Great Temple later is not at odds with the animations if we just assume the buildings to be different, as it would canonically make sense.

 

As for the placement of Tentacles, I never found it that confusing, but I suppose putting Tentacles before The Dweller Report might make a bit more sense.


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#144 Offline Alligaytorrr

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Posted Dec 09 2017 - 09:56 PM

They are inconsistencies in one way or another, and even BS01 has no idea where or what that building is supposed to be. They are simply speculating, leading to the contradicting information. In truth, we have no idea if the creators of the animations intended for the building to be the Great Temple or not in the first place. Since the location of the temple is so ambiguous, it doesn't really affect the rest of the story though, meaning that the Hordika refusing to enter the Great Temple later is not at odds with the animations if we just assume the buildings to be different, as it would canonically make sense.


That's fair. I guess Bionicle isn't really a series where you'd want to be expecting consistency across all its different kinds of media.
 

As for the placement of Tentacles, I never found it that confusing, but I suppose putting Tentacles before The Dweller Report might make a bit more sense.


Not so much that I think it's confusing, it just felt to me like a pretty unimportant short story was a dull note to end on, I guess? Book 4 began with Vakama starting his tales as preparations to leave Mata Nui were made, it seems fitting that the last chapter of Book 5 would be finally arriving on Metru Nui (with The Dweller Report feeling like a fine epilogue because it gives hints at what the Dark Hunters are up to). Maybe Tentacles could be placed before Time Trap, since it was told by Vakama while already on the way to Metru Nui?


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#145 Offline Daler99

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Posted Dec 19 2017 - 12:18 AM

Thank you SOOOOO much for compiling this collection!  I have been hoping that someone would do this for a long time. :)  I can't wait to read G1 in the correct order. :D :biorules: :bzp:


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~Daler


#146 Offline Toa Aeron

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Posted Jan 01 2018 - 06:35 AM

YOU LEGEND
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Just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things.

It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot!


#147 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Jan 09 2018 - 12:09 PM

Hey, everyone. I'm not dead!

 

Sincerest apologies for going so long without posting any updates; I had a lot of other stuff occupying my time for a while. I can't promise that updates will go back to being as frequent as before, but there shouldn't be another several-month gap!

 

Now, updates:

  • Fixed all the issues that Toatapio Nuva found with Book 5, including moving the comics
  • Removed Protection from Book 5 entirely
  • Added the Hahli/Thok fight scene from Ignition #3 to Book 6
  • Swapped Legends 10 Chapter 4 and Legends 9 Chapter 9, so that Icarax is defeated by Toa Ignika before Bitil receives the mental signal saying it has happened (NOTE: I did NOT move the chapter of Legends 10 where Chirox falls from above, as it is currently placed after he is knocked down into the swamp in Legends 9)
  • Added Glatorian comic #3 (other than the last few pages) and the first 4 pages of Glatorian comic #4 to Book 9
  • Fixed reported typo in Book 9
  • Moved Reign of Shadows chapter 11 to before the end of Journey's End chapter 5, so that Makuta isn't seen flying through space after he's already landed on Bara Magna

That's it for now. My main priorities now are finalizing the Quest for the Toa walkthrough, and looking into a new location for Tentacles. Also, I know that the Young Reader book page numbers are mostly still incorrect; I should probably just erase the page numbers on those entirely until things are looking more finalized.

 

Apologies for not replying directly to every post (that would be quite the undertaking, with how much activity there's been in my absence), but this one in particular seemed to have enough points that it needed a direct response:

 

So I have a few more notes on Book 9 if you're interested:

The Reign of Shadows chapter that starts on page 341 could be moved to the start of chapter 43 instead of the end. As it currently stands, Mata Nui "learns" that Makuta is coming for him, before Trem Krom sends a message to Mata Nui about what has happened in the MU. My proposed change would have Trem Krom send the message before Mata Nui learns Makuta is coming from him. I believe it is implied that this is how Mata Nui learns Makuta is coming for him.

 

I would also move the Reign of Shadows chapter beginning on page 363 to just after the aforementioned chapter. As it currently stands, Makuta lands on Bara Magna on page 355 and begins to fight Mata Nui, before ejecting Lewa and company into space and flying away to Bara Magna on page 363 - 366. This chapter should be moved to before page 355, but I'd recommend just putting it directly after the aforementioned chapter to make one longer one.

 

Also the line on p365 "I haven't like the sound" is mispelled - like should be liked.

 

I'm also unsure as to why you have Chapter 49 (page 370) after the last paragraph of Chapter 48. As it stands, Makuta prepares to fire a gravity blast in a short paragraph, before you have an entire chapter that is set "moments earlier". By moving all of Chapter 49 to just before this paragraph you'd avoid this and probably make it flow better.

 

Why did you choose not just have all of Dark Mirror and The Kingdom take place between the books Swamp of Secrets and The Final Battle? Switching from Karda Nui to parallel universes breaks up the flow for no reason. (This is a criticism of the 2008 book in general, and most of this isn't your fault - there are way too many serials in 2008 that break up the flow of the three books and there's not really a clean way around it). I'm also unsure why you don't put the chapters on Brothers in Arms that take place "five years ago" as one long chapter - it's not really beneficial to keep going back to five years ago for no real reason. Of course, there is precedence for this - Swamp of Secrets has Takanuva see multiple flashbacks of the Toa's history 100,000 years ago throughout the story. It would be my preference to have the entire Takanuva story from Swamp of Secrets cut out and moved just after Swamp of Secrets, so we avoid going between Karda Nui and flashbacks and alternate universes.

 

I want to make it clear that this isn't criticism, I really appreciate all the hard work put into this. Many of these choices clearly originate in how the books themselves were originally written, and the fact that there are "too many serials in 2008" is obviously not your fault. Thank you so much for all your efforts in this, I have loved re-reading the series in this format and have particularly enjoyed reading the MNOG walkthrough and comics littered throughout the narrative in chronological order. 2009 in particular was greatly improved due to the inclusion of many comics.

  • The signal Tren Krom sent was to the Mask of Life, telling it to create the golden armor (not a signal to Mata Nui to alert him of Makuta's arrival)
  • Good point; I was focused on getting the moment where they're teleported out (in the previous chapter) before Makuta's landing, and forgot about the rest of the time they spend outside the robot. Fixed
  • Fixed
  • That's the way it is in Journey's End, so I left it that way. Greg wanted to build suspense, I suppose.
  • '08 was tricky, and you're not the first person to disagree with how I've arranged the Takanuva sections. In general, I tried to keep chapters of different serials/books as mixed as possible, putting as little time as possible between chapters of any individual story. I figured that this would help new readers to keep up with the large number of characters.

 

 

Anyways: thanks so much to everyone for your continued feedback and support! This is now the second-highest-voted topic EVER in the Bionicle Discussion forum. That's amazing.


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#148 Offline Surel-Nuva

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Posted Jan 13 2018 - 03:48 AM

Okay, first of all: Book 4 has now been updated to address all issues listed by Toatapio Nuva! Fixes have been applied across all versions where necessary. EDIT: forgot to mention this when I made this post: the issues with "1" looking like "I" are entirely due to the font, not typos, so they've been left as-is. The only real possible fix for this would be to change every "1" to be in a different (but similar) font.

For transitioning between the past and present, what do you think of just putting "Now" whenever there's a transition to the present, and "1,000 years ago..." whenever there's a transition to the past? It's not exactly eloquent, but it's how I've established the time setting of pretty much everything else in the compilation.

Seems fine to me. I don't know if the "1000 years ago" is something we're supposed to know specifically at that point in the story, but I can't remember anything that would make it a problem.

Looking back at it, it seems like the references to the Whenua, Onewa, and Nuju waking up in their cell also doesn't fit what happened in the comics, so that needs to be dealt with as well. Which do you think is the better way of fixing those issues: 1) removing/editing all lines referring to them waking up and not having their tools, or 2) add a few words at the beginning of the book chapter where they wake up in their cell, suggesting that they tried to escape again (e.g. "After another attempt at escaping,")?

Agreeing with what you've said before, I would edit the original text as little as possible. I find the waking up in the cell thing less problematic than the tools thing, because they could've easily just spent a night in the cell they were trapped in and then wake up. The important thing there would be to make sure that the Toa don't show surprise at waking up there. You could also replace awakening with a different expression, like "captured in a cell", or "had found themselves in a cell", or something like that. The most minimalistic change I can think of would be to make the mention of "a cell" to "the cell", indicating that the cell is familiar.
Hm. I like your suggestion of changing it to "the cell" (or maybe "their cell"). Actually, if the idea is that they fell asleep in the cell, could their weapons have just been taken while they slept? I could just change "Their Toa tools were missing" to "Their Toa tools were now missing." Thoughts?

Page 16: “lab worker was doing his best” – This is Ga-Metru, so it probably should be “her” instead of “his”. “His” is used in the original text, and I think it’s just a mistake. It is possible that the lab worker is actually from another metru though, and there’s nothing contradicting that as such, so it’s possible also not to change it. Whatever you decide.


That's why it could be better to use the MNOG2 Matoran names from the Promo CDs.The Toa Metru Nokama Promo CD clearly states that the "instructor" is Amaya, who helps Nokama, the lab worker is Nireta (has a very similar text in the CD, exactly, the book version is just more detailed, but the CDs had some limitations), and the Ga-Matoran who told Nokama about Vhisola's whereabouts is Marka.

Another example: according to Nuju's CD, Talvi is the Ko-Matoran/chute station attendant/ who told Nuju which chute did Ehrye take, and Jaa was the scholar who was upset by Ehrye.
Fair points about the names. My main concern with them, though, is that adding all those names will overwhelm the reader with names. For a new reader, Bionicle names may not exactly be easy to keep track of, and the books were written to mostly only present names the reader should remember.

And I just noticed a little contradiction in the Book 2 while reading it:
Page 21: In the Wall of History entry, Onewa told Takua that Pohatu, Kopaka, Gali and Onua trying to trap the main Tahnok swarm. (which happens in the "To Trap a Tahnok comic)
Page: 24: Kopaka is on his way to check his other fellow Toa, after they trapped the Tehnok in the canyon (this takes place after the comics, mentioned above), according to his narration.
Page 27: Pohatu helps Hafu in the WoH entry, which takes place after the To Trap a Tahnok comic
Contradiction:
Actually, you put the "To Trap a Tahnok" comic's first page on the page 28, which indicates that the comic follows the events, mentioned above, which is impossible.
The Correct order should be:
1st: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray
Hafu hailed as hero
2nd: To Trap a Tahnok comic
3rd: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray
Hafu hailed as hero
4th: Kopaka goes to check his other fellow Toa

There are another WoH chapter between them, but it could be where it is now. Only these events must be re-ordered to prevent the contradiction.

So, first of all, it's important to note that in the comic, Kopaka freezing the tunnel already happened - Kopaka is long gone when the comic actually occurs. This allows time for time for him to have found that Bohrok nest. I agree it might work slightly better if his chapter came after the comic, but that would create difficulties with the comic scene where he comes to Tahu with information about the nest: There's not an easy way to extract this scene from the rest of the comic, since it has transitions that lead into and out of the other events in the comic.

Second, everything with the attack on Po-Koro pretty much lines up with BS01's timeline. There were just multiple waves of Tahnok that attacked Po-Koro: the swarm that's stopped in the comic isn't the exact same Bohrok that were fought in the Wall of History entries.
The BS01's timeline may be incorrect, mainly because it was written how the BOA happened, not how the WoH narration. Turaga Onewa said that in WoH chapter on the Page 21:

Pohatu, along with Gali and Kopaka, have been defending Po-Wahi against a particularly fierce group of Tahnok
– which is why we had a much smaller swarm to face today. I’m confident that once Pohatu returns, he
will find Hafu and bring him back to us safely.”

Which exactly what happens in the To Trap a Tahnok comic. I check the comic, it could be separated into 2 sections.

The Tahnok Trap events could be placed after each other, so the lone page where Kopaka and Tahu met could be separated from the whole Pohatu/Onua/Gali vs Tahnok in Po-Wahi, and moved after Kopaka's chapter. Only the next page has a "yellow box" on the top which could be removed in some way, so it won't be confusing. And maybe the infected/Krana-controlled Lewa chapters before the comic could be moved after this, because the last panel of it feature that Gali didn't know where's Lewa. Maybe, if the reader didn't see him before this panel, could be thinking about what happened him, instead of knowing that he had already been enslaved by the Bohrok.
Allthough the WoH chapter on the Page 27 could be moved after the comics without modifing it any way, if Onewa said in the previous chapter that Pohatu, Kopaka, and Gali had been defending Po-Wahi against the main Tahnok swarm (which happens in the To Trap a Tahnok), and the whole comic is placed between the 2 chapters, it's clear that Pohatu finished his task with the other toa (defeated the Tahnok in the canyon) and used his mask of speed to reach Po-Koro in time (which he did the Bohrok Online Animations)
I see what you're getting at with regarding the WoH entries (I didn't get what you were saying about them before, since you seem to have mistakenly listed the name of one of them twice in your suggested ordering). I still feel that the comic is better left as-is, but I will consider moving the second of those WoH entries to after the comic (since that does seem to line up better).

In book 8; should Takanuva blog entry 43 not be moved to page 230? It occurs just a little too early, spoiling the surprise of Makuta taking over Mata Nui's body.

I included it there as foreshadowing, since it doesn't actually say anything specific about what happened, just that something has gone horribly wrong. I feel like this doesn't really spoil anything, since the ending of Destiny War already suggests that victory may be an illusion. I'm open to moving it if other people agree it should be later, though.

First, thanks for the updates! And after all that mess with the WoH entries and comic issues, would you move the 2nd WoH entry about the Tahnok attack after the comics?

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#149 Offline -{Lion Heart}-

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Posted Jan 19 2018 - 01:17 PM

Just found this mother lode of a thread and, I have to say, this has left me speechless. You have done a great service to this entire community and to every current (and future) Bionicle fan out there, TuragaNuva! Thank you so much. I am saving this for a binge-read when I have more time and am quite looking forward to it. 

I can't even imagine how much work and time went into this, but I think it was well worth it! haha All the best!


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#150 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Jan 20 2018 - 02:36 PM

So, I finally finished book 6, and... well, prepare for an extensive list. :P

 

Ok, so first of all, the short story "Hope" is a bit of a disaster. Needless to say, there’s quite a lot one could point out about it, but here are some of the key points:

 

Page 4: First of all, I think you should put a "500 years ago" before Hope, like you did with Tentacles and The Dweller Report, cause the events of Hope probably happened then. It would also help explain why Dalu has a vastly different personality in that short story. 500 years on Voya Nui would be enough to change her from the upbeat character she is in Hope to the more serious one she is in the rest of the story. The writer of the short story really gave Dalu the opposite personality to what it should've been, but this could make the situation a bit better

Page 4: “I wish that for one day…Just one” – Space after “…”

Page 4: “everything could go the way I want…But it never ends that way” – Space after “…”

Page 4: “Fine, fine…And what's the situation?” – Space after “…”

Page 4: “Yet.” Kazi replied – Replace the full stop with a comma

Page 4: Not sure about this, but a paragraph division between “Eh, never mind. Bye.” and “Kazi walked down…” might be a good choice.

Page 5: I think a paragraph division is definitely needed between “A big one.” and “Kazi stood silent on a large cliff…”.

Page 5: “It happened long ago…Though not many remember” – Space after “…”

Page 5: “If it does hit us…We may be in a lot of trouble” – Space after “…”

Page 5: “But maybe the Great Spirit will be kind…But they never really have?” – Space after “…”

Page 6: where it should be safer.” Garan called out – replace full stop with a comma

Page 6: “you could just [it] tell wouldn’t be long” – add “it” where indicated

Page 6: “and if there was a cave in” – not sure about this one, but should it be “cave-in”?

Page 7: “Go tell Garan what I am doing… [After] I leave” – add “after” where indicated (belongs in the original story)

Page 7: “Oh Kazi, you scared me!” She said – “she” should be without capital letter

Page 7: “Please, we need to” – The dash appears extremely long for some reason

Page 7: “I…I don’t remember how I saved myself from that fall” – Space after “…”

Page 7: “No…But don’t worry about it, ok?” – Space after “…”

Page 8: “Why did this have to happen…Why did any of this have to happen?” – Space after “…”

Page 8: “The hurricane is over…It wasn’t as bad as we feared” – Space after “…”

 

Island of Doom - Legacy of Evil

Page 9: “It is our belief – our hope” – “hope” should be in italics

Page 11: “only one thing this new arrival could be – [a] Toa!” – add “a” where indicated

Page 12: “I have had enough of this,” – should be in italics

Page 12: “I have heard only sea birds landing on this canister. If the Matoran will not find me, I will find them, much to their regret.” – should be in italics

Page 17: “You would know.” – “would” should be in italics

Page 17: “You see, I have a terrible temper….” – should have three dots instead of four

Page 19: “not giving an answer is giving an answer” – “is” should be in italics

Page 19-20: It’s a bit hard to tell since the page changes, but I think between “And I hope it’s not already too late” and “Avak gently tapped two pieces of metal” there is no paragraph division, even though there should be

Page 21: “We stood up to the Rahkshi – I died in that struggle!” – “died” should be in italics

Page 21: “not like the kind we use,["] Garan explained” – add quotation mark where indicated

Page 23: “The plan is not at fault,” said Zaktan[.] – needs a full stop after the sentence

Page 23: “The failure is yours.” – “yours” should be in italics

Page 25: “but Hakann seemed [to] shrug it off” – add “to” where indicated

Page 26: “Listen to us! Obey us!["] Hakann bellowed” – add quotation mark after “Obey us!”

Page 26: “The point was to keep them alive so they could spread the word” – “alive” should be in italics

Page 27: “into the mountains[,] ensuring that he would not be missed” – add comma where indicated

Page 28: “that one just made no sense at all” – “no” should be in italics

Page 28: “You did the brave thing” – “brave” should be in italics

Page 30: “Balsa stopped her” – “Balsa” should be “Balta

Page 34: “hiding behind a rock.” he said” – replace full stop with comma

Page 36: “Zaktan snapped. “it’s just” – replace full stop with comma

Page 38: “I think I am supposed to ask you that” – “you” should be in italics

Pahe 38: “Piraka was a Matoran term” – “Piraka” should be in italics

Page 39: “Gall Nuva was the first to hear” – “Gall” should be “Gali

Page 39: “tossing aside his lone remaining air katana[.]” – add full stop after the sentence

Page 41: “A problem you will no longer face, Toa[,]” replied the Piraka.” – add comma where indicated

Page 45: “Nokama began her tale[.]” – add full stop after the sentence

Page 45: “Are you certain it really is Turaga Dume?” – “is” should be in italics

Page 47: “Hewkii[,] and Hahli” – add comma where indicated

Page 48: Divide paragraphs between “Now where’s the fun in that?” and “The six Matoran stood on the plateau”

Page 48: “Jaller watched [as] his friend took one step” – add “as” where indicated

Page 51: “It wasn’t the first [time] he had been used as a pack hauler” – add “time” where indicated

Page 52: “All along the way. Pohatu used his waning power” – replace full stop with a comma

Page 52: “commented Kopaka[.] “I would say” – add full stop where indicated

Page 52: “Strangers.” she said” – replace full stop with a comma

Page 59: “I was asking about what you didn’t see” – “didn’t” should be in italics

Page 60: “I don’t think you will, old friend.” said Jaller – replace full stop with a comma

Page 62: “and so terrible…[,]” she cried – small thing, but there should be a comma where indicated

Page 66: “up the slope and looked f around” – remove “f”

Page 68: “enjoying their ‘new life’ very much.” Hahli remarked” – replace full stop with a comma

Page 69: “surrender his mask to anyone[.]” – add full stop after sentence

Page 73: “Go on,” he urged. There must be more.” – the quotation mark in the middle has only half of it

Page 73: “I prefer the term ‘creative,”‘ Karzahni replied – small thing again, but the last quotation marks are in the wrong order and the wrong way around

Page 74: trails off [-] parts have even been scraped away – add “-“ where indicated

Page 74: “any of the tales[.] Don’t you see?” – add full stop where indicated

Page 74: “Personally, [I’ll] take pulse bolts” – add “I’ll” where indicated

Page 75: “As he did so. the crimson Piraka” – replace full stop with a comma

Page 77: “Zaktan hissed, [“]we are still Piraka” – add quotation mark where indicated

Page 92: “Or per-haps 20,005” – “per-haps” should be “perhaps

Page 93: Jaller says “I have known Hahli for centuries”, even though he met her less than a year ago (or a few years, max). Maybe change it to “for a long time”?

Page 94: [“]Jaller, come on!” – add quotation mark where indicated

Page 107: “accompanied by a searing blast of heat[.]” – add full stop at the end of the sentence

Page 107: “You don’t know Matoran very well.” Garan said defiantly – replace full stop with a comma

Page 108: “But it almost seemed like he had too much energy” – “too” should be in italics

Page 114: “everyone’s flying but the one who knows how to fly” – “how” should be in italics

Page 115: “But at least Nuparu had fun.”‘ – the quotation marks at the end are in the wrong order and wrong way around

Page 115: “Even Toa Lewa would have admired that move, added Kongu” – the single quotation mark should be a normal double quotation mark

 

I can’t figure out why the part of the comic with Avak and Vezok is placed where it is. Not only is it a bit strange, it also severely contradicts the events in the canon. At the point where the comic is placed, Vezok has just escaped from the Toa Inika and is on his way to the stronghold. Balta and Axonn meeting at this point in the story also makes no sense, since Balta is with his friends and Axonn is recovering from his injuries somewhere else. One possibility would be to move it just before Vezok encounters the Toa Inika, after Balta and the other Matoran have awoken. It’s not an ideal placement, but it wouldn’t contradict the canon as obviously as the current placement does.

 

Also, the page of the comic where Axonn starts talking about Voya Nui’s history, he says “Matorans

 

Page 125: “at one point. [“]But you don’t look like Toa Nuva” – add quotation mark where indicated

Page 125: “inika was the Matoran word” – “inika” should be in italics

Page 128: “We’ll pick up the others on the way.” said the Toa of Stone – replace the full stop with a comma

Page 128: “when it’s kicked into orbit[.]” – add full stop at the end of the sentence (but before the quotation mark

Page 128: “It’s getting our range,” he said. [“]We need to withdraw.” – add quotation mark where indicated

Page 129: “but Vezon is the Matoran word” – “Vezon” should be in italics

Page 130: “snarled Brutaka[.]” – add full stop where indicated

Page 132: “I’m pretty Poor at landing” – “Poor” should be without capital letter

Page 133: “I don’t care what anyone thinks” – “anyone” should be in italics

Page 134: “We did it,” said Thok – “We” should be in italics

Page 137: “the crystal[.] A Ga-Matoran” – add full stop where indicated

Page 140: “Zaktan hurled pan of his substance” – “pan” should be “part

Page 142: “no one still conscious [on] the battlefield” – add “on” where indicated

Page 143: “I think that was your wish” – “your” should be in italics

Page 146: “so powerful even the might Brotherhood” – “might” should be “mighty

Page 146: “his on and that of the other Piraka” – “on” should be “own

Page 148: “quietly behind him[.] Thanks to Hakann’s” – add full stop where indicated

Page 149: “Vezok thought, grabbing the stone, or someone” – “grabbing the stone should NOT be in italics

Page 150: “if he stuck dose to this newcomer” – “dose” should be “close

Page 152: “may have use for him: said the Shadowed One” – replace : with ,”

Page 155: “it sounded easy [-] so easy – add “-“ where indicated

Page 156: “You need to go cell the Shadowed One about this now” – “cell” should be “tell

Page 159: “this is a bad idea.” grumbled Reidak” – replace full stop with a comma

Page 160: “And the boat stays here” – “here” should be in italics

Page 160: “Then they [would] dive down again” – add “would” where indicated

Page 162: “You’re making a mistake.” Avak snarled – replace full stop with a comma

Page 162: “A big mistake” – “big” should be in italics

Page 166: “as Toa Lhikan had planned it[.] When he, Nidhiki” – add full stop where indicated

Page 169: “then turned to Zaktan[.] “Is he always” – add full stop where indicated

Page 169: “answered Zaktan[.] “But he has” – add full stop where indicated

Page 170: “Other Dark [Hunters used] spears, poles, and whatever” – add “Hunters used” where indicated, and connect the paragraphs

Page 170: “something of value to be found in this Place” – “Place” should NOT be with a capital letter

Page 172: Make paragraph division between “Wait until they get to know me” and “By skill and luck”

Page 172: Zaktan is said to use impact vision, while his vision power is actually laser vision

Page 172: “for the puniest of stakes [-] he would be playing for a universe” – add “-“ where indicated

Page 173: “Our lives depend on it[.]” – add full stop after this sentence (but before quotation mark)

Page 173: “Sorry. Yourselves?” – “selves” should be in italics

Page 173: “agreed Zaktan[.] “The Brotherhood” – add full stop where indicated

Page 174: “I mean us – the six” – “us” should be in italics

Page 175: “maybe you should die” – “you” should be in italics

Page 175: “Thok approached and looked at [the] weapon” – add “the” where indicated

Page 176: “Makoki stone had been a key [-] but a key to all of existence” – add dash where indicated

Page 177: “fight or run,” said Zaktan[.]” – add full stop at the end of the sentence

 

Nobody Gets Left Behind

Page 182: “waiting for their contact” – between “their” and “contact”, there’s an additional space for some reason

Page 182: “within a day or two and apprise” – between “two” and “and”, there’s an additional space for some reason

Page 183: “good friends by this time[,] often paired up” – though it isn’t in the original text, I think there should be a comma where indicated

Page 183: “but I insisted on going in his stead” – shouldn’t it be “instead”?

Page 184: “Sitting up again” – between “up” and “again”, there’s an additional space for some reason

Page 184: “‘Grey was clearly outclassed” – the space before the second single quotation mark should be removed, and the mark turned the right way

Page 185: Same thing as above, with the first mention of Grey

Page 185: “I ‘m just… tired” – remove space between I and ‘m

Page 185: “being a Toa.  She wasn’t” – the space between sentences is too long

Page 185: “strong as she” – same thing between “strong” and “and”

Page 185: “and still she ended up” – same thing between “and” and “still”

Page 185: “make me feel better, Norik.” Varian grinned – replace full stop with a comma

Page 185: “No sooner had she done so then she felt” – shouldn’t “then” be “than”?

Page 186: “completely reliant” – the space between these words is too long (at the end of the page)

Page 187: “Rhotuka, energy” – same as above

Page 187: “Now, Toa.” the Shadowed One said” – replace full stop with a comma

Page 187: “No.” she said decisively – replace full stop with a comma

Page 189: Since this chapter takes place 100,000 years ago, I think that should be mentioned at the beginning

 

Rest of the book

Page 190: “the two figures departed the chambers” – “chambers” should be “chamber

Page 192: “Maybe it won’t see me,” he reasoned, as he shut his eyes tight. “Maybe… maybe it will be content just to kill the others.” – use italics instead of quotations

Page 192: Between “fear clutched at his heart” and “Everyone knows” there’s a division of line, even though there shouldn’t be

Page 194: “I am fear!” – “am” should be in italics

Page 196: “bring in to being” – this is actually the way it’s in the original text, but shouldn’t it be “into” instead of “in to”?

Page 196: “greatest heroes in his-tory” – “his-tory” should be “history

Page 198: “as he strained against the Rahkshi” – should NOT be in italics

Page 199: “with his energy cross-bow” – “cross-bow” should be “crossbow” (I think, in the original text it's split in the middle due to different lines, so I think that's why it has a dash)

Page 200: “That’s not even the worst of it.” said Matoro – replace full stop with a comma

Page 205: “The voice ignored [him.] “For millennia” – add “him.” where indicated

Page 207: “Umbra they replied” – remove “they”

Page 213: “reserves of energy. Axonn unleashed” – replace full stop with a comma

Page 213: “The law is the will of Mau Nui” – “Mau” should be “Mata

Page 215: “Sizzle me, shock me [-] you’ll only make me stronger!” – add dash where indicated

Page 216: “Well, my friends, this is Fenrakk” – “is” should be in italics

Page 220: The riddle forming on the staircase should form two separate paragraphs. So it’s its own paragraph, but split in the middle into two paragraphs.

Page 221: “said Zaktan[.] “I’ll take Reidak” – add full stop where indicated

Page 222: “said Tahu Nuva, and freed us” – the middle quotation mark belongs one step to the right

 


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#151 Offline Planetperson

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Posted Jan 20 2018 - 06:40 PM

Dang, @Toatapio Nuva, that's quite a list!

 

Page 6: “you could just [it] tell wouldn’t be long” – add “it” where indicated

 

Just noticed this, shouldn't it be "you could just tell it wouldn't be long"?


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#152 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Jan 21 2018 - 01:55 AM

Dang, @Toatapio Nuva, that's quite a list!
 

Page 6: “you could just [it] tell wouldn’t be long” – add “it” where indicated

 
Just noticed this, shouldn't it be "you could just tell it wouldn't be long"?

Oh, I did indeed make a mistake with that. The original text actually goes: "Though worst of all was the wind, you could just tell in not long it could start blowing down trees and making a mess."

I did check everything from the original sources, but the fan stories are just overall more confusing to go over.

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#153 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Jan 22 2018 - 03:35 PM

Thanks so much for your continued proofreading, Toatapio. Just about everything you mentioned is now fixed. There's just 2 things I haven't changed:

Page 93: Jaller says “I have known Hahli for centuries”, even though he met her less than a year ago (or a few years, max). Maybe change it to “for a long time”?

Do we know that the first time we see those two interact was the first time they met? It seems possible they could've met earlier during their 1000-year stay on Mata Nui. I could easily be forgetting something, though.

Page 183: “but I insisted on going in his stead” – shouldn’t it be “instead”?

Nope, doing something "in someone's stead" means the same thing as doing it instead of them.

I've actually moved almost all of the '06 comic pages, as upon further inspection the location of the others wasn't great either (I originally had just gone with what BS01's timeline said, but clearly it has some issues). I spent a good bit of time choosing their new locations, and think they're about as good as they're going to get now (but feel free to let me know if you feel otherwise!).



First, thanks for the updates! And after all that mess with the WoH entries and comic issues, would you move the 2nd WoH entry about the Tahnok attack after the comics?

Done. Sorry, slipped my mind.



Also, I've improved the text color of the word bubble I added to one of the comic pages in Book 2. Noticed that it wasn't quite right while I was moving the WoH entry.

Edited by TuragaNuva, Jan 22 2018 - 04:06 PM.

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#154 Offline Toa of Ice - 1987

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Posted Jan 24 2018 - 06:34 PM

Is there any chance you will be adding the Time Trap book anytime soon.

Edited by necross hordika, Jan 24 2018 - 06:34 PM.

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#155 Offline Planetperson

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Posted Jan 24 2018 - 10:23 PM

Is there any chance you will be adding the Time Trap book anytime soon.

 

Huh? It starts at Book 5 Ch 46.


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#156 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Jan 25 2018 - 08:07 AM

Is there any chance you will be adding the Time Trap book anytime soon.

Planetperson is correct.

Each of the "Books" here (which I have considered renaming "Volumes" for clarity) contains roughly one year's worth of Bionicle story. Since Time Trap was the last '05 book, it's toward the end of Book 5 this compilation.

Hope that helps!

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#157 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Jan 26 2018 - 12:27 PM

Do we know that the first time we see those two interact was the first time they met? It seems possible they could've met earlier during their 1000-year stay on Mata Nui. I could easily be forgetting something, though.


Hmm, good point. It's never actually explicitly stated that them meeting in the Bohrok animations was actually the first time... I just always assumed it. The villages lived separate lives and with little contact, so I still personally think that Jaller and Hahli didn't meet till the Bohrok saga, but nevertheless nothing in the canon states they couldn't have met much earlier.
 

I've actually moved almost all of the '06 comic pages, as upon further inspection the location of the others wasn't great either (I originally had just gone with what BS01's timeline said, but clearly it has some issues). I spent a good bit of time choosing their new locations, and think they're about as good as they're going to get now (but feel free to let me know if you feel otherwise!).

 
Looks good to me. I don't think there's any better fit than the current one.


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#158 Offline OmegaLucasNuva

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Posted Feb 14 2018 - 09:17 AM

This is an amazing work. Congratulations!

I'm currently going through Book 2, and here's the feedback I have so far:

 

All Books - Changing the alignment of the text to "justify" would improve its readibility by quite a wide margin. It's an easy change that can also give any work a very professional look.

Book 1 - You begin and end the Infected Koli Ball episode using the term "Koli", but on pages 58 and 59 the term used is "Kolhii". I assume these weren't intentional and passed without notice during revision.

             - There's an inconsistency during the later chapters. When Takua talks to Vakama about the Toa having gone to Kini-Nui on Chapter 23, the latter mentions them having already gathered all the masks. The chapter depicting said gathering (and the decision to go to Kini Nui as well) comes afterwards in Chapter 24, though.

             - Also in Chapter 24 there's an introduction to a Nui-Jaga cavern raiding episode that has no continuation. I assume the chapter books themselves are to blame, and wonder if it wouldn't be better to remove it.

             - A comma is missing in "Finally Onua spoke" in page 113. 

 

Book 2 - This book (and presumably the third as well, but I haven't gotten there yet) would benefit from having descriptive text versions of the Online Animations included (the same way you are planning to do with the Quest for the Toa walkthrough) as the Wall of History segments are far too condensed to tell these episodes in a decent way. However, those would have to be made from scratch as far as I know. Still, I leave here that suggestion.


Edited by OmegaLucasNuva, Feb 14 2018 - 09:36 AM.

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#159 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Feb 14 2018 - 11:00 AM

Updates! Firstly:
* Fixed a minor typo in Book 1 that it seems nobody had noticed yet
* Moved "Tentacles" to just before Time Trap in Book 5. It's not perfect (I really don't think there is a perfect place for it), but I think it works better than its previous location.
* The Quest for the Toa walkthrough has not been added yet, but is nearing completion. The current plan is to add it as an epilogue to Book 1.

 

This is an amazing work. Congratulations!

Thanks!
 

I'm currently going through Book 2, and here's the feedback I have so far:
 
All Books - Changing the alignment of the text to "justify" would improve its readibility by quite a wide margin. It's an easy change that can also give any work a very professional look.

Probably a good suggestion, and I'll consider it. The main obstacle is that it would take a VERY long time, since simply selecting everything and hitting "justify" might screw up some of the delicate formatting relating to the images and such.
 

Book 1 - You begin and end the Infected Koli Ball episode using the term "Koli", but on pages 58 and 59 the term used is "Kolhii". I assume these weren't intentional and passed without notice during revision.

Not sure how those got through (I could've sworn I did a Replace All on that in Book 1), but you're correct. Fixed.
 

- There's an inconsistency during the later chapters. When Takua talks to Vakama about the Toa having gone to Kini-Nui on Chapter 23, the latter mentions them having already gathered all the masks. The chapter depicting said gathering (and the decision to go to Kini Nui as well) comes afterwards in Chapter 24, though.

Excellent point; I'm honestly not sure how that ended up that way. I've now put most of the old Chapter 24 before the old Chapter 23, leaving the bit at the end of the chapter where the Toa arrive at Kini-Nui at the end of the old Chapter 23.
 

- Also in Chapter 24 there's an introduction to a Nui-Jaga cavern raiding episode that has no continuation. I assume the chapter books themselves are to blame, and wonder if it wouldn't be better to remove it.

That particular passage is actually taken from the Bionicle Style Guide, added at Toatapio Nuva's suggestion. I felt like it fit well with the montage of scenes in that chapter, but in retrospect, I see what you mean about its lack of resolution feeling odd. It's still in place, but I'll consider removing it.
 

- A comma is missing in "Finally Onua spoke" in page 113.

Fixed (though it was a period, not a comma ;)).
 

Book 2 - This book (and presumably the third as well, but I haven't gotten there yet) would benefit from having descriptive text versions of the Online Animations included (the same way you are planning to do with the Quest for the Toa walkthrough) as the Wall of History segments are far too condensed to tell these episodes in a decent way. However, those would have to be made from scratch as far as I know. Still, I leave here that suggestion.

I actually have an idea for improving that somewhat, but I'm keeping it under wraps for now... ;)

Thanks so much for your feedback!

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#160 Offline OmegaLucasNuva

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Posted Feb 14 2018 - 01:36 PM

Book 2, Page 51: “Not onlyjust me, either." is missing a space.

 

Book 2: The word "krana" is lowercase in the content coming from the Chapter Books, but capitalized in the Wall of History sections.

 

Also, off topic, “Makuta,” Lewa interjected suddenly. “It was Makuta. He released the manyswarms when we tried to awaken Mata Nui. It was not yet the right time, the time he had planned – but he outsent them early, hoping to stop us.”

Are they foreshadowing Makuta's masterplan this early? Or am I misinterpreting this quote?

 

Now, onto the Bohrok-Kal section.


Edited by OmegaLucasNuva, Feb 14 2018 - 01:36 PM.

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