Aderia

I miss the activity but not the server messages, yeah. But I also really like that small town feel people have been bringing up here and there.

2004! Long live the Toa Metru!

*coughfirstworldproblemscoughcough*

http://alfa.gifs-planet.com/new/3113.gifDo not post images over 500 kB -B6(posting from Russia because I can)Join a dancing Mr. Somerhalder in wishing your friend and mine, Tyler Durden, a happy birthday.Tyler, have an awesome birthday. If you don't, I will be sad.

Disney songs, most definitely.

This bear. I love him! I'm gonna have my kids watch Winnie the Pooh, its classic.

=D I love mom logic! "Good friends stick with you no matter what, dear." "Which means I don't have to clean before they come! Like you said, good friends wouldn't care." "...No."

The theme song for 'Arthur', the aardvark. I'm not even kidding, that theme is -me-.

How many writers would you be looking for, just to get an idea?

Hello bohrokmaster :)I have a review for your epic. Actually, to be technical, I have two. The first one, a more shallow one focusing on nitpicks, I have here. (this technique of reviewing is new to me, using Dropbox and the reviewing software on Microsoft Word, it was actually introduced to me in a review I recently received, and I found it exponentially helpful.)If you have Microsoft Word on your computer, I recommend downloading to make the review easier to get through. If not, though, I don't think you'll have a problem getting through it in the preview window. I exanded on a few nitpicks from the word document below, since the comments were a bit lengthy.[Corresponding to Comment 012] ‘he’ needs caps, first off. Secondly, there is a start of a new paragraph in the middle of a sentence again, which is unnecessary. Next, ‘homeworld’ is not a word, I suggest you split it with a space or a hyphen. Lastly, the phrase 'home-world universe' is repetitive. You only need one of those words. Pick your favorite.[Corresponding with Comment 013] Besides the fact that ‘my’ needs capitalized, this sentence directly contradicts another one. Mata Nui clearly stated earlier in the story that he doesn’t’ have any powers. But this sentence describes his powers.[Corresponding with Comment 015] Aqua Magna needs capitalized. 'to' is a strange word choice, as well. This is also a huge run on sentence, there is a lot of unnecessary repetition. I personally think it would read better as "I began to fall and lose control. The gravity of the nearest ocean planet, Aqua Magna, pulled me in. My crash landing caused an earthquake throughout the Matoran Universe." The last few words, 'inside my robot body' are not needed, since you've already stated several times by this point that the Matoran Universe is inside his robot body. [Correspondding with Comment 018] Same deal, capitalize the first word in the sentence here. Also, a bit of variety when describing aspects of Mata Nui would be nice. You’ve used the word ‘robotic’ and its relatives a bit too much for my liking.[Corresponding with Comment 019] This was just a horribly worded sentence. For one, 'Toa Nuva' and 'Mask of Life' should be capitalized. Second, a bit of clarification is needed. When you said that the Toa Nuva revived and reawakened Mata Nui, my first instinct was to call you out for being redundant. But then I realized you were referencing two different events. '...revived me, and later reawakened me using the Mask of Life', or something to that effect, would make the sentence read more smoothly. And the last part. '...my robot body rose and the islands inside me pulled up from my back.' I honestly have no clue what that's supposed to mean. The islands were pulling him up off of his back? What?[Corresponding with Comment 023] Bolded words, take a wild guess what they need. Yup, capitalization, you got it. '...honor me and respected me', is strange. You have two verbs in one sentence, but they are in different tenses. '...honored me and respected me' or '...honor me and respect me', depending on what you're meaning to say. Also, I don't think the repetition of the word 'me after each verb is required. And what the heck is a 'wisdom of kindness'? Did you mean 'wisdom -and- kindness', maybe? The colon, also, would function better in this case as a comma. In summation, a majority of these nitpicks were two kinds of capitalization errors. The first kind of errors were not consistent, though. Most times, you did capitalize the word 'I' and the first words in sentences. Only on occasion, you did not. This leads me to believe, as I mentioned before, that this is a lack of proofreading. As I also stated before, if you have Microsoft Word installed on your computer, I recommend writing up your story on a document there, it's software is awesome for catching technical things like that. The second bit of capitalization that needs addressing is the proper nouns from the Bionicle Universe. 'Toa', 'Matoran', 'Rahi', 'Makuta', 'Mata Nui', 'Voya Nui', Karda Nui', and so on, are all proper nouns, and should be capitalized as such. Another recurring issue I found was run on sentences. A sentence is a group of words that is complete in itself, and expresses a complete thought. Anything more than that, more than one thought, can more than likely be sheared off into a separate sentence. This is beneficial for the sake of clarity, saving the reader confusion. One last thing about the nitpicks. Description variety. You definitely can work on that. While the descriptions you have were decent and did a good job of getting your point across, as the story went along, I noticed a blatant lack of variations in these descriptions. According to Google, there are at least 100,000 adjectives in the English Language. I suggest you take better advantage of them. For example, and I may have pointed this out before, but just for emphasis, you used the word 'robotic' or something of the like, about 14 different times within your story. Since the story isn't actually that long yet, I'd call it fair, saying you over used the word 'robot'Anyways, with those particulars out of the way, on to the actual story. You gave us here a compact little summary of the existence of Mata Nui. I actually thought it was a short story while I was reading it, a single chapter story. While it was short and sweet, I have to wonder what the rest of your story will be about, since this first chapter didn't really hint at what may be yet to come in this epic. It's nice to have the title, 'Story of Mata Nui', come in to play so early on, although it looks like you had some more capitalization errors while typing that in too =/One very last thing, for the sake of making your readers' lives easier, I suggest putting a link to your story in you review topic, for when your story and review topics get separated. It makes it a lot easier to find.

You had me fooled. I thought you'd joined skype and done a write off with us when I saw this entry =/

Hence the awesomeness.

I keep telling you, LL, have your prize mail sent to 'Gertrude'. It would be -awesome-.

There are plans in the making for a flasmob to this song for the first day of school!

Bam. Reviewed. Charity style.

Please refer to this post in the ECC if you're wondering why I posted in your review topic to bring it from the back of the library all the way to the front.Long story short, it's review time. Yay!As per usual, nitpicks first.From Prologue: History Gone Wrong 'truth' to 'truce', I'm guessing. You have an extra verb in that sentence. Either/or would work, it's up to you. Looks like you're missing a 't' in 'matter', mate.From Chapter 1 Well, I had to consult Microsoft Word for this one, and even though it says 'me' isn't incorrect, I feel that 'myself' would sound more appropriate. Okay, while nothing is grammatically wrong with this sentence, it's a bit choppy thrown into the story. Up until that point, you've been narrating with no regard to the reader, but this sentence just kind of randomly and indirectly addresses them, it bothered me. Okay, this can go one of two ways. "it's time the Toa and Glatorian divided loyalties." or "it's time for the Toa and Glatorian to divide loyalties." 'got' to 'have'. Just, please. Or at least "You've got". It's just too informal otherwise. Same with the words 'Gimme' and "Uh, right", and a few other lines from Tahu that irked me. He's the leader of one of the greatest Toa Teams ever created. At least make him talk like one.Anyways, technical nitpicks aside. Now we get to the fun stuff.One thing that I did like and wanted to comment on was the point of view this story is told from. Or at least, Chapter One, since the two chapters were written in two different perspective. When I saw that this was a self-insert story, I braced myself for the worst. But in the story, Solaris seems to be taking on an antagonistic stance in the plot, which I don't think I've seen before. Good job on that. One thing, though, you definitely could work on is detail. Backstory. Why are things the way they are? Why is Solaris, a seemingly normal Ta-Matoran (Matoran created with Mata Nui's blessing to be good and peace loving), bent on being evil? World domination, in this case, if I'm not mistaken.Next on the agenda: Baterra. It's great that you've been using them in the story so far, they're a species (relative term) that I've been wanting to read more about. But in this case, you have a Baterra set up as the leader of society. I have a couple issues with that as a reader and as a stickler for obvious canon. And then to quote your epic. Now, I'm all for creative lisence. Down with the cliche's, angry mob protests, and all that jazz. But it's got to make sense. Has this Baterra, Ghar-Knel, been programmed to be an official leader? Or work his way to becoming a tyrant? Admittedly, the part about worldwide disarm did make sense. But then you went and said that civil war broke out. Were the Toa and Glatorian having sissy fights with open handed slaps to the face? Because, besides drunken bar fights, I'm not sure what else you really do without weapons on a 'civil war' scale. Were there secret pockets of resistance that had weapon caches for the war?I have to admit, I tried understanding why society launched into civil war, but I came up blank. They can't have weapons under Baterra rule. They go to war anyways? What? Don't Baterra exist to stop stuff like this? As far as I'm aware, people go to war for not having enough independence, and after having gained that independence, not having enough land, and then, not having enough not having enough resources, and then not having enough workers to use those resources to build and expand even more, so then they go out and wage a war, taking prisoners as slaves. And then the slaves start an uprising for their independence and the whole thing starts all over again.On that note. Ummm, by this time, I think I've quoted about half your epic. Sorry 'bout that.But again. Unmerited war. I get it, Tahu is reckless and rash, he doesn't think before he acts. But that was thousands of years ago, canon-wise. Under no circumstance would he agree to start a war, even if he's not entirely serious about it and it's just his hot head talking. On that note, he wouldn't ever sacrifice a good hunk of his Toa power, make a Toa Stone, (I can't picture him stealing a stone from Ackar's desk either, however convenient it may be) give it to a Matoran he hardly knows, and tell the Matoran to go have happy play time.And are they starting their own war on top of the civil war (which is also unjustified) that is already going on? They'd just end up killed by Baterra, that's my best guess. Unless all Baterra in your story are like Ghar-Knel and love war so they can kill more.Another matter, why the heck are Ackar and Tahu, two of the strongest leaders and most powerful and influential beings on Sphereus Magna, sitting in an office building squabbling like old ladies? I hate to say that the whole "I'll have Tahu make a Toa Stone for my self-character," scene seemed like a suspiciously convenient plot device, but it kind of was in my eyes. As I mentioned before, it wasn't entirely believable either. Tahu and Ackar, their dialog didn't really match up with their personalities in canon.Now, if you're going for an alternate-universe-esque story, having canon characters, such as Tahu and Ackar, be out of character is fine. If so, one thing I really suggest, work on their substance as characters. Why is there so much initial animosity between them? What is Tahu's reasoning for declaring war on Ackar? What makes Ackar rise to meet this challenge? Does Tahu have more reason for giving a Toa Stone to this corrupt Matoran other than to show up Ackar? If so, what are those reasons? If not, why in the world is he in a position of power, with decision making skills like that?One more thing: I know I called you out on this quote before, but it needs more attention.Communism - (n) A revolutionary socialist movement to create a classless, moneyless, and stateless social order structured upon common ownership of the means of production, as well as social, political, and economic ideology that aims at the establishment of the social order. (credit to Wikipedia, I don't see what schools don't like about citing it.)Okay, admittedly, I had to read through that definition a few times to understand, and I'm not sure that I completely understand even now. But one thing, I do know. The definition states that a communism is classless. And then Tahu describes the Spherus Magna government a communism, but goes right on to describe the 'Privileged Ruler' Class, the 'Law Enforcer' Class, and the 'Peasants'. I just thought I'd point that out. It sounds more like a miniature caste or feudal system. But definitely not communism.Now, your grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation, I didn't have very many problems with. And if I did, they were probably mentioned above when I was going through nitpicks. So good on that. You kept to a consistent verb tense throughout the story. While the dialog, parts of it, at least, might not look the best on a page (monitor) it reads aloud smoothly.It looks like you haven’t updated your story in almost a year. Am I correct to assume you’ve dropped this project? Because, in all honesty, I would be saddened by that. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Bara/Sphereus Magna in the Bionicle storyline, and when I read fanfics about it, I dislike it less. While it’s not the best reformed Spherus Magna story I’ve read, it has potential to become better. If you continue, I’ll probably pop back to see where you decide to take it. Plus, I’d like to see how the title ties in to the story, I found it interesting. Either way, I’m glad there’s no such thing as topic revival in the library, this review is probably one of my longest. I hope my nitpicking didn’t get under your skin too much. All in the name of improvement, right?

GSR obviously stands for Grant Sud Rises. I am shocked at you all for not realizing. Also, Epic! Woot! Heh, custom member titles. As awesome as they are, they seem like more trouble than they're worth =/

Congrats on PMship =) I very much enjoy your library-esque blog theme.

Touche, about TSO. I suppose it was self-loyalty, if that couts.Also, what about Brutaka? I mean, in Federation of Fear, he was a leader of a team of villians. And with his multiple personality thing with the Antidermis, does that make him loyal to his other personality?

When Makuta Teridax killed two of the Shadowed One's Dark Hunters (Krekka and Nidhiki), that sparked the Dark Hunter/BoM war.Also, Roodaka had that creepy-ish devotion to Teridax where she brewed that master plan of hers to break the Toa seal around him.Those are two examples of antagonists showing loyalty, even if it wasn't exactly the kind we like to think of.