Aderia

Hehe, yeah! I did draw a bit of inspiration from Toy Story! I'm thrilled you picked up on that =3 Haha yeah! Thanks Zar, it felt good to finally write something again. And there's this awesome quote about hope from some awesome movie, but it's escaping me at the moment. Plus, you probably wouldn't recognize it, since you still haven't even seen Finding Nemo and all XP Hey, wow! Merci beaucoup, monsieur. Your honest and in depth response is greatly appreciated. The beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, I’m really glad you found so much to comment on in my story. I just wish I had a more in depth reply to your reply XD. And yes, I really do love the Rescuers. It’s great to know there are other people out there who do as well. Thank you, again, so much.

1.) Should the entire Library have a 300 word minimum? Why?I vote yes. Even for flash fiction contests, there is a minimum of 400 words. I have yet to see a piece in the library under 300 words that was worth my while.While I’m at it. Those of you who have been around BZP longer than I have, have you ever seen a 300 or less word story that was decent?2.) Should comedies be merged with the rest of the library? Why?Meaning no offense to either side, I’d rather that not happen. Cederak brought up a good point, when he asked what the difference was between a comedy and a humorous SS or epic, besides where it’s posted. I want to use that as my point, that’s really the only difference, and I’m okay with that. It makes the library look more organized, and it shows that we acknowledge each separate sub-forum by giving each Epic, Short Stories, and Comedies their own section.If Comedies were to be merged, I think there would just be a whole bunch of confusion. It would also be unfair for Epics authors who have a separate review topic, their topics would be buried beneath the multi post comedies that get 10+ posts a day because their story and review topics are one and the same.3.) Should the "one chapter per 24 hours" rule be reinstated for anyone not reposting an epic from the old board?I actually don’t have much of an opinion on this. If an author has written an entire epic and wants to post it all at once, that’s their choice. Personally, that’s not what I would do, but to each their own.4.) Do you want a CoT Library? Why? If a CoT Library existed, how often would you make use of it?Yes. I think not having a COT library is bad for business, so to speak.The Bionicle story line is dead. There’s only so much the authors can do to keep their fanfictions going. Not all of us have time to figure out what the behemoth that is the Expanded Multiverse is about.A lot of really good writers have already expanded into COT, but the stories are buried within a matter of hours beneath Brony topics and Minecraft discussion etc. Etc. There are so many drowning stories that don’t deserve to drown.If the writers who have been posting COT stories migrated to the hypothetical COT library, I would definitely make use of it. I’m not exactly sure why a COT library isn’t in place, because COT is frankly, a mess. That’s not bad, except for the poor drowning stories that deserve a chance.5.) Are there any ideas, themes, etc. you feel would be better expressed in your writing without a Bionicle influence? What are they?Yes. For example, emotions. Whenever I try to write about a person/robot who can shoot fire out of his hands and give him any depth, I feel like I could do so much better with an actual person who doesn’t live inside a giant robot and lives hundreds of thousands of years.6.) How often do you post a story? How often do you review?I haven’t been posting stories recently, but I try to review once a week or two.7.) Do you use the critic clubs? Why or why not? Do you find the critic clubs useful?On occasion, I do use the critic clubs because I can count on an honest and in depth review for my story, which is always useful. I’d recommend ECC and SSCC to authors in a heartbeat.8.) Who are some of your favorite Library writers? What are some of your favorite Library stories? What's your favorite self-written work?And one of my favorite self written works is probably my SSC8 Entry, All Our Sins Remembered. If I had to choose one off the top of my head to be proud of, it’s that one =) Also, for COT, I wrote a songfic, River, Oh River, Flow Gently for Me, that also has a special place on my ‘bookshelf’ because the song is from The Prince of Egypt, one of my favorite movies.And here are my favorite writers/stories in no particular order, quoted from my library topic: There have been a couple name changes since I typed up the recommendation section of my library. Grant Sud goes by Quote (Mr. Traveler) these days. The Wretched Automaton has been ‘Grimoire Albastry’, ‘Marluxia’, and ‘Sechs – King of Façade’ since then.

Definitely these two. Most definitely.And, no more topic descriptons. Just tags =/.Otherwise, I like BZP =D Good for homework procrastination and stuff.

Jean Valjean.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain. Sadly school made me read it, so I didn't enjoy it very much, I rushed through it and had to do the study guide etc. etc.And then, I just finished Of Mice and Men, by Steinbeck. Goodness, I can't remember the last time a book made me cry. The ideas in the book were horrible things, but the book, the writing, the execution, it was all so brilliant. Its a novella I definitely want my own copy of.

Name: AderiaTheme: PathfindingWord Count: 914Story: Someone's Waiting For You

Someone’s Waiting For YouWith Sam faithfully by her side as always, Camille placed her hand as carefully as possible on the cool wooden banister that ran up the stairwell, away from her. For an instant that seemed like an eon, her wild seven year old imagination ran away from her. It told her that this was a steep, winding path lined with thorns and thistles. It wound its way through a shadow-laden wood that was devoid of any sound. To reach safety, she had to make it through.She knew it wasn’t true, but the chilling thought remained, regardless. With her free arm, Camille hugged Sam close to her. He was scared too. He might not know that the frightening exaggerations of one's imagination in the dead of night were not real.“Don’t be afraid, Sam,” she whispered to him. He didn’t respond, and she wasn’t sure that he’d heard her. Giving him one quick squeeze with her elbow, Camille began tiptoeing up the lightless staircase.Be brave, little oneMake a wish for each sad little tearHold your head up when no one is nearSomeone’s waiting for you“Shhh, Sam! We can’t wake anyone,” She reminded him in the same ghost-of-a-voice whisper. Sam said nothing.They reached the silent landing at the top of the stairwell. The long hallway was only inhabited by blue shadows chasing blue shadows by the slivers of moonlight peeking beneath doors. The shadows had never harmed her before, but still, she couldn’t help but be wary.Glued together as best friends should be, they crept past the boys’ rooms, and then the first girl’s room in turn. The last door was their room that they shared with three other girls. These were the nice girls who had given Camille the bed in the corner, the warmest spot in the room.Don’t cry, little oneThere’ll be a smile where a frown used to beYou’ll be part of the love that you seeSomeone’s waiting for youGuiding the painted wooden door shut behind her, Camille had to take extra care that it shut, clicking into place as silently as she could manage.“It’s okay, Sam. Nobody heard us,” she assured him. He was worried, but he said nothing. His reflective, sad eyes spoke all the words he did not.Sam did not like living in the children’s home, she knew. Sure, there were friends here, friends to laugh with and make believe with. Those were happy days, they were numerous, and he loved them. But still, some of the children, they liked to tease and make fun of him. She knew this, and it made her angry. It was only some of the other children who said these things. But they were enough to turn a happy day horrible. They liked to give nasty little reminders, like how they were not found in a dumpster. How they had been dropped off at the home in swaddling clothes with flowers and a lovingly sealed envelope. How they had not been abandoned, naked and still slimy from birth in the middle of the night. “Abandoned for dead,” they liked to say. “It’s not true, Sam,” she promised him. Don’t listen to them. I’m here to be your friend. I won’t let them get to you. Her thoughts reached out to him.It was impossible to say what brought those atrocities to mind. Camille had stolen out of bed and down the stairs to quench the scratching thirst that had woken her. It was against the rules to leave bed at night without a grown up to watch you. Perhaps these nightmares that flew in her thoughts while she was awake, the jeering faces and cutting words, was some ethereal punishment?Always keep a little prayer in your pocketAnd you’re sure to see the lightSoon there’ll be joy and happinessAnd your little world will be brightCamille climbed into bed, and tucked Sam in next to her. His floppy ears tickled her nose, and so she tucked him into the crook of her arm. Settling in, she began stroking his ear that used to be soft, but had worn think and ratty over the years. Her fingers found the tear in the seam where his cotton insides were poking out. The anxiety from the short sojourn down to the kitchen had taken its toll. Camille had begun to drift off to sleep before she even knew it.Someday, she wouldn’t have to carry Sam with her. The loyal dog full of cotton and heart was a true friend to her. He took all the trouble she couldn’t comprehend and made it his own. And then he let her take care of him and his foreign troubles. It was what she needed to survive and grow, and he was happy to take it as his burden.One day, maybe not so far in the future, Camille could look back and see the lesson of love that silent Sam had taught her without speaking a word. It is the same lesson that all childhood friends, the ones with cotton and heart on the inside, teach. A lesson of friendship and sacrifice and family, taught in a way that should not be teachable. And yet, it is. Just one of the quietly amazing things in life.Have faith, little one‘Til your hopes and your wishes come trueYou must try to be brave, little oneSomeone’s waiting to love you---If any of you have seen Disney's The Rescuers, that's where inspiration for this story and the lyrics came from. This is the first piece I've written in months, apologies if it seems a bit rusty. Nonetheless, written for you. And the flash fiction contest =P I hope you enjoyed.

I'd be one of those Library hermits who advocates for a Starbucks equivalent nearby.

I review epics and short stories.And when I review epics, it's a bit sporadic, so I voted Other (please explain). More often than not, my reviews for Epics are for ECC and they're usually a once and done kind of deal. But reviews I do on my own time are once ever handful of chapters.

That's next on my reading list! I love hearing great things about it! I literally have it sitting in front of me right now =D

ECC Charity ReviewI'd like to say, just so you have a better idea of where I'm coming from, that I am not a fan of Hero Factory, and I don't plan to become one anytime in the future. That being said, I tried to cut you some slack when critiquing certain elements of your story. However, the bits of your story that I did feel qualified to critique, I tried to be especially thorough with.Now that that's out of the way, we'll start with the technical nitpicks first. I realize that some of these things may have been covered in your previous review. But for the sake of reiteration, I won't be editing out what information may have made it into both reviews.From Chapter 1: I personally think that the synopsis belongs in the review topic. Also, 'villian' to 'villain' Okay. So these two robots are thugs. Henchmen. Expendable, and, true to the stereotype, stupid. But instead of telling us outright that they're 'not so smart', show us. It makes for a better story. 'neuclear' to 'nuclear''raido' to 'radio'And now is as good a time as any to point out one of the big things that really bothered me about the layout of your story. The lines of dialogue, and their lack of spacing. Each time a different character speaks, it really does miracles for the appearance of the story if you start a new paragraph for each new line of dialogue.For example: Should look something like:"Nothing came up on the radar. We got played.""I should have known!" The two strong, but not so smart robots were intently staring at the radar on their ship, looking for further directions on where to drop off the contraband they were carrying."Now we're stuck here with illegal nuclear waste! What will we do? He said we'd get more instructions when we reached the coordinates." Suddenly, a dark, twisted voice buzzed over on their radio. "I did say that, and I always keep my word. Not that you two would think of it, but I had to make sure that the Factory didn't follow you. Now, go 13 parsecs toward the Nekron sector." The robots were dumbfounded." See the difference? It really helps the reader avoid confusion when they're trying to figure out which character is speaking. 'manuvered' to 'maneuvered''jetteson' to 'jettison'Another thing I suggest that you watch is characterization. Your villian, the 'dark, twisted voice' buzzing over the radio, in particular. You said yourself, he is dark and twisted. Dark twisted things buzzing, even if it is over the radio, is unprofessional sounding. Also, this evil entity's speech. I can't get a grip on his character. One moment, he is commanding and in charge, giving the two henchmen specific directions on where to go adn what to do. The next, he's spitting out unprofessional lines like "I need that stuff." It kind of ruins the picture you're trying to set up for him. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. What really sank the ship was this line. This is completely and 100% atrocious. Please, for the love of your country, do not do that again. Maniacal laughter, I get it. But typed obnoxiously in all caps and the fact that it's supposed to pass as dialogue? It makes not only the villain look unprofessional and undignified, but you as an author as well. Okay, first off, thoughts should be in italics instead of quotations. Because quotation marks are just that. For quotations. Its confusing to the reader. On a more important note, this whole paragraph seemed really out of place. You went from randomly exploding ships to a Hero with a fancy pair of binoculars? What? You owe your readers a bit of context here. Or at the very least, a break between paragraphs/scenes denoted by "***" or something of the like. The first example in the library that I found of this is found in the story Lick the Skyby Kakaru. These two quotes in the last paragraph contradict each other. From Chapter 2: This is not comedies. Putting sound effects in asterisks here just looks bad. Italics are all that are necessary. You might wanna work on that 'menacing' description. Red, green, spiky, tentacles, I'm picturing a mutant Christmas tree. And while we're at it, wow. Five colors in two sentences. That's gotta be some kind of record. Next time, though, do your readers and their imaginations a favor and step outside the generic color names. I found these descriptions, moreso than the rest, boring and flat. For the colors, I suggest finding a box of crayons, preferably Crayola, and drawing inspiration from there. Is this Pokémon? Because the sound effects that have a suspicous and utter resemblance to the characters name make me think it may be. And I do not approve. "Zakk used Thunderbolt! It's supereffective!" I'm sure that's not what you want your readers to take away from this patchy fighting scene. When you figure out how to speak aloud in all caps, please tell me. I'm interested to see how that works. '50th' to 'fiftieth' This line seriously has me questioning how good of a fighter Zakk is. If you defeat the monster once, you've defeated it a thousand times. Proving that 58 times over doesn't help Zakk improve/prove anything. Well isn't that just peachey. Not to mention, how is that even possible? Last time I checked, depressed intonations aren't punctuated with exclamation points. It just seems contradictory. 'laid' to 'lay' Really? The guys' teammates are disappearing like some R-Rated horror movie, or at least that's what I feel like you're trying to set up, and the most profound thing they feel is -worry-? Dig a little deeper, you can do it. I really hope you don't go making a habit out of ending chapters with obnoxious capital letter abuse in your dialogues. It looks horrible, to be frank. Not to mention this whole scene, I wasn't really feeling the suspenseful mood. But more on that later. From Chapter 3: Fragment (consider revising), says Microsoft Word. In other words, make it a complete sentence. You are an author. Your job is to lead your readers through your story with confidence and make their experience worthwhile. That bolded part of the sentence, it just doesn't click. And for the second bit in the quote block. Be realistic. Repeating something 17 times is just insulting and unnecessary. And the following bit where Doomsaw asks what the plan is yet again is just not realistic, I suggest heavy revision. Okay, nitpicks are out of the way. I touched on a lot of things about the actual story as well. But one thing that I saved for this section, it was a big one. The first excerpt is taken from your first chapter. The second is from the last chapter. See what they have in common? Unprecedented explosions. Now, as a sucker for superhero movies and the like, I won't say that I'm against explosions and all that jazz. But, seriously, they have to have some context behind them. The way you described your explosions, or didn't describe them actually, made everthing seem like a joke. Like a comedy story, if you will. Random things blowing up followed by insane laughter is something I just can't take seriously. I'm not sure if that's what you were going for, but either way, I found both instances unlikable. Another big thing I want to mention is description. This also ties in with the section above. Description, details, explanations, backstory, in a sense they are one and the same. So, to use the same example, let me try to explain what I think. First off. Your story is short. Not in the sense that there are only three chapters posted, but in the sense that all your scenes are compacted into brief, straightforward sections. While brevity and clarity are not bad things, there is also something to be said for the fleshing out of a story. Show the reader how things in the story play out, as opposed to simply telling them. People say that a writer's job is to tell a story. But a writer's job is to -show- a story. Think of it this way. If you heroically stopped a bank robbery and saved the lives of local civilians, would you rather hand the news article about it to a beautiful girl you're trying to impress? Or would you rather tell the tale yourself, with flourishing exaggerations and shameless showing off? In that same way, you should want to show off your writing capabilities. Make your story feel like a -story-, not a news article. So you told us that 'the two smugglers did as they were asked.' How did they do that? Did they have qualms about their course of action? On the way to their destination, did they have any conversation? Then you have the ship exploding. Now, I've already mentioned how distasteful I found that part. But maybe with a bit of expansion, you could change my mind. Did the two thugs have a handful of seconds to register the beeping of a bomb before they were blown to oblivion? How did they feel, what were they thinking, in their last moments? Who owned the smuggling ship? Did the two stupid thugs really own their own ship? I doubt it. So who did? And what would their reaction be when they learn their ship had been lost? Do you get the gist of what I'm trying to say? Show, don't just tell. And this brings me to my last point. Dialogue. "I think I know what might have grabbbed the science team we sent out ."Bolt and Swamper were checking out the site of the unfortunate incident that had happened earlier. Bolt was getting his harebrained theories geared up. Some of them actually turned out right, so Swamper had learned to at least hear Bolt out.¶"Remember that story about the Krokanus, that huge swamp monster with enormous tentacles that killed the whole team?"¶Swamper sighed. Another one of these stories, he thought. "You know that's a myth, an urban legend, like Bigfoot or the Abominable Snow-bot. Remember what we said about urban legends and myths?""Yeah, but I got to talk to the hero that who actually survived the encounter," Bolt said. "You know he was just telling a tall tale," Swamper told him. "He convinced me it really happened," Bolt replied. Anyone could convince you of anything, thought Swamper. Just then, Suddenly, a flock of Goki Birds erupted from the foliage and took off. "I wonder what scared them," said Bolt.Okay, so up above, I gave you a slightly edited verision of that dialogue. Watch the punctuation and mechanics you use when writing out your dialog. That quote is actually from a review that I received, and I found it exponentially helpful. I hope you make good use of it.I also noticed that you didn't tag your lines of dialog with who spoke which line clearly. There was no major confusion as to which character was saying what in the example from earlier, but in the future, I suggest avoiding any possiblity of confusion by adding that 'he said' into the dialogue. And don't take that completely literally, use a word other than 'said'. If you ask Google, it can give you a list of over 550 synonyms for 'said, which I also hope you make good use of.And about the actual word in the dialogue. To write the speech of a character, first you have to have a clear idea in your mind of what those characters are like. Who are these characters? How would they interact with each other realistically? To make the dialog read naturally, there's no shame in reading it aloud to yourself once or twice. It helps to pick out repetitive pharases, awkward wording, etc. etc.Anyways, that about wraps things up. Something I do need to applaud you on, though. In your first Author's Note, you say this is pretty much your first story, and you went through with posting it. Also, when you received feedback in your other review, I can see that you took the advice to heart. In particular, it was mentioned to space out your paragraphs, and so in the later chapters you did. Good job there.Until next time.

Biosteel Chronicles, reviewed.

Hello friend =3. This review is kinda sorta a lot overdue. But this story deserves a review, so better later than never, right?So anyways, as per usual, let's get the superficial nitpicky stuff out of the way first, then we can talk about the actual story.From Chapter 1: Forgot your verb ending there, methinks. The error I had highlighted on my hard copy was 'figure' to 'figured', but typing it up I saw that, 'a clock' should be "o'clock". Your verb agreement in these two sentences was off. Both of them should be 'had'. Or maybe you had like "She was grateful she was alone. She thought she was anyways." or something, then it got changed? Either way, the two different verbs read funny to me, so I thought I'd point it out. Mmm, this may just be a personal preference thing on my part, but I think that putting commas around 'though' would be better, since the word kind of splits up the sentence.From Chapter 2: Okay, this nitpick gave me trouble, because I wasn't sure if there was anything actually wrong with it, besides it reading aloud funny. I almost wrote it off as dialect or something. But when you expand the contraction, it reads "Was not there supposed to be more people as they headed west, not fewer?" And it reads better as "Were not there supposed to be more people as they headed west, not there supposed to be more people as they headed west, not fewer?" Or "Weren't,". Word choice here. 'twang', maybe? 'bad' to 'bag'. Another word choice nitpick, but this one kind of gave me trouble, because I know what you meant by 'worded'. But to use 'word' as a verb, this is what Google definitons gave me.So In this case, I think the word 'mouthed' or something might work better?From Chapter 3: Silly Grant, bells 'peal'. Paint 'peels'. =P Hey! I like literally just read the scene in Huck Finn like this, where he's trying to get in to a house, but the people need to know if he's absolutely alone and not dangerous! But anyways, and tell me if I'm being overly critical or anything, but were I in that situation, I wouldn't use the word 'reside' in my speech. Or even in my head. It just seemed like a really formal word for the occasion. 'stay' or 'sleep' may work better in this instance. Even though my Microsoft Word Document says 'suspiciousness' a word, I say that 'suspicion' would actually work better here. And also, you seem to be missing a word between 'into' and 'mind'. Either 'her' or 'the'. I'd probably use 'the' for the sake of agreement, since you said "Lately, it was constantly on the mind." later in the same paragraph, unless you want to change both to 'her mind'. Your couch is missing 'u'. ...Heh, its kinda punny! XD But yeah, 'coach' to 'couch' Looking up to someone implies admiration, and given the situation, I would not say that Sarah looks up to Delilah. 'Sarah looked up at Delilah' would probably be more appropriate. Missing 'a' between 'needed' and 'break'.*** Okay, so with that out of the way, now we get to the fun stuff =DI like your writing. That’s not exactly a secret or anything, I actually think it’s kind of obvious, but I see no reason why it shouldn’t be said again. You have this knack for creating real character within characters, if it makes sense. The way you portray your characters is realistic and relatable. Because of that, your plot and dialog, everything reads quite enjoyably. In fact, in my notes on my print off, when Sarah has found Joseph’s re-hidden gun, I have written next to those paragraphs, “Good internal conflict, very realistic.”As someone who’s been making the shift from Bionicle fanfiction to original COT works, I have to say, it’s really nice to see a familiar pen over in COT. And tackling a COT -epic- , nonetheless. I have to applaud you. Those are a rarity. But seriously, you’re doing wonderfully, keep it up! Since you’re only three chapters in, I really have no criticisms yet. If I had one complaint, it would be that this story doesn’t deserve to be drowned in all the COT topics about Minecraft and bronies =/Hrmm, I wish my review could have been more helpful, besides picking through for typoes. But I guess it’s a good thing, that theworst error I found was a misspelled word.Keep up the good work Grant =)

Hey. Guess what. I like this story. Is it really your first one? Because your writing style really drew me in. I'd love to read more from you. You see, I opened this topic expecting to just skim through another Red Star entry, maybe read it over bit by bit as commercials came on (beause I was watching Shark Week online), but I actually ended up pausing my show and reading it the whole way through.The idea of someone actaully escaping the Red Star is intriguing. The one complaint I do have is that this is so short. Yes, I'm aware that this is flash fiction and therefore it is not your fault. But I really think you should turn this into an epic. You dropped a bunch of original characters on us, and for such a short piece of writing, it was a bit much, although not in a -bad- way, par se. Fleshing out the characters in an epic would be good, if it's something you really want to do.Also, if you've got Skype, you should join us in the Ambage. Check out the Ambage Topic for more details, and we'd love to have you! =DAnyways, keep up the good work! It's great to see the Library getting more activity with this Flash Fiction stuff again! =)

1. What are the little things you do around BZP? Do you make MOCs? Write Stories? Are you an all-rounder? What?Write stories. If I could MOC or draw or do comics or anything else to save my life, I would.2. What are the little things you like about BZP?Lots of things. (see here for more details)3. What are the little things that annoy you slightly about BZP?Certain people.4. If you could change one thing about BZP, what would it be?Bringing back topic descrptions, getting rid of tags.5. Are there little things you do in your posts? Like using a specific colour, various emoticons or generally typing in a horrific font and a scary colour?Look at this. Does it look like I bother doing anything out of the ordinary for my posts?

Eponine was definitely my favorite. But I like being known as Aderia online, so that's what I stick with.

When I get to set up my half of my college dorm, I'm totally modeling it after your room. Les Mis, spinny chair and all.

The one thing I love about poetry is the freedom of expression. You wouldn't typically see something like that in a narrative prose story. The way the words and lines are put together, the author really hands the beauty over to the eye of the beholder. It's a nice escape from blocks of rigid prose. Anyways, about this particular poem, I really do like it. For one, it's short and sweet, emphasis on both short and sweet, and the fact that it's written from a personal experience makes it all the better. It's nice to know there's a lot of heart going into what's been written and shared. I really have nothing else to say other than that good work has been done here, and I think this (and your other poem) will start a poetry initiative in the COT.

roses are redviolets aren't really bluebut it doesn't matterhappy birthday to you

You know what this means, right? MASSIVE AMBAGE SKYPE CALL TO SING YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALL AT ONCE!! !! !! partyhard: