Steelsheen

The review for Journey of the Toa is posted! My apologies to Tahu Nuva Golden for the delay; my internet was down.-HH

ECC Review: Gathered friends, listen again to our legend of the BIONICLE. Sorry, that line never gets old. And neither does the classic story. I'm glad to see that you love the Old School years as much as I do, Tahu Nuva Golden. This tale can never be told too many times.First off, allow me to say how impressed I am with your spelling and vocabulary. I couldn't find one single misspelled word, and I read both chapters twice! I have to say it again: I am seriously impressed. Taking the time to spell correctly helps the reader immensely. Well done!I do, however, have a few notes for you with regards to grammar and story development. Since the readers here on BZP are all familiar with the story of the Toa Mata/Nuva, I know that they'll be able to fill in the gaps, but to someone who's never heard of BIONICLE, this story could be quite confusing. Vakama's long talk with Tahu is a good example of this. In trying to explain the masks, elements, villages and inhabitants, the Turaga of Fire ends up making a sort of list that isn't easy to follow. Other ways to achieve the same goal would be to have Vakama tell the story of Mata-Nui, or break up Vakama's long speeches with questions from Tahu. Remember that you're telling a story, and a story needs flow and rhythm.-from chapter 2 If you want to follow canon closely, the astrologer made it pretty clear that the matoran of Mata-Nui had sundials, not clocks. And the narration just before Vakama's line is unnecessarily broken into two sentences. Another way to put it is: "Vakama knew what Kapura meant, though no one else did." Again, little things can make or break the flow of a tale.- from chapter 2 It's really not needed for both Tahu and the narration to say that the substance is blood, and it will probably have a better effect if just Tahu says it. Also, there's no need to break up Tahu's actions and immediate words into different paragraphs. In modern English, a paragraph is generally five or six sentences. Try to determine where a complete thought begins and ends, then cut your paragraphs accordingly.- from chapter 2 It took me a minute to figure out what happened here. Tahu's line ("Onua, special delivery!") is placed in the same paragraph as Onua's action, which makes it seem like Onua is the one saying it. Little typo; I might add, one of the very few I could find. ;)Overall, you have excellent form, but the soul of the story is still a little stiff. Keep working on finding the rhythm and flow of the Toa's tale, and you'll have a winner.-HH

Stave 23 Macku and Kongu listened in stunned silence as the Rahaga told their story. Hewkii, keeping watch outside, could barely hear their voices rise and fall. These tunnels seemed to dull every sound. The Rahaga called Bomonga had said they were once part of the Great Archives. Actually, he had said this was the fifth level of the wingless insect division. As if anyone would want to visit tunnels full of bugs, Hewkii rolled his eyes to himself. If I ever get the chance, I'll thank Makuta for closing down this section... Right before I make him breathe out his ears. Though wary of the danger, he tried to focus on the story being told in the chamber behind him. It still seemed to belong to another world, to have more in common with a matoran bedtime story than reality. If it hadn't been for the tablets, he might have disbelieved even Gyet's claims. Number nine, I mean, he corrected himself. I only know him as number nine. If he should ever be caught, and reveal the name of one of their leaders.... He shuddered at the thought, and tried again to focus on Norik's quiet, ancient voice. "In the time before time, there were two great forces in the world, meant to rule it in harmony and protect the matoran and other races of the world. They were brothers, the spirits of creation and destruction, and neither outweighed the other. The matoran called them Mata Nui and Makuta, as they kept their true names to themselves. And the world was bright and fair - all the evil or ugly things were destroyed, and beautiful things created in their place. For a time, an age... Perhaps eons, it stood this way. Matoran knew no fear, needed no protectors, and treated each other as family. Then came the darkness." Involuntarily, Hewkii grimaced, as if tasting something bitter. Why should a perfect world go wrong? he wondered. Why would they give that up? "When exactly the thought entered his mind, no one can tell." Kualus said softly. "But I believe he had long since betrayed Mata Nui in thought; he was - still is - cunning, and never makes a move without careful thought. But the end of it was that Makuta wished to be sole ruler. The destruction he had so long mastered finally mastered him. He sent his brother into an endless sleep, and unleashed his own creations - creatures of darkness and decay. They could not live long, but he made many of them, and slowly conquered the outlying lands." "Quickstop." Kongu's voice cut in. "Didn't Mata Nui sightsee it fastcoming?" Pouks sighed impatiently. "Le-matoran never could wait till the end to ask stupid questions. Of course he saw it, air head! Where do you think Toa came from?" "What my brother means," Bomonga coughed pointedly, "is that no one can really say how much Mata Nui foresaw. But we do know that he created the first Toa, imbuing them with his own energy. That would seem to say he knew something was wrong." "Go on, Norik." Macku asked. The red Rahaga cleared his throat. "This city was the center of matoran industry, and the hardest for Makuta to defeat. Twelve Toa lived here, some of the greatest and most powerful heroes the world had even seen. For a time, it seemed Metru-Nui might hold out against the storm. But then Makuta turned to his greatest weapon - treachery. One of the Toa betrayed the others for power, and was in turn betrayed by his master. The only one to escape the massacre was a Toa of Fire called Lhikan. According to rumors, he was very nearly successful in creating new Toa to defend the city, but he too fell, in the end. Alone and unaided, he fell." Norik's voice broke and he was silent. Gaaki waited a moment before speaking. "We had arrived too late. When we came, the matoran had nearly all vanished, and Makuta was reshaping the city as he saw fit. Lhikan was dead, or lost. We hid, trying to devise a plan and find the matoran, but he must have found us first." Hewkii sighed, trying to picture what it must have been like, watching the city crumble around them. Macku and Kongu must have had similar thoughts; the chamber was quiet. But at last, the Toa of Air put his hand under his chin thoughtfully. "One thing I don't understandget," he said. "You storytold Mata Nui made Toa-heroes. So how come Makuta makes Toa-heroes here?" Kualus smiled. "Ah! That is what we would like to know. All Toa carry a small remnant of Mata Nui's own power inside them; it's what gives them elemental energies. But he specifically made them to resist Makuta's element, Shadow. Your very bodies should writhe and scream at the mere sight of him... But you Toa serve him willingly. It should be impossible." Macku snorted. "I still felt sick when I saw him." "Good," Bomonga approved. "That means there is truly some of Mata Nui's essence alive in you. But you still serve him, and fight for him. You are born and bred to the work, like a kavinika is bred to serve. Makuta has managed to take his brother's last gift to the world and twist it somehow." "How?" Kongu demanded. "Tell us how, and how to sick-cure!" Hewkii found his mind echoing the same question. "If we knew that, we'd have fixed you already." Pouks said drily. "We need time to work it out. You can use that time to find others who'll help us." Macku laughed sharply. "What island do you think you're on? We can hardly go to our coworkers and say, 'We want to overthrow the Great One; anyone up for it?'. You can't trust anyone here." Gyet finally spoke up. "And yet, if we don't, what then? Do we whisper the tale of our slavery to our children's children and hope they do something about it?" Gaaki patted the matoran's shoulder. "Spoken like a true Toa, young one." "Young?" Gyet gave a chuckle of disbelief. "I haven't been young for a long time." Gaaki returned the laugh. "And yet I am older still." "Enough old people talkspeech." Kongu said impatiently. "What sort of people should we searchfind, Bomonga?" The black Rahaga shrugged. "Toa, mostly, but any matoran that are willing should be given the chance. Choose carefully, but I think you will find that not many enjoy this dark place." Hewkii heard the tell-tale sounds of a Vahki patrol. They had stayed in one place too long. He rapped on the door to warn the others. As silently as shadows and swift as ice bats, the small group vanished further into the tunnels.ReviewNote: My apologies for the long delay in posting this chapter.

The review for Second Chance has been posted. Kudos to Great Grant and Zo' Tomana for their work!-HH

ECC Review Great Grant and Zo' Tomana,C. S. Lewis once said, "Literature adds to reality; it does not simply describe it." And I was so blown away by the thoughtfulness and flow of this story that I firmly believe you two have added something to reality. Seriously, the caliber of this fanfic is something I have only rarely seen. Your characters are well-developed in your heads, which shows when you write. Even though I don't know much about their backstories (as it should be at this point in the tale), I can instantly tell that you two do. The dialogue, especially between Excavate and Tomana, is generally well written, easy to follow and natural. Knowing your characters has given such a life and a believability to Second Chance.I did notice a few errors, mostly in the narration, and they're nothing too big. Actually, considering the length of this epic, you guys have very few mistakes. :)From chapter 1 - Corrected - It was a very slow, easy walk.From chapter 1 - Corrected - The prisoner, a Dark Hunter codenamed "Excavate" who came from the city of Sol on the Northern Continent, approached the Toa of Water. From chapter 1 - Corrected - ... just a protective steel helmet which had spiked... From chapter 1 - Corrected - "You said you'd make it short." Finally, the Dark Hunter looked up, his eyes gleaming a dark blue. "What am I here for?"From chapter 3 - Corrected - When they got out into deeper water - not that such a thing really mattered in a hovercraft - Tomana set a course and locked the rudder. Excavate trimmed the sails, catching a northwest breeze. (The mention of the Southern Continent was only cut from this correction because Tomana and Excavate argue about the direction later)From chapter 3 - Corrected - "Let me see one of those." Tomana held out his hand for a knife.From chapter 4 - Corrected - Eyes slowly dimming, Excavate found it amusing how at times like this - the calm before the storm - he enjoyed being a ghost to the world.From chapter 6 - Not sure exactly what this means - it almost sounds like two sentences mixed together.From chapter 7 - Corrected - Marow suddenly looked sad. Excavate couldn't believe it; she was pitying him.Kudos to you guys for taking the time to include your excellent vocabularies and realistic slang in the story. You do seem to cut your paragraphs very short, although that may just be your style. Generally, though, a paragraph contains at least five or six sentences; cutting the same thought or idea into two or three paragraphs can get confusing after a while. Also, be wary of using commas all the time. Sometimes, a sentence break ( - ) or a semi-colon works better.On a separate note, I was a little confused by this one part.From chapter 2 - I'm not sure if Tomana betrayed his team or was betrayed. Considering what I see of his character later in the story, I'm pretty sure it's not the first option. But I'm still not quite clear.Overall, I am incredibly impressed with this creative outpouring. You guys have done a great job of crafting the story of a Dark Hunter spared seemingly by chance and a Toa of Ice with Jedi-like powers. So far, my favorite part was Tomana tracking Excavate through the woods, and the ensuing fight with the matoran. I will definitely be reading to the end!-HH

You're absolutely right about the walkways; I did try to make the huts more spherical, but they then had to be so large, it was ridiculous. The huts in the game are small and barely hold the matoran's personal possesions. So Name Unavailable and I sacrificed roundness for believability. And we tried it without the glass in the windows, but we agreed it just looked like the wall was missing bricks - excuse me, blocks. So used to Lego Bricks... As to your last suggestion, the green wool we could do, but they don't yet have vines in the pocket edition, and this was made before the update. Thanks for all the feedback and ideas! Well, yes, that's definitely true, but I don't have an actual computer, so PE was really my only option. *shrug* Someday, we'll get the full version on a desktop and make it 100% accurate. :)Thanks for the feedback, guys!-HH

The Switch Mirror has been reviewed! Thanks for the request, Voxumo!-HH

ECC Review: Let me start by saying I'm sure most of us would love to wake up one day and find we're wearing armor and and a kanohi. But usually, having that plot be anything but an idle daydream comes out as cliche and boring. Not so with The Switch Mirror. No, you have somehow eliminated the idea that a human-turned-BIONICLE is not only impossible, but a lousy story. Perhaps this is because you have had most of your memories of our world erased. The resulting Toa has a single purpose: to complete whatever mission for which he was brought across the dimensions.Regrettably, your epic does have several grievous errors with regards to punctuation and capitalization. (though I pleasantly surprised to see that your spelling is mostly correct! ) And the switching back and forth between fonts doesn't help anything, either. I know, this is always the boring, depressing part of a review because I proceed to take that brilliant epic you poured your heart into and reduce it to schoolwork. But trust me, the worst thing that can happen to a good story is for a couple mistakes to cause the reader to shut the page. Rewritten:As I search my mind, I find that my memory has faded; I can only remember snippets of my human life. I don't even remember my name. Although, I can remember some general things about BIONICLES - the elements, what colors go with what element, what Toa and Matoran are, and that most people wear things called kanohi masks - but I feel lost and strange. Just then, a being emerges from a snow drift.Remember not to repeat the same word in a sentence too many times, and break longer thoughts into two sentences. It just helps the reader keep up. Rewritten:... and realized the webbing that held my right hand was literally disintegrating.At least, I'm pretty sure that's what you meant. Rewritten:"You may have been able to take out the lights, little Toa, but I can still smell you and your fear." This one took me a few times to understand, but I think I get what you were trying to say.Rewritten:Then, like clockwork, it dove towards the huge churning waves, but it leveled out just before hitting the water. I couldn't help thinking that the rahi looked unnaturally evil, and... was it smiling?Voxumo and Granato I found to be likable, believable characters, although at times the dialogue was difficult to understand. Personally, I think Nato was a bit too giving and accepting for a Ko-matoran, but that's just me. Break the stereotype; change is good! My real concern as far as characters go is Zakano. He's, um, shall we say, high volatile. Really, this is the first time I've heard of a Turaga trying to drown himself because he's bored. For a leader, a past Toa, and a defender of matoran, he seems a little on the immature side. If that's how you wanted him, then you did a great job, but you may want to rethink that angle.My favorite part of the entire story was the prophesy. A little tip of the hat to Vakama's visions without being overt or cheesy; I appreciate that. The actual words are a little vague and mystical, like a vision should be. And above all, they don't rhyme, thank Mata Nui! You do well with the mysterious and the unexplained - try to use that more often. And practice with the dialogue always helps; I act my stories out in the shower instead of singing. It gives you a feel for where contractions and slang should go. Keep posting and improving!-HH

My sister, Name Unavailable and I worked on this project together; all in all, it probably took us four hours with both of us building. We tried to make sure everything matched with canon, specifically with MNOLG2. And yes, all the building are floating. ShipyardNixie's hutHahli's hutNokama's hutShasa's loomOnu-matoran tentsGa-koro gateVillage overview 1Village overview 2All links are to photobucket.com.-HH

Stave 22 All three of the children stared blankly at their multicolored friend. The matoran who had been called Linkakae, struck by the shock of his memories, was leaning against the wall, panting. "You... You remember?" Keslin asked. "You know who you are?" "I don't know." Takua answered. "Just my name... Bits and pieces. Someone sent me to Metru-Nui... To be a spy? To... I can't quite get that part." "Takua," Jaatiiko said slowly, as if measuring the name. "That's not a matoran name, is it?" Takua shrugged. "I don't know." Leyana slipped her small hand through his large one. "Linka-- I mean, Takua?" she whispered, "Are you still our friend?" A smile broke across his mask. "Of course, Ley! I'll always be your friend." "Well, good." she said firmly. "I don't want you to go." Takua's smile wavered. "Ley, kiddo, I've got to go out there sometime. I have to figure out what I'm here for." "Can't you--" Leyana began to protest, but Jaatiiko cut her off. "He has to, Leyana. Like Hahli does. But he'll come back. You understand." His ice blue eyes gazed at his little sister with a mix of concern, authority and sadness. Takua had noticed the odd bond between the chatty girl and the quiet boy before, but there was something different about Jaatiiko this time. The little girl sighed and resigned herself, sitting down at Takua's side. "Okay..." Keslin walked over to Jaatiiko's side, still staring at their friend. "What exactly do you remember?" Takua shook his head. "Just a couple images, and a really old Toa called Helryx. And that I'm apparently pretty good with one of these things." He gestured at the kanoka disc launcher he had dropped when the flood of memory began. A sound of water splashing and someone panting for breath in the cave below their feet made all four matoran sit up straight. "That's not Hahli." Keslin whispered. "She always comes up quietly." Takua grabbed the disc launcher and jammed the kanoka into place. Carefully, he went to the entrance and pointed the launcher downwards. Keslin took a second launcher off the clip on his back and loaded it, ready to fire if Takua should miss. Jaatiiko took Leyana's hand and led her to the far wall, where both ducked behind the low couch. The intruder below coughed and gagged, as if he was choking on the water. "She couldn't send Gaaki; oh, no." he muttered. "Gotta be me, she says. 'Cause I'm less frightening, she says. They'll like you, she says. Oh, and it's underwater, by the way." "Stay where you are!" Takua called. "I have a level seven weakness disc, and I'm a crackshot." Actually, he had no idea what disc was loaded, but it sounded impressive. "And I have a face that would make a Muaka cry." the grumpy male below replied, though he stayed out of Takua's range of sight. "Look, I'm here to give you guys a message from your sister. She said you'd recognize this bracelet thing." There was a clanging sound as he threw a small protodermis armband under the ladder. Keslin crept to the edge of the hole, looked down and squinted at the district identification bar. "It might be hers," he whispered to Takua, "but she told me she'd make a little mark on it if she ever couldn't come and had to send someone. I just can't tell from here." "Cover me; I'll go down and get it." Takua hissed back. He jumped and grabbed one of the handholds on the ladder, allowing himself to slide to the bottom of the cave. The stranger jumped back at his sudden descent, but made no threatening moves. Takua trained his launcher on the ugly little creature as he slowly bent down and grabbed the armband. Keeping one hand on the trigger, he tossed the metal ring up to Keslin. After a moment, the boy nodded. "It's hers, and it's got the mark." Keslin climbed down the ladder and stood at Takua's side. "What in the Great Spirit's name is that thing?" "Finally, some cordial matoran." Iruini commented sarcastically. "Hmm, been a while since I've seen an Av-matoran." "Hahli sent you; why?" Takua demanded, ignoring the Rahaga's muttering. Iruini shook the water off his armor. "I'm here to tell you guys a little story. Can I come in?"Review

Stave 21 Hahli, now back to her azure Ga-matoran armor, mingled with the crowds of Ga-metru in the late afternoon. As much as she would have liked to stay and listen to the Rahaga, if she didn't check in with her master every second day, he would assume she was dead and simply replace her. The Toa she and Gyet had found, Hewkii was going around the city to find more Toa to help them in their impossible task; Gyet and Rahaga Norik were sneaking through Ta-metru to get Gyet's wife, and she had reluctantly given Rahaga Iruini the location of her family's hiding place so he could bring them food and news. I wish I could have gone, she thought, but he'll explain things to them, and tell them I'm safe. And as soon as I report to the Toa, I'm heading home. As she kept walking towards the section that housed the Toa, the crowds melted away. Matoran glanced fearfully at the windows of the Toa's mansions as they hurried away with their business. Hahli, carrying a large basket of fish, walked timidly through the middle of the street, her head low and her hands trembling, like a maha walking to a slaughter pen. She caught many sympathetic looks from other Matoran before they turned away. She pretended to nod and understand. Matoran! she said inwardly, in her mind's eye making a speech she knew she would never be allowed to give. For years, you have slaved, and cowered and lived in fear. But the Great One's game is over - we know who he is! This is our home, not his, and he took it from us and from our ancestors! He has made you worms in the dirt, and then chose some of your own children to become Toa so that they could beat you again! How long will you stand this? He thinks we are small and weak, but we have strength he doesn't understand. So fight for what matters-- She was snapped out of her daydream by being shoved into the gutter by a passing Toa. "Out of my way, slug." they sneered. Hahli shook herself, picked her herself and her basket up and shook her head. That's what I get for dreaming. Hurriedly, she ran the rest of the way and rang the bell on the most lavish skyscraper of all. After a moment, a Matoran answered. "Yes?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder as if he had done something wrong. She mimicked his frightened tone. "I-I have a confession to make to the Toa. And I brought a gift." She held up the basket. The Matoran nodded. "Yes, yes; of course. Uh, come in." As she followed him inside and shut the door behind her, he whispered in her ear, "I wouldn't do it today, if I were you. He's been so angry..." He pointed to his mask, which she now noticed was a little melted on one side. "And that was just because I brought him his a tray of food!" She shook her head and whispered back. "I'm one of Toa Selpa's housmaids, and I saw him... Well, I just have to tell the Toa!" "Alright, but don't expect to come out." he sighed, leading her to an elevator. "Top floor, his private suite. If you can't find him, thank the Great Spirit and just come back." She nodded, gulped for show, and stepped into the elevator. She hit the button for the highest floor as the doors closed and waved good-bye to the other Matoran. The levitation discs beneath the floor triggered and the room shot up the shaft. She dropped the basket in a corner and dug through it, looking for the object buried beneath the innocent looking fish - a red lightstone. Exceptionally rare as they were, Bomonga remembered a place in the old Archives under Onu-metru that had housed quite a collection of them. It would serve as an excuse for what she had been doing. The doors opened at the top floor and she walked out, heading for the Toa's study. She ran her hands through her hair, trying to make up for the past two days she had spent without sleep or a wash. She knocked on the massive door. There was no answer. "Weird," Hahli muttered, knocking again. He's always here or with the Great-- I mean, Makuta. "Sir?" There was still no reply. Cautiously, she reached up and grabbed the handle. The door swung open. The fire had sunk low, and green flames flickered among the red and yellow. Aside from the furniture, the room was empty. "Toa?" she called, walking in. Under her armor, a chill ran down her spine. Somewhere in the back of her mind, instinct whispered, wrong, this is all wrong, but she shook it off. "Toa Jaller?" A beast-like roar finally answered. She spun to find the gold-and-red Toa lying on the floor, chained. He struggled to free himself, writhing in his bonds and fire spurting from his hands, but for some reason, the chain refused to give. Hahli, half-fascinated, half-repulsed, dropped the lightstone and triggered her proto-blade. At the sound of the metal deploying, the Toa jerked his head up. For a fraction of a second, she was staring straight into his sickly green eyes. Then, as suddenly as it had begun, he stopped fighting. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. When he opened them again, they were his normal golden color. "Leave, Hahli." he said quietly, not looking at her. For the first time, she dared to disobey a direct command. She slowly approached, noting that his armor was bent and twisted, and there was blood oozing from one of his hands. "Sir, what's... What's going on?" A pointless question - she already knew the answer. The Mendarii. He has the Madness. "I said, leave, Matoran!" he said, louder. "This is no place for you. It'll come back." "I thought only the Toa who betray the Great One are supposed to get it." she said, shifting her eyes to the chain. Surprisingly, she recognized the welding as the Toa's own particular work. At one end, a kanoka of "increase weight" power had been meshed in. He chained himself, she realized. He moaned. "I don't get it. Everything I do, every breath, is all for the Great Spirit! I've given my life to serve him, and now..." Hahli retracted her blade and spoke softly. "How long have you been sick, sir?" The Toa of Fire sighed. "I don't remember anymore. I used to know; I used to be able to predict when it would come and get away. Now, I'm like a rahi in my own home. And sooner or later, they'll find out - they'll all know, and they'll think I was a traitor. The Great Spirit will think I was... I can't let them find out! I can't!" The green look flashed in his eyes again, but he forced it down. He trembled like a frightened child. The "Great Spirit" is the traitor, she thought angrily. He did this to you, somehow. But I won't let you die like this. For a moment, the words sounded strange in her head. Wait, why shouldn't I? You're a Toa, and you serve my enemy. You've sent me into places you didn't expect me to come out of alive. You've risked my life over and over again, and you don't care. Why should I help you now? She bent down, looking at the wreck of a Toa. A memory sprang into her mind's eye: an image of herself and Keslin struggling to survive in the cruel shipyards of Ga-metru. Of the day the Toa had come and ordered her to drop her tools. She had thought he was going to kill her. Instead, he had herself and her brother moved to his own house, and began hand-training her to be his weapon. He had saved her from that life of misery, and by extension saved Keslin, Jaatiiko and Leyana, too. Am I really that cold? she wondered. Am I going to just walk away? That's what they'd expect of me; Norik and the others. It's what I should do, to survive. But she couldn't. Because she wasn't what Metru-Nui had made her. "I'll find a cure for you." she said quickly. "If there is one, I'll find it." The Toa laughed bitterly. "There isn't. Don't you think I've looked for one? The best thing I can do is kill myself before I'm disgraced." Hahli weighed her words carefully, trying to both appease and calm. "I don't think you want to kill yourself. You want to live, to prove you're innocent. Otherwise, you wouldn't have chained yourself up. You saved my life a long time ago, and now I'll save yours." For a moment, the Toa seemed to tense up, as if he was going to have another fit. "Do not defy me, Matoran." Hahli jumped. The voice was not the Toa's at all. It was a dark hiss, a deep threat that would give a Muaka nightmares. What in the Toa's name was that? she thought, shivering. The Toa shuddered, and looked up at her. His eyes were green again. "This one is mine," the voice said. "No." she whispered, backing towards the door. "No. Whatever you are, I'll stop you."Review

Stave 20 Toa Hewkii gingerly smeared on a little more of the cooling salve he had been issued for his burns. Even insane and dying, Alkah's powers were no joke. His whole left arm had had the skin blistered off to the elbow and his right was hardly better. "Heatproof armor, next time." he muttered. "No, better yet, just report it to the chirpers." He used the slang word for Vahki. "Let some heat-resistant Toa deal with it." He shook his head, trying to banish the image of her glowing green eyes. "Arg! What is it about her that bothers me so much?!" He sat down at his desk and tried to type something into the computer, but the pain grew so bad he could hardly think straight. "Okay, forget that idea." he muttered angrily. He closed his eyes, thinking over everything the dying Toa of Fire had said. Like a spark igniting a flame, her words echoed in his mind: "Never liked Po-Toa. Always caring about what you see, not what is." "It's not something I see. But something that can affect a Toa's mind like..." His eyes snapped open. Of course! Something we all accept, something we already know controls us. But why her? He paused a minute. Why any Toa? We're useful to him... Oh, no. She said that, too. Great; am I going insane? Can you catch the mendarii by being around it? He pictured Alkah burning herself to death and shuddered. No, I won't die that way. I'll find some way to beat it. Or him. Or whatever it is. A soft knock at his door interrupted his thoughts. "Come in." he called, sitting up straight, refusing to show any signs of weakness. The door of his dome-shaped house opened to reveal a female Po-matoran wearing a Mask of Illusion. She looked nervous and bowed to him hastily. "Toa, please forgive the intrusion." "What is it?" he returned, a little sharply. "I-I'm here for my allotment of protodermis, sir." She glanced around, as if afraid Vahki might be hidden in the shadows. "My pass number is 163." He turned to his holocomputer and typed in a few commands. "Right on time, I see. I'll have the--" He turned at the sound of the door closing and saw the matoran was holding out a kanoka disc with a misshaped center. Instead of the symbol of the Great Spirit being stamped on it, it bore a single number: nine. He looked sharply into the matoran's face. "What is this?" "He said you would know what it meant." she replied. "He needs to meet with you, but he can't be seen here." "Who are you?" he demanded, standing up and hefting his axe. She didn't even blink in fear. "A friend of Gyet's... Or whatever name you call him." He touched the axe to her neck. "You'd be luckier if I just killed you now for insolence instead of having you handed to the Vahki for processing." He studied her brazen face for a moment. "Where do I know you from?" "You don't." she responded quickly. A little too quickly. I do know her... From where? She's not a member of the group, but she's using one of our signals? His eyes narrowed. It's a trap. She decided to change the subject. "Look, Gyet sent me because I know how Toa think. If someone just shows up and hands you a signal, you're going to believe it's a trap. Everything is, in this city. Most Matoran just put their heads down and try to survive. But the ones who become Toa, they meet the traps head-on and beat them. That's how you prove your worth to the Great One." "If you know so much, why aren't you a Toa?" he asked. "I have other uses." she shrugged. "Are you coming, or not?" Hewkii thought for a moment, then stowed his axe on his back. "This is not because I believe you." She rolled her eyes. "No, it's because you're a Toa, and you get bored." She opened the door, whispering, "Follow my lead." As they stepped out into the blazing sunlight, he noticed that she wore her nervous look again. "I promise, Toa, I can explain any questions you have." she said, glancing at him over her shoulder. He nodded, deciding for the moment to play along. "You had better, matoran." * * * The strange matoran led him to the top of a nearby canyon. The desert region lay spread out at their feet, and they could see anyone coming kio away. As they approached a rocky ledge, the Ta-matoran number nine stepped out from behind a large boulder. Hewkii gave the elder a questioning look. Gyet nodded in response, as if to say, "it's alright; I'm not a captive". "I'm sorry I didn't come myself to get you, thirty-five." Gyet explained. "But our friend," he nodded at the other matoran, "thought my Po-metru accent a little lacking." "I thought we said no more meetings, nine." he replied warily. Gyet nodded. "Something came up. We need a Toa's help." Hewkii's eyes narrowed. "With what?" "We need to gather all four of you first." the Ta-matoran replied evasively. "Best to explain it only once. Can you get the others together?" "I'll find thirty-four; she always keeps track of who's where." the Toa replied. "But why? Have we found another tablet?" The old matoran shook his head, a smile lighting his face. "No, even better. We found someone who remembers." For the first time in days, the Toa of Stone smiled, too.Review

Ah, ok. And sorry, windrider; the bypass was merely meant to be an illustration and will not happen again.-HH

I was working on a new chapter for my epic in the Library and I realized to my annoyance that the word filter catches words I had used in dialogue for my characters. And finding that where you wanted an insult, the phrase "cool dude" has popped up makes for an awkward paragraph. I realize we don't want people calling each other names or swearing, but is there any way to fix the filter so that stories can use the non-swear words?-HH

Stave 19 Toa Matoro watched patiently as the Onu-matoran fidgeted in their shackles. Every now and then, Wisitara would rattle her chain angrily and mutter to herself. He had already given them food, and most of the children had fallen asleep. Matoro looked up at the sky. Judging by the stars, it was about three more hours till dawn. "Tell me something, elder." he said quietly, turning his attention back to the matoran, "Why did your people fall? You had Toa defending you." Wisitara's face flushed in anger. "We fell because you killed our Toa! Because you have some sort of... weapon that made them sick." "Not all of your Toa are dead. Some realized they were fighting for the wrong side." he replied. It was not true, but he was hoping to goad her into a conversation about her people. "You lie!" she snapped, half-getting to her feet. "The Toa would never betray us!" He shrugged. "Toa serve the Great Spirit. The Great Spirit claimed this island as his. It was their duty to submit." Her face twisted in her rage. "Insult the honor of our Toa again, and I'll--" "You'll what?" he cut in coolly. "Murmur some new curse words? Your island - your misguided way of life - is over." "It will never be over! Not as long as we remember!" she replied hotly. "You may kill us all, but someone will always remember the truth. Someone will always know the story of how you Metru-Nuans slaughtered matoran like animals. Truth always finds a way, like a crawler worm burrowing through solid rock." He was silent, and looked away as if disinterested. In truth, his heart was pounding in his ears. Come on, you've got to tell me your history! This may be the last chance - my last chance to know the truth! "When Mata Nui made the matoran, he gave each of the six elements a gift." she continued, now more to herself than to him. "To us, the Onu-matoran, the dwellers in the earth, he gave remembrance." Now she looked up at him, her eyes gleaming in the darkness. "You say you came in the name of the Great Spirit, but we know the truth. Metru-Nui shut it's gates just before the Great Cataclysm. You knew it would happen, somehow, and you denied the rest of us the help we so desperately needed. And when you did reappear, it was to conquer us. You do not serve the Great Spirit; you only serve yourselves. You are a disgrace to the name of Toa!" "The Great Cataclysm?" he repeated casually. "Oh, yes; that would have been, let me think--" "Almost three hundred years ago, you piraka." she cut him off. "As if you didn't know how much you made the world suffer by your refusal to help!" Although Matoro's face betrayed no emotion, his mind was racing with this new information, trying to sort it out and work it into a timeframe. So the tablets are true; there was a Metru-Nui before the Great One. But why did that civilization refuse to help other lands when this "cataclysm" struck? Or at least take advantage of others' weakness? Why shut the gates? Why cut themselves off? "We did what we had to, to help our own people." he said slowly. Wisitara snorted. "I've heard of how your matoran workers on Litna are treated. You beasts would sooner throw yourselves into Karzahni than help them!" Karzahni. Another name he didn't know, but clearly some place that was not pleasant. "Workers require motivation, not false kindness." he replied. She clinked her chains again. "I suppose you think we'll all just start being motivated to work for you, too?" "I think you'd be wise to learn from all that remembering." He stared coldly at her, hoping that she would not resist when in front of a Toa who would actually hurt her. "When the cataclysm struck, we protected what was most important - our own people - and look where we are now." "It is a wonder that Mata Nui does not wipe you all off the face of the world." she spat, turning away. Mata Nui! The name from the tablets! Aloud, he said, "Maybe because we are doing his will." "He would never will what you have done!" she cried out. "I do not know why he doesn't act, but he will. Sooner or later, you will face judgment for your betrayal. And by the Three Virtues, I hope I am still alive to see it!" "Three Virtues?" He could hear footsteps coming near and knew his for time gathering information was coming to an end. "What are they?" he asked in a whisper. Wisitara only spat on the ground at his feet and turned. No, no! I must know more! he thought frantically, as the maker of the footsteps came into view. I can't come so close to the whole story and then lose it! The newcomer, an Onu-Toa on patrol, hailed Matoro as she came closer. "Look, I know I'm late, but me and a few others were told to dig a little way and see what we came up with. It was orders, not my idea. Ok?" "Since I've already done this much, I'll just finish the shift." he replied. "You had your orders, so you won't be faulted for being late." She hesitated. "Well, that's nice of you, but... See, my orders were... Alright, so I was doing a little research on my own. I thought it was Kija's job to watch this bunch tonight; I found out a little late it wasn't." "You were digging on your own?" he asked, quiet surprise in his voice. "I'll share some of the night's profits if you'll keep this quiet." she answered quickly, pulling out a large satchel. "Here... That enough?" He stared as she placed a few large jewels in his hand. The size and purity of the raw stones was dazzling, even at night. "I... I guess so." An idea clicked in his head, and he looked back at the Toa's face. "But on one condition." "Hey, you name it." she laughed nervously. He nudged Wisitara with his foot. "This one insulted me multiple times. I'd like to deal with her myself." "I get her out of the records, you take the body somewhere out of the way, and we're all square?" the Onu-Toa suggested. "Something like that." he nodded. She grinned. "Deal." She bent down and wrenched the the matoran elder's chains off. "She's all yours, friend." Matoro nodded his thanks, picked the struggling Wisitara up and walked away, heading into the hills south of the Toa's camp. He took care to avoid the sentries and the watchfires. Once out of sight of the lights, he stopped and set the matoran down. She immediately tried to run, but her old gears and joints could only move so fast. With a wave of his ice-pick Toa tool, he created a cage of ice around her. "I will not die like some wild rahi!" she yelled. "You will not die at my hand." he replied quietly. "I propose a deal." She tried to climb up the slippery ice walls, but to no avail. "I would sooner drown in my own blood than deal with you!" "I can help you. You have knowledge, I have a way of escaping this place." Matoro answered soothingly. "Knowledge of what? The mines? The land?" she laughed bitterly. "Or do you want to know the names of the countless matoran you killed today?" "Neither. I want what you know about Metru-Nui." "You're from Metru-Nui," she replied, her confusion temporarily outweighing her anger. "What could I know that you don't?" He sighed. "Just about everything."Review

Stave 18 Gyet, Hahli and the six Rahaga sat in a circle inside a forge that had been mysteriously abandoned a few days ago. The Vahki had left it alone, not seeming to care about the glass-filled hole in the floor, or the smashed masks and armor that lay in the ash on the ground. Rumor was that Toa Alkah had met her bloody end here, and no matoran or even Toa was eager to just get back to work in a place that smelled so like death. Which made it the only safe place in Ta-metru to talk treason. "And so, we fled here, to the last great stronghold of the great Toa." Norik continued. "But when we arrived, we found Toa Lhikan was the only one left. And before we could speak with him, he vanished. A sentient plant-thing was ravaging Le-metru, Po-metru carver's hamlets were being abandoned without cause, and the matoran whispered of some four-legged thing that left a string of corpses behind." "All this, in the same city you expected to find peace in?" Gyet asked, trying to sort all this out. Kualus nodded. "We six met in the Archives, under Onu-metru, to form a plan. Each of us confessed we guessed who was behind the falling of the city: the same one we had been running from." "Who was that?" the old matoran asked. At last, Hahli thought eagerly, a name! "He is the one who walks in shadow." Bomonga said softly. "Makuta, the brother of the true Great Spirit." "Mata Nui?" Gyet queried. Norik nodded. "They were not always enemies. Millenia ago, light and dark were intertwined and neither outweighed the other; neither the more loved. Always, Mata Nui was the creator and he was the destroyer, but once, they worked in harmony. But Makuta became prideful, and tried to hold both powers, creation and destruction. He twisted some things that his brother had made, corrupting them to become his. He wished to be the sole ruler of the matoran. He betrayed Mata Nui, and stripped him of much of his power... Perhaps of his life; we do not know." "But if you knew all this," Gyet objected, "surely others must have too, and tried to help! No matoran would stand by and watch!" He glanced at the Ga-matoran, and added, "Well, almost no matoran." Gaaki sighed. "No one else knew. And we found out too late." "'We'?" Hahli repeated, one eyebrow raised. "As in, you six were the first to notice? If this happened so long ago, wouldn't it pretty clear that one brother was missing?" Iruini laughed. "We don't look so bad when you think how old we are, do we?" Gyet's eyes went wide. "You're... you can't be that old. Not even Toa live that long." Pouks rolled his eyes. "We're obviously not Toa. When we failed to see the threat of Makuta, and came too late to save the Great Spirit, Makuta laughed at us and changed us to these forms. He said we would be cursed to live and see the ruin that our blindness had caused. Simply put, we can't die." "Not unless he kills us." Iruini muttered. Hahli stirred impatiently. "But what did you decide to do at the meeting? In the Archives?" Bomonga laughed bitterly. "We never got that far. As we were talking, some sort of sleeping gas knocked us all out. The next thing I knew, you were opening the hatch above me and I crawled out of that tube." "So he found you?" Gyet asked grimly. "Makuta found you?" Kualus nodded. "And is very likely the one now ruling this city." "And others." Gyet added. "Metru-Nui controls Litna, Antagiu, West Helikh and Everna. And probably Teran-Nua, too." Norik's eyes looked sad and weary. "So much lost, because I failed to see." he murmured. "No, Norik." Pouks countered. "We were all wrong." Hahli suddenly stood up and clicked open her proto-blade. "It doesn't matter who's fault it is! What matters is what we do about it now!" She looked at Gyet. "Please, I know I was harsh earlier. You know why. But this is our home, our city, that he's taken! We've got to do something!" For the first time that day, the Ta-matoran smiled. "Yes. Yes, we do. And I know where to start."Review

Again, it was just too rushed to give us time to figure out what happened, either when the masks became "sentient" or when they "died". (Which, come to think of it, was kind of murderous on the Ignika's part - killing other masks) The canon story skipped over so much of how the Toa felt that I find myself needing to invent it. And for the record, the "our-masks-are-sentient-but-now-they're-not" thing disturbed me too.-HH

Now, that bit always puzzled me. If they're not kanohi, (albeit, extremely weird ones) then what are they? True, sometimes they trigger at the Toa's command. (Nuparu sarcastically wished his mask would work, and it did) But then they (the kanohi) also activate themselves. (Jaller didn't know how to use his mask, but just instinctively jumped over the lava to save Hahli; Hahli got headaches that, come to think of it, never did lead anywhere... That was kind of just dropped) They're not krana, or kraata, or even that weird slug-thing Onewa got in his mask in Maze of Shadows. Toa should be weak without true kanohi on their faces, so why are the Toa Inika just fine if they aren't kanohi? But then, if they are kanohi, why are they squishy? I personally think this part of the storyline was just too rushed to give us any canon answers.-HH

Stave 17 Teran-Nua was supposedly a beautiful place. High mountains rich in minerals and jewels towered over the rugged foothills. The forests were filled with strange and exotic rahi. The climate was cool, fresh and clear. At night, the ice-capped mountains glimmered like crystalized protodermis. All that was now gone, as if it had never been. Toa Matoro of Ko-metru walked a land torn by the war, a place stripped of life. Even to his ears, the silence was deafening. The native Onu-matoran sat in their chains, silently awaiting their fate. Toa of Metru-Nui stood guard around the matoran prisoners. Campfires were the only source of light, save for the dim stars. "A glorious victory." a Toa who stood by Matoro's side murmured. "The wealth of this place... Think what our miners could do here." Startled from his musings, Matoro nodded. "The purity of the proto-deposits alone!" his companion, a Po-Toa called Vutakh, continued. "The discs we make in this place will be the finest in the world! The Great Spirit was wise to send us here." Matoro nodded again. Vutakh shook his head and laughed. "Toa of Ice; always so enthusiastic. At least you came out here; we'll need someone to catalogue things, and I for one don't trust matoran to do it. A scholar like you should work out fine." Matoro activated the lens of his Mask of X-Ray Vision, peering into the darkness. If only something were left. Some fragment of the past. Cheerfully oblivious to his comrade's thoughts, the Toa of Stone kept rambling on about all the work that could be done on this new territory. Matoro tuned him out and began scanning the captured matoran, searching for any signs of hope or defiance. The land is lost. But the matoran must remember something of history; they must know something we do not. More than a few wore scowls or rattled their chains in contempt. But Matoro's gaze rested on one who seemed more than usually angry. She was old, so old that her kanohi seemed to sag off her wrinkled face. Her fingers twisted at her bonds, as if seeking to rip them apart by her mere will. That one. Angry enough to tell me what she knows, and old enough to know history. "I said, where do you think the Great One will send us next?" Vutakh repeated, waving his hand in front of Matoro's face. "Hmm? Oh, right. Perhaps Ilkilen or Rame." "I give up." The Toa of Stone threw his hands up in the air. "Having a conversation with you snow Toa is impossible." "Ice." Matoro corrected coldly. "And when there is anything to be said, I will say it." "Like I said, impossible." Vutakh slapped the Toa of Ice on the back. "I'm going to go get some shut eye. See you tomorrow." "Good night." Matoro replied. Aside from Hewkii, he found the people of Stone too pushy and rowdy. None of them took the time to look around and learn. No respect for knowledge, too much pride in what they make with their hands, he mused, strolling over to a cluster of captives. A Toa of Water was standing guard over them impatiently. "Hey, there." she called, beckoning him over. "Can you take a turn watching them? All you have to do is make sure none of them squeals or gets loose. My captain was supposed to send my relief in over an hour ago, but he's probably off collecting all the stuff we're taking back to the city." "Certainly." He pulled out his curved saber and took the Ga-Toa's place by the circle of chained matoran. "When your replacement does come, what shall I tell them?" "Oh, tell her she was late and she's gonna hear from me about it." the other answered with a yawn. "Thanks." She sauntered away. Matoro waited until she was out of earshot to turn his attention back to the matoran he had singled out. To his surprise, the old matoran met his gaze and spoke. "My people are thirsty. We have been given no water all day." Matoro blinked. "Why do you ask me?" "Because I asked the Toa who just left, but she did nothing." the old female replied. "I do not ask for myself, but for the children." In answer, Matoro took his water flask out of his pack and handed it to one of the younger Onu-matoran. "For their sake, you have my thanks." She nodded stiffly to him. "For your own sake, you would sooner die of thirst?" he replied. "I am Wisitara the Elder, and beg from no one." she replied defiantly, half getting to her feet. "No, no, grandma!" a young male urged, placing a hand on Wisitara's shoulder. "Do not draw attention to yourself." "You have children who still need your care, Bentra." she replied hotly. "Mine are long since grown. I have nothing left to save except my honor." Matoro looked at her pityingly. "I understand your anger, old one. But you would be wise to heed your grandson's advice. Matoran native to Metru-Nui can be punished for things smaller than what you have said." Wisitara threw back her head proudly. "I am not afraid to die." "You will not die by my hand. I believe that the Great Spirit wishes us to make you our own people, and for that, a measure of mercy is required." "Ha!" she spat. "You invade our peaceful land, slay our Toa and Turaga, then expect us to believe that the Great Spirit told you to do this? As for your mercy, I would rather take bread from a Skakdi!" Matoro pounced on the word. "Turaga? You had a Turaga?" "Turaga Olmi. The wisest leader and the bravest friend I have ever known. You slew him after we had surrendered." Contempt filled her green-grey eyes. "What was he like?" Matoro asked. For a moment, she opened her mouth to answer. Then some new thought crossed her mind and she snapped her jaws shut. "I will say nothing to you." The Toa of Ice straightened and directed his gaze to the south, the direction of the city of legends. How many days before the Great One arrives? Two? One? I must have the answers by then. The desolation of the land will then only mirror the destruction of their minds. Life will be as blank for them as it is for us. He shook his head sadly. Perhaps he will even let an infected Toa loose to teach them... No, no, not even he would do that. For now, he stood over the captives, waiting. He clearly had greater patience than Wisitara, and the night was still young. She would speak again before it ended.Review