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Mushy the Mushroom

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  1. Mushy the Mushroom
    Okay, October Oldish Occasions!  Wow! What an existence this beautiful spiral of life is. I guess this is a hello, life update and hopeful return to this lovely internet homey. Trying to see if easier for me to upload embed IG content instead of resizing.  Which made me weirdly more okay with being more goofy on IG posting with main goal of it being for BZP blogging and likely only seen by around 3 humans, haha. 
    October art first, blobbyblogbog below it!
    The doll obsession did indeed overtake my October!
     
    WELL FAIL
    on me figuring out embedding.
    So Ugly links..
    So sorry.
    Does anyone know how?
    to please help?
    if it's possible?
    Me as a tree baby. I was eating the dirt from the rosemary tree planter!? And absolutely enjoying it! Baby Me cravings. Sneaking it repeatedly. Guessing that was a missed nutritional deficiency given my genetic glory. 8.5hrs. Small photo size, mechanical pencil, art fixative, watercolor paper. Done on clipboard while battling my broken body. 🤒🫠 Little gift for my mom. 💚
    First attempt at hammering/murdering 😭 flowers for dyed fabric, not yet sure what to do with this, but, yay Pinterest! I staggered outside waaay back in September to get these, thus shattering me. 😆 I haven’t been outside since aside from in and out for a few car rides. (Edit: now going to make flag decor for the dining room/my new little- soon-to-show-cooknook for this!)
    did I already post this here, haha?
    Culinary crafts! Older content. Spice crumb cake in my misfit sized cake pan stack. Chocolate chip coconut oil muffs with walnut & choc on top. Spice and sweet potato sweet squares, walnut chocolate pastry pods + brekkie granola rounds. Cheddar cheese petite pizzas, I was thrilled to figure out they fit in coffee cans for freezer storage. Olives feel luxurious. Light and fluffy butter loaves (actually oil because $) that were altered from a Texas Roadhouse roll recipe and this a bit stubby. Horizontal slicing to the rescue & flash frozen on trays as always. Grateful to have grabbed our four lovely loaf pans when we left. Oven Naan breads, a fan of the King’s (KAF brand) recipes I am!
    Random barely conscious to be honest foodprep and bakes for my mom’s meals. Also, a few “flops”-attempts at making recipes my body didn’t reject absolutely. Some were yum but not very pretty! I Apologize for your eyes. 🙈 Bakes on the treat trolley for fieldwork and fire starting family friends. Choc walnut for my mom, made sugarsub/free cheesecake for broken pancreas me! Peanut butter frosted nutter bars + gingersnap brownies for my mom. Weird colorful vegetable dishes everywhere because trying to for-dr document the diet and hopefully figure out what things are helping/making me more sick after years of starving and medical complexity. Figuring out wheelchair cooking wasn’t somthing I expected to be so complex. (This was prior to the past few months of my major kitchen rearranging. The goal was to make it wheelchair accessible with the free barn and basement supplies I could find amid major illness stupor/cooking, eating, then trying to survive symptoms afterwards.😂) *THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTENT HERE: Pic with my adorable tiny baby Alice-in-wonderland“dessert” spoon from the new set my mom ordered upon my dream request. She’s the best ❤️
    When your mom’s work gently demands a family photo and you initially are repelled, then realize it’s a great opportunity for family photos… AKA to let your happy weirdo show (?girl autism? Some day…we shall officially know!?)Life’s too short and sweet for taking oneself too seriously, according to me at least! …Sorry Mom and thanks for going along. 😆🌻 Featuring my mom’s green grandchildren, and all the normalness of our existence. Doll clothes, some of the human clothes, and wreaths concocted by me. Bee costume for another doll longago, yellow bloom circa 2021. Foam sheet Sunshine sign for pretending this thing was by design. I think these were in September or October, my brain is a bit of a shell from being this unwell. Regretting not going fully faceless on these because I prefer hiding behind my alien children 💚😂.
     
    (Wrote it bit ago/old info, but actually wore this for the 3rd total time today for a dr apt!) Wish I’d gone faceless- oh well, still surviving and smiling is a celebration!? Saltwater Taffy Striped Sweater! Which prompted plush phamily photos, of course! 😆 💕My mom’s weave work! Indescribable gratitude💕She just finished it, started the knit in spring 2022 for me! Shocking it fits, I’ve lost 30lbs since due to severe sickness. (Hoping such photos won’t highlight my facial skinniness🫣. if I’m honest I was fighting my own body for 4hrs on the floor after food ingestion on the day I photographed this. Typically it’s only a daily two hour post meal mess, now thankfully (desperate experimentation with my already owned Medication ). Trusting there is some higher purpose to this) Skirts and rose headband made by me prior, fur vest was a gift, glasses are just blue shades. Ballet shoes from a brief period of life when I was pre-diagnosed and tried excitedly to live, walk and move normally. Great for wheelchair use since not much need for sturdy shoes 😂. Shasta (boy baby Yoda)’s jacket selfdrafted & made by me for 18” dolls long ago, his deer sweater knit by my mom for another plush, and his tiny pseudo hat a random crochet by me. His corduroy shirt is actually a little sack bag, a gift from my mom’s coworker! Luna (girl baby Yoda)’s ballet inspired outfit is more 18” outfit stuff I made long ago. Grateful for unexpected fit!Mum (more than just a bear)’s styling my babyhood burgundy #winniethepooh dress, my childhood necklace + turtle bracelet + a ballet “bun cover” bought longago but taken for doll hats instead. Mum’s cape is actually a ballet skirt by me. #Toadstool stool a repaint by me. My new pink room has made me incredibly happy..even if I barely go up there due to being an ambulatory user of my wheelchair! PS I really wanted to make red dino & fancy ballerina costumes for my children to go with this, but don’t want to waste my tiny bit of energy on stuff for me. Update; Have worn outfit 1 total times when flung from my fungi forest for physical sig’ needs for social security. Hard to justify the “fancy” of it when 1 messy and forgetful homehobbit!
    Candy corn caricatures of my mom and I from the glory of random craft trash, discount Go Grocery Avocado hot sauce bottles,their random black bags as a backdrop, and electric tape eyes. Salt lamp gift from family friends 🧡 The heights are accurate when I’m wheeling, haha.
    My magnificent mom went along with morning-baked cookie delivery for friends and family. I tried to ride along for delivery, an almost unheard of thing for me to leave the mushroom kingdom at all , but nobody was home and I physically crashed too soon. My mom made the many treat taxi trips the next noon for me, for I can never repay she!
    @SPIRIT!!! May I tag to thank you overexcitedly with many virtual dance-a-happy? If not wanting to be involved in my weirdness I'll remove this! Thank you again for your genius! Every few-and-far-between human who enters the home sees it first thing and happiness it brings! EDIT:added the most important pic with their paper thank u sign sorry it’s shadowy/sunny bleached a bit hahaha
     
    The Woodermelon! Brilliantly named by a kind internet citizen upon viewing the original nameless creation. Many thanks to them and I must soon share with them. It has a baby now too thanks to more tree cutting, haha! My mom also finally finished putting buttons on the back of Baby Yoda’s sweater she made also two years ago! 

     
     
    Already posted on BZP but oh well, IG transfers! Small kitten of a forum friend! Thanks for allowing sharing! 5x7 from July 2023. I have lost so much memory so my own art is now surprising me, haha. 17hrs- was very slow and distracted this time and am so sorry for its resulting scratchiness! Honoring noble Bob. Pencil, mechanical pencil, and art fixative spray.
     
    Apologies if unwated tagging here-can remove happily if any of ye request!
    Shoutout to BZP bro @Bambifor remembering BZP birthday best wishes while I was barely alive! Thanks again! Coda (Anatolian Shepherd) 8x10” finished in September. 17.5hrs (mid medical episode art so snailstyle 😂). Pencil, mech’ pencil on watercolor paper. Thanks bunches to @otterfor allowing sharing (and for not minding lack of permission to pencil the pretty pet!).
    (I am trying very hard to remember which of these drawings I’ve already posted, so sorry I’m repeat posting from the edit-illnes-rabbit hole haha. Also for accidental screenshot in swipes. 🙈) “Graphite bites!” Things from my mind while fighting body for dear life -because clipboard power haha (and questioning my power to finish anything in such hours) 3x3 watercolor + mechanical pencil drawing. 5hrs. Birthday (fancy pilot?) cat for my bro shipped off in a before-made birthday bonsai box with sausage and squiddies because why not! ❤️ Cannot for the life of me keep up with where he’s living, so shoutout to him for tolerating 20 accidental sends of a creepy questioning GIF. 😂
    “Graphite bites!” Bunny Snow for Mom! 3x3 watercolor + mechanical pencil drawing. 5.5 hrs. Accidentally was eaten by a origami paper and paint-chip turkey for a tiny thanksgiving gift! And finally an opportunity a pop a petite present out too, a prior made Birdy ornament inspired by her on thanks-day morn ❤️And just of me trying to wrap stuff from the trunk of thingies I collect randomly amid struggling at self propelling on a weak wheel day. 😂
     
    Sorting content in an attempt to awaken from the amnesia of the past six month sick-stupor. Today is a good day, the best since another ER trip a few weeks ago (I have officially lost count of the ER trips I’ve made for new changing different issues over my life haha..and keep all my medical bracelets in a garland chain because in all things there can be beauty 😂)I give thanks {..} and send sunshine your way, sorry for spamming and thanks for tolerating me all 3 of you here. 😂❤️Big little things that made bleak days blessings back in fall ❤️ Our new aunt Jane’s kindness is too vast to explain. Bedding! Girl bedding, that unplanned matched my new room perfectly like all my childhood magazine dreams! (Hi from Mr. Mooseykins..yes that’s what I named him 😂) And her sweet seasonal sewing send overs. And a lilac rose from family friends certainly delighted my alien children! I have a problem with turning everything into hats, but perhaps there’s no harm in that? Oh, and my new NON-prescription mobility aid from mom’s store for when I journey to the top of the stairs on occasions rare! Tiny lantern to avoid insomniac wheelchair crashes haha. And my dream -doll size spoons that I daily use (?autism thing?)! Thanks to mom supporting splendid strangeness of my highly specific dream request. And ER fun in October. Those bed poles will forever be lowly worm.

    So missed it here since a lifetime ago in September!
    When somehow my everyday existence became a blur as I survived full blown falling into a rabbit hole without medical care (yet tons of prestigious doctors at Duke-who abandoned my case, ignored every near death plea for advice, said go to an ER-where the Mission hospital ER would discharge me, EDIT FEB 20 I just Google that place and found this hahaha (:https://wlos.com/news/local/mission-hospital-ncdhhs-report-details-patient-deaths-injuries-delays-care-asheville-health-centers-medicare-medicaid-immediate-jeopardy) still paralyzed and look at my limp body like I was lazy/wasting their resources and send a 7,000 bill that my cashier mom would try to pay ) and tried to retain consciousness in ER situations on a daily basis. Looking back at these months, it’s a miracle I’m alive. And my mom hasn’t absolutely lost her mind witnessing this. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it to 2024, I don’t think anyone did. I basically had accepted after the Jan 15 2023 stroke that I was unofficially on Hospice stuck on our couch and trying to make the best of it. In July I was tired of this, years of starving yet surviving due to my complex sickness. I decided to eat. Instead of controlling my symptoms by starving and waiting on Dulke diagnostic aid. I underestimated how severe the results of this would be, and am pretty amazed by the years of function prior achieved by miserable starving to control my diseases.  
    Not that getting in like 400-600 calories a day was much more than starving. Along with the daily 4hrs of fluid loss, writhing, hyperglycemia and that stranded me in a certain room that began to feel like a prison cell exactly 1hr after I dared bite into some delicious broth, vegetables, meat-or anything. 
    I was chugging two 2 liter bottles of electrolytes within an hour on the floor writhing…while my glucose was over 200 on no carbs while the fluid loss, LUQ pain, face flushing, etc raged. Every single day. An hour after eating, precisely-waiting to pounce on me. Clipboard art and crafts to cope while turning on The Frey Life videos on a shattered phone via YT. Wondering how other people live. Realizing how horrifying my own quality of life has been for years. Hoping to gain some insight on how human beings in a safe home life/environment on a daily basis live. What it even means to have a family support system. 
    There is a lot I don’t remember. There was a lot of lying on the floor, feeling possessed by some raging pain monster. Lots of being so weak I was barely managing to propel my wheelchair home alone. But not like anyone was there to help-my mom had to work or we’d both starve without having any social/family/medical support aid.
     
    In like, September, on a week so weak I was wondering if it was my last,  I rolled to the med drawer and grabbed my discontinued use Plaquenil for my UCTD, Undifferentiated connective tissue disease. 
    I started taking x4 the dose, 800mg. Have you ever been desperate to live? The daily GI fluid loss was cut to 2hrs daily instead of 4. My glucose wasn’t as bad. I told my good Duke rheumatologist and since then I've been prescribed 400 mg daily. The few  pubmed articles  I glanced at later support my positive experience with trying this- if I do have some form of endocrinology/cancer disease. 
     
    The horrors persisted, but more manageably. In October I got very excited and blasted Christmas music, decided to undertake doing a “real Christmas” this year in our new 101yr old family home! Because 2023 was the year of “home/life setup/seasonal decor totes/wow, normal moms have these things but mine never could”. So I started planning the holiday decor designs and working away on turning our old ornaments and junk in our Christmas trunk into things matching and new. I did a lot of ornament painting via the bathroom floor, (I have zero personal pride at admitting this, it kept me alive in such hours while unable to get ongoing medical care). . 
    My mom was trying to get me applied for Medicaid whilst the free-till won disability/SSI lawyer was still trying to prove I was incapable of surviving myself and needed SSI probably forever given Ehlers Danlos alone. My mom first applied me in mid 2022. My insurance ran out in January 2024 and my mom likely couldn’t afford to add me on hers at work. So we waited. I’ve been on Duke full financial aid for years, but also parent insurance deductible payment stuff and ER bills on them/now just Mom.
     
    Mom-She finally got legally divorced in October ‘23, so grateful. What a wreck.  Exdad still won’t sign over the retirement bit, or her mom’s inheritance car to her so it’s a nice lawn ornament, haha. The car on which he canceled the insurance on in late July-stopping us from driving legally, forcing her to buy a new old car,  stopping my mom from renewing its insurance it not having the title of it,  & stopping getting med help for me for the new daily ER fluid loss emergency. He didn’t know this stranded me into a life threatening crisis. He didn’t/doesn’t know this. I shudder at the scales of justice, so thankful to have survived it. So strange to me that someone like him would be sent a disabled child-He so often cruelly said to people “Did your parents have any kids who survived to adulthood? Bet they regret that!”...I have somehow, thankfully been one such personage surviving so far to this age, in spite of every arrow aimed at me. And found out in such situations there are endless ways to be personally happy-It’s an inside job! . I’m not even surprised any of this was done. Weird how you can see so much sadness it becomes easy not to even react.Anyway, sorry, hope it doesn’t sound angry- I’m not,  just the unfortunate events in a chronologically current recording.
    Takin' a drive, I was an ideal
    Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real
    Just something you paid for
    What was I made for?
     Some day those legal papers will come, perhaps, but tisn’t exactly pressing. Each time anything moved on the legal stuff it was a backwards breakdown stress spiral for my mom. I am grateful to say these horrors are now over, and things are much better!  Now we can happily go on living, as if certain people in life don’t exist, without being every sec’ reminded of it, each conversation being about it,  and go on enjoying that things are at last settled, safe and right. (EDIT: MID FEB ‘24: Car paperwork at last acquired, mom sold the sabotaged lawn ornament at last! Insurmountable gratitude!)
    Medically, nothing was changing except one day I got super hungry, ate a lot of walnuts instead of the just like 500 cal daily meal that nearly killed me. My throat closed and the extra bad face flushing again. The Epi-triggered and resistant “anaphylaxis” again. The whole suspect Carcinoid Crisis again. Since 2020 that ugly thing. ER at Mission hospital, 6 am. Oct 16th. I made medical info cards a week prior because I’m tired of trying to explain my diagnoses. This thing is effective (RIP privacy when sickness shreds the remaining “dignity”. I now have 3 laminated and take to appts. the dysautonomia diagnosis new since September tilt table test. ). . I told my mom to ask for Octreotide. My mom mistakenly thought my allergist had suggested this, told them so . He did not. This was my own research. I could barely breathe much less tell them this. They gave octreotide and my airways opened up. I went home. Allergist appt to rerun allergen labs to be sure, like 1 lab order from my annoyed primary care doctor for the fluid loss. Still not allergy or high Tryptase.

    So my good allergist (guy who found my tick bite Alpha Gal allergy saving my life so long ago), was like “yeah, still looks like carcinoid/a net tumor, especially given this, smart move on the Octreotide!” haha.  So I contacted him later and my good rheumatologist for Duke and UNC GI cancer and new repeat endocrinology referrals for carcinoid/NET tumor/Possible diabetic condition. And UNC approved my mom’s full financial aid application for me! So since I’ve waiting on those to get scheduled some day, a new GI doctor appt at Duke in April (I had to fire the one Duke  GI lady who left me to pretty much die after years of telling me it was surely Celiac disease and “just one more EGD, enteroscopy, etc”.) 
    I still had a useless Duke primary care dr 3hrs away, but we were unsure who to use here given the digital Mychart records needing to be accessible and making sure Medicaid would cover if I was approved. So I waited. 
    My high glucose raged during all this, I’d eat carrots or peas and it would go over 180. Tiny amounts of carbs sending me over 220 and half conscious symptomatically. I tried so many different foods, tried breaking it into two tiny meals to see if the GI got less angry, but nothing. So broth, protein, vegetables, and stevia seasoning became the mainstays while the glucose, face flushing, hyper thirsty, and GI episodes continued to rage on starving level calories. (Like 600 calories daily, robbed of yummy things). Meanwhile my frightening since-September 80-82lb weight just maintained. I’m 5’4”. Prisoner of war aesthetic going on there. Oh well. Alive!
    Thanksgiving!a brief bit about it, i’ll blog content beyond October later, just a general update trying to grasp the spiral of this! I’d barely finished most of the decorations for the day , got to wear the vintage granny clothes I adore from my new 80+ yr old mom’s aunt (weirdness of mom being adopted) and it was wonderful with my mom off-day. We watched livestreams from ActionKid of the Macy’s Parade while eating POPCORN in our new popper & putting up the new upcycled decor by me (later to be blogged). We had such good times. One of the best thanksgivings I remember. Actively FB messenger spamming my brother. Every holiday prior was just the 4 of us and major medically-dietarily restricted/we just didn’t do anything.  Also, prior, my ex dad hated the traditions, seeing his family at holidays, birthdays etc.  and my mom had none aside from her peculiar puppy mill owner estranged mother and prison brother. 
    So getting to celebrate “real family holidays”  in a gloriously nontoxic home environment is not something we’ve really experienced (except for my mom, as a child) before. It was a dream. I finally don’t feel unsafe 24/7! Near heaven! The 2022 thanksgiving prior I tried to pull out our old Xmas decorations but just cried instead over the shambles of our lives. 2023 thanksgiving was a DREAM. We are actually very much recovering and learning to live. If we’re all still around next year, I think it may be ever better! 
    I decided to make a traditional thanksgiving dinner, immediately freezing some dishes for Christmas. Decided to eat tons of whatever and everything I wanted that day, even if I went into a coma. That went SO badly hahaha. I took extra plaquenil. No regrets. Totally threw up. Eating is torture but so worth it.Would do again. I felt so alive, it’s so nice to eat with other people. I had no idea how poor not being able to eat together makes the  “quality of life”. Wrote a disturbing song in the stupor that followed that I’ll later repost, hahaha.
    And then after that Twas all out Xmas mode-still…Making some rushed decor, decorating the new old hold for the first time, trying to color theme each room!, lots and lots of cooking and baking! Pinterest recipe bliss! Planning excitedly for my brother to visit after not being able to for a year. The first time the home wasn’t even fully renovated and we didn’t do much of anything, decor or food wise. This meant unplanned renovations and rearranging of the kitchen to be more disabled/wheelchair friendly to reduce my suffering,haha. 
    The “Cook Nook” was evolving- my cozy cottage closet wheelchair workspace! Such kitchen shuffling. Still a work in progress. (EDIT FEB ‘24..Done!)My mom getting me an instant pot has massively helped me given my inability historically and now especially to stand long at the stovetop. Need to take updated pics and add to this.  Also, I am relearning how to cook via food scale using mostly metric, for ease, fewer dishes, and nutrition calculations. Thanks to King Arthur Flour recipes for encouraging this. I am relearning how to calculate the servings/nutrition on my own recipes and all recipes once again (one day I won’t have to Google nutrition on 3oz raw “x” every time). I did this from 2017-2020 (post severe food allergies + ingredient label checking drama, PICU, hospital) as per my illness and appetite never existed,  and I was scared I’d accidentally lose weight and almost die again. Then in 2020 I just became major sicker, unable to eat enough for a normal creature to live, started gaining weight, then the celiac train wreck began. So all this nutrition content stuff is major Deja Vu. 
    Sometime in December? We found out I got approved for Medicaid , and now it appears to be because the US government has officially accepted that I am disabled/useless in working society. I am so grateful and honestly cannot believe it. It seems like I may not have to show up in virtual SSI court in March now for the disability lawyer to “prove I’m disabled” from showing my medical records that the government already has. (EDIT FEB ‘24: Virtual court date is a day after my b-day, perhaps I can control symptoms enough to eat cheesecake & take sickness a day prior if I completely dehydrate, haha? Yolo or no? )
    So in December the try for local primary ensued. My mom is doing all the paper and scheduling work as usual (cannot Adult). I went to one nice doctor on December 7, broke down crying weirdly over my situation (normally numb to the chronic near death experiences). She was amazing, but couldn’t accept me-I needed an internal Med-Ped doctor to “accept my case” as I was “too medically complex”.  Mom’s Hunt ensued, I got an appt. in the UNC based local system that linked with mychart & their better ER 30 mins away. 
    I went to their ER for labs/my chronic emergency level fluid loss and malnutrition on Dec 13, like: “hi I have no primary care yet please help.” 
    That was useful, hadn’t had labs since September. They’re all rough as one would expect, but I’m managing to keep my electrolytes acceptable with salt cravings, bullion and lemon water. 
    Basically: The internal primary care appt. Finally came! It was, to my horror- a male doctor. I vowed to never have another given a few terrible experiences with them due to my age, gender and being underweight (as if I chose this nightmare-then I blame myself for it,  though it’s not something I can control/fix.). which had been up a full day prior so was very out of it. The ER  labs were useful for them, too. The intern doctor had an intern too, who was very nice and shockingly interested in my load of recent medical notes and since July daily recording diary of my food fluid, med and intake and vitals timebook. The book I made out of desperation trying to figure this out or find someone who could. Shockingly, they gave good advice and accepted my case!  They understood Ehlers-Danlos, amazingly. They asked what I wanted to start on, I begged for help on eating and drinking. He said the human body can process ~20g protein per two hours for muscle building/retaining, and with my weight & intake tolerance being so low I definitely had muscle wasting (I, who only ate 4 slices broth and bread daily-for over two years while desperately waiting on Duke GI doctors to figure out this wasn’t celiac and why food made me so sick). Apparently ill & old people die from bowel necrosis due to muscle wasting in situations like mine. No other doctor ever mentioned lacking protein or muscle wasting making everything worse. Duke doctors gave no aid aside from “I can send you to a dietician if you’d like it”-as if generic advice would aid the unmanageable food reactions. Also, male Dr was awesome not a nightmare. AWESOME. He saw my real actual email which literally contains Sarasbabyducks given my past pets, and he saw that& was like EPIC I RAISED RUNNERS, what breed did you have? Beautiful carcincle Muscovy, Ancona and Pekin were so loved by wee me. Given struggling to verbally communicate my mom also 2nd visit was like “we think she’s autistic- and my doctor IS FORMALLY DIAGNOSED and told me this!? I also found his IG sand apparently is into alternate herbal things & didn’t roast us for desparate experimenting!
    The new doctors don’t know why my glucose is crazy high, and said I was allowed to try carbs with the high protein and see what happens/monitor it.They also bumped the UNC endocrinologist referral up for Carcinoid/NET tumor/possible atypical diabetes and scheduled a six week later progress check-this is unheard of in my life to have ongoing medical follow up, help, or doctors who genuinely care if I live or die. I am so grateful. 
    I also got clearance on my plan to eat YUMMY HOLIDAY FOODs during Christmas week when my bro came and not monitor vitals/anything!  So prior to bro visit,  I embarked (cautiously so Christmas plans wouldn’t be ruined by me being sicker) eating at least 20g x3 daily and increasing my foods/trying some fruits/vegetables I normally get hyperglycemic from.  Shockingly my glucose and GI episodes improved some. It’s so hard initially to learn how much protein’s in what. Then Christmas! The so longed for first real family Christmas in the new old home, fully renovated! Bro came a day later than hoped (traffic), but made it on Xmas eve night! I’ll later blog of it! On Xmas week I tried to eat all the yummy foods unrecorded, mostly! It was a delicious disaster haha. Been Still recording glucose x3 daily, but thankfully not fluids or blood pressure now. That was tons of exhausting work, especially when barely functioning already. Getting back to the protein!...
    This concludes the illness fog written content mostly from goodness knows when! Free to frolic on to editing the somewhat later project photos as a hopeful attempt to reawaken my brain from months of hours-daily medical meltdown endurance without local care access. Grateful to be in this beautiful world, for my mom, Medicaid approval, new Internal Med doctors, and the few pretend friends who perhaps, for some reason, are kind enough to read the ramblings of a happy hermit, sick lunatic. 
    This is where I stopped writing, haha. 
    Current tiny update February ‘24, I’ll fill in gaps later if I get the chance!: Jan. 2 I started some alternative herbs and medications my mom had been considering, given doctors not helping and time running out .Things supported by scientific papers and research, a hopeful cure if carcinoid tumor/pancreatic cancer. 3 herbal pills and 2 fluid meds. My glucose at least is starting to markedly stabilize (FEB update)! Supposing it’s the combined CBD, my DIY-not-to-die plaquenil, tumeric and berberine along with the other high powered liquid thing? The hours of horror fluid loss GI wise are harder to survive as I’m trying to eat more-some days I got in 1000 calories-a miracle for me.  I was in the new awesome UNC ER again Jan 13? after eating in a restaurant for the first time in 6 years-a glorious event for me to leave the home at all! For a funeral of my honorary granny. Backed up to my ribs despite chronic fluid loss-surprising and why it’s like glass shards in ribs when eating or drinking often. I’ve been out of it since and barely able to eat given my GI being badly broken, now require a new old people med device to somewhat more safely stay home alone, but now, mid Feb, feel like I’m coming out of the fog. No regrets, the restaurant was delicious! And now I’ve local GI care from UNC helping & as I write this current bit I’m leaving for my first combined colonoscopy & EGD done simultaneously later today. 6? EDG & enteroscopies and one colonoscopy at Duke from 2021-23. Issues found but no helping. Hoping they aren’t scared to fully sedate me here, haha. That only other 2022 Duke colonoscopy..Then the guy just blamed me for being too skinny, and was unable to find anything structurally, not being able to complete the procedure fully. I was half conscious and in pain screaming, when supposed to be all out anesthesia’d. Extra fentanyl this fine day of February, please! Also weirdly, my parent's equitabled distribution disaster was precisely 1 year ago today-When DVPO exdad dumped all my old & future medical bills on my former homeschool medical mom & attempted to take everything, almost suceeding after we were forced to flee homeless in 2022 to survive him. No support financially, what is mythical alimony and good lawyers? My mom having horrible mental breakdowns. Why exdad. I almost wheeled then walked out into traffic after this, no one in my life has ever made me feel more worthless and like a burden for breathing the air. How can one cope with being a burden to their own mother? This was post Jan 2023 no-med care post stroke when I could barely move, drink, swallow, eat or talk. Home alone surviving on the couch with a pencil in my hand giving me the will to try to “live to give, live to love” in little ways-if nothing more on earth I could say for.
    Turns out I'm not real
    Just something you paid for
    What was I made for?
    But somehow, we stuck together and smiled after the storm. So grateful she got her mother's ex-puppymill and land, a little lumpsum, and we have blessed freedom!
    Anyway, tis all my bitty remaining brain cell can summon at the moment! Life is honestly improving so rapidly this year it’s dizzying! Being able to even blog a bit (even if a bit off-balance) is proof of this! local good drs, hope to survive/cure the one thing, getting to often enjoy family meals with my mom-never allowed historically ( medical and family toxicity situations), finally finishing the few leftover home renovations, the first year she’s fully divorced finally and mostly financially in an area of safety! I’ve dubbed it the year of (my mom’s) Julie’s Jubilee with laughable glee! And I’ve given the home and acres around it a loving dub of “Misfit Meadows” I am indeed making a sign for our front room, haha! So weird to be allowed to be in a home so happy!
    I absolutely apologize/will edit if it’s not allowed to be so real here,  or if this content isn’t BZP friendly. And for photo embed fail pleasehelp? I have no perspective on what it's like to live as an ordinary person or how rules apply here. ‘Appy impaired unaware alien here. Virtual hugs to all, tis all! Missed blogging in the BZP beauty where I can be a misfit with so few openly judging me for the fairytale ramblings, thanks to all thee! 
    "Think I forgot how to be happy...
    ..something I can be!"
     
  2. Mushy the Mushroom
    OoOoh, sweet September salutations! Fantastic Fall to all! 
    Where to start? Is it being to real to reveal that I’m blogging from the floor? It basically became the disabled diaries here somewhere.apologies to all if I’m too real/honest and for my punctually pitiful proofreading. 

    Oh well, of current creativity I come to tell! 
    “You are literally Buddy the Elf” 
    ~my mom’s reaction to what I do while she’s at work.
     
    Watermelon! From when my mom had to pay for tree removal due to their closeness to the home. I asked for the slice of tree, she kindly hauled  it to the basement for me. Leftover house paints and mixes, leather jacket seeds. Now all-season shelf porch decor. Melons are Luna & Shasta attractant, apparently. 

    Do you truly love your brother unless you visually yell at him (translation: excessively photo spam) him at all hours about your shenanigans?
     
     
    My slightly sloppy hanging of my Tangled +Baby Yoda 2021 dress, done for the upstairs hall wall. Clothes gently embroidery thread tied to base. From the leftover plastic from the display-dustoff covering my wings recently. White base is an old fleece throw, coversewn in an extra sheet, hung with mini-nails.
     *the only context in which I shall get my nails done* 

     
     While bad blood pressure bumbling about I made some fall decor starting September 1st! *Vince guraldi trio jazz echoing about* inspired by me actually being forced to leave the home (doctor visits, hotel stay overnight, thus frolicking in Target and hugging every weighted plushy I could see with glee) and seeing fall stuff. Fall frolic frenzy for my mom who never had any decorations before! So many things she’s never had, like adequate house things, being unable to access the family bank account prior due to oppression. Onto a new era, where she is the queen! Still somewhat in the zone of making stuff for the home as this one was Full of Nothing. Especially exciting because my mom adores fall and Thanksgiving the most. She mourned the overlooked holiday, last year was tough, and twas time for a change! Have to chase those sunny spots of life, the sweetness through the spice! 

    I have come to realize I’ve made our home look like a children’s library! Or an elementary school?. Do they look like this? UNC children’s hospital-school did decorate beautifully and I loved it. School there was great, 2 hours of Real work. And more often the more exciting options of: “a storyteller is here”, or  “a bird man has brought you all owl pellets and has an owl with him” or “an elusive, actually employed marine biologist has brought live sea creatures to pet” or “a traveler has brought a giant circle of African drums ready to be played” or “art teacher invites all to draw a cartoon turkey” or “headband making event on floor 6!” “want to go check out the library on the 7th floor?” These amazing souls made my hospital-hostage situation unbelievably happy 🧡For the record, they let me keep my owl pellet bones  (Sorry, nurse Danielle, if you’re out there..for you having to touch them..) and they are in our Lindt truffle Christmas ornament to this day. Leetle mouse skeletons. In a plastic bag though, I’m not a barbarian. 
     
    Little frying pans for the alien children (mom bought measuring cups, they look too much like cast iron not to borrow for photos!) Aunt J’s hand me down blanket, little beanie baby ferret, pillow swaddled in aunt X’s orange scarf gift. 
    I save all the greeting cards for recycling, this wreath was on one and laminated + little leaves. Masks saved and laminated from last year’s Amazon toy catalog. Must keep my Children clothes in trash, of course.  

    Pumpkins posted prior by the wood stove.  
    Extra carpet tiles from N&W/renovating saved for a fall rug color pop.


     
    I was last monthish years old when I realized the point of pillow covers we so they could be seasonally switched out. I had NO IDEA! 
    Pillow covers made from pumpkin colored jersey sheet & matching Macra lace swatches. Now my mom can match the pillows when wearing the recent macaroni-necklace-quality dress as all normal humans aspire to. Buttons from grandmother’s old shirt. 
    Pillowcase and Aunt X’s gift scarf strewn over furniture shoulders for color!


     
    Laminated leaves! Library vibes! Did not have a plan as usual and happy happened. Mid falling asleep I had an epiphany (to me): Cut up the vanilla (translation: Manila) envelopes into print paper dimensions and print monochrome maple leaf outlines on them! MS paint to the rescue. Worked happily, I added leaf veins on the backs with a sharpie. Then I found wrinkly orange tissue and got to chopping some from that, each with one simple center thread noodle. Cut, cooked & cut. 


     
    The plumbing supply barnfind pumpkin from last year, & lil handmade leather returns. 
    Wreath gold chain add-in because ideas were not flowing. 
     


    Smol doll made by a wee-me as a stocking stuffer for my mom. Redressed in clothes made for my Lammily doll long ago. The company that stole my photos of my kid-created doll fashions I posted from my mom’s account (I often disclosed this because people kept trying to buy my creations), in a fan-made handmade Lammily FB group. And used the photos in ads on their foreign distributors’ doll buying sites. I accidentally discovered this myself by going on their worldwide distributor’s site to see if new releases were up in other countries first. I was shocked to find my doll photos & fashions all across them, along with a few other members’ and Etsy sellers. I, confused and crying, publicly exposed this on the group. Then the Lammily designer himself, his family members, and his PR/salesperson all joined the group suddenly and began posting. Fans were furious. I, an oblivious kid creator, busted the crowdfunded Lammily company by chance. For stealing children’s doll photos. My awesome brother wrote a cease and desist letter and we sent it. The stealing stopped and the photos were removed. The creator and their gang still stalk that group to this day. This kind of ruined the doll I’d once loved for me (I even rerooted my 2 dolls’ hair with Saran doll hair, one tiny strand at a time. The original hair was so poor quality and became a frizzball), but I had dreamy design times with her over many insomnia-sick nights, and learned from experience why people use watermarks on their photos! Maybe one day I’ll drag out some of those miniature project pictures/or retake and post here. This was how I first got into leather shoemaking, just 1/6th scale. Then Alpha-gal allergy hit months later and we had to pack up all my leatherstuff. 

     
    Had a scrappy carpet tile, turned into a twisty stick tub with pumpkin beady tuft thing. 
    Because that’s what you do in Fall. You home-alone wheelchair down by the creek, hand yank fine vines off a shrubbery, get your wheels mighty stuck in a hole, and ultimately end up unsteadily staggering back up the hill pushing the sticks in your chairseat-like you are simply a forestfairy godmother taking them on their sunny midmorning stroll. 🧡

     
    Hummel shelf got a little late-year love. Impromptu invented some laminated hangings from an ad for plates in the pie-covered magazine, Vanilla envelopes + back mosaics from a greeting card I couldn’t part from. 
    First attempt at wreath (base) weaving from trees/branches. 
    Yew tree cones, wirebound feathers saved from when we had to wing-clip our Golden Comet hens (neighbor was not a hen-friend) to immobilize them. 

    Cannot believe these wreaths are free from trees! Thanks to my mom wheeling me out and chopping stuff down for me before I  hysterically had to flee from this one wicked hornet-bee. Why were these creatures given extra legs, stingers, AND wings? Terribly unfair. She cut down so much and I nearly collapsed in my chair out there trying to make bunches of wreath bases for all upcoming holidays, not wanting the dear trees to go to waste. She promised there will be others, but is this true outside of summer? 
     I got this far before wilting entirely. It’s hopelessly 1000mph enthusiasm at any project I’m into.

     
    Acorns & Kaya. Thankful for all the tiny pinecones about the acres here! 
     

    Oh! The sunflower wreaths! Van Gogh vibes! I got hopelessly unplanned obsessed with Fall-ing things for my mom and this happened.
    Quick crochet with a chubby hook.9 petaled and 9 per wreath. Soaked in Elmer’s and wood glue diluted and dried to stiffen (after turning my fingernails yellow using the last bottle bits of experimental Wood Hardener on them without gloves. I was out of glue, in the basement floor and too tired to care about caution. It worked well but I ran out of it!)  Twist tie attached . Base is a ring cut from extra carpet tiles that I wrapped in ½-⅝”  strips of shower curtain fabric. Barnyarn hung.


     

    (Random honeywand made for a doll's bee costume long ago).
    *You Are My Sunshine song on repeat for effect* 


     

    Oh! And a little photo size sketch of my bro in Octo’ 1999 for my mom, also. 5.5hrs while in sick stupor, on a clipboard, in a car. Anxious to get obsessed with drawing again, I cannot be a bit balanced! A billion beautiful things to do!

    Autumn arbor from cake holder box cardboard circles and covering in PUL fabric, cork from my shoemaking stash, flooring scraps,+superglue on grandmother’s sparkle stash. And glitter paint. For the kitchen, to correlate with some other orangish round decor I’ll show below…
     

     
    The orange slices were a glad-ccident. I packed (for my mom to eat) oranges for the doctor stay-trip recently and they were too old and squishy. I planned to dry them in the oven for decor, but the others were surprisingly not rotten. But the want of seasonal ceiling citrus stayed, and I had more vanilla envelopes, couldn’t say nope! The juicy bits brightened with orange highlighter.
     Printed from monochrome clip art as printing the orange ink ones on yellow paper gave me lime slices. Saving those surprises for spring/summer!



    Tied to crochet chains created with my mom’s megahook. Citrus garland was a tad thin, made a Macra lace & sheet scrap garland to thicken. 
     
    Corner shelf stolen from closet upstairs, free from the HUD home. Sturdy succulent stand! Oh, but I’ve not yet told of that, must scroll to get to that.  Sorry for discombobulated me! 

    Cut carpet tiles into centerpiece. 


     
    Shabby lil fresh woven wreath because too tired to try harder.

     
    I tend to take out the legs of the dining set with my wheelchair. Awful to make mom’s new homey look shabby! Daring to destroy my spring chalk paintjob. It occurred to me that I should knit bulky bumpers for them! Chunky chair cozies/ leg warmers/sockies. Covered in plastic sheeting fabric scraps, cut from comforter & curtain clear plastic bags (for durability from my wheels & maybe messy meals?). Fresh on the furniture feet, finished from last Friday night to this recent Friday at 4 am! 

     
    It also occurred to me that the carpet tile placemats I made prior work better as seat soft spots/pseudocushions.

     
    Good as a goose, if ever not in-use!

    Extra carpet tiles = me ecstatically  “making” tons of faux rugs everywhere I go:

    A brain backburner idea from last year was carried out thanks to twenty minutes in Target.
    Sculpted smol succulent children for my mom! A due-to-my-dad deprived plantperson. That white pot is my mom’s mortar and pestle base with the rubber bit removed, but she doesn’t mind!

    The baby baskets were born before though!  Saw a Pinterest paper cup weave, had a plastic one from the hotel trip and tried it with this plastic barn yarn. Then doing that caused me to instinctively figure out how to weave it from scratch, so the tube-oval two are not cheat weaves.

     
    Made from Oogoo! Have you heard of it? I did when doing DIYs from Tree Change Dolls long ago. 
    It’s poor people’s Sugru/sculptable rubbery clay. The recipe I use is equal parts cornstarch and interior caulk. I made it a few times prior to the onslaught of my extreme allergy restrictions. You can add acrylic paints if you want colors. It’s amazing stuff! Has anyone made LEGO/Bionicle parts from this? 
    I just mixed up a white batch in a lidded cottage cheese container, shaped, dried, brush painted with wall + acrylic craft paint mix, and sprayed them with art fixatif spray as I had that. 
    For the dirt, I wrapped a medium rock with white PUL fabric and placed it inside for weight, then covered with brown jacket scraps. Stuck on the wrapped rock top with caulk. Similar process for this mortar and pestle turned planter. Dirt is web sewn on the underside onto the felt filled rock PUL piece. Succulents secured to the dirt with a dab of caulk. 

    *Mom being scared to open it saying “it looks too special!”*
    *Me who knows the wrapping is from coffee filters, paint color chips, and a sleepytime tea box quote*

    I’ve recently realized I’m basically a cat. I like leaving gifts for my humans and vanishing, don’t say much/am skittish, nearly nocturnal, fall asleep in the sun, like climbing and sitting in/on things I shouldn't, and am floppy/hypermobile. But I don't have fine cat hair, mine is the crunchy texture of curls. 
    The trio stays in the window, the big one on the corner shelf by itself. 

     
    Mild Autumn attack on my mom’s room. Just flipped the bedding to red side & swirled out some scarves. Sheets were a forgotten gift from Aunt J. last year.
    .
    Added one of the sticky wreaths on the mirror with quick chain crochet colors. This messy make from millions of moons ago, paint by number canvas that I enjoyed ignoring in the utmost. 
    Mom’s Brownie bear is finally the rightful owner of a long ago hospital knit plush sweater.
     
     
    Mom’s childhood doll’s green-trimmed and sleeved dress tucked & poofed into a pumpkin, twisted Cinderella style? Her face stains are from when her prisoner brother Sharpie X’s over her eyes. Ink removal we should retry.
     
    And that finished a funtastic full fall haul from September 2nd to 22nd. I am happily physically shattered!
    Unbelievable Autumn has come! Our first one settled here! I love the leaves, our old house had only sad pine needles-painful piles to play in and full of ticks. It’s the greatest existence I’ve known here with dear Mom. Wish she’d gotten her own place years ago, haha. So peaceful, no shouting, stress or scary-loud television. Cannot wait for bro to visit again, we hadn’t even finished the hall bathroom when he came at Christmas. Now ”Ta-da! List”ing  what decor I should make at Christmas. Planning the color scheme and theme already. 
    Cinderella aesthetic, chores + clothing little house friends…if I can call a soap dispenser my friend. Flooring scraps and leather thread, at least the poor thing is not naked!
    Culinary crafts!
    Spice crumb cake in my misfit sized cake pan stack. Chocolate chip coconut oil muffs with walnut & choc on top. Spice and sweet potato sweet  squares, walnut chocolate pastry pods + brekkie granola rounds. 

    Cheddar cheese petite pizzas, I was thrilled to figure out they fit in coffee cans for freezer storage. Olives feel luxurious.
    The mysterious ways of mayonnaise. 
    It PROTECT, it expires at precisely 10:04 am. 
    Plus the poor broccoli baby missed in a morning rush. 

    Light and fluffy butter loaves (actually oil because $) that were altered from a Texas Riaddhouse roll recipe and this a bit stubby. Horizontal slicing to the rescue & flash frozen on trays as always. Grateful to have grabbed our four lovely loaf pans when we left. Oven Naan breads, a fan of the King’s (KAF brand) recipes I am! 

    Onto the +3 abandoned alternate art endeavors! One sewing, one drawing, one painting. Amazing how little I am accomplishing at the moment, haha. Impromptu organizing has been happening lately, in the office and kitchen. Inspirational at 5 AM when I can’t find my Thing, that Thing. Or my mom’s Thing. We probably totally crammed & chucked stuff in after moving. Finally feeling like a proper place to live.❤️
    Love and leaves to all this Fall.  May your Autumn be awesome 🧡

    “Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.” ~Suzanne Weyn
     
    Basically I’m low on Real art to show right now, fell for Fall, + since late July it’s been a daily battle because of hydrating and actually eating some glorious food, and trying to figure out what on earth to eat. 
    (Spamblings below about my medical and parent stuff  that I am not sure how to use a spoiler tag for: 
    (Kind of outdated content because I am the snail.)
    Some of these *holds back hysterical happy screams* magnificent daily meals of 500-600 calories I’ve had the unspeakable joy of ingesting. Mostly protein (severely low BUN on labs), bullion, salty sauces (and small amounts of the miracle of Mayo, cheese & ketchup) , and beloved vegetables.

     It stays in my body for 0.5-3 hours. I assume some of it must be absorbing, at least every gram of glucose spikes in my blood. An apple throws me over 250 at the two hour post-first-bite prick. The persisting hyperglycemia coupled with the rapid rejection and fluid floss are a true medical freak.  three years since eating adequately/more than a meal of daily broth and (celiac testing) bread,  or post stroke few bites of starchy stuff + severe dehydration. I now cry from gratitude while savoring such treats, then cry from pain trying not to blackout on the bath floor for the next few hours. This trade off/post ingestion punishment has absolutely improved my quality of life. I’m old and want to eat. If I were even given the choice of “last meal or continue living with feeding tube/TPN” you all are invited to the feast. There will be pizza, hummus, salmon, ice cream, cookies and watermelon. 
     
    The post drinking and eating reactions are much worse-for gory details of what that means: 0.5-2 hrs post ingestion = 15-30 (EDIT: now it’s typically 30-60) urgent GI episodes over the next 2-4 hours with low blood pressure, LUQ stabbing, face flushing, some throat constriction, tachycardia & hyperglycemia. Massive lower extremity edema. Samples tested, confirmed nonInfectious GI reactions as I already knew. Just the result of food and water. Leaving the bathroom is too risky, better to bring a floor pillow and try not to pass out. Thankfully with symptoms so severe I cannot be dismissed by doctors-they now keep telling me go to the ER for IV fluids. It’s exhausting to go to the ER with 3-4 diseases to only leave with needle wounds, and “I have no idea how to help, we are sorry, follow with your specialists and PCP” from frightened looking doctors, though. I don’t know if they’d do any useful tests/imaging. It’s been years since scans. 
    Thus, I  am surviving with concentrated lemon juice + Himalayan salt in Gatorade zero, coffee, and eating spoons of straight yellow mustard all day to replenish my electrolytes and bring up my dangerously low blood pressure. I’m drinking over 250oz water some days because of losing massive fluid amounts. I think I’m sleeping like 3 hrs a night, often?  My electrolytes were perfect at the last PCP visit a week ago leaving my doctor absolutely impressed (because she told me to go to the hospital that day,  but knowing I was okay, I didn’t). So apparently “bio-hacking” by ear is working. The basic blood panels did shockingly show useful info-I have idiopathic neutropenia and my BUN/protein is unsurprisingly severely low. Eggs, cottage cheese, Chicken-all so good, oh my gosh. It’s been years since I’ve eaten anything besides bread or broth. Eating so many beautiful vegetables, broths and some dairy, Mayo and proteins, I cannot wait to eat starches and fruits soon. They send me into hyperglycemia coma mode currently-even tiny amounts. I’m up to one ~600 calorie meal a day, I feel rich because it has been 3 years since eating this much (Metabolic m e s s. I, the inexplicably self-sustaining life form, haven't lost any more weight, in spite of my body rejecting everything ingested within 0.5-4 hours, so that’s a win, at least? Guessing the hyperglycemia has a role in this.). Totally worth the next three hours on the bathroom floor, haha. Finally getting some IG posts up thanks to this. I’m amazed at the skilled humans who can eat/drink (like multiple times in one day!) and function afterwards, please teach me your ways! 
     
    I don’t recommend this at all. DIY glucose tolerance testing. Overnight no drinking or eating, then a breakfast of 17.3 Twizzlerschoked down (while timed) in 5 minutes (updated number from Sci papers given 2023 nutritional content/this size). 

    I’m shocked by the blandness of the candy, was mildly improved with salt. Then glucose, BP & pulse recorded every hour for three hours. My PCP couldn’t order an oral glucose tolerance test. So I went PubMed and Mayo clinic vigilante (   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3781564/ https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/glucose-tolerance-test/about/pac-20394296 ), conducted my own test and documented photo results/reactions in graphic detail. Test included losing consciousness on the bath floor with Gi epsiodes and sleeping almost entirely for two days. But yes! I was correct and my pancreas is pitiful. Doctor was so shocked by this she ordered a simultaneous office lab draw with my home monitor to calibrate/make sure my readings were real. They were 3pts off-highly accurate. So now recording the wacky high blood sugars I’m having in spite of barely eating & not even even any direct grainy/starch based carbs.
     
    I (& my mom when available) am taking my vitals and blood sugars through the day (at least 3x) , recording my daily intake of food and fluid and all the 10-30 daily medical episodes and symptoms. Then my mom types it into a Google doc. The point of this is so doctors can grasp how I’m actually living when sent links via the medical mychart messaging. I think I’d be horrified by it if it weren’t me in this body. Some things seem harder to watch than to live yourself. My mom is the best and I feel so bad about her dealing with all of it. Not  just seeing it-all the caregiving, bills and travel stress. Ex dad got away with zero financial help for her or me-dumping all the future + old medical bills he refused to pay on my mom. The legal things were settled mostly in February. Never in my life have I longed to walk out in traffic like this. No one else in my life had made me feel so utterly worthless. My stomach turns thinking about how no one gets away with anything, and the weight of what waits for some.  Guilt over the air I breathed. So my care/chronic sickness wouldn’t be even more of a burden to my poor mom any longer.. But thank goodness with every brain break and bad idea we by belief rise stronger.I am begging her to let my medical record bills go to collections, I have nothing of my own + disabling genetic incurable condition(s), so chances of future me ever being an Actual Adult and needing this “credit” thing are zero. [🎵my new (Taylor Swift) pseudo song is “I am never, ever, ever,  going to be better!”..because if I can’t beat it, I’ll dance to the beat of it ✨🎵] Applying for SSI takes an eternity, even with a free-till-won disability lawyer. A lot of this is the fact that I’ve been disabled/chronically ill since a child + homeschooled, and never been able to live like others. Their “residual job functioning capacity” questions and tests are completely irrelevant,  as I never have been able to fully function. I hope for Medicare/Medicaid approval. Exdad drops my insurance next year, and my mom, the full time tool cashier, cannot afford it. She’s calling the local ERs for financial aid applications. Duke keeps renewing my charity care/ full financial aid, though! Incredibly grateful. I don’t know how any of the grown up stuff works. If I  have no money and never have, am incurably diseased, disabled, and soon to be uninsured, where do they expect to get paid from? I know the ER cannot refuse to treat anyone, even the homeless, thankfully. I have no idea why my mom is trying to pay them, they only grow.  Exdad took the medical savings card access, too. His lawyer was so crooked and hers didn’t care. They tried to steal my mom’s inheritance. She barely got her inheritance childhood home, the abandoned puppy mill we were forced to flee to, then rebuild (but now SO love ❤️), leaving their marital home and life behind with him.  He is trying to cause problems by not signing the divorce papers, so the restraining order may be renewed. He cannot stop the divorce, court can force it. It’s about him trying to keep his small retirement savings. He also didn’t sign the paperwork on the one old car my mom got, then canceled the insurance on it (this is the only car my mom got out of the total old 4 family cars-and this was her mom’s 19 year old mom inheritance car. And she was driving me to Duke hospital regularly in this) intentionally sabotaging us. Making it illegal to drive that car, as  my mom couldn’t legally pay for insurance on a car not signed over to her. This was all happening late July as we were daily evaluating whether I should go to the ER. But driving there would be illegal-my mom had to short-drive to work with legal paperwork and hope not to get pulled over. She ultimately had to take the small sum she barely got from the divorce split up and buy a new used car, as she could buy insurance for it. We are terribly grateful, she loves it, and it’s so nice for the wheelchair, but wow. My mom is wise and would never ordinarily make such a purchase without being cautious. I shudder at the future of some evil individuals. Thank goodness we no longer live with such darkness. I have the noblest mom ever. Being safe and free makes up for possible poverty. Nothing in life is better than to be with companions worthy.  Everything is far better than last year! It's only the uncertainty medically with me, along with the possibility of her adopted criminal creep brother being released from prison soon-we don’t know if he gets 4+ more years. He is not welcome here, nor may he drain my mom. 
     She deserved so much better, and I trust the tide’s truly turning. I wish I could fix it all for her.  But I can’t…so instead I’ll try to do the chores + cook for her between collapsing, and decorate inside these walls with the spirit of Fall! (Wheelchair power!!!) Creations can cheer countless clouds away.
    ❤️
    Doctor visits were awesome last time given the battle royale removal of my medical-kidnapping-misdiagnosis! So weird to be treated like a human being with value instead of a worthless little worm. For some reason my PCP (who had blindly gone along with the sketchy GI doctor and fully blamed me) now seems to respect me since I explained/proved it and almost fired her too, haha. So strange not to be a scapegoat. I’m baffled for being believed and am almost crying with relief. Rheumatology successfully got me back to my endocrinologist for Carcinoid syndrome/NET. This time around I don’t have to consider falsely telling them I want to change genders just to get an appointment- three years ago I was desperately sick and considering this strategy. I instead got in due to my systemic nonstature stunting/being a human horseshoe crab. That appointment is at the end of March 2024. Three years since she hastily “doctor punted” my complex case to GI & rheumatology while I was telling her that did not explain my endocrine symptoms. I’m also on a new Duke GI doctor waitlist for a January 2024 appointment. Still nobody has/can reread my crimped artery abdominal ultrasound. The plan is to contact PCP if my fasting blood sugars get above a certain number consistently (they are almost there). I, at the time of writing this, have a test for POTS soon where I will be tied to a tilt table with the “different provoking measures we may use during the test- deep breathing, blowing into a tube, hand in ice water, and nitroglycerin.” 
    *googles nitroglycerin*….😎🍿)
     
    So that’s life lately! I am constantly shocked at the adaptability of the human body! Grateful beyond belief. 
    My cup is not half empty, nor half full, for I find it overflos. 
     
    Random wildlife visits! The crow knocking on the window woke me up!

     
    And I went to grab the the web-stuck butterfly for decor but the poor thing wasn’t dead, flew away instead!

    Resident falcon visits a good bit.
     And when new carpenter Uncle Dave surprises you while you were gone on a doctor daytrip and patches your crumby pillars + leaves gifts of homegrown tomatoes at your door!
     Little metal cross created by my mom’s customer and generously chucked at her, now cherished in  paperclip holder.
     
  3. Mushy the Mushroom
    Good Dawning, dear comrades! 
    And by golly, the months melt by. 
    I must so apologize for lack of coherence to reply well to such goodheartedness received here, unimaginable appreciation and thanksgiving to each of you! I owe so much to this site, the little, so-loved Lego city!
    A little homelife hurricane-eye era gallery I forgot about. Started sketch March 2022. I was shedding raretears after a dead-end doctor visit while drawing it, if I’m honest.
    But I lived through a lot more than I ever would have believed, thankfully! Picked up and completed this year.

     
    Cards printed from my zebra drawing-I think these were thanks cards for birthday gifts? 

     
    Fixatif-ing old art because eventually I find out how to do things…sometimes...
    .
     
    A flooring scrap and thin cutting board travel artpad that I never anticipated using in the situations that swiftly followed. I can confirm it’s rather worn out now. 

     
    I somehow had my scanner resolution so rough it’s barely discernible, but maybe it’s for the best given the story here. I decided to draw my distant aunt’s Anatolian shepherd, Tippy, as a thanks gift, as out of the ocean blue(?) she sent a gift.  Then another gift, which was very generous… and looking back this was uncanny given what wrongs were going on at home, then I was blocked on social media, though no interaction was ever exchanged, only mailed christmas cards and felt ornaments and occasional like posts from family I didn’t see. I guess I don’t have an aunt anymore, or anyone on that side?. Sadly, strangely, sorry-ingly. I guess I’m grateful to never have been allowed to attach or interact prior, the separation would hurt more? It’s an odd thing, to become aware of mourning something you never genuinely had. So nice to say “Aunt, uncle and cousins!”- Like beloved characters in a book. You hear about them, know their happenings at length, but can’t quite access their world. I liked believing it, the belonging that goes along with it. So I’ll appreciate that time of that pretend.  (PS Cannot recommend hammock-lapdesk art, poor posture choices on my part and promptly abandoned, haha. )

     
    I am unsure if this was instinct, or if it was a blessing before its time. For around four years we’d stored some very filthy inherited possessions in attic totes. Platters, china, statues and odd trinkets brought back from my mom’s family home for safekeeping, in light of the place sitting in an abandoned state of disrepair half a day’s drive away. I decided it was time my mom got to enjoy them! Funny metal fluff to get off the tar.  Do you play Cinderella when you scrub stuff? Or perhaps a Bohrok? A great gear to turn the wheel of cheer!
     
    🎶
    Ah, those good old days when we were useful...
    Suddenly those good old days are gone
    Ten years we've been rusting
    Needing so much more than dusting
    Needing exercise, a chance to use our skills!
    🎶

     
    For mother’s day decor, 2022. No idea if I posted this prior!
    🎶
    She's our guest!
    Be our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest!
    🎶

    Ivory ponies, polished for bro’s home (apartment, in actuality)!


     
    And statuary with dust undeniably scary. My grandmother’s whole house was once engulfed in this.

    I do think there must have been some kind of inkling of impending doom driving a lot of trying to invent special, for-mom happiness. My efforts seemed to further ignite an explosion from another element, upsettingly. Right there in the lower rooms, the heirlooms sat ready as the tumultuous, unexpected trek took place.
     
    When family lacks, but grandfather’s monkeybank with a snack has your back!

    🎶
    With your meal, with your ease
    Yes, indeed, we aim to please
    While the candlelight's still glowing
    Let us help you, We'll keep going
    🎶
    Fast forward to October, as such scenes seem better in-order.
    A barn box, caulked and reclaimed-painted. We found a big branch to put up my human swing here! Over the past couple years at our old house, I started swinging daily by the duckpond for some form of physical activity/fun/pain distraction because of weakness and joint pain/not being able to walk or stand much at all. 
     
     
    Of course the baby couldn’t just sit on the ground here, wouldn’t be prudent! And a read-tree for dear Mum, where she may sun her silken coat, so pretty plum. 
    Red shirt/dress may or may not be my Winnie the Pooh dress from when I was a human child.

    Still more than just a bear, btw.
     
    It was soon discovered that my swing was in fact to be Mum’s also, though.
    I fast found out I couldn’t propel it anymore. I hadn’t noticed I was shallow-shuffling instead of stepping.  I was so busy pretending to be well, not able to use the wheelchair in the condition of this house, absent-mindedly on plaquenil and painpills, in knee braces because I had a home to build and clean! I was just sitting there on the swing after a few kicks and my legs sat immovable. I couldn’t get my feet off the ground or slide them into shoes all for days. That ability returned but not the full lifting of lower legs/stepping.
     
    (In brackets due to medical/disease content, my apologies if disturbing, not sure if I should/how to use spoiler tags anymore)
    [ Five days from swing setup, neurology did the EMG and skin punch biopsy to evaluate the pre-fleeing ambiguous disease progression numbness. Also, they noticed my toe-lifting paralysis that seemed to upset them, a progression which had escaped me.The tests involved probing the leg nerves with a zapper tool and measuring the reaction. It appeared similar to an ultrasound. Then they took two BB-sized skin biopsy samples from my leg with a hole punch. They said the results took a few weeks.
    And I was prescribed Gabapentin for sleep and pain. That had the reverse effect and made me rather lobotomized, unable to feel my body and terribly sad. Also, hello hives! Very much a personal-refuser of the mind altering medications, this is the closest encounter I’ve had to one. 
    The medical daytrip/appointment/procedures done late last are a blur.  Casually showing up there like a normal, civilized chronically ill human when in reality refusing to take a single day off renovation attempts with reckless inspiration. There are some things they need not know, haha
    I lost count of the amount of diagnostic GI procedures I’ve had at this point, the last one was in late August and I think it must have been the 6th one in 14 months? Two full years now since the really high tTg IgA test.  I told them at the time Celiac certainly did not add up and no change was happening even with dietary omission. Two and a half years have passed in a state of extreme undernutrition due to the sickness. We have no idea how I'm still living like this. Tests, baffled doctors, more baffled doctors, ERs, other specialists, blood draws, scans, referrals, genetics waitlist, being *diagnosed with hypermobile EDS and UCTD, Retests, problems being found but still not Celiac. So thankful for Duke financial aid. The auto-released biopsy on this most recent EGD again confirmed that this wasn’t Celiac disease, so I am grateful to say I was able to stop force feeding myself 4 slices of bread a day, as it is always followed by fevers, face flushing and writhing. In January I finally had a follow up. Apparently I was correct that this is not Celiac disease, not a return of Alpha-gal or another allergy and it is actually something neurologically-related. A mystery systemic disease.  The two year-ago genetics referral at UNC hospital is now canceled because they are overfilled with Ehlers-Danlos patients and rejecting the people who were waitlisted two years ago.
    My tonsils & adenoids are gone for good, thankfully no tonsil stones/infections now, however, the extremely thick mucus that causes the throat soreness did not go away as hoped.
    In January I contacted neurology about the forgotten biopsy results and got diagnosed with small fiber neuropathy.  There aren't enough nerves in my legs.  Systemic autonomic dysfunction is suspected. But SFN seems more of a secondary disease, and they are not definitively sure what the root disease(s?) is. And this shouldn’t be causing bilateral foot drop. *In light of the overall progression, the diseases I was diagnosed with last year are now being reconsidered as rarer/different/more serious things than anyone thought. Not that they told me, I stalk the visit notes. Now there are tons of specialist tests coming up like cardiology, GI, rheumatology, possible ASD testing (that I personally requested because of the realization that I was weird/have some cognitive/social/learning quirks, its genetic significance, having a sibling with it, etc.) this year. 
    The January 15th stroke-like neurological blood vessel paralysis emergency thing was like no other ER visit I’ve had before. The 7ish other trips in my life were acute, life threatening, temporary things. This did lasting damage and I was discharged as no one at the local or Duke hospital was sure of the cause. That day has split my existence in half. We were advised after a 3 am phonecall to drive to Duke ER for hyperswollen left foot, I collapsed paralyzed in the passenger seat on the way and local ER paramedics had to remove me and evaluate the situation there. I could hear everything, but my whole body was like a corpse and I couldn't move or speak. Awkward when your mom is signing paperwork and the doctors are like "Who is this? No idea what her name is" They CT'ed my head, and immovable hours later, I heard them saying I was discharged without diganosis, they were scared to do a spinal tap, and to follow up with Duke. I still couldn't open my eyes or move most of my body and my mom had to shovel me into a wheelchair and checkout. They forgot to evaluate my gigantic foot. We went home, I slept for a few hours then, still being very numb/semi paralyzed and swollen, we made the daytrip to Duke ER, who did imaging of the foot and dischargeded me with permission to add more OTC painkillers to my life, lidocane patches for my giant limp foot, and to follow up with my specialists as they had no idea what was wrong with me. My left foot is still bluish and swelling, and both legs go randomly limp, icy cold and blotchy on and off now. My whole body lost feeling, I cannot feel thirst, and getting in over 16 oz a day is a painful and rare accomplishment. Eating has been reduced to a few small bites daily to try to keep myself alive somehow. Sleep is in random couple hour intervals, which makes it surprising when I hear what day of the week it is. I am so glad the total paraylisis wasn't permanent-I cannot imagine having paralyzed hands or eyes. Take the legs, take the feet, they can't create, just not the hands please, haha!
    The spine involvement is new, I had to unexpectedly see neurology again a couple weeks ago for it.  They forgot about weighing me prior, as a (non-paraylzed/short-distance ambulatory) wheelchair user and did not realize how bad this was getting. Instead of unexplainably maintaining and frequently gaining weight, I’m losing again-20lbs down from one year ago when I was already at the edge of underweight-all in the past few months. Not ideal when eating and drinking cause extreme illness and idiopathic anaphylaxis that worsens with epinephrine. So this trip thankfully led to getting me new genetics referrals to different clinics and a neuromuscular doctor. Guessing this is good because the autumn ENT doctor was concerned about ALS due to the throat strings and neurological abnormality. At the time I was happily unaware of what that disease was. So now is the time to “survive to the next appointment, hopefully” and spend the days/nights creating things, as always. Abundant audiobooks, and comforting and cheery Christmas music. Sometimes I feel a little like how the orchestra band kept playing on the night of the Titanic, but then I remember an encouraging ex-doctor patient in a power chair at Duke whose diagnostic path of Myasthenia Gravis took ten years. I’ve only been a full time lab rat for the past two and a half, ambiguous sick/disabled (without much early investigation) for over half my life now. In late 2019 when I began crashing again, I was crazed for a cure. Those prior two years post-PICU of trying to be normal and healthy and getting to eat all the fabulous foods was such a treat! I ponder how it must feel to possess a prognosis, or the power to plan. If I merely live to get an answer, I would feel rich.  And I will proudly proclaim that a major life goal of mine is eating, hahaha. I do so wish my mom had a family- It's just my faraway bro and I...and, unfortunately that one past-many-years-incarcerated uncle who we hope won't get out of prison this fall...y i k e s. She's had to deal with all my medical drama alone...  But life is still lovely, there are little things of beauty in all if you look close enough. I do think happiness is an inside job. ]
     
     
    Some small efforts put forth in order to retrain my art amnesia-brain! Done in December 2022 to a cozy comfort audiobook and Cladrite radio. I do adore pretend time traveling and brain roleplaying, such fun to be a magazine illustration fine artist in the 1930s-1950s when the fancy strikes. Painting these, in truth, felt as an internal battle because of the practical-or-nothing-at-all predicament that 2022 sent.  Painting seemed..improper so soon after, almost pointless-but thank goodness for the motivation of doing it for someone else. Maybe that’s the secret joy in doing any and every thing? Who is it done for, and the love behind it? Tis for me, that feels like truly living.  
    Mini scenes, 3x3”  cardboard canvases. Sneak peak of barnchair, woven with care. 
    First try on this, had the canvas squares sitting idly for years. My grandmother’s generous gifts of art supplies live on. 
    Pencil sketch covered in acrylic paint and gloss glazing medium. 
    I “should” probably watermark some of these, but oh well. And maybe blur my signature but eh, doesn't really matter. Going to blissfully believe in the morality of humankind instead, I haven’t the energy to worry.
     

    Low res-resized  version of scan, it appears.

     
    Painting times:
    Baby: 6.5 hrs 
    Girl: 13 hrs
    Deer: 6.5 hrs
    Reindeer (if I recollect correctly)?: 7.5 hrs
    Chipmunk: 7 hrs
    Birdy: 7 hrs



     
    For my mom’s Christmas gift. I credit her completely with forming my art obsession, I wonder if she knows that…I’m afraid I never thanked her prior, oh my. All those splendid art history books and children's drawing books, that dearest impressionism book of unrivaled beauty and dashing colors, the craft-centric homeschool curriculums that danced across my child kingdom- all at the kitchen table in that sacred morning sun. She covered its wallpapered wild ivy walls with my paint splattered scrolls and sketched scrawls. Something odd began happening recently, in light of meeting a few individuals for art transfer. They wondered when I started drawing.. I felt a fool because it never consciously occurred to me that people ever stopped drawing. All children I’ve seen are creators. Maybe artists don’t grow up? Hope they don’t have to, I’m quite afraid of such heights. 
     
    So soon, If all is well, I can freely photodocument and publish my professionless-and proper-product-less projects that paperwork presently prohibits!I am glad to further discover how the less one has, the more unconventional uses for other objects appear. ‘Till then: Drawings! 
    Gratitude echoes over my very being over the luxury of getting to do art again.
     
    Lapdesk Land doodles. Some of these were unrequested ones for BZPers, and other random victims of my art endeavours, so I feel odd/guilty about posting them.... My apologies if unacceptable… Please let me know if any would want them taken down and I shall gladly do so! 
    Graphite sights:
    Anatolian puppy, one of the first tiny attempts to remember how to draw. (September)

     
    12hrs, 8x10 as I actually began googling standard art sizes.  My brother’s Japan research trip. How was that half a decade ago? (September/October?)

     
    Car art of a family photo for my mom. Started in September when summoned to show up for a scary Social Security “prove you are sick, please” interrogation because of the new need of insurance and never having had income. I never noticed I was considered disabled until recent years. My mom never made me feel like I was, being homeschooled since forever helped this, I guess! Standard small photograph size, whatever that is.  

    Public domain peoples! 8x10”, 8hrs.


     
    A memorial of a Facebook church acquaintance’s pet, pit bull Boo Boo. 8x10”

     
    Anatolian, another attempt! 10hrs? 8x10”.
     

    We found this poster on our front door once getting back from the ERs on January 15th. Impressive determination considering our yard is gated and farm-fenced! 
    I collapsed on the couch treasuring this task. 

     
    The dog owner did find their furry friend again! And introduced us to a local children’s charity runner friend. It was initially started by her rare-disease daughter. So I tried to draw her, 13hrs, 8x10”.

     
    Then it occurred to me I knew of one other similar children’s cancer charity, so drew the girl who founded that one, for fun. 17.5hrs, 8x10”

    Shoutout to my mom’s art delivery services! 
    And a bit of a rough one as my accuracy and speed is absolutely unpredictable and pain-dependent. 8x10”, 16hrs. Quadriplegia violinist from IG, I need to muster the brain power to ask about mailing this one. 

    (Property of BZPers below) 
    8x10” , 8.5 hrs 

    6x8”, 5.5 hrs

    9x7” , 13.5 hrs

    8x6”, 13.5hrs.

    Trying to improve at people's portraits, proportions I do struggle with. My method is to do a light sketch focusing on the angles, then going back over that, erasing and mechanical pencil detailing down from the upper left side so I don’t smudge it. Then fixatif spraying and cutting to-size. I seriously need to thank the pastor who supplied this orphaned tilting lapdesk from their church gym, the hours of joy and purpose it has provided are inexpressible.  
    Moving back to one’s hometown is funny. The one family I was fortunate enough to call my (only) childhood friends is still around. 
    Drawn for her mom while she was gone on a missionary trip. 8x10”, 20hrs.

     
    My mom adores old-fashioned paper calendars (only the finest ones from Dollar General, haha), and I’m quite fond of their picturesque vignettes. I fell for this feathered friend and had to fashion an embroidery lookalike. Plumped it up a little. It’s a pleasure to stitch rainbow plumage and other colorful crafts in between the graphite-gray sketching. Keeps the immobile insomnia hours vibrant events. 38 hrs total, framed it (Yay for spray paint and barn-find frame) instead of making it a pillow. Initially for my mom’s Christmas gift, but upcoming mother’s day makes more sense for her new-old home’s wall art needs. An uncanny color match to my grandmother’s lamp.


     
    It fit in our scanner! Wrapped and sticky leather taped it onto heavy cardboard. 
     
    Craft collection! Truth be told, I’m torn on what to post, project-wise. I want to wait on posting the home decor stuff as it makes more sense to show it with the whole room, so we wait. 
    My mom loves heartleaf philodendron plants. Historically her houseplants ended up getting suspiciously knocked off the surfaces where they sat, and she gave up. With funds for foliage now as the only barrier, I decided a few pseudo plants would make the shelves merrier. For Valentine’s day, since they are conveniently heart-leaves 
    I didn't have the proper supplies or a way to get them, so the base was a wood-cutting ripped old shirt I’d remade from an old shirt. Used a similar method as last year: fusing two cotton layers together with spray adhesive, ironing and cutting out. 
    Sewed leaf creases down each one and smothered them in glazing medium for stiffness. Cut around the edges again for a smooth finish.  Scalp massager (???) and pipe cleaner base. Tied on with green yarn. Ginormous cardboard tubes, old shoe foam and laces, and upholstery swatches for “planters”. The superglue I used to attach the fabric to the cardboard started smoking when I pressed it together. No spontaneous combustion has occurred so far. 
     Definitely not one of my greatest creations, but passable from a distance. 

    *real ladybug lounging on leaf*


     
    And gratitude greetings from owl arts, little laminated prints.. Recycled partially from gift bags. Going to pretend that the printer ink wasn’t too red on some, and this was intentional. 

     
    Scrunchies for my mom. 
    Octo-O’s, balloons windblown, done into donut bundles because why not?


     
    And assembled the pants  for my mom I’d cut out in the basement last year and abandoned. Maybe these will be for a Christmas gift, stashed and waiting for now.
     
    Basic bakes and birthday bakebox gifts. Butter, beautiful butter! 

     
    In other news, I’ve just last week figured out how to organize the kitchen to be much more wheelchair accessible! It's worlds less exhausting with appliances on lower surfaces and a folding card table for a low countertop. Figuring out wheelchair life is new in itself. I started using part-time at the former home in January 2022 as the mobility/pain/weakness issues worsened. That house wasn’t very easy to drive it in, with the rooms being much smaller and closer. Once we were given no choice but to leave in May, so began the season of painful staggering. This new-old home is perfect for rolling with all its hallway loops and long rooms now! I love it here, endearingly old and unusual. 
     
    Handkerchief head scarf bandanas for my mom’s coworker, as she kindly sent one to me as the color wasn’t her preferred.

     
    I think that wraps up the majority of neglected knick-knacks and novelties and my endlessly talking about my mom being awesome, haha. Looks like I’ll be making a collection of current yellow-thing-projecting for next time. 
     
    My mom made my whole life with a birthday gift of this baby. One with feet, what a treat!

    Wishing everyone a happy week! 

    Also, I've patched this thing together in Google Docs again and haven't a grasp of if the images upload too largely as a result, apologies and will try to remedy if so!
    Or if my brain can form sensible entries anymore 🙈
     
  4. Mushy the Mushroom

    Stopmotions, Happi-mess and Some Clarity on the Sickness!

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    Baby Yoda, rainbows, butterflies
    Translation: A blog so big I’m a bit worried about it breaking BZP.
    Greeting again pretend-friends! 
    Stacks of stuff from the home reno I’ve not individually posted but feel funny about doing so redundantly! Because in the excessive room-by-room Docs I planted them.  But here are a few of the decorations/homey Hapi-mess projects from the farmhouse. And new projects I’ve been too absorbed in/too sick  to document/edit. Sorry for over-downsized picture quality here and incoherent rambles!

    ~Older content~
     
    Embroidery wreath pillow, 10 hrs.

     
     

    The “UP” movie inspired house for my alien children-from a freezer box! Made from cardboard, leftover paper drywall tape, wood & school glues, a bunch of paint mixes I used in the home here, and twist ties. Window frames are cardboard covered in masking tape, then painted. Door knob and doorbell are felt furniture feet. UP inspired, as it’s missing the side window and roof extension. Does anyone know why the official set by LEGO does not have the side window or house side roof? Was it structurally impossible? 



     
    Hot air balloon!
     
     
     
     
    The ball was a horse-toy, I think? A thick plastic ballI I found in the stables. It had to be bleached for a hot air balloon! Began by making a barn-yarn (string) macrame net. Pattern for fabric cover made by marking with electrical tape and paper drafting of the dark lines. Basket made from chopping the handle off an ordinary one and painting with KILZ primer. White balloon fabric is PUL, red is slick material from an old vest I’d made for myself (out an old vest of my dad’s). Topstitching details. Seam taped together in back, then hand ladder stitched. Wooden beads are from a rusty jar I found in our barn. Canning jar lid ring for fire area thing. Made tiny sandbags from drop cloth and added a bandana. Tree branch and plastic barn-yarn for a pulley.

    .
     
    What you see VS reality:
    That absolutely is my mom murdering weeds with her Mother’s Day Machete.




    Eucalyptus hanging
    .
    Made by cutting out over 200 fabric cotton circles in three different sizes! Math estimate based on spacing/desired branch number. Cotton circle sewn with a little opening. Assembly line sewing style is such a pleasure! Sewn using my machine on a lapdesk on the floor, back propped against the wall. Cut apart & turned right side out while wet. 
    Octopus ironing board 

    Ironed while tucking raw seams in, then added center seam to sew together. I hand-kneaded and squished them into the 8-color mix and hung them across a paint extension cord and bucket drying rack in the basement. And yarn for stems. Later poked the holes with leather awl and handsewed each leaf on with tex 70 upholstery thread. This splendid stick was selected by my mom from a newly toppled yard tree, I miter sawed to fit. Yarn and nails on top, tiny ½” tacks and reinforcement thread on each strand to hold
    .
     
    Stenciled fairy flags from my ancient x-acto knife PUL stencil, cotton fabric sponge brushed with alteration tint of the kitchen wall paint & backed with PUL. Strung up with little yarn-let cuts and some of the shiny plastic spool of wire.

    Motif panels are made from cotton muslin and backed with PUL. I cut/designed the stencil from an art canvas material many years ago. Foambrush sponged with extra wall paint (from another room). Sewed around each curve after drying and individually tied all threads inside. Yarn tassels, hand embroidery floss french knots.

     
    Shutter flower pots, a birthday gift for my mom. Made from the doors of the rotting hall bath vanity, chalk painted (baking soda version). Little pots from leftover floor scraps are tiny tacked & wrapped around a giant cardboard tube (gift from family friend) that I chopped with my mini miter saw. String from the massive roll found in the barn to match the rest in the house. Flowers made from laminated copies of Wildflowers of American antique prints (my grandma sent to me a few years ago). 


     
    And my mom's birthday bounty!
    Excessive decor and food photos!
     


    Artgifts posted prior, laminated 2D flowers, cheesecake & bakes, & for it finally occurred, origami bird! Napkin, but really a paper towel! Fold Guide Made makeshift mushroom & cowbaby magnets for my mom’s birthday. Printed some scientific mushroom illustrations and laminated, wood glued onto the plastic sealed magnets I cut off of a ripped white shower curtain (the one I’d been using as a tablecloth!) 
    Sheet from Lawman friend/HUD house for temporary tablecloth. 


     
    Mum, there for fun
    ~m o r e t h a n j u s t a b e a r~
    .
     
    Raspberry lemon cheesecake, turmeric +raspberry drink powder tinted buttermint dough. Because it’s what I had! Fondant, transportation, and funds are far from me. Fun game to find substitutes to suit
    Faux forever flowers were an impromptu b-day idea. I found an envelope of Wildflowers of America Smithsonian prints from my grandmother and it hit me. I had to scan them, print copies, cut them out and stick the scientific title on the back. Laminated and placed into the Leaning Green Barn found green vases, and these narrow “Avocado Hot Sauce” bottles from a discount grocery store. 10 cents well spent!

     
    ~Actual New Content~
    The beauty of food 🥮
    My mom got a freezer as she buys discount ingredients in bulk when on sale & for years our custom has been to freeze homemade meals. I love baking and freezing. And other randomness because sometimes it’s 3 am and I feel like making quiche and such. 
    Also, miraculously, a kind Instructables staffer told me my LEGO dress tutorial (https://www.instructables.com/LEGO-Minifigure-Fabric-Gown/?amp_page=true ) qualified for one of their contests, so bumbled into that by chance. They generously sent a gift card for being a finalist, I filled it out in my mom’s name, but she bought an Instantpot for me to experiment with. She is so unselfish!
    I’m overjoyed over the fancy food tools!  It's always been terribly difficult for me to use the stove asstanding was hard, but using it in a wheelchair where the burners are shoulder height is a Snow White and the Seven dwarfs experience. 
     
    My mom bought some “overripe” strawberries for groundhoggy bait, but I, being a feral scavenger who mourns waste, had no idea these were supposedly second-class strawberries and treated them as fine delicacies. ❤️ Sorry hoggies! 

     
    Salsa and vegetable dishes freeze finely in muffin containers, but the regular shape metals do work a bit better!

     
    Chicken, grape, walnut and cream cheese pastries (lots of these are frozen in the pictures!)

    Walnut oat + chocolate dough drops. Oat buns are fun!

    Chocosquare cake + almond cinnabuns! Peanut caramel cube cookies! Apple pastry!

    Banana breads, biscuits, oatmeal cookies, raspberry muffies, lots of cookies as they are mom’s best beloved baked burgers,
    Instant pot soups frozen for easy momwork transport & heating. Jars from when she was canning the most delicious chicken in our old life. Mayo jar lids fit (and are free!) quite perfectly upon the narrowneck pints!
     
    I adore King Arthur flour recipes as mix & match pastry bases. Buns! I've had a hard time with yeast breads since my body has been spiraling more, the rise times are hard to handle when I spontaneously crash or sleep at all hours. 
     Yeast rolls, buns, French breads, personal pizza, burritos.

    Greens & cream pastry, quiches, potatoes and fiesta pasta. Walnut garlic Italian buns. Instapot beans are a blessing! 

    Impromptu cookie bake batches because tree cutting fellows were here and hungry, and mom was around for their delivery, so no photos fancy and I forgot entirely to take one of the giant chocolate chip cookie batches.
     
    Starbiscuits! Waffellows! Yeast buns and cookies!

    *Not shown: me crying from pain while cooking because it’s a grand amusement/distraction! What am I supposed to do, watch TV? Not for me. Cannot wait to be hungry and able to eat this stuff/normally again!
    PS: I promise not everything I cook is bread based, these are just the pretty-picturable pastry dishes. 
    "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."- infinite wisdom from Buddy the Elf.
     
    My mom bought me a vehicle. 😎 A trolley for towels and dollies! And me to lowride slide on for a few hours when I’ve crammed my wheelchair into the tub for shower hosing it off and it’s drying. It gets quite dusty! I have no idea how other people clean their chairs..and apparently felt no need whatsoever to investigate this. 
    Was extremely difficult to transport thingies prior! 

     
    A bonsai tree (juniper variety) made tiny!

    Pipe cleaners wrapped fabric strips then in embroidery floss (now questioning why I didn’t use yarn for less waste) and painted. Stuff felt sewn centrally and stiffened with glue. Box made from basement bits of glued wood + filler, stained and polyurethane sealed. Painted the whole tree for a hopeful look of reality. Dirt is made from coffee grounds and Elmer’s glue poured into the wooden pot lined with plastic wrap.

     
    Norwegian inspired Birdy ornaments in honor of my mom’s roots. For tiny Christmas gifts. 3hrs each, if I remember correctly (too tired to check)?


     
    Recycled Cards featuring my chickadee mini painting from last December. 
    No colored cardstock, found other stuff!



    Birdhouse! Homey theme continuing. Penciled while trying to listen to an audiobook of the Pickwick papers. Delightful oddity, I have a frightful problem of beginning audiobooks, abandoning for months on end, then returning. Brain fog beckons in mindless music box melodies while making things. 
    15 Hrs. 8x10”.

    WIP/test subject Wii MySims inspired doll from May. Because it was time for what seemed like my biannual pain + medical-exhaustion life burnout and I needed a couple hours to escape reality.  Every time I play MySims game I end up making things instead of gaming, last time I made dollhouse furniture, this time a doll. I am amazed at the patience of gamers. I guess I need a weird amount of physical evidence of what I’m doing with my life to feel fulfilled. 
    Doll needs lots of alterations to the face and head, she’s additionally in a paper towel test dress that is quite hospital gown style. 

    May embroidery inspired by my mom’s tastes. 
    Randomness in terms of stitch, sewn into circles in case they get framed or something. Gifts for somebody, probably my mom? I’d like to give her all the things but there are a few other humans I know exist and it shreds my soul trying to figure holiday gifting out. Been trying to make one copy of each one for her to keep. 
    15Hrs, 12 hrs

    Little yellow lassie! Like her original friend. 
    Either for my mom or maybe my honorary Granny. I am happier with the face on her than my first. First one scares me a wee bit. 

    Pumpkin friends! One by the name of Beatrice! Because I was weakflattened on the couch, conscious but not enough to coherent so tried to easy knit a bit. 

     
    The origins of Lady Beatrice (who is a pseudopumpkin and an eggplant): 

     
    Baby and baby goat, belonging to kind local foundation person and possibly harvested from their Facebook 17.5 Hrs. 8x10”

     
    My mom! 8.5 Hrs. 8x10”

     
    Birdy painting, a Holiday Holly Hummingbird! For putting on Christmas cards. 5x7” acrylic, colored pencil and fixatif on watercolor paper pencil sketch. 78 hrs total. Metallic gold paint details. 

    My floorflop sewing setup. The lapdesk on the floor posed risk of scratching up the deck painted floors, so I made slider towel socks from PUL and elastic for the foldy feet. 

     
    Shirt shop! 
    Two button downs for my brother, from fabrics generously gifted by new aunt J. 33 hrs for two, slow as the purple was thick knit and required much hand sewing. Hand bound buttonholes on both because my machine tends to jam on them. French seams. Hoping this pattern still fits him since he’s still a medium though has taken interest in gymnasiums. 

     
    And simply a tee from an unwanted jersey flat knit sheet that matched some Macra lace swatches from the stash. French seamed. 4hrs each because I am the snail.
     
    Test subject dress for my mom from the lower sheet, sadly this a bit nubby knit-wide. I intended to use the wrong side of the fabric as the outer. but kept collapsing from low blood pressure during this which blocks the brain ability to French seam. 
    *presents mom with the Macaroni Necklace Quality dress and apologies* 
     
    I can’t calculate how to catch rainbows so I just copy them in my clothes! Hues due for mockery make me exuberant. I get colorhappy!
     my mom began knitting again, so happy for her! She essentially forgot due to the PTSD of our reality. 
    Sweetly spun spools into leg warmers for me! Perfectly twinning with the hand-me-down sweater from my new octogenarian aunt!

    Normal humans: *t shirt + jeans 😎*
    Whatever feral mutant species I am: *Wearing everything weirdo wonderlandian ways instead*
    Actually went outside with the sweet ride (wheelchair) once in March, prompting proof in pictures and pseudoswinging & chainclinging. Just porch pillar plops in the sun fits my function level better. 
    Christmas/bro birthday stash growing and wraps getting going. The hard part remains, choosing what’s for who! 

     
    And a-still-on-my-sidetable WIP in the works I’m actively updating because my body is not something I can trust in: https://www.flickr.com/photos/189713610@N04/albums/72177720310455074


     
    Kind human playing piano at Duke cancer center (They send me there for noncancer imaging sometimes, not sure why):

    Medical madness has made up the year, I truly cannot believe it’s August and I’m still here! Seven months since the stroke! Surviving! The ER sent me home without any ideas or help that day and my specialists have been helpless. Ramblings below.
    -At last in June I got into a local geneticist! They only ran a connective tissue panel, hemochromatosis panel, and hereditary neuropathy panel for my SFN. Under 200 genes analyzed so not terribly helpful, but some things ruled out! Wish whole gene exome sequencing were more affordable, given that now doctors named me “extremely medically complex” and “perplexing”. 
    Genetics  *legally confirmed* I have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (type 3, the one that they haven’t IDed the genes of yet and only diagnose from clinical exams). I accurately self diagnosed with the disease in late 2020 after researching why my knee joints were clicking painfully >20 times per hour causing me to limp, and seeing this Instagram suggested post and being able to do the sign: 

    I got a Rheumatologist to do an unofficial Beighton test in May 2021 with a positive score, and had a UNC genetics referral place the month prior. They waitlisted me for 1 year, which turned into 2, then they were overbooked and canceled me altogether. I am not even seeing their Ehlers-Danlos page on their site anymore. EDS and its 14 subtypes are chronically changing their diagnostic criteria. I am so grateful for google and trust issues, as EDS diagnosis by doctors takes on average 10+ years. 
     
    -This is an odd addition to the Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. Since no painkillers are effective for EDS according to my geneticist, perhaps this is why the UCTD Plaquenil didn’t help the joint pain? Rheumatology took me off it after the January stroke given my drug hypersensitivity. 
     
    -The idiopathic small fiber neuropathy might be from EDS, as this is true for some. 
     
    -Foreshadowing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zebra_(medicine)

     
    "I'm paint and porcelain
    ...Sensitively, I'm not weak, but my
    Bones are made of glass
    And I'll break if you pass..." 
    ~Porcelain / Em Beihold
    -EDS might explain my past food allergies given the mast cell involvement.
     
    -Still awaiting the fourth reread of my abdomen ultrasound. The one ordered after the May cardiac MRI showed that my GI arteries were “crimped”. Wonder why this is why I’ve had excruciating LUQ pain for years.
     
    -I decided to try to consume more than 16oz fluid and the few bites of starchy food a day I’d been surviving on since the stroke-until recently when even that was getting more difficult (I didn’t speak a full sentence for a month and was barely able to drink with a straw long after it, so much function has been lost). Starvation and dehydration have been the terrifying normal for me for symptom management over the past three years (GI to this day didn’t solve my non-celiac tTG, severe GI complications, intussuseptions/intestines telescoping, the mucosal abnormality & plume of blood seen on one EDG, ulcers, SIBO, transient gastroparasis, bile reflux, idiopathic anaphylaxis, pain, etc., I was able to tolerate nothing but bullion and bread (glutinous bread for the EGDs) for 1.5 years. But I was gaining weight so nobody seemed to believe this. I kept telling them Celiac disease did not fit and was begging for help. The doctor didn’t even reply to messages most of the time, and held my imaging results when serious complex GI issues came up. Like when the Pillcam bounced off my duodenum x4 times and then stayed in my stomach. She sent me for X-rays and never told me or released the results. I found them in the back door method of accessing via the Mychart care document summary. 
     
    The post stroke was even less ingestion than prior and I lost 20lbs.I knew I couldn’t keep living like this, especially barely drinking, though my weight was stable for months. Neuropathic fire. Allergic type reactions ( same ones over the years sending me to ER) on the few days I decided to try to eat an actual meal. The same insane LUQ pain. So for the past >3 weeks I’ve been hydrating and consuming instant bullion again. Takes me 30 minutes to ingest a bowl or I collapse in pain. But it’s so delicious! Been putting green vegetables in it, absolutely glorious. Then the pain, face flushing and exhaustion sets in, an hour passes and the reactions get violent. So violent, consistently like clockwork. The more I ingest the more I reject. Never so bad before as this. Dangerous GI, skin and blood sugar reactions over a span of 2-4hrs, which is a highly useful diagnostic clue. Going to the ER would make sense for a normal human in such a situation, but they would only run labs and give IV fluids, neither thing helpful in diagnosis of my case given this has become chronic and daily and is due to me hydrating and trying to eat more.. At home orally replenishing the electrolytes and monitoring vitals is the current survival strategy amid awaiting appointments.
     
     I thought my episodes of weakness and needing to lay supine in dizzy exhaustion every hour or so were maybe blood sugar lows, but no. My blood pressure is chronically dangerously low (hello salt, please help while I wait on medical care + POTS testing), & the always high blood sugar is baffling. My blood sugar skyrockets from ingesting everything and the spikes correlate with when I get violently sick. The pancreatic polypeptide elevations probably have a great deal to do with this. 
     
    -Waiting on the repeat-from-almost-3-years-ago endocrinology referral for the carcinoid syndrome/neuroendocrine tumor testing( that I originally myself requested from scouring research paper DDXs three years ago after my epi-triggered, resistant anaphylaxis began and face flushing. Then loads of other things, later my allergist later saying all pointed to this after ruling out things like mast cell disorders, allergies + HAE. Now some actual biomarkers that fit).. Duke has a whole separate specialty clinic for this very thing, but for reasons beyond me the GI doctor dominated my care, took two years to reluctantly agree I didn’t have Celiac, and then abandoned my case unsolved after countless Celiac disease procedures/tests. My first really kind pediatric GI PA either was fired or quit by this doctor in 2021 when my case got complex. She tried to solve me, wanted to send me to the cancer clinic for MRIs given the tumor rumors, but didn’t get the chance. I gave my current GI doctor one last chance to try/begged for basic GI care. So now thankfully she’s not my doctor anymore, I’m getting a different provider. My mom the whole time was saying it was malpractice the way she talked to me and how the case was being dragged out/neglected/the life-threatening GI complications ignored. And my old allergist, other Duke specialists and new local geneticists were all floored by the GI doctor’s actions. I thought she was actually trying. But after every appointment she left me crying. Because my case is complex, she blamed me. It was easier. 
    I message-system debated, disproved, and forced her to remove a mental-health misdiagnosis from 2017 she had placed in Mychart in spite of knowing its falsehood. She was using this misdiagnosis to neglect solving my case. It was initially placed on my records at UNC hospital in 2017, when I was ambulanced to their pediatric ICU and barely lived due to a summer of repeat flus, chronic mystery Illness with GI issues, and the crippling dietary limitations of Alpha-gal allergy. My heart rate dropped to 32 with severe electrolyte derangement. I’d uncontrollably lost 40lbs over the summer, the only change being adding gluten back to my diet instead of rice flour. Crazy to look back on this, they did not run bloodwork for Celiac disease then.
     
    UNC removed their misdiagnosis in 2021 after getting my updated charts and genetics referrals. 
    This misdiagnosis was prior to my diseases being identified. They placed it there to legally hold me, never telling us it was on my records. Another patient saw it and told us. “ARFID”- A disorder of “extremely picky eating”. AKA, in my case: how to medically kidnap a pediatric patient with food allergies. This added insult to injury given the fact that many delicious foods would literally kill me, and it wasn’t my choice or being “picky”.The UNC doctors screamed all about how Alpha-Gal allergy didn’t exist, how they wanted to put my parents in prison. My mom told them to walk to the other side of their campus and ask the most well-known Alpha Gal researcher about it- who was a UNC allergist. On their campus. Or to call my allergist and get his lab findings. Or simply Google it. The room went silent. UNC thought my illness/allergies were fabricated by parents. Being homeschooled with learning disabilities/lower grade level than typical in school made it an even scarier situation. That’s why I had to stay impatient for three months. I was underweight so they had grounds to call CPS if my mom took me home. I was grilled by psychologists who wanted to remove me from my family on a daily basis. Everything I said was scrutinized. Even after they were educated on alpha-gal allergy, I obviously had no issues with food aside from my allergies and GI issues, and was stoked to eat (UNC hospital food is fancy!), and kept telling them I chronically felt sick. I was actually fed things I was allergic to/ordered not to be served due to upcoming/ongoing allergy tests at both UNC and countless times at the step-down hospital (they sent me there once the insurance cut coverage). They got furious with me for actually eating peanut butter when they sent it, because I wanted to speed up the allergy testing they were dragging out and see what would happen. I was fine and it was glorious! I also had genetic Ehlers-Danlos then, but we, at the time, didn’t know why I was always sick. Primary care didn’t have an answer when I went at age 9. In 2017-18 I had seizures while inpatient, was observably chronic sick and weak to the point of wheelchair use, but no one investigated it. 
     
    I stumbled across this website recently in my desperate attempts to solve my own current medical complexities:  https://alphagalinformation.org/what-is-ags/#What%20Is%20Alpha-gal%20Found%20In
    I feel inexpressibly not alone by reading the list-torrent of foods and products with mammal products & the infamous airborne reactions. None of this info was easy to access when I had AGS. I had to contact companies about processing and rely on a Facebook group via my mom’s account to not die from food. Bronchoconstriction from white sugar processed with bone char. That FB group kept me alive. My mom had to make our own laundry soap from washing soda. I washed my hair with a block of coconut soap.
    Now I’m showing this site to doctors who are unaware of the allergy/condition. Many still haven’t heard of it. One doctor at one ER in 2020 thought I said  “alpha thalassemia” instead of “past alpha gal allergy” when I was talking mid-throat closure (new idiopathic anaphylaxis) and now that’s on my permanent medical record. 
    My weird early medical era/The story of how I got Alpha-Gal allergy/syndrome:
    The whole gluten free & peanut allergy ordeals. 
    When I got noticeably weak/sick initially (over half a life ago) my mom suspected non-celiac gluten intolerance (negative tTG then, ironically, a PCP sent me to a GI doctor who had no idea what to do). And at the time my brother’s ASD challenges were becoming more apparent, 1 year prior to his formal diagnosis of what was then classed as Asperger’s. So for 3 years we three were gluten-free, in hopes of helping all parties (didn’t help me but she tried so hard!). This was prior to the era of easy allergen-labeling. My mom had a time of it baking with the grainy textures of the olden-day quality certified GF brands. We loved her rice bread but it was definitely dense. I started to have fun cooking more around this era, and the dietary restrictions created odd traditions -we had one good GF pizza crust recipe, and discovered cheesecake is a great grain free option. So that became the birthday tradition dish!  Around this time my dad chose to travel for work (only home on weekends), which was a bittersweet blessing because he harassed me chronically due to my sickness and allergies. My mom had two children with different disabilities, one getting sicker. Homeschooling them alone, no family or friends nearby, driving my dad back and forth to the airport in an area we’d just moved to for his local job a couple years prior. I don’t know how she didn’t break.
    Then the next year I began to get hives and GI reactions after peanuts and peanut butter. Allergist bloodwork and back prick panel. All negative except dust and grass. Said it couldn’t be peanut allergy. He ordered an in office allergy challenge to confirm. Ate a lot of delicious PB, started reacting just at the end of the 2hr reaction watch period. Sick in their restroom and hives breaking out. They said it was too delayed to be from the peanuts, said to keep nuts in the diet.That was in October.
    We avoided the nuts knowing this doctor wasn’t getting it. 
    In April, we decided to repeat the allergen test at home with Reese’s pieces (the delicacy of royals). 
    One handful, 30 minutes later I was on the bathroom floor gasping for breath with my throat closing off and severe GI reactions. My mom had the epipen but froze in panic-terror on the spot and just sat with me. I kept asking for water. I must have drank 20 glasses that night amid struggling for air. I don’t know how I survived that much fluid but I think it effectively, instinctively(?)flushed the allergen out of my small body. This went on until 6:00pm -12:00 am. I remember playing some kind of Draw a stickman game on my mom’s phone to cope. I wonder if my brother remembers that day. He brought a lot of water. 
    I couldn’t say the word “peanut” without bursting into tears for years after that. 
    I stopped touching doorknobs and surfaces in our kitchen because my dad refused to give up nuts-and would scare me with them intentionally. My mom couldn’t reason with him.
    Strangely- 3 years after this horrific reaction-my peanut allergy inadvertently saved my life -or at least the Epi pens for it did. When I went outside to see the new fence my parents had put up, and a tick came in with me. Found it embedded in my left upper leg one day later-lone star, shining white spot. I dug it out in a panic. My mom had previously wondered if my illness was post-Lyme disease given my health decline after a move & lots of bites. 
    Six weeks later I began to get a little shortness of breath and hives. I first noticed it on a day I’d eaten a piece of battered chicken found in the fridge. My dad had just visited my grandma, perhaps this piece of meat had been fried in peanut oil and brought from her house? How could I have so recklessly eaten it? I asked my mom about the meat. It was mom’s cooking. I said nothing and internally quivered. 
    Then a day or so later I went into a worse breathing difficulty episode, this one so bad witnessed by my parents. 
    Then another episode so bad after I baked some blueberry muffins. Suffocating and hives 30 minutes later. My mom hit me with the Epi-pen as I screamed “NO!”,  thinking it would hurt (I didn’t feel the needle at all) and to the ER we rode. 
    Then a few days later, I ate ( some homemade white bread, I think?) I was suffocating again with hives and ER repeat while we waited on an appointment with the new allergist. I’d made lists of everything I’d eaten on the days of the reactions. I thought perhaps it was “histamine intolerance” because I reacted to everything and was nearly starving to survive.
    On the first allergist visit he asked me if I'd had any recent tick bites. My jaw dropped and I almost screamed “Yes, with a white spot on its back, on my leg! I still have the scab!?”
    “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?” the quiet doctor who barely could make eye contact nearly screamed in satisfaction.
    I said no. Then he explained Alpha-gal allergy, and said he was almost certain that was what was happening to me. 
    He ran the labs and it proved true. 
    I was insanely hyperreactive. I’d not even had any directly dairy/mammal based food on the ER days. It was the white sugar which contained cow-bone-char from the bleaching process. 
    So my diet for 2.5 years was 10-20 raw/whole foods that we had to inquire about the processing of. Delicious things! Just very few of them. And every product I touched we had to contact manufacturers over. So that sums up my experience with the Alpha-Gal allergy adventure. 
    It's still hard for me to grasp. I was nearly medically kidnapped. After almost dying in the pediatric ICU. Removed from my home for three months. Held in the psych unit of the hospital (the patients never hurt me, but some threw things, flipped chairs, and screamed. There was this dark forest painted solitary confinement room the UNC nurses would lock the kids in when they were getting violent or rowdy. They'd give them sedative drugs, watch them via a camera and speak to them through a speaker. It was horrible to witness. I just stayed near the nurse station and did art/crafts where things were most peaceful/safe). Apparently this kind of thing/being blamed by doctors is common in children with EDS.  I am so grateful this can never happen again. But I did have fun drawing people’s pets and decorating the hospitals. And the nurses adopted me. ❤️
    I was (freed?) discharged in 2018, though sicker than ever and with a rather apparent abnormal stunting, but thankfully having at last outgrown the food allergies. 
    I would never darken the doors of doctors ever again. My age and gender have made medical care a nightmare. I was wrong. 2020 came, along with my body breaking entirely and undeniably. When my throat closed off, I was limping regularly, had seizures, and relented. So in 2020 me and my medical PTSD became a chronic customer of doctors.  Thankfully by this time I’d learned how to advocate for myself (MyChart messages, photographs, printed notes), read my own results, DDXs + visit notes & do my own research. And question everything. 
     
    My disease diagnoses matter more than I can say. 
    The almost six years of blame…the shame-stamp of a mental health misdiagnosis that many doctors got off the diagnostic hook with. Even knowing they were wrong, I blamed myself. Hospital hostage, underage, underweight. Medical gaslighting. I hear about people with early diagnosed genetic diseases and ponder what kind of medical care they must get. 
     
    Edit: I am also so grateful for answers as my exdad used to accuse me of faking being sick for attention/because it was inconvenient for him. Then after the long hospital stay he treated me like an object of shame. I only realized last year that he never once called me during those three months, only came briefly with my mom and brother.
     
    I so heavily relate to Amy Pond from Doctor Who.
    Waiting on doctors for years

     
    Told things weren't real

     
    But where is the crack in the universe that was sucking my life away? There was one in my old room we could never keep patched on the left corner of the door frame, humorously. Yay for moving from that house, haha!
     
    I’m free, my record is clean, my name is redeemed and I have a chance at equal care?! 
    *joytears*
     In other glorious news, I also finally have a referral to the Duke NET clinic now. I hope they'll accept my disaster case. I’m burning down bodily daily but am like 82lbs of unrefined desire to live! Closer to proper care than ever before! 
    I can never express my gratitude for my mom managing all the appointments and driving me 3-4 hours (one way) on her days off every so often. And now monitoring/recording my vitals after I attempt a meal and it mugs me instead. 🫠
    “Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill.”
    “And I don't really care if nobody else believes,
    'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me”
    General goofery and jollytimes to attain equilibrium and good-spirits to sign off with!:

    (P.S. Sadly I did not knit the groundhog, 'tis a GIF. Also, more importantly many wellwishes from Mum)
  5. Mushy the Mushroom
    Buy your daughter LEGO, and she may (try to) rebuild your home one day?
    My grandfather rebuilt it first. Enormous gratitude to the family friends who we owe our lives to! And countless other helpers!
    Home is also not 100% done and I have zero perspective on what it looks like to others!
    It's been an insane one year process here. Former animal hoarder home.

    **Cannot continue chronicling without content warning.**
    Links contain descriptions and pictures of unsafe living conditions for all life forms (aside from vermin, perhaps), slight discussion of suffering/poor treatment of both humans and animals, a plethora of questionable building tactics brought on by necessity, collective incoherence of a chronically ill, no skill carpenter, and plenty of projects not recommended to try at home.
    I have no idea if I’m allowed to post this here, or anywhere online, honestly. We lived it and cleaned it, but certainly did not approve of the unfortunate and peculiar occurrences. Extreme apologies if not allowed!
     
    Doc/Story link:
    A Hundred-Year Old House of Horror…? 
     
     
     
    (Links have more photos of after, before & during renovations.)
    Porch

     
    Foyer, Stairs & Hall.

     
    Living & Sun Room

     
    Office

     
    Hall Bath

     
    The Big Bedroom

     
    Basement

     
    Kicthen & Dining

     
    Laundry Room

     
    Upstairs Foyer & Closet

     
    The Royal Retreat

     
    The MushRoom

     
    The Sam Suite

     
    Outside

    ♫Through the dark, through the door
    Through where no one's been before
    But it feels like home
     
    There's a house we can build
    Every room inside is filled
    With things from far away 
     
    They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy 
    They can say, they can say I've lost my mind 
    I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy 
    We can live in a world that we design♫

  6. Mushy the Mushroom
    And wrappings, wildlife, & celebrating life!
    Yes, yay,  hello, some yellow! 
    I missed May , June’s come so soon! 
    I absolutely forgot to bright/lighting edit lots of these photos, oh no!
     
     
    Speedy little something for my 95(?) year old  *granny’s birthday - *She rented a house to my parents in prehistoric times, and pseudo-adopted my mom, bro and I.  Odd to think we haven’t seen her in-person in centuries due to moves and medical crises on behalf of both parties. Like magic, mail and modern communications! 
    *mortified by my exposed stitching on its back*
    4hrs on the first try. Felt Baby duck drafted, buoy bubbles, envelope content hint! 

     

     
    Bigger bunch of babies!
    Because it’s uncanny how many times a small gift seems needed, so stashed some up for their season. 
    2.5 hrs each
     

     
    Bonnet baby, a brain-vacation creation. Hummel figurine & “what style would my mom fancy” inspired. Stashed for Christmas, currently. 
    6.5hr doll, 7hr outfit. All handsewn.


     
    Scribble edits for dear decency! 
    *the downfalls of dollmaking* 
    Now feeling so silly for realizing center-folding pencil drawn half patterns and running my fingernails along it results in perfectly easy symmetry. 
     
     

    If people knew that I cut up zip lock bags for the plastic on these, would it be frowned upon? 
     

    Homeschool at Harvest- 8x10” -122hrs total, drawing hrs: ? (written down somewhere and I’ve forgotten).
    Acrylic, colored pencil, pencil, workable fixatif on watercolor paper.
    For my mom, her 51st birthday. And her first-in-ages birthday of being free! Inspired by her art style…and her giving up her whole entire being to do everything for the family.

    I learned lapdesk painting! I don’t think I can ever be satisfied with any of my art-always could use just a few more details and I never know when to end!
    Only spilled my paint jug once and had one weird one-week episode of hyper swollen index finger. 

     
    Baby fruits & wrappings sponsored by Stuff I Scavenged.
     
     

     
    Original very rough/scary sketch because planned to paint:

    And a little flower child for her, too. 4x6(?)” 12hrs.
    In truth I was quite ashamed of my slow, rough work here, I was having a severe episode of spine pain and was barely able to sit upright to do this. Propped the lapdesk on pillows because I couldn’t look down. Because of those tears and begging my mom to call a doctor, fortunately neurology saw me unplanned the next day, and I got the right referrals at last
    .
     
    Appointments allabout, a bit of a burnout from exhaustion and writing a 60+ page long medical timeline (More specialists at this point than my memory cells!). I actually found a forgotten, very important note from my allergist (who I owe my life to, as he diagnosed me with Alpha-Gal initially) last year about steps after the Celiac disease debacle was ruled out! Which means back to endocrinology again for Carcinoid/Neuroendocrine tumor evaluation/hunt… just like nearly 3 years ago when I asked for that referral myself for that highly suspect/fitting thing, after turning scientific papers and DDXs inside out trying to survive. It’s the only thing I’ve found that could explain the idiopathic anaphylaxis that worsens and is actually triggered by epinephrine. Even the new dental Epi reactions. Countless matches. That’s why endocrine did the PET scan in 2021, because they did later find high pancreatic polypeptide in my blood. But then the tTG/celiac elevation threw the Duke doctors into the clear error of Celiac. So close now, narrowing it down at least! And the doctors are listening at last. Grateful to say I also had a surprise genetics cancellation last Wednesday! It was initially in late August and I questioned if I could make it. Apparently this clinic orders their tests through the Invitae site which surprised me.  Wonder if we’ll ever figure out why my blood type is “impossible”/wrong based on my parent’s types? (Yes, my exdad is sadly my true biological father. B+ plus  O+ equals me, the A+ mutant. Bro is afraid of the needlestab so doesn’t know his type.) . First experience with sample collection from mouth swab instead of blood draw. Duke draws dozens of vials.   
    I tried to eat a few days ago after nothing for four extra nausea weeks. Ow. Brain badly wants food but the body rejects. I’m quite bad at this Human thing, I’m afraid. 
    My vitamin B12 is now skyrocketing without any supplements & inadequate nutrition, so yay for more clues.  And the cardiac MRI the other day saw that my GI arteries were “crimped”. Surprising that it even visualized so low. I now need a repeat ultrasound of that situation apparently the next appointment slot is next month. Always pleasantly surprised when unexpected answers arrive! And glad that repeatedly falling asleep (while headphone hearing PTX Christmas songs) in the MRI tunnel (when I was supposed to be holding my breath) didn’t ruin the imaging!
     
    Wish I could post the other mombirthday gifts and cake, but waiting as it reveals the renovated/decorated room, and I am unsure of whether the parent legal stuff is fully signed yet, so staying on the safe side (..and the restraining order + law enforcement custody of the weapons runs out tomorrow as well.)
     
    Meanwhile, baby walnut waffs:
     

    And a neighbor from our old life visited, I got very much excited and made a little party feast. Flaky pastry cheddar drenched baby quiches, roasted sweet potatoes, flatbread chips and cream cheese Italian dip, and a colony of cookies! Lemon oatmeal + ginger crisps. 

    my enthusiasm always outweighs my judgment…crash, cripple, crawl up, continue! 
     
    Very grateful my mom has for many years let me cook all the things. So therapeutic. Trying to learn better wheelchair setup methods & recipes now. I don’t really know what typical North Americans enjoy eating due to my hectic health and food allergy history. I need to study the eating habits of humans further. 
     
    *Run-on sentence timeline* Gluten & dairy free (non celiac, my mom thought it may help) for 2 years, then peanut free also (with negative peanut bloodwork, skin prick & assurances from allergist… then I almost suffocated in a six hour long anaphylactic reaction.. 30 minutes post- peanut ingestion) we resumed dairy, 1 more year passed then my mom started gluten again but only fermented/sourdough, 2.5 years passed and then I got Alpha-Gal tick bite mammalian product allergy-and as a biproduct I alone became gluten free again due to cross contamination (and only could eat around 10-15 raw ingredients. Made myself coconut milk from hull-on raw coconuts, ground raw rice for “flour” through a coffee grinder. )  2.5 years passed then I had outgrown both peanut and Alpha-Gal allergy and had negative labs, then about 2.5-3 years of getting to eat anything, then 2020 brought worsening illness with the whole “body rejecting all food, inability to digest, GI telescoping, bleeding intestines , SIBO, transient gastroparesis, idiopathic anaphylaxis and no hunger” era that I’m still in. 
     
    So grateful I can touch/cook all the foods safely now! Oh my gosh, glutenous flour is baking dream. Also so nice to not need to basically bolt mid-recipe when an angry/hungry person terrifyingly invades the personal space. A lot of years of that. And having the foods I was severely (even airborne) allergic to grabbed/waved over my head and the allergen-free foods/kitchen space. Trying not to be terrified of being in the kitchen with others. Or apologize excessively for being in the room. Or being afraid of cooking for others because of a very…selective? eater. I’m not as scared to bake for people as sugary stuffs were never rejected so much. 
    Progress! It’s unimaginably peaceful and safefeeling to exist now.
     
    Freshly learned a more comfy foot free sewing setup. My lapdesk has adjusty legs. Now I can use the wall as a back support and stretch out the legs and sew with nearly zero body movement! (Photo 2 is leather patcher feeling aptly neglected.)

    I’d been longing to make a leather bag and wallet for my mom for ages now. The opportunity arrived at the acquisition of a generous octogenarian’s leather jacket + some old blue swatches I had from a local market. Lining doesn’t match so well but it’s my mom’s favorite color and what I had. Kind of dubbing this a “flop” because imperfections, some of which were from limited materials. 
    Wow, these photos are dark, apologies 
     

     
    Leather patcher was too difficult for me to operate when this tired, and the leather was just thin enough to machine sew with an 18 needle. Basting because slippy. 
    Hammerable leather tape to stick together prior to sewing. Used to press open seams on bag as well.  Tis a bit challenging as the needle will gum up and jam if it punctures the tape. No energy to tangle with leather patcher and crying from spine pain, so I fashioned a makeshift mini awl from exacto knife &  needle for pre punching hand sewing holes. Hands were too weak to saddlestitch so I ran two lines of running stitches along it, and sewed decor embroidery to hide any messy stitches. Hand punched and sewn blanket stitching on bag top as it was too thick for regular machine there. Fun thing about leather is getting to hammer it instead of ironing as you would with fabric. Very blessed to be surrounded by people who do not hear or care if I’m hammering at 1-4 am. 

    18hrs on wallet,
    13hrs on bag.
    Slow..but I get there! 
     
     
    Grandchild of the lapdesk giver. No online image is 100% safe from my reference craving clutches…if either public domain or justified theft for art gifts…
    8x10”, 8.5hrs. Pencil, mechanical pencil + workable fixative. 

     
    Same size and supplies, 23hrs this time. My bro! Slow + scratchy, done post-party cooking crash. 
    Loved a good leafpile. forgot to crop this, oops!
     
     

    Fauna frolics at the forest fairy farmhouse:
    (May contain fragments of broken English FB broadcast-bother to a brother)
     
    • 13+ baby bears ruling the kingdom, many about about the leaning green barn:
    My mom is officially car chauffeuring caught groundhogs. And perhaps future-abandoning that method as they’ve figured out how to unlock the cage. Seducing them with strawberries! And cantaloupe rinds, wholesome fare for the adorable masterminds. Many mountainfolk here call them "whistle pigs” and eat their meat..we’ve opted to instead set ours free. The only form of whole animal cleaning I’ve done is baby octopus (for Takoyaki). 

     
    •Danger noodles are in no short supply:

    A mirthful neighbor even stopped to observe the dark character’s inexplicable reserve during its bath. 
     
    •Something was chirping melodiously in our chimney.
     
    •The wacky window woodpecker:

    I hit the bay window 12 ft from me, screaming and beating its wings on it again ….and I might have screamed too.
     
    Love these children. Need to make more fashions for them. Made a big ridiculous thing for them a few days ago. Soon to picture that happymess. Bandana bibs may have once been made for doggy stroller walk wear. 

     

     
    Better backlog the new, never know how many or few. 
     
    May your day be easy peasy, if you so please! Thanks again for dropping in! 


    (Also, sorry for nonsensical notes as is my normal now!)
    ( & for some reason it's throwing dupe images down here and I don't know how I managed to break my blog...my apologies..)

  7. Mushy the Mushroom
    March, oh my, almost flown by, I feel like the March Hare shouting "I’m late!" for my pretend post-date!
    Present proceedings:
    -Traumatic almost ends to a toxic situation.
    Thankful that the terriblest times typically cannot precisely recur in a particular person’s story.
    -Unrelated double ER day did damages that aren't bandaged, too drained to explain, brain & body badly bumbling since. Eating, drinking, moving, sleeping, thinking, I’m brilliantly bad at all that. But breathing, and I have usable hands!  Drowning in Duke doctors doing their best to diagnose some suspected ultra rare “root disease” of the speedily sprouting idiopathic secondaries. 
    (Fr e e s o c k s + six(?) hours of waiting room weave while watching other patients leave
    + CannotSeeAThingInThisDarkCarDoodle and the “Ran out of yarn, paper cranes to amuse that toddlerpatient” to keep hands busy & mind sane! Inexpressibly obliged to have a mom, always there, uncontainable care. I wish everyone had a mom, what gift could be more golden?)

    -Life is a lovely thing to live around people positive! 
    -I haven't touched a dead rat or nest all year! I’ve been very good. Rarely doing limpy late night ladder leaps these days, you see. Only minor chairclimbing for curtains!
    -Our windowside wildflowers are blooming. Springs seem sunnier here, I wonder if it’s the mountainous elevation or pure imagination.

    -Chronic midproject making madness missions marching forth! Even a couch can be a creative chariot *lapdesk lightning bolt power* with essentially endless enchanted art endeavours to edit!
    Significantly surprising when ~half I've made I simply forget exists at this point, haha. 
    -Phone of my own for photos! Thankfully a retired one that will never, ever ring (meaning hauling me into a hermit-hiding fit from it at home. Guessing that the former years of ~7 daily pointless phone calls from one individual could have contributed to the recoiling? ) It wasn’t difficult to phoneless document projects prior, as 24/7 access was warmwelcomed as my mom was always around. Inexpressible appreciation! Miss her lots. Sorry for fuzzy Fire-tablet photos in the mix here. And shadowy shots. And if these possibly oversized images are harming the site?
     
    Specks to show, but back to sewing small.  A game of “Can I sew this fast and beat the neuropathic fire, lefty foot limpness & edema fluid before it fills my feet? ” Wonder if supine machine sewing is achievable. The adventures of adaptation! *EDIT:    
    Just yesterday I figured out a floorflop footless footpedal function to be used from now on. Relief! Power!


     A tale of Tatooine twins. To begin!
    Once upon a not far away time...a noble lady noted a night of Star Wars watching amongst the nice folk of the workplace. An uncanny correlation of conversation! For the leader of the league had of late procured a pair of undesired plastic persons in a collection lot, bought from an "extra" actress in the Star wars films.  Once upon ages ago in a home far, far away...a little human became absurdly obsessed with Star Wars. This was thanks to a Lego Xbox game from a grandfather, the fisherman one. She so longed for a certain little Leia doll, but no luck did fall, due to the tag on that specifically splendid ‘70s doll.
    This is that 1978 doll. Sent to me without being sought out at all.
    Hysterical happiness! I daresay- miraculous! Not that material things matter much, but such meaning and memories the plastic molds can hold!
     Little video of my dear death star duo:
     

    \


    Referred permanently for robe rehab. I reminisced over my days of doll doovers inspired by the Tree Change Dolls and then did the daring thing-repainting!  
    A catastrophe in the collector's eyes?
    But done with love, and so far, no lighting has punished me from above. The generous giver wanted to see the makeover, and remarkably- wasn't angry! Actually pleased!? 
    *
    Untimed project due to being out of practice+physical flops/post ERs project pause for weeks.
    Absenteeism of old faces by acetone.
    Repainted the faces, bodies and limbs with acrylic craft paint. Used various PC pictures as a skin color guide for overriding the orange aura. I fear their complexions are not perfect, but bumbled as best I could, and their kind natures are quite good. Sealed with Jo Sonja's matte brush on varnish.  Sewed and gelled Leia's cinnamon buns back. Drafted their clothes from paper towel + tape test garments. Leather scrap accessories, mostly handsewn.
    Shoes also paper-towel drafted and held on with baby rubber bands…because it's a supply I storage-scavenged.

    And a drive link with WIP pics: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1xROTDk3lRt0JFEGLurrp2h1ZKrECQtvS asI had this already to send to the giver and was too tired to properly post all pictures.
    The Skywalker family is uncanny in its relatability to me. Siblings with the same first letter of names, one fancy, one a family-farm-dweller, the dangerous dad, the moral mom made miserable for it, and the abnormal lack of other family members to stop the tragedy.

    So, sew, totoro!
    The story of how this spirit sprouted: I naturally was making a preliminary pattern for Agnes’ Fluffy Unicorn in the form of a costume suit for The Baby, as you do. This was a post-paper bean, old t-shirt-first test subject I’d already mentally trashed. 
    Video because overabundant pictures:


     


    But then by some miraculous twist, it looked okay and was Totoro-tone. So, ears, faux fur and leather, and braided embroidery thread whiskers (hooked on sewing machine needle during braid for neatness). And the tiny, hand beaded, machine-veined tree toupee! Dear knowledgeable ones, is it truly an Akita leaf as this one article says https://www.laitimes.com/en/article/vioe_w7d3.html ? 
     

     
    .
     

     
    Was the wandering wheelchairless weirdo for these photos, thus not at all pro. Wish I weren’t too weak for a serious stop motion production. Late January. A fine feeling to breathe the arbor-aroma after days of complete crippled couch confinement! Never understood why adults don't climb trees typically, I’d live in one if my legs would allow it! Russian yew tree twigs, Alaskan blown glass buoy orbs brought from my grandparents’ + mom’s major move, many moons ago.
     
    @Bambi has first-rate create recommendations. 
    “June 19, 2022: Now you just need a Mimikyu to go with that Pikachu. ”
    Thanks for 3hrs of thread therapy! 

    Bit-sized butterflies! And feather from dear Brownie, my once-duck-baby we had to leave behind.


    Cannot remember the contents.  Two months was a terribly long time ago! Did I already share this shot?
    …hmm, art was in this! *subtracts points from senility score with laughable satisfaction*
     
    Mermaid-ish mom top made from a precut back in the basement residence. French seams and such.

     
    Bakes thanks to new backbrace need (and wheelchariot, so weird to remember cooking without it.) Caramel crumb cookies and yeastroll feast, not properly planned in the least but for a birthday of our benevolent once-basement-hosts!
    Sprinkley spontaneity party from September! 

     
    And bake box for momcoworkers. Three am tablet photos being triumphant, of course. 

    So spine shattering and shortness of breath inducing, sadly. Shouldn’t be doing extra stuff, but suffering for special occasions-other people treats is a pretty sweet pretend occupation to me! 
    Used to want to be a pastry chef prior to the allergic to everything adventures. But thankfully also a costume designer, a toy maker, Jedi, and an artist of course, so no sadness stayed once that idea strayed. At this point I’m thinking being a fairy godmother or a grandma-minus-the-family would be the most wondrous and well-suited dream career. #1 has the wings for optimum mobility, and how nice it would be to be invisible, unknown, free, far-away, in a forest fairy village making tiny gifts for all ze humans at all hours, and dropping them at doorsteps on phantom runs. #2 matches my mobility and eccentric octogenarian interests. Unremitting time & things to invent when repelled by traditional entertainment/television!
     
    Oh yes! Some tutorials tied up, hoping they aren’t too topsy-turvy for typical translation: 
     
     
     
    *Still silently with Greg on this and esteem them as best friends* 

     
    Wow, this is wackily harder to organize words. Sorry for the near-nonsense.
    Art assemblages wait until next time, I go crumble like an overcrisp crippled cookie now.
    Care, cheerfulness and imaginary confectioneries to all!  Wishing you a superb start of spring!
     

    *adoring that magic wand duster far more than I should*

    Probably going to regret not proofreading this later.
  8. Mushy the Mushroom
    …Salutations, sitefolk! Below is an essentially unedited (aside from forgotten fobs and photographs) Saturday write that was delayed due to a hectic hospital health fright the same night. I beg pardon for this whole nonsensical note. Numb, mumbling meager sentences, but I am mostly the master of my own muscles once more! Beyond brilliant to be back!
    (Also I forgot How To Blog and realized these images may be offensively oversized? I ordinarily email them to myself to auto-resize, my brain is fried. And I assembled it in Docs and plopped it over here..Will fix it if it is problematic! I absolutely should not be online in this condition and am struggling to speak in full sentences.) 
     
     
    A cautionary cue: 
    The following content contains more than traces of cognitive impairment. And cortisol. I relate to Oxley from Indiana Jones, incoherently rambling over his wall drawings with the utmost deranged zeal at this point. I must apologize for your eyes. 
    Some pencil drawings….that I’m not particularly proud of. Out-of-practice and trying to relearn/draw during weird new weakness episodes. Wheelchairs are wonderful, as is being able to use mine on these floors now, basically bedridden without it now.
    Owl as my brother’s gift. Started doing 8x10’s (my scanner is small) and sealing them with Art fixatif pre-scan. 

     
    And my brother (as a baby) for my mother’s gift! 3x5”?/standard small print photo size
    .
    And my mother, I never thought to draw her before!  8x10”
    At Duke Chapel during a doctor day. Living locally we’d never been, but I guess moving made it more of an event? 


     
    Little bun’ for fun. 4x6”.

    Thank you cards too!



    This one was for a salt-block rock lamp starring itself in felt because… uncreative!


     
    And hook-handle bags, a refresher in cotton construction.



     
    When the mind finds a fish out of fabric.



    Oh, and small squiddy embroidery decor for my bro. Absolute spontaneity, as the stitching may reveal to thee! 
     


    A glow and a gleam of seams, gold threads fit for a dainty dryad!
    A bare-bones with a bear stop motion attempt. No interesting bits but a vivacious brain vacation. 
    Feathers of fur, a wee winter outfit for her.
    But perhaps if the season does lapse, immortalized ice queen to dance in a dream. Not nearly so nightly as the Narnian nightmare, I daresay.
    Harp and harmonious hums so heavenly.



     
    A little locket, my people in a pocket! I longed for one but never out loud. Lo and behold, an acquaintance of my mother bestowed this trinket gold.


     

     
    Balloon snowballs, fur for wings and flooring from an old dancing Santa decoration’s coat.
    Blanket stitch bead border, braided embroidery threads straps.
    .

     

     
    Gold lame from my mom's prom dress, that became my random gut-and-patch-together dress (Long ago! I added about 3” length from another scrap to it after this picture. This fabric was an unraveling atrocity hahaha) and I still had some left. 

    The problem with “fancy” human clothes is never using them because being at home. And home is the dreamland of deconstructing old things, crawl mopping (It’s easier!), delicious messes, and many a graphite demise of a good garment. But the toys are tidy. The idea of pinafores delights me. I hope to try this because why not create one’s own fairytale reality?
    Concept art carried upon perhaps the smollest stack of sticky’s. Online ordering and the adorable Alice-in-Wonderlandian accidents!

    Lace and ceramic church from my late grandma's basement. A distant cousin's social media post was how I discovered this, as a freak instinct to check Facebook that day swept over me. I'm sorry for them, for me it was not soaking in. My sensible sibling was stalling on calling.
    The last time I saw her was in court. The first I was in the wheelchair in her presence. I couldn't speak to her. On some shelf in the back of my mind, I ponder if the family-fall-apart cut short her time. I am grateful to have visited her and that pleasant peachtree place for the last time in 2019. The distance, health deterioration, long hospitalization and high risk of food allergy shock locked us out of her life. She taught me a lot in spite of it, and I hope to see her again without the weight of the world's burdens.

    *Old-art oh-no* 

    Then our pug, aged 14 died within the following two weeks, and my ENT surgery crescendo couch ridden comatose was sandwiched in between. 
    Pug was a parking lot pup my family scooped up, seemingly a holiday-gift stray. With our band of misfits he nicely fit! I don't think the drywall dust was good for his lungs given his trachea issues, but nothing could be done. I didn't have a mask either, but there are so many things one only must do once. Like that not-so-long-ago midnight-thirty mess.  My mom came home horrified from work to find me collapsed in a cloud of drywall dust with my electric sander in hand, too weak to stand up. At the base of a six foot ladder with smothered smoke alarms sounding off . Sometimes I just have to laugh at the horror..and sleep on the floor because insufficient energy to shower. But that carpentry chapter is over!
     
    I couldn't cry over the departures though, a perplexing personal paralysis that began years ago. To mechanically throw the bad feelings out the window.
    At Thanksgiving I feasted on tears. All of them, all day, somehow triggered by the parade? 
    Life has been better since, as though reality is balanced. That perfect pendulum inevitably must rise and fall even if it feels like you've lost it all. An avalanche of uplifting events are occurring, but it’s still too rushed. So hard to hush!
    In the midst of this, my medical madness has merged into multiple diagnoses. Two years of major tests later, grateful to be getting a grasp. 
     
    2022 was a tad like tumbling down the rabbit hole to arrive at a better end. Convalescence in every sense?   
    2023 has started with a deep and proper happy for me, and I wish the genuine same for any reader who came!

    *ignores pile of unedited artthings, drags out old photo of baby ducks instead*

    *Imaginary effect of the Maytime Muscovy coos of my cherished children*






     
  9. Mushy the Mushroom
    Ho ho...oh?
    How can it be already the season of snow? Here, a whole year, where did it go? But quite ready to wrap up a broken year with a bow!  
    Perhaps court again for fuzzy reasons won't be so bad if I pretend it's like Miracle on 34th street. At least it's the 15th, not the Eve.
    Edit, Oh dear, just in, we don’t have to go in person?
    Well, this is good news!
    [Sorry for some dark and grainy Fire tablet photos mixed in below. It's a mess here, I'm afraid.]
    Anyway, Let it Snow leopard cards, (sadly not a special seasonal scene) made just like last year's.

     
    (last year making process here)
    And some from the accident order photo prints of a 9x12” (wait, perhaps smaller?) bird painting from 2019. Embarrassed to post my old art always. For my mom’s workpeople because they’ve not seen it before.
    13 of berry bird. 12, I think, of the cat.





     

    Coffee jar sweater because dark car, hands needed task. Also because this is the only form of to-go cups we own, so at least it feels loved. One day we will own more than four forks! Wish I could buy my mom all the forks. Fifty-year-olds deserve forks. Didn’t plan to be domestic refugees. That being said, I cannot count the miracles we’re in the midst of and I plan to make a list of!

     
    Drafted some new little ornament gift designs. Made from the longlasting stack of stiff felt sheets, some normal felt, permanent glue stick, beads and embroidery threads. I was fortunate enough to have the insomnia exacerbated during a two-day hotel stay for doctor visits, so got time to sew! Apparently the hotel wasn't wonderous by normal people standards, but it was such an event for me who hadn't stayed in a hotel since a vacation 8 years ago! Weird to come to the realization of being considered medically "homebound", pretty much how most of my memorable life has been but the health issues kept changing.
     
     
    About three or four hours each for these, dividing time totals.
    100 minutes to make (excluding cutting/design time) each rooster.



     
     
    Bee for my mom, an untimed anesthesia incapacitation creation.
     

     

     
    Got to make a few other littlegifts, but  haven’t edited the photos yet. It’s a brainshattering luxury to get to create things again, things I choose, things that aren’t for any need or practical reason. In September I finished a small drawing that was frozen unfinished from basementfloor and airbed boarding. After all the various unusual  life threatening experiences over the years, I was amazed to find grinding graphite lines into paper throwing me into irrational panic. “Are my hands too damaged? Did I forget how to do this?”. Glad to be wrong. Gratefully growing the graphite garden again. Finally slowly working on one of my three unfinished LEGO projects that got abandoned. Painting from tubes, not buckets, such a privilege!
     

    Festive food feels photoworthy after months of an almost empty pantry. I feel guilty in this area as I wasn’t personally suffering due to the absent appetite from medical metabolic mess.

     
    *The I Had No Supplies But Still Tried Collection*
     

     
    Remade the dynamite barnbox...

     
     
     It was originally for Pops, but she is afraid to use her own feet to hop over things still. Four years ago she was a circling-swimming-pool-piranha pup, in this very room. Being eaten alive by a brigade of fleas.
    What a blessing to be back in our hometown!
     

    *sneak peek of painted floors… because you find a way if you’re presently poor, even if it’s crawling and falling with paintbrushes galore*
    And real wrapping paper, in honor of friends and momcoworkers. 

    *more painted floors*
    Because for our little family, now three in total you see, I had only the Amazon shipping paper and some butcher string that was free, haha. Lots more than these, but paper was wrinkly!
     

    🎶Brown paper packages tied up with strings 🎶
    Basically this is just an entry to wish ye merriness and try to um remember how to do this !
    😊
    PS
    The Baby is alive and well, being extremely busy.  Poor thing has been neglected!

    Oh! And, it sat to rest in the sawdust and was polite enough to allow a picking up!

    Hi from Sir Willis, who I want to believe is an Axolotl .

     
     
     
     
  10. Mushy the Mushroom

    Gobbles, Graphite and Gratitude!

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    still alive somehow!
    Oh how blessed to be blogging! Even for a slight scrap of an entry, for it feels as though it’s been a century. Six months have slipped by in this adventure, under six more and current content shall be censored no more. In light of upcoming bird-day, I simply couldn’t shy away!  
    Little, tired scrapbook styled cards. Drawn ink doodle original, then the printed b&w and filled with colored pencil. Only 4. Sewn on chicken feather.


     
    I haven’t a smidge of insight on what exactly this copper hollow object was originally. I found it in the crooked creekside green barn, naturally befriended it as a prospective pumpkin. 
    Sanded, Barkeeper’s Friend shiny scrub, sewing machine sewn stemish stuff.

     
    And might grab the low-light graphite scans! Well, actually some are photos because no scanner access then.
    Done in May during definitely the worst week of my life, in someone’s shadowy basement. Guilt inherent, couldn’t pay rent, nor could my parent, nor would any take it. So, “Art, must make it!”.
    Rushed art crushed my detailing ideals. I would say I’m ashamed, but hey, at this point I cannot believe we’re still at all sane. 
    9x12”
    1967 Chevelle, apparently. Thanks, Deputy. Seriously.

    Minis, 4x6’s
    Convenient when portraits are publicly hanging around houses. Reference from tablet photos of photographs. 

     
    From a weathered wallet size fauna photo set.
    Bear baby- I now see I scanned in in too-low res, will redo eventually.

     
    Deer- Looks like maybe too low quality scanned too? RIP if so, gave it to a helper.

     
    Owl- This one was actually done at pasthome in April. First discovery work of “I can sharpen the mechanical pencil graphite bit finer in an open regular pencil sharpener?!”   

    I completely forgot these existed until sorting out my costume and art trunk the other day. Is existential amnesia a thing? Six months, the number of our identities slumber. I’ve role-called in as the ragamuffin renovation & rat carcass removal robot, and given its continuation, it pervades my every thought. But the projects, to my ability, are vehemently vanishing. I can honestly say it's almost done and we somehow survived. I do apologize for the mandatory vagueness of all this, words are so powerless with no pictures to go with. Feebly, in disbelief, I’m rejoicing, starting to remember me, it feels so happy. Much more importantly to me, that same personhood phenomenon blazes in the eyes of someone who had absolutely lost her illusion of life. I truly like it, humanity. It’s beautiful, being alive. 
    And I give a great gratitude to this dear old site. The raffles/contests here have literally made my year. It always felt comforting to me, here. So often my circumstances have uncontrollably crashed, but here stands this little relic of a community, rather unchanged. Virtual hugs, dear life, and what is left of BZP. Thanks to thee!
    “ ‘Dear old world', she murmured, 'you are very lovely, and I am glad to be alive in you.’ ” — L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables.
  11. Mushy the Mushroom

    108+ Hours: Snow Leopard

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    fairytale ramblings
    Hello! A scan of Snow. Audiobooks and art do jolly the heart!
    9x12, watercolor paper, pencil and acrylic.
    Drawing time: unknown, very undetailed sketch from years ago.
    Painting time: 108 hours.
    My scanner also has snipped off the edges here and no time to splice it.
    *afraid to upload higher quality due to uncertainty about the current content size limits.*

     
     
    Done in 30 minute to one hour bursts (Gauze and braces to control the hand swelling/protests).
     

     
     
    The wacky way my mind apparently sees fit to document time...please no one check my addition.
    *cringing at the crude sketch*
     

     
     Finished in May before things went to utter dismay for a way. I won’t miss that wicked week of sleeping on shifts for safety. Hopefully legalthings will be settling, it’s so much bettering! Court ordered support, food is good, and using the window AC because it was in the 90s inside. My soul does sing, secret projecting, for such joy comes with rejecting all other things, for fast progress it brings! 
    In fairytales it somehow seems easy, you see. It seems such villains only dare to disown stepdaughters and such, for it’s much more merciful to believe that blood is stronger than water. And the betrayers of trust seem nearly always blown away as little gusts of dust. Instead of the reality looking over one’s shoulder, but that’s when one can believe they’re surrounded by an army of invisible soldiers! 
    I so do miss this dear dreamland of clockwork composed castles in the beaches of blog sand, but I understand that if I get writing, it’s absolutely igniting and I’m afraid I’d better wait just to be extra safe! (The predicament of being a happy hermit who hardly speaks a bit, this is my outlet. Those fairytale-fumblings, photo-fueled written fits. And can I use my words at all, if without some rhythm they fall? I often wonder if it gets on the nerves, if anyone might observe. If so, I apologize for any anguish over my singsong language. 
     
    *imaginary frolicking and bursting at the seams with a continual project photoverload of Things I Shouldn’t Be Doing piling up* 
     
    Thankfully right before bolting I did get another diagnosis(ish), autoimmune UTCD, due to positive ANA combined with all the other abnormal blood antibodies, so two connective tissue diseases now it seems. *Relief mingled with flashbacks of “Yay, it’s a true thing and nobody is furious for it and telling me it’s not real?!” What a wonderful world where weakness won’t be weaponized. I think I’m in that world now? At least safe in our own house! Successfully made the first eight hour, four appointment doctor daytrip at three different hospital locations in our 18 year old car the other day. Overwhelmed with gratitude that my mom is willing to wake & take me at three in the morning. And it’s lovely to get to do some art in the car, because the obsessive new-not-yet-allowed-to-talk-about projecting I am delightedly taking too far. We even remembered to pack the wheelchair! A treat because anymore the wheels get stuck on the stray nails in the “floor”, but hopefully staggering about is…strengthening? I wondered how bad the bloodwork would be, given the …haha.. uh…living conditions life's thrust upon us. But I promise now it’s at the level where it wouldn’t be condemned! Merely multiplying Monocytes. It may have been far worse! Neurology was…interesting. They think the problems are small fiber neuropathy, and are planning to do an EMG and muscle biopsy. Hoping Gabapentin will not make me a sloth, but sleeping more than four to six hours every 20 sounds miraculous. Also learned I cannot lift my toes which is odd to process. ENT dr.  #1 did reference eye scans at last to ensure Plaquenil doesn’t destroy my vision (escape equaled canceled appointment.) ENT dr. #2 was much more skilled at using the nasoscope than the prior person. Tip-top when terror goes to waste! They plan to take my tonsils and the adenoids because of infection. Antibiotics again. So strange, antibiotics all about lately. I have another dentist now and they prescribe pre meds every time to prevent endocarditis/infection? Now wondering if it was slightly scary that the swelling tooth infections weren't medicated at my old dentist, rather mysterious.
     
    Okay, done rambling, real reason for beloved blogging is because I recklessly worked to the point where I couldn't walk again and resting was dull I have another 8hr drive daytrip for the fifth diagnostic GI procedure where they’re putting me under again is approaching. A tad precarious given the weirdness various, so a bit of art to show before I go! 
     
    New friend groundhog must visit the blogs!
    He has a hole there, just stands and stares.
    *terrible tablet pic*

    And a little oldhouse frog!

    🎶Just Thinking About Tomorrow
    Clears Away The Cobwebs And The Sorrow 'Til There's None
    The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow
    So You Gotta Hang On 'Til Tomorrow, Come What May 🎶
  12. Mushy the Mushroom
    A Curious Collection of Child-Created Plushies 
    (A photo backlog blog with redundant writing style. Compiled during the precious few minutes of freetime in the car. Editing sponsored by poor quality control and insomnia.)

    Once upon a world ago, when I first began teaching myself to sew and draft patterns for plush toys, my mom mentioned I should take a photo with myself and all these curious critters I’d dreamed (dragged?) into existence.
    At the time I said I couldn’t because they were yet-to-be-given gifts and a group gathering would risk ruining the surprise. 
    There are individual photos stashed away on some forgotten/lost USBs somewhere. 
    Many of these plush people were deployed to grandmothers, distant family others, but most rest with parents and brother. Clusters stand guard about the house, but they’re preponderantly a trunk troop these days. Today they’ve assembled for photo play.
    I used to feel guilty over giving these because they were all only plushies-and I had no knowledge of how to sew/make anything else for gifts, this was all I knew to do to show my love for my people. How gracious were the recipients-nobody ever laughed. I used to be so terribly afraid I’d not have time to make gifts when grown, as I was incredibly slow, and for some reason would always attempt to make 3 plush toys each for both my parents and brother every Christmas.  I usually started pouring over them as soon as the year began and it was entertainment grand in the midst of flipped sleep.
    To this day I’ve never followed a store-bought/premade pattern, didn’t think to look up real methods/books for sewing, and some of these funny friends are a testimony of how much that would have improved the quality therein, instead of merely human patience. Felt sheets, as one may observe, falls victim to fuzzing quite frightfully with wear.
    Prior to all this: 
    *why …do we still… have this 😆*

    ...I gave my dad... a trash bag...?
    And so it begins with pre-sewing machine makes: the Towel Totoro with painted details (made a V2 towel totoro and gave away later, but lost photos) Senior the Owl (Señor was what I meant, made for my bro’s birthday. ), Valentine dino for bro, Giant Microbes E.coli plush attempt for my bro’s Christmas gift. 

    Hamel the Camel- also pre-sewing machine. 
    From one cured ham sack (body) One soccer sock (head/neck), two glove fingertips (ears),four small sock legs and startling sharpie button eyes. 

    Drink can, black ballet tights, two packing peanut plush. And George the Towel Bear, first thing done by machine. Gave him to my dad.

    Little early-makes ornaments and stocking stuffers for family.
     

    Mother owl + candy cane stocking stuffer for brother. 

    Trio of Snow, from so long ago!

    One of my first sewing machine projects and 3D plush drafts. I remember taking forever hand sewing the limbs and head on. For my dad’s Christmas gift.

    Elephant plush and Felt camel. Camel’s blanket woven on my mini-loom.

    Felt dolly stocking stuffer and tee shirt Pusheen, one the first couple plushies sewn by machine. A heavy kitty, filled with fabric scraps.

    Gray pup and Snaily. Snaily was a first-machine-year project for my mom’s Christmas. Sewn during summer sick-insomnia nights. 

    Christmas chameleon for my bro and deer for a parent, cannot remember which one. 😆

    Fleece dolphin, very early attempt.

    Sebastian the Seahorse for Sam, my bro + a stubby rendition of Mr. Narwhal from Elf for my dad. 

    Easter Eggbunnies + Father’s Day dog made from pants. 

    Three-toed sloth + mousey for somebody in my family. 

    Sherpa Panda for my mom’s winter gift.

    Bro’s penguin and goldfish. Made the functional fishing pole from a chopstick, metallic tape, a bobbin, pony bead and paperclip a couple years ago for fun,  and these two became a crew. 

    Stocking stuffers for my family because youngling me saw skinny stockings as sad. And felt was the only material I really had.

    Peachy the Pear and Peary the Peach- the main characters of my “Fruity Friends”-A drawing of a googly-eyed fruit basket gang. I think these were for my dad? Made Bob the Banana for him a couple years prior to this, but he was lost along the way. RIP Bob. 
    And a first-year-machine-sewn kawaii cone for my mom. I used to be afraid to tie the hand sewing thread knots myself, and I remember covering the plush up and asking my mom to tie off the visible bit. On her own gifts. 
     

    “Uglydolls”, the happy little weirdos. Some were designed to look sort of identical to the actual “Uglydolls” brand, some are custom. (Just learned that there is an Uglydolls movie now that I have not seen, so I feel odd about posting these having no idea what’s it’s about 🙈)
    1: Uglywalrus- Custom critter for walrus-fan bro. 2:Uglydolls “Groody” for bro
    3: Uglydolls “Uglyworm” for bro
    4: Uglydolls “Wage” (custom color) for my dad
    5: Uglydolls Icebat (made from my old fleece sweatshirt) that I kept.  Bionicle icebats?
    6: Custom WinterUgly for my mom. 


    More custom Uglydolls for my bro. Giant (Scoliosis?) Ugly with Velcro pearsnack, and Pixel the Xbox gamer. 

    My bro and I were once obsessed with Giant microbes plushies, prompting me to donate this Plasma to him. Made from my old unsightly dress. 
    And some SCARY first attempt microbes plushies I made for him years before. The sock Fat Cell and the glove Amoeba, complete with hot glued, cabinet-door stopper eyes. 

    Minion plush for bro’s birthday. Made on knitting looms with sewn on felt eyes, details and extremities.

    Platypus plushie for my dad. Made with knitting needles and a loose loom for the main body. Plus a pompom body + felt foot and bill baby duck.

    A happy ragdolly for my mom’s birthday (?). Designed to resemble her favorite childhood doll who once survived a sharpie to the face.

    Mom’s Matryoshka Nesting doll pillow + test subject curtain rag doll I never finished.

    Coral-inspired Martian doll for my mom. And “The Beautiful Pear Bird”-for my brother, designed from his iconic Pear Bird artwork.

    Sphere Squiddies! I stalked Etsy plushies late at night during a severely-sick-insomnia-summer and tried to copy some Octopi. I couldn’t fit eight legs on mine! First lopsidey mustache one bestowed upon bro, last two done later for my mom.
     

    Corduroy Croc. Inspired by this Land Of Nod (questionable name..?) toy magazine that came to our house once with the most magical plush toys in it. Tried to copy the critter using my dad’s old pants. For my bro.

    Bulldog for my dad. Has a red collar I forgot to slide on. 


    Jenny giraffe for my mom. 

     
    Teacup Piggy for Mother’s Day gift.

    Spike our Puggy and Penny, my mom’s favorite former pet in plush form (except the dress!). Both for her.


    Snoopy for my dad, weighted with beads. 

    Blanket stitch goat and painted fabric dog made for doll photo shoots + mini ornament of “scrappy do” -my bro’s childhood Meerkat toy.

     
    Flower with a plastic straw sewn in stem for stability, plush from printed fabric, and blanket stitched doll things (sandwiches, campfires and bears, oh my!)

    Little seed bead clawed skunk and a bun for parents.

    Canvas dogs for Dad. Painted bulldog +beady toes

    Brother’s blue lobster

    Koala-for a parent, which one is not apparent, though.

    Bobbeh- the friendly, enthusiastically southern catfish character concoction of my bro and I. Made for his birthday one year, RIP to the matching Bobbeh card. 

    Krunchy Kronch Donut Dudes! When my bro was in college, he took a game design class and his group created Krunchy Kronch-a 2D game of these ferocious donuts rolling through a city, avoiding obstacles in a Mario World fashion. Recreated the characters in felt for his birthday. Hand painted acrylic and ribbon tags. Made the box from poster board.


    HUNGRY
    A faux suede turtle plush drafted for my dad one Father’s Day or birthday. Bead toes. The  shell is removable and handsewn faux leather. I had no idea one should punch holes in leather prior to sewing and destroyed my digits forcing an ordinary sewing needle through it. This was one of the hardest plush toys I remember doing.

    John Carter Woola drafted for my dad. Tiny teeth.

    Bro’s BB8 + baby robot stocking stuffer. These robros have made an appearance here prior, though.

    Drafting a Dalek was a daring endeavor. Painted eye stock thing, I believe I stabilized the arms and such with a plastic coffee stir/straw. First time using screw-on plush eyes, for the body's bubbly bits.

    Despite the household ban on Pokémon games, my bro fancied Pikachu so I drafted this one. From a tee shirt and felt.

    Wheatley from Portal 2, a plush drafted in the  first summer of “real sewing” with a machine. I studied photos from Google all through the very bad sicknights and this was the result. He is a bit of a flatter sphere shape than intended. His frontal handle things are stabilized with disposable plastic straws. I’ll never forget my bro’s happy face when he saw its lopsided body.  Still, I’d rather run than stay when giving a gift to someone. So frightening to just sit there.

    Felt Kokeshi Momiji doll for my mom.

    Baymax for my brother with an acrylic painted tag. And a quick little Portal 2 dude whose quality I wasn't even proud of at the time.

    Felt Bionicle Jala/Jaller/I still am confused.. made for my bro for Christmas years ago. Stiff felt, non-stiff felt I made firm with glue, sharpie stains, but he didn’t complain ($40 for a McDonald’s toy was an unfathomable fortune…you can buy so many bananas for that...).

     
    And 4ft( ? memory gone at this point ish Adi adipose who appeared here not too long ago! 
    His limbs are bafflingly long compared to those in the TV show. 
     

    Croissant crab crew for my dad.

    And more recent plush designs. 
    A henna based on our dozen hug-hungry Golden Comets. From scraps.

     
      Nursery scrap dolls for our old church and elephant baby toys for some church babies.

     
    Toady! A turtle. A recreation of my favorite lost plushie from years ago (LPS Turtle). A fan of bonnets indeed. Every green creature is a good creature.


    *one eternity later*
    The swarm…

    Scares me to think of how big it would be including the ones dumped on other relatives 🙈

    “Mom remember how you said [insert direct exact quote about group plush photo] years and years ago? I finally did it, thanks for the idea!”
    Her: “Haha, what?”

     
    **tucks them back into a trunk..*
    *...okay.. some didn’t fit.
    How foreign life is from when these shots were snapped four months ago, that day after it began to undeniably unfold. Strange how snapshots hide that you're shaking. How sweet is truth after a life of forced faking. We had to just go. Why won’t the wounded let the tears show? Maybe one day it will be safe to let some stories go. Fright and flight, for we embark upon a new, happy, free life! 
    For I’ve never been so grateful for a sink with running water (instead of a garden hose), a real mattress with sheets (and not a tiny shared air bed), a kitchen, rooms with walls and doors, that hairbrush I thought was lost in the shuffle, not accidentally losing a finger today, shop-vacs, surviving it all over the past four weeks with Covid, and mainly, for the safe and selfless people in this world. Here’s to anyone who is struggling or uprooted in any area.. or every. You are not alone.
    Peace and joy to you all. And thanks to all here who make BZP feel like a home. 
    Off to roam!
    PS:

     
     
  13. Mushy the Mushroom

    Cake, shirt, life.

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    nothing more mortifying that reading your own content
    ..Rareactualreallifeentry..
    It has been wild lately. Medical TMI warning, I’m sorry in advance.
    But first, a of couple creations. Just a shirt and chess-cake cheesecake for my brother. Stoked that he finally was able to visit.
    The cake was really rough-looking.I made charcoal-dyed lemon butter-mint dough to cover it because I didn’t have fondant. Kind of floppy and hard to work with, and was totally last-minute. 

    Finally got to apply some newly-learned sewing techniques in the shirt. Basting tape is a marvelous thing. And stay-stitching. It’s also a lot easier to use a serger inside the french seams. The vertical buttonholes are a lot less scary to put in than traditional thread ones. (The shirt is on a female mannequin that I padded with towels. Probably looks weird, but no male mannequin at the moment.) So glad to finally have a sewing technique resource website!
    I’m still in the process of designing a full-face Bionicle mask, but I’m failing at a lot of stuff lately so it might be a while before it’s done. And now it’s holiday-gift-making rush season. So many half-finished sewing and art projects, so many things I need to take pictures of...
     
    It’s been a strange year of medical mysteries. TMI begins here, sorry in advance.
    Five total ER visits now. You know you’ve been too often when you see the same ER doctor again.
    Went two weeks ago for myoclonic hyponatremia seizures, chest pain and near syncope... the seizure, at least, caused by unexplained extreme thirst/over-hydration. That visit was pretty drama-free, just labs, x rays and EKGs.They actually didn’t catch that hyponatremia was the cause and suggested it was dehydration (...checking your own labs later is useful).
     
    Last night brought anaphylaxis/allergic reaction. Hives, throat constriction and breathing difficulty. It’s been awhile since anaphylaxis gave me a visit (I outgrew my food allergies three years ago...). My mom gave me expired Benadryl, then harpooned me with an Epipen that expired 4 years ago (It’s odd how you don’t feel the needle). None of that helped, and the home pulse-oximeter showed hypoxemia.This was the first time the Epipen hadn’t worked...So, woo, another ER visit. EKG again, an IV of steroids, an epinephrine shot....and the infamous, bright pink Benadryl IV…. Instant burning throat, coughing, a sensation of all mouth moisture sucked out, a feeling that a black hole has sucked all the strength out of your body, convulsing, losing the ability to move and speak, and being unable to feel your arms. Also, fiery hallucinations and losing consciousness(?) while hearing everything. 
    Nurse: “You just had the worst possible reaction to that.”  
    ...Benadryl is quite nefarious. Strangely, almost dying a few years ago didn’t feel nearly that weird. eek. wow.
    Glad that’s over...but the etiology of it all remains unknown. Has peanut allergy re-emerged? Or Alpha-Gal allergy? Or a random new one? I guess it’s back to sanitizing a spot in the kitchen and starting the “I can eat these five foods until I get an appointment” diet. Thankfully, this isn’t as disturbing the fourth time around. Pretty chill, really. Not boring, at least. Also, it’s cool that the IVs have bendy plastic needles, I forgot that was a thing. I’m acquiring a nice collection of electrodes and hospital bands now, haha. Sorry if anyone actually read all of this, I never imagined I’d actually post anything non-art related on here. I’ll probably deeply regret/be very mortified about posting this later, but I suppose it’s a nice way to process it all. I’ll blame it on the Prednisone blur. Thanks for making blogs free, BZP. (Also, sorry if posting about this stuff isn’t allowed, not sure if it’s okay.) Edit: apologies for typing errors. Also, ultrasounds make the spookiest, most fascinating, haunted-house-style swooshing noises...And also, time to add filler memes, because memes improve all situations. Mildly tempted to post an IV pic, but that’s likely too gory.
     


  14. Mushy the Mushroom

    Maybe a human-sized bird nest...

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    behold the bush babies
    Hatched another wildly random idea...
    A human-sized Robin's egg bird nest bed/lounge chair.
    It's made of foam crib mattresses, sheets, poly-fill, offensively-strong glue, paint and elastic.
    Because I have always wanted one of these....since this idea popped into my head two months ago.
    ..Can I use the excuse that Porg demanded it?


     You can make one too, if you want. I've made photo instructions on Flickr. For some reason it shows the last steps in the album first, but they're numbered. (I hope it's okay to link to this, I'm still scared of breaking the linked content rules. I"m sorry if not.. I was going to directly link to the photos, but there were like 21 steps and I was lazy.
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/189713610@N04/albums/72157715698039033
    ...I suppose I see a blog as a magical place to post random art content, instead of using it to actually write anything useful or intelligent....words simply have never been my thing. SO YAY PICTURES.

  15. Mushy the Mushroom
    ‘Ello! Can’t sleep, might as well pile it up in a big blog heap. 
    9x12, Ticonderoga, mechanical pencil, watercolor paper.
    Unknown public-domain-reference subjects, except one with my grandma’s floofy dog + mysterious dog, presumably from another relative...? 

     


    I did a bad thing. 
    Sneaked down the street and stole a sign at 11 at night. 
    Forgot the wire cutters, took a second trip with double the fright. 
    Drew the cat, zip tied the sign back.
    Got up the nerve to be that weirdo who texted and said I could drop off the art at their driveway.
    They also found him later that day and took the posters off display. 
    Yay!
    …I just wonder if they noticed that the zip ties changed colors. 

     
    Where I mirthfully threw 16 hrs of my life:
    Baby Bloom!

     
    (Bistro chair +rubber wire around arms + megaflower + footstool)
    Fulfilled my dream of honoring this background character from Toy Story 3. I hadn’t the wits to make her from old ballet tights and yellow balloons then, it was time for another spin. Also based on the 10-petaled “false sunflower”, the Smooth Oxeye. 

    Made from cotton, a wig-size wad of vintage ribbon from my grandma’s abnormally well-stocked basement, sweatshirt knit, press-on snaps, steam-a-seam, handsewn hook-and-eyes. Quilted-style leafwings. 


     
     
    Stump scene dump! Do you love a good stump?
    I've been keen on them since way back when.. Was fantastically disappointed when barred from bringing dear Holly Stump as seating during that one firework night. Such chairs they are! Most pleased to see society embrace them and welcome them into their homes at last. 
    When there’s no sister to be subject to shoots, one thing leads to another and pumpkins are places where there should be faces? 
    (Shhhhh, pretend winter. Twas 75 degrees)

     
    Monarch madness, Poor pup!
    Sharpie, porcelain marker, 3D butterflies made from foamy sheets and wire.
    And bonus goat in a coat on the other side.
    Sharpie, + leftover knitted yarns from pom pom trim. 

     
    Achild from acorn squash. 
    Stopmotion
    Effort level: You’re becoming food in a few days. Want to become a nontoxic friend until then? Maybe with a wee Viking vibe. 
    3M double-sided tape, pickle jar base, foam sheets, shipping foam tube arms, dress from harvested shipping paper, leftover fur from that same, ever-lasting, leather jackpot jacket that generated shoes, a wallet and quiver. 
    Unsightly stopmotion hand, none of this ever is properly planned.
    Props: Pompoms from leftover yarns from the scarf things and sock cuffs, 
    Campfire circa ages ago.. Felt fire and logs from a painted sheet. Rock ring from tee shirts. Couldn’t find the little felt marshmallow man on a stick, subbed with tiny poker made by the ancient blacksmith villager man. He gave custom, name-stamped ones to the random little peoples who watched the smiths. Such a legend. 
     

    Brace sizing gap alterations. Hand punched and hand sewn loops. Terribly grateful something stops the knees from the ~20-per-hour snaps!  ISO: Real exoskeleton. Maybe the Stormtrooper kind. 

    Horsies! 
    But not actual ones. My spindly friend.

     
    When your dad volunteers as the tribute pony....We brought home my grandmother’s old riding cart for restoration, but this is the closest we've gotten to achieving that. She would be livid…haha. I cannot believe I get to go for pseudowalks down the street again! He needs a horse head mask ever so much, many ridiculous ideas brewing. But neighbors might call 911 if they saw that. Have to sometimes appear normal, I suppose.?
     
    Fairy Gourdfather forwards fall felicitations to you all! 
    Is that word used decently? Love a posh new word but scarcely know how to wield them. 

    PS: Does video link embedding not work now for anyone else? It used to automatically do it for me, but now it gives an error code.
     
  16. Mushy the Mushroom

    Fabric Forsythias and a Few Flops

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    behold the bush babies
    12 hours on flowers! The promised eternal imposters.

    Pattern made from tracing the real flower shape. Cut from two layers of cotton, prior fused with spray adhesive and ironed together. 
    Assembled with Tex 70 upholstery thread, just a few stitches, one bead and leaving long strings.

     
    Growing….Overflowing
     

     
    Tacky glue, Mildly dilute. Thread tails taped to hangers to try. 
    Tied some to a twine vine. 
     

    And made a branch from a rejected electronic scalp massager (?…There are mysterious things in this house that I am not responsible for…) some leftover wing wire and paper tape. Cut 3/4” tan cotton strips, soaked them in diluted tacky glue and swirled to secure. Glued on the remaining yellow bells once firm. Finished the twine vine and branch blossoms off with a bit of acrylic base greenery.

    They’re weirdly plastic-like stiff.
    Throwback to when wet watercolor paper was the only thing I thought of growing flowers from.

     
    ♩ There's a house we can build
    Every room inside is filled
    With things from far away ♫
     
    *got too flower flinging happy and why did I not move the jar ~2" to the left to cover the outlet.*
    In between the cheerful chaos of my bro flying home, buying a car, flying back to the cold climate he dubbed “So much suffering”  for a couple days, returning here again by plane and yesterday cruising to the coast for the adventure of new employment, Twas time for our mom’s birthday enjoyment. Imagine living to be half a century! I used to want to be just a Jedi but now I hope to be a fraction as good as she..in addition to that.
     I owe her everything. For she’s kind enough to tolerate fittings, wears, and lets me cut her hair ( thanks to Free Salon Education on YT…..am I allowed to admit this now since it’s the post-Plague era? Still weird? ).
     Birthday + Mother’s Day makes.

    Chestnut knit cardigan made from a jersey sheet and finished with petite pleats. 10hrs.
    *should have ironed it but photographed in the “wad & hide it, she’s coming!” mode*

    Leather drawstring pants, 7hrs. Pinned on dress form because, little does the lifeless model know... she has absolutely no legs.

    Circular cut flounces and rolled edge hems.
    Aqua top -4.5Hrs.
    Navy one-4.5hrs plus probably x3 extra because it had to be redone. The fabric lacked stretch so the fit was funny. I pattern drafted off of a lycra reference garment, and, it being 3 am, in that thick state of painkiller proof exhaustion so lacking logic, I blindly cut out the thick textile and realized the tragedy too late.

    I cut out the side panels and live-human-fit Princess seam replacement panels on each side while apologizing profusely for the flop. Added two flounces on each shoulder, elastic waist gather at the back, and detailed with multicolor boho-style  thread “quilting” lines along the edges and ruffles-to hide the alterations.
    Fits now (too big on this dress form), but cannot say I’m guiltless over what the poor garment has been though. 

     
    French seams on all.
     

     
    ^ The low energy butterfly attempt.
    Unfortunately confusion proved contagious amongst the creations. 
    “Cakes have such a terrible habit of turning out bad just when you especially want them to be good” - Anne Shirley

    I have an explanation for its aesthetic. Not a good one, but a long one. 🦋
    The birthday and bro week:
    1: We had no idea he would be back so soon, so I flew into frenzied cooking, confection and bread baking mode.
    2:Our neighbor passed away, and a lightbulb moment of “I’ll bake 7 batches of cookies out of sheer ignorance of what else to do” flickered on. Then there was one other little thing, a drawing. Fast/rough 4x6, done in a two-day frenzy from a photo found via The Power of Googling Names to slip to them at one of the sad events.

    3: I decided to make a double-batch/four layer/6.25” tall (when bald/without toppings) tuxedo chocolate cream cake since my bro was present…but without consideration of the 6.5” tall cake holder height.
    4: Aforementioned cookies used a profuse amount of powdered sugar, so barely enough was left for the buttermint dough butterfly.
    5: I figured out how to maneuver the wheelchair about the kitchen so I can take over the dishwashing and less grieve my mom! And any new unskilled work to crash between is craved for. Thankfully the stationary nature of cooking has steadily remained doable from a tall ordinary chair. A half-hour here, an hour there, If I rest, I writhe, to be busy is to thrive!..?
    6: As result of 1-5, I got terribly, flare-ably tired. 
    and thus, the cake decor did visually suffer. Sorry, Mom. Even though she didn’t mind 😭

    Good gift packaging is an art foreign to me, but perhaps it’s never too late to fumble about with fluff and feathers.
    (Any tips are appreciated from those who do such things better!)
    I never know how much content to carve into a blog entry, so I suppose I’ll lock the newers in a Doc, for the next chime of the clock?
    PS: Here is some no context yard nature.
     

    BEHOLD


    [x6 speed]
    ... the clouds swirls are real but the colors are embellished.
    Okay, goodbye now!

     
  17. Mushy the Mushroom
    Sugar Plum Poppy! Her Christmas gift. Wanted to make a camo cardigan for Pug, but he’s sometimes a fashionably disagreeable little slug. 
    6.5 hours
    Made from a shrunken thermal shirt, scraps, and serged 3x fullness skirt from grandma’s basement gingham roll. 
    Pops, being a gracious midnight-thirty model. 


    Decorating Without:
    A fireplace, a plan, energy, budget, indoor lights
    Or a tree!
    ♫Every morning, every evening
    Ain't we got fun?
    Not much money, oh, but honey
    Ain't we got fun?♫
    We’ve excluded the tree for the past few years for certain reasons, and I threw away all our Santa stuff for similar causes, but haven’t gotten around to making any proper ornament hanging boards. These are canvas paintings,with tablecloths safety-pinned on, then window screen mesh for the hooks to hang on. Then covered in outdoor net lighting because that’s what I rummaged out of the shed. 
    Decorating style:

     
     
     
    Spending New Year's, Christmas, Thanksgiving and Halloween in the hospital a few years ago taught me that you can do a lot with paper, paint and glitter. So much glitter. Bet it still haunts the crevices of that common room in its shiny glory. That was the greatest decorating experience of my life, that blessed craft tote. They dropped it off with the instructions of “This unit’s been asked to make ornaments for the lobby tree”. Only superglued the scissors together three times. Dragged a bunch of dirty magnolia cones in from a pass, dunked in glitter. Can’t believe the nurses let us go so wild with it. The whole unit got hit by a paper blizzard. Nurses FTW. Yay! Poster-board painted into a brick fireplace and paper ice sickle garland materialized then, now has evolved into this stuff. Wish I had more energy to make a snowstorm.
    Swiped this extra banana box and turned it into a 3D fireplace. Top box bricks are cut from foamy sheets, then spray painted the whole thing metallic silver. Ribbon edge & tablecloth wrap for lower box. Plug-in candlestick to illuminate the fake fire. Wanted to pry the light off the wall because ugly, but parents, so switched the bulb to a flame-type and we’re now going with the “Yep, definitely a chimney” cover story. 

    Two dogs might have been snoozing under this card table in their crates/castles. Pops’ Mega Bloks doghouse castle has somehow stayed intact with daily use for a year now. Superglue magic? 
    This might not be an ancient barn basket that one scrubbed the mold off of with dish soap. 

    Recently occurred to me that I wouldn’t have to cut new card stock icesicles each year with lamination powers. 
    Garland also could be artificial wreaths cut open and twisted together into a straight strip. 
    TV looked ugly to me so covered that up.

     
    My dad’s very-WIP train village. Always beats me to prime  (LEGO train) location. The poor engine is somewhat disassembled at the moment.
    Not sure what the story is behind this:

    Our ornaments, a finely curated collection. AKA: The Ornament Hall of Shame:
    Random toys, odd, old items we didn’t have another use for, a few creatures I’ve created over the years, and some my mom describes as “We hadn’t any ornaments and tried to make some”.
    Sent these few particularly sickly ones to the ornament hospital. I didn’t take before photos, but I promise, they did look worse than this. Translation: I don’t know what to do, spray paint and super glue? Angel was before a doll I made supposedly of my mom (sorry, mom!) out of a ping-pong ball and wooden clothespin. Green thing was a nut I found outside a hospital and for some reason, really fancied.

     
     
    My first attempt to crochet, circa long ago.. Was supposed to be a strawberry…I think...or a nightmare. Napoleon, the sweetest baby duck from the first trio, painted salt dough,. Almost-one-eyed marshmallow from ages ago, also tried knitting then. XD. Sewn snowman. Mr. Narwhal and blanketstitch bunny, from Idon'tknow. Nutcrackers also got mini-makeovers, mostly their eye designs, because they will always sort of freak me out.


     
     
    Dining room didn't escape deranged decor, either. 2020 brought the fun permanent edition of a curtainwall and string lights, year-round merry & bright. New snowmen made from an unconventional material, and lotion bottle lady, old candy lights into ornaments, no material is off-limits. Nothing is sacred.

    The new neighb-ornaments. 
    13.5 hours for four. Stiff felt, beads and blanket stitches.

    Some sewn while sipping Barium milkshake and getting injected with Gallium. PET scan. 
    The truth of what my primary patterns look like:

     + Peppermint bark brownies and gingersnaps, photo circa 4:53 am..and 40 minutes later...
     
     
    *limping and questioning if going to die of tired, but no regrets. I have good tiiiimes*
    [TOPSECRET] Plan left for delivery because:
    1: Flipped sleep.
    2: Love for people but fear of talking to them.
    3: Miracle mom agreed to do door-to-door delivery (Bonus bribe, though).


    Card making method tests.
    Ran out of time to do a painting for them, just used my pencil drawing. Printed 4x6 ones on card stock and laminated. made base-cards by gluesticking wrapping paper over card stock folds. Finally realized it would be easier to copy the inner greeting onto card stock and cut out instead of hand-writing each one. Sixteen, I think? Gold star Gliiiter. Still everywhere. Even found a piece in a loaf of cinnamon bread I’d made.

     
    Stuck it all together with double side tape, this stuff is miraculous. So fortunate to be able to use all these adhesives/tapes/supplies again without allergic reactions. It’s much easier than using one brand of not-so-great glue in everything. Imfreeeeeee!
     
    Speaking of which, I discovered it’s possible to make a Thanksgiving dinner using 4 slices of bread. I nearly cried tears of joy because it tasted like the real thing. The tiny table is a water filter stand and a cake pan.
    My mom said it was sad, I disagree, it made me incredibly happy.


     
    Wild to reflect the medical madness holiday tradition crash of the past. .. [The following content is a backlash against Hallmark movie depictions of life] I haven’t seen many relatives in almost a decade, severe peanut allergy and illness, travel wasn’t feasible. Then Alpha-gal allergy hit..or, more accurately, bit. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha-gal_allergy ) I had to prep all my own food separately from my family using under 15-20 raw ingredients that weren’t cross-processed/fertilized with mammal products. Contacted every company. Had to make my own “flour” for “bread”, out of rice I ran through a coffee grinder and baked in a separate toaster oven. And scrub all produce in baking soda to get off the wax. Dedicated no-dairy/mammal cooking utensils. Mammal meats were entirely banned from entering our house. One member of my family didn’t follow rules. Profound stress. Airborne reactions. Wearing gloves in public to avoid skin-reactions and throat constriction (Frozen’s Elsa was quite relatable!) I am so profoundly sorry for how my allergy grieved my family during these times. My heart goes out to anyone who's been in a similar situation. We skipped all holiday cooking, travel, normalcy, for those 2.5 years. I begged every day and night “Please let alpha-gal allergy go away, please don’t let me have another allergic reaction”…for about two years, before pretty much surrendering. Then one day, sweet freedom returned. Thank goodness it isn’t always permanent. What a miracle. I was able to eat and cook everything imaginable from late 2017-2020. It was a dream. Magical how losing a lot makes the “little things”, those once taken for granted, like literal gold.
     
    [I made the real Thanksgiving meal for my family, as I can cook/touch all food now (yay!) even if I cannot eat it for new reasons. Doctors have dubbed me a mystery Zebra ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zebra_(medicine) It’s not seeming Celiac, and nothing aside from breads and bullion since August. Crazy, but I’m still here?! Three months until an opening for a more complex repeat of a failed GI procedure. And others. 1.5 years until genetics clinic. One day I hope to blog about these medical misadventures. Strange stories are stacking into a tall Google Doc. The chapters come quickly. It is funny to admit, but that worry over getting a diagnosis has vanished. No pressure to prove anything, anymore. And that’s brought an unexplainable, sweet contentment. I’m so glad, just to be here. I guess I surrender, again. A repeat of that old lesson. Oops. I am not proud of how many years I wasted by choosing fear. What a gift it is, to be alive! The present!]
     
    *Time for mom appreciation post*
    My mom wanted to figure out what her passion was. So she said she would try to knit again, this time a dishcloth. I told her I couldn’t bear to see her art used as a mere rag. So I asked her to knit multiple and I’d sew them into a Child’s cardigan. She was terrified, but she did it to please her precious grandchild. 
    Her: “You know, we just aren’t right, Sara”
    Me: I know! *grinning*
    Her diligent weave work:
    Then assembled during Macy’s Parade:

    Child’s Christmas present, now wrapped: (Hat made from extra square test piece, I just added elastic, crochet straps and a pom.)

    And then she moved onto this test hat using 50 cents-worth of experiment yarn. 
    She made it for me (appropriate Zebra colors), but Mum had to model. She made a pom scarf too, but it wasn't done during this forest frolic.

    The same pattern with "proper" product. Convinced her it should be for the bro’s Christmas, so he feels loved (like Mum!) I can’t believe he’s here this year!
    Dubbed the “Silver Tuna” Set. She used a pattern by Sheep and Stitch.

    Made her some quick tags. Leather acrylic stamped tags for official feels. Not the best stamp, but okay for now. 1.25" strips of cotton secured with Steam-a-Seam.

    Knitknitknit. 
    So beautiful when people pursue their passions. I am rejoicing over her newfound creative zeal! ;_;
    Paper Packages tied up with strings. Trying to figure out how to wrap stuff in a non-blobbly manner, I've never excelled at this. Spent too long covering this box in fabric for a cousin:

     
    This may or may not be the very top of our now-rejected-tree. Needed for styling. My brother's masks, I didn't ask...

    How to spam parents in person with doodle thank you's


    Poor Mum.
     
    https://youtu.be/Ic520e0UvR4
    [I still don’t know how to embed videos here. Sorry.]
    Wishing you a merry, goofy, or whatever-you-like little Christmas, or whatever it is you celebrate!

  18. Mushy the Mushroom

    125+ hrs: Mothstumes + Mother's Knits ft. Baby Yoda

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    baby yoda, butterflies and bubbles
    Social butterfly? Not I. Awkward moth? A cut from my same cloth! 
    Costumes, and could not for the life of me concoct a clever cinematic story, much less meet a human to model. Made do, a messy music mashup of perturbing posing, 83 minutes of recording, swapping, screenshotting, and chopping into a 52 second video, then shrinking back to the studio. 
    My mom: “It’s too fast, my eyes!”
    *Contemplates incinerating more seconds off*. 
     

    What's all this? It started with a sweatergift from my mom, the greatest gift ever given unto me for a birthday. Dreaming I ate three giant, gorgeous donuts and rode a bike was a close second. [Reality: 18 months of what would starve any creature with a metabolism, but instead currently uncontrollably gaining weight + an arthritic ambulatory wheelchair user. ] 
    I will gladly goof over donut dreams.
    And If you dress as a donut, do not doubt, I will support the decision.

     
    ♫ They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy
    They can say, they can say we've lost our minds
    I don't care, I don't care if they call us crazy
    Runaway to a world that we design
    Every night I lie in bed
    The brightest colours fill my head
    A million dreams are keeping me awake ♫
     
    Back to the sweaterstory!
     "What colors would you like? " 
    Me: *grabs 11 skeins from glorious grandmayarn box* 
    Her: 

     

    https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/childs-knit-crew-neck-pullover Pattern used, combining sizes to accommodate my disproportionately long yet useful arms, designed crop length. Tis her first sweater, and it does contain tears. Even made The Child a matching one! At some point, it struck me that one does indeed need mothwings to wear with confetti sweaters, a set of two would be even better. Rummaged just enough of the right colors from the preexisting hoard, wire was the only thing left to be acquired.  
    My moth model: 

     
    Baking wing beginnings 88hrs for big wings, 25 for the minis. 
     
     

     
    Gingham reinforced cotton strips, sewn at center. Machine basted once ironed in half as a tube, then hand basted with Tex 70 slick thread for neat gathers. I initially sewed my casing tragically slim and completely removed and resewed each piece after sandwiching and spacing. 
    Turned right side out & pressed. 

    Used grandmabasement ribbons for the wing venation. Initially planned to paint them, but this seemed less of a mess. Tracing wheel and vanishing marker for seam guides.  RIP ribbon rations, so not accurate. Spontaneously strewn stripe seams, sort of "quilted" on. 
    Since the ribbon ran dry, tacked in soft yellow yarn down each side of the Child's wingset, then machine "quilted" it.
     
    Eyespots from ribbons, brown cotton, lace and leftover leather seed scales from my pinecone quiver. Handsewn onto each side with blanket stitches, waxed embroidery floss and beads. Wing edge endpoint trimmed with 3/4" sherpa strips cut and stretched on the bias, machine sewn. Multisize bubble beads, each tied on with tan Tex 70 thread, sewing through both sides simultaneously. RIP fingertips. 

    Wire time! Was a tad wide for the casing, crammed in over a few hours.Wrapped the exposed wirewads in 1" strips of PUL fabric and brown knit, anchoring each layer with Fabri-Tac. Tied slender strips of sherpa around the side wire areas, used 1/2 elastic for straps. Extra sherpa tassels to shield the adjustable elastic connectors (AKA safety pins.. *fancy*) 

     

    Video for a feel of structure. 
     Almost forgotten antennae! 2 hrs here. From felt leaf placemats and elastic enveloped in knit tubes. 

     Baby's Mothstume, 9.5 hrs. Fully lined, white opaque lace overlaid with the mesh floral. Four little leg faux sleeves, lined tubes filled with fabric scraps. Handsewn goldthread sherpa neckline trimmed with knit strips.

     

     
    A newold backdrop holder has made things easier, a reject from a closing store. I was running string between closet doors before this, haha.

     

    Guest starring a fine friend whose origin was in a GIF, one here. 
    Brother, browsing blogs: "Look at this thing!”
    *Points to the rainbow assembly of grinning gallopers in GIF bliss*
    Young mush, literally screaming:  "IT'S A HORRIBLE RAINBOW CREEP MONSTER!!!"
    *lifelong bond*

    Sewing, a sock, paint and felt:

    *???*

    Wired up a rainb(orr)ow of circle circular knitting needles (stolen from mom) +secured some skein skypillows. Foamy 'flies still not shy.

    My mom found a clearanced skirt which bore uncanny resemblance to a confetti sweater.
    Her: “Does it actually match?"
    Me :"Probably not, nope! "
    *new favorite outfit*

    Cloudy with a chance of …falling dolls.? 

    B u  b   b    l     e      s 
    Do you ever just look at chewing gum and think "an admirable anchor for props!" ?
    Hope not...
    *guilt*

     
    No human size mothstume, white one from years ago shall do. Leather quiver and headband from an eternity ago, last spring. For it feels wasteful, tools that sit idle. Hope one day an able bodied soul will use the archery thing.

    Sunrise, 8 am, impending equinox, ~45 degrees, barefoot, duckdock. Dear neighbors, my sanity isn’t wholly lost, please don’t call the cops! 
     


     
    "Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again."
    ~C.S. Lewis
     
    .:Medical mystery mishaps:.
    Wheelchair waltzing at 3 am is surprisingly wonderful while wondering if bones are internally shattering.
    It’s been ten years, two severe with searching, blame, and begging. I research restlessly and print papers to pass to them. Wield the med message system as I find myself so often mute, memorize my own medical notes now. I’ve learned some will lie if you allow it. A recent appointment ignited a new interest in my case. Primary care explained that the specialists were stumped and medically at a dead end. I debated, I begged. Everyone cried. Got referrals. Success stings sometimes. 
    That diagnostic procedure/surgery I had in February (SB enteroscopy) is getting repeated in a couple months by my own GI doctor. Because the surgeon imaging reports disagreed, they were out of ideas, and I sent Labcorp guides about what to do when Celiac blood work and biopsies conflict. They actually read it, which I never expected! The January surgeon saw intestinal damage, bleeding + an ulcer but duodenal biopsies were unremarkable. This February one missed the ulcer/lesion, saw no villous damage or the bleeding, and did not take the ordered repeat biopsies.Tattooed my GI tract.That was a bewildering car ride discovery from the photo pamphlet while coming out of anesthesia. I have a TATTOO? Took me over twice as long as expected to wake up from it, nearly wasn’t released due to low blood pressure. The next one will be the 5th diagnostic procedure/surgery in under a year. Endless ultrasounds, ER visits of which I’ve lost count, 3 edible nuclear stuff scans, 3 CTs, 1 PET scan. Bouncing between endocrinology, gastroenterology, neurology, rheumatology, It's dizzying. Consistently “strong positive tTG iga” discovered one year ago this week + other bad bloodwork + systemic wreck + unlikely Celiac genetic test with double negative biopsies = uncharted territory + no one knows if Alpha Gal allergy medically effects people after remission, it’s been exactly 7 years since I was bitten. THE HOSPITAL SOCK HERD IS HEIGHTENING.
    I learned that GI and Rheumatology are actively arguing about which specialist should see me. Outpatient orphan? GI swears it’s autoimmune, Rheumatology thinks it’s intestinal. Meanwhile they keep running Multiple Myeloma tests without telling me, I don’t know why I find this secrecy funny. I suppose I’ve no healthy fear at this point.  Doctors at this hospital are so baffled that they’re sending me to their rival university’s GI hospital people and are pushing genetic referrals, but…For the first time a treatment's being tried!. I’d put aside hoping as a form of coping. And my, how exciting life is when one doesn’t expect a thing!
    It fits the theme of weirdness, wings, and bugs, for I am now on Malaria drugs (Hydroxychloroquine).
     
    “It's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it.”
    ~ L.M. Montgomery
     Grand wishes, goodbye, must fly! 

  19. Mushy the Mushroom

    Koi, Cake and Holiday Makes

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    Life is balloons
    Greetings!
     
    My brother visited on his exact birthday, a merry, now rare, treat.
    Skyline Lemon Cheesecake, design haphazardly generated using what I could find about two hours before baking it. Based on his city. Engulfed in lemon butter-mint dough and brush painted with gel food coloring and charcoal powder. Used an X-acto to cut out the window lights and filled them with yellow. Two hours decorating time, but I feel like the colorful clouds resemble a toxic explosion a little more than a sunset. And the cream cheese frosting blob border...oh well.
    I wonder how he likes living in the clouds? Hard to believe he’s thirty-three floors up and hundreds of miles away. It’s easy to pretend people are still around, when one can mercilessly GIF text-spam them so they feel loved.

     
    Also created a butterfly Koi shirt, because there was his one Japan trip and I’m grasping for themes. It’s a struggle to concoct gift ideas, as his interests are so focused. Dear INTP people, what things do you fancy (besides Chess, coffee, computers and cats)? Is using MBTI as a gift-guide a flawed plan? Especially if one hasn't adequately studied it...and mostly likes the type character pictures?
     
    In light of barely completing the cheertime gifts last (…and each past) year, I decided to start in August and attempt to abandon all the other projects until they were finished. Timed the hours, a first for the gifties. I should be making cards instead of typing this right now. Might make some small neighb-ornaments and maybe dog-gifts if possible. I should be a good mush’ and wait until the end of the season, but my family doesn’t inhabit these regions…Bro, if you’re a silent sleuth in these lands, look away! 
     
    Hand painted AquaKoi shirt for my boy. I’d never made him any jersey knit/tee shirts before...Akin to neglect.
    4.5 hrs to paint + 3.5 hrs to cut/sew = 8 hrs.
    Another one, a Pagoda for Christmas.
    9.5 hrs to paint + 3.5 hrs to sew =13 hrs.
    Done with diluted acrylics, french seams and new pattern draft. Drew the designs on parchment paper first, then outlined and pressure  indented on the fabric using red thing. Painted on front panels prior to assembly, heat set with iron, then prewashed to prevent paint bleeds. French seams throughout and done with a lightning-bolt stitch to accommodate the stretch.
    Apparently forgot to crop that one collage photo. Oops.

     

    Yep, wrinkles. XD
     
    Belt-attachable leather phone case for my dad. Contact-glue parts and wet-lasted/hammered the front while clamping it onto a phone-sized block of wood. Sewed what I could with the Needle-Launching-Monster, cracked some needles, then awl punched the dampened veg tan seams and saddle stitched with dental floss-threaders. Velcro pads.
    8 hrs on this one.
    *Unsuccessful attempts to hide my callus art-hands from societal scrutiny while including for size reference*

     
    “What shall I make for Granny? What can be a new gift at 93(I think?)?
    To ask, or go with masks..?
    5 hours to cut/sew both. 
    Pencil plus diluted acrylics on the bunny, so extra 30 minutes for that.

     
    A messenger boho bag for my mom. Her linen ones made before are getting a tad threadbare and she’s too nice to say it. 
    First time using proper bag interfacing, last one was underlined with a trusty “sham-wow” towel.
    Used outer fabric from my dad’s old khakis, leather scrap lower reinforcements, and six-strand straps braided from suede cord. Designs done prior to assembly with washable marker, diluted acrylic, then heat set +prewashed.
    7 hrs to paint, 16.5 total with assembly. 

     
    And lastly, leetle lighthouses! 
    My lighthouse-loving grandma once mentioned unsuccessfully searching for some mini ornaments of them.
    A few years lagging, *lightbulb*, a set could perhaps be done in felt?
    Seed beads, blanket stitch and sequins. 
    21.5 hrs total. 

     

    Newly learned that a plastic shower curtain placed over a white cotton sheet makes for a less linty large backdrop?
    Guess that chips out 64.5 assembly hours. Slow, but I get there...?
     
    Off to sprinkle some oldish stuff on top.
    My mom informed me that someone on Nextdoor needed Halloween fairy wings and couldn’t find any at the store. And it's somehow thrilling to heedlessly drop everything, when you really shouldn't , and try to create for people if the chance arises? This has gotten me into a lot of trouble, yet, again, off we go!? Someone please stop me Yay! Tried to make a quick pair from jewelry wire braided around rope string, spray adhesive, a cellophane roll, clear plastic fabric, ribbon, elastic lace straps and jewels.
    Too bad there’s no “It’s three in the morning and we’re out of garage glue” hotline. The pink tint is from the drywall spray adhesive, it was the only can in the store. 
    The fairy who initially needed the wings had already found some, so they ended up going to a nice Nextdoor grandma instead. She had a teddy bear buckled up and riding in the back of her car. Like a boss. 

    Being a temporary fairy was far funner than I expected. Hard not to frolic.
     
    Junkbot 
    A tad ago a kind member of the BZPower discord (TuragaNuva) related the origins of the server’s :trashbot: emoji (https://en.brickimedia.org/wiki/Junkbot#:~:text=Junkbot%20is%20a%20LEGO%20robot,descend%20to%20a%20different%20area ) 
    Unbridled adoration for the creature spawned a trash-quality photo collage of making him. + [unofficial] baby sister Bowbot. 
     

     
    I wish he were an official emoticon here. 
     
    Dalu, oldish, but might as well invite her too, for organization. Also forgot to pose her with size-ref-friends. Tutorial

    She turned out taller than the reference Dalu set, because I forgot and sewed the head without torso overhang.
    Guess I’m retrying LEGO projects done poorly in prior years?
    -Me, Gluey, Sharpie-stained stiff felt Jala topic *Places a rose on unmarked grave and retakes photos*
    spamdom stuff
    When you’re gifted an ornament but no quickthankscard ideas erupt:

    When you have a delightful dream that your dear old bear plush, Mum, is “More than just a bear ( and is exceedingly special)” and that prospect stays in mind the entire afternoon.

    When the ‘Scov’es get a grain-cut and ferociously bite the feet whilst one is swinging. (I’ve unintentionally stubbed the poor boys, yet they tarry on with those tiny fictitious teeth.)
    My mom esteems the birds unsightly.
    I think their cherry-red-caruncle masks look mighty. 
    What are your opinions on the Muscovy complexion? 

    [tensely-waiting-an-hour-for-Dr.-to-join-Zoom-visit moth, hoped she’d munch the wait away]]
     

     
    May your winterdays be far from gray, happy holidays!
     
  20. Mushy the Mushroom
    Upholstery from $10 hotel chairs from a market years ago, store display crib mattress foam, brown astroturf(?) rolls someone abandoned behind the store where my dad works (people dump the oddest articles there, once even a freezer still full) , PUL scraps, spray adhesive, garage spray paint and two $5 blankets.
    ~63 hours for two chairs.

    My mom
    Never any money for house things or what she needs.
    It gets to me.
    I cannot buy it...make it? I'll try it!
    Before: (Extra one)

     
    Astroturf later stapled and sewn on first. Spent a lot of hours sewing this before it occurred to my mom what this material actually was... I accidentally upholstered with astroturf...proud of my observation skills here.

    The PUL layer with velcro attachments. Only the hook-side needed since the turf clings. elastic and velcro on the cushions. This was initially intended as a final layer due to a lack of fabric funds.  Carefully patterned it & realized it looked rubbish.
    Gnawing off the leg varnish & paint took longer than anticipated despite the magic power tools.

    My dad brought two blankets home.
    Bingo!
    Removable layer two, pattern new.

    Uncanny cushion design as XL throws only go so far.
    Snap closures.

    Had no paint thinner/stripper, sanded paint from the hinges of my old bookshelf like a barbarian with a dremel drill.  Shaved the sticky door edges off, drilled holes in the clock and shelf and wired to the back, screwed shelves down like a setup hypochondriac. In honor of her recently inherited heirloom Hummels. Showered & shined in a salad bowl. *no pressure at all*
    She went shopping, surprise setup time.
    *shoved long-lacking quarter-round along this wall*
    *rug to hide the peeling up fail floor*
    *going to replace yellow bells with eternal imposters later*
    *finished 5-10 minutes before her return and fell over in bone shattering exhaustion with zero regrets*
     

    Peculiar curtain hanging as peppery Pug twirls amongst them.
     
     
    Tissue paper, origami squares, feathers. 
    Wasn’t intended to look like an Easter egg! 
    Sakura Lanterns made from poster board and construction paper… years ago, sides resewn.
    Couldn't walk after this setup
     
     

    Buttermint dough baby dino in a Shroom Sylva sprinkle storm. 
    There’s a lemon cheesecake she’s guarding under the grounds there. I sadly do not possess frosting finesse.
    *buttermint dough fractures, but chosen for flavor. The claws and spiky dino bits are sprinkles shoved into holes I gouged with toothpicks.I think it took about 5-6 hours to do the decorating part?

     
    [not pictured: my mom sobbing as I tell her only she may slay the dragon]

    Still too sick to eat cake, got to bake it at least!
     
    Honey Badger greets ya with a smile as warm as his pizza!

    (Small doodle one in honor of my dad’s cheerful, young coworker, Adger. Twas his nickname. COVID took him. ) 
    Artgift & Fixatif
     
    *hundreds more to go*

    Beloved balloons bring impromptu romps.

    The bird's name is Betty BTW.
     
    Their songs still spin on (this is non-fiction!)
     

    May your equinox rock!

  23. Mushy the Mushroom

    FaceFaceMask Tutorial and Other Weirdness

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    nothing more mortifying that reading your own content
    Just a vague tutorial, recent random artstuffspam and things.
    So a lot of months ago I made a mini costume 3D face-face mask just to see if it was possible. 
    Wanted to try again on a larger one for someone else aka my mom the test subject, so here’s how to make one, if you’d like.
    Supplies:
    One cotton face mask that matches the skin tone of the human model. I used a one-layer mask so the paint wouldn’t stain the lining. Paint mask before sewing to lining for multiple layers.
    Acrylic or fabric paints and paintbrushes. 
    A photo of the lower face.
    Iron to heat-set your paint (If using acrylics).
    A phone, tablet or computer screen to display the photo of the face.
    Tracing paper or parchment paper.
    Tape.
    Measuring tape.
    A round surface to place under the mask as you paint. I used a round tailor’s ham, taped cotton balls into a nose shape, and covered it in a plastic bag. I pinned the mask onto it.


    Take a straight-on photo of the face you wish to replicate. Now, on the human model,  use the measuring tape to ascertain the width of their nose. 
    Next, measure the width and length of their mouth/smile. Finally, measure the width between the top of the mouth and the bottom of the nose.
    Open the photo of the face and zoom in/out until the dimensions match the real face measurements. Tape the tracing paper on the screen and outline the details with pencil. 
    Cut out the nose and mouth paper pieces and pin/tape to the mask. It may be advisable to try the mask on the human model for accurate feature positioning. Trace the outlines and add the details. 
    Then paint. I thinned my paint with some water to prevent cracking.  Add various spots and dots on the skin for a pore-like effect. Let dry between layers. Dry fully and iron to heat-set if you’ve used acrylics. 
    Behold your frightening creation.
    Paint time on 2nd attempt: 4hrs.
     
    9X12 acrylic that I barely finished for greeting cards.
    Drawing time:? Paint time: 40hrs.

    And some gifts. Started them too late so they were kind of rushed. 

    (The wallet was made from a 20+year old leather jacket and sewn on the Needle-Launching-Monster. It was weird making one without destroying the fingers while trying to badly hand sew the leather with an embroidery needle. XD  The envelope bag was made from an upholstery swatch, and the tiny red dress was for Pops. Drafted the deer plushies to resemble some 2d painted leather ornaments made in times past.)

     
    And just a few old things turned into new stuffs. 

    Yes, a mushroom hat. Because, why not?
    And the excessive amount of tailor's press tools made for couture sewing. I still don't get why they were named after meat products. Who looks at a ham or a sausage and is like "I can iron on that."?


    And hello from tiny rhino.
    (Carved and painted, before/after.)

     
    And hi from this lovely little slug who keeps breaking into our house.
     
     

    Also seems fun to sum up the past year, probably with poor writing and excess honest information. Because, why not abuse the free blog privileges?
     
    2020 started with adopting a mutt puppy, a violent stray, who terrorized us in our home for 2 months. He currently resides in an enclosure we built outdoors, so things are peaceful and our little dogs are safe again.
    My brother graduated from college in February and moved relatively far away for work. The job became online-based one month later. Yay for Facetime. XD
    My dad lost his job during the shutdowns. He now works locally and lives at home (instead of airports/traveling/hotel living six days per week). He seems a lot happier now.
    My mom and I had to leave our church. ( Hint: It’s in a kind of bad area. Once a homeless dude was secretly living in the church gym and ordering pizzas, and nobody noticed for a surprisingly long time. XD)
    My joints are now musical and make me limp around occasionally. My face has become reddish and disproportionately swollen. My skin has become uncharacteristically yellowish. Some days it hurts too much to move/get off the couch. And other stuff. And now I take a multivitamin made for old people because it doesn’t contain iron.
    Conclusion: Seeing all the stuff about 2020 seniors made me see I was a senior citizen in 2020.
    Also learned I have a blood type that’s supposedly “impossible” based on my parents’ blood groups. So I was either accidentally switched at birth or some kind of gene mutation occurred. 
    And recently had an entertaining toxic reaction to local dental anesthetic containing epinephrine. My legs started shaking and a minute later I started violently convulsing, gasping, my throat constricted, I collapsed and my face turned scarlet, all when they had the drill in my mouth. The hygienist initially thought I died and ran outside to get my mom. The chip filling immediately fell out and they had to redo it. I was in a lethargy state for 2 days after the shot...Then the filling came out one week later and they replaced it again. It was fine without the epinephrine, which is weird because it never caused bad reactions before this. I feel horrible for frightening them so…The best part: The filling just fell out again. *Facepalm* I’m keeping it this way for now, as it seems somewhat dangerous and highly embarrassing to have it repaired again. PIRATE STYLE. Very thankful for masks!
    We still aren’t fully sure what’s causing it all. We have suspicions, but apparently referrals take a long time. But when I have the energy, I’m free to do all the artstuffs and things. I am so thankful for my mom and it’s awesome to get to spend time with her, but I have guilt about being burdensome. :/ But one day, “The knowing will come”.  Oooor hopefully, maybe, whatever it is will just go away on its own. It’s all good~ 
     
    And miscellaneous good stuffs have happened too.
    I rediscovered LEGO and BZPower. So much nostalgia, I love that this old place still exists. 
    Covid shutdowns didn’t affect my social life at all. I was pretty much a hermit before. XD 
    I haven’t redeveloped any food allergies. The anaphylaxis was either idiopathic/a bi-product of other health problems. *happydance*
    Shutdowns are a new excuse for a creative renaissance. ARTSTUFFS. Online tutorial series, yay!
    2020 was personally a tiny bit bad but mostly rad.
    Anyway, apologies to anyone who read through this rather prolix entry.
     May your 2021 be a great one! 

     
  24. Mushy the Mushroom

    SHOEMAKING ADVENTURES

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    cinnamon toast?
    First try at leather shoes + shoemaking with my lasts. Started them about five months ago but didn’t have the time/supplies to complete them until last week. Ballet flats don’t normally use welted sole construction, but I wanted to try the technique. Used the narrow German welt method.

    Made from a 20ish year old suede jacket (outer and lining), ¼” thick veg tan leather (insoles, outsoles, welt), faux leather (stiffener), ¼” wide leather reinforcement tape, ⅛ in thick cork (filler), bamboo shanks, Barbours 6 unwaxed cord (welting), coad/shoemaker’s wax/pitch, contact cement, neoprene glue, beeswax, shellac, and tiny wire nails.

     
     
    First, I completely covered the lasts in masking tape, drew the design on, cut and pulled the tape portions off and stuck them to paper. Then added seam allowances and tested a paper version. Then cut the uppers, sewed together and applied reinforcement tape at the seams. Then cut the veg tan insoles, marked and skived, and poked the awl through the feather/holdfast, marking the holes.(Attached with rubber bands- didn’t want to nail into the last until steel protector plates were added.)Next, dry lasted/stretched the leather with pincers, contact glued the lining layer around the feather/holdfast, glued in faux leather toe and heel stabilizers, smoothed out with the rasp, and lasted, glued and rasped the outer layer in place.Then made coad/shoemaker’s wax/pitch by melting pine rosin with beeswax, dropping the hot mixture into a water bucket and kneading it into little blobs (Recipe in sources). Made skived welts out of strips of veg tan. Waxed the thread with the coad/pitch/waxand started saddle stitching. Was initially painful and time consuming because of neglecting to wet the welt, and lack of a proper, sharpened awl needle.  Ordered an 1840s curved awl needle which worked in a comparatively magical manner.
    (Excessive progress photos feat. my parched, lotion-hating fingers. XD )

    I couldn’t find any suitable shoemaker’s bristles or needles online, but read that some used guitar strings instead. So I thought I’d try to use these floss threaders, which surprisingly worked. Then skived the wet welt a bit to smooth the fuzzies out. Added the cut-down bamboo shanks +leather covers and contact glued in. Then took the ⅛” thick cork sheets and contact glued and rasped two layers on. Then contact glued and hammered the rough-cut veg tan sole on. Trimmed excess off with the skive knife, Dremel sanded, and smoothed with a glass shard (Sorry mayo jar, you were a lovely sacrifice).

    Marked and cut the angled slits for stitching and saddle stitched through. Then closed the slits with neoprene glue (AKA Shoe Goo. Same stuff, just cheaper.) and hammered.

    Neoprene glued the heel layers on, cutting the excess off of each individual layer and rasping down. Then wet sanded the sole edges with the Dremel. (That protective masking tape was a terrible mistake. Had to remove the sticky residue with a freezer, a brush, a pencil eraser and suede cleaner. #fail ._.) Then made shellac for the soles from dewaxed orange shellac flakes and denatured alcohol. Sticks to skin very well. Should’ve worn gloves. (Recipe in sources) Applied the shellac to the soles, two coats. Then rubbed melted beeswax to the sole edges. For lack of a better system, I used the Sterno inferno to heat the heel edge iron and melted the wax to seal. Lastly, added little nails in the heel for extra security (Probably used too many, got excited.) 

    Pretty rough, I have no idea what I’m doing, but I guess that failing = learning. Should hopefully be easier next time. I’m ecstatic about all the online tutorials for this stuff! *Tries to contain the INTENSE EXCITEMENT*
    Also so thankful my dad’s around more, so I can hassle him about tools and garagestuff. XD He gave me this old leather welding apron to prevent unintentional stab wounds, and I’m fan-girling over it. He also refinished and painted the rusty Cobbler’s anvil from my grandmother’s barn, and made the "heel edge iron". I couldn't find the latter for sale in the US, showed him a photo, and he was able to make it from an old mallet head and the end of a walking stick. Best. Gift. Ever.  ;_;

    Here are source links in case anyone else desires to pursue a fading trade with wild abandonment.
    ...And also so I can remember this stuff next time.
     
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITiyKmYnL-0&feature=youtu.be
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LsE4nsEOJk&feature=youtu.be
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2lCXlGp_GA&feature=youtu.be
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7L6nPNNPBc
    https://shoesandcraft.com/2011/01/13/german-welt-tutorial-2/
    https://shoesandcraft.com/2011/01/21/a-little-more-about-german-welt/
    http://carreducker.blogspot.com/2012/05/threads.html?m=1
    https://medium.com/@mbliskavka/shoemaking-school-pt-3-making-thread-and-welting-25e157bc7f5a
    https://www.ianatkinson.net/leather/leatherguide.htm
    http://aands.org/raisedheels/Techniques/coad.php
    https://www.shellac.net/shellac-mixing-application.html
    https://shoesandcraft.com/2012/12/05/heel-edge-finishing/
     
  25. Mushy the Mushroom
    Recent chipmunk, 9X12 acrylic + pencil on watercolor paper. Drawing time: ? Painting time: 42 hours.
    The drawing was from last year and not heavily detailed (done with a flashlight during a road trip).

     
    Drawings from the past few months, 9x12s. I lacked access to a reference photo for one of them, so that accidentally resulted in a drawing of me as a mere primordial mush’. The last two are smaller, old/not very good (2018-2019, flashlight car art) ones with some newly added details.

    My dear, tolerant brother visited and confusedly agreed to be in a five minute forest photoshoot!
    Him: “I didn’t know what I was walking into. I still don’t.” 

    Lantern: Was gifted to our great grandparents by a conductor after his train derailed and partially destroyed their yard. (It works, but fire is scary so the flame is tissue paper).  Binoculars: From another grandfather. 
    Brother’s costume: Russian hat: Our grandfather apparently fancied one after spotting it in a magazine. Coat: Too big, temporarily swiped from our dad, pinned to cover the Star Wars shirt underneath. 
    Mine: Dress: Actually our great grandmother’s coat with an added belt. Cape: A tattered tablecloth secured with safety pins and a rubber band. 
    Bear: Still frightens our mom.  I regret not bringing string to make it look like it was climbing a tree.
    Merry times. Had a flowery stump funeral for a trio of poor fishies who had perished in a park, finally watched Rise of Skywalker, and maybe even put braids in his quarantine hair to prove it was possible.
    If life gives you straw flowers, why not wear them as straw hats?

     
    Noticed an abundance of teal things and decided to make an utter goof of myself by playing dress up with it all in the backyard.  

    Swashbuckling sword: My dad’s. From 1913/WW1. Apparently sword length is based on one’s height? The sheath unceremoniously dragged the ground.
    Lantern: Possibly stolen from the garden. 
    Dress: Made 3 years ago from my mom’s old bridesmaid gown + new lace. 
    Gloves: Made from velveteen some years ago.
    Cape: Really just my grandmother’s coat with the sleeves pulled outside-in. 
    Kakama: Pattern
    Random story because the content below will sound like the senseless babble that it is without it:
     
    -The Antics of Nannerpus-
    Once upon a time my brother and I saw a commercial starring a majestic Nannerpus and adored it more than we should have.
    Years later, my grandmother gifted me a massive amount of acrylic yellow felt. 
    And later my mom gave me an old tan sheet.
    My x year old brain: *IDEA*
    Nannerpus then became our homeschool mascot.
    2017: Took Nannerpus to the hospital with me, somehow got other patients to wear it. 
    2018: Discovered a compilation clip contest. Taped black plastic to the side of our house, asked my mom to shower balloons from an upper window, and a strange second of spinning Nannerpus ended up in that indie band’s video.

    2021: My dad:

    Me: ??? *Assumes it’s a random joke because it wasn’t mentioned again*
    Four days later: 
    My dad, 5:30 pm:
    “So, I need a Twinkie costume for work tomorrow (in 12 hours)...”
    "...Okay? Yeah? Sure?"
    ...Two hours later:

    (Temporarily stitched oversized additions to cover the mustache)....I’ve created a terrible monster...O_O 
    Sewing pins have always looked like baby balloons to me. 

    *Gets carried away by the concept like these cotton clouds literally did in the wind*
     
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