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Ask Vezon The Third


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Roaming the streets, nowhere to go. Where will the illustrious Vezon preside? he has no more haggis, no rotating mirror to sit on, nothing.


But then the obvious answer hits him like a firestorm touching a raw grape in july on an orange farm during a political election. He would return to the desolate dung pile called the house of Ghidora where he had come from, hogtie him and put him into the closet again, and once again become the king of all things random!


Ah, the plan was so brilliant and so wondrous it seemed like a miracle he cared! but he was nowhere near coolville. How would he return to his domain from which he would show his triumphant awesomeness?


And so this perilous journey began to reclaim his lost nothing back over at Ghidora's estate. Over corpse and spinal cord, through the money banks and into the hair brush, marched Vezon, Determined to show his brilliant majesty to all who think properly. Across snow-capped mountains and hot dog stands, through thick jungles and perfume departments, over the hilltops into the illustrious domain he once commanded.


And as the sun rose behind him, scared to do it in front of his face, he saw the border collies of coolville! a tear filled with crocodiles shed from his snake-like eye, as he lifted his hands and said "I'm so great!" which showed the nightmare across the whole town. At last! he was home. Barging in through the door, he abducted Ghidora during his meal, and stuffed him away in the closet. But being such a hero0, he decided to finish the meal for him. And now, with his awesome might-


Hey did you read the thing, or just skip to this sentence?




Ask Vezon The Third


Written by Ghidora131





Ask Vezon is back for the third(and definetly not last) time!


Basically the way this works is you(you) ask Vezon a question.* Vezon proceeds to answer it in a comical story that makes little to no sense. NOTE: Vezon will only do stories if there are three or more questions asked. Most of which revolve around a fictional home which is apparently mine. But, that's not all! we have a new feature! it's called





Basically, fill out a description of what you look like below (i.e. Mask, mask color, body color, limbs color, hands/feet color, any headwear, any clothes, etc.) and maybe you'll get to be in an episode of Ask Vezon!


Well, whatcha be waiting for? get asking!

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Why does this topic exist? :P

Edited by Locus

Embers - A Bionicle Saga - Chapters/Review

Class Is Out - A Farewell To Corpus Rahkshi - Chapters/Review

BZPRPG Characters - Minnorak, Kain, T'harrak, Savis, Vazaria, Lash

BZPRPG Mercenary Group - The Outsiders - Description - History - Base

Ghosts Of Bara Magna - Ash Tribe - Precipere - Kehla, Somok, Skrall, Gayle, Avinus, Zha'ar

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Chapter one






Vezon was in the shower when he heard a knock on the door. Growling, he gulped down a bowlfull of soggy cheerios without asking for licensing, and barged to the door.

A Rock of irrational disposition was waiting at the door. "Vezon baby, do yah find me..... Attractive?"


The neighbors ended up burying the rock after it came crashing through their window spray-painted with the word 'NO' on it. He went back inside to find that infernal rock on the table, repeating "Vezon loves me, Vezon loves me,". He found out the neighbor was a star pitcher and chucked the rock back into Ghiddy's home. So that's why it didn't work.


"Listen, you annoying piece of sediment! I do not now, nor will I ever find you in the least attractive! is that understood?!?!??!??!"



"...The airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow is approximately-"


"OR INTELLIGENT!!!" He shriekeded as he took the rock and placed it under the caramel making machine in the basement. "Now shut your little stone trap!"


H|e grumbled upstairs and began to eat Kleenex tissues without asking for a license. Pulling out the trusty crusty laptop from under the couch, he realized someone had replied to his topic!


"Why does this topic exist? :P "



Dear mr. locust



sasonqapasjansdaoi deed u not read the topic description!?!??!?!?!!1/1q

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new feature!





Basically, fill out a description of what you look like below




I have a brown mask that looks almost exactly like the one in my avatar, except with a forehead the width of the "goggles" and lipstick. Since becoming female, I have been various shades of brown, with white and yellow cleavage area, and black lower arms, lower legs, and shoulders.




And I'm curious as to whether or not you see Irrie to have any redeeming factors.

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Basically, fill out a description of what you look like below (i.e. Mask, mask color, body color, limbs color, hands/feet color, any headwear, any clothes, etc.) and maybe you'll get to be in an episode of Ask Vezon!


Well, whatcha be waiting for? get asking!


Name: Kovika

Mask: Great Kanohi Huna

Mask Color: White with markings.

Body Color: White, with some icy blue tribal markings.

Limbs: White, with some icy blue tribal markings.

Hands/Feet Color: White, with some icy blue tribal markings.

Clothes: Brown robes and a brown cloak with the Three Virtues symbol stitched into it in grey.

Headwear: A brown hood with a mouth cover. (Connected to cloak.)


As for my question: Vezon, have you ever worked a job as a night guard? 

"In this new- Wait, why am I being quoted?!"

-Kovika, Toa of Ice, Bread Enthusiast, and Ko-Metru Scholar.





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Chapter two


A Job



It was the night Vezon went on his first job: A night guard at a match and explosives factory. Little did he know, though, Irrie was watching. When he had his back turned, The cumbersome Rahk Rock rolled in front of him. "Vezon, honey, why don't we get married?" Vezon burst into a string of nonsense. "Sadalsopnasnonsa how did you get out my house?!?!" He grabbed the annoying speck of a pebble and prepared to chuck it.


Just then, the Petewa of dimension 5 (or -3, I can't tell) ran out in front of him and said "Please! it isn't so bad! just look at it, all smooth and cute. Can't you see anything good in it?"


It didn't take Vezon long to answer that one. "No." He threw the stone into a marching army of cucumbers that randomly passed by, taking the rock and gluing googly eyes to it as it screamed in terror.



"Enough for one night." Vezon leaned against the factory door and lit his cigar. He dropped the match on a convenient fuse sticking out of the door which burnt inside and out of sight. Petewa promptly fainted, and Vezon left her in a dumpster or something.



Kovika sat on Ghiddy's chair as Vezon drank blended haggis, mouth open. "And what next? did the factory blow up?"


"What, you thought It would blow up? you're silly." Vezon said as he sipped on his drink.


Kovika stood. "Well, I guess that answers my question. I'll be seeing you around then, Vezon. One question, though; you still have that job?"



Vezon frowned. "No. The factory closed up after selling all their matches and explosives to the cucumbers."

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Chapter 3


Pizza Time



Vezon threw his captive down the steps into Ghiddy's basement. "Vezon! Yunoloveme?"


It took Vezon a moment to recognize the sentence. "Oh, you don't mean Yuno. You mean asparagus. Yes, asparagus is quite tasty, although I prefer mine dipped in-" The phone was ringing. With a grumble and a stomping off, Vezon marched to the phone and snatched it off its base. "Yes? Hello? This is the house of Vezon, Vezon speaking about Vezon because of Vezon. You say anything, or you here to troll me? I like trolling. Last time I was at the park, I trolled this guy so bad he-"


"STOP PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF MY PHONE BILL!!! It's me, Kovika! Okay? Gosh... Anyway, I just got a job at a pizzeria, and I'm... Totally busy and can't take tonight's shift. You take it for me?"


Vezon quickly answered "I love taking stuff!"




It was dark and rainy as Vezon walked into Freddy's pizzeria & office complex. Obviously he went straight to the pizza.


At about 1:A.M. Something stirred on the security camera. Vezon sat up from snoring under several pizza boxes. The animatronics were alive. "Oh fun immagonnasleepkaythanksgoodnightriddance." He slept again.


By 2 Vezon woke up in an animatronic suit of Freddy Fazbear. They had stuffed him in and actually not killed him in the process, surprisingly. Escaping the pile of rotten electronics, Vezon had to make it back into the control room before they ate all his pizza that he stole!


Down the halls he raced, shouting YOLO all the way. All the animatronics were in the main room, and Vezon raced right into a trap he didn't even think about. They all turned as Foxy shut off the lights.






A scream from Bonnie into the face of Vezon.



Suddenly, a disco ball appeared from the ceiling, shedding light on Vezon, who now wore a black jacket, sunglasses, a backwards baseball cap that said "Piraka", and a gold necklace than had a V. He began rapping out "Yo Yo Piraka" in front of the murderous robots, who proceeded to spasm uncontrollably and throw Patrice Wilson books, which Vezon threw back at them.


This went on for another three hours.




Next morning, as Kovika headed towards the building to check up on Vezon, he found it burnt to the ground with Vezon standing by holding a suitcase and eating a marshmallow. "VEZON!!! WHAT THE KARZ DID YOU DO?! MY BOSS IS GONNA KILL ME FOR THIS!"


Vezon shrugged. "Meh, by now I'm fired anyway. But I got all the monies." He said, grinning and tapping the suitcase. He then walked away, a swagger to his step, brushing past Petewa as she tried to ask him about a hashtag.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck wasn't being eaten by Bike?


Also, the girl I love fall in love with me? I know that Piraka are generally great on relationship advice :P

Edited by Alphonse Elric


Also, if you're a resident of the UK and like Bionicle, go ahead and join

us at this awesome Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/BFUK7/


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Chapter 4
As Vezon rode the heavy-laden metal transport to the Metru Nui Sanitarium, the skyscraper points of the Asylum, could be seen through the heavy rain. The illustrious Vezon was a cop now, and I can promise you it won't last long. He was assigned here to deal with several of the crazies.
(in other words, all of them)
When he arrived, the corpse of patient "Dane" was removed and tossed into the bathrooms while his stuff was unloaded from his room. His closet, however, swung open and revealed a pair of blood-red eyes...
Petewa stepped out from the darkness holding an all too familiar annoying rock. "Y U NO LOVE HIM VEZON?"
As the guards pulled Petewa out of the wall, Vezon strolled down the main hallway until he came to the first room. Inside a bike with a mouth was eating a woodchuck while it was trying to chuck wood. When it finished, it turned and asked Vezon "The girl I love fall in love with me?" Wit a tapon his chin, Vezon answered "Tazmanian orangutan" and went on his way.
In another room, two patients were debating who would win in one on one fights with Ben Reilly, Mayday Parker, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Clark Kent and Superman. They always ended with "Pickle", so obviously they read Ask Vezon. Then one of them ran up to him - specifically, the one with an infected kanohi Hau, black armor coated in rust, thin arms and legs, and a red leather bound dictionary in one hand, and screamed "Does THIS MAsK LOOk InfecTED 2 UUU?!?!?!"


The mask apparently looked broken, along with the being's consciousness. "Goodness, that was almost as bad as my outdoor fishing trip with Patrice Wilson. Too bad he never got that nose back, har har."


The last patient to run up in front of him was wearing pants on his head. "Where are my..."


"No, NO! Look, dork, i'll pay you $73.21 to shut up!"


Taking the generous offer, the being stopped talking long enough for Vezon to escape while he was left shouting "WELL? WHERE IS IT!?". Ah, the end of the hall. Now to walk back down through the chaos, or so Vezon thought, as round the corner two parties faced off. "Ghidora screwed this place up! It's not fair and bad!"

Ghidora suddenly appeared at the other side. "Nuh-uh, it's totes fair and you just don't know anything!"


The two began fighting, slicing at each other with petty insults and half logic, while Vezon dashed past, broke through the window, magicallty survived freezing cold water while carrying a. iphone and escaped unrealisticly easy.




"And that," Vezon said in his big, puffy Victorian chair, "Is how I got feet. Well, seeya all next time!"

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Do you every miss having the Mask of Life as a hat?


Guest Star Me: Mask of Scavenging, full black armor (aside from mask), with trans-neon green hi-lights in arms and legs (to accommodate anti-dermis since i'm a shadow matoran).   

Edited by Durahk


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Vezon, if you were in a Mortal Kombat tournament, do you think you would win?


Also, how would you like to go on an adventure with me into a Visorak-infested BZ-Nui?

"In this new- Wait, why am I being quoted?!"

-Kovika, Toa of Ice, Bread Enthusiast, and Ko-Metru Scholar.





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Vezon, Can I kill the Both of them? I've already ruined Irrie with Googly Eyes.



 Mask: Miru | mask color: Teal | body color: Black | limbs color: Green(Upper) Black(Lower) | hands/feet color: Both are Black | 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Do you every miss having the Mask of Life as a hat?

Do you think Takanuva would still be such a popular character if he was female?

Vezon, if you were in a Mortal Kombat tournament, do you think you would win?

Also, how would you like to go on an adventure with me into a Visorak-infested BZ-Nui?

Vezon, can I kill Dallior?

Vezon, Can I kill the Both of them? I've already ruined Irrie with Googly Eyes.

Can you report Seuz for me?

Can you marry Patrice Wilson for me?



Chapter 5


Happy birthday




Vezon walked back from the police station - he had finished running an errand for a friend reporting a guy named "Seuss", probably. He was surprised when he came back to Ghidora's his house that there was a sign on the yard that said:


It's a Girl!

Hai V3s0n'Z bURtHdAy


"Ermergersh a burthday!" Vezon shriekeded and burst through the door.


Inside it was normal. Er, chaos. Several people were lying about, running over to Vezon and asking to kill each other, and one bloke standing in the middle of the room with a wedding dress and veil on. Beside it was someone who had previously been chanting 'I'm a dragon, I'm a dragon' until Vezon barked in his face, "WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!"


"Ah, Vezon, I wondered where you were. How was your hat? Yuh know, Mask Of Life? Ah, whatever. I've prepared a wedding for you and you have to oblidge!" Bored with the circumstances, Vezon decided to play along. Eventually after nearly breaking his own finger and punching the 'bride' a few times, the veil was lifted and it was-

Patrice Wilson.



Vezon left the police station again, this time having also reported all his house rampagers including Patrice Wilson, charged with breaking & entering, stolen property(the dress was Vezon's), and being annoying. Officer Durahk watched Vezon leave with the reward money from turning in The Irrational Rock.


But when Vezon returned home, he saw a sign that said "House for sale"

                                                                                           "Bab3 Showur"


He pulled out a Mask of Life-shaped hat and glasses. "I love this thing."

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