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You know I've always tried to be an honest person. And while I'm certainly not perfect at it I'd like to think I've done an okay job. Except with one person, myself. I've denied the truth about myself, subconsciously or otherwise. Thinking back I realise I've been doing this for years, probably since 9th grade. I'd tell myself day by day that was completely comfortable with who I was, what I believed, and that I didn't care what others thought of me. That I always acted like me even if it got me weird looks or if I got called a 'freak' or a 'goofball' or whatever the ###### they came up with. I could roll with the punches, laugh at almost everything said about me, and tell everyone I didn't care what people thought of me. That I wasn't going to conform to make other people around me happy. Well, as a certain Tyler so elegantly put it once, I'm a moron. I cared what people thought of me, I still care what people think of me. I can tell myself all day long that I don't but that's just not true. I do. I want to be liked and loved just like any other human being. What people say about me does affect how I act, what I say, and probably even what I think. Sure, I've always kept up the facade that I couldn't care less what people would say, and maybe sometimes I really didn't, but the truth of the matter that every insult, compliment, or criticism affects me in some way or another. I may laugh it off or just act indifferent but inside it still hurts. I love getting attention, especially the center of it and I'd probably say any stupid thing to get it. I've always been the cheerful, generally optimistic, carefree person that I've expected myself to be. That's okay, it's part of who I am, it's not something I can just change, or would ever want to. I've done a pretty good job of maintaining that over the years, but on the inside I feel things that I rarely, if ever speak of, even to myself. I hate yelling, no I'm not talking about your everyday yell of alarm or trying to get someone's attention. I'm talking about that deep, loud, terrifying blood curdling scream that only the grouchiest, meanest of people can summon from their throats. Well, hello to my late grandfather, who I lived with till I was about 13. Now I loved my grandfather, but the man had anger issues like no one I've ever met since. And naturally who was the person who was on the receiving end of this howling? Well if he and my dad weren't busy screaming at each other it was me. I probably don't need to say it sucked. Kind of makes you feel like fleeing in terror and hiding where no one can find you. I don't even know why I'm talking about this, maybe I just need too. I tend to act like I'm not afraid of anything, truth is I feel absolutely terrified on some level. It might not come out every day, or even every week, but it's there somewhere. I'm afraid that people won't like me, hate me, think the things I enjoy are stupid, and I'm pretty sure I could cry if the right person decided to start screaming at me. It used to happen all the time. For a guy who's pretty much declared war against conformity, I'm pretty guilty of it. I've conformed for friends, strangers, my parents, pretty much everyone. So to really start changing all that I'm just going to flat out admit something. I'm genderfluid. Since around my early teens I've been obsessed with the idea of being a woman, I don't think a single day has gone by since then that I haven't at least thought about it once. For a long time I've kept that mostly to myself, sometimes I've wondered if something's wrong with me, or if I need help. I don't even want to think about how my parents would react if they knew how I felt. Well, I'm pretty much sick and tired of hiding it. So I've decided to just outright admit it. I'm genderfluid, might even be a transsexual I don't know. All I know is I've needed to admit it for long time. It's taken me years to get the guts to do this, and you guys were a large part of it, especially my peeps on Skype. <3 So there, my darkest secret is out, yay. God...I'm actually posting this.

These entries don't get many replies, but I mostly make them because I enjoy talking about the writing process. My favorite part of a character is when they finally break free from my hold and grab hold of their own destiny. Perhaps a peculiar sounding idea to some, but powerfully real to me. I bring this up now because for a long time I was having trouble nailing down just who one of my female characters was. I recently extrapolated upon an important event in her past that became probably her most defining moment. It was just today that I realized a choice she was going to make at some point in the story, something I had never anticipated, and no matter what I previously thought her ultimate fate was going to be, I can't say no. She's no longer in my control. That's awesome. TN

I think I can safely say we're all proud of you, Nathan

I've had the climax of Mask of Light in my room for a while now and I didn't even know it.

My high school chemistry teacher nearly killed me when she dropped like waaaay more sodium or potassium or something than she meant to into a thing of water, there was this explosion and smoke filled the whole room and poor me was sitting right up front closest to the thing Chemistry is amazing

i love you guys, really do <3

At least you didn't report a topic for closure after it had been closed. In my defense I didn't know that because I didn't refresh the page.

An interesting idea, but many aspects of the story would have to be crafted to provide some degree of separation from the real world or vagueness. In a story set in the modern day, with real world influences on gender expression, not all characters will have their gender interchangeable. A lesbian in the deep south is going to be affected by her setting in a far different way than a straight man in New York. So unless you're writing a story set in an ideal world where sexism and homophobia are nonexistent, you'll have to purposely write your story in such a way in which all the characters have interchangeable backgrounds. That, or you randomize the genders earlier in the writing process, so that you're still free to take your randomized characters and adjust them for how their gender or sexuality (and how others perceive it) has shaped them over the course of their lives. Don't get me wrong; I'm all for greater diversity and representation in media. At the same time, I think that gender and sexuality are in many cases inseparable from good, realistic characters, especially for minorities who are subjected to real prejudices and stigmas that can affect how they perceive and respond to the world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuIdjU1I-08 Seriously though I really really hope the localization team just carries on and still pretends this is all happening in America. Yes that's right in early 1900s Los Angeles Phoenix Wright's great-grandfather became the first lawyer of the Meiji Restoration. In the great Empire of America.

That would be amazing, I'm with you on this 100%

from one genderfluid individual to another, I'm really happy for you!

Oh my gosh, I have been there before! Not for a year or anything, but for a little while I lived in a cabin in fall and when the weather got super cold the shower would come out cold. So I got a giant bucket, filled it halfway and then boiled a bunch of water on the stove and mixed them to take a shower. It was only for a short time, but yeah, you are a trooper to last a year. It's amazing how little you think of the simple things in life until you don't have them. Seriously, the average person lives pretty well all things considered. Also we didn't have good heating so I would also open the oven and put it on full blast. Couldn't leave it unattended at night, but thankfully I had a wonderful comforter.

GO TAKUA! USE THE HAMMAH! (I use hammah instead of hammer because it's a palindrome, okay?!)

Unfortunately my last name change was too recent. =/ But still, that sounds interesting. I'll likely look into it to familiarize myself. Also, this is just a hunch, but it looks like people here like you anyway. =P

I'd find that hilarious. =D Also tbh I didn't know what genderfluid was till a couple weeks ago, when I saw it and read up on it I was instantly like: Yeah that's me all over. Basically I can feel like a man and a woman at the same time, or a guy one day girl the next, or some mix of the two that doesn't have a label.

Okay, I know this is super important stuff and all, but I just need to get this out of the way: Right now I so want to change my name to "The Duke of Westleton" and just comment about discovering the secret of Arendelle because I am a dork. Okay, sorry, yes important things. Well, I had to look up genderfluid because I didn't recognize what that was. I can't say I fully understand what it is either because I just learned the concept, but I'm glad you're coming to terms with who you are. Anyway, just try not to lose any sleep about other people's opinions and keep calm.

I'd much rather get a report for something a month old than the kind of action taken by a lot of other people around here... Takuma Nuva

Yeah, that's happened to me before.

This sounds like a setup for a new season of Heroes.

Deal.

Only if you let me borrow yours.

@~Shockwave~: Thanks, dude. And eh, don't sweat it. Last Sunday was busy day for most people (What with it being a holiday and all), so I wasn't expecting many people to wish me happy birthday (Especially not here since I hadn't been very active lately. That and well, I am nobody here really.) But anyway, as I said in this entry, I thought it was pretty good birthday. *** Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment, ~Shockwave~. I hope you have a great day. - JMJ 2014

Dude, getting involved in any topic on the internet is a complete and utter joke.

Essays, Not Rants! 109: For Want of a Glass of Water Kurt Vonnegut once said, “every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.” This piece of advice functions as a very simple and straightforward way to ensure a character has some semblance of depth. What's important about a goal? A goal gives a character purpose and gives an audience a reason to invest. In Star Wars, Luke wants to leave Tatooine. In How I Met Your Mother, Ted wanted to meet the mother (or at least we thought he did). In Pirates of the Caribbean, Jack Sparrow wants his ship back. As viewers, we want characters to want something. It’s dull if a character just exists with no want (i.e. Ted for many of the later seasons of Mother). Chuck begins with a very complacent Chuck who’s just floating through life. Receiving the Intersect gives him a purpose too. Characters then have to do something about it. Solid Snake crawls trough a microwave chamber in Metal Gear Solid 4 to stop the Patriots. Katniss famously volunteers as tribute. Taking a proactive role about their goals is what separates Katniss from Bella Swan. The former may want Edward and/or Jacob, but she just sits around; Katniss actively fights for not only her life, but for those of her friends. It’s not enough for a character to have a goal, they have to do something about it. Jack Sparrow spending two hours talking about how much he wants the Black Pearl would be a terribly boring movie. Those are the fundamentals of having a potentially interesting character. Following that we need conflict. There has to be something stopping the character from getting what they want. Harry wants to be a wizard with the sense of family and acceptance it entails, Voldemort wants him dead. That conflict of interest fills seven books. This so called ‘external conflict’ as your High School English teacher called it can be far more subtle. In The Last of Us, Joel’s goal becomes to protect Ellie whereas her goal is to make her life count. For the most part the goals don’t interfere, but when they do we get some magnificent, quiet drama. Additionally, having the protagonist conflicted makes them that much more interesting as we get to watch them change or resist it. Columbus in Zombieland already has the zombies interfering with his goal of staying alive. His emergent want to win Wichita’s heart, though, also screws with his sense of self-preservation. Suddenly, Columbus has to make a choice: what does he value more, his life or Wichita? A conflict like this forces the character to change. Columbus has always been a wimp, someone who’d rather cower than take action. His interactions with Wichita force him to nut up and grow. But what if she doesn’t get the water? Sometimes the most interesting thing to happen in a story is for the character to not achieve their goal. Tom’s goal in (500) Days of Summer is to win Summer’s heart, then to stay with Summer, and then to win her back. It’s his proverbial glass of water and what the film centers on. Tom, however, doesn’t end up with Summer. The complete destruction of his goal forces him to reassess everything and, eventually, gets him back on track to doing what he wants in life. Losing the goal he thinks he wanted reveals what he really wanted. Like a conflicted desire, it gives added layers to his character. Conversely, achieving a goal may crush the character. Zero Dark Thirty ends with Bin Laden dead and Maya Lambert successful. She’s achieved her goal, but her goal was all consuming. The film leaves her suddenly aimless and without purpose, adding a sense of somber hollowness to it all. Just as giving a desultory character a goal yields interest, so does robbing a purposeful character of hers. Wants and goals fuel stories. Look at Game of Thrones, everyone wants something, almost always at the expense of someone else. These goals breed conflict and add depth to characters. Just make it more than a glass of water.

You have no idea.. After a year of not having a hot shower I swear my body was going to go into shock

Bah, you just know they're going to be A-Okay when they're thawed out in the modern day for the sequel. It's basically Captain America all over again. More seriously, I loved the movie. I don't know if I'd rank it up with some of Pixar's best (or The Lego Movie), but it's definitely on-par with the Disney movies of my childhood like Aladdin or Beauty and the Beast.