*Sobs.* He was such a good ex-boyfriend to me... the best ex-boyfriend I ever had. *Takes deep breath and sniffles.* We had such amazing memories together... chasing each other with chainsaws... tying him to a stake and attempting to burn him to death... sending our rabid zombie armies armed with machine guns to each other's houses... all while our friends looked on eating popcorn. *Presses handkerchief to eyes.* And yet, even as we were tearing each other's hair out, even as we shrieked how much we hated each other, even during the time he decapitated me, I knew deep inside that I would never have an ex-boyfriend just like him.
*Gently lays bouquet on top of the coffin and ties a balloon reading "Happy Deathday" to the handle.*
*Walks out slowly, sobbing into her handkerchief.*
Turakii