Cederak

Good point about the color... I MoCed both of them and am writing off of that. Am I allowed to link to the pics?MoC topic for Hardex Yeah, linking to pics is fine. Though it might be better to edit the first review post and keep the link there. The thing about writing though, even if you have images, is that your writing should assume the pictures are never viewed by your reader. It reminds you to make description very important. Not that I'm against MOCs or anything - I once MOCed several characters for a saga of stories on the old board. -Ced

I'm trying to ignore the topic tags, but I've already seen their misuse across the board. I'm a bigger fan of a simple topic description. -Ced

My hope for a Bionicle television series would have animation similar to Gundam Wing. The reality would probably be animation like Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I guess I could settle for that, its just that CGI is so prominent these days. -Ced

20: Synchronized "There are two exits from this locale, Talise," Diltac informed her, holding her hand as they walked along. "One leads to the oblivion of your mind, and one leads to a chaotic mess that cannot be returned from. Are you paying attention?""Yes," Talise nodded, humming to the music."It's a lovely track, isn't it?" Diltac grinned."It's one of my favorites," Talise smiled."I know," Diltac said matter-of-factly. "Would you care to sing a few lines?""I suppose," Talise replied, taking a deep breath. The patrons had turned their attention to Talise now, awaiting her performance. "They say all's fair in love and war, but I don't, want to fight anymore. As the planet falls from a false rebuff... Love, that'd be fair enough. And it tells us now, offer a vow, or meet our maker. There's nothing more perfect than our imperfection."Every biomech in the gallery applauded her efforts, and Diltac politely clapped his fingers to his other palm. "Bravo, Miss Talise. I must ask...what was so amazing about that song?""It's just catchy. I used to hum songs like this during the Arc War."Diltac tapped his chin in deep thought. "Perhaps that was a subconscious escape from the atrocities of war. Judging from this place though, I can tell you have a true passion for artistry. A piece of music is art, and so much more. Come with me."Diltac led Talise around a corridor and through a couple more hallways. The pure white of the walls lined with depictions of triumph and loss was disturbing for Talise, but the pair of doors in the distance felt more imposing. Diltac stopped in front of them and turned to the Vapseron. "You've heard enough here to move on."Talise studied the doors and remained puzzled. The first had a painting of a rare fruit that only grew in southern Wake. Long ago, Ceyvim would bring Talise one when she was sad. A number one was painted over the fruit. The second displayed an airship leaving Vestige at twilight, a place she had docked from before. A number two was depicted on the airship hull."Like yourself, they are both beautiful, but you must choose. I gave you your greatest clue already," Diltac smiled. "There can be no winners without losers, it seems."Talise listened to Diltac's clue echo in her mind a few times. She knew the nature of her mind would ask her to think critically about what she saw and heard. Without hesitation, Talise threw open the door with the airship and beheld a vast library."How were you so certain?" Diltac wondered."I saw through your words," Talise replied coolly. "You said that one led to the oblivion of the mind, and one led to a chaotic mess I could not return from. I didn't want to face those fates, so I chose two.""Very clever," Diltac commended. "I'm afraid this is goodbye for us now.""Goodbye, Diltac," Talise smirked, entering the library. The art gallery vanished from sight once it was behind her, but another biomech was already nearby to assist her."I have almost found you," the booming voice made clear. "I don't know if you can hear me, but you are still too distant - locked beneath the layers of your own mind."Veladri was shuffling through several books, finally taking notice of the Vapseron. "Do you need help finding something?""I need to find the way out," Talise replied. "Didn't you hear that loud voice?""The only voice I heard was yours," Veladri chuckled. "The way out should be obvious, Vapseron. If you need help finding a book, come talk with me."Talise walked up to the nearest shelf and pulled a book down. Thumbing through the pages, she quickly discovered it was entirely blank. Talise grabbed another book, only to discover the same thing. She looked through a few more, casually tossing them to the floor along the way. "Why are all the books in this library blank?"Veladri tilted his head in confusion. "Have you read every book in this library?""Not yet," Talise confessed. "But at least five of them are blank.""So you admit you're making a claim you cannot fully support?" Veladri questioned.Talise was at a loss for words and Veladri burst out laughing in return. "You are a victim of belief.""Where can I find the truth?" Talise asked, demanding an answer."Look around you," Veladri suggested, pointing across the many shelves. "The truth is in every book. So it is written, so shall it be."Talise walked over to the front desk and picked up a pen. She grabbed one of the books laying on the floor and scribbled in it. The pen worked, and Talise wrote across the page.Talise wrote in the empty book and the way ahead was revealed.She set the pen down and watched several massive shelves come crashing down. Beyond them was a grand hall with glowing tiles. Talise turned to look at Veladri, but he was still preoccupied with archiving books. The Vapseron stared into the hallway and felt herself drawn to it. As if pulled by some unseen force, Talise examined her legs moving her ahead. The floor tiles on the left glowed red, and the right tiles were a calm blue. The ceiling had a similar division of black and white. At the end of the hall, Sovereign Carzandus stood solemnly."What is right and wrong, Talise?""You're going to lecture me!?" Talise asked in disgust. "You have no right to ask me anything, not after what you did to me and my squad!""What I did..." Carzandus mused. "I acted with the best intentions. Thus, we return to the question. What is right and wrong?""Right is when you act in a good way. Wrong is when you act in a bad way," Talise replied, uttering the first answer that came to mind."Good and bad are merely views; they are our own creations," Carzandus said, as if reciting a prepared statement."Do you have a better answer?" Talise challenged."Having an answer is meaningless compared to what could be done with the answer," Carzandus laughed in a haughty tone.Talise hurled a blast of chain lightning at Carzandus, blowing a hole through the end of the hallway. Carzandus stared down at his chest, placing his fingers in the opening Talise made. he showed no sign of pain or defeat, but stood aside all the same. Talise marched past him without another word, leaving the hallway behind. The tiles were replaced by soft grass, and the hallway surrendered to a quiet field. Standing on a lone hill was an alien biomech, waiting for the Vapseron. Talise knew this alien and calmly drew near to him."Hello, Talise," he greeted softly. The contours of his glossy black armor were lined with a brilliant shade of green. Talise looked him straight in the eyes, having never had a chance to do so on Arc. They were a cool violet - eyes that had witnessed birth and death, creation and destruction, and the rise and fall of many."You're Nerozak, right?" Talise asked. "You're the voice I've been following.""Indeed," Nerozak smirked."Where will you lead me now?" Talise wondered."I don't know," Nerozak replied in a near whisper. "You are trapped in a place between dimensions - an expanse of dark aether. This is where my subconscious mind exists. What you have traveled through thus far is a road to enlightenment. When it ends, you will be in sync with the Vesteron that could destroy you." Nerozak gazed out at the field and smiled. "If you leave this place, even if you should fail on Arc, you will retain your free will against the Vesteron in you.""What does that mean?"Nerozak looked into her eyes. "Rather than lose yourself in the dark aether, your mind will call this place home. In theory at least.""That doesn't sound much better than losing my mind altogether," Talise frowned."Then you should push onward," Nerozak proposed.Talise started across the field, unsure of where she was going or where the end was. Nerozak followed her, curiously examining a flower now and again."Do you know anything about me, Nerozak?""We met a couple times...you didn't say much," Nerozak replied, brushing his foot over a dying weed. "I understand I am unsettling to some of your kind. Biomechs were once unsettling to me as well.""When did your opinion of us change?"Nerozak looked up, staring through the thin atmosphere and into the endless sea of stars that was visible despite the golden sun among them. "The Great Beings created archaic entities to hold dominion over fundamental powers of the universe. They sent us away to fulfill our purposes, but it seems they grew lonely. It's sad how their creations are too chaotic and unpredictable to live in the harmony the Great Beings desired for them. I have grown tired of this universe and those who inhabit it. They complicate everything and constantly fight efficiency, even when it is placed at their feet. My hope in biomechs has failed.""Is it true that you renounced your position?" Talise said curiously. "Are you no longer the Arbiter of the Cosmos?""I could not continue to serve the Great Beings, given all that has transpired. I feel only pity for you, Talise. The Axiom Union misunderstands my existence and nature and seems to cower at what I could do to Arc if provoked. These same individuals hope to pressure the Axiom's leaders into abdicating their hegemony, and this mastery of fear only serves to strengthen them. Even criminals have started an effort to reclaim power and support in challenging the Axiom's supremacy. A second global war seems imminent, and Arc may not survive this one.""Biomechs destroyed your spirit, didn't they?" Talise asked unhappily."Unfortunately," Nerozak sighed."I want to help you regain your hope in us," Talise said, smiling at Nerozak.Nerozak's head slightly turned up and he looked at her uncertainly."I need to know how I can leave this place," Talise reminded him."It's already done," Nerozak stated in a soothing voice. "You have left, you have yet to arrive, and you are trying to leave all at once.""You lost me," Talise chuckled.Nerozak smiled at her perplexity. "You had the power to leave all along. This place, this dark aether, is a realm of antimatter. I am an entity of matter, of the aether that is the void. That energy cannot be destroyed, only redistributed. The same principle remains true here; antimatter can be rearranged by those who are caught inside it. You have no concept of wielding matter on the scale of a star system, but if you focus, you can at least make a doorway out. Trust me when I say your adventure will not be left incomplete.""I'll give it a try," Talise replied, closing her eyes. She imagined the world around her and pictured a portal exploding into existence. She opened her eyes and the portal appeared nearby. Inside the swirling energy was a glimpse of the Iridescent continent on Arc. "Is what I'm seeing real?""What you see...exists," Nerozak replied hesitantly."Thank you for helping me, Nerozak," Talise smiled, offering the alien entity a hug. Nerozak accepted, feeling slightly awkward for a second. Talise left for the portal, stepping through to return home. Instead of the soft landing she wanted, Talise found herself harshly thrown forward into a snow bank. Her fellow Vapseron fell into the snow around her, immediately touched by the bitter cold of Iridescent. Review

Welcome to the Epic Critics Club! This topic carries the purpose of allowing epic authors here on BZPower to have their work read, reviewed, and critiqued. WE ARE NOT CURRENTLY ACCEPTING EPICSNote: New epics will not be accepted until the previous batch is finished. Check this post to see if we are presently accepting new work.If you are viewing this post primarily as an author, the following are a few guidelines and regulations.1.) Only one of your epics will be reviewed at a time. We will make every attempt to read through your work as quickly and thoroughly as possible, but for the sake of fairness, other authors will be on our agenda as well.2.) An epic will only be reviewed one time by the ECC. However, if you believe a substantial amount of work has gone into your epic since its ECC review, PM me to make an appeal on the matter. ECC critics are exempt from this entire rule. In your appeal, simply describe why you think you have done enough to garner another review and you will be notified of our decision.3.) Requests for a review will be handled in a simple format. How you choose to post the request is your business, but it must contain the format if you expect a review.4.) Questions, comments, and concerns should be sent directly to my PM box where I can handle them personally. Any grievances with a critic's review of your work go to Aderia. Please do not, however, PM me with a review request. I'll just direct you to this topic.5.) You cannot request a particular critic to review your work. That is a matter best left to PMing them directly. And even then, it's their call to say whether they have the time or not.6.) Courtesy is a must. We are kind enough to offer a service intended to help you grow as a writer, it seems only reasonable that we receive a degree of respect for our efforts. I am holding everyone to a high level of maturity on this matter.7.) Each request will receive a Tier Designation. Tier 1 requests are from writers, Tier 2 requests are appeals, and Tier 3 requests are from critics. A request's Tier Designation number also determines the number of weeks a critic has to complete the assignment.The following is the Review Request Format I mentioned earlier. Your post will contain the listed three requirements. If it does not, I will disregard it.1.) Story Name + link2.) Review topic link3.) Number of ChaptersThis concludes the author-based portion of my post. Once again, The Epic Critics Club is looking forward to reading your work and assisting you in becoming a stronger writer. Reading on will allow you to learn more about our critic staff and the requisites for becoming a critic yourself.Q.) You want to become a critic? (NOT CURRENTLY ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS)A.) That's fantastic! A selfless volunteering service is always excellent news. Regrettably, we cannot accept every hopeful out there. To ensure quality reviewing among our staff, I simply ask that you fill out the application below and PM it to me under the subject: Critic Resume.Application FormUsername/Nickname: Most will prefer their username, I'm sure, but reviewing under a penname is entirely acceptable.Why do you want to be a critic? - Pretty straightforward here.Describe you. - Outline your personality. Again, straightforward.After sending me this very basic application, I will respond with an excerpt of my early work here on the forums that you will critique. Your critique will be a major deciding factor in whether or not you are accepted.Staff BiosHahli Historian: ECC Director, Public Relations - Maintain and lead ECC, handle any/all PR campaign work.About Me: I have quite a bit of experience with writing (some from school, most of it from my free time and my mother) and like helping others to discover the joy of authorship. I've seen a lot of the writing on this and other sites, and many of the stories just need a little help, or constructive criticism to make them the best they can be. I also know from personal experience how hurtful it can be when everyone just says "it's awful", and doesn't help you understand why they think that, or how to make it better. Think of me less as a "critic" and more of an editor, someone who helps you make your work better.On Critiquing: I'm looking for the spirit of your work, the ideas you're attempting to flesh out on paper. If you have a story worth telling, there's going to be a way to make it a good one. Characters, personality, and plots are what's important to me. While grammar is definitely important, it's also something that can always be fixed later. But trust me, spell check is not evil. Cederak: ECC AdvisorAbout Me: I'm a fairly sarcastic person at times, something I distance myself from when I need to be serious. I am particular according to some, but I think I just know what I like. And what I like are nice things. ...And there begins the sarcasm.On Critiquing: I'm looking for flow. Spelling errors are quick fixes, but grammar can outright ruin the flow to a story and break immersion for the reader. I try to be helpful though, and I'm constantly looking for alternative ways for a writer to express what they want to say.Velox: ECC Co-Director, Human Resource Management - Run the ECC as a counterpart to the Director, Oversee intern training and promote a positive environment for critics.About Me: I am currently the Curator of the Short Stories Critics Club and a Forum Assistant here on the forums, Previously I have held the positions of Curator of the Comedies Critics Club and Co-Curator of the Epics Critics Club. Unfortunately, my time is very limited nowadays, and as such I am not able to be a critic here at this time -- I will, however, be helping out on the administrative side of things, so feel free to PM me with any questions. I enjoy reading, writing, and a bunch of other things -- take a look at my blog, profile, or staff bio on the main page if you want to know more about me.On Critiquing: Probably the main thing I look for is proper grammar/spelling, along with awkward-sounding sentences and the like. I'm a big fan of characterization, great plots, and a good flow of writing, and so I try to comment on those as well. Basically when I review something I'm just trying to find every single thing I dislike -- even if only slightly -- in order to help writers become the best they can be. Because let's face it: we can all always get better.Aderia: ECC Internal Affairs - Follow-up with clients after a review and handle critic policy violations.About Me: Well, let's see... I have a soft spot for ducklings and cheesecake brownies. But that's not exactly relevant. Okay, so I've been writing in the Bionicle fandom since sixth grade, and let me just say, I am not proud of my first attempts of an epic. That being said, you will have to write something truly atrocious to faze me. Back in the day, before I joined BZP, I was more of the "Yay, nice story, update soon, keep up the good work *smiley face* " type. But really, what help is that? I've had enough of those types of reviews in my past to make me barf. So don't worry about shallow reviews (though you might still see a smiley face or two )On Critiquing: Okay, you got me. I confess, if I see a story that takes up a gazillion pages (and a gazillion hours to read), yes I'm intimidated. The only way I'll keep reading is if the story is gripping from the start and has enough flow to keep me reading through and wanting more. But reviewing as part of the ECC, ditching the story if I lose interest isn't a choice. So what I look for is flow, character development, intrigue, and plot advancement, outside of the usual spelling/grammar etc. What really makes a good story is an author who knows just how to guide their readers through their imagination and make them see things their way. Give me an all around good story, you'll get a good review, but give me a story that needs work, you'll get an even better review.TNTOS: ECC Community Product Assessment - Locate charity epics and assign them to ECC critics accordingly.About Me: I've been writing BIONICLE fanfiction on BZP almost since the day I first joined, so I think I have a bit of experience when it comes to writing. Because I wish to be a novelist someday, I am always looking for ways to become a better writer myself.On Critiquing: I will basically point out anything I think is a flaw, but I primarily focus on character and plot. Another major thing I look at is point of view (POV) and consistency with the POV of your story. Dialogue is another aspect I focus on, too.Zarayna: ECC CriticAbout Me: I'm a standard member of these forums, but also an active writer, and semiactive reviewer (I review for the SSCC and now for the ECC, but not much else, except for when occasional spurts of reviewing energy flood my being). I spend most of my time on BZP either in the library, the blogs, or in the RPG forum, where I run the newly started RPG Critics Club.On Critiquing: The top thing that makes me edge away in panic is, yes, length: long descriptions, long chapters, and large amounts of chapters are a scary thing for me. Boring characters and plot also set me of, although they also fire me up to critique on things; often the more flaws a story has, the more I enjoy reviewing it. Generally, I like to read stories that are not too long, which have good settings and plots, and just as important, if not more, good characters. Setting and plot are very important though; I will often enjoy an okay story with an excellent plot over a better written story that has a plot that is ill constructed, or just not appealing to me. I enjoy reading and reviewing a good story, but in the long run... A flawed story is almost more fun to review.GSR: ECC Data Officer - Keep a record of all official requests and charity assignments the ECC has completed.About Me: Occasionally I sit down, lay my head on the keyboard, and then sort of roll it back and forth for a while before running spellcheck. I've been informed that this is apparently called "writing". In any event, it's quite fun. I have joined the ECC to help others master the art of smashing letters onto a page and then passing it off as meaningful. On Critiquing: Solid prose and wordplay is a huge, huge plus - a good story should never make you feel like you're working to get through a paragraph. If your story is clunky or just doesn't gel for some reason, I'll probably pick up on that. That isn't to say plot and characters and the like are unimportant; you can write some very fancy, enjoyable-to-read descriptions, but without a strong plot or character or something to back them up you're not writing a story, you're writing advertising copy. As for orthography, I'm not really the kind of guy to track down every single spelling or grammar slip-up - instead, I'll try to ID patterns in any mistakes I see and let you know about those. Furthermore, I do try to provide examples and reasoning for my critiques so you can have a good starting point for addressing them in the future. And if I seem harsh, just remember - I critique because I care.Nick Silverpen: ECC CriticAbout Me: Once in a blue moon poster, I'm always browsing, seeing what's going on in these forums. A member of these forums for almost 9 years, I've not been the most active, but I've always been into writing, but I tend to plan my writing more than I actually write. A writer betters himself by reading, and I feel like I should get to know the other authors of the forums.On Critiquing: I like to look for flow. I'm looking for a good story, one i can roll around in my head. A page turner. While I say I like to see stories on a consistent posting schedule, I don't do what I preach- whenever a writer can get something written in the time that they have is good. Keeps the reader waiting anxiously. Style is a biggie that I look at; whether you're long and descriptive, or short and quick, or even somewhere in the between, I like to see the perspectives people have on storytelling. Grammar is good, but not overly important. Vocab is helpful, but over fluffing it is unnecessary.Sechs - King of Facade: ECC InternAll critics will be held to the following rules. If you feel a critic has overstepped one of these boundaries, please PM Aderia and action will be taken accordingly.1.) Your reviews will be constructive. This is open to interpretation, but if I am alerted that your criticism was entirely negative in scope with nothing to offer, my counterpart Velox and I will work to correct the issue and PM you regarding it.2.) Post in this topic once you have finished reviewing an epic. Including a direct link to your review post is appreciated, though optional.3.) Any information on changes, new hires, or departures will be shared with all critics. I hope to keep you in the loop as much as possible.4.) Termination is always a possibility. Though I'd like for everyone who leaves to do so of their own accord, termination will be on the table if a critic has a history of problem behaviors.5.) Being a critic means being available. If you are busy, tell me. If I never hear from you, I don't know your situation and termination may become a possibility.6.) Be the model of maturity. Keeping up with the stream of review requests can be a task in itself. Acting like less than adults will only make life harder. I'm trusting you to act your age.7.) If you are a critic assigned to review an ECC member's work, you will have 3 weeks to complete the task. (A request placed by a critic to the ECC will be treated like any other - with professionalism.)Once again, welcome to the Epic Critics Club! Best wishes to all writers and a thank you to the critics!-Cederak (ECC Director) To Those That Served Before, We Owe You a Debt of Gratitude Epic Critics Club 5 - Leader: Alena Spirit of Hyperness (March 9, 2011 - April 24, 2011) Epic Critics Club 4 - Leader: <daydreamer> (July 31, 2010 - February 15, 2011) Epic Critics Club 3 - Leader: <daydreamer> (May 5, 2007 - July 31, 2010) Epic Critics Club 2 - Leader: Twenty-Two (July 27, 2006 - May 5, 2007) Epic Critics Club 1 - Leader: Sws4 (May 6, 2006 - July 27, 2006) Request Agenda

I'd have to say Time Trap and Inferno are my favorites. -Ced

I've always been a fan of the library, though I find myself wandering the rest of the forums now and again. Except CoT. That place is insane. -Ced

I was planning to finish posting my epic. But six months later, here I am posting the remainder. So in a way, BZP forced me to have patience. Unfortunately, being patient gets boring... -Ced

Trees are seldom an engaging topic for me, but I like this epic so far. There's no real sense of urgency to it, its just a day in the life. Interesting way to start. Details and descriptions are pretty good too, though as Venomcus said, Xinlo's colleagues could use some color. Linking to images of characters is no excuse for skimping on their look in the story. Remember that. Spelling is fine, and as for grammar - just these two stood out. Either "a" or "the" should go. Your call. high-paying I have no idea where this epic is going, and I like that. Too many epics here are played out. I know who the good guys are, and why they fight the bad guys. And the bad guys are just that, bad guys. Environmentalism crept into your story a few times, and that can definitely skew whose intentions are really "good." The Vortixx robberies suggest what could come, but that might be a stepping stone to something even greater. Keep at it, you're on the right track. -Ced

You're off to a decent start. No noticeable problems with grammar or spelling. Spacing dialogue would be nice, though I suppose it isn't required. More of an aesthetic really. Anyway... Characters are good, though their description could use some work. And some color. I had no idea Hardex was red until Radeeka said something about it. In terms of story, I like the sense of rising action so far. It'll be interesting to see what happens next. -Ced

Building a story is no simple feat. You need a locale, sometimes smaller locales within the main one, and then you need something to populate all that mass. For someone who wants to build off of an already established universe, your efforts have my respect. However, there are some issues that have you falling short. The most noticeable problem is how your chapter is a mass of text. Space out your thoughts, even if one person is narrating. That open line helps to separate different topics. Next, I want you to look at your review topic post. You're giving me storyline. You're giving me storyline that was nowhere to be found in your story and it wound up here. I recommend removing any story-based info on your epic from the review post and either incorporating it into the epic, or waiting until your character has learned for himself. If you're really set on giving details here, maybe retool and downsize your post until you have a synopsis. Be conservative with what you choose to give away though. And now we have spelling and grammar. As a rule, elements (and the word elements) are not capitalized. The same goes for landforms that are not specifically named. Keep that in mind. I would ordinarily point out and quote these problems, but your grammatical and spelling issues are fairly prominent. Sweep back through the chapter for yourself, I'm sure you can fix it up in no time. Okay, so we've touched on the negatives. Again, I want to stress that building from the ground up is no simple matter. You're following a similar formula to islands like Mata Nui and Metru Nui, but giving your epic a life of its own is a lofty task. My advice is to type out your chapters in MS Word or a program that will make note of grammar and spelling issues before you post a chapter. Following the story of a chronicler is one Bionicle has done itself, but if you do it right, you can make it your own. You're only one chapter in, so there's plenty of room for improvement and a lot of potential as to where this story is headed. Best of luck, Astrotorical. -Ced

So far, your epic seems to be following Clive Barker's story pretty closely. I'd like to hope that was more of a jumping-off point, rather than see this become a simple reimagining that uses Bionicle characters. Guess I'll have to see. First things first. I think you want "instilling." Minor issue, I know. Second, that elementary school "I before E" rule plays into the word "review." Another minor issue, but an invaluable lesson to keep in mind. Looking at the story, I can't say a whole lot. For the time being, you're essentially duplicating an existing work and tossing it into the Bionicle universe. So I'll talk about the characters instead. Roodaka is...close. She always gave me that "I-know-something-you-don't know" feel, and here, she seems to be playing things pretty straightforward. Though, I could be entirely wrong and she could have something up her sleeve anyway. As for Nektann, I like him. He feels a little one-dimensional, but his warlord-iness (made-up word for you) feels genuine. Irnakk, however, is another story. I get that you're staying fairly true to your "inspiration" material, but there's an expectation I have of Irnakk after reading BL5: Inferno. He isn't just this merciless, ferocious, monster. He is intelligent, thoughtful, and rational in his own way. Don't be afraid to give him a voice down the road. Structurally, this is a good story. Description is solid, grammar is fine. Stay away from making a carbon copy of the source material that adds Bionicle characters and you could have an excellent epic here when you're done. -Ced

It varies. Sometimes I post several times in a day, sometimes I'll go a couple weeks without a single post. -Ced

19: Unnatural Introspection Talise reluctantly stepped through the shadowed portal, a wave of cold washing over her body. She was in another realm entirely - one of a darkness that spanned infinitely in all directions. Talise had the sensation of floating, but it was hard to tell if this was accurate. Looking from her feet to the rest of her form, Talise noticed a static-like, white glow that encompassed the outline of her body. Beyond that and her mind, nothing more of Talise existed there."Why?"A disembodied voice boomed through the shadows, clearly speaking to Talise. It was a male voice, and vaguely familiar. She strained to see the source, or anything for that matter. "Hello?""Why are you here?""I'm lost!" Talise cried. "I need to find my way to the other side of a portal!"Silence met her words, and for a minute, Talise wondered if the voice would return. At last, a response broke through."I can help you reach the other side, but you must follow my instructions. The place you have entered is unlike any you have ever known. I cannot be sure where you were headed, but with the right direction, you will arrive there eventually."The darkness rapidly dissolved, giving way to a bright sky. The light cascaded in, and Talise watched as her body fully returned. She was now standing on the sky deck of an airship - a replica of the one she flew on during the battle with Spirarahk. Talise opened the hatch to the ship and peered inside. A stone staircase led down to an eerie graveyard, blanketed in a mist. Talise carefully took her first steps and cautiously descended the stairs. As the mist distorted her vision, Talise looked up once more to see the airship bridge scene. It appeared just as sunny among the clouds."This world doesn't make sense," Talise muttered, curious if the voice could still hear her. No answer came, and she assumed he was too far away. Entering the graveyard, Talise was slightly put off by the mist immediately becoming level with her waist. As if wading through water, Talise trudged past the gravestones. She glanced at one and cringed at the name. She looked at another, then another. They all bore the same inscription."The final resting place of Misses Ceyvim, her life was all that could save him."Talise felt like crying, remembering how her mother had been taken from her too soon. This graveyard was a constant reminder of that event, unwilling to let her forget. Talise had no knowledge of the Axiom's plan to bomb Respite, but she had survivor's guilt. The Vapseron believed if she had been faster or smarter, she could have rescued her mother that day."This place is important," the voice returned loudly. "It is keeping you from moving forward. Your mind must overcome something.""How can I overcome this!?" Talise yelled. "She died because of me!""You must interact with your five senses.""Like sound and touch?""No," the voice said adamantly. "Those are external senses. You are facing mental barriers."A bolt of lightning sizzled through the hazy skies. "I am losing my connection with you. Move beyond this graveyard and I will relocate you soon."Talise could see the shadow of a figure walking through the distant mist, confident and precise. The Vapseron watched the entity stand beneath the light of three moons and brush her hand against one of the tombstones. The biomech had a pair of angelic wings on her back and a sullen expression that stared into Talise's spirit."What do you know, my daughter?""Merolsy..." Talise stammered. Her mother was as beautiful here as she had been in life. Merolsy's elegant diamond armor shown like a jewel in the moonlight. "I was told you could teach me."Merolsy laughed. It was the laugh of a maniac, and Talise was truly horrified."This is your mind, Talise. Where else could I exist now?""How do you know that?"Merolsy took her daughter by the hand and looked her in the eye. "You know that. Being in your mind, some subconscious part of yourself is aware of this place's intention and purpose. I know everything you know...nothing more, nothing less."Talise's mother leapt atop one of the gravestones and balanced herself on one leg. "The difference between you and I is that I do not suffer the inconvenience of needing memory to explain myself. You search your thoughts like thumbing through book after book in a library for a single sentence. In here, I am every word in every book.Talise could see Merolsy was enjoying herself, but Talise was out of patience for her mind's tricks. She pushed Merolsy off the grave and stormed away."Are you tired of me already?" Merolsy asked playfully. "I suppose I shouldn't expect great things from a daughter as pathetic as you. You're nothing but Vapseron slime now.""I have no reason to speak with you," Talise said coldly, keeping her pace."I am the way ahead!" Merolsy argued.Talise held her mother by the throat and glared at her. "You cannot show me anything I don't already know. You know everything I know, or so you say. If that's true, then I am the way ahead."Merolsy batted Talise's hand away and leapt backwards onto a gravestone. Clasping her hands together, she slowly lowered her head. "We must continue."Near the edge of the graveyard, the door to a grand mausoleum creaked open and let more light flood the bleak grounds."Walk into the light," the voice commanded.Talise did as instructed and pushed the door open all the way. She was standing in front of a lavish art gallery now. Walking through the entryway, she could hear one of her favorite songs playing through the area's speakers. Many patrons casually strolled about the tile floors, examining paintings and statues. Most were unknown faces, but one individual stood out to Talise. Captain Diltac advanced from the nearby wall and greeted Talise with a polite smile."Good day, Miss Talise," Diltac grinned, gently taking her hand and kissing it. "Shall we have a look around the gallery?"Talise rolled her eyes, uncertain of what awaited her. "Yeah, I suppose." Review

I was genuinely excited. And relieved that I wouldn't be greeted by disappointment when I clicked the BZP shortcut in my browser anymore. -Ced

New material is hard to make without new storyline to inspire it. Of course, maybe we overlooked some potential humor in what we already have... -Ced

The "See-what-else-google-can-find-to-interest me-half-year-long-variety-show" -Ced

I played a lot of Xbox games. Arkham Asylum, Bad Company 1 and 2, Limbo, L.A. Noire, and Crysis 2. And there was working and college as well. But that's the boring side of my latest 6 months. -Ced

Bionicle as a musical, while very unlikely, seems entirely doable. The entire story would be a lot to encompass, but focusing in on a year might work. -Ced

1.) Have you changed since BZP came back? Not really, no.2.) How have you changed? I am 1/2 a year older.3.) Have you noticed anyone else change? Not here. Not yet.4.) Where do you see yourself in five years? Most likely Earth. -Ced

18: Despair Has a Home Landrak led the Seraphs down through the palace, noting the obvious decorating changes Calirry and Domilius had made. Chunks of carpeting had been shredded, entire portions of the wall had been blasted to dust, and chandeliers were in pieces on the floor. After descending a few levels, Selpiar pointed out a very disconcerting sight."Well that's...nice."The Vapseron followed Selpiar's line of sight down the hall and found a stasis tube sitting in the dark. The biomechs approached it, but when they drew closer to the next entryway, they could see several more down the staircase. Landrak followed the stairs, curiously finding biomechs sealed in transparent tubes all around. Below each, Domilius personally inscribed a crime he found them guilty of."What kind of place is this?" Talise asked worriedly."A place for mechanical amusement," Landrak sighed. "Domilius saw these biomechs as criminals and sealed them away to an eternal slumber. I mean, look at some of the placards! 'Failure to be brave,' 'Failure to escape,' 'Failure to win.' This is ridiculous."Selpiar gave one of the tubes a hard tap. "They'll break, but not without a fight. Domilius would notice before we were finished.""We'll free them eventually," Landrak promised, continuing on.As they descended, the stasis tubes grew fewer in number, though the tube designs began to change. Some of their contents were now slightly conscious, able to feel the random electrical shocks induced in the tube's liquid environment now and again. Others would play loops of mysterious voices whispering dark and terrible things, meant to leave the listener hopeless over time. Others painfully depleted the life from a biomech before giving it all back, only to repeat the process."This is awful," Aurozi muttered. "I knew Domilius felt strongly about his opinion on biomechs, but this seems excessive.""Don't forget what we're dealing with here," Landrak replied. "Domilius is a Kyllidahk that only has selfishness on his mind. He's a renegade machine.""Renegade machines get shut down, last time I checked," Selpiar smirked.At the very bottom level, three makeshift thrones sat in the center of the room, all positioned away from one another. Each had a final, golden placard below the throne. Verton paced the chairs, and read each message aloud. "'Failure to prevent global war,''Failure to embrace a gift,' and 'Failure to see the truth.'" The armrests all contained energy bonds and were clearly sitting in reserve for the entities Domilius found the greatest faults with. Beyond the chamber was the sealed gateway Domilius spoke of, and on the other side was the entryway to the planetary core. Talise pressed a hand to the door and could feel the raw energy inside it."What will you do now?"The Vapseron whirled in surprise to find Calirry had followed them the entire way. Her voice was demanding and suspicious. Landrak's voice, however, remained steady."I'll find the source of the entryway's power and deactivate it. Even if Arc weren't at risk, the Aether Network must be repaired. I need to cure my friends of this energy before it conquers us.""I see," Calirry nodded, approaching Landrak without a trace of fear. She offered Landrak her hand. Landrak glanced at his friends, then at the mechanical hand, then at Calirry."Okay," Landrak agreed, taking her hand. Uncertain of Calirry's intentions, no one - least of all Landrak - expected the automaton to draw him in and carefully kiss him. Holding Landrak's head in place, Calirry breathed in, drawing a silvery sphere of light from Landrak's mouth. She let it hover in her hand and stared curiously at Landrak."What did you do?" Landrak questioned."A small part of your power must be sacrificed if you wish to succeed," Calirry explained. "The union of Kyllidahk and Vapseron energies can yield astonishing results, on the occasions they are brought together."Calirry pushed the sphere into the doorway and it dissolved on contact, creating a portal of light in the process. She then turned back to the Vapseron. "The source of the gateway's power lies beyond, but the portal's creator cannot enter."Landrak took a moment to register the gravity of her words. "That's fine. My team has proven themselves competent without me already this week.""Why would Domilius seal off the planetary core in the first place?" Endico wondered."Because there is more on the other side of this barrier than a simple core," Calirry revealed. "On every world, Great Beings or their agents built durable structures that interacted with one another via faster than light signals. The structures act as gateways to one another, allowing portal transfers to a dark matter universe. In this dimension, matter can roam much more freely, and can interact with portals billions of light-years in distance from one another instantaneously. This allowed the Great Beings to immediately visit worlds at their discretion.""How do you know that?" Aurozi asked."She's paraphrasing from The Eternal Void," Selpiar explained."Very astute," Calirry smiled. "Back to the point, the network needs to be reactivated if you wish to save Arc. To warn of an imminent total power failure, the world where the network hub is located would produce seemingly natural effects through the planet. It was Amtra's role to reset the network in the event of a problem. Without him to use the core as a recharger, the Aether Network will inevitably and permanently shut down. This will allow my brethren and I to reconnect with our maker, but Arc will unquestionably die. There is a way to save this world while also opening the way to our maker, and you hold the answer now. But opening this gateway will require you to overcome my brother, Gelidonhr.""We'll defeat him," Talise replied confidently, "and then we'll return for Landrak as soon as possible.""In the ideal scenario, yes," Calirry smirked. "You better get going.""I'll be here when you're done," Landrak smiled, folding his arms.The biomechs accepted Landrak's optimism and entered the portal, journeying to a region unlike any they were accustomed to. Review

To my knowledge, the earliest post I could locate was made September 22, 2005, here in GD in response to what I would like to know most about Bionicle. Six years later, my stance on spoilers really went in the other direction. -Ced

Was there a time when memes weren't taking over? There has been (and will always be) a prominent occurrence of some running trend that will capture the attention of many. The only difference now is that we are seeing new trends. And it won't be long before another shift comes our way. This place is an amalgam of different cultures and sub-cultures, but now and again, you'll find one trend transcends the lines between them more powerfully than others. tl;dr - Memes are a constant and the rise of a trend is a cyclical occurrence. -Ced

This is a great story, though I must say, your opening had me cringing. A bit of information overload is all. Maybe try:"Toa Veran felt his anger rising, a white hot intensity like the plasma he wielded. "Xalcak!" The source of the Toa team leader's rage walked away, out of view thanks to the mountain ridge he stood upon." Just a suggestion, feel free to restructure (or leave it) any way you like. Not hard to defeat, but difficult to fight? Sounds like they're a challenge, but once exhausted, are no longer a problem. Right? I ran across some similar issues throughout the chapter, but those issues aside, I really like this epic. The characters feel solid and have a good sense of who they are. I would have mentioned having a problem with the constant back and forth between the past and future scenes, but given this epic's title, I assume you're leading up through a series of similarities that will culminate in something big. Looking forward to more! -Ced

You've got an interesting start to what could become a great story. Aside from a couple spelling and grammar issues, I do have a couple other critiques. First is your characters. I get that Tetak dislikes negative Matoran and Laza seems a bit temperamental from what I gathered, but you can explore them to a far greater depth. Are they trusting? What motivates them? Its little things that work toward making characters feel more whole and - by extension - real. Second is the use of "mental speech," which I recommend employing in moderation. I mean, how much of what you think is actually spoken in your head? We do a lot more acting than thinking out how we feel. But again, these are only ideas. You're the director here. As for Nia and Jet...what are they? My assumption was Toa, but I could be way off. Overall, the story is fairly engaging and has potential. Keep at it. -Ced