(REVIEW) Bionicle Mafia: Book 2 - Extraction

[Voltex]

NEW CHAPTERS EVERY WEDNESDAY

Credit to TBK

PRIOR READING

Prelude - Book 1: Isolation - All Hail the King

 

PREMISE

Having survived a conference where nearly 200 Matoran were killed, a small group of survivors bands together with the residents of BZ-Koro, the island city where the conference was located. Hunted by operatives of the White Council and fighting against the mysterious forces of Project Mayhem, they must not only survive this latest onslaught, but also prepare for war.

 

CHAPTERS

Story Here

Prologue - C1 - C2 - C3 - C4 - C5 - C6 - C7 - C8 - C9 - C10 - C11 - Epilogue

 

THE ROLES

This series is based on the Mafia games in the Games & Trivia forum; as such, some of the roles from those games are used as baselines within this tale.

 

Pro-Town
Matoran x12 - Ordinary Matoran; they vote, don't do much else.
Medic x1 - Can protect one other person each night from death.
Detective x1 - Can learn the role of one other person each night.
Mayor x1 - Has double votes at the lynching.
Armed Matoran x1 - Can kill one other player during the game.

Anti-Town
Mafia x5 - A group of Matoran trying to hunt everyone else down on the orders of a higher power.
Cryo x1 - A Matoran who wields ice powers; kills one other person each night.
Pyro x1 - A Matoran who wields fire powers; kills one other person each night. 

 

THE CHARACTERS

Based upon members of BZPower; this is the main cast. Bolded links indicate that the character is a narrator in Book 2.

 

Survivors of Bionicle Mafia: Book 1 - Isolation

Luroka - Ehks - Portalfig - Sumiki - Lhikevikk - Pulse - Kayn - Locke - TBK - Voltex - Taka Nuvia - Automaton - Xaeraz - Burnmad - RG

 

Newcomers in Bionicle Mafia: Book 2 - Extraction

Shockwave - Tyler - Baltarc - Fishers/Agent 64 - Canis - Kaithas - Squishy - Vinylstep - Valendale - Hero - Meta - Xonar - Phantom Terror - MT - Fighty - White Thirteen

 

So... you may review now! Share your thoughts!

Edited November 25, 2014 by Voltex Oblige

[Xaeraz]

Dangarang. I wasn't expecting to show up in a semi-heroic (it seems) role ever, so that's a nice twist!

 

Might want to go back and proofread though, just as a heads up? I noticed a few words transposed with similarly spelled ones. In and if was one, IIRC. Otherwise, that was a fun beginning to what will be a great epic!

[Voltex]

Dangarang. I wasn't expecting to show up in a semi-heroic (it seems) role ever, so that's a nice twist!

 

Might want to go back and proofread though, just as a heads up? I noticed a few words transposed with similarly spelled ones. In and if was one, IIRC. Otherwise, that was a fun beginning to what will be a great epic!

 

Glad you enjoyed it! I'll definitely take a look through (evidently my proofreader *coughVinylcough* was not as thorough as I had hoped). I need to look back through everything anyway; there was a whole third POV section meant to end the prologue, but it got cutoff. 

 

On the bright side, I now know that my chapters cannot be longer than 5300 words long.

 

On the down side, I now need to go  back through the entire epic and shuffle stuff again to make sure none of the chapters are too long.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Voltex

[Taka Nuvia]

Awesome. This is a promising start. I can't do much but praise right now, and while I do understand that's what the reputation system was introduced for... it's just not the same.

 

I like the way you write fighting scenes, they're not confusing, all actions are clear and interesting to follow.

[Underscore]

Ooh, very nice. It's fun to see the BZP culture written out through characters and games and such. Still mad that I missed the signups, but oh well.

 

Wednesday can't come soon enough...

Edited October 2, 2014 by Underscore

[fishers64]

Looks like I'm shaping up to be an excellent villain. I just can't get over how good this portrayal is. Dang. 

 

I liked the scene with Burnmad too. A lot of things in Book 1 that weren't really clear are starting to make sense.

[Voltex]

Awesome. This is a promising start. I can't do much but praise right now, and while I do understand that's what the reputation system was introduced for... it's just not the same.

 

I like the way you write fighting scenes, they're not confusing, all actions are clear and interesting to follow.

 

I welcome praise in post format. It lets me know who it is that is enjoying my work.

Fighting scenes can be a pain to write. The one in this chapter was fun, but there have been a couple later on in the epic where I wrote them several times over and still wasn't satisfied.

 

That was a great prologue. It's fun to see the BZP culture written out through characters and games and such. Still mad that I missed the signups, but oh well.

 

Wednesday can't come soon enough...

 

If I can fit it in, your character will be getting a cameo appearance near the end of this epic. You'll be appearing as a proper character after.

 

Looks like I'm shaping up to be an excellent villain. I just can't get over how good this portrayal is. Dang. 

 

I liked the scene with Burnmad too. A lot of things in Book 1 that weren't really clear are starting to make sense.

 

Like I said, Agent 64 has been one of my favorite characters to write for. =P 

 

With Book 1 we started with all of these characters having been dumped into the conference with no real explanation; a lot of the backstory sections in this epic will explain how several of the main characters got where they are now. It should explain motivations more clearly, and provide some interesting facts about a few specific characters in particular.

[Ehksidian]

This is very, very nice. Already off to a great start (Ignoring the occasional proofreading error), and I certainly can't wait until Wednesday for more.

[Pupwa21]

All I can say right now is,

Good luck next gen characters.

[Underscore]

 

Ooh, very nice. It's fun to see the BZP culture written out through characters and games and such. Still mad that I missed the signups, but oh well.

 

Wednesday can't come soon enough...

 

If I can fit it in, your character will be getting a cameo appearance near the end of this epic. You'll be appearing as a proper character after.

Really? That would be great!

Edited October 2, 2014 by Underscore

[In Between the Shadows]

Beautiful writing Voltex!

Off to a great start. Screw the bad internet that made reading that a chore... but IT WAS WORTH IT!

[Voltex]

This is very, very nice. Already off to a great start (Ignoring the occasional proofreading error), and I certainly can't wait until Wednesday for more.

 

Yes... I did have someone reading through these for me, but I guess that did not work out as well as I had hoped. =P I'll try to proofread future chapters more thoroughly.

 

All I can say right now is,

Good luck next gen characters.

 

Deaths a plenty coming through

 

Beautiful writing Voltex!

Off to a great start. Screw the bad internet that made reading that a chore... but IT WAS WORTH IT!

 

Glad you enjoyed.

 

ALSO, check out this wicked cool cover for the epic done by TBK, as well as the matching banner:

(Click cover for bigger image)

 

 

The silver and black Matoran with the cloak is Voltex; the red Ta-Matoran is Burnmad; the gold and purple Matoran is TBK; the black Matoran with yellow eyes is Canis; the silver Matoran with the lightsaber is Ehks; the blue Matoran with the sniper rifle is Fishers/Agent 64; the Matoran in the air with the sword on his back is Vinylstep; and the rusted Matoran is Xaeraz.

 

[Chro]

I wish I wasn't dead. This is fun to read, but even more fun when a character representing yourself is involved.

[Voltex]

I wish I wasn't dead. This is fun to read, but even more fun when a character representing yourself is involved.

 

I would stick around. You never know what might happen...

 

---

 

CHAPTER ONE is up!!

 

In this chapter we see White Thirteen's POV for the first time. This scene also introduces us to every member of the White Council except for Two, Four, and Six, who we have seen previously. We also get to see an operation that Xaeraz ran in the past, while finally catching up with the survivors of the Conference.

[Xaeraz]

Exciting, I must say. Explosions! Traitors in the ranks! A bunch of old guys being better than you!

 

This chapter was better in terms of grammar and spelling, from what I saw, so you seem to be good on that front now.

[Makuta Luroka]

One potential error: Where Voltex is speaking with Canis, it says that he interacts with Ehks:

 

...

Voltex waved Ehks away, shooting him a look warning him to back off as Canis pulled him to a stop ten feet away from their rides off of the island. “What do you want, Canis?”

...

[Voltex]

 

One potential error: Where Voltex is speaking with Canis, it says that he interacts with Ehks:

 

...

Voltex waved Ehks away, shooting him a look warning him to back off as Canis pulled him to a stop ten feet away from their rides off of the island. “What do you want, Canis?”

...

 

 

No, that's correct. Voltex is basically ordering Ehks to stay put and allow him to speak with Canis alone.

 

Exciting, I must say. Explosions! Traitors in the ranks! A bunch of old guys being better than you!

 

This chapter was better in terms of grammar and spelling, from what I saw, so you seem to be good on that front now.

 

And much relief was had.

[Portalfig]

Oh man.

 

Yup this is super exciting.

 

I've really enjoyed the last two chapters and man. Real good. Can't wait until next week!

[TBK]

YES

 

It was already awesome enough in itself, but an epic explosion at the end was my cherry on the top. It's inspired me to continue on a certain project...

[Rahkshi Guurahk]

The explosion was epic. That is all. =P

[Voltex]

Oh man.

 

Yup this is super exciting.

 

I've really enjoyed the last two chapters and man. Real good. Can't wait until next week!

 

I was worried that it would seem like a slow start, but I suppose I avoided that particular issue.

 

YES

 

It was already awesome enough in itself, but an epic explosion at the end was my cherry on the top. It's inspired me to continue on a certain project...

 

That sounds absolutely splendid.

 

The explosion was epic. That is all. =P

 

I try my best.

[Taka Nuvia]

Have to agree with Portal, 'exciting' definitely describes this epic well. :3

 

White Thirteen is an interesting character. Getting some backstory of the Council is something I enjoyed, too.

[Voltex]

Have to agree with Portal, 'exciting' definitely describes this epic well. :3

 

White Thirteen is an interesting character. Getting some backstory of the Council is something I enjoyed, too.

I felt like learning more about the White Council was necessary, and the easiest way to do that was to share some stuff from the POV of a White Council member themselves, since the group is so secretive otherwise.

Anyway...

 

---

 

CHAPTER 2 is released! We catch up with Voltex, Ehks and Burnmad after the explosions in the present day, and some new questions appear!

(I did also have a flashback segment at the end, but BZP cut that off... I really wish the word limit/character limit on the site was publicly known)

 

E: IT HAS BEEN UPDATED WITH THE CUT SECTION

Edited October 15, 2014 by Voltex

[fishers64]

Voltex and Ehks are all very IC in here - not to my surprise, but at least things are consistent. Voltex is still a snappy comeback guy, and Ehks is still baffled.
 
I like the "break out of the hospital" scene - guess who's in charge in this epic? I generally like the "stomp over the usual authority" scenes, this one is no different.
 

The three Matoran stood to their feet. Voltex shook hands with Blade before they exited the locker room and went their separate ways – Blade heading back for the path to the stands, and Voltex being escorted towards the entrance into the arena. Right before the doors the red Matoran stuck out his arm, blocking Voltex from proceeding and offering a small cup to him.
 
“What is this?” Voltex asked, accepting it.
 
“Something for your nerves,” the Matoran said. “I know this isn’t the easiest of fights at the best of times... and with all the pressure and your rivalry... we figured you could both use a bit of help.”
 
“He has it too?”
 
“Shadowhawk does have emotions too,” the red Matoran said. “Drink up – you should feel the effects soon.”

Classic.

 

Okay, so I'm starting to figure this out: Project Mayhem and White Council seem to be on the same side, with one covering the other. Except the former appears to oppose the latter. Slightly confusing. It would appear the "Burnmad's covert force of law" is being destroyed by Project Mayhem, either by the White Council to stop the conspiracy in Burnmad's group that doesn't exist, or by Project Mayhem because Burnmad's group is allied with the White Council. Or possibly a little bit of both. 

[Underscore]

I might be a bit late, but I just now had a chance to get through the first section of chapter two. It was great, but...
 

“Well, I guess we’ll leave you to that, then,” Voltex said, standing straight and stretching. “Sorry about the, uh, bodies... but I think we should get back to Metru-Nui as soon as possible.”

“Bodies?” Canis asked, as Voltex began to stride briskly away.

“Yes,” Voltex said, tossing the words over his shoulder. “There are about two hundred of them, if I recall... some of them more gruesome than others.”

What's this about bodies? Did I miss something?

[fishers64]

That probably refers to the 200 people killed in the conference in Book 1. Although I thought that was on Metru Nui, not BZKoro. 

 

It could refer to the explosion at the beginning of this book, but I doubt it.

[Chro]

It refers to the conference.

[Voltex]

Voltex and Ehks are all very IC in here - not to my surprise, but at least things are consistent. Voltex is still a snappy comeback guy, and Ehks is still baffled.

 

I like the "break out of the hospital" scene - guess who's in charge in this epic? I generally like the "stomp over the usual authority" scenes, this one is no different.

 

The three Matoran stood to their feet. Voltex shook hands with Blade before they exited the locker room and went their separate ways – Blade heading back for the path to the stands, and Voltex being escorted towards the entrance into the arena. Right before the doors the red Matoran stuck out his arm, blocking Voltex from proceeding and offering a small cup to him.

 

“What is this?” Voltex asked, accepting it.

 

“Something for your nerves,” the Matoran said. “I know this isn’t the easiest of fights at the best of times... and with all the pressure and your rivalry... we figured you could both use a bit of help.”

 

“He has it too?”

 

“Shadowhawk does have emotions too,” the red Matoran said. “Drink up – you should feel the effects soon.”

Classic.

 

Okay, so I'm starting to figure this out: Project Mayhem and White Council seem to be on the same side, with one covering the other. Except the former appears to oppose the latter. Slightly confusing. It would appear the "Burnmad's covert force of law" is being destroyed by Project Mayhem, either by the White Council to stop the conspiracy in Burnmad's group that doesn't exist, or by Project Mayhem because Burnmad's group is allied with the White Council. Or possibly a little bit of both. 

 

I was worried that characters would seem OOC compared to Book 1; since it appears that I have succeeded thus far, I hope it continues that way!

As for Project Mayhem and the White Council... I encourage speculation.

 

I might be a bit late, but I just now had a chance to get through the first section of chapter two. It was great, but...

 

“Well, I guess we’ll leave you to that, then,” Voltex said, standing straight and stretching. “Sorry about the, uh, bodies... but I think we should get back to Metru-Nui as soon as possible.”

 

“Bodies?” Canis asked, as Voltex began to stride briskly away.

 

“Yes,” Voltex said, tossing the words over his shoulder. “There are about two hundred of them, if I recall... some of them more gruesome than others.”

What's this about bodies? Did I miss something?

 

The bodies from Book 1 - Isolation. Some are the characters that were killed "onscreen" (JiMing, Shadowhawk, etc.), while the other 200+ died before the main events of the book began. 

 

That probably refers to the 200 people killed in the conference in Book 1. Although I thought that was on Metru Nui, not BZKoro. 

 

It could refer to the explosion at the beginning of this book, but I doubt it.

 

See below:

 

It refers to the conference.

 

Chro is correct - remember that the Conference took place on BZ-Koro (Burnmad was trying to get the survivors back to Metru-Nui). 

[Chro]

Ooh, encouraging speculation?

I actually do know that this is wrong, but why not help spread theories, right?

 

Project Mayhem formed as a group of rebels against the White Council, with the initial purpose of destroying them, directly in opposition to Voltex's group. Turns out they were on the WC's payroll the whole time, though most of them didn't know it, and their true purposes were 1. to dispose of Voltex's group, after they'd outworn their usefulness, and 2. eventually strengthen the reputation of the WC by "failing" their rebellious task.

[Voltex]

Ooh, encouraging speculation?

I actually do know that this is wrong, but why not help spread theories, right?

 

Project Mayhem formed as a group of rebels against the White Council, with the initial purpose of destroying them, directly in opposition to Voltex's group. Turns out they were on the WC's payroll the whole time, though most of them didn't know it, and their true purposes were 1. to dispose of Voltex's group, after they'd outworn their usefulness, and 2. eventually strengthen the reputation of the WC by "failing" their rebellious task.

 

You'll find out eventually!

---

CHAPTER 3

 

This might be one of my favorite chapters yet - you see, one of our beloved survivors is killed, and it is quite possibly the most brutal death yet.

[Chro]

Ah, thank you for so quickly confirming that my previous post was, as I had hoped, incorrect.

[Makuta Luroka]

My suspicion is that the hooded black and silver figure is Luroka under WC payroll.

[Voltex]

Ah, thank you for so quickly confirming that my previous post was, as I had hoped, incorrect.

 

Well, you know, I try.

 

My suspicion is that the hooded black and silver figure is Luroka under WC payroll.

 

The hooded figure's identity shall become obvious within the next few chapters, I think. It isn't a major plot point.

[Voltex]

CHAPTER 4!

 

Ehks works on some secret projects, Burnmad attempts a rescue mission, Voltex tracks down the elusive Kayn, and Xaeraz meets with Luroka.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Voltex Oblige

[Taka Nuvia]

Xaeraz is easily becoming my favourite character now, even though his parts are scary. Well-written, it all just keeps getting more and more exciting.

[Makuta Luroka]

Yeah Xaeraz is pretty cool in the story, despite my immense dislike for him having killed Luroka.

[Voltex]

Xaeraz is easily becoming my favourite character now, even though his parts are scary. Well-written, it all just keeps getting more and more exciting.

 

Xaeraz has been fun to write so far. That said, Sumiki remains my favorite character of all.

 

Yeah Xaeraz is pretty cool in the story, despite my immense dislike for him having killed Luroka.

 

Well, you know. Had to be done.

 

ALSO, UPDATE

[Voltex]

CHAPTER 5 - Voltex and Canis duel with the Cryo and the Pyro.

[Makuta Luroka]

Riveting

[Taka Nuvia]

Having both the Pyro and the Cryo in the same scene is cool.
 

“We’re the White Council,” White Nine said. “We’re attempting to seize control of the universe. That’s not exactly what nice people do."

That's nice. Made my day. :3