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Indeed, that puts Asylum and Bionifight as approved!


Since this begins the First Great RPG Shuffle, I've reached out to the GMs of the older contest RPGs that are still running to discuss winding things down.  Bionifight/Asylum owners: please wait just a little bit while the details there are hashed out - most likely you'll be able to start up in the next day or so, but I want to be sure the GMs of older games are aware of the situation.

Edited by GSR

Hey: I'm not very active around BZP right now.  However, you can always contact me through PM (I have email notifications set up) and I will reply as soon as I can.

Useful Topics: The Q&A Compendium | The Official RPG Planning Topic
Stories: Fractures | An Aftermath | Three Stories | LSO 2012 Epics: Team Three | The Shadow and the Sea | The Days They Were Needed | Glitches | Transformations | Echoes | The Kaita and the Storyteller | Nui

BZPRPG: Komae · Soraya · Bohrei

Blog: Defendant Lobby no. 42

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Indeed, that puts Asylum and Bionifight as approved!


Since this begins the First Great RPG Shuffle, I've reached out to the GMs of the older contest RPGs that are still running to discuss winding things down.  Bionifight/Asylum owners: please wait just a little bit while the details there are hashed out - most likely you'll be able to start up in the next day or so, but I want to be sure the GMs of older games are aware of the situation.


Sounds good. Thank you to the judges for approving Bionifight and to you, GSR, for the notification. :)

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As Zakaro has closed down Journey and Voltex is planning to launch Bionifight next week, Asylum should feel free to get started whenever.

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Hey: I'm not very active around BZP right now.  However, you can always contact me through PM (I have email notifications set up) and I will reply as soon as I can.

Useful Topics: The Q&A Compendium | The Official RPG Planning Topic
Stories: Fractures | An Aftermath | Three Stories | LSO 2012 Epics: Team Three | The Shadow and the Sea | The Days They Were Needed | Glitches | Transformations | Echoes | The Kaita and the Storyteller | Nui

BZPRPG: Komae · Soraya · Bohrei

Blog: Defendant Lobby no. 42

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  • 1 month later...

Hey Austin's Kanohi Pakari (can I cal you AKP?). :)


Please read the rules on the first page of this topic. Included is this rule:




Important things to know before submitting:
  • Your RPG must be posted in the RPG feedback topic before submission.
    • If you receive feedback, we would like to see you address it, either by publicly responding to the person who gave the feedback or by adjusting your RPG.
    • Please allow at least seventy-two hours between posting your RPG there and submitting it to the judges.
    • Please don't post incomplete RPG ideas here; the feedback topic's great for fleshing out ideas!


Any RPG you want to create must be posted in the Planning Topic before being posted here. That gives you an opportunity to gather feedback from other players, and polish up your game before submitting it, making it the best it can be.

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It is ok, you're still new and if we never made mistakes how would we learn what not to do?

"A stranger will always be a stranger unless you give them a chance."

:m_p: :r: :m_o: :w: :l:    :n: :i: :g: :h: :t: :w: :m_o: :l: :f:

 |premierball.png| <- My Pokémon | BZPRPG Characters: Po-Matoran Doseki & Nui-Jaga Scorpio; Ga-Matoran Orca 
Matoran und Panzer: Doseki & Glitch | Marvel RP PC | Mata Nui Monopoly: Come... Own a piece of the legend!


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Okay, folks, this isn't really the place. ;) Eyrur, thank you for letting him know.


Guys, if you aren't submitting a game for approval or a judge commenting on one, this isn't really a place to post.

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On this eve, the thirtieth anniversary of that first colony, many are left to wonder; is the world fast approaching a breaking point?



  Breaking Point: An OTC Mecha RPG


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  • 2 weeks later...

Although it wasn't counting against RPG limits anyway, City in the Dark has been formally closed.  I contacted Lorax some months ago to ask him to wrap things up, but received no response.

Edited by GSR
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Hey: I'm not very active around BZP right now.  However, you can always contact me through PM (I have email notifications set up) and I will reply as soon as I can.

Useful Topics: The Q&A Compendium | The Official RPG Planning Topic
Stories: Fractures | An Aftermath | Three Stories | LSO 2012 Epics: Team Three | The Shadow and the Sea | The Days They Were Needed | Glitches | Transformations | Echoes | The Kaita and the Storyteller | Nui

BZPRPG: Komae · Soraya · Bohrei

Blog: Defendant Lobby no. 42

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Hello gents, I hope you enjoy. :D


Part One of the Spherus Magna Epic...




Note-Yes, this is after the Reform, and is heavily inspired by 2007's Mahri story. Not serving as a sequel, I hope to expand this after the underwater hoo-ga-ba-loo mentioned below, but that would spoil the rest of the story, which is full of twists and turns(One involving a Great Being). But regardless, I hope you enjoy the first chapter of the BZRPG epic, SUBMERGENCE!




If you have a custom race or something of the sort, let me know   :)





If you have a BZRPG profile, use it. These are just the cast of characters as of now. 

Yes, you can be Toa. What I meant is the Toa protectors are away, trying to fight Baterra. Choose Toa if you want. 

Any race is allowed. Rahkshi, Agori, Glatorian, Toa, Matoran, Vortixx, Krekka's Species, Whatever.

I know it seems weird that the Pit Mutagen is on Spherus Magna, but it would ruin the story if I told you. As would how the city came to be. If you are not one for the patience of a story, message me and I'll tell you the story, top to bottom.



Yes, the city was post Reform.

Yes, it was flooded

It was NOT flooded by Aqua Magna, but it would ruin the story(I.E, whole point of going to the city is to investigate)




Spherus Magna, the Great Sea, 



1,000 years after the Reforming.


The Villages have come together to make a meeting hub for all of the tribes and races, Geva Nui. However, tensions are high. The tribes still have some prejudice to each other since the Core War. To make matters worse, a nomadic group of Skrall have been welcomed into the City. But this is the least of the Turaga's worries. A Lost City has been sighted from the Great Sea, spelling evil for the closest village, named after the noble Toa of Water, Gali. The fishing Village of Gali was the first to experience the wrath of the mutated horrors from the underwater city. The Village was almost instantly overwhelmed by the Mutant Skakdi, Skrall, and Matoran.  


A lone Matoran survived the deadly onslaught. Her name is Gatak, and she fled to Geva Nui after being driven under the village into hiding. This is troubling the Turaga in Geva Nui. These attacks are spreading farther North towards Geva Nui, making them think they are the target. From outposts to villages, they all suffer the same fate. The inhabitants are taken away, never to be heard from again. An Agori has rushed back to his home in Geva Nui, explaining that he saw his best friend, who was taken from an outpost far South. 


"She's different, I tell you! She is fishlike, gills and all! Her arms are gone, and claws are in their place!"


The Toa that protect Geva Nui are away, trying to stop a troop of Baterra from getting closer to the Army barracks near former Vuclanus.

The Turaga have enough to deal with, and now, the population are getting even more frustrated, saying it is the Skrall's fault that the mutants are attacking. The Turaga have a mission. They are looking for volunteers(Characters listed below) to investigate.


The Group will separate and go to Gali, each small group investigating the damage done. Once at Gali, they entire party will swim into the Sea, underwater to investigate and maybe destroy the cause of this assault.  The water may give a slight Mutagen dose allowing water breathing.


We have no idea how the Mutagen got there. This is your job, to investigate, and find the source of the Mutagen.



Good Luck, heroes.






Turaga Vakama, Matau, Nuju, Nokama, Whenua, Onewa

Giver of quest


Mutated Tohunga-Matoran that were captured and taken into the sea, coming out damaged, mutated, and hostile.


Mutated Skakdi

 Unfortunate times have befallen these Skakdi. After trying to start an encampment, it seems they saw a glimmer of light in the water. Thinking it was enough gold to make some money, they pursued it into the water, ultimately ending in their doom.



Gatak-Tohunga that discovered the creatures


Weapons-Throw Disk

Zatak evacuated the Matoran Universe along with everyone else, and joined the Ga-Matoran at Gali, and began her life as a Rahi tender. When the assault came, she survived by hiding under a hut on the coast. She is fearful of returning to her village, but wants the strange threat wiped from Spherus Magna.




Skrall volunteer

Weapons-Skrall Shield, Thornax launcher.

Bio-One of the Former Skrall Soldiers welcomed into the city, Yaj has regret for what he did during the events of Mata Nui's landing. He signed on because he wanted to show the Agori, Glatorian, and Matoran that he cares, and regrets his actions. He is willing to die for his cause, and has made it clear he will go down fighting






Weapons-Fire Spear, Shield

Signed on for the glory and money

A former Glatorian of Vuclanus, Tagahl has lived out his career, and is looking for that fix of adrenaline he has been missing. After the Reforming, he lost purpose in life, waiting for a time when he is need. He has a high view of himself, and feels the entire residence of Vulcanus owes him for the entertainment he gave. He feels that going on this little adventure will make everyone appreciate him more, and maybe get his career back on the road. 
Edited by Vokaru Mistika

I'm currently in the process of rewriting G2. PM me if interested.

Feel free to follow the blog! (https://spiritofokoto.tumblr.com/)



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First off I'd recommend getting a proper set of rules. I believe rules need to at least have a mention of how RPing around here actually works, with the use of OOC and IC. Anything else is more or less up to you but I'd recommend using them to explain how the world you've created is supposed to work. Your current rules, rule really, tells me nothing. I'm supposed to just make my own profile form and fill it in? You don't have any kind of standardised form for people? Thats going to cause problems. And what does choose selected character mean? Does that mean you're only letting people be one of the characters you list at the very end? Because that means you're limiting yourself to three players, and no way am I letting an RPG with that small a player base be approved.


Some more detail on the lost city would be appreciated. Was it lost before the Reform or afterwards? I'm assuming that since its got MU species as inhabitants then its post-Reform...but then why does it have Skrall? And if its supposed to be a big melting pot city that it has species as disliked as Skrall and Skakdi then where are all the others? Surely there should be mutated Glatorian or Toa?

Also, how exactly did it end up underwater? Was it built as some sort of floating city a la Ga-Koro, but then sank? Was it originally not underwater but the rejoining of Aqua Magna flooded it? This is probably stuff our characters would know given we've been on the planet for hundreds of thousands of years. 


The water may give a slight Protodermis dose allowing water breathing


Minor point, but protodermis doesn't have mutagenic properties that would turn you amphibious. If you're thinking of the 2007 Mahri Nui storyline then the adaptions there were done by a chemical in the water known simply as Pit Mutagen. You're either going to have to come up with some other reason we could breathe underwater (some sort of scuba gear might be easiest) or give a brief explanation as to how Pit Mutagen ended up here. 


A question on characters; what species are we actually allowed to be? I'm assuming the examples you listed, Glatorian, Skrall, Matoran, are all fine, and that Agori aren't out of the question, but what about Toa? You say they're away fighting the Baterra, but do you mean all of them? Really? I reckon a thousand years from the Reform there's going to be hundreds of Toa running round, you really think every last one of them went to Vulcanus? 

And what about other MU species? A Skakdi investigating the mutations affecting his kind? A Vortixx looking for exotic new tech she could steal from this city? A Rahkshi who just wants to go blow stuff up? This is why having a proper set of rules would be handy, so you can get info like this set down properly. 



Sorry but this still needs work greater than a bit of polish, so I can't give it my approval.

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Thing is though, If I say how Pit Mutagen got there, it would ruin the rest of the story...And how the City started. This is the point of the objective. Investigate. The Turaga have no idea how it got there. That is part of the story. Listing it up there would completely RUIN the story for everyone.

And I am not setting 3 players, it is the Cast of current characters, as in NPCs. I listed that in the rules.

Edited by Austin's Kanohi Pakari

I'm currently in the process of rewriting G2. PM me if interested.

Feel free to follow the blog! (https://spiritofokoto.tumblr.com/)



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  • 1 month later...


GMed by Miras the Omniscient, Sharkydane and Chumpu.

1.0: History/Current Events
The universe is dying.
When Makuta Teridax struck down Mata Nui 60,000 years ago, the fractures created by the crash flooded many domes, rendering only the two domes containing Metru Nui, Xia, Zakaz and Stelt inhabitable. Venturing into the flooded domes- which contain many strange creatures from Aqua Magna- means certain death. Access to these domes is blocked by closed Sea Gates.
Metru Nui has long since fallen into ruin, the sleeping Matoran inhabitants locked away beneath the earth whilst Rahi rampage across the surface. It is a land of strange monsters and perpetual night, but the archipelago triumvirate is still holding onto life in the remnants of a dying universe.
When the Great Spirit Robot crash-landed on Aqua Magna, an underwater volcanic eruption, combined with the shockwaves of power from Makuta Teridax's transformation tore a hole in the robot's hull, one which now leaves the bottom of the Silver Sea between the three islands open to the outside world.
A century ago, the seabed shifted a little, and the robot’s shoulder dropped off a ridge, crushing a coral reef.
With this breach opened to the outside world now, natives of Aqua Magna have begun entering the Matoran Universe- Kaiju.
Monstrous creatures, the smallest 50 bio (225 feet/68.5 metres) tall, the beasts come swimming through the gap, laying waste to many of the islands' triumphs.
The first few beasts were exterminated by Xia's weapons, used on beasts contained by the few Toa left, but now the Kaiju, having wiped out the Toa due to them being the first line of defence, are becoming bigger, faster and stronger, meaning that the only weapons able to stop them...
Are the Jaegers.
Initially designed by the Vortixx, Jaegers were soon rolled out to the other islands with special adaptations to each species' capabilities and powers.
Expeditionary teams are also being sent out to try and find a way out of the Matoran Universe other than the breach. Now, it's your choice: Are you a Kaiju, fighting to prove yourself and gain territory, are you a Jaeger pilot, fighting to buy time for others to save your world, or are you an explorer, searching for the exit from your world?
2.0: Battles
If players aren’t otherwise occupied, every few weeks a staff-led Kaiju or Jaeger attack will be launched, with a goal unique to that attack most of the time; sometimes, if we run out of ideas, the purpose of the attack will be to just kill as many enemies as possible.
These attacks will be announced OOC to everyone and IC to the attacking force on the Saturday before the attack so that the relevant army has time to prepare IC and OOC. Feel free to launch attacks on your own between them.
3.0: Expeditions
One of the primary goals at the moment is to find a way out of the MU. Most expeditions are currently heading to Metru Nui to find a way out due to it having the light holes in the dome which the island’s rulers hypothesise to be easier to break through than the regular MU skin. PCs will be leading expeditions- you don’t need GM approval to go- but Dane, Ultimo and I will be posting to guide these quests along.

4.0: Locations
The City:
Xia's islandwide city has somewhat dwindled now, keeping close to the skirts of the Mountain and away from the shores for fear of Kaiju. What is left of the city is bright and hopeful, shining steel buildings towering far up into the sky. The streets are soundly paved, and, all in all, Xia is a good place to live.
Xia Shatterdome:

Xia's Shatterdome is, like the city, a tall, elegant affair. Instead of the unpainted iron walls favoured by Stelt, the interior features bare but functional corridors and rooms with clean walls, ceilings and floors; to put it simply, the Xia Shatterdome is a wholesome place. The Jaeger bays are much like the other Shatterdomes, large, cavernous rooms with asphalt floors and Jaegers surrounded by networks of gantries. For reference, think of something like this.
The City:
Where Xia is no longer dirty and polluted, Stelt has become even more so. Many of the arenas which used to characterise the island are gone now, replaced with Jaeger factories. Despite these new jobs, many of the population still turn to crime for a living, preying on unsuspecting beings, murdering and stealing from them. The sky is always gloomy, filled with smoke, but the cordon of Jaegers around the coastline facing into the wider ocean break through the dusk every now and then, their watchful gazes never relenting. As Stelt is attacked the most often by Kaiju, the entire island has been placed under martial law, intended to keep the population working despite the attacks. Half of all attacks are aimed at Stelt.
Stelt Shatterdome:
Stelt's Shatterdome is a drab, hardened building, built many bio down into the ground, intended to shield the Jaegers in their bays from Kaiju attacks. The walls are bare metal, rusted around the edges, and the floors have a tendency to be somewhat less than pleasant underfoot. The Jaegers bays are identical to Xia's, except with fewer gantries and more utilitarian Jaegers.
Artahka HQ:
Buried far beneath the surface of Stelt, the comfortable living quarters and large rooms contrasting vastly to the rest of the island, is the HQ for the group known as Artakha, devoted to capturing Kaiju and using them as weapons against other Kaiju via mind control. There are many holding bays for Kaiju (read: as many as the plot needs) which as-of-yet have not been reconditioned, containing many nasty traps designed to keep them contained until indoctrination has occurred. Long story short, no Kaiju are getting out of there any time soon.
The City:
The city on Zakaz, centred around the lake in the middle, is a low, concrete settlement, built quickly in the days after the civil war ended. The streets are unpaved, dusty roads, and what sewers there are are in a constant state of disrepair, blocked and rat-infested. The lake has a number of floating houses built out onto it, designed for easier access to the deposits of metal at its bottom that are used for Jaeger manufacture.
Zakaz Shatterdome:
Built on the southern shores, Zakaz' Shatterdome mimics the city, being built out of concrete and with little hygiene inside the structure. It has a notably smaller number of Jaegers than the other two islands, tantamount to the anger issues that plague the Skakdi, meaning that none are able to pilot a Jaeger without another to help.

Metru Nui
In the aftermath of the Great Cataclysm, Metru Nui has become a deadened, silent place. The Matoran are locked in their pods beneath the Coliseum, and the lights in the dome have gone out. A small fracture in the skin of the Great Spirit Robot around its head has caused Aqua Magna seawater to begin trickling into the dome. Many of the low-lying areas in the dome have been flooded completely, and Archives creatures stalk the empty streets and prowl the dark waters.
The Kaiju Hive
Created entirely out of a coral reef with holes burrowed through it by Kaiju, the Kaiju Hive is an impressive sight to behold, towering above other natural landforms in the Aqua Magnan ocean. The Kaiju inside are divided into ranks, with the weakest, lowest ranking Kaiju living at the uppermost borders of the extensive tunnel structure inside the reef, and the largest, most powerful Kaiju living deep within the structure. The waters around it are a too-bright blue, contaminated by Kaiju blood, making sure that any creatures powerful enough to face the Kaiju stay well away from the hive. There are many entrances to the hive, although they are more common near the top. At the very bottom of the formation there is just one, gaping entrance designed to facilitate the entrances and exits of the Kaiju Alpha, Sharky. The Kaiju Hive is about 40 kio (34 miles/54.8km) away from the crash site of the MU.
5.0: Jaegers
Jaegers almost make up the Matoran Universe inhabitants' entire army, the massive mechanical robots armed and armoured to fight Kaiju. There are three different marks (MKs) of Jaegers- MK I, MK II AND MK III. Permission to create MK IV Jaegers will be given out on a case-by-case basis as a reward for good playing. MK Vs, being highly advanced and therefore difficult and expensive to produce, can only be owned by GM characters, who have obtained them via sheer rank, or via ShEnAnAgInS. Each MK of Jaeger has a different set of weapons and powers, and Jaegers will be able to level up within their MK, granting them more powerful versions of their initial abilities. The Vortixx have also been able to create giant Kanohi for the Jaegers, granting them some specialised powers. Skakdi are able to channel their elemental powers through their Jaegers, although the machinery required takes the space of the Jaeger’s Kanohi. The offensively oriented Kanohi can only be activated in short bursts due to power supply issues. Passive Kanohi can stay active for longer. The list of allowable Kanohi is as follows:
Active Kanohi:
Hau- temporarily (One minute) makes the Jaeger impervious to physical attacks.
Miru- allows the Jaeger one strong leap per charge.
Pakari- increases the Jaeger’s arm strength enough for one super punch per charge.
Kakama- gives the Jaeger a short burst of speed.
Pehkui- halves the Jaeger’s size for a minute, although due to its mechanical nature it does not preserve the strength.
Crast- allows the deflection of attacks for thirty seconds per charge.
Mask of Growth- makes the Jaeger 1.5x larger for a minute, although its offensive strength remains the same.
Passive Kanohi:
Arthron- gives the Jaeger basic sonar systems.
Ruru- improves the Jaeger’s visual systems.
Calix- increases the Jaeger’s agility.
Mask of Elemental Energy- increases the Jaeger's efficiency, allowing it to store extra power to then be used for stronger attacks.
Kiril- allows the Jaeger's outer hull to repair itself slowly. When I'm talking slowly, I mean slow as in a 5-metre gash taking about 1 hour to heal. It isn't Wolverine-level.
Custom Kanohi are allowed.
MK Is:
One pilot required.
Standard weaponry and abilities: Stealth-based abilities, rocket fists.
MK Is are smaller, quick, scouts with melee-based loadouts.

  • Level 1 MK Is begin with a stealth system that turns the Jaeger mostly invisible, working like a Volitak; it leaves a faint outline of the mech which can be seen in daylight.
  • Level 2 MK Is gain a system that mutes any external sounds they make in addition to their first ability.
  • Level 3 MK Is have the ability to become fully invisible, Huna-style. Although they are generally unspottable, those who are sharp of eye may notice the slight distortions they make.

One pilot required.
Standard weaponry and abilities: Ranged weapons, physically-based weapon-enhancing abilities.

  • Level 1: MK IIs begin with an ability that allows them to increase the rate of fire of any automatic weapons they have, like Cordak Blasters or plasmacasters. The shots fired this way aren’t as powerful as normal.
  • Level 2: At level 2, MK IIs gain another ability that increases the power of their shots, allowing for a single more damaging shot before the ability must be activated again.
  • Level 3: Upon upgrading to level 3, MK IIs are fitted with a trio of small scout drones. These A.I electronic scouts can be used to survey the area for a MK II and to help line up shots that are exceedingly far away. The drones can communicate with the Jaeger from up to 500 bio (2250 feet/685 metres) away.

MK IIs are ranged versions of MK Is which use weaponry such as plasmacasters, Cordak Blasters and the occasional Zamor Launcher. These are used as tactical support for MK Is a lot of the time.
Two pilots required: each shares with movement and combat duties.
Standard weaponry and abilities: Heavy plasmacasters for close combat, melee-based abilities.

  • Level 1: MK IIIs are fitted with more durable armour from their time of construction, although the weight of this extra armour slows down the Jaeger.
  • Level 2: At level 2, MK IIIs gain a single piece of armouring that is nearly indestructible; this could be a shield, a section of the chestplate, or a shoulder pauldron. Due to the necessity of having instruments inside the conn-pod, the extra armour cannot be placed on it.
  • Level 3: At level 3, MK IIIs gain the ability to go into an overdrive mode for a few minutes; when activated, this increases the response speed and general fluidity of the Jaeger, at the expense of not being able to use its weapons, only its fists.

MK IIIs usually have a range of weaponry both melee and ranged, but they are slow, large and need two pilots so that the beings' minds aren't overwhelmed by the strain of piloting it. MK IIIs are deployed as commanders for attack forces, aiming to take down large, powerful Category 3 Kaiju using their large arsenals.

Number of pilots required varies widely between units.
Standard weaponry: Again, varies between units.
MK IVs are rare, being expensive to construct but very valuable on the battlefield. Characteristics vary wildly between MK IV units, as they were designed to have modular sections in order to respond effectively to a number of different situations without needing to build Jaegers with completely new chassis. Some MK IVs’ characteristics include one example having a third arm, another being quadrupedal, and another having something akin to a large plasmacaster instead of a head.
By no means are you limited to these rough weapon specs, but if you have too many weapons on your Jaeger or ones that don't fit the MK, the profile won't be approved.
6.0: Drift technology
Drift technology is tech developed by the Vortixx that is able to link two or more beings’ minds together, creating a Kaita mind out of the personalities and memories. Drift technology was initially developed in order to make the use of MK III Jaegers feasible, but was eventually rolled out to the Skakdi as well, using it to encourage trust and empathy in them, which helped to end the wars on Zakaz. When characters are drifting, each player involved in the drift can only control one character that is drifting, for the sake of fairness. When the beings’ minds merge to form a Kaita mind, the players whose characters are involved need to decide among themselves what to do, and they share the responsibility of posting as the Kaita mind- for example, if my character was drifting with Dane’s, the two would form a Kaita mind with their combined personalities and memories, but we would have to decide between us what to do, and both of us could post as the Kaita mind if we decided who would be posting and what our linked characters would be doing.
Skakdi controlling Jaegers must drift when piloting, no matter what MK of Jaeger they are using, and characters of differing species cannot drift together, as the mental differences are too great. 
7.0: Kaiju
Kaiju are giant, fully organic amphibious monsters from Aqua Magna. Kaiju blood, also known as Kaiju Blue, corrodes and rusts away many known materials, making it a potent weapon against the islands. It was this that prompted the development of plasma-based weapons, as they cauterise wounds instantly. Kaiju have near-unique adaptations which become more advanced as the categories increase. These adaptations include, but are not limited to:
Chameleon skin- does what it says on the packet. Beware, though, this doesn't give you full invisibility.
Electric skin- gives an electric shock able to knock out a being when the skin is touched. This can mess up a Jaeger’s electrical systems temporarily.
Elemental Breath- the Kaiju is able to breath out a stream of one of six elements, Fire, Ice, Acid (Excess Kaiju Blue), Air, Water and Lightning. The lightning produced by Kaiju is not conducted by water.
Sonic booms- These Kaiju can produce a sonic boom through their mouths- think of it like a big shockwave.
EMP Bursts- possessed exclusively by Category 3 Kaiju and above, these bursts are able to disable or stun a Jaeger for a few minutes. They are powerful enough to destroy MK II scout drones.
Elasticity- temporarily allows the Kaiju’s body to stretch like a rubber band.
Mental blasts- these blasts are pure psychic energy. They can be used to stun and, in extremely severe cases, kill Jaeger pilots.
Custom adaptations are allowed.
All Kaiju PCs start off at Category 1, with a non-offensive skin-based ability; this can be one of the two shown, or it can be custom.
When one of the GMs decide that the Kaiju is good enough to move up a category, their player will be notified via PM. When a Kaiju moves up a category, they gain size and another adaptation; the ones available to Category 2s are Elemental Breath abilities and sonic booms. Those available to Category 3s are EMP bursts, Elasticity and Mental Blasts. When a Kaiju upgrades to Category 4, they go through a violent metamorphosis where they gain a unique ability and occasionally some even obtain crazy new physiology like extra limbs or another head.
Like with the Jaegers, I want to see lots of unique adaptations so that we can make this game as interesting as possible.
8.0: Staff Characters
Name: Arkie
Species: Ko-Matoran
Gender: Female
Arkie is tall and wiry, with a cybernetic left arm. Her white and silver armour is scorched, scratched and dented from a lifetime of fighting Kaiju. Grim and determined, this Matoran has been in command of just about every Jaeger in the inhabited universe since she lost her arm.
Jaeger: Jatikko
Jaeger nickname: Jatikko
MK: V- MK V Jaegers are very rare, meaning no players will be allowed to have them. The reason for this is that MK Vs are very advanced, and therefore take a lot of time and resources to build. Since the smaller universe has been using the current resources for about 60,000 years, the aim is to conserve them in order to build other Jaegers.
Kanohi: Faxon (Works like normal)
Weaponry: Twin plasma cannons on the shoulders, capable of taking down a Category 5 Kaiju; Rocket fists; swords stored in the arms, able to cut through a Kaiju’s hide with ease; “The Godkiller”- a giant hammer.
Appearance: Jatikko is loosely built, its general structure being reminiscent of Arkie with long, powerful limbs. The Jaeger is painted white and blue.
Name: “Sharky”
Species: Kaiju
Gender: (Alpha) Male
Category: 5
The Alpha of the Kaiju, Sharky has a combination of Ice and Lightning breath, which he seems to vary depending on the situation. His teeth also leak Kaiju blue when they bite. His hide can electrify at will, and he has amazing swimming capabilities. He is very strong. Sharky is VERY dominant, he doesn't like his authority challenged. He's literally a way overgrown Knifehead. He is massive, and has claws extending from each of his arms on each side. He is a dark blue, with green energy patterns. His tail is covered with spikes. He has a large shark like fin on his back, which lights up when he uses his elemental breath, and he has long claws on each of his arms.
Name: The Carpathian
Gender: Male
Species: Vo-Matoran
Powers/Gear: Indoctrination. Allows him to subtly influence a person over a long period of time to his own way of thinking. The longer and closer the contact, the more complete this indoctrination becomes.
Personality: Charming, and suave, The Carpathian has a way with people that is hard to explain. Driven to his cause, and rather close-minded, he is generally unwilling to see other methods before his own.
Bio: Not much is known about the Carpathian before his rise to power over a group known as Artahka. Only his closest advisers even know where he acquired his strange indoctrination power. After the fall of the Toa, he and his group became devoted not to killing Kaiju, but capturing and controlling them to fight other Kaiju. (If you wish to have an indoctrinated Kaiju, PM one of the GMs) The Carpathian and Artahka are secretly in control of Stelt's leadership.
Jaeger: Illusive Trap
Jaeger Nickname: Illusive Trap
Weaponry: Chest mounted Stasis field generator, able to contain even a Cat 5 Kaiju. Retractable electric batons, designed to incapacitate. Electrically charged fists.
Appearance: Large and simply built, Trap has no paint, being a simple burnished nickel colour, with blue glowing lights.
Kanohi: Avsa (Allows Trap to drain energy from Kaiju, charging itself while tiring the Kaiju)
9.0: NPCs
Name: Inikhi
Species: Skakdi
Inikhi is the current ruler of Zakaz, elected from the warlords of the island. Although, like all Skakdi, he is quite violent, Inikhi prefers to survey situations from a distance, keeping out of most matters.
Name: Vofosu
Species: Vortixx
Gender: Female
Powers/Gear: A plasma sword strapped to her thigh.
Personality: Determined and hardened, Vofosu isn’t like the stereotypical Vortixx, she is determined to win the war, for the better of all the Matoran Universe
Bio: Quickly rose to power after being one of the top fighters. She became the overall commander of the Vortixx forces, ruling over Xia.
Appearance: She’s a Vortixx. Whaddaya think?
Name: Nokoro
Species: Vortixx
One of the pioneers in drift technology and the whole Jaeger concept, Nokoro is the head of the Xia Shatterdome. She is slightly more airheaded than most, being an excellent scientist but not that good in most other matters.
Name: Pavohi
Species: Matoran
Pavohi is the leader of the Stelt Shatterdome. After a life of work in Stelt's hard conditions, he has become sarcastic and grumpy, the type of person who'll help you if you ask, but you don't particularly want to ask them because they aren't a very nice person.
Name: Jiraka
Species: Skakdi
Jiraka is angry and violent, the typical Skakdi. Despite this, he is particularly clever, making him Inikhi's ideal choice for leading the Shatterdome on Zakaz.

10.0: Profile Creation
Character profile:
Species: Steltian Elite, Vortixx, Matoran, Kaiju, or Skakdi. Custom species are allowed, although it is up to the GMs to decide whether or not to approve them.
Gender: This is pretty self-explanatory; male female, both, neither, whatever.
(if Kaiju)Category: You can only have up to Cat 3. Cat 4s are only allowed with express permission from a GM.
(if Kaiju)Adaptations: Look above for all the guidelines on that.
Powers/Gear: Your character’s possessions and powers. Please take note that rifles and such will be unapproved. Pistols are more approvable.
Personality: (Self explanatory)
Bio: Your character’s life story.
Appearance: (Self explanatory)
Jaeger profile:
Jaeger nickname:
MK: Look above for guidelines on that. MKs I-III are allowable without permission, although you will need permission for MK IVs.
Kanohi: See above in 5.0.
Weaponry: Try not to get too OP with those. Pick your weapons accordingly with your class.
Pilot(s): All the people who pilot this Jaeger.
Appearance: What does your Jaeger look like? As a quick guideline, all MK I-III Jaegers are humanoid.
1. All BZP rules apply.
2. Use the tag “IC” at the beginning of a post to indicate writing that advances the story. Use “OOC” to indicate what doesn't, like short player-to-player comments which aren't long enough for the discussion topic.
3. No god-modding.
4. No bunnying- controlling other players’ characters- without their permission or, if it comes to it, the staff’s.
5. Metagaming is a big no-no. This means using information gathered as a player IC- an example could be, if you are in a fight, you look at the profile of the character you’re fighting, discover their weaknesses, and then have your character magically find out your opponent’s weaknesses. So don’t do it.
6. No insta-items- aka, items that appear out of thin air. You can’t have your Jaeger run out of rounds for its machine gun and then fire the machine gun again in the next post, for example.
7. All profiles must be approved by a GM before the characters in them can be played.

Edited by Miras the Omniscient
  • Upvote 10


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  • 3 weeks later...

Apologies for the delay on finalizing this; it seems both me and the remaining judge lost track of this topic due to other obligations.  I echo Riku's concerns over player spread, and I imagine both Bionifight and Asylum have lessons to learn in terms of combat etiquette and dealing with big ol' monster attacks, respectively, but overall I don't have any serious objections. Approved x5 - you may start when ready.

Edited by GSR
  • Upvote 2

Hey: I'm not very active around BZP right now.  However, you can always contact me through PM (I have email notifications set up) and I will reply as soon as I can.

Useful Topics: The Q&A Compendium | The Official RPG Planning Topic
Stories: Fractures | An Aftermath | Three Stories | LSO 2012 Epics: Team Three | The Shadow and the Sea | The Days They Were Needed | Glitches | Transformations | Echoes | The Kaita and the Storyteller | Nui

BZPRPG: Komae · Soraya · Bohrei

Blog: Defendant Lobby no. 42

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  • 4 months later...
Introduction - The Sands of Spherus Magna


Welcome to the frontier of a new world. Mata Nui is gone, and Spherus Magna is finally getting back on its feet, and you are one of the volunteers to board the mysterious mag-lev train discovered near the newly formed settlement. The remaining Glatorian and the Toa from the Great Spirit Robot are preoccupied with defending the settlement from roving Bone Hunters, remains of the Skrall, and the Vorox, whose population has exploded since the reformation. No one is quite sure what lies on the other side of the tracks, though rumors abound of technology and fertile lands for crops. The wastes are not a forgiving place, however, and the journey is sure to be fraught with peril and adventure, from roving Bone hunters, to Vorox attacks,and maybe even something more mysterious in the desert wastes.





The train is simply called the Engine, and is a strange, self powered vehicle, though what exactly powers the craft is unknown, it is generally regarded to be a creation of the Great Beings. Nearly a Kio long, the Train is seperated into several cars, as follows:


The Engine: At the very head of the train lies the Engine, And inside stands the engineer, a completely robotic steward, who is as enigmatic as the train itself.


Cargo Flats: Between the engine and the rest of the cars are a dozen flat cars, clearly used for carrying cargo.


The Dining Cars: Three such cars contain two rows of booths and a central aisle. These booths each have an extruder through which is offered three equally indescribablely strange tasting strains of a nutrient paste, as well as fresh water.


Waste Car: Situated between the Dining and Rest Cars, this single car contains standard waste disposal and hygiene up keep devices. 


The Rest Cars: Three more cars here, with rows of bunk beds and foot lockers. 


The Aid Car: Little more than a refurbised Waste car, this car has been converted into an emergency medical supply, complete with a kindly Agori from the Fire Tribe named Karta.


The Observation Car: Here is the largest car, where most occupants spend their free time when not in their bunk. The observation car is long, and has numerous tables for all sorts of things, though mainly used for card games and the like. The car is two storied, with staris on either end leading to the second floor, where one can get a fantastic view of mostly sand and more sand.


The Caboose: This closed off car at the rear of the train serves an unknown purpose, and all attempts to open it have thus far been unsuccesful.


 Outside the Engine lies the Wastes, a barren, and mostly lifeless desert.  No being can survive here for more than a few days, and while not strictly forbidden, leaving or being removed from the train is widely considered a death sentence.


 NPC Characters


The Engineer- This robotic being is completely built into the Engine, and serves little purpose other than to keep the train moving.


Karta- A middle aged Agori, Karta has taken extensive time to understand the inner and outer workings of just about any species on Spherus Magna, and his knowledge on the medical arts is second only to his mentor. Still, there are wounds he cannot treat. Get injured badly enough, and the most he can do is comfort you while you die.




A note on Tech, because this is important. Being that this is a largely exploratory mission, weapons are fairly limited. The Train is armed with one Cordak Blaster for defending the train if things get Hairy, but ammo is limited. Personal weapons shouldn't go above Rhotukas, and Gunpowder weapons are limited to simple, somewhat unweildy revolvers. Armor functions as normal, but don't expect to get by with a knight in shining armor sort of deal. These characters are traveling light. Melee wepons are open fare, go nuts.




Name: What are you gonna be called?


Species: What are you? You have your choice of Matoran, Agori, Vortixx, Glatorian, or Skakdi.


Gender: Are you a girl, or a boy? Or something in between? Or something else entirely?


Description: What do you actually look like?


Gear: What did you bring with you on your person? This covers weapons and armor, as well as any mementos and misc. stuff. 


Personality: What are you like? Mean? Funny? Kind?


Bio: From which walk of life are you from? What was your life before you boarded the Engine?




1. God modding is a no-no. This should go without saying, but such as it is, things like auto hitting, auto dodging, pulling super weapons out the wazoo, are all off limits.


2. Follow all the normal BZP forum rules. once again, should go without saying, but here it is in case you forget.


3. Regarding Skakdi, Elemental powers do work, but -ONLY- in tandem with another Skakdi, and both Skakdi must be consenting.


4. That's about it. Play fair, and there should be no problems!
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In the sake of containing Player spread, no, there are no vehicles on the Cargo Flats at this point. As for Cargo, there can be, but it's mostly up to players and what they're bringing along for the trip that determines what's actually aboard. Most likely things like seeds or supplies for harvesting materials are packed on at least one Cargo Flat.

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I feel like there are pieces missing here, to be perfectly honest. Why is an entire train newly discovered? Why did the characters get on it? What do the locations look like? It isn't a bad concept, but right now it feels kind of... Blank. I don't really understand why people are on the train, what the plot is, or what sort of environment we're supposed to be dealing with. I'm not even entirely sure how to fill out the Profile form; what is the recent history of the world? Why are the species limited to what they are?

My fellow Judges may disagree, but it feels like the game is currently a little on the skeletal side.



On this eve, the thirtieth anniversary of that first colony, many are left to wonder; is the world fast approaching a breaking point?



  Breaking Point: An OTC Mecha RPG


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Well, the game history is for the most part, the canon timeline. As for the train itself, (Thinking I'll revise and put this suff into the main post at this rate clearly, didn't make things too clear! :P) It's a remnant from the Great Beings heydays. The species are limited for two reasons, first and foremost being that I wanted to see how a game with very little in the way of elemental abilities would play, and secondly, in game, the only Toa are the ones from the GSR They are somewhat understandably spread thin, and mostly dealing with providing for the settlement.

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I'm with Kray I think. I just get the feeling you need a bit more meat on the bones.

For example, when I imagine the carriages I tend to default to a sort of Orient Express aesthetic, all Victorian era opulence...but since its supposed to be a futuristic mag-lev device, would picturing something more like the Japanese bullet trains be more accurate?

You say the train was discovered in some newly formed settlement...what settlement? How did word get around about the train once it was discovered?

Some RPGs have had IC intros narrated by a character that helps to add info or characterisation to an RPG, have you considered adding one to give interested players more of a feel for what they might expect?


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  • 4 weeks later...

Federation of Fear 








Alright maggots, LISTEN UP! You are now part of a specialized task force, sponsored by none other than the Order of Mata Nui itself, you should feel honoured-actually, don't, because I highly doubt that emotion is beyond your puny tiny minds!


My name’s Brutaka, Helryx has sent me you rejects because you are skilled at what you do! Unfortunately, you have used those skills to commit acts considered amoral, as such; your lives are now not worth the bacteria growing on the visor of my breathing helmet!



From now on you are scum, you are Fikou, you are the lowest form of life on Spherus Magna! And from now on, you will do as I say, or else I will reserve a nice vacation for you, in the dimension made ENTIRELY OUT OF SHARP METAL SPIKES! Welcome, to the FEDERATION OF FEAR! Bathroom is on the left, by the way.








It has been a thousand years since the reformation of Spherus Magna, and things are generally getting better for the forces for good. But evil is on the rise, with the Dark Hunters and Skrall allying, the Barraki regrouping and forming new armies, wild Rahi that escaped the Matoran Universe before it collapsed and small raider groups of Skakdi, Zyglak, Bone Hunters and other miscellaneous threats that the Federation must deal with.



You will play as one of the Federation, and deal with the problems nobody else wants to deal with. However, you will be supervised at all times by Brutaka. You can TRY to defeat him, but try is the key word here, since betraying him a few times may lead to you contracting a terminal case of death due to the poison capsules inside your body, put there while you sleep. Brutaka has a device around his wrist that allows him to see your current situation, and to release the poison inside the capsule with the push of a button. Simply put, he can see where you are at all times, and can kill you at all times.



You will get around Spherus Magna in the Zya-Nui, a large but fast vehicle roughly the size of a small house. It will be cramped, but has enough beds to provide for the whole team (that being the loosest definition of the term). Who drives it? No one. The Zya-Nui has been installed with the brain of an old Maxilos robot, allowing it to drive itself.








The game will take place on Spherus Magna, so… yes… since the characters’ missions will probably take them to various different places, it’s hard to list EVERY possible place they could go to. However, I can give a few key locations. Note that the key word here is COULD. The Federation doesn’t have any choice where it goes.



Southern Region: This is where the final battle between Mata Nui and Makuta happened. It is no longer the vast desert it once was; thanks to Mata Nui giving it new life, though some places still remain arid. New Atero is located here with a recreation of the original Arena Magna at the centre, and the new headquarters for the Order of Mata Nui located on the city’s outskirts, which is made out of a small fragment of the Mata Nui robot’s head that went quite a distance when that chunk of Aqua Magna came crashing down. Some parts of the Matoran Universe have also been used to create other settlements, and some others have just been made from scratch. It is not perfect, however, with raiders terrorizing many minor settlements.



Northern Region: If the Southern Region is where good reigns, the Northern Region is where evil reigns. Among its landmarks are the River Dormus, the Forest of Blades, the Great Volcano, the Valley of the Maze, the Stronghold of the Great Beings and the Energized Protodermis Spring. This is also the new homeland of the League of Four Kingdoms. Why four? Because Carapar is dead and nobody knows where Takadox is. Presumingly up to no good, especially since he has the Heart of the Visorak…



The Great Sea: Created out of Aqua Magna, this is now the main body of water on Spherus Magna. Sea travel is considered safer than land travel, since there’s not much in the way of raiders. Instead there are sea monsters and pirates. Yarr.



The Great Jungle: Created out of l Magna, this place is filled with biomechanical dinosaurs. Roar. Also hidden inside is the headquarters for the Dark Hunters, and New Roxtus, the new Skrall settlement. There’s also the fortress where Velika tried to kill several powerful beings with explosions, but it didn’t work. But the creed of the Great Beings is: if you don’t succeed, try, try again…



Northern Frost: Even further north than the Northern Region, it is an icy wasteland where only the scarcest of settlements can be found. Makuta Miserix departed here recently, for unknown reasons…



White Quartz Mountains: Apart from a few settlements, there’s not much here.



Black Spike Mountains: Or here.








Matoran (Innate elemental powers, Powerless Kanohi)



Toa (Strong elemental powers, Great Kanohi)



Turaga (Weak elemental powers, Noble Kanohi)



Vortixx (Great Kanohi)



Skakdi (Vision power, other random power, Powerless Kanohi, strong elemental powers, but can only be used in conjunction with another Skakdi)



Zyglak (Resistance against elemental powers, but NOT immunity, they simply take less damage)









Skrall Warrior



Steltian Elite (Great Kanohi)



Steltian Bruiser (Natural brute strength)



Other Species (There are many species in the Bionicle Universe, most of which don’t have names, so if you want to play as a species that has no name, just say something like Lariska’s Species, or Eliminator’s Species. Just make sure you know what powers they have before you start your profile.)











And me!



Shut up, you don’t count.








You may have two characters at any one time, and they must be approved before you can begin posting.








Name: What your character is called. Try to come up with something that wouldn’t seem out of place in the Bionicle Universe. So no, he can’t be called Steve, or have numbers in his name. Also you can’t have the same name as a canon character. Or canon species. Or canon anything.



Gender: Before filling this in, note that certain species have locked genders, such as Ga-Matoran.



Species: Note that you’re going to have to actually know WHAT your species can do before you go any further. Rare species such as Makuta, Toa of Light, Iron Agori and Female Skrall are prohibited.



Element/Tribe: Certain species don’t have elements or belong to a tribe, so just check before you fill this in. Light, Shadow, Time, Life and Creation are banned. Fanon Elements Crystal and Acid are allowed.



Kanohi: Most species can/have to wear Kanohi, but few know how to use them. You are only allowed ONE Kanohi, so if you find another, you must swap it with your previous one to wear it. Also the Masks of Light, Shadow, Light and Shadow, Time, Life, Creation, Dimensional Gates, Alternate Futures and Gravity are prohibited. You can come up with your own custom mask, but don’t make it overpowered or your character will be rejected.



Other Powers: Some powers don’t come from Elements or Kanohi, such as Skakdi Vision Powers.



Weapons: Feel free to go nuts with melee weapons, as long as it’s not too overpowered. However, Zamor Sphere Launchers were only ever wielded by the Toa Inika and Piraka, and thus prohibited. Other canon ranged weapons like Kanoka, Rhotuka, Cordak Blasters and Thornax are free game. You’re only allowed two weapons though, so choose carefully. However, a pair of something is not considered two, such as dual swords. But dual weapons are only half as effective as a whole weapon would be; you need both to reach maximum efficiency.



Bio: Just what did your character do to warrant becoming part of the Federation of Fear? It must be something considered wrong by the Order, otherwise they wouldn’t send on you on such dangerous missions.



Personality: Paint a picture about what your character is like. You can have a few redeeming qualities, but a truly good character wouldn’t be conscripted into the Federation.



Strengths: Fairly straightforward, what is your character good at? Fighting, stealing, etc.



Weaknesses: The opposite of weaknesses. Does your character have a weak spot in their armour; are they not skilled with certain weapons? Try to keep it balanced and consistent with your strengths.



Appearance: This one is optional, but feel free to fill it in if you want. You can use a picture created by you or someone else, or describe your character with words.




To give you an idea of how this works, here’s one I made earlier.




Name: Brutaka



Gender: Male



Element/Tribe: N/A



Kanohi: Great Olmak, Mask of Dimensional Gates (Why does Brutaka have a prohibited mask? Because he’s an NPC, THAT’S why! Also the one he originally wore was destroyed by Makuta Teridax, but a new one was forged for him after the Battle of Bara Magna)



Other Powers: Energy Blasts, Mental Shielding, gains Makuta Powers when absorbing Antidermis, can breathe in water, but needs his breathing helmet (which he NEVER takes off) to breathe on land. (In canon, he DOES have all these powers)



Weapons: A pair of Rotating Blades that can combine into one, which electric shock anyone who isn’t Brutaka picking them up into unconsciousness, along with a pair of Protosteel Daggers hidden in his back.



Bio: Now being a canon character, Brutaka’s history is too long for me to list in a small paragraph. Therefore, read his bio at BionicleSector01. Or any Bionicle wiki, for that matter.



Personality: Brutaka here is much different from the Brutaka a thousand years ago, in no small part to being submerged in Antidermis and a few malfunctions with his breathing helmet. He now more resembles a drill sergeant than anything else, and is absolutely disgusted with the fact he has to take yet ANOTHER band of criminals on yet ANOTHER suicide mission.



Strengths: Immensely skilled with his weapons, strong and actually quite intelligent.



Weaknesses: His breathing helmet for one, break it (which is hard, but possible) and he will immediately start looking for the nearest body of water. His arms and lower legs are less armoured than the rest of his body. His Antidermis induced insanity also counts, though some may say that makes him more dangerous than ever…



Appearance: A tall, lean, gold and blue figure wearing a helmet full of water.



Note that Brutaka’s Olmak cannot be used as “fast travel” for the Federation, mostly because dimensions act like rooms in a house. You can exit it using a door AKA the Olmak, but that doesn’t mean you’ll end back up in that room by exiting it. You have to go back through the door to get back in. Also Brutaka ends up where he exited when coming back to our dimension.








This functions about the same as every other RPG, in that there’s no numbers or calculations, just roleplay. When fighting against either PC or NPC, remember that you are NOT invincible. You are going to get a few cuts and bruises at best. At worst, you die. And considering what your characters will be going up against, dying will not be a rare occurrence. But don’t worry; you can always create a new one!








1: Thou shalt not god-mod. No not taking damage, no dodging all hits.



2: Thou shalt not insta-kill everything, be it NPC or PC. And ESPECIALLY not Brutaka, who cannot be killed, so no saying you did.



3: Thou shalt not control other player’s characters without their permission, or NPCs (i.e. characters controlled by the GM, who is me).



4: Thou shalt use IC: when posting in character, and OOC: when not.



5: Thou shalt respect your fellow player and GM, even if your characters don’t get along.



6: Thou shalt be fair. When fighting against other PCs (and believe me, that WILL happen), give the other player a chance.



7: Thou shalt not use the same tactic over and over during battles. If you do so, I will say it didn’t work and you will have to come up with something else.



8: Thou shalt accept the GM’s final word. If something doesn’t work, IT DOESN’T WORK.



9: Thou shalt make frequent contributions. If you haven’t posted within ten days, your character shall die. Tough, but fair. This doesn’t count however, if you warn me that you are going on holiday, or something like that.



10: Thou shalt have fun.

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Completed RPGs are supposed to go up for inspection for at least three days in Planning before being posted here for approval. Feel free to correct me if the completed game did and I merely missed it, but otherwise it should go there and we will review it after the three days and any tweaks you wish to make. :)


Your RPG must be posted in the RPG feedback topic before submission.

  • If you receive feedback, we would like to see you address it, either by publicly responding to the person who gave the feedback or by adjusting your RPG.
  • Please allow at least seventy-two hours between posting your RPG there and submitting it to the judges.
  • Please don't post incomplete RPG ideas here; the feedback topic's great for fleshing out ideas!
Edited by It's A Gundam MkII



On this eve, the thirtieth anniversary of that first colony, many are left to wonder; is the world fast approaching a breaking point?



  Breaking Point: An OTC Mecha RPG


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Completed RPGs are supposed to go up for inspection for at least three days in Planning before being posted here for approval. Feel free to correct me if the completed game did and I merely missed it, but otherwise it should go there and we will review it after the three days and any tweaks you wish to make. :)

Um... it's been there since 20th November.


Nevermind, I didn't realize that people had to actually inspect the concept. And they didn't like it. Nevermind, I'll come back later.

Edited by The Void: Eater of Worlds
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  • 3 weeks later...


personalMessage_33 //received -422.23 //sender ID 7-033
I hope your work has been progressing according to expected projections, my team and I have experienced some setbacks with the control algorithm for the mechanoid. The base language we have been provided with is more sophisticated than our initial hardware could handle. We should meet soon.
May Your Ideas Be Many
//PRIVATE encryption <blueskopio>
another was sent in today, it was a basic unit, though it displayed the same system failures as the more specialized worker models from before
i kept my team away from it, i didn’t expect these drones to be able to develop the extraneous code
the incidents are getting more prevalent
i don’t know what to do
any insight you could offer would be welcome
//encryption end…
personalLogSoanume_323 //recorded -414.7
I spoke to Heremus today. He was keen on looking into the… matter, it interests him greatly.
I suppose that’s what he wasn’t put on the project.
They’ve been coming in with more frequency now, mostly unique or advanced units—I suppose it makes sense, their programming delves deeper into the reaches of the code. We have gotten three of the MATORAN models, each of different classes. I’ve removed their matrixes and frozen processing, just like the others. I sent the bodies to the Builders for repair, but I don’t think this flaw is mechanical.
Complex machine code, what a gift. It’s rather ironic, here we are attempting to build an artificial intelligence to record and analyze galactic amounts of information, and we have just that springing to life underneath our noses. I don’t like what I don’t understand, and there’s plenty I don’t understand in that pile of- strange platform we were provided with. Its tendency to rewrite itself makes multi-strain problem solving easy, but leads to these kind of unintended results.
I don’t think anyone else knows, Heremus says we should study it, but even our self-aware modifications are dangerous, let alone self-aware accidents.


personalLogSoanume_378 //recorded -388.9
Heremus wants us to see what the flawed segments of code can do if left to develop on their own. We can’t exactly let them wander around the build site, and the idea of biologically-intelligent drones will not sit well with many of my colleagues. I have an idea, less obtrusive than a pocket dimension and with little chance of contamination.
I could, in theory, run a simulation on this device. It wouldn’t be perfect, but it would allow us to have complete control over the parameters. Transferring the base code from the affected units will take some ingenuity, but this’ll be far more discreet.
//personalMessage_44 //received -380.1 //sender ID 7-033
//PRIVATE encryption <nightwolf>
I’ve completed the base areas for the simulation, it turned out larger than I initially expected, though the scale isn’t an issue. I am no artist, but I am pleased with the work. I’ve as you suggested, I’ve called it Rei Iden, as ironic as that is. Still, it inspired me to give names to the rest of the locations. I decided on the second model we designed, the collection of islands mass no bigger than small city together. Huge expanses of liquid water were too intensive on the program, so the islands are floating within a vast expanse of sky, connected to one another through natural land bridges. I did manage to get a facsimile of weather working, and the conditions and temperature mirror that of the interior of the mechanoid. We can, of course, alter these somewhat dreary weather patterns to something more inviting. The outer edges of this simulation are unpredictable, logical code structure breaks down, forming landmasses which appear at will and behavioral echoes that take more monstrous shapes.
I placed the main settlement on the largest of these islands, a five-sided megalith of rock covered mostly with a forest of trees from Tesara. The settlement is located on the western edge, and modeled after our own architecture. It’s rather advanced in design, but I prefer the stark white paneling and smooth geometric lines to huts. It features all the amenities needed for a society, residential areas in the north, recreational facilities in the east, transport centers at the southwestern side, overhanging the edge of the island, and even a small industrial sector at the center. The skyline itself would be familiar to you, the buildings rise high enough to appear to touch the stars, giving the small settlement a verticality which greatly increases its overall area. I’ve called the place Fa-Metru, I think you’ll approve.
The second largest landmass, Whe-Nui, is just to the north and above, and is somewhat more barren than the first. I’ve added a multitude of tunnels and caves into its surface, each to be filled with various flora native to the underground habitats in the mechanoid. Smaller landmasses orbit this one, each a little sanctuary of its own. The only source of fresh water is located here, an underground lake which occupies the largest cavern.
The last location of note is much, much smaller, however the fact that it borders the bounds of program causes it to be in an ever changing state of flux. Even I can’t predict what will form there. Its size does remain constant, though the last time I checked it was a lava field filled with snow.
I’d like to show you around sometime.
//encryption end…


//personalLog_401 //recorded -352.8
I guess I should talk about what started all this. Short answer, I don’t know, I don’t think anyone does. I do have ideas, theories, some guess as to how it started, but none have fit quite right.
About a month ago my team received one of the worker drones that had been reported to be malfunctioning. It was nothing abnormal, it looked no different than the countless others that had suffered some sort of breakdown during the trial phases. They were built to be self-repairing, but a block of solid protodermis doesn’t do much good for even armored limbs. It was a VORTIXX unit, an advanced model I helped design.
There was no damage to it evident, so I cracked open the skull casing to get a look behind those all-too-lifelike eyes. I wasn’t at all ready for what I found. The very code I helped write looked like it had been torn apart and then used as glue to hold together a makeshift grouping of stimuli processers and decision modifiers. Each segment of code was sending and accepting input from the next, a giant web of activity that should have melted clean through the complex organic circuitry of the unit.
I removed it immediately, chalking it up to some careless heuristic oversight or input surge. I forgot about it for a time, until the next one came in, displaying the same random code breakage. And, well, here I am now. Uploading these fragments of consciousness to a fake world in the hopes of understanding exactly what is going on. Honestly, we should have expected our creations which imitate life to develop past just simple imitation.
I’ve made a template for recording each of these that I include in the system. Some have additional fields based on need, but this is the basic outline. I look over them at least once before sending them in.
Name: This was Heremus’ idea. He said it would make them more… alive. I was never one to give sentient names to my creations, but Heremus insisted.
Make: The model of the unit, almost all are present in some shape or form, though thankfully the gaseous artificial Energized Protodermis derivative hasn’t shown these symptoms.
Appearance: I put down identifying marks here, it makes it easier to track their activities.
Mannerisms: I loath to call it personalities, but at this point it’s almost what it is now. Each unit is unique, just as unique as we are. Their base code still defines some of their actions, but they have been developing at an alarming rate. Thankfully, I took care to wipe their memory centers before transfer to the simulation.
Abilities: We certainly haven’t learned when it comes to uplifting the biology to extreme levels. The last time we gave control over the aspects of the universe to a species they started a planetary war. Which is why we started this massive project in the first place. The computer can’t quite model some ‘powers’ correctly, but I have attempted to compensate with plausible alternatives.


//personalLog_434 //recorded -334.3
We’ve been leaders, gods, and myths; creators and destroyers of life. But at heart, we’re still scientists.
Well, I like to think so.
I’ll be creating a brief log of various experiments preformed and alternations made to the program here. The device records all events that take place within, but I like to have my own account. It helps put things into perspective.
Introduced Agent: I have some initial ideas, weather pattern changes and technological breakdowns. Heremus wants to introduce aggressive fauna and constructed foes, as if this were some kind of gladiatorial simulation. I'm hesitant, these are drones not warriors.
Variables: The involvement of the units will vary, but identifying patterns in their behavior will be invaluable in understanding their development.
Results: I don’t really need to explain just how complex this can be, and how much even a little bit of understanding can help in this study.


//personalMessage_76 //received -323.4 //sender ID 012
Greetings my friend, I’ve arranged the help of some my own constructs to keep Rei Iden up and running. Perhaps then you will get some rest, yes?
Gravity (dark-star)


Silvan Haven (silvbro)
Don’t lose yourself in this world, I’d miss you terribly.
//personalLog_33212 //recorded -299.2
I believe Soanume has taken quite well to this project of her’s. It was rather cleverly designed, we have been able to implement and change parameters there as we see fit, carefully recording reactions and results. The current set is as follows:
-All BZPower rules apply.
-This is a computer program, physics can act in strange and unexpected ways, none of which qualify as a deus ex machina.
-Characters are the sole property of their player, irreparable damage may not be caused without their permission.
-Characters can die, in order to preserve the façade of realism, those who sustain injuries which would render them inoperable will be removed from the program.
We have stumbled on one of the biggest revelations of our time, though if we do not proceed carefully, it could all be wiped out in an instant. Many of my people are scared enough at the thought of our planet breaking apart, and having another lesser race develop before us could push some of us over the edge. They are our children, though, our legacy to be among the stars.
I rather like the poetry in that.

  • Upvote 6



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I raised this issue in the Planning topic and I'm going to raise it again here: I really worry that the Introduced Agents (or at least the ones you hint at) are not enough to actually keep the RPG running. I think you need more than just throwing a tornado at the players and seeing how the react. Having the simulated enemies Heremus suggests would be something, or just a greater emphasis on exploration since at the moment the environments are a bit...sterile. They're all very safe and hazard free, except for the fluxy part...but there's no actual motivation to go to that part.

I get that you're trying something a bit different, and I respect that, but the different thing needs to work. If you were wanting to maintain the "high sandbox" idea then maybe let the players have a bigger influence on the outer limits, being able to create little personal demesnes that they can inhabit. Gives them a reason to actually start moving because they're essentially grabbing territory for that


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To be perfectly frank, Adders, I don't think that's a good idea.


Flawed is definitely an RPG that exists outside of the norm, and perhaps for that reason I think that we should treat it as such. It is very much presented as a game that is, at its core, a sandbox-type RPG. We haven't seen a true sandbox in quite some time. I've talked with Grav during the development of this game, and he has enough ideas to keep it interesting that I am willing to let him try.


At the absolute worst, we gain new insight into whether this style of game can work in the modern climate. What we've been approving isn't working so I don't mind an experiment. Especially considering that the game's flaws (pun intended) are not ones I know to be crippling, and the staff team has a fair bit of experience between them.


Personally, Flawed x1.

  • Upvote 8



On this eve, the thirtieth anniversary of that first colony, many are left to wonder; is the world fast approaching a breaking point?



  Breaking Point: An OTC Mecha RPG


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  • 2 weeks later...

Sorry for the delay in responding to this.


My main concern is an offshoot of the point that Adders is making: Reading through the submission, I don't see any sort of real starting point for the players coming into this game. Unless I'm missing something, it seems as if they're simply being dumped into this constructed settlement and... left to their own devices. I don't doubt that the Game Masters have ideas for things to keep the story running once it gets off of the ground, but there is the matter of getting it up and running to begin with, and I worry that starting the game without a real, driving goal of any kind--even a temporary one that can be dropped later on to make room for the sandbox-style play--will result in the game dying before it can get to a place where the GM's can do anything with it.


That being said, I also recognize that that sort of free-flow interaction is what ultimately makes up the foundation of a sandbox RPG, so it's not a very sound reason for rejecting this particular idea. I would, however, caution Grav and Silvan: Be very careful about how you go about running this. Too loosely-plotted and it's going to fall apart at the seams; too tightly-plotted and its sandbox foundations aren't going to be able to support what you're trying to do with it.


Flawed Approved x3

  • Upvote 4

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Given our fifth judge appears to be MIA at the moment, I'll go ahead and step in...


I'm also going to echo Adders' and Parugi's concern here.  You're going for a very pure sandbox, which carries a good amount of risk in terms of player direction.  I'm not even going to argue for "you need some immediate plotline" - I'm more concerned that you don't give the players immediate anything.  I see there's the building blocks for a society - city, water, etc. - but I'm not understanding what the players see when they drop into the world.  How many 'inhabitants' does the simulation have - a city's worth, or only a fairly small number? Is the assumption that everyone is working and living there like it's been all their life, or does everyone arrive, stripped of memory, and find this world waiting for them, new as can be?


I like the concept, I honestly do.  But I really feel like you're just dropping the players into a giant white space right now, and I worry that's going to lead to half a dozen different interpretations of what's going on in terms of what sort of lives the characters lead.  Again, I'm not asking that you develop some overarching plot, or spoil the surprises, or take away from the sandbox idea.  But I want clarity on what the sandbox is, because that's the first thing the players are going to need, even if that clarity is "nobody knows what's going on and it's a giant version of Myst".


With that in mind, I'm unfortunately going to reject this game for now.  But like I said, I like the concept, and I like the idea of a fuller sandbox.  I just need a little more for the players to get a grip on to begin with, and I'll be happy to approve.


(And to be clear: this ends this round of judging, so you should take it back, fill it out a bit, get feedback from anyone interested, and re-submit like always.)

  • Upvote 1

Hey: I'm not very active around BZP right now.  However, you can always contact me through PM (I have email notifications set up) and I will reply as soon as I can.

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